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The first time it happens, Jess can almost convince himself he just made it all up.
He wakes up in a bed much nicer, much more comfortable than his bed, in a room that also gets a lot more sunlight than he lets his room get in his apartment. The next thing he notices is the weight resting behind his back, and spilling on top of him.
He groans and shifts, and the weight shifts behind him too.
“Mm. You’re up,” a voice he doesn’t recognize murmurs.
He feels the warmth of breath on the back of his neck, and something he thinks is definitely someone’s lips following it.
Jess freezes. “What the fuck?” he says, but then he blinks and he’s right back in his bed at his apartment, and the other place is gone.
He sits up, massaging the sides of his temples to center himself. It’s not that he hasn’t heard of this sort of thing happening—it happens to nearly everyone. You get to a point in your life when you’re getting close to connecting with your soulmate, and you start switching places with your future self, into your future self’s body, when you’re with your soulmate, to help you know who you’re looking for. Some people switch more than others, and it’s always for different periods of time, person to person.
The problem is, Jess really didn’t think it would ever happen to him. Because he honestly didn’t think he actually had a soulmate.
He’s never felt remotely attracted to someone like That, so he figured it just wasn’t for him, and that was fine. Honestly, he was content with that. Which is why this brief episode spent in future him’s body is freaking him out so much.
__________
The second time Jess switches, it’s for longer. And he can’t even pretend to himself that it’s some kind of messed up dream.
He wakes up in that same room, but with no weight behind him this time. Carefully, he sits up and walks across the room towards the mirror on the wall. If there was any doubt in his mind before, it’s gone. This is definitely his future self.
His hair is a little longer than he keeps it now, and there’s a little more scruff on his face, but he knows it’s still him. Which means what he thought impossible has in fact happened. He’s had a switch.
Taking advantage of being alone, he seizes the opportunity to poke around his future bedroom. It’s really nice, which means either the book he’s working on takes off, or whoever that guy he woke up next to is has a good job, or maybe both.
He checks the drawer of the nightstand by his side of the bed and finds his wallet, a stack of books, and a note addressed to Past Jess. At least his future self remembered how disorienting this is.
He unfolds the paper and reads it.
Past Jess, I know this is weird. Try not to freak out (you will). Explain the situation to Logan, and he’ll talk you through it. He’s pretty good like that. This is going to be a little overwhelming, but you’re going to be okay.
--Future You
Not super informative, because Jess is not exactly in a state to be calmed down right now, but the note did give him one piece of helpful information—a name. Apparently, the guy from the other day is Logan. And if he can trust his future self, which he thinks he can, then Logan should be able to help him figure this out.
He puts the note back in the drawer, and wanders out of the room and into the fused kitchen and living room. He’s not much of a cook, so instead of examining the kitchen, he walks instead to the window to try to figure out where they are. It’s not a hard wager to make, considering Big Ben is a central part of the view.
A key clicks in the lock, and Jess’s body tenses with fight-or-flight.
A blonde guy who Jess can only assume is Logan walks in with two cups of coffee, setting them on the counter and beaming. “Jess, my love, my life, you’re awake!”
“I’m—”
Jess doesn’t even get the chance to say the rest of the sentence because Logan is scooping him up, putting him on the windowsill and kissing him. He’s all sweaty, like he’s been working out, and also he’s kissing him, so Jess starts pushing Logan off of him.
“Gross, gross. Stop. Gross. Ugh.”
Logan frowns at him, confused, and then seems to realize that Jess is not whoever he is in the future.
“Oh. Hello! Believe it or not, I’m actually prepared for this.”
Jess stays on the windowsill, nervously pulling his knees to his chest. Logan smiles and retrieves the coffees from the counter, along with a stool that he sits on, in front of Jess.
“Hi. I’m Logan.”
“I know,” Jess says.
Logan tips his head at him. “We’ve met?”
“No, we haven’t, I just… I left myself a note in the nightstand, and—”
“Ah, of course,” Logan says, grinning. “I told you you didn’t have to do that, but you insisted.”
“What the hell is going on?” Jess asks.
“Right to the point, huh?” Logan remarks. “Um, let’s see. I’ll give you the main points. We’re married—have been for two years—right now we’re living in London for my job, but you’re writing another book and I already know it’s going to be amazing, because they’re always amazing.”
Jess stares at him. “You mean… I got published?”
Logan smiles. “You did. A couple times… Want to see them?”
Jess just nods, wordlessly. Logan stands up, and offers his hand. “Come on.”
Jess uses the hand to get off the windowsill, but as soon as he’s standing, he tucks it in the pocket of the pajama pants he’s wearing. Logan takes it in stride.
He shows Jess to the bookcase, and pulls two books off the shelf. “These are yours.”
Jess turns them over in his hands. “Holy shit,” he breathes.
Logan laughs, one of his hands coming to rest on Jess’s shoulder, as he looks over his shoulder. “Yeah, it’s pretty great.”
There it is. Jess Mariano. Right there on the spine. He sets the unfamiliar book of the two back on the shelf and flips open the cover of the one he’s been working on. The Subsect. He recognizes the first page from all the times he’s read over it, over and over, trying to find the imperfections.
He shakes his head in disbelief. “This is so—”
“Crazy,” he finishes, but he’s back in his apartment now, his computer open to his current draft, cursor at the end of a paragraph that had been giving him trouble lately. It’s been rewritten beautifully. Jess smiles to himself. Looks like future him has been helping him out.
