Chapter Text
The bar was loud.
The base of the music was reverberating through Remus’s skull, but he finally felt like he could breathe again. As much as he loved his friends, he was finding it very difficult to be the only one currently single. Whilst the rest of the world had celebrated the wedding of James and Lily Potter, only their friends knew the truth. There would have been no James and Lily if there wasn’t already a James and Sirius or a Sirius and Lily. The three of them were bound together so tightly that you couldn’t have one without the others.
James and Lily may have chosen to marry, without disclosing the truth to the public, but their relationship with Sirius was just as certifiable. Sirius had not wanted James or Lily to face the wrath of his family. He didn’t need a sacred oath to know that the other two belonged to him as he did to them. Three people slept in the giant bed at the house in Godric’s Hollow and they always would.
Remus loved them, he really did, but being around that kind of joy when you had none of it yourself was a particular kind of torture. Now that even Peter had recently got a girlfriend, it was unbearable.
Which led to Remus being here.
At a gay bar near the entrance to Diagon Alley.The very same gay bar where Sirius first kissed James. Where the marauders had spent many good nights together. Now, Remus haunted its peeling bar and worn floors alone, desperate to recover the good times of the past. He searched for solace in the hands and mouths of its patrons, but nothing seemed to fill the hole inside him.
He felt particularly bereft that night. Lily was due soon and the three of them were so over the moon that they had been blinding. He had been happy for them, he really had, but the emptiness in his heart felt cavernous in comparison. It made him desperate.
Scanning the room, he looked for some kind of relief.
He did a double take when he saw him. His short black hair curled around his ears and his back was straight as it had always been. He looked around the room with wide grey eyes, his expression one of awe. The clothing he wore was odd. It held all the mistakes that only pureblood wizards who had never been around muggles would make. The cut of his jacket, though of the finest quality, was about a decade out of fashion. All the muggles were giving him a wide berth.
Remus bit his lip. This was the last place he had ever expected to see the heir to the House of Black.
The last time he had seen Regulus Black had been in Diagon Alley. He had stood with a blank face and empty eyes as his parents spewed vile at Sirius when they passed him in the street. The perfect picture of a pureblood heir.
Sirius didn’t talk much about his brother. There was pain there, when he looked at the man standing behind the vicious forms of his parents, but he would never malign him. It was always that he was soft and easily led. Or that his heart was not strong enough to stand up to their hatred.
Remus would never have expected to see him here.
Before he could truly think over the consequences of his actions, he walked toward Regulus until he stood directly behind.
“Are you having a pleasant evening, Black?”
Regulus jerked around and his eyes went even wider, his mouth a perfect “o”. Remus couldn't help but lower his gaze to those lips, parted so prettily in that too pale face. The man in question didn’t seem to notice Remus’s slip. His eyes darted to all corners of the room instead.
Remus moved to lean against the bar next to Regulus and motioned for a drink.
“It’s alright. It’s just me and I won’t tell anyone,” Remus assured him.
After the bartender took his order, he turned to face the uptight pureblood again. Regulus was staring at him with narrowed eyes. His back was just as straight as the moment Remus had first seen him and he was holding his glass of whisky in a white fist.
“How do I know I can trust you?” he asked warily.
Remus shrugged and reached for his beer when the bartender set it in front of him. “You can’t but I assure you my lips are sealed.”
“What’s in it for you?”
Remus laughed. “I don’t know how many people would believe me, to be honest, but mostly I don’t believe in going around and blabbing other people’s private business.”
Regulus was silent. What was he doing here? How did he even know about this place? A water droplet that has condensed on the outside of the glass slid down over Regulus’s knuckles before he lifted his drink to his lips, the shake in his hand the only sign that he was nervous. Remus took a swig of his own beer in solidarity whilst he waited for the taciturn man beside him to speak. He seemed to be waging a war inside himself as he looked back and forth between Remus and the bar.
He eventually seemed to make a decision and asked, “How exactly does this work?”
Remus raised an eyebrow, and Regulus blushed an incredibly pretty shade of pink.
“How does what work?”
Regulus leaned forward until he was hissing into Remus’s ear. The waft of his breath over Remus’s ear made his skin prickle.
