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Loving Vanessa was easy, it was as easy as breathing and certainly a lot easier than living. How could it not be easy? Wade and Vanessa have been through so much together, they’d fought so many figurative and literal battles together, from El Cancer to Vanessa losing her job, to Francis and even that time Vanessa’s piece of shit uncle came back to town (Wade’s baby knife made a special entrance that night).
Loving Vanessa was easy, even at the beginning, when they were two young spring chickens, or rabbits might be a better comparison considering how often they would end up fucking like said rabbits. Though, Wade was a bit too bitey and cagy to be a rabbit, perhaps a fox would be a better fit? Yea…he was a shrewd red fox and Vanessa was a bushy tailed free spirited rabbit…who both still fucked and loved like crazy…ya know what? Maybe this metaphor is getting away from us, let’s just get back to the point of this story.
The love the two felt for each other was new, it was fresh and freeing and only grew the deeper and deeper they fell for each other. They’ve gone through the seasons of life together, they were engaged, hell they were going to start a fucking family together. Wade could’ve sworn that every time Vanessa smiled or laughed or looked at him with those shining eyes, that he could hear fucking songbirds sing a melody, one meant only for them and their budding love.
But of course, like everything in Wade’s life, that would soon change. His commercial break filled to the brim with love and happiness (and those weirdly propaganda-charged Coca-Cola ads somehow featuring people’s most important life moments with a coke can placed perfectly centered in the shot) that he managed to return to even after Francis completely anal fucked his face from hell and back, was about to end once again. After saving Vanessa and bringing her back from death, he promised to try to avoid anymore mercenary bullshit and to use his deathly good combat skills and regeneration abilities for good, to help people, but of course the Avengers had to go and fuck that all the way up by rejecting him and obviously, the X-Men still wanted nothing to do with him, even with Colossus’ pleads for another chance, which at lease Wade understood their gripes, but c’mon what’s the harm in the murder of a few pedophilic creeps?
Yea not being apart of the X-Men sucked, but being rejected by the Avengers, his fucking heroes? That blows, it felt worse than the time he actually blew himself up. He took that as a sign that superheroing was not for him and decided to look for other callings, just like Tony Stark’s chauffeur told him. But Vanessa didn’t like that, didn’t like the sudden walls forming in his heart nor the submissive taking it lying down attitude he had started having.
But even when they sat at their kitchen table, having the most heartbreaking conversation of Wade’s life, knowing that they were growing further apart…
“I’m right here.” Wade tried to convince her, voice straining.
Vanessa sighed, eyes shining with what Wade could only see as disappointment. “Physically you are, but Wade, MY Wade…he’s disappeared somewhere, and he won’t tell me how to find him.”
Wade scratched at his hands under the table, knowing it was bad to pick at his skin but who really gives a fuck, it was one of the only things keeping him grounded and it’d heal back immediately after. He took in a deep breath and tried to find the right words to reel this conversation back in, “I’m trying, Vanessa. I really am. It’s just hard.”
She nods, “I get that but- Wade, this is no way to be, this back and forth. I-I just think things are a little TOO different now, we see with different eyes and we cry with different tears. We’re just not in sync anymore.”
Tears formed in both of their eyes, and they stared at one another, stared as they watched each other grow ever farther from each other.
Wade braced himself, he knew this next bit would get harder and closed his eyes, hoping that this wouldn’t sting too badly, he could heal from almost any wound, all except the few emotional ones that people managed to leave over the years.
“You just say it okay? Say ‘I don’t want you. I don’t wanna be with you.’ Go ahead s-say it. Say you don’t wanna be with me, tell me that and I’ll walk away. Say ‘I don’t want you.’”
Vanessa breathed in deeply, opened her mouth to speak but paused-hesitated.
“Fuuuck” Wade sighs to himself, defeated, head in his hands.
“Wade…look at me.” Vanessa urges him and because even now, when she’s breaking up with him, he’s still wants to hear her voice and look into her wonderful, endless eyes, Wade obliges.
“In the morning, I will not be here love. The storming up here,-” She points to her head before gently tapping Wade’s own head, “That storming, it comes between our dear love and darling…I don’t hear those song birds sing…”
Pain, fear, sadness and worst of all a crippling hollowness flood over Wade, crashing into him and nearly taking him overboard.
Even then, even after all the heartbreak, loving Vanessa is still easy, even though now it hurts.
When the two have been broken up for a bit, when Vanessa moves on and gets a new boyfriend (Dermatology or whatever his name is) and when Wade has…kind of moved on, more like just moved out and back in with Althea, while working at a fucking used car dealership, loving Vanessa doesn’t get any harder. Especially when she still insists on hanging out and coming to family game nights once what she had deemed to be enough time apart to cope with the breakup had passed.
