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"And when our worlds they fall apart
When the walls come tumbling in
Though we may deserve it
It will be worth it" - Halo by Depeche Mode
It was times like these that the Doctor wished he had brought someone along with him. Of course, it didn’t mean that he couldn’t deal with the mess by himself, but it wouldn’t be easy, and could become dangerous relatively quickly. Although he relished in excitement and adrenaline-fuelled moments, some situations needed more concentration and were more exhausting than enjoyable.
For instance, like this one.
This space station wasn’t any different from the others the Doctor had been to before. At least at the first glance. People were milling about, buying trinkets and spare parts to repair their ships at the market section. In the entertainment area, there were hotels, restaurants, casinos and bars at every corner and based on the noise surrounding, and coming out of them, those establishments were worth the time of their customers. The Doctor felt invigorated by travelling again and he loved visiting new places and meeting so many different species, it was energizing and freeing in a way. It had been a while since he had last made a trip to another time and space, and even though he had hung up the TARDIS’s keys and tried a new life at a slower pace, sometimes he had gotten itchy feet and needed to move. It was in his nature no matter what everyone said. He was sure his next incarnation had meant well by saying “take it easy, slow down, now you can”, it wasn’t as simple as they both had thought.
Donna was a saint and had invited him into her home, the whole family had accepted him unconditionally, and the Doctor was grateful for it every second of spending his time in their company. He couldn’t imagine slowing down without them, because they grounded him and made it easier for him to stay busy.
For a while.
Of course, it hadn’t been a walk in a park, far from it. He had sometimes felt useless, without anything to do, especially during those days when everyone had to go to work and he couldn’t visit Wil. Donna or Rose would find him sitting on the kitchen floor, having his hands and his sonic screwdriver deep in various dismantled appliances, which he not always was able to put back together. The Doctor knew they were annoyed even though they attempted to hide it from him, trying to be understanding but - in the face of the mess of screws and destroyed machines lying around - failing immensely.
Yes, sometimes he was bored out of his mind. The domesticity, the ticking of the wall-clock, the dripping water from the bathroom tap, the next-door neighbour’s and his dog’s heart beats, the Earth turning and the universe moving on without him - it was maddening. So, despite the fact that the Doctor really needed to stop and make sense of all what had happened to him recently and think about what he had learned about his history, those little moments with Donna’s family wouldn’t and couldn’t sustain him for too long. They all thought – and he had, too, at the beginning – that the Doctor had been running from difficult situations and emotions (and maybe it now made sense more than before), but the idea of stopping completely was unimaginable.
So the Doctor hopped into the TARDIS, full of glee and pant-up energy, and instructed his beloved ship to take him anywhere. Well, he should have been more specific as he hadn't really wanted to end up saving just another place from destroying itself again.
“Girl, between you and me, I’m beginning to suspect you’re the naughty one,” the Doctor signed in fond exasperation and moved along the artificially-lit street, making his way through the crowds of inebriated life-forms. The scanner in the TARDIS had indicated some kind of device somewhere around here that didn’t belong in this time, but it could be anywhere, shrouded by the throng of life, really. There were so many sideways and dark corners on this space station; hopefully, he would find it before it was too late.
Finally, the signal was leading him to one of the bars.
Looking at the neon sign above the entrance, the Doctor felt his nose scrunch in displeasure. He had never taken pleasure in drinking, or using other substances, but he never begrudged those people their methods of having fun. Even though sometimes it might intervene with the Doctor’s saving those same people from getting hurt. It often was more an annoyance than anything else. Though right now, a couple of patrons standing in the door were getting in his way, laughing at his attempts to walk around them, and the Doctor was quickly reaching the point when knocking them out sounded like a marvellous plan.
“I swear, these ungrateful idiots will kill me one day, quite literally,” the Doctor muttered to himself, dodging one of the louder groups of drunks in the hallway before finally entering the bar.
It was actually a club, full of dancing people, the beat of the music so loud that he couldn’t hear his hearts beating. At least he wouldn’t get distracted by others. The Doctor forced his way through the dance floor after he had discovered there was no way around the mass of moving bodies. Fortunately for him, this regeneration didn’t mind the touch much and that was a relief when pushing his way through towards the back of the club.
The Doctor would have been ecstatic if that had been the least pleasant part of this adventure. However, the signal pointed to the men’s toilets and he knew from experience that these places were never pleasant in this century. On the contrary. And this one wasn’t an exception.
“Ugh, they should invest in a cleaning robot,” he complained about the smell and sniffed in disgust before trying not to breathe through his nose and carefully stepping over weird stains on the floor to the opposite wall. The Doctor scanned the room with the sonic screwdriver and mulled over the results for a few minutes. It seemed like there was a secret area behind the wall next to the sinks. The tiles were old and cracked in a few places. He ran his hands over the fissures, not thinking about the smears all over the tiles.
