Chapter Text
“Yoo Joonghyuk. Listen to me. You're going to be alright. It's already over. You are still in control of yourself. You are not going to lose yourself to me.” Feeling his absolute dread was worse than I anticipated. The fabric of his mind seemed fragile and on the verge of breaking.
He took a heaving breath as my words echoed inside his mind once more. Then he repeated them to himself, over and over, like a litany. “Control… control…” He slowly lifted his head and looked up with wide eyes and a pale, tear streaked face. His mind was a jumble of tangled emotions, struggling to regain some semblance of composure. He removed his hands from his hair, fingers trembling as he spoke. "I can control myself."
"Yes. You control yourself. I do not need control. What I need from you is much more esoteric. I will not interfere with you. It will take some time to get used to my constant presence, but you are my host, not my slave.”
It was the truth. He moved his hands, gripping them tightly as they clenched and unclenched. He looked at his legs, watching them tremble as they bent and straightened. He understood that he hadn't lost his mind, at least for the moment, but that didn't make him feel any better. The prickly, alien presence inside him felt nauseating.
He wished this creature would rather do to him what he had expected to happen in the first place - rape him over and over again with its huge tentacles until his body finally gave in.
"Think of this as a new kind of experience. Sharing your body with an Eldritch God cannot be easy, but you are no stranger to hardship. You can endure it."
I had a feeling my words were only making the situation worse. He pushed himself up, leaning against the wall to support himself. He could feel my presence inside him, and he didn't think he'd ever get used to it.
“No stranger to hardship. Endure it... Alright…” He repeated the words in his mind, giving him something to latch onto and focus on.
“You're doing great, there's no rush. I wanted to provide a bed, but it would only get destroyed during the... ceremony. You don't have to get up now. Take it slow, deep breaths. It's going to feel a bit uncomfortable as I'm settling in.”
That was an understatement. I shifted my essence inside of him, making sure nothing leaked out. I contracted myself considerably to fit snugly inside, even if it was a little too tight for my liking. I was sure my wriggling must feel strange and wrong to him now, but he would have to get used to it.
He let out another trembling breath as he felt my essence moving inside of him, its presence oppressive. It was a strange, violating sensation. He tried to force himself not to think about it and instead concentrate on the words repeating in his mind. “Endure it… Endure it…” He let out a shaky breath and tried to steady himself. I kept shifting, and he kept mumbling. I had a feeling he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer, but I had only just begun.
“How are you feeling? Is it bearable?” It was a genuine question.
“I can handle it.” He lied. He wasn’t handling it. “... I've endured worse.” That… was probably true. His expression was tight and tense as he spoke, his voice shaky. I wished I could do something to make it easier. “I don't think there's anyone else who would be able to handle having me inside them and not lose their mind.” I tried to find the right words, but it didn’t seem like it was working.
“... I suppose I should be flattered that I'm special enough to have an Eldritch God decide to use me as a vessel.” He tried to put on a show of confidence, even though his heart was still pounding in his chest and his body felt like it was on fire.
“Your resilience is precisely why I chose you.”
“... I see.” He struggled to speak. There was nothing more to add, but my words struck a chord within him. The thought of being chosen specifically for his resilience was unsettling. Despite his stoic exterior, he had to fight the shiver that ran down his spine.
“There's no need to put up a strong front. I can feel everything you feel. I know you're disgusted and want nothing more than to tear me apart, and I understand. I forced you into this. But now that we are one, we share a bond that is not easily broken.”
His jaw tightened as he processed my words. He loathed the idea of sharing a bond with me, of having me inside of his very being. It was wrong on levels he couldn't begin to describe. The reality of becoming one with an Eldritch God filled him with a mixture of revulsion and rage. But despite the maelstrom of emotions coursing through him, he still couldn't help but ask the question that had been nagging at him. "Why did it have to be me?"
“Because you are the only man strong enough to endure me.” It was that simple.
He took in my words. He knew I wasn't lying - he could feel my essence coursing violently through him, trying to break him from the inside, and it took all he had to withstand it. But he was not satisfied with the simple answer. He needed to make sense of the reason. He needed to understand why this was happening to him. Hadn't he suffered enough? Why this too?
“There are plenty of people who are strong.” He didn’t want to accept this.
“Not like you. You don't realise how incredible you are. Your will cannot be broken. Your body can take more than this. There is literally no other mortal who could survive this process.”
"Is that what I am to you all, a durable toy that can take all the beating you wish to inflict on me?” His stoic expression faltered. His voice cracked. He was at his limit.
