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Endure

Summary:

Sakusa aches. He feels this heavy sting of pain in his chest. He wants to leave, yet it’s as if he’s paralyzed; he can’t move in the slightest. Across the street, he sees you and Atsumu hand in hand. He does nothing but watch.

Notes:

I wrote this back in 2020😭 forgive me for any grammatical errors I gave it a proofread and tried fixing any mistakes but there might still be a few, so apologies in advance.

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At the age of 4, Sakusa gets the fortunate chance of meeting you. As he is hiding behind his mother’s leg, he peeks his face out and sees you as you’re clinging onto your mother’s legs. He can tell you're shy. He gets to know you later that day; he thinks you’re nice.

At the age of 7, Sakusa thinks he’s finally gotten used to being around you without feeling the need to add a mask on. You make too much of a big deal of it, however, and end up hugging him a little too tight for his liking. It’s okay, though, because it’s you.

At the age of 11, Sakusa hears his first name ‘Kiyoomi’ coming out of your mouth instead of ‘Sakusa’. He takes note of it; he likes it. He thinks he wants to hear it only coming from you from now on.

At the age of 14, Sakusa tells you he got into Itachiyama Institute. You turn around in your chair and smile at him, saying, ‘I’m happy for you.’ Strange, his stomach is churning again. He’s not sure why, but he knows it only happens around you. He can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but it makes him feel all warm. He thinks he likes seeing you smile because he likes you being happy. He’s made up his mind; it was a good feeling.

At the age of 17, Sakusa comforts you over your first heartbreak, and hopefully your only heartbreak. You’ve only ever been vulnerable to him, and knowing that he’s the only one who’s seen this side of you, he thinks he might have a chance; he should wait a little, though. He knows it wouldn’t be right to make a move just as you’re crying in his arms. He doesn’t mind waiting, however, because he knows in the end it’ll lead to you.

At the age of 21, Sakusa forgets to bring lunch with him to practice. Not even an hour later, you come rushing by with a homemade bento just the way he likes it. One big side of it being just umeboshi; it seems these days you know more about him than he does himself. You end up meeting all his teammates that day; you seem to catch a particular setter's eye. Sakusa doesn’t think much of it.

At the age of 23, Sakusa has to endure Atsumu constantly bragging about his girlfriend—how ‘she did this’ and ‘she did that’ and how ‘she’s just too nice for her own good.’ In his words, ‘I’m one lucky bastard.’ Sakusa thinks he can try to handle his boasting for a little longer before he breaks. Not until you come to greet none other than Atsumu during practice. He’s sweaty; Sakusa thought you didn’t like touching anyone a bit clammy. Yet you’re all over him, smiling into the kiss, arms wrapped around his neck. He’s never seen you look so content. Maybe he can endure it for a little while longer.

At the age of 25, Sakusa aches. He feels this heavy sting of pain in his chest. He wants to leave, yet it’s as if he’s paralyzed; he can’t move in the slightest. Across the street, he sees you and Atsumu hand in hand. He does nothing but watch. Sakusa wants to hate you. Atsumu was right; you're too nice for your own good. Even after 3 years of dating the infamous setter, you still save time just to see him. He supposes that’s why, instead of just waving at him across the street, you cross, and he hopes you don’t say what he thinks you’re about to say. He really does. ‘I missed you, it’s good to see you.’ You said it. Why? he thinks. Why must he have to undergo heartbreak, let alone you with him? Sakusa starts feeling the pang of guilt. He knows ignoring you won’t solve any of his problems. But he just wants a little time for himself. He knows if he could tell you, you’d understand. And when seeing your dejected face while greeting him, he starts to think ignoring you hurts even more.

At the age of 26, Sakusa realizes he’s too late. Not when you say yes in front of a whole stadium on live TV. See, now you’re wearing a diamond ring that Sakusa had helped pick out with Atsumu. His questions across the years going from, ‘What kind of flowers do girls like?’ to ‘Do you think she’ll like this ring?’ Sakusa knows that Atsumu could propose to you with a damn ring pop and you’d still say yes. He doesn’t speak his mind, though. He silently watches you indulge in your lover's arms. He’s carrying you, kissing you to no end. The both of you are just too happy. He can’t help but let out a plaintive smile. He can tell Atsumu will be nothing but good to you. After all, it's what you deserve. Sakusa just wishes it were with him instead.