Chapter Text
Steve sits in the hospital chair, arms crossed over his chest as he stares up at the ceiling, the heart monitor beeping helps calm his nerves- weirdly. It's the steady, rhythmical beeps and hospital smell that gives him a sense of nostalgia. It's been over 12 years since he last had to stay in a hospital, but he still remembers every visit and overnight stay, they aren't fond childhood memories.
He was a sickly child, a lot of heart problems that resulted in three open-heart surgeries before he hit ten years old. Also add on his Type-1 Diabetes and asthma, he didn't have a normal childhood. Thankfully, his mother was a nurse, she'd take the night shifts whenever he had an overnight stay. He was never completely alone when at the hospital, in fact, he made a lot of friends in the children's ward.
Growing up sick meant Steve was treated differently to his peers. He constantly had to check his sugar levels, he had to have insulin injections before every meal. He didn't have many friends, well hardly any. He couldn't play sports because of his lungs, a quick walk would have left him wheezing. He hated having to use an inhaler, he still does now. Thankfully, as he got older his lungs started to expand, a lot of breathing exercises and he rarely has an attack.
Despite being well adjusted to hospitals, to knowing every ward and every nurse by name... this is different.
Sarah Rogers looks frail and small in the bed before him. He's so used to seeing his ma' on her feet, to her cooing over patients and helping them. It's weird to see her be this sick, she never got sick, and if she did she powered through it so he wouldn't have known.
"You look... scruffy, sweeties." His eyes instantly snap to her bed, she's smiling weakly at him. "You need a haircut and a shave."
Steve is getting up out of the chair and striding towards her, he grabs one of her hands as bends down slightly. His other hand is petting his mother's hair softly, a gentle kiss being pressed to the hand he is holding. He doesn't say anything, his throat is choked up and constricted with emotions. He tried to not worry on the journey down here, a four-hour car journey that he knuckled through alone.
"Oh, Steven," Sarah mutters and weakly raises a hand to stroke her sons face. "You haven't been lookin' after yourself, have you?" He wants to roll his eyes at her because she's the one in the hospital bed. "You didn't have to come all this way. What about your job? And that boyfriend of yours? You've got a life up there now."
He tuts and waves his free hand to dismiss her worries, his brows creasing. "Don't worry about trivial things ma', okay? I've got it all under control. I needed to use my vacation days anyways, plus work will understand. You are my priority, okay? I'm not gonna leave you, not like this."
Sarah has tears welling in her eyes, "I just know you don't like comin' back here."
Steve chuckles and nods. "I can make an exception this one time, I guess."
It's all slightly true. Steve did need to use his vacation days, he's a workaholic and is owed a lot of vacation days- due to overtime he works. However, he's also in a slump at work. He's got three projects that need to be drawn up, but he just has no motivation or inspiration. The clients have given a detailed description on what they want, but Steve can't find any motivation to make their dreams into realities.
Thankfully, he brought all his stuff to work remotely, he has to finish these projects in the next 6 weeks. If he doesn't, there's a big chance he'll be getting fired.
As for a life? He doesn't have one. Well, he did. He had a boyfriend, Brock, they've been together for nearly 2 years. This morning before Steve left, he left a note telling him to pack his things and leave the apartment before he's back. He left the pictures and text messages of him cheating alongside the note, to show how serious he's being. He also sent a mass text to his 'friend' group of Brock's affair, since he cheated on Steve with two of their mutual friends partners.
Steve effectively blew up his social life, no doubt.
He had disabled his social medias and blocked his 'friends' in New York.
Steve knows he's running. He can't handle all this, not now.
"They want me to stay and monitor me," Sarah begins and Steve nods. "A small heart-attack, it's basically nothing. The fall, however caused a fracture to my hip. I'll need help when I'm out, I have some neighbours that can watch me-"
Steve shakes his head and scoffs. "Ma' I ain't gonna leave ya with some neighbours, alright? I'll stay and look after you. God, ma'... you're gonna give me a heart attack talking nonsense like that."
Sarah softly chuckles and shakes her head. "Okay, as long as you're sure." He nods in confirmation, "What're levels like?" Nodding her head to his midriff.
He doesn't contain the eyeroll before he lifts his shirt, his pump is securely wrapped to his belt and he clicks the 'on' button to show the screen. The screen shows his levels are stable, and good. He has enough insulin units on board too, he also packed all his medical equipment because he isn't a dumbass.
