Work Text:
As much as Ratchet would like it to be a quiet Saturday morning, it wasn’t.
It has certainly started out that way for the most part, but like every Saturday, that quickly came to an end with the arrival of a certain three human children to the Autobot base.
Ratchet sighed as he went about his work, trying to tune out the abundance of background noise Miko insisted was music. Despite most of the Autobots being either on patrol or elsewhere in the base, it proved difficult. How three children almost three times smaller than them (or, to be more specific, one particular child, given that the two boys had both left with their respective guardians to go for a drive ) could manage to be noisier than half a dozen beings quite literally made of metal, would always baffle him.
His only saving grace was, at least his current company was quiet. Ratchet glanced over to the other side of the workstation where one of the Autobots newest recruits was working.
This late into the war there wasn’t much Ratchet hadn’t seen, meaning there wasn't much that surprised him anymore. But when Teletraan-1 received a distress call, only for the team to arrive and find the Decepticon medic Knockout near tears and supporting a damaged Breakdown asking to surrender, it had shocked even him.
Well, maybe not as much as initially thought. Despite being amicable with the former decepticon, Ratchet wasn’t about to bring up his suspicions about Knockouts not quite enthusiastic participation in the Decepticon cause. His guess was the only reason he hadn’t jumped ship earlier was the unwillingness to leave his conjunx behind.
Ratchet huffed in frustration as the noise behind him increased. “Miko, if you insist on playing that ridiculous noise, can you at least keep it to a more manageable volume?”
“Hey! This isn’t ‘ridiculous noise’ ” Miko replied indignantly. “It’s Lady Gaga.”
“I don’t particularly care who it is, It’s loud”
Knockout looked up from his work with a smirk “Come now Ratchet, don’t you enjoy a bit of fun music here and there?”
Ratchet scoffed “Yes certainly, in the appropriate setting. Most of this seems to be more fitting for a party rather than an early morning.” All the same Ratchet was silently thankful for the change in genre today; Miko’s usual preference for music with its loud guitars, and no shortage of screaming, was even more irritating than the techno pop she had chosen today.
Knockout let out a laugh at the older doctor's response, before returning to his work. “Well, I myself have become rather fond of the various human music I’ve been able to listen to. On occasion I’ve even managed to attend some live shows and events and meet a handful of them. In holofrom of course” He added seeing the teen look at him curiously.
Miko tilted her head as she looked at the cherry coloured bot. “You know it’s kinda funny, your laugh sounds just like this one guy in one of this album's songs.”
Ratchet turned to the teen, eyebrow raised. “Quite the coincidence I’m sure, but I doubt it is as similar as you think.”
“No way! It totally sounds like KO!”
Further down the workbench Knockout put his datapad down. “Really? What song is that?”
Ratchet turned to look at the other doctor. “Really Knockout, you needn’t indulge her.”
Knockout waved his servo dismissively. “I’m simply curious Ratchet. After all, I do enjoy some of the entertainment humans think up. Such creative little creatures, even if they are a bit strange.”
“Hey, who you calling strange?” Miko shouted indignantly, although turned back to her music system to find the song featuring a supposed Knockout impersonator.
“Just a sec I’ll find it” The teen hummed as she scrolled through her mp3 player, before brightening as she found the object of her searching “AH! Here it is! It's called ‘Government Hooker.”
Ratchet turned to the teen arms crossed “Is a song named that really appropriate for someone your age?”
Miko groaned as the song's opening beats played “UGGGHHH Ratchet you’re such a dad, it's perfectly fine to listen to.”
‘I can be good, if you just wanna be bad’
“While I am certainly no expert on humans, I am fairly certain that does not sound like Knockout.” Ratchet said amused.
“What? No no that part” Miko rolled her eyes “That's Lady Gaga obviously. I’m talking about the guy's voice on this. Just wait a second.”
Knockout, having quietly moved from his place at the workbench to stand beside Ratchet leaned in, looking rather interested.
‘As long as I’m your hooker,
Back up and turn around’
At the first indication of the male's voice on the track Ratchet paused, eyebrows furrowing. “Wait a second..”
Knockout held up a servo for quiet as he leaned closer looking more excited by the second.
As long as I’m your hooker;
Get down!’
Ratchet listened intently as the chorus was sung. He had to admit it, the vocalist did sound a bit like Knockout. Perhaps it had simply been his lack of attention to the song?
The three stood in silence as the song continued playing through its second verse and chorus, played through and the bridge started.
‘Put your hands on me. John F. Kennedy’
Ratchet startled as a laugh broke out on the track, sounding eerily like the bot stood beside him practically shaking with delight. Ratchet looked at Miko with surprise as she gestured at the speaker as if to say ‘I told you so!’.
By the time Ratchet regained his composure enough to actively hear the lyrics again, the final bars of the song were being sung.
“I wanna f- government hooker,
Back up and turn around!
Stop f- me government hooker,
Hands on the ground.
I wanna f- government hooker,
Back up and turn around.
Stop f- me government hooker;
Get down!’
As the song ended Knockout laughed excitedly, startling both Ratchet and Miko. “ I cannot believe it. Just wait till I tell Breakdown about this, he’ll love this.”
Miko looked smug. “Told you guys.”
Ratchet tried his best not to look surprised. “Yes congratulations Miko, you were right.”
Knockout shook his head in amused disbelief. “I mean really what are the odds?”
Ratchet tilted his head. “I suppose not impossible if you were to do the math-”
“I mean, I know I recorded it at her behest, but I never expected her to actually use the recordings!” Knockout interrupted.
Ratchet stilled. “Sorry, wait what?”
Mikos eyes widened. “Wait do you mean-”
Knockout put a servo on his hip. “Yes, yes, that doesn’t sound like me, it is me.”
The two stared at him in shock. Knockout shifted his weight. “What?”
Ratchet's vocalizer spit static as he tried to speak. “Wha- Sorry, what do you mean it is you? How?”
Knockout shrugged. “ Breakdown and I worked as that human’s bodyguards briefly while her regular one was on leave. It meant we often were with her while she worked on her music. One day while recording she asked me to do a few vocals. She told me she liked how my voice sounded” He preened.
Ratchet shook his head in disbelief as Miko piped up “That's so cool!” She paused scrunching up her face. “Wait…Why were you and Breakdown working as bodyguards for humans?”
Knockout cleared his vocalizer as the two looked at him questioningly. “Well…We had both managed to garner quite a few speeding tickets, and had managed to get ourselves towed.” He sniffed in disdain. “Starscream deemed our punishment for getting captured by the humans was we had to find some way to pay off our accumulated fines.”
Ratchet barked out a laugh in disbelief. “This whole debacle is so ridiculous it couldn’t be anything but truth I suppose. So much for keeping a low profile among the humans, now we’re featuring in their music.” Miko giggled in agreement.
Knockout scoffed as he turned to go back to work. “Oh please, it's not as if I’m credited on the song, I specifically asked not to be. Besides” He looked over his shoulder smirking. “You act like I’m the first Cybertronian to be on a human song. I’m not even the first Autobot.”
Miko and Ratchet both gaped at him. “WHAT??!”
Knockout snickered. “Oh relax, it isn’t anyone here at least. I doubt any of them could carry a tune long enough for that.”
Miko dove for her mp3 player, evidently to attempt to find this other musical guest (although how far she’d get with that was uncertain).
Ratchet stood in a daze for a moment at this revelation before Teletraan’s beeping alerting him to the request for a groundbridge had him shaking his helm and returning to work. Even if Knockout was telling the truth, there were more pressing matters to attend to. Whatever Autobot was potentially out there expanding their discography would have to wait.