Work Text:
It was a chilly night, as it should be during winter, unfortunately for Dazai. He was wrapped in his one and only thin blanket, shivering under it, the fierce cold wind which somehow snuck into his shipping container, pricking at his skin as he tried to catch at least a wink of sleep. The mattress under him could barely qualify for one, the springs nearly almost ripping out of the fabric, and poking his bones. Damn Mori for putting him in this shipping container. He threw his malnourished body up, sitting on the top of the pathetic mattress. He was still wearing his work clothes, since he didn’t bother to undress into something more comfortable. Not like he even had other clothes that could keep him warmer in this kind of weather anyways. He stood up, feet crunching on the uncleared trash on the floor of his shipping container. He walked towards the entrance of his container, swinging the double doors apart. He braced himself for an even worse climate and weather outside, before sprinting out of the junkyard.
Chuuya groaned, getting up from his bed. The knocking on his front door was getting more urgent. “I’m coming! Jeez, can’t you wait?!” He slipped into the home slippers beside his bed, thankful for the heated floors he paid so much for during this harsh season. Who was even so insane to visit his house at this hour or at this kind of weather anyways?! He half-lidded opened the door slightly, eyes closed, still trying to wake himself up. “What do you want?” He asked, not even batting an eye and seeing who was at the door. He felt the door swing open fully, against his grip, much to his surprise. “Hey, what’re you-?!” Chuuya was cut off by himself, as he finally opened his eyes fully. It was… Dazai? “What are you doing here?” Chuuya says, shutting the door behind the both of them. He placed his hands on his hips, resting his weight on the nearby wall. He sighed, visibly tired from the lack of sleep he got considering that it was way too early in the morning for anyone to be awake. Dazai was still in his work clothes, though there was actively melting snow on his shoulders and head, in contrast to Chuuya, who was snuggly wrapped in pyjamas. Dazai’s hair was also messed up, and looked like it lost its usual warmth, unlike Chuuya’s red hair, which seemed weirdly attractively blazing in the artificial white light, that somehow made his hair glow even more. Dazai was paler than usual– which is a bad sign considering that he usually is already very pale– and, it seemed his eyebags got darker and had sunken into his skin again. Dazai bit his lip, his voice coming out quivery. (which shocked Chuuya since he never heard Dazai act that way, but he’d never say that to him.) “Let me stay for tonight. Please, Chuuya.” Chuuya was even more flabbergasted at this. Dazai never asked Chuuya for things so politely. Like, EVER. This was certainly a first. Although this should’ve been a welcoming first experience, Chuuya felt his heart drop hearing Dazai sound so…. Vulnerable. He could see that Dazai was already somewhat regretting even considering the idea of staying at Chuuya’s house for more than 2 hours, from the way he was staring at his feet.
Chuuya pushed himself off the wall, bringing his hand up to his forehead, already feeling an oncoming migraine. “Sure. Just don’t make a mess out of anything, or burn this place down or something. Basically, don’t do anything you would normally do. Oh, leave your shoes at the front door. I don't want whatever trash you stepped on to be brought inside my home.” He walked away, preparing a cup of Genmaicha tea for himself. “Do you want something to drink? It’s not like I can go back to sleep after just being so abruptly woken up, after all… Might as well do something.” Dazai perked up, his head swinging back into its original position. He seemed shocked? Maybe it was because he hadn’t expected Chuuya to actually agree for him to stay here, or even act so casually. He quickly processed Chuuya’s words internally, before kicking off his shoes. He wobbly shuffled into Chuuya’s house, lumbering towards his couch, and visibly melted at the warmth of the penthouse and the softness of the cushioning. ‘Strange. Did he not have any heating?’ Chuuya quickly shrugged off any idea of Dazai’s house, knowing it would likely be covered head to toe with litter and would smell absolutely foul, considering the boy’s lack of care for hygiene. “Hey, answer me, Dazai. Do you want anything to drink or not?” He asked again, frustratedly. “Huh? Oh, no thanks…” Dazai politely declined the offer, which again was completely unlike his usual attitude and behaviour.” Chuuya sighed again, for what felt like the hundredth time, and just prepared another cup of tea, though adding extra sugar since he knows that Dazai has a disgustingly sweet tooth. Knowing Dazai, even if he was on the verge of collapsing from the lack of hydration or proper nutrition, he would still decline any sort of consumable thing that even slightly benefited his body’s growth. Seriously, how did he even manage to live for so long living this way, much less growing so damn tall?