__________
The next time Jess switches into his future self’s life, he’s back on the bed, but this time, Logan is on top of him, shirtless, and trying once again to make out with him.
Jess pushes him again, and Logan falls backwards onto the bed, laughing like he thinks this is part of the game. Jess jerks and tries to roll off the bed, almost slamming his head on the nightstand in the process.
He gets to the ground and Logan peers over the side of the bed, sees Jess’s wide eyes, and climbs down to squat in front of Jess. “Hey, you’re back. Take a moment, you’re okay.”
Jess presses his hands to his forehead. “Can you please put on a shirt?”
Logan grins. “Sure.”
Jess stays on the floor, trying to clear his head. Eventually Logan returns, thankfully clothed this time, and sits down beside him. “You wanna talk or just…?”
“I want another second to process,” Jess says.
“Alright. No problem.”
Jess keeps his eyes on the wall. “So what were we doing when I switched in?” he asks. “Do I want to know?”
“Evening routine,” Logan replies.
Jess sighs. “Awesome.”
“I mean, yeah, I think so.”
Jess rolls his eyes, and Logan laughs.
“So, other than this, how’ve you been?” Logan asks.
“Jesus Christ,” Jess mutters.
“I’m just trying to make a little conversation!” Logan says defensively. “This doesn’t have to be awkward.”
“Little late for that,” Jess replies.
“God, I love it when you’re mean to me.”
Jess covers his ears. “Shut the fuck up, oh my god.”
“I’m sorry!”
Jess doesn’t switch back for another two hours. He and Logan spend the time eventually getting back onto the bed (a good, comfortable distance apart for Jess) and watching TV in silence.
“Book going good?” Logan asks at one point.
“Yeah,” Jess replies. “I’m working on sending it to publishers.”
Logan nods. “That’s great.”
“Is, uh…” Jess frowns. “My next book working out okay?”
“Definitely,” Logan says. “You’re brilliant.”
“That’s nice.”
“You want like… something to eat? Or…”
“No, I’m okay.”
“Yeah, okay. That’s cool.”
Jess pulls his knees to his chest and sighs. “Sorry your husband isn’t back yet.”
Logan shakes his head. “No, it’s okay.” He grins, poking Jess on the shoulder. “He’s still in there somewhere, technically.”
“Right.”
__________
The next time Jess switches is while he’s eating leftovers at the countertop in his apartment. He accidentally knocks his napkin off of the counter, bends to pick it up, and when he sits up again, he’s holding a nice cloth napkin instead, and staring at Logan across from him, who’s clearly in the middle of animatedly telling a story.
He pauses mid-sentence and smiles. “Ah. Welcome back.”
“How do you always know when I switch in?” Jess asks.
“You get this crazy deer-in-the-headlights look,” Logan replies. “Pretty easy to figure it out.”
“Oh.”
“Hey, happy anniversary,” Logan says.
“It’s our anniversary?” Jess asks.
“Three years,” Logan replies.
Jess frowns. “Sorry for switching in on the day you should probably be spending with your husband.”
“Not your fault,” Logan says. “Plus, you already warned me this one would happen.”
“I did?”
Logan nods. “Yeah, after we got married you sat me down and told me all of the situations you remember switching into, so I’d be ready.”
“Oh,” Jess says. “Sounds like a pretty good plan.”
Logan grins. “Yeah, you said you wanted to tell me so that when it happened, I’d be on my best behavior. Which is bullshit, because I’m always on my best behavior.”
“Uh, no,” Jess shoots back. “Literally every time I’ve switched in before this time, the first thing you did was try to make out with me.”
“Okay that is not my fault. I didn’t know you were past you yet those times.”
“Still.” Jess wrinkles his nose. “Considering I marry you, I’m considering it within my rights to slut shame you too.”
Logan laughs. “You’ve really never changed, have you?”
“Please keep it in your pants until I’m gone again.”
Logan takes a sip of wine, still grinning. “I’ll do my best.”
“Logan.”
“I’m kidding!”
They spend the next half an hour or so more or less catching up. Logan fills him in on what’s going on in their lives, and Jess passes along vague updates of his own about his book getting published, and his new job at the publishing house that picked it up.
“How many switches do I have left?” he asks during a lull in the conversation. “Since I told you how many I had.”
“Just one,” Logan replies. “Don’t worry. You’re almost done.”
“Thank god. I feel like I’ve had so many and they’ve all been so long.”
“Yeah, and it’s so not fair,” Logan says. “I only switched like three times, and we barely got to talk. It sucked.”
“I think it turned out fine,” Jess replies.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Logan agrees, grinning. “I’d say it turned out better than fine.”
__________
Logan wakes up curled around someone who is definitely, definitely not Rory. He knows he wouldn’t intentionally cheat, and he definitely didn’t get so drunk last night that he could’ve somehow ended up in bed with the wrong person by accident, so that can only mean one thing. It means this is the moment he’s been waiting for.
He opens his eyes and finds that his face is just behind the head of someone with dark hair, who is definitely a guy, Logan realizes. This is new information. Not necessarily unexpected or unwelcome, but new.
“Oh my god,” he says, his breath moving the hair of the guy he’s with as he says it. “It’s happening!”
The guy groans. “Jesus Christ,” he says, sounding exhausted. “Not today.” He moves to roll over, but before he can face Logan, Logan is suddenly back in bed with Rory, and the switch he’s been waiting for since probably the age of fourteen is over.
He sighs and rolls to face the other side of the bed, trying not to be too disappointed. It happened once, right? And it wasn’t even that helpful of a switch, so surely that means it’ll happen again soon. Right?