“Aah, here it is,” the Doctor exclaimed after a careful observation and prodding of crevices in between the tiles, using the sonic screwdriver to activate the secret doors. It was funny and repulsive at the same time that whoever had created this thought this would be the best hideout for their illegal deals. And it seemed that someone else had found out about this and wanted to give them something to think about – right in the middle of a club full of people. That was more sickening than the dirty floor.
The Doctor stepped forward to the device sitting on the grand, oak table at the far end of the room, probably owned by the big boss of this operation.
“Why am I here, again? This is more a job for local authorities, not me,” the Doctor grumbled to himself while putting his glasses on and looking closely at the device. It looked familiar, but another scan would give him more of an idea what he was dealing with. Hopefully, no patrons would come in here, seeing him in a secret room and tinkering with an unknown device, that looked very much like a bomb (and they would be correct in thinking that), wouldn’t give them a good impression of him.
“Well, let’s see what’s inside,” the Doctor muttered in interest. After another scan making sure it wouldn’t blow up in his face, he opened the lid of the device. The timer indicated a recognizable set of glyphs which made him scoff. He knew whose handiwork this was and he wasn’t happy about it at all.
“Time agents, what a bunch of idiots,” the Doctor cursed and scanned the bomb a few more times to make sure there were no hidden triggers, but it seemed like an ordinary mechanism he had encountered before.
Nothing special then. He thought with relief.
But, there was a catch in it. He would need another set of hands. The exasperated exhale that left him said it all. The idea of searching for a person capable (and sober) enough to help him in this club was laughable. No time for lamenting over not bringing anyone along with him now.
“Think, think,” the Doctor mumbled while counting how much time he still had. Maybe if he ran really fast back to the TARDIS and brought Donna along to help him.
“No, too risky,” even he could admit that his piloting wasn’t as precise as he would always let everyone believe. There was a chance he would set the wrong time and returned late, not being able to change the events.
The Doctor was so deep in thought that he didn’t hear someone’s hurried footsteps behind him until the person ran into the room and stopped abruptly with a scuffle. They didn’t even have to draw attention to themselves; it was so obvious to the Doctor that he himself didn’t even realize consciously at first that he knew who it was. He just felt it; this strange - almost wrong, but not really – phantom feeling, like an itch that needed to be scratched but it seemed to be everywhere at once. It took them both a few seconds to recover from the shock and acknowledge each other, the Doctor spoke first.
“Hello Jack,” the Doctor said calmly as he turned around to face the other man. He remembered how difficult it had always been for him to look at Jack. Running from the man was never the answer, he could admit it to himself now, but it had felt so wrong at the time, the Doctor couldn’t help himself. And the TARDIS had been so alarmed that she had run as far as the end of the universe. But maybe it hadn’t been because of Jack, but because they had needed to be there. Despite Jack being the fixed point of time and the Doctor having been disconcerted by it before, it seemed that it irritated him less and less each time they met. It was like looking at the heart of the TARDIS and that was something the Doctor avoided as much as possible. It wasn’t as dangerous to him as it was to a human (still too risky even for Time Lords). It was just unusual, something to get used to. What bothered him more was that Jack was a fact and it went against everything the Doctor knew. But after recent events, it wasn’t the strangest thing in the universe. Jack was just another anomaly.
“Fancy seeing you here. Right on time, I might say. Come here,” he added as he turned back to look at the device, already thinking over the steps they together needed to do to defuse the bomb without an issue. A few precious seconds passed in silence while the Doctor waited for the other man to overcome the initial shock and do as instructed.
“Doctor? How...” Jack uttered in disbelief, immobile.
“No time for that now, get in here and press these two red buttons and then these three,” the Doctor said as he gestured at them, assuring himself that Jack saw which ones he meant by glancing briefly at the man. Jack moved quickly without asking any further questions and the Doctor appreciated it. He realized that he had actually never recognized how efficient and helpful Jack always was. He wasn’t without fault - nor was the Doctor – and had made mistakes for which he suffered. But the Doctor could admire one thing about Jack for sure – his endurance. He couldn’t wish for anyone more reliable in this situation.
“I’d have done it on my own, but sadly, I’ve got only ten fingers,” the Doctor commented cheerily with a wide smile as he looked up at Jack, who was already eying him closely with a bit of wariness. But that didn’t deter the Doctor from some more quips before giving more instructions which buttons to press and when. It was also good that Jack himself knew of this device as he was familiar with the Time Agency and their means of dealing with people they wanted to get rid of. Illegal or not.
After the initial grumpiness and annoyance over the TARDIS having dragged him into just another mess, in the end the men dealt with the bomb, the Doctor disposed of it rather efficiently if he said so himself, and together they walked out of the club without anyone suspecting anything. The Doctor still sensed the tension radiating from Jack as they walked the street leading to the TARDIS. Honestly, even the Time Lord felt a bit on edge, secretly hoping that Jack would have his own means to get back wherever he had come from. This thing between them couldn’t be solved by randomly meeting and working together. The wound (and a couple of abandonments from the Doctor’s side) had festered over time and even though Jack met his previous incarnation and they had worked together quite well, the Doctor was still apprehensive about travelling again full time and having Jack (or anyone) as a companion with him.