Once Chuuya had finished pouring the sugar and putting the tea bags inside their mugs, he turned around and leaned on the kitchen counter, staring at Dazai. He realised that he was still in his work clothes, and probably didn’t even bathe today yet. He sighed, and spoke up, which slightly startled the stiff boy. “Hey, do you have any extra clothes?” Dazai turned around, and shook his head. “No… it’s fine. I’m comfortable in these clothes.” He sighed again, and walked towards his room, finding the biggest sized pair of clothes he owned, and threw it onto Dazai’s lap. “Go bathe. You’re smelly, and I don’t want your greasy dirty body on my sofa. You already know how to use my shower, right?” Dazai stared down at the pair of messily folded clothes on his lap, and hesitantly got up, nodding his head in answer to Chuuya’s question, the clothes in his hand. He walked towards the bathroom—he already knew where it was considering the amount of times he had already stayed over at Chuuya’s house— and looked back at Chuuya only to be met with a glare, leaving no room for further discussion.
Chuuya set Dazai’s cup on the coaster on the glass coffee table in front of where Dazai was lying on, holding his own in his hand. Dazai looked puzzled at the sight of a second cup, glancing at Chuuya. “Drink. You know you’re thirsty.” Chuuya took a sip of his own less sweetened tea, making sure that Dazai drinks his ‘lovingly’ made beverage. Dazai looked at Chuuya, then at the cup in front of him, and again at Chuuya before finally hesitantly taking the cup in his hand and bringing it close to his mouth. The moment the liquid touched his tongue, he could taste the nutty flavour of roasted rice with the astringency of green tea roll on his tongue, feeling much better than not so long ago, when he left his shipping container.
Dazai heard a soft chuckle beside him, which quickly pulled him out of the comforting moment. He set the cup lower, and remembered that Chuuya was right next to him, watching his every move. He could feel his cheeks warm up, though he couldn’t tell if it was from the warm effects of the tea, or the way Chuuya’s laugh felt so wholesome, almost as comforting as the tea itself. “What’re you laughing at?” Dazai asks, brows furrowing, trying to deny whatever thoughts his own mind conjured up. Honestly, sometimes he scares himself, especially when it comes to thoughts about his work partner. “You look so… content, drinking such a simple cup of tea.” “Shut up. This is all your fault, for even making me a cup of tea, that is 100% terrible by the way, and forcing me to drink it.” Dazai was quick to think of a comeback, trying to direct the blame away from himself. This, in turn, only made Chuuya laugh harder. He could clearly tell that Dazai was definitely too tired to think as much as he usually does, even though he himself felt exhausted. He knew not to say anything back, though, because he knew that would just upset Dazai even more. So they sat in silence, drinking their tea, which somehow lasted for eternity, and glanced at each other secretly, their eyes sometimes meeting and holding each other’s gazes, before quickly turning their head away, too embarrassed to confront the other about it directly.
After what seemed like an eternity, their seemingly bottomless cups of tea finally had been drained empty. Chuuya got up, took their cups, and walked to the kitchen to wash up. Dazai, with nothing to do, sat on the couch and looked at Chuuya’s furniture, his eyes darting around aimlessly. His house was exactly as he had imagined it: clean, modern, and rich, though it brought no shock considering that it was a literal penthouse. Though, it wasn’t all that interesting, and Dazai found it much more amusing watching Chuuya. He’d never admit it, but he probably has the image of the redhead’s every detail practically tattooed in his brain. His freckles, specifically all 278 of them; the way his left eye is a captivating shade of blue– specifically the colour #b3fcff– and the way his right eye has like the same colour as the rich brown hue of a chestnut in autumn– specifically the colour #846234.
