Chapter Text
The world fell quickly. Human dreamt about it almost every night, in some form or another. Society’s total annihilation did not play out like it had in the films: any semblance of resistance was dismal before being snuffed out entirely, a bucket of water thrown over a candle. Although, of course, the civilian casualties had been restricted. They had to minimise damage to their stock. She had seen only a few buildings actually aflame and the death of the few who had tried to resist before the sky had caught fire.
What had happened to the humans not fit for service had come later.
Her memories of that night were as clear and vivid as ever, which seemed wholly unfair. Time had done nothing to blur them, nothing to smooth their sharp, cruel edges. Nothing to dull the pain.
Human's first thought had been to try and find her family in the next city over when the sky had caught fire. She had leapt into her car, breathlessly grateful she had happened to fill the tank the day before, and sped into the night. Only, every other person in town seemed to be doing the exact same thing. The roads were clogged — hundreds of headlights and blaring car horns and screaming drivers assaulting her senses.
She had gripped the steering wheel and keened softly, the black leather frigid beneath her hands; it had been an unusually cold autumn. Cupped her hands to her mouth and tried to breathe some warmth into them, but her breath came out short and ragged. Stared at her shaking fingers, bile rising in her throat, the ground beneath her car’s wheels began trembling. If she woke during this part of the dream, she would find herself coated in sweat, muscles aching from clenching. If she did not wake, it would only get worse from there.
Tonight, she made it all the way through to the end.
Her eyes flew open as she spasmed into a seated position on her bunk, almost hitting her head on the bunk above. The screams were still ringing in her ears and she shook her head, trying to chase them away, like a fat black fly buzzing around her ear. Talk, thoughts, even dreams of the time before the Fall were insubordinate, and rumours of insubordination were the very last thing she needed at present. Human was to be put forward for Selection. She needed to be the picture of compliance.
Gritting her teeth, she forced herself to lay back down on her bunk’s firm mattress. The resolute blackness and soft breathing of the other humans in her quarter let her know it was still many hours until the lights would slowly rise in their pale imitation of dawn. Impossible to know if it was actually the middle of the night. She had not seen the sun since coming to the Facility. For all she knew, it could be midday outside. But thinking of the outside was also insubordinate, so she rolled on to her side and squeezed her eyes shut.
She focused hard on her breathing: four counts in, hold for four, four counts out.
The outside and the dreams of before the Facility did not serve her now. She let them dissolve, replacing them with the mantras they had taught her to keep the insubordinate thoughts at bay.
A good human was the picture of compliance. A good human spoke when spoken to. A good human watched, listened, anticipated her owner's needs. A good human submitted entirely.
She turned on to her other side, hopeful that readjusting to a new position might trick her brain into slipping back to sleep. Her Env suit kept her at a comfortable temperature at all times, but all the same, she missed the sensation of drawing a blanket up to her chin. She rubbed her legs together briskly and pulled her arms in close to her chest.
She wondered how many of the others in the bunks around her were awake as well. They were not permitted to leave their bunks until the alarm sounded, nor were they allowed to make any noise. Surely, she thought, at least one of them was lying there, still as stone even as their mind raced, wondering what the artificial morning would bring.
Stupid, she clenched her teeth together. What was happening to her thought discipline tonight? Thinking of the others was group think. Group think led to insubordination. Insubordinate behaviour invited elimination. Better she still her mind and pretend to be a tiny speck in the dark, floating alone in a vacuum.
Was it the anxiety of the Selection that was causing her resolve to waver like this?
The cold sweat she had awoken to was not improving and the screams were still rattling around her skull. She tensed the muscles in her core, her arms, her legs, then released them all at once, trying to bring herself under control. Compliant thought had been very soothing after everything she had been through — once she had gotten the hang of it. She had struggled against it at first, back before she had become Human. Struggled violently. It was a testament to the patience of the Handlers who ran the Facility that she had not been eliminated in those first few weeks.
The lights were her saving grace, rescuing her from her reeling thoughts. The bulbs began to glow dimly, the lowest setting, but they signalled that the day would soon begin. She practised her round breathing and her compliance drills. A good human was the picture of compliance. A good human submitted entirely.
Human would submit entirely