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First part sucks btw
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(upon writing this, yes, i have now played pressure and what the flip. the following events are 100% real. and no i still haven’t won.)
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If there was one thing you hated more than those 'Drywall Fuckers' and Squiddles that blocked doors, it was The Ridge. Fifteen doors you could never get through no matter how much you tried. Thirty-six runs later, and you still couldn't pass over three doors without getting overwhelmed by these freaks of nature.
When you finally thought you were getting somewhere, Eyefestation pulled up right in front of you. Unfortunately, you had no light source with you either, so you had to blindly scale the walls looking for the stupid door while trying to not make eye-contact. It was hard hear with the noise from the mutated shark, but in the distance you could distantly make out the shriek of Pinkie growing louder. Man, what the fuck. Why's everyone congregating right now. When you thought you found the door, it was the wrong one. It wouldn't open. Pinkie was drawing near, and Eyefestation was still being a little bitch, and everywhere you turned you ran into a Squiddle. Also you couldn't find a locker??? What the hay. When you finally found one, the ground was shaking as Pinkie entered the dark room, and you opened the locker door to slip inside WHEN IT TURNED OUT TO HE OCCUPIED BY A FUCKING VOID MASS. Literally how dumb do you have to be to not notice it (☹️).
And then, even after that, you had to sit through Sebastian being a bitch and teasing you about dying in a stupid way. (You had to ignore how the file was fully filled out, too.)
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The next time you attempted, you thought you were being slick by hiding in a vent after the lights flickered. You thought one of the anglers were passing by. But, you were WRROOOOONG. IT TURNED OUT TO BE PANDEMONIUM AND HE IMMEDIATELY ATE YOUR ASS.
You also lost your gummy light :(
The worst part might've been the fact that the vent was the one that led to Sebastian's Shop. He didn't even do anything to save you, (ruuuude, no way did you just buy his whole shop). That overgrown fishstick pisses you off. What do you mean 'womp womp'????? You'd like to see him chased by Pandy, his flat ass would be caught DEAD, no way could he, and all his height, hide anywhere.
You know, at first you thought he was kinda cute. Like 'aweee he's a fish' He almost reminded you of those silly fish myth guys from Ocean Terror. Turns out he's a fish gone rouge. Major bitch warning. Can't believe you almost felt bad for this loser.
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It felt like forever until you finally made it to Sebastian's little shop again.
You kept dying to the angler and all his extended family, plus an enraged Eyefestation because you thought it'd be fun to flash her (it wasn't). Also, we're gonna ignore the way you fell into a hole TWICE because you were too busy being a dumbass.
But that's ok!
You're here now!
Everything is fine.
Fine-ish.
(It'd be completely fine if Sebastian would stop being a little bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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You had around 200 pieces (????) of data left after buying a hand-cranked flashlight and some flash-beacons. You were taking your sweet time choosing between a medkit or a codebreacher and a few batteries for a flashlight you found a while back. You knew you wanted to go for the medkit because your health was low after accidentally running into the Good People... but you honestly weren’t looking forward to leaving and probably dying in a weird agonizing way within the next 10 doors— so you were content with pretending you were having a hard time deciding.
Sebastian sighed for the 10th time since you started stalling.
"Man, can you shut the fuck up? I'm tryna think here," you snapped, glaring at him.
Sebastian raised an unimpressed brow. "Well, hurry it up, Grandma. You're holding everyone up."
You scoffed. "You're actin' like you get any other customers down here, Fishsticks."
"Well, I'd rather not have my time sucked up by a parasite," he retorted, brushing that same strand of hair out of his face, again.
Parasite? How dare he?????!
You reached for your flash-beacon, brandishing it as if ready to make good on an unspoken threat.
Sebastian recoiled, eyes narrowing in distaste. "I did not sell that to you so you can flash me!"
"I can flash whoever I want, bitch??!" you shot back, voice dripping with mock indignation.
"If you don't buy something right now, I'm kicking you out," he warned, a hint of exasperation creeping into his tone. Once again, that pesky strand of hair fell across his face, and he irritably tucked it behind his fin.
"Oh!! Y'know what—I'll go for the medkit!!" you blurted, chuckling nervously. The last thing you wanted was to get thrown out before you were good and ready to leave. You hastily reached into your bag for the data, deciding it was better to leave voluntarily than be forcibly removed :(
When you held it out to him, Sebastian immediately snatched it away, he flit through the files quickly, and with a quick clawed finger, he gestured to the medkit attached to his tail. Man, this fish guy is so annoying.
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(i locked in)
But it wasn't just his impatience that was starting to get under your skin.
No, what really grated on your nerves was the way he kept tucking that STUPID stray strand of hair behind his fin, only for it to slip loose and fall over his face again. It was a small thing, but the repetitive action was starting to annoy you—almost as much as it clearly annoyed him. How does he just live like that!?? Just the thought of it sends you up the walls.
As you look for room in your bag to shove the medkit in your fingers brushed against the bottom of your bag and find something cold at the bottom. You fished around and pulled out two black snap clips, the ones you'd forgotten you even had. A thought struck you, and you found yourself glancing up at Sebastian, who was once again pushing that damned strand of hair out of his eyes. Oh my fucking God.
"You know," you started, your voice laced with dry sarcasm, "watching you tuck your hair behind your fin for the hundredth time is really starting to piss me off."
Sebastian paused, his hand halfway to his fin as he shot you an offended look. "Excuse me?"
"The hair," you snapped, waving the clips in front of him. "It keeps falling over your fin thingy, and if I have to watch you tuck it back one more time, I might actually lose my mind."
He blinked, clearly not expecting the sudden outburst to be about his dumb hair. "And what exactly do you expect me to do about it?"
You smirked, stepping closer. "Here, let me make your life easier. Lower your head."
"What?"
"Lower. Your. Head," you ordered, your voice taking on a mockingly sweet tone. "Or so help me, I will flash you with every freakin' beacon I've got."
His eyes narrowed, clearly not thrilled with the idea of complying, but the thought of getting flashed must've been worse. Begrudgingly, he lowered his head, and sure enough, that damn strand of hair fell right over his face again.
"God, you're hopeless." You muttered under your breath, fighting the urge to roll your eyes again.
With as much care as you could muster—which wasn't much—you tucked the hair back behind his fin and pinned it there with the two clips. You took a step back to admire your work, crossing your arms with a satisfied smirk.
"See? That wasn't so hard," you said sarcastically, patting his shoulder with an exaggerated sense of accomplishment. "Now you can stop fussing with your hair."
"Oh yeah, I feel so much more at peace now. Thank you so much," he replied with heavy sarcasm.
"You're welcome," you shot back, voice returning the sarcasm. "Just trying to make your life a little less miserable, Fishsticks."
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Ok the end. good bye.
Was really thinking about making sebastian asking if reader had lice but nvm.