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Suo frowned, poking at the meal in front of him with a pair of chopsticks. Hesitantly, he lifted a small portion of fermented soybeans above the bowl, grimacing at the stringy slime that stuck to the rice beneath it. His stomach twisted at the sight.
This was his least favorite part of the day.
His routine was the same - had been for years - and yet he still struggled to stomach the natto his Master ordered him to eat each and every night before bed. It was typically the only food he was allowed to eat, the only meal he was granted each day, and yet he never could grow a taste for the foul beans.
The smell alone was enough to repulse anyone, but the texture.
Holding back a gag, Suo braved it and crept the chopsticks toward his mouth, chewing the awful food as his nose scrunched in displeasure. He swallowed the sticky substance with an involuntary shiver.
He really should be used to this by now, and yet the natto somehow only seemed to get worse with each passing day.
Suo really wished he’d be given permission to eat something else for a change. Anything else, really. This bland, bitter, nasty food was far too difficult to stomach. He was sick of it. The smell made him sick. The taste made him sick. The texture made him sick. Just thinking of it made him sick. He understood the benefits natto had on his health and sleep patterns, but really, he just couldn’t understand why this had to be the only thing his diet could consist of. Sure, his Master allowed him the occasional taiyaki or other miscellaneous treat, but those exceptions were so rare he really couldn’t consider them a part of his diet. And he understood that intermittent fasting had several benefits and helped keep him healthy and in shape, but it just…..didn’t feel worth it to Suo.
Not when he had nothing but water and tea to get him through the day.
Not when his stomach felt like it was trying to devour itself all day long even though it should be used to hunger by now.
Not when he had to give away all of the lovely food the townsfolk so gratefully gifted him with nearly every time they saw him.
And it certainly didn’t feel worth it when Suo felt so out of place every time he forced himself to sit and watch as all of his friends shared a delicious meal together.
What was that Umemiya had said? Something about eating meals together….that was the older boy’s reason for forming Bofurin, wasn’t it? Sharing a meal with others….it was special. Supposedly.
Suo could understand, to some degree, where the third year was coming from with that perspective. It certainly was enjoyable to hang out with friends as they all ate. But for Suo, doing so also left him with a sense of longing. He felt so distant sitting amongst everyone else as they talked and laughed and ate, while his own stomach growled quietly. It was even worse, knowing that he would always have to depart from his friends to return to an empty home where he would sit alone and eat that same horrid meal that he’d eaten day after day for the past few years.
And that was exactly what had happened tonight.
Here he was, sluggishly forcing himself to swallow down the final remains of his dinner.
Somehow, Suo always felt emptier after he finished eating.
Every day was the same cycle.
Wake up feeling hungry. Drink tea instead of eating. Meditate to calm his mind and distract from the hunger pangs. Meet with friends and try to ignore the way Sakura so casually snacked on bread as he walked to school. Sit with friends as they ate lunch at school. Ignore the quiet rumbling in his stomach as he declined any food they offered. Politely accept the food townsfolk gift to him on patrol, only to hand it to his friends afterward. Join his friends for dinner after patrol, only to not actually join them in eating. Go home feeling as though his stomach would collapse in on itself. Train until he feels like collapsing. Shower and try not to think about his dreadful dinnertime. Force himself to eat that awful natto before bed, always thinking how he would rather starve than take another bite.
Rinse and repeat.
…..
Until one day, Suo found his routine interrupted.
He and his classmates had been talking casually at the start of their lunch break when Umemiya’s voice suddenly jumped-scared everyone in the school, cheerfully requesting Suo’s presence on the rooftop.
So, with no explanation whatsoever, Suo found himself being summoned for a private meeting on the rooftop.
He was very confused.
“Huh? Suo-san! You didn’t tell us you were meeting with Umemiya-san today!” Nirei exclaimed, a star-struck grin on his face as he readied his notebook for any information Suo might give him regarding this sudden meeting. “What’s it about?! How come Sakura-san and I didn’t get an invite?”