Dazai could go on and on and on about the way he adored Chuuya’s looks, but he was unfortunately snapped out of it, with the same person standing right in front of him, face barely centimetres away from his own, calling his name. “Oi, Dazai! Earth to Dazai!” Chuuya exclaimed, getting irritated. “Huh? Oh, sorry.” Was all he could say with Chuuya’s face so close to his own. He could feel his cheeks getting warmer again, and that stupid fuzzy feeling rose to his stomach again. It always came when he and Chuuya were physically close. But it was surely due to embarrassment, right? There’s no way there are other feelings at play for this. Absolutely no way. Chuuya sighed, and stepped away. Dazai felt relieved that Chuuya wasn’t going to do anything, but also disappointed that he hadn’t at the same time. Though, the gap between them didn’t last long when Chuuya plumped himself beside Dazai on the couch, head resting on Dazai’s stiff shoulder, closing his eyes slightly. This act actually just made him stiffen up even more, not used to the physical touch of others if it wasn’t meant to hurt him, or if he wasn’t meant to hurt them. “Jeez, calm down, won’t you? I don't bite. Plus, this is the least you can do for waking me up. At least let me get a couple hours of sleep in for tomorrow’s work. Some of us actually need sleep to operate, unlike your insomniac ass.” This somehow calmed Dazai down, resting his shoulder a little, so it was probably more comfortable for the unbelievably pretty boy lying on him right now, considering their giant height difference.
And thus, they sat in silence again. For the second time tonight, shockingly, considering the fact that they banter with each other at every opportunity they get whenever they see each other during work. Chuuya never actually got his desired sleep, only slipping in and out of it. Every time he was about to fall asleep, he was always somehow reminded of how he was currently resting on his sworn enemy. Dazai, however, just sat there, contemplating every molecule in his body, questioning his life choices. The stupid feeling that made his stomach uncomfortable; the way his face felt so hot it was practically about to explode at any moment; the way his brain was just racing overall with all sorts of ‘Chuuya’ this… ‘Chuuya’ that… thoughts; the way his palms got all sweaty whenever Chuuya shifted around; and finally the burning urge to just bring Chuuya’s face close to his again, or the urge to hold his hand. Basically, the current predicament was driving him absolutely insane.
After a while, Chuuya could feel how hard Dazai was thinking, and groaned, opening his eyes again. “Can you not think so loudly? I can practically hear your thoughts; they’re screaming in my ear. It’s way too early to be thinking so hard.” Dazai almost jumped slightly in his seat, though the redhead was keeping him firmly anchored.
“Sorry. Did I wake you up?”
“It doesn’t matter. I couldn’t fall asleep anyways. What’re you thinking about so hard at this time of the night?”
“Oh, nothing much. Something you shouldn’t worry your tiny little brain about.”
“So you’re finally feeling better, and are back to yourself? How troublesome. I was just enjoying being able to hear my own thoughts without your prick voice interrupting them.” Chuuya sighs.
“You know you can never get rid of me~! Even after I successfully kill myself, I would still come back just to annoy you.”
“Of course you would.”
Left with nothing else to talk about, the two sit comfortably, unknowingly moving closer to each other. They stared out at the window nearby overlooking the entirety of Yokohama, with all its bustling streets even at this ungodly hour, and the towering office buildings, the Port Mafia headquarters standing out particularly.
“Y’know, that star constellation kinda looks like you. Like a stupid fish.” Chuuya says briefly, neither explaining further(which was very much needed), nor even pointing out which specific constellation. Dazai seemed a little shaken by the sudden statement, not knowing if it was meant as a compliment or an insult, though it was probably the latter. “How so?” Dazai asks, trying to trace Chuuya’s line of vision and find what he was talking about. “Well, it looks like a fish. And, well, you look like one. Specifically a blue mackerel in the air, just like the star constellation. There isn’t really anything to add on, actually.” Chuuya pauses. “I don’t know why I said that.” Before going quiet again, likely deep in thought once more. To this, Dazai laughs, like, actually laughs. Chuuya turns to look at him, he and his frizzy, oily, quite-obviously-haven’t-been-washed-in-a-long-time hair. He and his stupid, pretty expressions. He and his stupid bandage-wrapping obsession. For unknown reasons even to himself, Chuuya found himself smiling at this. It wasn’t often to see Dazai so genuinely happy, after all. It was just the two of them at the moment, nobody bothering them, just them trying to forget all their problems that teenagers shouldn’t even handle, actually living like how they should be at their age. They only had so many opportunities like this.