“Hey, Doc,” Jack said as he stopped abruptly a few meters in front of the TARDIS. Not expecting it, the Doctor stopped a few steps afterwards. Putting his hands into the pockets of his coat, the Doctor turned around and watched Jack closely, all the little nuances and wrinkles on his face. He aged a little bit, his brown hair interwoven with grey, still, he looked good. What a superficial and impromptu description though. The Doctor almost burst out laughing over such simplistic and sentimental thoughts. In reality, Jack’s existence blinded the Doctor completely as usual and he felt a gleam of delight spreading deep inside his chest upon their coincidental encounter. The Time Lord couldn’t remember if he had ever felt anywhere close to this amount of nostalgia and fondness before. Maybe the Doctor really was getting old, or maybe this time around with the same face, his emotions were felt stronger.
“It’s good to see you, it really is,” Jack said, his voice filled with emotion, and that exact moment the Doctor felt a powerful urge to run, just disappear and not witness what he did in those old, blue eyes. He had to put a lot of inner strength into staying on the spot and not destroy even that tiny spark of hope and affection that still glowed from within the man in front of him. The Doctor often wondered why Jack still regarded him so reverently even after all this time, and the trust the man placed into the Time Lord, he would have called it idiotic if it hadn’t been scary and humbling at the same time.
“But... are we meeting out of sync again?” Jack continued, his lips forming a typical smirk. Don’t change, the Doctor thought and smiled subtly at the scene.
“No, I don’t think so. We’ve met in the prison last time, right? And we fought the Daleks,” Doctor replied thoughtfully, he would have remembered if they had met somewhere in between.
“Oh, I thought... wasn’t really sure with that face. Didn’t know you could do that,” Jack commented with disbelief. Frankly, the Doctor was also perturbed by that, but he hadn't known the bi-regeneration hadn't been just a myth, either, so it was new to him, too.
“Aaah, yes, this,” he huffed while gesturing over his face before shaking his head, “it’s a long story. And I didn’t know it’s possible myself before it happened, you know, to me.” They both laughed at the wording and maybe also to relieve the awkwardness that surrounded them.
“You look good, Doc, no matter which face,” Jack said in a slightly playful tone, but to the Doctor it seemed more subdued than his usual flirty comments, it seemed genuine.
“Not that I wouldn’t want to hear more flattery thrown at me,” Jack’s eyes widened in surprise, but he got out of it in a second and laughed heartily at the Doctor’s blatant fishing for compliments, “but I’ve gotta go, Donna is waiting and I’d rather not risk the wrath of that woman upon me.”
“Oh, you travelling with Donna again? Let me say hi!” Jack exclaimed, already moving towards to the TARDIS, but was stopped by the Doctor’s hand holding him back.
“No, she’s home, safe with her family,” the Doctor said and continued quickly before Jack’s happy face fell even more than it had, “but I’ll say hi to her for you.”
“Okay, well, it was awesome meeting you here, Doc, but I’ve gotta go too, so...” The awkwardness intensified as they stood closer to each other and the tension was palpable. Jack’s piercing eyes bored into his with barely hidden yearning. Even though the Doctor had had an invitation to travel back with him on the tip of his tongue, perhaps it was better for them (especially for Jack) to go their separate ways. Truth be told, it had felt amazing to work with someone familiar again, although Jack’s feelings towards him still terrified him.
“Yes, right,” the Doctor clapped his hands cheerfully, “save travels, Jack, and thank you,” he added with a wide smile as he stepped back a bit, feeling slightly regretful, but also light as if some weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
“Anytime! Don’t be a stranger, Doctor, you know when and where to find me,” Jack said with a grin before saluting with the perfect posture of a soldier and turning around to be lost in the crowd. But before it could happen, there was something deep within his core forcing itself out of the Doctor’s mouth, though he was sure that it was a bit of a low blow, saying it and then leaving.
Again.
“It was good to see you, too, Jack,” The Doctor said quietly but knew deep in his bones Jack had heard him as his footsteps faltered a bit at those words. But the Time Lord didn’t wait for a reaction and quickly skipped to the TARDIS before he hopped inside and closed the door.
The Doctor stood on the ramp just barely holding himself together, breathing in and out several times to calm his hearts down. The emotions swirling inside his chest were so fierce and profound; his knees almost gave out on him. It was frightening how susceptible he was to all those chemical reactions within this body. Had it been always like this? So chaotic and blinding and almost uncontrollable? Not with Donna for sure and the Doctor loved her.
After a few minutes, the Doctor flung his coat over the railing and slowly walked to the console before setting the course home.