"So it's just the hair and beard you are being messy about?" She quirks an eyebrow at him, a tilt of her head as she stares up at her grown-up son.
"I've been busy, I haven't had the time to see a barber." Steve weakly defends and shrugs his shoulders. "Listen, I hate to leave ya but I've gotta drive back to your house. I've gotta feed that demon cat of yours and change clothes, you gonna be okay?"
Sarah smiles sweetly, but weakly. "Of course, sweetie. You'll have to do a food shop, okay? That can wait till tomorrow, I've got some cash in a jar you can use for food. Go out and eat at The Watering Hole." She softly pats his hand, he makes a face at the choice of dining establishment. "Darcy Lewis runs it now, the smart girl, a year below you? Anyway, she lives across the street from me. She'll give you some food for a decent price."
"I don't remember a Darcy, ma'. I remember a Jane Foster, though. Did Darcy run after her all the time?" Sarah chuckles and nods, "Glasses and a red beanie?" Another nod and he clicks his fingers together. "Bucky taught her to ride a bike without stabilisers." He chuckled at the memory, he was sat on the grassy patch watching as his friend taught the loud, but smart girl to ride her pink bike.
"I also remember how you would sit in the basket of James' bike, all that wind would cause an attack." Sarah rolled her eyes, "Neither of you cared, though. Well, I suspect James did cause he'd force you to use the inhaler."
Steve shrugged and picked up his duffle bag, "I was the bad influence. I could never do anything, so I asked Buck to do it all for me and he did! Damn, shame I lost contact with him, I'd like to know where that guy ran off to." He missed the tense look Sarah had, he put it down to her just being tired and waved her bye, blowing a kiss for added measure- that his mother caught and placed to her cheek.
*
He drove the forty minute drive to his old childhood home, he parked his car just outside the garage- he knew his mother's car was parked inside. The exterior hadn't changed all that much, a few new flower beds and shrubs plotted about.
The inside has changed drastically, though. A fresh lick of paint, the once green hallway is now blue and a DVD player, instead of the old VHS. The record player still sat in the corner of the family room, all his old vinyls in a box just to the side of the player.
His dad's medals still are showing off proudly, for all his service in the Army. He had wanted Steve to follow in his footsteps, to move up the ranks like he had. But Steve was just too sick to ever enlist, plus even as he got older the thought of fighting... it didn't appeal to him. Sadly, but thankfully, his dad passed away when he was 9 so he can't be disappointed in him openly.
'Mreowwww' Steve looks down to the tabby cat, it's glaring at Steve from it's spot beside his ma' armchair.
"Okay, feed you and then feed me I guess." He grumbles and walks towards the kitchen.
He scans the cupboards for cat food and eventually finds where his mother keeps the demons food. He grabs the cat bowl and gives the cat a generous amount of food, plus refills his water station before placing the bowl down.
On the fridge is a list of groceries that she needs, it's a long list and likely why she suggested he eats out tonight. Clearly she was planning on running some errands when she got sick, so she has nothing that he can eat. He needs proper carbs, an actual meal if he wants to keep his levels up.
Steve leaves the cat to eat it's food and decides to take his bags upstairs, his mother still kept a room for him. It's his old childhood bedroom, but she's since redecorated it. The posters have come down, so has all his art. He loved drawing and painting, it's why he left for Art School in Brooklyn. The double bed is still against the wall and the walls are still painted a navy, a few photos of him young are up.
He throws his bags down and sits with a huff on the edge of the bed, his shoulders sag and he bows his head. He briefly contemplates logging onto social media, to just see the fall-out but he can't stand the idea of Brock knowing. Brock is a good manipulator, an even better liar, it's how he fooled and got away with his affair for so long. He rolls his shoulders back and cracks his neck, eyes shifting to look out the window.
The old Barnes Family home, he wonders who lives there now. He knows Winnifred died a few years back, Steve almost went to her funeral but Brock needed him to stay in New York- he can hardly remember the reason now. He remembers telling his mother to pass on his love to Bucky and Becca, his younger sister, Becca actually found him on Facebook and messaged him a thank you.
Steve tried finding Bucky on Facebook, through Becca. However, it didn't seem like he had any form of social media. He wasn't in any of her photos, he wasn't in any funeral photos either. He remembers at the time feeling strange, Bucky adored his mother, so why wasn't he at her funeral? He contemplated asking Becca but decided against it, it was still fresh and he didn't know her that well.