She still smiled and laughed and held his hand or patted his back in companionship and it was all too easy to love her still.
It’s why saving the world, choosing to sacrifice his life once and for all to save the universe that her and the rest of his family lived in was such an easy choice. Loving Vanessa was second nature, so saving the universe was too.
Loving Vanessa was easy, sacrificing his life for her was even easier, but letting her go? Now that was hard. And Wade had to learn the hard way, but at least now there were people in his life that made it a bit easier.
Wade sat at the table surrounded by friends and family, newly free from holding Mary Puppins by a very insistent Logan who told him to “Talk to the girl”, held Vanessa’s hand as he watched her face go through a weird and complicated set of emotions, one that let him know she was most likely having an inner conversation with herself. He looked at her, raised his eyebrow muscle and tilted his head for added affect, “Skii ball token for your thoughts?” he asked but kept it low enough for privacy’s sake.
She nodded and motioned towards the kitchen. Usually this would have Wade (and little Wade) perking up as that usually meant a make out sesh or quickie, but her faces from earlier burned in his memory and a pit formed in his stomach. He got up to follow, making some lame excuse for getting more lemonade for ‘his thirsty little bitches’, grabbing the pitcher to make it seem legit.
Once he made it to the kitchen where Vanessa already was, he shrunk in on himself, looking at the shadow over her face and her bottom lip she kept chewing on as if nervous.
“Wade, c’mere” she said quietly.
“What’s up?”, he asked, knowing damn well now is not the time for jokes.
She grasped his hands gently in hers and pulled him into a hug and fuck, he’s once again reminded of why it’s so damn easy to love her.
“Wade…I love you, I truly do…” she trials off, pulling back but not completely out of grasp.
Wade sighs, “I’m guessing there’s a but coming next and its not the fun type of butt either.”
She sadly smiles ad him and nods, removing one of her hands from his to put it gently on his cheek, “But, I’m happy with Dermot and this life that I’m building, and you just got a new lease on yours. I’m…afraid that us being together might derail that. I still think we’re better off apart, ya know, just as friends.”
Wade smile doesn’t reach his eyes, and he knows it, it’s more of a smile of acceptance anyways. “Hey, what did I tell you? Even if you don’t want me, I saved the world for you and would do so again in a heartbeat. You’re so fucking important to me, Ness.” His voice breaks but he refuses to cry.
Vanessa pulls him into another hug, this time, one that’s 10 times tighter than the last. “I love you Wade, even though we aren’t dating anymore, don’t you ever fucking hesitate to call me or come to me if you need anything, I’ll drop everything in a second for you. You’re important to me too.” Wade nods against her shoulder and they stay like that for another couple of minutes, until Vanessa ultimately is the one to pull away first with a “Well…we better get back out there before the others start getting weird.”
“Yea, I’m coming, I’ll-just give me a minute, I did promise them lemonade!” Wade says with a false bravado trying to put himself back together again.
Vanessa nods and heads back to the table.
There, the others immediately include her back into the conversation, well everyone except one of their newest additions, Logan, who just kept looking at her strangely.
As conversations go on, he leaned over to Vanessa and asked quietly, “Where’s Wade?” It was odd, how protective this version of the Wolverine seemed to be over Wade, she chalks it up to something they encountered while on their multiverse saving journey together.
“He’s in the kitchen, give him a minute and he’ll be out.” She obliges him but all he does is narrow his eyes at her.
“I’m gonna go check up on him…” He scoots his chair back and Vanessa stops him, Wade doesn’t like other people trying to console/baby him and even though she’s not sure the rough and gruff Wolverine would do that, she knows Wade just needs a moment alone to collect his thoughts.
“No, he’ll be okay, just give him a bit.” She gently urges him.
But Logan doesn’t take that for an answer and gets up, “Then I’m going to the bathroom…” and then walks to the kitchen which happens to be in the opposite way of the bathroom.
Vanessa sighs in exasperation.
Logan isn’t an idiot. A lot of people see his animalistic urges and assume he’s a wild feral animal instead of a man with a semi-high intellect when he isn’t drunk or depressed or pissed off his ass. Those people usually end up with 6 adamantium claws skewered through their face.
No, Logan isn’t a fucking idiot and he doesn’t like to be treated or brushed off like one, which is why it pisses him off when Vanessa tells him that Wade’s fine even though he can hear the other’s heartbeat speeding up in the kitchen just a few rooms over.
Wade saved him, helped him escape from a shitty existence, so why the hell should he just sit there and let the idiot spiral and suffer alone? No, this is something he’s choosing to be stubborn on, he gets up to check on Wade.
When he walks into the kitchen, he finds the merc with a mouth leaning on the counter with his elbows, staring at a full pitcher of lemonade like it caused all of his problems.