__________
The stop Jess didn’t necessarily plan to make on his informal book tour (begging stores to put his book on their shelves and trying not to lose too much dignity while doing it) is a welcome one. He’d been meaning to see what Rory’s been up to, off at Yale now (though, as he’s found out, that is apparently no longer the case), and everything, and his stint in Hartford is the perfect time for them to catch up. They’re meeting up for dinner, which is nice. Jess doesn’t talk to a lot of people from high school, really outside of Lane and Dave. Shane too, occasionally, but that’s about it.
He tosses a couple of rocks at the window he’s figured out is Rory’s, and jumps when the front door opens.
It’s just Rory. “What are you doing?”
“I didn’t know if it was okay to ring or not,” Jess says.
“She’s not here,” Rory promises, knowing exactly whose blistering stare Jess is most afraid of being on the receiving end of.
“She’s not?”
“She’s playing bridge tonight.”
“Oh,” Jess says. “Good. I parked on the street so she wouldn’t see.”
“You’re very good at covert ops,” Rory says.
“Years of practice,” Jess agrees, wholeheartedly. “So, where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Rory replies. “I don’t know the area that well.”
Jess gives her a look. “You live here.”
“I know,” Rory says. “But Hartford’s still a mystery. Even when I went to Chilton, I got right on the bus and headed home, so I don’t even have any old high school hangouts to revisit. And these days, I’ve just been eating here.”
“Well, I just prefer not going someplace that has food in the title,” Jess says.
“Meaning…?”
“Olive, chili, soup,” Jess lists. “No gardens, no plantations.”
“Got it,” Rory says. “Something funkier.”
“Steer me to the college district. I’ll find us something funky.”
Rory smiles. “Sounds good.”
Just as they’re about to head to Jess’s car, a set of headlights beam at them, as a Porsche pulls into the driveway. Jess’s immediate fear is the return of Emily Gilmore, but behind the wheel is a face that’s almost worse to see at this moment.
It’s Logan. Years younger, but definitely him.
Jess looks to Rory, hoping for an explanation. Rory, apparently, knows him too.
“Logan!” she says.
“Am I interrupting something?” Logan asks, and chooses to stay silent because he has no idea what to fucking say anyway, and Rory answers before he can think of anything.
“No. Hey, when did you get back?”
“Couple hours ago,” Logan replies.
Jess intentionally looks away from him, looking at his stupid expensive car instead. It’s not shocking to see, considering the state of their London apartment and everything. But since when is Rory hanging around with the type of guy that owns cars like this? Back when it was them, Lane, and Dave in the happy hell of Stars Hollow, they’d spend hours talking shit about the assholes that drove this kind of car who came to stay at Rory’s mom’s inn.
Is this what she’s been doing since she entered her grandparents’ world like this? Since she dropped out of Yale, leaving behind the very dream she would never shut up about when they were just kids talking about the future, and she already had it way more figured out than Jess had, back then?
“Oh,” Rory says. “I— I thought you were getting back tomorrow.”
“Thought I’d surprise you, Ace,” Logan says coolly, also avoiding looking at Jess.
Does he know? Jess can’t tell. The Logan he’s met during his switches has been very different around him. Jess figures if he knew, he’d probably at least show it, right?
“Well, I’m glad you did, ‘cause you get to meet my old friend, Jess,” Rory says, trying, of course, to smooth what’s already become awkward tension between the three of them. She turns to Jess. “This is Logan, my boyfriend,” she says, and hearing that makes Jess want to die right there on the spot, because this is actually so much worse. “Logan, this is Jess. He’s in from out of town.”
Neither Jess nor Logan says a word. Jess just shifts his weight awkwardly. When Rory catches his eye, he gives her a tight smile, but he knows it doesn’t come across genuine.
What the hell is he supposed to do? If Logan doesn’t know him, Jess can’t exactly go declaring who he is and what they are right here and now. Logan and Rory are dating. This is already bad enough as it is, the weird tension in the air. He doesn’t want to turn this into a bigger mess.
“Wow,” Rory says, still trying to fill the silence. “That sounded so grown-up. We’re at the age now where we say things like, ‘in from out of town’ and ‘old friend’… ‘Cause when you’re young, all your friends are new, and you have to get old to have old friend…”
She laughs uncomfortably, and then at last, Logan makes the first move, reaching out to shake Jess’s hand. “How’re you doing?”
“Okay,” Jess replies, studying Logan’s face carefully, looking for any indication he recognizes him. He sees none.
Rory turns to Logan. “We were just gonna go grab a bite to eat.”
“Great. How about we all go together, is that okay?” Logan asks.
“Okay by me,” Jess says, because it’s not really his place to tell Rory she can’t eat dinner with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend, who he’s apparently supposed to marry someday. Jesus fucking Christ. There couldn’t be much worse circumstances for this to have happened in.
“Alright, good,” Rory says. She smiles at Logan. “We were actually at a loss for where to go, so you actually saved us.”
“Call me Superman.” Logan puts his arm around Rory. “Why don’t you follow us?” he tells Jess.
“Sure, great,” Jess mutters.
He follows Logan and Rory to some pub that—and he hates that he immediately thinks this—is definitely the kind of place Logan would like.
Is he jealous of Logan and Rory? He doesn’t think so. After all, it’s not like he doesn’t know how it’s going to happen in the end. The main thing he’s feeling is confused, because Logan’s been sending him mixed signals all night, and Jess still can’t tell if he recognizes him or not.
