Work Text:
"I've been doing some research..."
Hank had been TRYING to get through some paperwork before Connor decided to do another one of his abrupt interjections. Sighing, he noted the timid tone of his partner's voice. He was slowly becoming used to the android’s new habit of trailing off his sentences when asking difficult questions, but it was still something of a novelty. He'd never done it previously, but Hank figured that it was a side effect of discovering the big wide world of human eccentricities.
"Out with it, Con," Hank said flatly, barely sparing a glance up from his computer.
The white flourescent lights of the precinct briefly flickered in the time it took for Connor to bite his lip and calculate an answer.
"I believe it might be beneficial for Sumo to have a companion." The android smiled awkwardly, hoping that his pleading eyes would work the way they usually did on the older man.
"Perhaps a cat?” They are almost entirely independent, most are extremely affectionate, and the sound of their purring has numerous health benefits."
He leaned across his desk, moving both his body and his overtly earnest gaze more toward his partner, his chocolate brown eyes shining hopefully and his dark eyebrows pulled together to charming effect.
"No," Hank intoned sharply, gritting his teeth and continuing to not look up from his work.
Connor frowned and watched as Hank pounded at his computer. If the man inflicted any more force on the interface, it might call for a swift intervention.
"But Lieutenant--"
"I said no, Connor. Sumo would freak out and a cat would be too much of a hassle."
He saw Connor's smile fade and inwardly praised himself for his triumph. "Why don't you get a fishtank or something?"
The younger man scrunched up his nose slightly.
"While I enjoy watching the fish swim in their tanks, I don't feel as though I would be able to devote enough time to care for an aquarium," he said, his voice glum enough for Hank to infer that he had given the idea a good amount of thought already.
The lieutenant shrugged. "Well then I guess you're outta luck, because I'm not letting you bring a new furball into my house."
Connor paused to consider his options. The small light on the side of his head pulsed a contemplative yellow.
He took a breath and fixed his face into the little lopsided smile that he knew his grumpy partner favored.
"You know I recently saw a very sweet video online of a mother cat caring for her babies and--"
"CONNOR," Hank interrupted, finally turning icy eyes and a hardened expression to his partner. "Have you ever handled a cat?"
"No." Connor shifted in his chair in indignation. "But I would like to."
Hank took a break from his work. He leaned back and ran a hand through his tangled grey hair. In what universe did his partner actually think he would agree to letting a cat live with them?
"Do you know what they're like? Some of them are pure evil."
Connor's LED briefly spun a lazy yellow circle.
"I don't believe a feline is capable of being pure evil," he said finally. "I like cats...I think."
Hank grimaced. He could sense a headache coming on and he knew it would only get better if Connor got his way in one fashion or another.
"If you really want, we could try one of those...uh..." He hesitated, unsure of himself. "Cat cafe's?"
He could already anticipate the incoming questioning.
“Before you ask, I saw one being advertised on the morning news last week, OK?"
Connor tilted his head minutely, still seated, pristine and untouchable in his starched white button up and jacket.
“Cat cafe?," he inquired.
Hank cleared his throat in embarrassment.
"Yeah, you pay a fee to pet some adoptable cats and drink tea or coffee or thirium for a coupla hours. No committment to buy a cat or anything."
The young detective took a few intensely quiet moments to think about it. Meanwhile, the older man smiled to himself. Only his partner could make something so mundane seem like a huge life-changing event.
"I believe I would like to visit a cat cafe,” Connor said finally, scrunching his eyebrows minutely into a pleading look. "Would you please take me to one?"
As ever, Hank continued to be unnerved by the power the 'android sent by Cyberlife' had on him.
"Yeah, sure, so long as you promise not to fall in love with any of them."
Connor touched his temple in a two-fingered boyscout salute. "Got it, Lieutenant."
A piercing whistle broke through the low-leval hum of the bullpen. They hadn't realized that Detective Reed had been glaring at them from two desks over for the entirety of their conversation.
"Hey, plastic asshole and his boyfriend!," Gavin yelled, loud enough to scare some nearby officers. "Some of us are trying to work over here! Keep your fucking date plans to yourselves!"
Connor and Hank shared a long-suffering look from over their desks, and finally got back to their neverending caseload.
--------------
Hank stood in the entranceway of the one and only cat cafe in the city that had an available time slot for the end of the day. Though it had been a mere five minute drive from the precinct to the now-thriving downtown area of Detroit, Hank felt as though he had traveled far outside of his comfort level.