"I can judge the quality of a man with a simple probe. There is no other mortal who comes close to you. I am not trying to flatter you, I have no need to. I am simply telling you the truth. You will survive this. I know it feels like you are ready to give up." I paused. I didn't want to say this next part. "And it will get much worse." There was no reaction. As if nothing I said would make a difference now. "But you will prevail. I have searched for a long time, through every world and realm, to find a suitable vessel. You are the one I've been looking for."
“And you've found me. Now you have your vessel. What's going to happen next?” his voice was quiet, almost a whisper.
“I'm going to make myself comfortable inside of you.”
His stomach clenched at my words. He didn't want to imagine what I meant.
"I will seep into your flesh and bones until my essence completely fills your body and I become indistinguishable from you."
"You're already doing it, aren't you?" He could feel it happening. My essence was already slowly taking over, spreading through his insides, and he found it repulsive.
“Yes, but I am restraining myself. Don't worry, it won't always feel so alien. As I continue to join with you completely, you may even find it a bit pleasurable.”
Joonghyuk didn't try to hide his disgust at my words. Pleasure? The thought of finding any kind of pleasure in this... abomination of a process is hard for him to comprehend.
“I know it seems like a lot right now. You find me repulsive because I'm an alien, tentacled creature, and sharing a body with one feels wrong. But you will grow accustomed to my presence. The foreign sensation will soon change to a feeling of being completely filled inside, and it will begin to feel comforting and familiar.”
He struggled to keep his composure. My words were beginning to affect him, causing a strange sensation to creep up his spine. The idea of being completely filled, of my presence becoming familiar and even... comforting, was terrifying. But as much as he loathed to admit it, he longed for any kind of respite from his current torment. Part of him wanted to rebel against these thoughts, but another part just wanted to give in. Anything to make it stop. He gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to respond to my words.
"It is okay for you to resist. I know the idea of giving in to me feels humiliating. You don't have to pretend.”
Joonghyuk's face darkened when he heard my words. He knew that I could see through his facade and he began to hate how transparent he was to me. My presence inside him was like a parasite, slowly eating away at his soul. He tried to push away the feeling that he was losing control, but deep down he knew that he was helpless to stop me.
“I don't want to make this difficult for you. Just as I can feel your emotions, you can feel mine. I mean you no harm. As we truly merge into one being, you will feel a great deal of confusion. The sensations will be unfamiliar. Some of them will feel frightening, but some of them will feel good. Some may even feel intoxicating. If you are afraid that the pleasure will make you lose control, I can adjust myself to make it less intense.”
My words did not sound malicious, but he was certain that I was deceiving him. The idea of being overwhelmed by the sensations I promised made him shiver involuntarily. He tried to keep his composure, but the thought of ending this hellish torture and giving in to pleasure, of letting go and surrendering everything to me, was tantalising. He knew I was probably trying to tempt him with an easy solution, just so he would stop resisting and I could devour his mind. Slowly he stopped caring. At this point, death was preferable. He can always start again.
"... Do it." There was no hesitation in his voice. He didn't believe a word I said. He just wanted it to be over.
"I need you to open up to me. Accept me. Calm your mind and as you feel me expand do not resist. Focus on how you feel and tell me if you want me to stop." He nodded and braced himself.
I adjusted myself, making sure not to overwhelm him with a sudden rush of pressure. I slowly released more of my essence into him. I had to control myself. I'd been holding back from the beginning, trying to be as gentle as possible so his body wouldn't give in, but it was gradually becoming harder to exercise restraint. My essence yearned to simply overpower him completely and take full control, but that would destroy his mind in the process, and I was careful to do as little damage as possible. I wasn't lying when I said his body was to be treasured. Every fibre of my being was focused on doing this slowly and carefully. He didn't know this, but the process felt amazing to me. I had to force myself not to overdo it. We were supposed to share emotions, but the joining wasn't complete yet and it was too traumatic for him to notice my ecstasy. But as I progressed, he would begin to feel it too.
I could still feel his resistance. It was instinctive. As I continued to push, he couldn't stop himself from screaming in agony, but he didn't tell me to stop. "Force your body to relax. Allow me in. Please." The pain didn't bother me. My existence had been nothing but pain for as long as I could remember. But I didn't want him to feel it. Ideally, he would just allow me to enter freely, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, even if he tried.
I didn't worry about his body. I was confident in my ability to use only as much force as it could bear. But his mind took it much worse than I expected. It was as if having me inside him was the worst thing that could happen to him and he would never accept it. Frankly, I was a little hurt by his ruthless rejection. But it didn't matter. I had to figure out how to get him to open up to me. It was not my intention to put him through this ordeal.