“I live pretty close, I’d have had you over to check it out, but it’s a bit of a mess,” Logan tells him over their first round of drinks.
Another offer that’s too hard for Jess to read. Even the seating arrangement is confusing. Logan and Rory are on the same side of the booth, and it’s Logan who’s across from Jess. Not Rory. Jess can’t tell if Logan did this on purpose, and if he did, if it was because he knows or not.
“And you don’t serve food, so we would’ve been starving at your place,” Rory points out, and Jess has to remember they’re actually in the middle of a conversation, and he’s not just supposed to be sitting here reading into seating arrangements.
“I’ve got appetizers,” Logan insists. “Half-full bag of chips, just check the expiration date before you dive in.”
“I’m good with this place,” Jess interrupts, drawing Logan’s attention back to him.
“Little pointer, don’t come on folk night,” Logan says.
“Yeah, I’m not a big fan of folk music.”
“That’s something we have in common.”
More mixed signals.
“Great,” Jess mutters into his drink. Rory offers him an apologetic smile. If only she knew the half of it.
“Where’s a waitress,” Logan is saying. He spots one and flags her down. “Yo, yo! Right here. Uh… another McKellen’s neat, and, Jess, another brew?”
“I’m still working on this one,” Jess replies.
“Another one,” Logan says anyway. “Just in case.”
Jess frowns at him over the table.
“We should probably order,” Rory says. “It’s a big menu, so, if you need guidance…”
“I’m not hungry,” Jess says. Frankly, he lost his appetite the second Logan showed up. He has bigger problems now than eating dinner.
“You’re not hungry?” Logan repeats.
Jess sighs. “Nope.”
“I thought the whole point was you two were going to get something to eat.” Logan’s eyes don’t leave Jess, and Jess wishes he knew if that was supposed to signal something to him. He hates this shit. He’s never been good at picking up on that sort of stuff.
“And talk,” Rory reminds him.
“Well, yes,” Logan says, still looking at Jess even though it’s Rory who’s actually talking to him. “Given you’re gonna talk while you eat. You know, chef de cuisine will gladly make anything want if nothing there appeals.”
“The burgers are good here,” Rory informs Jess.
“Maybe a burger,” he says.
“Get one of those fancy ones too,” Logan says. “And it’s on me, so, don’t let the price stop you.”
He says it a little more like it’s meant to be an insult than a legitimate offer, though what the hell does Jess know anyway?
He just says, “I’ll pay for my own.”
Logan nods. “Good man.” He grins and looks down at the menu. “So, how long have you two known each other?”
“A while,” Jess replies.
“You date?” Logan asks.
“Yes, we used to date,” Rory says shortly.
Logan keeps his eyes on the menu and shakes his head. “Ah. No hemming, no hawing. Good course of action.” He returns his gaze to Jess, who is currently failing to suppress a glare. He wishes he could just shake him and ask him what the hell he’s doing, and if he even knows what he’s doing right now. “So, were you two high school sweethearts? Rock around the clock, two straws in a milkshake?”
“Logan,” Rory says.
“Hey, did we cheers?” Logan asks, cutting her off. “I don’t think we cheersed. That’s bad luck. Let’s cheers.”
“I think we did already,” Jess says. “Twice.”
“Well, let’s do it again,” Logan shoots back. “Cheers.”
Jess reluctantly touches his glass to Logan’s.
“So,” Logan says, taking a drink. “What do you do, Jess?”
“Oh, this and that,” Jess replies, keeping it vague, hoping to test him. See if he knows anything about them or not.
“Describe the ‘this.’ Describe the ‘that’,” Logan presses.
“He writes,” Rory supplies.
“You write?” Logan repeats. “Impressive. What do you write?”
“Nothing important,” Jess mutters.
“He wrote a book,” Rory says.
“Oh! You pen the great American novel, Jess?”
“Wasn’t quite that ambitious,” Jess replies.
“So, what’re we talking, here, short novel? Kafka length or longer?” Logan asks. “Dos Passos? Tolstoy? Or longer—Robert Musil? Proust? I’m not throwing you with these names, am I?”
Jess pretends not to care that at least Logan is well-read. The first thing tonight that’s been any indication the two of them could actually connect over anything in order to become whatever Jess saw them as in the future.
“You seem very obsessed with length,” he muses.
“I’m just trying to get a picture in my head, that’s all.”
“It’s a short novel,” Rory says, clearly sick of this conversation. Jess doesn’t really blame her.
“Any good?” Logan asks her, looking over at her instead of at Jess for maybe the first time since they sat down.
“I haven’t read it yet,” Rory replies.
“Yet?” Logan turns back to Jess. “At least you’re gonna have one reader. That’s something.”
“Yeah,” Jess says into his drink, thinking about when he switched, and Logan showed him his books on their bookshelf, boasting about how ‘amazing’ they were, and the time he called him ‘brilliant’ and he has to think that surely Logan doesn’t know. If Logan knew, surely he wouldn’t be being an asshole about Jess’s writing. Not if he really knew him.
And Logan’s not done yet. “You know, I should just write down all my random thoughts and stuff that happens to me, and conversations I have, and just… add a bunch of he said, she said’s, and get it published. You got a copy on you?”
“No.”
“You should send me a copy.”
“Sure, where do I send it?” Jess snarks. “The blond dick at Yale?”
“Whoa, whoa, we’re just trying to keep it friendly here, buddy,” Logan says, as Jess stands up to go. He’s done here.
“Get out of my way,” Jess mutters, shoving past him.