Suo just smiled, seemingly more curious than thrilled. “Ah, well it’s news to me,” he admitted. “I have no idea why he would want to speak to me specifically.” Usually if any one individual was summoned from a class, it was the class captain. Not one of the vices.
“Ooooh maybe you’re in trouble,” Tsugeura joked.
“Please,” Anzai chuckled, “As if Suo ever does anything to actually get in trouble.”
“Umemiya-san’s not exactly the type to scold anyone anyways,” Kiryu added.
“Who cares what it’s about? Just go already,” Sakura said rather bluntly from his seat.
“So bossy,” Suo laughed but started heading for the door anyway.
Nirei waved his notebook in the air, shouting after Suo. “Tell me everything afterward, Suo-san!!”
Suo ignored his friend with an amused roll of his eye, already out the door. He walked with confidence up the stairs to head toward the rooftop. But truthfully, he was quite nervous. Usually he had some idea what was going on at all times, but right now, he couldn’t think of a single reason why he of all people would be summoned to speak with Umemiya. Usually Suo’s Master would only actually meet with him when he was angry with Suo for some reason or another. Suo really didn’t think Umemiya functioned that way, but it still didn’t stop the coil of nerves from forming in his gut.
Could he be in trouble for something?
With a deep breath to settle his anxiety, Suo pushed the rooftop door open, squinting to allow his eye to adjust to the bright sky. Looking around, he saw that the rooftop was surprisingly desolate, save for Sugishita quietly working on the garden, as the boy did during every lunch break.
“Ah! Suo-kun, you beat me here!” Umemiya’s voice called out cheerfully from behind. He’d come through the door just moments after Suo. It made sense, seeing as the third year had to travel the whole way from the announcement room on the first floor. “Come on, come on! Sit with me!” Ume beckoned with an excitable hand gesture, bee-lining for the picnic table. He was carrying two bento boxes.
Suo followed him curiously, the older student’s friendly demeanor immediately dissipating any nerves he’d had prior. “What did you wish to see me for?” he asked politely, taking a seat across from Umemiya.
With a grin, Ume slid one of the bentos over to Suo. “What, can’t a guy just want to share a meal with his little bro?”
Blinking in surprise, Suo’s eye trailed down to the unopened bento box before him, uncertainty instantly crawling its way back into his gut. “Ah.” He lifted his gaze, smiling as politely as possible. “Well you see, I’m-”
“On a diet, right?” Umemiya interrupted, his tone more level than cheerful. He hummed light-heartedly. “I’m not sure the specifics of your diet, Suo-kun, but I was careful only to put the healthiest of fruits and vegetables just in case. So don’t worry too much. Let’s eat,” he finished with a smile, already cracking open his own bento, chopsticks in hand.
Suo hesitated even as Umemiya started eating.
He was well aware that he wasn’t being supervised at all times. Technically, he could eat something else, and his Master might never know. It’s not like the man was ever home, let alone in Japan, and he certainly couldn’t see Suo at this very moment. Suo could probably break away from his diet if he really wanted to.
But…..
Just the thought of his Master finding out was enough to quell his yearning for anything more than that awful natto. His Master always had some sort of sixth sense for whenever Suo would disobey orders, or at least that always seemed to be the case. And Suo really didn’t want to imagine what kind of punishment he’d fall victim to for so blatantly disregarding the rules of his diet.
So there he was, just staring down at the untouched bento, failing to hide the discomfort and dread that leaked into his expression.
“Suo-kun,” Umemiya called after quite some time. He’d stopped eating at some point, realizing that the younger boy wasn’t going to join him. When Suo’s gaze snapped up, Ume gave a gentle smile, speaking softly. “Do you know why I called you here?” he asked.
Suo’s eyebrows pinched together in confusion. “….to eat with me…?” he answered unsurely. After all, wasn’t that the elder’s goal? To share a meal with him?
“Well yeah,” Ume chuckled. “But really, I just wanted to check up on you,” he admitted. “Some of your friends - I won’t name who - but some of them came to me during winter break. They seemed pretty concerned about this diet of yours.”
