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Levi made a sound of pain, alerting Erwin immediately.
"What happened?“ he asked, voice filled with concern. He got up swiftly, walking around the desk to get closer to Levi, who would have laughed at his urgency had his ankle not been shooting pain throughout his entire body.
"Nothing, nothing.“ Levi said, trying to wave him off with his hand, but to no avail. Erwin kneeled in front of him, reaching forward as if to touch Levi exactly where it hurt, but Levi pulled his leg away and pushed him away with the other.
"Hey! Back off! I said it‘s nothing!“
"I thought I saw you limping earlier. Did you get hurt?“ Erwin asked, ignoring his protests, looking up at him and pushing the uninjured leg away.
Levi rolled his eyes and leaned back against the chair, submitting to the situation. Erwin wouldn't ignore it, anyway.
When Levi relaxed, Erwin gently took his foot in both hands, sliding the boot off as slowly as possible. The pain was there, but not worse when the boot slid off his ankles. It was more of a welcome relief from the pressure around his skin. He didn't bother answering to Erwin’s previous question, knowing that any attempt to ameliorate the situation was in vain after the shit-show that was supposed to be their mission to capture the female titan.
Once the boot was off, Levi had to resist pulling away. The acknowledgement that Erwin wanted to take care of him made his skin itch. It felt more intimate than anything they'd done prior.
Erwin examined his ankle, and Levi noticed the way his brows furrowed when he saw how swollen and bruised it was. Suddenly, along with Erwin‘s expression and the dread of their situation settling in, Levi felt uncomfortably exposed, as if the walls were closing in on them.
"Sorry.“ He said, his mouth faster than he allowed it to. Erwin looked up at him, brows still furrowed, but his eyes glazed over with confusion.
"Why are you apologizing?“
Levi didn't know. Perhaps he was sorry for not getting away unscathed, or for not telling him sooner. Maybe he was sorry because he now counted as a liability. How was he expected to perform at his best with an injury that kept him from staying on his feet? Admittedly, it wasn't a terrible injury, and he would heal just fine, but they were finding themselves in a time of crisis and any day spent not taking action meant they were wasting time.
Or maybe he was sorry because he‘d been a disappointment. To the corps, his title and to Erwin.
"Levi..“
Erwin‘s voice brought him out of his train of thought, and when he saw Erwin‘s expression no longer frustrated, but instead sad, Levi exhaled shakily, not realizing he had held his breath.
"I‘m sorry about your squad.“ Erwin said, his voice somber and unfamiliar.
The words rubbed Levi the wrong way and he forcefully pulled his leg back, wincing at the gravity forcing his leg back to the floor and dropping Erwin off his balance. He stood, glaring down at Erwin still on his knees, looking up at him expectedly. The pain in his ankle was great, but he didn't care.
"They knew how dangerous the mission would be.“ He spoke aggressively. "They did what was expected of them.“
Erwin‘s eyes narrowed as he let the words sink in and he sighed, getting up as well. Instead of looking down, Levi had to crane his neck to look up at him like he always fucking did. He felt the urge to force him back down to the floor, but thought better of it. They stood close, bodies warm with each other‘s proximity, but their eyes cold.
"Are you stating a fact or telling me?“ Erwin asked, voice thick with anticipation and the question loaded with endless arguments they've had over the years. Levi balled his fists at his sides, his eyebrows lowering.
"I really can‘t handle your bullshit right now, Erwin.“
He could feel his eye twitching and his head pounding. Sometimes, in moments of stress, Levi found himself wondering if his body might give up. Despite being clear-headed, his body sometimes betrayed the physical tension and the emotional pressure. Erwin‘s face remained stoic, although with a hint of exhaustion visible underneath his eyes.
"You‘re allowed to be upset. You know that, right?“ He asked. Levi scoffed, but didn't reply, so he continued. "Today‘s mission was incredibly dangerous. A lot of people gave their lives.“
Levi let out a laugh.
"Oh, yeah? And you’re so fucking proud of that, aren't you?“ He snapped, leaning closer. " Did you count the corpses, Erwin? Did you write down everyone‘s names and will you send a letter to their families and tell them their children and siblings and friends and partners dedicated their hearts and died for the sake of humanity?“
The back of his head felt heavy as he pointed a finger at Erwin‘s chest and pressed against it.
"We didn't get anything out of this damned mission but more bodies on the mountain of bodies.“ His voice came out fast, like the reflex of a hand when burned.
Erwin flinched at that, if only for a second, but Levi caught it, and in shame, he brought his face downcast and turned to the side, his gaze catching on the mirror propped up on the shelf behind Erwin‘s desk. He watched him through it, but Erwin‘s eyes didn't stray.
"I misjudged our threat.“ Erwin started, his voice tight. Levi could tell he was trying to stay level. " I miscalculated. The plan fell apart as soon as I realized we weren't nearly as prepared as we should have been. I should have-,“
"Will you shut up?“ Levi interrupted. Erwin followed Levi's gaze and met his eye in the mirror. His chest squeezed uncomfortably at the sight of Erwin's guilt-ridden expression. He stayed quiet, waiting for Levi to speak.
"We‘re all to blame.“ Levi said, turning back to look at him properly. Erwin followed.
"The plan was good, but we got greedy, cocky. We underestimated the female titan. I've never gotten injured before, and had you not told me to refill my gas and blades-,“
"You‘re not invincible, Levi. Despite your questioning, you knew it was the right thing to do. You felt it.“
Levi frowned, but his anger had dissipated as soon as he saw Erwin's face in the mirror. He wasn't sure what the point of this discussion had originally been, the death of Levi's squad or Erwin's guilt, so he sighed and sat back down, his ankle throbbing from holding his weight.
Erwin kneeled once again, taking his foot in his hands once more. He was no doctor, so there was little he could do and Levi knew he‘d have to find a doctor soon enough to tell him how to handle the injury.
They caught eyes, unspoken words passing between them. Erwin‘s fingers were gentle, trailing over Levi‘s leg, like soft words that weren't said out-loud, but passed to him regardless.
Levi‘s squad‘s death still lingered right underneath his skin. It was the most intimate loss he‘d experienced after Furlan and Isabel, and he was surprised to find how much grief still hurt. He figured after years of being in the scouts would desensitize him, but it didn't. Instead, his heart seemingly grew in size and took more people in.
Meanwhile, Erwin seemed to barely be keeping his thoughts at bay. Had Levi not stopped his train of thought, he surely would have broken under the guilt. It wouldn't have been the first time, and it wouldn't have been the last.
Erwin pressed a delicate kiss against Levi‘s knee, making his chest tighten at the sight. It was both too much and not quite enough. He leaned forward and motioned for Erwin to come closer. Erwin did, moving in-between Levi‘s legs when he spread them. At this angle, Erwin was much shorter than Levi, and Levi enjoyed the way his blue eyes gazed up to look at him. He placed both hands on the sides of his face.
Once Erwin‘s hands settled between where Levi‘s thighs met his hips, they both leaned in and met in a gentle kiss, their lips moving slowly, shakily, almost. Apologies expressed without words.
When they went to bed that night, a damp cloth wrapped around Levi’s ankle on top of the blankets and the promise that he would visit a doctor in the morning, they spoke about Levi‘s squad, how Levi barely managed to save Eren, the identity of the female titan and the shame Erwin felt.
They fell asleep holding each other. Sad and vulnerable, but together.