He hopes Logan doesn’t know, because if he knew, and he still decided to be an asshole like this, Jess would have to figure out a way to kick his future self’s ass for ever getting with him in the first place. Logan is insufferable. How the hell did he end up how Jess saw him in the switches?
At least he’s got one switch left—which is a sentiment he never thought he’d have. He can force future Logan to clear things up for him, and confront him about hiding the fact that he’s genuinely awful to be around, right now, anyway.
__________
Logan finally switches again at another, unexpected time. He’s sitting up in bed while Rory is up and about to head out for the day, and he’s called her over for a goodbye kiss.
While his lips are on hers, though, it changes and he can tell he’s suddenly kissing someone else.
Thrilled, he deepens the kiss, pulling the guy down on top of him. In case this switch is like the first one and vanishes after a couple of seconds, he wants to remember how it felt to kiss his soulmate.
“Jesus, Logan,” the guy says against his lips. His voice is almost a little bit familiar, and Logan can’t help but think that’s poetic. Like a part of his soul already knows him.
The guy pulls back to look at him and Logan beams. The guy narrows his eyes. “You are not my husband.”
He gets up off the bed and Logan pouts. “I will be!” he insists, scrambling to get onto his feet too.
“Yeah, but you aren’t yet,” the guy says, crossing his arms. “Sit back down. God, I forgot how annoying you were at twenty-two.”
Logan actually focuses on the guy’s face for the first time since getting here, and suddenly he realizes why exactly he’s so familiar. It’s not because his soul knows him, it’s because he does know him, back in the present.
He gasps. “Oh. Oh no.”
Jess. Rory’s high school ex-boyfriend. The one he was such a dick to when he met him a couple months ago.
He dramatically flops backwards on the bed. “I fucked up.”
“Congratulations on the basic self-awareness,” Jess mutters.
“I need to fix it. How do I fix it?” Logan asks. “I mean, obviously I do, because here we are, but what do I do?”
“I’m not gonna tell you that,” Jess says. “You’re just going to have to figure it out for yourself.”
“What the hell?”
Jess walks across the room to the mirror, and fixes his shirt, which Logan had fucked up while trying to make out with him earlier. “Of course you had to switch now. That’s just super,” he says under his breath.
“What, is this a bad time?” Logan asks.
“A very bad time,” Jess replies.
“How? How could there possibly be a bad time?” Logan asks. “This is supposed to be cool, and exciting! What are we doing right now that makes this a bad time?”
“We’re at a hotel, and we are about to go to dinner with my parents,” Jess says, crossing his arms. “But it looks like you just happened to contract food poisoning from lunch, because you will no longer be attending.”
“You’re benching me? What the hell? You can’t do that!”
“Oh, I absolutely can,” Jess says. “You’re not coming.”
“Jess.”
“This is not up for debate. I don’t care how cocky you are. You are not prepared to handle my parents.”
“So we aren’t even gonna, like, talk?” Logan asks.
“No, we’re not gonna talk,” Jess says. “I have to go.”
Logan pouts again. “I thought you loved me.”
“I love him,” Jess corrects. “You’re a twenty-two-year-old jackass that I don’t have time to deal with right now.”
“Are you always this mean to me?”
Jess shrugs. “You get used to it.”
Logan grins, despite it all. “That’s so awesome.”
Jess sighs and crosses the room again to retrieve his shoes, before sitting down on the opposite side of the bed that Logan is sitting on, to put them on. Logan just stares at him, still in awe that this is happening, and this is real.
Looking at Jess like this, in a new light, Logan sees all the reasons he was so immediately jealous when they met. He’s gorgeous. Like, sobeautiful. He’s cool, and confident, and okay, kind of mean, but Logan can’t help but kind of like it. Because Jess is just… He’s just… Wow.
Jess looks over at him, catching him staring. “What?”
Logan smiles. “You’re just so hot.”
Jess rolls his eyes and stands up. “I’m leaving.”
“I love you!” Logan calls after him.
“Don’t break anything!” Jess shouts back from the door.
Logan smiles again, sitting back on the bed, pulling what’s apparently future him’s phone out of his pocket. The screen lights up with a message from Jess, and Logan eagerly clicks it open, grateful for the Touch I.D. technology that lets him get into the phone at all.
Jess: when you get back just order some room service. I’ll be back as soon as I can but you know how they are. thanks a lot for the warning by the way
Clearly a message for his future self. He looks through his and Jess’s messages. They seem happy. Really happy.
Another message comes through.
Jess: and I love you
Logan smiles.
He clicks open the photos on his phone next, and starts scrolling through them. Most of them are pictures of Jess. Jess reading on the couch, Jess at a coffee place, Jess walking around a record store, Jess giving him a look like Logan should not be taking his picture so much.
He scrolls a little further and finds what he can only assume are wedding photos. He’s looking through them when he switches back, and suddenly he’s on the couch in his apartment again.
He sighs. He misses it already. He wants that life. That future. And he doesn’t want to wait for it any longer than he has to. He has to find Jess, and fix this.
__________
Jess switches into his future self for the final time when he’s just sitting on the couch, a laptop open in front of him. Logan’s got his arm resting comfortably around him, looking over Jess’s shoulder at the screen.
Jess must startle a little bit when he switches, because Logan looks over at him knowingly. “You swap?”
Jess nods.
Logan takes his arm away and scoots a good few feet from him on the couch automatically, which Jess appreciates. Future him was right, really. Logan has been pretty good about the switches, catching him up and making sure he’s not too uncomfortable, once he’s figured out Jess is the past version of himself. Maybe he’s got an alright soulmate after all. Well, at least the future version of him.
