Chapter Text
You laid there shaking as you realized what you'd done. You couldn't take it back. And now that you'd crossed that boundary there was no coming back. You couldn't exactly tell Shanks that you didn't want to do that again.
He came back from the bathroom smiling and happy and handed you a glass of water.
“Thank you,” you mumbled.
Shanks sat down next to you and wrapped his arm around your waist. “Think nothing of it, starshine. Just relax and let me take care of you. Do you need anything? Are you feeling okay?”
You look at your lap and don't look at him. “I… I don't know.”
Shanks furrowed his brow. He moved to face you and brought his hand to your chin making you look at him. “Hey, now, starshine, you can tell me anything. What's wrong?”
You pulled away and looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze. “I…I shouldn't have done that.”
Shanks let out a sigh. “Don't lie to me. You wanted me just as much as I wanted you.”
Your heart felt like it was leaping out of your chest. “But I don't love you and doing something so intimate–”
“Enough!” Shanks shouted. “Stop overthinking everything and just fucking enjoy yourself for once. Please. Can you just stop making every fucking thing a fight?”
You flinched at his sudden burst of anger, shielding your face as though he was going to hit you.
“Stop,” he snapped, grabbing one of your wrists and pulling it away from your face. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“You've done it before, why should it be any different now?” Your voice was panicked, but you still felt bad for telling him the truth. “I'm sorry that I'm scared of you. I'll shut up now."
Shanks looked down at you, seeing the genuine fear and exhaustion in your face. “You really are scared of me?” he whispered.
You nodded, not looking at him. “How can I not be?”
He tilted your face up and gently caressed it. “I'm about to be your husband, please, enlighten me, what have I ever done to make you afraid?”
You let out a strangled laugh. “What have you ever done to make me trust you?” You tried to pull out of his grasp, but his single hand squeezed just a fraction tighter tighter. You felt like he was studying you, critiquing every little thing about you and it was overwhelming. You averted your eyes. “Shanks, let go of me.”
“Oh, starshine, you know that I would never really hurt you,” he said, indignantly. You could hear the fake frustration in his voice, the mocking tone. “What kind of man would I be if I injured a weak woman like you?” He kept a firm grip on your chin, holding it in place even as you tried to pull away. His fingers dug into your skin with an almost bruising intensity and you let out a soft whimper of pain. “Aww, baby girl, does that hurt?”
“Yes,” you hissed.
“Good. It's supposed to.” Another chill ran down your spine. “Because you're fighting me again and I'm done. I've given you more than enough time to get comfortable with everything.”
You looked up at him with wide eyes. “Maybe it was enough time for you, but is there ever enough time to be forced into a damn marriage? I'm sorry that I'm terrified of you.”
Shanks looked at you and his expression softened a little. “You don't have to be terrified of me if you can learn to stop fighting me so much.”
“Well, then maybe you could be nicer to me. Do you think I enjoy being shouted at every time I try to talk to you? You say that everything is a fight, but I can't even tell you how I feel about anything without you getting upset.”
Every part of this started because you just wanted him to be nicer. Tears started welling in your eyes.
“Shh. Relax. I don't want you to work yourself up, Starshine. I know my tactics can be… a lot. But it's only because I wanted you to let me take care of you. And you did and it was amazing.” For the first time his level headed nature was replaced by a small inkling of the delusional man lying beneath the surface. Though as soon as it was there it was gone, like a figment of your imagination. “I don't like scaring you or yelling at you or having to make you fear me to obey, but I had to do it to help you understand how amazing we could be together.”
You didn't believe him. You knew what he did. You knew what he was capable of. “Then if you don't want me to be afraid, is it too much to ask for you to be a bit nicer to me?”
His fingers loosened on your chin and he ran his thumb over your lips. He sighed. “No, it's not too much to ask.”
“I just want to feel like I'm actually special and not just some prize to be won because… because I'm not. I'm a person. With feelings and it's not fighting to tell you how I feel in the moment.”
Shanks looked at you in surprise. For the first time you could see the realization dawning on him that all these mind games had left you feeling like an object rather than the woman he loved. “You are special. And you're not wrong for wanting to feel like it. I'm sorry, starshine.” For the first time ever you felt like he wasn't trying to manipulate you or play a mind game. “Tell me what you want, baby girl. Let me make you feel special.”