“Finding someone here for sex.”
Remus choked on his beer and Regulus leaned away, treating him with an expression bordering on disgust. When Remus finally got a hold of himself, he looked back up to find Regulus acting completely unperturbed about the situation, as if he hadn’t just flatly propositioned one of his brother’s oldest friends. The only sign that even indicated something might be amiss was the soft pink rising up his neck.
Remus leaned into Regulus to return the favour. “Are you asking me?”
Regulus gulped and Remus watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. He could feel something building inside him, and it could simply have been the shock of finding a bashful Regulus here, but he couldn't ignore the carnal desire from the wolf to clamour and bite down on the snowy white flesh of Regulus’ neck. What kind of sound would he make if Remus sucked it into his mouth. Would he beg? Would he moan?
“I–” Regulus started breathily, “I don’t care who it is.”
Remus let his head fall onto Regulus’s shoulder as he let that sink in. Should he? What would Sirius say? Surely, it would be okay as a one-time thing, right? Regulus was probably just trying to sow some wild oats before he went back to being the perfect son and got married to some uptight pureblood bitch. Remus’s blood was hammering against his skull and his cock was very firmly letting him know what it wanted.
He sucked in a deep breath, which was the ultimate mistake because he was suddenly overwhelmed by the smell of him. It was hints of smoky wood and citrus with an underlying scent of musk.
He smelled divine.
Remus leaned back a little bit until he could see those perfect lips again, his desires clamouring at him to take that next step, before he leaned forward and pressed a tentative kiss against them. Regulus squeaked at the sudden intrusion before his hands landed on Remus’s chest and he melted against him with a sigh.
Encouraged, Remus opened his mouth and licked a stripe across Regulus’s lips. Like a flower blooming, Regulus opened for him and Remus couldn't help but slip his tongue inside. What happened next, however, wasn't such a conscious decision The wolf took over and he suddenly had one arm wrapped around Regulus’s waist as he pulled him close. His other hand crawled its way up to wrap itself in Regulus’s curls, tugging on the dark strands and eliciting a loud moan.
Someone nearby coughed pointedly, and the two men broke apart, panting.
Regulus’s eyes were kiss drunk and his lips glistened in the low light. Fuck, he looked hot.
Remus muttered an apology and grabbed Regulus by the hand, before he dragged him outside and around into the alleyway. After a quick muggle repelling charm, Remus apparated them back to his flat. Despite stumbling as they arrived, Remus quickly turned to ask the younger man how he wanted to go about this, only to be hit with the full force of Regulus’s body flying straight at him.
Regulus’s hands fisted into the front of Remus’s shirt and pulled him down to kiss him. The kiss was frantic, almost manic. As if he thought that at any moment Remus was going to pull away from him and run.
“Woah,” Remus pulled back with his hands on either side of Regulus’s face. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Please don’t stop,” Regulus pleaded. “I need this. I’ve been holding on for so long. I – I can’t wait any more.”
His hands pulled and scrabbled at Remus’s clothes. Remus let him and he relished in the feeling of another person’s hands on his skin after so long. After Remus’s shirt and trousers hit the floor, Regulus wrapped one slender hand around the shaft of his cock, making him shudder.
“Fuck,” Remus moaned as Regulus tentatively moved his hand up and down.
With renewed vigour, Remus began to strip Regulus. He pulled helplessly at the tiny buttons holding the front of his shirt together and eventually took the two sides in his hands and wrenched them open. The wolf was howling at him to take him right there, but Remus would not let it.
He dropped to his knees and yanked Regulus’s trousers down off his narrow hips, mouthing at the spot where his cock was straining against his pants. With eager hands, Remus pulled it out and licked up the front of the shaft.
“Oh Gods,” Regulus breathed. “Stop. Please stop. I – I won’t last. I’m so close already. I need you inside me. I need it like I need to breathe. Please, Remus.”
Remus looked up at him from where he knelt between his legs. Reguluss’ normally perfect hair was a mess and his expression was open. Gone were the blank eyes and the stiff back. He looked vulnerable in a way that Remus had never seen before. Remus felt the shiver of a thrill work its way down his back. He was possibly the only person who had ever seen Regulus like this, undone and wanting, just for him.