As soon as they entered the establishment, the brightly colored walls set his teeth on edge, and the soft background music did the opposite of putting him at ease. The place looked like any other coffeeshop, except for the tall sleek cat furniture in every corner of the room, and what appeared to be luxurious coordinating cat beds spread out between some of the tables in the dining area. There were decorative pots of cat grass lined up on a little platform, and Hank watched as a plump calico cat nibbled on one experimentally.
"Hank! This one is named Miss Whiskers!" Connor spoke excitedly, and maybe a little too loudly, from the very front of the cafe.
He had barely entered the place and was already enamored by the concept. The man in question rolled his eyes and prayed that his partner wasn't susceptible to the common charms of the domestic feline. However, he noted with dismay that Connor was already on his knees in front of a square cat den, whipping his head around between the cats so fast that the stray bit of hair on his forehead bobbed wildly.
Hank put his hands in his pockets and grimaced.
"Great. Fantastic. Just pet them already so you can get this out of your system."
Connor turned his attention to a young cat with uneven grey stripes, who was currently half in and half out of a cubbyhole, harassing a catnip-filled toy shaped like a mouse. The android smiled softly and reached out a hand for the cat to investigate. With lighting fast speed, the cat leapt at the slender fingers, Connor moving just fast enough to retract his hand in time to avoid getting clawed.
The android turned a hurt look upon his partner. "Hank? Why is this one so hostile? I barely initiated contact with it!"
The older man snickered.
"Well, Con, cats are unpredictable. Sometimes they're affectionate, and sometimes they just don't want to be bothered."
Connor huffed a laugh Hank still wasn't used to hearing, his partner's perpetually hoarse voice stirring something affectionate in Hank's chest.
"Ah, so they're very similar to you."
Hank's face took on a pained note as he registered the android's supposedly naive sense of humor.
"Haha. Pet that one over there," he gestured, already regretting planning this little outing.
Connor tilted his head. "You mean the one with the mark on his face?"
Connor grinned softly as he took in the cat's cautious demeanor and battle-scarred brown muzzle. "He looks like a fighter."
As he gingerly approached the wary cat, he asked, "Hank, why don't you pet one yourself?"
Hank shook his head.
"Hell no. I had a cat once and I still bear the scars." He put his hands in his pockets as he wandered off a little ways to study the coffee and tea menu up near the register.
"At least your skin can regenerate," he said over his shoulder.
Connor nodded just as the cat hissed, its hackles rising and its claws emerging from soft paws.
The android grimaced. "This one seems to have the temperament of a Reed cat."
Hank huffed a laugh from where he was standing in line. He watched with amusement as the younger man moved around the room, intent on petting every fuzzy creature in the damn place, distributing the treats he’d bought earlier to all the ones who dared to take an interest in the gentle android.
Connor seemed to be slowing down when, all of a sudden, he gasped as he sighted a large, grumpy looking Persian cat that was mottled with several different shades of grey. It calmly sat on a perch that was only an inch or two higher than eye level. The deeply colored layers of its long shaggy coat mixed with streaks of lighter shades to make for a somewhat scruffy impression. The animal had startling blue eyes set in a perpetually disdainful looking face.
Connor found himself transfixed.
"HANK." he breathed reverently, raising his eyes as he lifted a cat treat up into the air as an offering.
Hank raised an eyebrow.
"He looks just like you!" Connor's face broke out into a dazzlingly wide grin. "It's a Hank cat!"
“I’m not sure if I should be offended or not.”
They watched as the cat slowly blinked. It stretched for a long moment, sniffing at the morsel in Connor's hand before deeming the offering worthy of eating.
Hank abandoned the drink line and made his way towards the pair. He peered at the fluffy animal in its alcove, convinced that his partner had finally lost his damn mind. Or microchip. Or whatever he had up there in that big goddamned brain of his.
Connor seemed entranced as he rubbed the cat's forehead. He turned a soulful gaze to his partner. "You know it really resembles you." He bit his lip in contemplation before continuting. "...That is, in the morning before you've had your coffee."
"You little shit." Hank narrowed his eyes. "Following that logic, a Roomba is a Connor cat."
Trying out a move he had been practicing in secret, Connor stuck his tongue out like a child. He paused, cracking an eye to see its effect.
Hank let out a pained groan. "Argh. Don't do that again. You look like you're about to ram some evidence down your throat."
Connor grinned smugly. This entire outing was proving to be an endless treasure trove of satisfying experiences.
---—————-
Hank settled himself in a comfy chair to drink his coffee as he enjoyed the spectacle of Connor devoting himself to greeting every cat by name and learning all of their personal histories.
After about an hour of watching his partner take selfies with every damn cat and kitten in the room, he finally called an end to their outing.
“Hey, Con, it’s time for us to go. And can’t you take those pictures with your mind or something?”