Suo stiffened in his seat, eye locked onto Umemiya’s.
“And I have to admit, I am too,” the third year continued, his tone of voice somehow growing even softer. More genuinely concerned. “I can’t quite make sense of it. You spend all day with your classmates, yet you don’t seem to eat in front of others, ever. Not even healthy foods. And just now,” he paused, glancing down at Suo’s untouched bento, “that look in your eye….wasn’t the look of someone who’s just on a diet.” A stretch of silence passed between them when Umemiya concluded his thoughts. Suo wouldn’t meet his eyes, choosing instead to stare down at that bento box, still as a statue. Umemiya smiled softly at the sight. “Let me tell you a story,” he offered, finally getting a glance from the other. “There was a boy who went through something tragic and felt all alone….”
Umemiya went in depth about that span of time during his childhood, telling Suo the same as he’d once told Sakura. How he’d lost his parents. How he’d blamed himself. How he’d stopped being able to taste food. How he’d stopped eating altogether. How his hair started changing. How he’d become suicidal…..How he’d almost committed.
And how he’d realized that his parents had still loved him even as they sacrificed their lives for his. How he realized that if he ate with others, together as a family, the meal would taste amazing no matter what.
“Suo,” Umemiya stated once he’d finished his story. “Please….if you’re feeling anything like I was, just talk to someone. Anyone. It doesn’t have to be me, but…..your big bro will always be here to help you whenever you need it. No judgment. I just don’t want to see you hurt. So rely on me a little, okay?”
To say Suo was speechless was an understatement.
He hadn’t imagined that Umemiya of all people could have ever felt that way. But…..why even tell all of this to Suo? It’s not like he was suicidal, or even depressed. It’s not like food was tasteless to him either. It’s just that he couldn’t eat whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. He didn’t have that luxury. And he didn’t have a choice in the matter.
“It’s not like that,” Suo defended himself, as politely as possible, even if he felt his hackles raise.
“What is it like then?” Umemiya replied kindly, patiently. He leaned forward on the table, resting an elbow on it and propping up his head with his cheek in his hand, a gentle smile on his face. Entirely relaxed.
Which in turn helped Suo to relax, at least a little.
Still, he struggled to find his words. Any kind of bending of the truth that could help him cover his situation without revealing too much. But in the face of things, in the face of Umemiya, his mind was blanking for an excuse.
And Umemiya just waited, not saying a thing.
Suo wasn’t getting out of this, was he?
Fingers curling into his pant legs under the table, Suo’s gaze drifted away from the upperclassman’s once again, slipping downward to land on the bento in front of him. He swallowed subtly. “I’m not allowed.”
Umemiya just barely shifted in his seat, perking up to attention. “Not allowed?” he repeated, suppressing an unreadable air of emotion. That simple answer had clearly sparked some sort of protectiveness in the older teen.
“To eat,” Suo answered. He paused, thinking over his words carefully. “My Master is….strict, when it comes to my diet.” ‘When it comes to everything,’ Suo thought to himself.
Umemiya didn’t like that answer. “Suo,” he stated firmly, dropping the honorific, “that’s neglect. I might even call it abuse.”
Once again, Suo snapped his gaze up, this time looking just a bit more frantic than his usual composed self would allow. “It’s not like that,” he repeated. “My Master just….has me on an intermittent fasting diet. With a specific meal,” he explained. “It’s enough.”
“Is it?” Ume asked. “Suo-kun, there is a big difference between surviving and thriving. You understand that, right?”
Of course he understood.
How could he not?
Every day, he forced himself to ignore the way his stomach felt like it was collapsing in on itself. Every day, he felt hollow when he’d give away the food the townsfolk had gifted to him. Every day, he felt more and more distant when he alone would be the only one amongst their friends not sharing a meal together.
That wasn’t thriving.
He was well aware of that.
But what could he do when the punishment for thriving could cost him surviving?