You pulled your legs to your chest. “Clean clothes and just hold me without trying to make it an excuse for intimacy.”
Shanks let out a soft chuckle. “Is that all you want?” He grabbed you clean pajamas making it clear that you wouldn't be leaving again. You dressed yourself, not wanting to be nude anymore. Shanks pulled his own pants back on leaving his muscular chest exposed and flopped back on the bed, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you into him. “There you go.”
He was treating it like it was a small thing, but for you it meant everything. It was just a moment where you didn't have to try and make him happy for your own safety. A moment where you could think about everything. A moment to just be.
As you laid there you wondered if it would ever be possible to find joy in this life. His large hand rested on your back and stroked up and down reassuringly.
“Is this what you need, baby girl, some simple affection?”
“It's not simple for me,” you mumbled. “I’m not like you. I can't just… I don't sleep around… and I want it to feel special when I… I just want to feel special alright?” You felt like you were struggling to explain yourself. You were tired of fighting, but you still needed him to understand you.
“I'm sorry,” he said so softly you almost didn't hear it. “Sometimes I forget that you can't feel what I feel.”
You turn your head to look at him expecting some joke or additional quip, but there was a weariness in his eyes, more than just the bags that came from him being in his late 30’s. “Tell me. What do you feel?”
“Have you ever heard of Love Sickness?”
You thought of an old fairytale about it and a few romance novels that used it as a plot. Amaryllis had made a few jokes about it. But that was it. As far as you knew it was at best a myth and at worst entirely made up to explain the death of a fairy tale princess. “It's the central plot point of one of the most beloved fairy tales in the New World, if not the whole of the Grandline. I should hope I've heard of it.”
“And outside of fairytales?”
“I mean, I've heard jokes about it and myths. And I imagine that someone can make themselves sick from love in the short term, but I doubt it's anything like the myths and fairytales.”
Shanks chuckled. “If only it were that straight forward. You know, there's a rumor that the island of Amazon Lily is cursed with the disease. Apparently every single Empress of the island is destined to develop love sickness. Some of them fight off the disease and move on, ravaged by the effects, but still alive. Others are lucky enough to have their true love fight through a hoard of pirates to save them from it. And some are not so lucky and they eventually die from it.”
“Sounds like a story people made up to justify their lust,” you replied with an almost bemused look.
Shanks let out a resigned sigh. “Maybe some people do, but the disease is very real. Countless souls set off into the Grandline looking for the One Piece, but you're more likely to catch love sickness than you are to find Laughtale.”
“And let me guess, you're going to try and claim that you have come down with a case of love sickness.” His hand stilled on your back and his breath hitched for just a moment and he looked at you with that same weary and pained expression.
“I’d never make a claim like that lightly. I know too many people who were affected by it. It all started when you were attacked and I saved you. I saw red when he touched you. Felt like I couldn't breathe. You were already mine, you just didn't know it yet. The only reason I didn't kill him was because you were already terrified.”
Was his love sickness triggered by a jealous rage or was that moment just the one that made him recognize the condition. Your mind swirled recognizing contradictions from things he said when he first chained you up, his terrifying words burned in your brain.
‘You are going to be instrumental in helping me reach the One Piece…You're going to have my child.’ Had all that been a lie? Or maybe this was the lie. Or maybe he'd still been lying to himself when he told her that.
Or maybe both could be true. He came down with love sickness and decided that she would be perfect to help him get the One Piece.
“You told me before that you took me to have your child…to help you get the One Piece. Was that…were you lying?”
Shanks laughed. “No. I wouldn't be surprised if my interest in having a child may have triggered the love sickness. I guess something inside me told me that you had to be the mother of my child.” He let out a shaky sigh, his large hand coming up to cup your cheek. “I tried to stop it. But once you come down with the condition there's nothing you can do.”
“So what happens if I don't love you back?” You'd heard the myths. If the real disease was anything like the mythical one, then the outcome wouldn't be good for him.
“Some people die and others become a mere shadow of their former selves, losing even their strength of will to the disease. I'd choose death over the latter. So, it's your choice Starshine. Will you let me prove to you how good it can be and save a dying man's life?”