They headed outside, Connor smiling as though he had just been to Disneyland.
“Well, I obviously can’t take selfies like that, Hank.” He crinkled his eyes in thought. “Besides which, I haven’t gotten a selfie with YOU yet.”
Sighing, Hank put his arm around Connor and let him carefully pose themselves under the cafe’s cheery storefront, a few cats visible in the background, and a paw-shaped sign in view.
As they took their pictures, Hank thought of maybe printing one of them out to put on his desk at work. Maybe. Just to annoy Reed.
He coughed and ducked his head. “Hey Con, you mind sending those pictures to me?”
The corner of the android’s mouth flicked up for just a moment. “Of course, Hank.”
He looked up at his partner through dark lashes. “Maybe we can print them out and put them somewhere prominent?”
The older man coughed again awkwardly and tried to ignore the uncomfortably warm and fuzzy feelings in his chest.
“Yeah, uh. Sure.”
As they finally climbed into Hank’s creaky old hulk of a car, Connor spoke softly. “This was fun, Hank. Thank you for experiencing it with me.”
Hank could feel his heart melting slightly and his mouth pulling up into a rare, genuine smile.
“No problem, Con. I’m just glad you didn’t bring home a boxload of kittens.”
“Never underestimate me Lieutenant,” the android quipped.
“I always accomplish my mission.”
————-
Two weeks later saw their precinct bustling with activity, as Hank and Connor worked steadily on the paperwork for their latest case.
Visible beside them were shiny new photos, proudly pinned above their shared workspace.
“I see your date with that weird fuckin’ android went well,” Gavin spat as he wandered by, nodding over to the wall. “When’s the wedding?”
Hank grimaced. “Maybe one day you’ll finally experience happiness, Reed. You might like it.”
“Yeah, well, judging by those pictures, you have a new fuzzy fuckin’ kid together.”
Hank followed his gaze to the newest photos Connor had added to the others earlier in the morning.
A young kitten’s glossy black fur and sweet blue eyes took up a majority of one of the photos, but Connor’s excited face could be seen behind the little thing, with Hank standing in the background, his arms crossed and his brow furrowed. Another picture showed the small cat spread luxuriously on top of Sumo, sleeping soundly with her pretty pink collar on display.
“Her name is Princess, and I have been her mother figure since we adopted her.” Connor interjected helpfully.
To Hank, Gavin’s smirking face was looking ever more punchable by the second.
“Right, so you’re the mommy and Hank here’s the lucky dad?”
Connor’s light spun a quick circle.
“Hank shares equal responsibility in kitten-rearing duties, yes.”
Gavin snorted as he watched Hank redden and lower his head closer to his computer screen, desperately pretending to work.
“Congratulations. I’ll be sure to spread the news to everyone,” Gavin spoke over his shoulder as sauntered away from their desks.
“Thanks, Con,” he growled from where he was hunched into his desk.
“You’re welcome, Lieutenant.” he chirped happily. “By the way, it’s your turn to clean Princess’s litter box”
Hank groaned.
“Fine, but you gotta stop feeding her those damn tuna treats. They make her poop smell like death.”
Connor stayed silent, but let his eyes crinkle up in thinly disguised amusement.
“HEY EVERYONE!”
All over the bullpen, heads shot up with lightning speed. They looked at Gavin half in annoyance and half in expectation.
Reed continued his declaration, this time from the top of a chair.
“The tin can’s got Hank fuckin’ robo-pussy-whipped!”
The silence was deafening.
Hank let his head thump down onto his desk as Connor barely looked up from his computer.
Tina’s voice pierced through. “Tell us something we don’t know, or shut the fuck up and do your work.”
“Yeah,” Chris called from somewhere near the break room. “We all know about those two, you’re not special.”
Gavin’s face fell just as Fowler emerged from his office.
“Everyone get back to work and leave the Anderson family alone!,” he yelled. “They have a beautiful new furry daughter at home!”
———————-
After a mortifying few minutes, Hank finally relaxed as he realized that literally no one in the precinct said a word to him or even cared about anything except the new delivery of donuts that had just arrived.
“I like the sound of that” Connor stated offhandedly.
“What, Reed yelling like the idiot he is?”
“No,” He continued. “‘The Anderson family’ has a nice ring to it…”
He glanced shyly over to Hank’s side of the desk.
“Are you aware that I currently don’t have a last name, Lieutenant? Perhaps…”he trailed off again.
Hank narrowed his eyes.
“We’ll talk about it later.”
Connor smiled softly and raised an eyebrow as “NEW MISSION ADDED” flicked up onto his HUD.
————————
The End.