He stood up and pulled the younger man into a kiss. Regulus accepted the intrusions into his body with enthusiasm, swirling his tongue against Remus’s. Remus picked him up. Regulus responded with a lewd sigh, letting his trousers fall the rest of the way off his legs, before he wrapped them around Remus’s waist.
Remus carried him into the bedroom and dropped him on the bed.
“Strip,” he ordered as he pulled off his own trousers and pants.
Regulus didn’t move, his eyes roving up and down Remus’s body as he stalked back towards the bed.
“If you don’t move now, I’m simply going to banish them.”
Regulus seemed to shake himself out of his stupor and awkwardly pushed his pants off until he lay there fully nude, his pale pink cock, hard and jerking with every movement. He looked nervous, his hands trembling as he pushed himself further up the bed with his feet. Intellectually, Remus had always recognised that Regulus was beautiful. In the sort of way that you could look at a model and appreciate them without ever thinking you would have a chance.
He almost couldn’t believe that this was really happening.
With a flick of his wand, he accioed the lubricant from out of his bedside table and threw his wand on the bed, before crawling in-between Regulus’s legs. Regulus blushed furiously and tried to close his knees, but Remus patiently placed a hand on each kneecap and looked down at him.
“I’m going to need access to this bit to give you what you want.”
Regulus covered his face with his hands. “I know. I do. I just. Give me a minute.”
He took several deep breaths, and Remus watched his chest rise and fall, marvelling at the delicate pink of his nipples. Remus almost reached out to touch them when his knees slowly spread until they were nestled on either side of Remus’s legs. Remus leaned forward and grasped Regulus’s wrist, pulling until his hands came away from his face. When Remus kissed him once more, the tension melted out of him.
They were rubbing against each other, skin to skin as Remus licked up inside his mouth. Regulus groaned; a soft sound that turned Remus’s insides into mush. He kissed along the delicate lines of Regulus’s face before burying his own into his neck. His hand worked down the length of Regulus’s body until he could hold his hard length in his fist.
Regulus shuddered and his hips jerked up involuntarily into Remus’s hands.
“Why does it feel so good?” he panted as Remus sucked at his neck. “Is it because it’s you?”
Remus chuckled. “As opposed to who?”
He was met with silence. When he looked up,Regulus was looking away and his throat bobbed madly.
“The girls.”
He said it softly to the wall, his body tense and his breath coming out in short pants.
Ah. Remus was very familiar with that feeling. The way their hands were nice but ultimately just hands. He had told himself for years that, that was what sex was supposed to feel like. Nice. Not groundbreaking but just nice.
Nothing like the first time he had kissed another man. The way his breath caught, and his heart pounded. How hard he had been from the first brush of his fingertips. It was at that point that he realised how it was supposed to be. Girls just didn’t do a thing for him.
Remus didn’t want to destroy whatever delusions Regulus was living under. He was just happy that Regulus felt safe enough to be doing this here with him.
He gently tipped Regulus’s face back towards him. “I can’t tell you how to feel Regulus. I feel amazing.” He jerked his hips forward so that the long length of his cock rubbed against Regulus’s thigh. Regulus dragged in a shuddering breath. “How do you feel?”
“Good.” His breath hitched as Remus rubbed against him once more. “It feels so good.”
Remus kissed him once more and shivered at the sweet moan of enjoyment that Regulus made. If he had known that this was what was waiting for him on the other side of that stiff posture and dead eyes, he may have pushed a little more. Sirius had always made the situation with Regulus feel so hopeless. Remus wondered what he would say if he knew the truth.
With care, Remus slowly kissed his way down Regulus’s body. He had such pale skin that Remus could see the veins in places, as he worked his way down. When he took Regulus’s left nipple between his teeth, he arched his back beautifully underneath him. When he nipped at his hip bone, his hands fisted the sheets. When he finally took his cock into his mouth, Regulus let out a broken whimper as his hips jerked upwards.
“Please,” he begged, “I’m not going to last.”
Remus slipped his mouth off and popped the cap of the lubricant, before spreading it all over Regulus’s pink hole. “I need to stretch you pretty one. Trust me.”