“Hey, I met you, by the way,” Jess says.
Logan grins. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. You’re a dick.”
Logan laughs. “I’ll grow out of it. I promise.”
“Soon?”
“How long has it been since you met me?” Logan asks.
“A couple months,” Jess replies.
Logan nods. “Yeah, soon. I’m probably in the middle of desperately trying to figure out how to find you and fix things.”
“Hm.”
“What, you’re not convinced? I promise it happens. I was there.”
Jess purses his lips. “I just have a question…”
“Shoot.”
“When we met, did you know?” Jess asks. “Because if you did, and you still decided to be an asshole, that’s really fucking shitty.”
“No, I didn’t know,” Logan promises. “And when I switched…” He shakes his head. “I realized I fucked up. Bad.”
Jess nods, at least a little satisfied that Logan felt guilty. “So, are you always that much of a dick to people you just meet, or…?”
“Back to bullying me I see,” Logan muses. “It’s okay, I deserve it. And no. I’m not usually that much of a dick. Just when a pretty, mean brunette shows up and makes me feel more jealous than I’ve ever been before for reasons I don’t even understand at the time.”
Jess wrinkles his nose. “Gross.”
“You married me.”
“Yeah… Why was that?”
Logan laughs.
They hang out a little while longer, as Jess waits the switch out. Maybe it’s the fact that he knows this is his last one and he’s riding the high of that relief, but it’s not entirely unpleasant. They do get along, when it comes down to it, and Jess does like hearing about what they’re doing in the future.
“Thanks for being… cool about all this,” Jess says after a little while. “I’m glad you’re not that much of an asshole anymore.”
Logan grins. “Thanks. I try.”
__________
Logan switches again, and this time, he finds himself in the middle of what feels like a very important meeting.
“You screw this up, Logan, and the boss man will have all of our heads,” a British guy is saying to him. “Now, I know you’re not going to, but I have to add a little pressure just in case.”
Logan swallows hard. “Uh-huh,” he says. “And, uh, how long again? Until the… thing?”
Another guy gives him a nervous look. “The pitch is in ten minutes,” he says. Apparently, he’s British too. “The reps will be in here any minute. Are you sure you’ve got this?”
“Of course I’ve got it,” Logan insists, waving his hand to brush off their concerns even though they’re—probably—valid ones. “Um… Let me just call Jess real quick.”
The first guy nods. “Pep talk. Good. He’ll do it better than us.”
Logan forces a smile, picks up his phone, the computer on the table in front of him, and bolts to a nearby conference room.
Jess picks up almost immediately. “You’re gonna be fine.”
Logan rubs his neck awkwardly, pacing around the conference room. “Thanks babe,” he says, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. “But, uh… One quick question… What’s my job?”
Jess is silent on the other end for so long that Logan worries he hung up on him. Finally, he speaks.
“You.”
“Wow, don’t sound so excited.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“This isn’t my fault!” Logan insists. “Now you have to help me, so I don’t totally blow this. It seems important.”
“Seems important?” Jess scoffs. “Yeah, this is probably the biggest pitch he’s ever had, so if you screw this up for him, I’ll find a way to go back to the past, and kick your ass.”
“Stop with the ‘he’ stuff. I’m still me,” Logan says. “Now can you please stop yelling at me and help?”
Jess sighs, frustrated. “Do you have the presentation up?”
“I can get it. One sec.” Logan opens the computer, and when it prompts for a pin, he tries his usual one—Honor’s birthday. It doesn’t work. He tries again. Another failure. He frowns. “Um… You wouldn’t happen to know the passcode to get into my computer, would you? I’m trying my normal one, and it isn’t working.”
“Yeah, that’s because you changed it a couple years ago. It’s our wedding anniversary. 0605.”
Logan smiles. “That’s so romantic.”
“Focus, Huntzberger.”
“Sorry.” He unlocks the computer, and the presentation is already pulled up. “Okay, I see the presentation.”
“I’m going to talk you through everything I can. Do not forget any of it, okay? This is a very—”
“It’s a big deal. I know. I get it. Just tell me what I need to know.”
Jess talks him through the pitch. Lucky for him, apparently future him has been going over it with Jess almost every night for a week. He’s still going to be winging most of it, but at least he has a vague idea of what he’s supposed to be doing. Maybe he’ll switch again mid pitch, and future him can take care of finishing up.
This might be the first and only time he’s actually been grateful to his father for bringing him up in an environment where making important business deals was understood to be expected of him in the future.
“Hey, thanks,” he tells Jess once Jess has gone over the main talking points a second time.
“I just don’t want you to screw this up for him.”
“You know,” Logan says. “I know this isn’t the best time to have this conversation, but if you want the switches to stop, you could at least give me a hint on how I can find you again so we can go ahead and get together, and I can stop pissing you off by showing up at bad times.”
He can somehow picture Jess’s expression on the other end of the line. “Fine.”
“Yes! Thank you. I don’t even know where to start looking.”
“If I remember right, you showed up at the publishing company I worked at.”
Good. This is good. This is perfect. “Okay, and the address?”
“I don’t remember. Truncheon Books. It’s in Philly.”
Close enough. Logan can work with that. “I’ll take it. Thanks, Jess. I promise I’ll try not to keep bothering you. You know… except in the present.”
“Hallelujah.”
The second British guy from earlier knocks on the window and gestures for Logan to get back in there. Logan nods, and waves in acknowledgment. “Listen, I gotta go,” he tells Jess. “Thanks for the help, I promise I’ll do my best to not fuck this up for me.”