They talked. And talked. They laughed. And laughed. About silly things that were irrelevant, simple, but they didn’t mind.
Out of absolutely nowhere, however, Dazai randomly spoke up, whilst looking up at the moon. “The moon’s beautiful tonight, don’t you think?” Chuuya just followed his gaze, though puzzled, and nodded. “Yeah, sure, I guess? Isn’t it always pretty, though?” Dazai couldn’t help but hum, and look at Chuuya. “I suppose you’re right.” He says, a small smile forming on his lips, as he sees the moon through Chuuya’s eyes somewhat lovingly. He supposes, that if he was as beautiful as Chuuya a tiny bit or even experienced the world as how Chuuya did just a little, perhaps the moon really would look beautiful every day to him. However, he’s quite grateful he already has his own moon to look up to and adore. Oh how he looked at his fiery own little moon so gratefully that it had pranced into his life, like a shining light, guiding him. Through the pits of darkness he was so deep in, giving him hope.
And at this moment, the revelation just came to him. The infamous Osamu Dazai, the Demon Prodigy, realised he was in love with the Chuuya Nakahara. How had he not noticed this before? How unbelievably oblivious was he to his own feelings? It was so painfully obvious. The thoughts that flooded his head every time he saw Chuuya; the urges to do unspeakable things to the boy whenever he irritated him slightly just to get back at him; the way he memorised everything about the boy: from details about his physical appearance that was so subtle, to the way he knows Chuuya’s breathing patterns and fighting style. Heck, he probably knew more things about Chuuya than he does about himself.
But, does Chuuya even reciprocate these feelings? Does he feel the same about Dazai? There was no way, right? ‘I mean, he does follow my every command and does put up with me every single day, so why won’t he possibly like me? Who wouldn’t like me? Are Chuuya’s standards really that high? Do I have to do something fancy to impress him or something just so I know?’ It was quite painfully obvious that Dazai was stressing over this unnecessarily, which Chuuya could definitely feel.
“What are you thinking of now?” He sighs, rolling his eyes. Dazai snapped out of it, and slapped himself internally for zoning out like that, before shaking his head. “Nothing. Just ignore it.” Chuuya got up from his shoulder, looking at Dazai intently. “Tell me. If something’s bothering you, I can try to help.” Dazai, shocked by such determination, was trying to fight the urge to kiss him that very moment with every atom in his body. “I don’t think you can help me. This is a problem I have to deal with by myself.” He bit his lip, and clenched his fist, scraping the black leather of Chuuya’s sofa slightly. “Why are you so stubborn? Just let me help you.” His expression was more determined now, and his hand scooched closer to Dazai’s, placing his own over the latter’s. Dazai felt like he was about to die right at that moment, not even trying to hide how hard he was blushing anymore. “Fine. You want to help me?” Chuuya nodded. “Okay, just don’t… just don’t freak out. And promise me you won’t get mad?” “I promise.” Dazai took in a breath, trying to encourage himself to just do it. To just get it over with. I mean, he wants it. And he’s never wanted something so badly before. So he does it. He leans in, and closes the gap between their faces. His lips landed on Chuuya's, which were soft and well taken care of, in contrast to Dazai’s cracked and dry lips. The kiss lasted only for a moment, though, before he pulled away. He could feel his mouth slightly quivering, and his hands would too probably if they weren’t supporting his body, and being grounded by Chuuya’s. He was definitely blushing like crazy although he couldn’t see himself, and desperately tried to avoid Chuuya’s gaze. Oh god, why did he actually do it? There’s no way Chuuya didn’t like him back. I mean, he’s unhygienic, he can barely take care of himself, and annoying as hell. Plus he hates me, ri—