Regulus gasped as Remus pushed his index finger slowly into Regulus’s entrance. He whined and jerked as Remus pushed further and further inside. The pressure around Remus’s finger was intense. Regulus was tight and taut, and there was no way Remus was going to have a chance of stretching him unless he calmed down.
“Oh Gods,” Regulus panted. “Your – your finger. It’s inside me.”
He then made a sound of such hedonistic pleasure that Remus had to lean his head down on Regulus’s hip bone for a moment.
“That’s all that is going to be inside you unless you relax,” Remus scolded.
He leaned forward and took Regulus’s cock in his mouth again. His hole clenched tightly before releasing as his entire body tried to curl upwards. Remus placed the hand that was not currently imbedded inside him on his hip and pushed him firmly back down.
“Remus.”
Remus closed his eyes as a nonsensical stream of babble erupted from Regulus’s lips. This was so dangerous. Perhaps it was simply that his other partners had been far more experienced than himself, but Regulus’s particular kind of sweetness was incredibly endearing. Even the way he screamed out Remus’s name was enough to make him melt inside. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to find himself getting way more worked up then he should, and then they’d never get to where Regulus wanted them to.
He slowly moved his mouth over Regulus’s cock as he moved his finger slowly in and out. Regulus gasped for air as he quivered underneath Remus’s hands. Remus desperately tried to think of something other than the writhing and moaning man underneath him, but it was steadfastly chipping away at his reserve.
Probably sooner than he should have, he inserted another finger and increased the pace that he was moving his mouth. Regulus’s hips fought against his hold as he tried to thrust up into his mouth.
“How are you so strong?” he whimpered. “I don’t – Remus – I – I can’t –”
“Can’t what?” Remus murmured into the hair at the base of his cock.
“I can’t hold it. I can’t. I’m going to cum.”
“Give it to me,” Remus growled.
“What!?” Regulus cried out as Remus scissored his fingers apart.
“Cum for me.”
“No!” Regulus objected as his fists curled and uncurled in the sheets. “I – I want you to – to –”
“If you cum now, I promise you that it will not be the last time this evening.”
That was enough to send Regulus over the edge. He screamed Remus’s name as his hot cum spurted down Remus’s throat. Remus took it all. He gently sucked as Regulus jerked through his orgasm. When he was done, Regulus went completely limp.
Remus gave him one last lick before sitting up and lifting one of Regulus’s legs over his shoulder. Regulus looked up at him with his eyes heavy lidded and his lips parted. He was the most beautiful thing Remus had ever seen. Certainly the most stunning to have ever graced Remus’s bed.
With a kissed pressed against Regulus’s ankle Remus inserted his third finger. Regulus was calm and loose, and it slid in far easier than the other two. He moaned softly and stretched his body over Remus’s cotton sheets. Fuck. This man was going to break him. He was going to fall hopelessly in love with this piece of forbidden fruit and he would never be able to have it again.
He should stop all this right now. He should withdraw and go back to fucking muggles or strangers that he didn’t care if he never saw them again. He should have walked away the moment he saw him at the bar. A pang of dread echoed in Remus’s stomach. He wanted to have him so badly.
Remus chuckled to himself. He had never been good at doing what he should.
He curved his fingers up inside Regulus as he searched for that special place – ah there. Regulus arched his back gracefully as Remus pressed against his prostate. His perfect mouth stretched into an “o” as his eyes closed in pleasure. His cock twitched and jumped at the feeling.
“What – Oh Gods – What was that?”
Remus simply smiled down at him and nudged it again. He cried out an unintelligible stream of ecstasy as Remus watched his cock twitch again.
He pulled his fingers out and climbed up the bed until they were lying side by side. Regulus looked at him furtively, his eyes darting everywhere. Remus pulled Regulus’s leg up over his hip and buried his fingers back inside him. Regulus fell into him with a cry and Remus took that moment to kiss whatever skin he could get his hands on. Shoulder, Neck, cheek or ear. He didn’t care.
Regulus responded by kissing him passionately. Freed of Remus’s heavy hold, he was rocking his hips into Remus as his hands began to explore Remus’s body. It wasn’t long before those long and elegant fingers had wrapped themselves around his cock.