“Let me help you,” Ume spoke up again when it became clear he wouldn’t receive an audible answer. Suo’s silence had been answer enough. “We can start small,” he continued, reaching out to tap a hand on the untouched bento box. “Just a couple bites, even. Just you and I. We’ll work our way toward eating with friends. Sound good?”
No.
No, it didn’t sound good.
It sounded terrifying.
The look in Suo’s eye said as much.
Umemiya sighed, long and hard. “What will your Master do if he finds out you ate something else?” he asked seriously.
Just then, the school bell rang, signifying the end of lunch break. Sugishita quietly meandered off, watching the two of them with an unreadable expression as he passed by. Suo made a move to get up to follow him back to class, but a hand on his wrist stopped him and he was gently pulled back down to his seat.
“…Suo?” Ume beckoned.
Suo shook his head minutely, unwilling to answer. He didn’t want to think about it, let alone admit it out loud. He knew that his silence was speaking too loudly, revealing far more than he was comfortable with, but he just couldn’t voice the truth of his predicament. That would make it far too real. And he certainly didn’t need to be fretted over. “…It’s not important,” he settled on. “I’m fine.”
That was the wrong answer, apparently, as Umemiya’s expression melted into something sad. Sympathetic.
“It is important,” Umemiya countered. “You are important, Suo.” He leaned forward and ruffled the younger boy’s hair, uncaring if he messed it up. “And you don’t have to be fine all the time,” he continued. “I helped you with keeping your cat, didn’t I? I’ll help you with this too, if you’ll let me……I just don’t want you to end up like I was. So just trust me, okay? Your big bro’s got your back.”
The bell rang again.
“….We’re late to class,” Suo said after a long moment, not knowing what else to say. He wasn’t so good at acknowledging his feelings, nor accepting help for them.
“I know,” Ume replied.
“…..We should go.”
“Nah,” Ume spoke again, then broke out into a bright grin. “We haven’t eaten together yet, after all! And I’m not leaving ‘til we do!”
….And so Suo was roped into staying behind. He, with his perfect attendance, was skipping out on class to eat lunch of all things. And he knew that the sooner he got it over with, the sooner he could leave this uncomfortable situation, yet he still struggled to will himself to open that bento box. To pick up those chopsticks. To take even a single bite of the cold vegetables. But when he finally did, he found himself hesitating as the flavor hit his tongue. It was delicious.
Umemiya beamed. Digging into his own meal with vigor, the elder teen continued to encourage the other to eat with him.
Miraculously, it worked.
Suo managed to finish half the bento before tapping out. His stomach wasn’t used to eating so much, after all. The meal had been simple, just a pile of mixed veggies and a side of sliced apples. And yet…..it was the most delicious meal he’d had in years.
It made him feel warm.
Umemiya was positively ecstatic for him. “That was the best meal I’ve had in a while,” he admitted. “Thank you for joining me, Suo-kun! We’ll have to do this more often!”
Suo reluctantly agreed, his lips curled in a small genuine smile.
They parted ways soon after, both going back to their respective classes. Suo apologized to the teacher for being late and took his seat quietly, ignoring the several questioning stares and sneaky texts he’d received for the remainder of class. He was promptly bombarded with those questions during the few minutes of free time between classes. Everyone wanted to know what Umemiya had called him for and what they possibly could have been talking about that had kept him from returning from lunch break. Suo just smiled, effectively evaded answering properly, and shared a subtle look of understanding with Sugishita, whom thankfully remained quiet.
In the end, Suo didn’t share the subject of his conversation with Umemiya, and he’d managed to convince his classmates to stop asking.
“It’s a secret mission,” he’d told them.
Nevermind the fact that the “mission” was to help Suo overcome his poor relationship with food. But he wasn’t quite ready to share the details with his friends. For now, Umemiya’s support was enough.
So when he started disappearing during lunch break every other day from that point on, nobody questioned it. And eventually, he worked up the courage to take Umemiya’s bento back with him to class. His friends had been elated to eat with him.
And over time, the nervous coil in his gut started to fade.
He finally felt like he was beginning to thrive.