“Hey bub, how ya doing?” He asks walking up to Wade and leaning right beside him on the counter.
Wade looks over at Logan and it seems like something in him breaks, and he starts laughing, not a hearty cheerful laugh he’s seen Wade do before, or even a teasing chuckle that the merc loves to throw his way, no this was a sad self deprecating laugh, one he himself has done many times, as if the only thing one can do is laugh at the bullshit that is their own life.
His laughs calm down just enough for him to get out a sentence, “You were right, Logan…”
This stumps the Wolverine, what the fuck was Wade talking about? And why did it leave such a gnawing hole of fear in his stomach to hear what would come out of his mouth next?
“What cha talkin’ about bub?” He asks gently.
Wade sinks to the floor, back now to the counter and hugs his knees tightly, “That I couldn’t even save a relationship with a goddamn stripper. With Vanessa, my longest relationship, the only person who could’ve ever loved my infected-ballsack looking face. Even after saving the universe, she still doesn’t want to be with me again. It really is God’s best joke that I can’t die, that I’ll be cursed to forever walk this stupid world alone.” His voice breaks and so does Logan’s heart. He didn’t even know that Wade still remembered that whole rage induced speech in the Honda Odyssey but apparently, he had and the idiot was using it as ammo against his own brain right now as they speak.
Logan joins him on the floor, taking a moment to figure out how best to tackle this. Well…an apology would probably be a good start he lectures himself.
“Bub-Wade. I am so sorry…I-you know I didn’t actually mean any of that shit I said back then, right?”
Wade rolls his eyes, wet with unshed tears, “Yea and I didn’t mean it when I said that Althea was blind, she can actually see perfectly fine. Just cut the shit honey badger, you don’t have to apologize when-“
Logan cut him off, “Fuck you, yes I do Wade. I do have to apologize because I didn’t mean it, I just wanted to say shit that would hurt you, just wanted to spread my own misery to others, even if they didn’t deserve it.”
It was now or never, for once, Wade was silent, and Logan was the one who couldn’t shut the fuck up. “You saved the fucking universe for her, if that didn’t win her over, I don’t know who or what would’ve, but don’t for a second go blaming yourself for the end of this relationship. Sometimes things don’t work and it fucking sucks, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault or that you’re unlovable. You’re one hell of a friend, you’re kind, insanely loyal and wear your heart on your sleeve for all of your friends to see, anyone would be lucky to love you, I know I sure am…”
“Logan…” Wade was rendered speechless by his friend’s words.
“I’m not good at this emotional shit, but if you ever need anything, even if its just a shoulder to cry on or a person to talk to, I’ll be here. I mean, it’s only fair, you saved me, I don’t mind if it’s you who needs a little saving from time to time.” Logan bumped his shoulder’s playfully, and Wade leaned into it, eventually resting his head on Logan’s shoulder.
“Thanks….Logan. I-I needed that. I’m glad you’re here.” Wade mumbled and fell quiet, just sitting there, basking in the presence of his friend.
Logan would let Wade sit there for a long as he needed, with only a few words in return, “I’m glad you’re here too…”
They sat there until Wade was ready to head back into the dining room with the rest of his friends and for the first but definitely not the last time, Wade thought about how easy it was to love Logan being there, as part of his little world.
Now Wade and Vanessa live separate lives in their separate homes, wiser from their time spent apart. Apart, but not alone.
Vanessa and Dermot moved in together recently and were still adjusting to sharing a living space, while Wade always had a full apartment, with Blind Al, Mary Puppins, Logan and an occasionally visiting Laura.
They still all meet up whenever they can for family game nights, and they even extend the invitation to Dermot who joins Vanessa when he can. And every now and then Wade will look at his family sitting around the table laughing and joking with each other and his eyes will fall on Vanessa and he’ll think of their past, of their time together, when they were two young wild things and even though it’s still so easy to love Vanessa, he thinks it’s also a little easier to let her go too. He finally accepts that love isn’t always ‘til death do us part’.
In fact, loving and letting go of Vanessa has taught him a new lesson, one he would’ve never learned if it wasn’t for the heartbreak and changes that helped to shape him into the person he was today. It was his favorite lesson he’s learned yet, in all of his years of superheroing and life, and it’s that one day, songbirds will sing again inside his heart.
Wade looks at Logan, who sits beside him half listening to a heated debate going on between Dopinder and Peter on the logistics of rentable cars, and smiles brightly at the man before reaching for his hand to hold. This grabs Logan’s attention, and he turns to face Wade with a matching smile, squeezing his hands as he moves closer to Wade.
And as Logan moves in to kiss his boyfriend, curling a protective arm around his waist while still somehow managing to hold Wade’s hand, Wade can’t help but think to himself as he’s smiling widely into the kiss, just how easy it is to love Logan.