“I didn’t expect it to be so big,” he said in a tremulous voice.
Remus laughed, “I don’t know whether to be offended or flattered.”
Suddenly Regulus pressed his lips to Remus’s and Remus forgot all the thoughts that were in his head. Regulus had his tongue buried in the back of Remus’s throat as his hand worked over Remus’s cock, making him almost see stars.
“Stop,” he choked out.
Regulus froze. His eyes grew wide and unsure.
“If you don’t, I’m going to get too carried away, and then we’ll have no choice but to have you fuck me,” Remus joked.
Regulus spluttered in embarrassment even as Remus pushed him back so that he could lay on top of him. He wasn’t sure if he’d stretched him enough, but he couldn’t wait any longer. His cock was aching with need and every second spent with Regulus pushed him closer to bursting.
He nudged his cock against Regulus’s hole and looked him in the eyes. “Are you sure this is what you want? I don’t know how long I’ll be able to –”
“Yes,” Regulus interrupted. “I want it. I want you. Fuck. I need it more than I can breathe. Please.”
Remus didn’t wait any longer. He lined himself up and pushed inside. Regulus gaped and babbled as his hands traversed the entire plain of Remus’s back.
“Oh Gods.”
“Relax,” Remus urged as he leaned in to kiss him.
Regulus was rabid. His hands entwined into Remus’s hair with an iron grip as he kissed him furiously. Remus tried to hold on as he continued to enter as slowly as he could. When he finally settled to the hilt, Regulus’s hands moved down to Remus’s arse and tried to push him in further.
“More,” he pleaded. “I want more.”
“Fuck,” Remus cursed as he tried not to move. It was a very difficult task considering Regulus was writhing underneath him. “Isn’t this your first time?”
Regulus leaned into Remus’s ear and whispered seductively. “My first time with something that is not made of rubber.”
Remus’s mind filled with images of Regulus hiding in his bathroom moaning whilst he masturbated with a toy in his arse.
“You kinky little fucker,” he hissed as he grabbed onto Regulus’s hips and began thrusting hard.
“Yes!” Regulus cried out as his head snapped back under Remus’s ministrations.
Remus lost his head. All he could think about were Regulus’s soft sounds of pleasure and the way he felt hot and tight around him. Regulus’s legs wrapped around him as they moved together, and his hand moved up to fist tightly in Remus’s hair. He loved how responsive Regulus was to everything he did.
When he caressed his skin, Regulus shivered. When he licked up the long line of Regulus’s neck, he sighed. When he grabbed onto his hips and pushed hard, Regulus went wild. He scrabbled at his skin and pulled until there was nothing separating them but sweat. He bit into the skin of Remus’s neck so hard that Remus was sure there would be a mark there for weeks.
It was starting to get to the point where Remus didn’t know how much longer he could hold on. It was all too much. He hadn’t had a particularly long dry spell, but he had never been with someone as sexually compatible as this before. It was highly possible that he’d be chasing this high forever.
He reached down between them to try and help Regulus along, but Regulus put a hand on Remus’s wrist.
“Don’t,” he panted. “I don’t need it. I’m close.”
“I can’t hold on any longer,” Remus pleaded.
He took hold of Remus’s face. “Then shut up and fuck me!”
Remus let his head fall onto Regulus’s shoulder and pushed as hard as he could. It didn’t take long. Regulus screamed as he came for the second time, the space between their bodies coated with white as he shuddered.
Remus couldn't wait. He came straight after, curling his toes as his legs spasmed with the strength of his orgasm. It echoed through his body in wave after wave and he could do nothing but slump against him.
Regulus’s chest rose and fell with his laboured breathing and Remus watched him with fascination.
He was staring wide eyed up at the ceiling.
“That was amazing,” he sighed.
Remus chuckled into his ear and pressed a kiss into the space behind his lobe. They lay like that until their breathing evened and their skin began to cool. After he pulled out, Remus reached for his wand where it lay discarded on the end of the bed, and banished the liquid coating both their chests.
Regulus turned to look at him, his grey eyes wide and searching.