Before Dazai’s thoughts could start spiralling again, he felt it. He felt the slightly sweet taste of lip gloss, and smooth lips against his. He widened his eyes in surprise, seeing Chuuya’s red hair right in front of his eyes, covering his vision slightly. His eyes were closed, meaning he was enjoying the kiss. He could feel Chuuya trying to get him to enjoy it too, but it felt forceful, hopeful. Does Chuuya really like him? Oh well, y’know what, fuck it. Who cares anyways? If he was the one who initiated the kiss, it must mean something, right? Without thinking, Dazai accepted the kiss, and just let Chuuya take the lead this time. It felt intoxicating, addicting, the way Chuuya sucked on his lip, the skin area around it, gently nibbling Dazai’s bottom lip affectionately. Dazai couldn’t get enough of it, he wanted more. His hand unconsciously travelled from his side to Chuuya’s face, fondling his cheek, and playing with his hair. He could feel Chuuya move, from his side to straddling his lap. It was a much more comfortable position for Dazai, since he didn’t have to crane his neck to the side, instead just needing to look up in front of him. Plus, in this position, Chuuya could get the satisfaction of finally being taller than Dazai in one way. They didn’t break the kiss once during this movement, and Chuuya could feel his oxygen running out. He tried to pull away gently, but Dazai kept his grip on Chuuya’s hair, locking him in place. What the hell? Does this bastard not need air too? He could feel his lungs screaming– and tried to do everything in his power to pull away.
Just as he started to feel lightheaded, Dazai finally loosened his grip and let Chuuya go. Not letting this opportunity go to waste, Chuuya finally pulled away from the brunette. He was panting, and his face was red by now. Dazai, on the other hand, was just breathing slightly heavier than usual, not showing any signs of desperately needing more oxygen unlike Chuuya. He just sat there in silence, watching Chuuya.
After catching his breath, Chuuya finally spoke up. “You idiot.” He bit his lip, obviously nervous. He couldn’t believe he was sitting on Dazai’s lap right now. It was a heat-in-the-moment thing, and wasn’t thinking straight, especially with the lack of oxygen. He was internally screaming at himself for doing it, heck, even for kissing Dazai. This certainly wasn’t how he was planning on confessing to Dazai.
“You… like me back?” Asked Dazai in a soft voice. The question sounded more like a statement, though. Chuuya snapped out of his self montage, and looked at him in confusion, and rolled his eyes.
“Obviously. Have you seriously not been picking up the hints I’ve been dropping? You took so long that I was starting to lose hope in you ever realising I liked you.”
Now it was Dazai’s turn to look confused. “You’ve been dropping me hints?”
“Wait, so did you seriously not pick them up? Not when I slept on you, not when I called you every day to chat with you?”
“I thought you were just being kind to me, and that you were tired…” Was he really that oblivious?
“Oh my god, you’re so fucking dense. I was wasting my energy on nothing.” He sighs. “Whatever. At least you still confessed. That was a confession, right?”
Actually, Dazai had no idea himself. Was it? He guesses so. How was Chuuya treating this so casually anyways? He knows it was his first kiss, but was it Chuuya’s? He hasn’t said anything about kissing anyone… but that could just mean that it was personal. Plus, what were they supposed to do now? Are they considered boyfriends? “I think so? What are we supposed to do… are we boyfriends now or what?” Chuuya paused and shrugged. “I guess so? I mean, I wouldn’t really mind.” “I don’t really mind too…” Dazai says shyly, giggling a little. He reached out to touch Chuuya’s cheek again. Chuuya kept quiet and let him, which made Dazai smile a little more. He pressed a kiss on Chuuya’s lips again, adoring the way they felt on his own.