Perhaps, Bucky did what he always wanted. He left.
They walked about packing bags and running off together, it was juvenile and hopeless dreams. Steve wanted to run away to be independent, he hated how suffocating growing up sick can be. Bucky wanted to run away because of his father, an abusive and dangerous man, he ran a Biker Gang in town. They caused mayhem on neighbouring towns and started fights with other Biker Gangs. They'd stay up talking for hours about what they'd do, Bucky wanted to leave for a city and open a garage, to be an mechanic.
By the time Steve showered and changed, he decided he had to eat something. So, he collected a small amount of cash his mom said he can have- almost laughing cause he's almost 32.
The walk to The Watering Hole was short, but eventful. He remembered every road and turn, like he hadn't been gone for over ten years. It was strange because it was different, but the exact same. It's like nothing had changed, but everything had.
The bar looked just the same, a bright neon sign of the name on top, it flickered and sizzled with the electricity. The parking lot was small, a few cars dotted of locals. Then around 8-10 motorbikes lined up just outside, all shining and perfect.
"Bike gang is still here then," Steve mutters with a scoff.
His eyes narrow because on the side of the bike is an emblem, it's not the same one as George Barnes'. This one is an A with an arrow, a circle around it, it's in silver and on all the bikes lined up. A new gang? That doesn't surprise Steve, George's gang was starting disband when he was leaving, he waa falling off and becoming and alcoholic was slowly killing him.
A rival gang likely took over from him.
Steve steps inside the bar, eyebrows raising cause the interior has changed a lot. A clear upgrade has happened since Lewis took over, there's a TV- not a huge flat screen, but modest- is up on a wall, playing some NFL game from a few weeks ago. The floors don't feel sticky as he walks towards the bar, new stools and they all match. Two pool tables are in the back corner, they look playable too, the old ones had lost most of the balls (plus the pool cues were snapped in half from bar fights).
The pool tables are surrounded by Bikers, he knows this because the emblem is printed on the back of leather jackets. There's two guys actually playing with one of the tables, however the others are nursing drinks and glaring daggers his way- he cooly doesn't look at them because he doesn't want to cause trouble.
"Take a stab in the dark, Darcy Lewis?" The girl behind the bar looks up at him, jutting a hip out and raising an eyebrow. "You know my ma', Sarah Rogers."
The glass she is holding and was once polishing is smacked down on the counter, a surprise laugh leaves him and he awkwardly looks around as everyone jumps in surprise at her outburst.
"No-Fucking-Way," Darcy squeals and lifts up the bar top, "Steven Rogers?!" She asks excitedly and he nods once before he's crushed in a hug.
Steve glances around to see everyone staring at them, all amused and raised eyebrows, even the Bikers are amused by her antics. He pats her back and chuckles, she pulls away after a few seconds and just looks at him.
"You're like 6ft, what did you eat to get so tall and... broad?"
She gestures for him to follow, she pats a stool at the bar for him to sit at she she goes back behind the counter. She's calling a colleague to take over, so she can chit-chat with Steve for a while longer.
"Uh, I actually started to take care of my diabetes. I learned what worked and what didn't, I eventually got a pump- no longer injecting insulin. I also just had a weird growth spurt at nineteen, so I evened out." He shrugged and looked at her, she had a small smile as she nodded. "Sorry, my ma' said you could hook me up with some food, I have cash."
Darcy smiles and takes the money, "I've got you covered. How is Sarah?"
"Good, I guess. I'mma be staying to look after her, no idea how long that'll be."
"Really?" Darcy raised an eyebrow and began pulling him a beer, "Sarah mentioned how you've got some big-wig job in the city and a dreamboat boyfriend."
Steve tried to remain calm with the fact his mum gossips about him, especially to his old classmates. "I've got a lot of vacation days and he's an adult, he can look after himself whilst I'm here. He's away on business anyways, I'll be back before him." He lies expertly and shrugs, Darcy only nods and places the pint in front of him.
They talk about nonsense, it's mostly Darcy trying to fill him on all the towns gossip, which is a lot because he's been gone for almost 12 years now. However, she'll say a name and it'll spark a memory of who they are. She tells him what people are up to now, he's one of three that left the city. However, the other two visit more than he does- he never has cause Sarah usually comes to him during the holidays.