Suddenly feeling awkward, Remus scratched at the top of his head. He had just experienced one of the best highs he’d had in years, but this wasn’t some stranger. This was one of his best friend’s brothers and a man so deeply mired in tradition and good behaviour that he could never expect anything more.
He’d known about Regulus Black since he was eleven years old. In that first year, Sirius had talked about him constantly. He had been so worried about how Regulus was coping without him that he had compensated by telling his newly minted friends every detail.
It wasn’t until he was twelve that he had come face to face with the real deal. Regulus Black had, even then, been a sullen and stand-offish boy. Sirius had been offended. He’d thought that his brother would always follow his lead in everything. He hadn’t seen the small flashes of fear in the younger boy’s eyes before he shut down completely.
Sirius had stormed off and the rest of the marauders had followed.
Their relationship had deteriorated after that. Regulus became even more insular as Sirius became outgoing. He was like a cat. Prone to lash out if people were too loud or pushy. The only time he seemed at peace was when he was flying. Even back then Remus thought it must be a lonely existence.
Now, Remus felt like he might finally be seeing the person underneath all that, and it was addictive.
He lay back down gingerly as Regulus’s eyes still roved over him.
“How long have you known?” Remus asked quietly in order to break the silence.
Regulus’s eyes narrowed. “Does it matter?”
Remus sighed. “No. I suppose it doesn’t.”
“You can’t tell anyone.”
He’d been expecting it. There was no way that Regulus Black, heir to the ancient and most noble House of Black, was going to let this get out. Even though Remus had already assured him of his silence, the paranoia must be extreme. It was understandable really. Sirius used to be the same way before they broke him to pieces and he never looked back.
“I won’t.”
Regulus stiffened. “I’m serious. I’ll obliviate you if I have to.”
That hurt. Remus huffed out a breath and closed his eyes. “You can if you want to, but I assure you I won’t.”
“Not even Sirius.”
Remus thought about the last time he’d seen Sirius run into his family. All the screams and the furious threats. James held Sirius back by his shoulders as he cursed at their receding backs until he was red in the face. When he finally calmed down, the worst look of betrayal was always left for Regulus because somewhere deep inside, Sirius still loved him.
“No. Not Sirius,” Remus agreed. “I wouldn’t do that to him.”
Regulus’s expression grew dark and he snapped. “What does that mean?”
Remus only treated him to a tired look. “It would hurt him. Let him hope for something that will never be.”
Regulus’s face cleared and he turned to look back at the ceiling. Fuck but he was glorious. He was naked as the day he was born and lying there so gracefully that he could be a Grecian sculpture. Even now, spent as he was, Remus yearned to reach out and splay his fingers across his chest.
“You’re right,” Regulus said quietly.
After a long, aching period of silence, where Remus had begun to work up the courage to ask, if he might consider staying, Regulus rolled out of the bed. He groaned and wobbled as he stood. Remus scrambled out of the bed to place a steadying hand on his arms.
Regulus looked up for a moment before his eyes drifted down to Remus’s lips. His mouth parted and for a moment he leaned in. Remus thought that he might have a chance. Maybe Regulus would stay and he could pretend that this all wasn’t just temporary.
Regulus closed his eyes and turned away. He slowly went about the room, picking up his clothes piece by piece, pulling on his trousers, and repairing his shirt. Once he finally tucked his cravat back into place, he turned to Remus. His eyes wandered slowly down before he shook his head and met Remus’s eyes.
“Thank you,” he said simply.
“Regulus, I –”
“Don’t,” he cut Remus off. “I can’t stay. Don’t ask me to stay.”
Remus bit his lip. “Okay.”
With a sad look, Regulus turned and walked out the door. His whispered goodbye slowly faded in the quiet of the room. Remus drew in a shaky breath and went back to bed. The sheets still smelled like him. Remus curled in on himself and tried not to let the tears overflow.
He knew this was going to hurt. He knew it. His chest caved in with the ache of it. With the knowledge that he might never find anything that perfect ever again. He struggled to breathe.
No.
He could do this.
If he could survive the pain of his bones shifting and reforming under his skin, then he could survive the loss of whatever part of his soul Regulus had taken with him.