They stayed this way, before Chuuya started to yawn. He leant on Dazai’s chest, acting like it was a makeshift pillow. Dazai noticed how his eyelids slowly began drooping, so he was obviously starting to feel sleepy again, and it seemed that the tea’s effects were wearing off on him. Dazai had honestly forgotten that other people actually needed proper sleep, in contrast to himself. “Do you want to sleep on your bed?” He asked, both lovingly and concerningly. He still couldn’t get over the fact that they were dating now. “No, it’s okay…” Chuuya nearly yawned whilst saying that, and his body was practically limp against Dazai’s. Dazai sighed, and simply stood up, carrying Chuuya in his arms. “Hey! What’re you…” “Shush. Let me do this for you. You’re obviously exhausted, and you should at least get a little sleep.” Chuuya cut him off, and left no room for discussion. Chuuya complied, and was a little grateful for this act of kindness since he really was tired. Dazai was struggling to carry Chuuya, because although he was taller, he barely exercised and his body was skin and bones, whilst Chuuya worked out regularly and was constantly fighting. Dazai didn’t complain though, because he knew that Chuuya deserved at least this much.
After what felt like an eternity, they finally reached Chuuya’s bedroom. Dazai put him down on the bed, and could feel his bones and joints creaking and thought they almost broke right then and there if he carried Chuuya any longer. Seeing how Chuuya was too tired to even move a muscle, Dazai tucked him in bed, pulling the covers above him, before placing a kiss on his forehead and taking his leave to the sofa. Sure, he loved his boyfriend very very much and wanted to be around him 24/7, but he also respects his privacy.
Just as he was turning away, he heard Chuuya grumbling, and was tossing and turning, as if he knew that Dazai was leaving and was complaining about it. He laughed to himself on how absolutely adorable Chuuya was acting when he was so sleepy. He sat next to Chuuya on the bed, and decided that maybe he should just stay with him. After all, he wouldn’t want to deal with a grumpy Chuuya.
He climbed over the redhead, trying his best not to kick him or disturb his sleep, and settled beside him. He snuggled beside Chuuya, getting comfy in the soft blanket and the mattress better than his own. After being content with the position he was in, only then did he turn his head towards Chuuya. For the first time, he saw Chuuya eye to eye on equal level. Sure, it was one thing to see him from his usual height looking down on him, but it was a completely different thing when looking at him straight. He could see the way his mouth slightly opened to breathe, or that there were small little scars from the lab that his hair otherwise covered from the angle Dazai usually looked at him.
Dazai spent the night staring at Chuuya, though his eyelids started to droop. He tried to resist the exhaustion to adore Chuuya with his eyes, but it all just crashed onto his body too fast. Plus, he knew that whenever he did manage to catch a wink of sleep, it always churned into a nightmare, causing him to wake up. He’d much rather be sleep deprived than retraumatised or live through those memories again.
Though, this night seemed to be special. No nightmare bothered to come and disturb him, and left him alone. It could’ve been the moon, shining so brightly that it blazed all the memories Dazai had fought back so hard; or it could’ve been Dazai’s personal sun, burning up and comforting the memories away. Either way, Dazai slept peacefully for the first time in what seemed to be years. Naturally, a small smile formed on his face, and his body was attracted to the natural warmth of Chuuya’s.
The next day, he woke up from what seemed to be the best sleep he’s ever had. He woke up with a beautiful redhead next to him, cuddled in his arms, breathing softly. He had the urge to poke Chuuya awake, craving companionship and attention from the latter, but decided against it looking how fast asleep Chuuya was. He stared at Chuuya, paying full attention to every detail of his, absolutely adoring the boy. Said boy started moving around as the sun creeped in through the closed curtains and hit him directly in the face. He grumbled, and brought his hand close to his own face, trying to shield himself from the sunlight. Dazai giggles at this, earning him a grumble from his partner. “Good morning sleepy head.” Dazai hums. He slithers his right arm around Chuuya’s waist, pulling him closer towards himself, whilst his other caressed his cheek. “5 more minutes…” Chuuya groaned, melting into Dazai’s hands. Dazai chuckles, and plants a gentle kiss on Chuuya’s forehead. “Cmon, we have work.” It seemed like Chuuya wasn’t budging not one bit, so Dazai decided that perhaps it was best they stay in bed. Just for 5 minutes. Plus, he wanted to savour this moment. They won’t oversleep, right? He leans in, plants another kiss on Chuuya’s forehead, moving his hair away from his face, and whispered, “I love you.” He then closes his eyes again, letting sleep slowly overwhelm him once more.