She gives him a plate of food and watches as he inputs the carbs into his pump, they talk about how far modern medicine has come. He'd be having to check his sugar levels and then inject himself with insulin, he was always sick with Hypos or Hypers because his levels were out of whack. The device actually reduces those for him, he rarely gets on the extreme ends nowadays.
"What's with the new gang?" Steve asks in a whisper, nodding his head back to the gang.
Darcy smirks slightly. "Sarah not mention them?" He shakes his head with a frown, why would his mother mention a gang? "The Avengers, they showed up a year after you left. They... look out for us. They sort out the gangs from other towns, they stop them from cruising on down here. They also have a garage just outside of town, they fix up cars and actually do drag racing out in the wastelands- it's the one time the Biker Gangs get together for 'friendly' competition." Steve raises his eyebrows and nods, he wants to look over his shoulder but doesn't. "You went to the small classes as most of 'em."
That perks Steve's head up, a crease in his brow. They were likely his bullies, though. Steve was always bullied for being so small and weak, it made him a prime target for entertainment. In town it gets boring, so Steve and a few other weaklings were targets of 'fun'.
Bucky would stop him from getting bullied when they became friends, in fact, he finished a lot of Steve's fights for him. Steve never backed down, he was always causing trouble and trying to prove he wasn't weak, or sick.
"Sorry to butt in," A familiar voice interrupted his thoughts, "Is this Steve Rogers?" Steve turns and looks over his shoulder and frowns.
"The one and only," Darcy answers with a grin.
The man is tall, but shorter than him. Dark skinned, handsome and wearing a leather jacket, he's a biker. "You don't know me, but I've heard a lot about you. I'm Sam Wilson, it's so nice to meet you." Steve glances at Darcy who is just wearing a smirk, he's frowning but shaking Sam's hand. "I moved here a year after you left and he wouldn't shut up about you-"
The door to the bar opens and cuts off his conversation, he's looking at the person stomping in. His smile never wavers, he's lifting a hand and gesturing for the guy to come over and join in the conversation. Steve is staring and he know he is because he knows that grumpy guy...
Grumpy guy is an inch shorter than him, cropped, brunette hair and a steely gaze. His face set into a cold emotion, stubble jaw that could cut glass and it ticks as he marches towards Sam. He's got a leather jacket on, it's old and shabby, it's unzipped with a black, tight tee underneath and black, skin-tight jeans. He's got black combat boots on, they're unlaced and they look well worn in.
"Ya not gonna believe this," Sam starts with glee, "It's Steve Rogers!" He's pointing at Steve, a big grin and Steve notices the gap between his two front teeth, it makes Sam more handsome somehow.
The guy falters and frowns looking at Steve, his eyes are scanning him from head-to-toe, like he doesn't believe this is Steve. He can hardly blame him, ten years ago he was 5ft 4" and weighed 90 lbs.
Under a better light Steve looks at the man before him and he tilts his head, so does the guy.
"...Bucky?" He says it more like a question cause this can't be his Bucky.
Bucky had text him saying he was leaving. That he was finally getting out.
"Yep." Bucky nods, he looks displeased to see him. "We need to talk," He's looking at Sam pointedly and nods for him to go back to the others.
Sam gives Steve a smile before going back towards the gang, who Steve can feel are all looking at them both now.
"You got taller." Bucky remarks before turning to Darcy and holding up a finger, there's clanging from behind the bar as Darcy makes his drink.
"And you're in a gang."
Steve doesn't miss the narrowed, icy glare that's thrown his way. He somehow keeps from shivering at the stare, he can evenly match anyone in a fight, but Bucky has an air about him right now. It's a dark tension and it makes Steve... sad.
Bucky was never vicious or mean, he wasn't nasty or evil. He wanted to be better, he wanted to be a good person.
"Gang leader, actually." Bucky grabs his drink and tips it back in gulp, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
That revelation shocks Steve. "I thought you were gonna get out of this town?"
"I thought we were gonna do that together," Bucky slams the glass down and glares at Steve. "We were both wrong. I've got business to attend. Hope Sarah feels better." He moves past Steve and towards his gang.
Steve frowns and watches after him, his heart beating way too fast. He rolls his shoulders back and doesn't look at Darcy as he grabs his jacket and leaves.
The cool air hits his face and he finally breathes, sucks in a large gulp of air and runs a hand through his hair. Why didn't his mother tell him that Bucky stayed? That this is the road he was going down? He could've come back and... helped him, or something.
He doesn't chance a glance back to the bar and instead walks back towards his mother's house.