“Good luck.”
“Thanks babe.”
He hears Jess sigh, probably rolling his eyes, and then he hangs up.
With a deep breath, Logan heads back into the biggest pitch of his life.
__________
Logan switches back out again about four slides into his presentation. Hopefully, not too late for future him to save the pitch. Not that he thought he was doing a bad job or anything.
Back in his apartment, Rory’s not around. Figures. She’s been avoiding him like crazy since she found out he slept around a little bit when they were separated after that fight the night he met Jess. He maintains that they were separated. It wasn’t cheating. But she’s still mad about it, as much as she claims she isn’t.
But it doesn’t matter. Because she can be as mad at him as she wants. Logan knows where to find Jess now. And he’s going to go get that perfect, happy future he saw for himself. He can’t wait any longer.
Wandering around the apartment, he freezes when he notices a book on Rory’s nightstand, that she must’ve left out.
The Subsect, the title reads. And just below it, Jess Mariano.
Logan has never picked up a book so fast. Suddenly, he can’t think of anything other than reading it. It’s a short novel, and contrary to popular belief, he likes to think he’s decently intelligent—his family’s money isn’t the only thing that got him into Yale. He’s pretty confident if he starts now, he can finish it before the end of the night.
Holding Jess’s book close to his chest, he goes back out to the living room, and curls up on the couch. He doesn’t get up once after that.
They’re Jess’s words. And they’re so good. Logan can’t get enough of them. It makes him feel that much more connected to him, even if they only met—the two of them as they are, neither caught in the awkward limbo of a switch—once, and it wasn’t exactly the best of meetings.
He blows through the entire book in one sitting. It’s perfect. The best book he’s ever read. But maybe he’s a little biased.
He flips to the acknowledgments at the back, to read who’s important to Jess because he wants to know him better. And the very last paragraph makes his heart stop.
And to Logan. I only sort of know you as I’m writing this, but what I’ve seen of us and where we end up makes me feel like it’s only right that I include you too. Thank you for your undying support, and your love, even if you haven’t had the chance to give it yet.
Logan could cry. He really could. Would Rory notice if he carefully tore this page out of the book and kept it for himself? Fuck it. He’s taking it. He removes the page from the binding, folds it nicely, and tucks it in his wallet. Jess may have gifted this particular copy of his book to Rory, but that page belongs to him. Just like the author.
Flipping back to the front of the book considering restarting it, his eyes fall on something that immediately catches his attention. The publishing house. Truncheon Books. And an address, just off some Locust Street in Philadelphia.
Logan gets up off the couch and finds a notepad in one of the drawers in the kitchen. He scrawls down the address, with the intention of driving there first thing in the morning. Three and a half hours or not, it doesn’t matter. He can just tell Rory it’s some Brigade business. It can all be explained later. He’s fixing this thing with Jess, and he’s fixing it tomorrow. He needs to see him. He’s worth it.
__________
“We need our own bar,” Matthew says, leaning against the chair at the desk they keep in the corner of the room.
“You say it like I’m fighting you,” Jess replies. “I’m not fighting you.”
“Same here,” Chris agrees.
“We need a public place where the next de Kooning can run into the next Franz Kline and diss the next Jackson Pollock while the next Charlie Parker shoots up in the corner,” Matthew continues, following Jess to the refreshment table that they have set up for the visitors to their open house.
“So, a nice family place,” Jess says, hitting him in the shoulder.
“I’m not kidding! We’ll call it… ‘Cedar Bar Redux’.”
“I would kick my own ass if we called it that,” Jess says.
“Why don’t we call it ‘Devoid of Original Ideas Poseur Bar’?” Chris suggests, and Jess laughs.
“Go to hell. Both of you,” Matthew says. He walks off, probably to mill around the guests.
“Hey, come back for a hug, man,” Jess calls after him.
“Hey, there’s Alicia Matheson from The Weekly,” Chris says, and Jess follows his gaze.
“Whoa. Grab Matthew. Get him off the bar thing. Have him show her around, that’s what he does best.”
“‘Cedar Bar Redux’,” Chris repeats, shaking his head and heading of in the direction Matthew went.
Jess looks over the refreshment spread again, making sure everything’s in order. They don’t do a lot of these open houses, which is why this one has to be almost perfect. They’ve got a bunch of new artwork up from local artists, and a poet’s coming in later to do a live reading. And if Alicia Matheson is here, maybe they’re even going to get a little bit of publicity, which would be nice. It could help get them off the ground a little more.
“Jess!” someone shouts. Well, no. Not just anyone. Jess would know that voice anywhere by now.
Heads have turned, and Jess already feels his face flushing, but there, weaving (pushing?) through the other people here to get to him is Logan Huntzberger.
Jess doesn’t even get to say anything before Logan’s cupping the sides of his face and kissing him hard, right here in the middle of the open house.
“Jess, I’m so sorry. You have to know I’m so sorry,” Logan says when he pulls back for air. “I was such a dick to you and I didn’t know, I promise. Not that it would’ve been right for me to be a dick to you either way, but I just… I fucked up. Please say you forgive me. I love you.”
“Take a breath,” Jess says, putting his hands on Logan’s shoulders. “I know you’re sorry. And I do forgive you. Don’t worry. I know you get better.”
Logan drops his head forward, touching his forehead to Jess’s. “Oh, thank god.”
Jess becomes cognizant of the looks they’re getting, and takes Logan’s hand, gently tugging him away from the commotion. “We should go talk somewhere that’s not… right here.”
“Right, sorry,” Logan says as Jess leads him over to the stairs in the corner of the room that lead up to the apartment a couple of the other guys live in. They sit down on the steps. “Are you having a thing?”
“Yeah, it’s an open house,” Jess replies.
Logan bites his lip. “Did I just ruin it?”
“No, I don’t think so,” Jess says. “Made it a little bit more exciting, probably, but I don’t think the whole thing’s going to shit just because you showed up.”
“Good, good.”
Logan takes Jess’s hand in his and lightly kisses it. They both sit there for a moment, looking at each other, not knowing for certain what to say. There’s so much to be said that it’s almost impossible to find somewhere to start.
“So, uh, you switch a lot?” Logan asks.
“Oh my god, so much,” Jess replies.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Five times, I think, and most of them were for, like, multiple hours.”
Logan gapes at him. “What? That’s so not fair. I only got, like, three switches, and they were all definitely less than an hour. So, you basically just got to hang out with future me a bunch?”
“Yeah, I mean, we’re friends I guess,” Jess replies. He’s not exactly sure what the best word to describe it should be.
“I’m so jealous,” Logan says, shaking his head. “I don’t think future you likes me very much. I’m pretty sure you just thought I was super immature.”
“I mean…”
“Asshole!” Logan says, shoving him lightly with the hand that’s not still holding Jess’s.
“Asshole?” Jess repeats. “This, coming from you?”
“I’m sorry,” Logan says again. “Jess, I will dedicate my life to making it up to you. I swear.”
Jess rolls his eyes. “Alright, calm down with the vows it’s not our wedding day yet.”
Logan grins. “No, it’s not. June fifth, by the way.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, it’s my passcode in the future. You had to give it to me when…” He trails off and gets a devilish look in his eye. “Actually, I’m not telling you. I think surprising you is funnier.”
“Fuck you,” Jess says. “Genuinely, fuck you.”
Logan laughs, and he leans forward and kisses him again, and Jess allows it, because if there’s something he’s learned about Logan in all of his switches, it’s that Logan loves to be affectionate, so Jess will just have to learn to let him.
“Hey, I read your book,” Logan tells him.
“You did?”
Logan nods. “Yeah, I saw it on Rory’s nightstand so I picked it up and read it. It’s so good, Jess. I shouldn’t have been a dick about it when we met. You are brilliant.”
Jess smiles. “You know, future you called me that too.”
“It’s because it’s the truth,” Logan insists. He smiles and takes something out of his pocket. His wallet. He opens it up and pulls out a folded piece of paper. “I especially liked this part.”
Jess looks at the page. Of course. The little paragraph he thought to include when writing out his acknowledgments, having had his first real switch, where Logan had shown him the copies of his two books in their bookcase.
“Yeah, I thought you might.”
“I almost cried, Jess,” Logan says. “I almost broke down sobbing on my apartment floor.”
“Are you always this dramatic?”
“Hate to break it to you, but you’re gonna have to get used to it.”
“Don’t I know it.” Jess stands up and offers Logan his hand again. “Want a tour?”
Logan beams. “I’d love one.”
Jess leads him around their little publishing house, showing him everything. Logan spends the whole time all but hanging off of him, constantly squeezing his shoulder, or kissing him on the cheek, or whispering to him how proud he is to have such a “Smart, successful lover.” Jess begs him to never use the word “lover” again.
When Matthew’s poet gets up to do his reading, Jess and Logan find themselves in an armchair a little way separated from the rest of the crowd. Logan pulls Jess onto his lap and kisses him.
“I love you, Jess Mariano,” he whispers.
“You barely even know me,” Jess whispers back.
“Doesn’t matter. I still love you, and I’m gonna keep loving you the rest of my life.”
Jess shakes his head, fighting to conceal a smile. “I love you too,” he says, almost surprising himself with how naturally it comes out. He’s never felt like he’s properly understood love before, but maybe he’s finally starting to, now.
Rory shows up shortly after the poet finishes reading. Jess genuinely forgot he’d sent her an invitation. Frankly, he didn’t really expect her to show up. It’s a little bit awkward, because having come looking for Jess, she finds him still in Logan’s lap, Logan’s tongue in his mouth, and, well, that’s an uncomfortable conversation no matter how necessary it was.
She seems mostly alright with it, if a bit shocked, and Jess doesn’t blame her for not sticking around long. After all, Jess attempts to give her a tour of the place, but considering Logan refuses to leave his side for even a second, it’s a little bit of an awkward tour too.
Rory and Logan more or less break up right in front of him (also because Logan refuses to leave his side) and that’s definitely awkward, but, again, probably needed to be done.
After the open house closes, Jess walks out with Logan. “Are you driving back tonight?”
“Depends,” Logan replies. “I mean, I packed my bags for a couple days just in case, but…”
Jess rolls his eyes. “Come on. I’ll take you to my place.”
They go back to Jess’s apartment, and spend the rest of the night staying up late and talking in Jess’s bed about everything and nothing. They talk about London, and their lives. Logan sleeps shirtless, which Jess obviously knew, and Jess spends majority of the night with his head on Logan’s chest, his finger drawing absentminded patterns on his skin while Logan plays with his hair and tells him about their wedding photos, and how he wants to start planning for June fifth, however many years in the future, as soon as possible.
He falls asleep to the sound of Logan’s voice and when he wakes up the next morning to Logan cooking him breakfast, he can’t help but think that maybe this is a life he can get used to after all.