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Tony was proud (and relieved) to say that he was not drunk when he got the news. He wasn’t even hungover, an unusual state of being for him since he was at least one of those at least 80% of the time.
When Pepper came to find him that fateful day, he was in the other 19%. On a bender in the lab. (The other 1% was miscellaneous things like sleeping or turning up to the (very) occasional meeting)
“Mr Stark, we need to talk.”
“Uh oh,” Tony muttered around the wires and screw in his mouth. “I know those words. Everyone's nightmare. And here I thought we had something great going on Ms Potts.”
“Mr Stark-”
“I know, I know, it's not me, it's you”, Tony was only, maybe a quarter, paying attention to the conversation, contorted as he was within the machine he was working on. “But that’s the end of this relationship. You're breaking my heart here –”
“Tony.”
Tony’s attention suddenly sharpened. He poked his head out and took in the pinch of Pepper’s mouth, how tightly her hands were gripping her tablet. Pepper rarely called him by his first name.
“What’s going on?” he asked, untangling himself from wires and metal. He came to a stand, wiping his oily hands on a rag. Pepper grimaced.
“A baby was left at the reception at Stark Industries,” Pepper began hesitantly, so much unlike her usual no-nonsense straight-to-the-point attitude that Tony began feeling worried. “In the carrycot there was a folder with a stack of papers regarding birth and custody.”
“O-kay,” Tony started. “That’s a little odd. Do we know who the baby belongs to?”
“Well, apparently…you.” Pepper winced.
“What?” Tony exclaimed, heart stuttering.
“There was a letter in -”
“People claim all the time to have my child,” Tony scoffed dismissively, twisting the rag, knuckles turning white. “I thought even you had handled a case or two of that. This isn’t anything new, and that isn’t my baby.”
“Well, generally they don’t just leave the baby there without even identifying themselves,” Pepper snapped, “We don’t even know who the mom is. Usually, they at least have an agenda.”
“Well, regardless-”
“And you’re right, this isn’t my first case,” Pepper continued, heedlessly, “So I know what to do. We did a standard paternity test, like procedure, since your name was on the papers that were with her. I gave approval to carry it out before bothering you with this situation. It could have been nothing as you said,” Pepper stopped and took a breath. Tony began to feel cold; dread beginning to seep into his veins. No. Pepper was looking at him worriedly. No. “The paternity test came back positive. The baby is yours.”
No.
Tony blinked down.
The baby blinked back.
Tony blinked again.
The baby’s mouth widened into something that could almost be a smile.
Tony felt something in his gut. A lump of something he didn’t know how to describe, that he hadn’t felt before. Tony didn't want to poke it and examine it much, worried what it would tell him, what it would reveal.
The baby had been brought to him in the beige carrycot and pink onesie she had been left in, and though she was crying when she got here, she was now being surprisingly quiet. Starting from when he had hesitantly poked his head over the opening of the carrycot. They had been staring at each other in fascination ever since. At least she wasn’t old enough to judge him for the way he was just leaning over, dumbfounded.
This was his baby. His daughter.
He had a child. He was a father.
He felt a bit sick. Tony didn’t think he had felt this lost in a long time. He had no idea what he was supposed to do in this situation. Any of it. It was always a risk, the way he was recklessly going about life, but he had tried to minimise the risk as much as possible.
The baby wiggled a bit and Tony reached out a hand automatically, freezing before he could make contact. He hesitated.
The baby didn’t.
Suddenly, the baby’s little, tiny hand shot out and wrapped around one of Tony’s fingers.
Tony felt something hook his stomach and yank, so abruptly that for a second he didn't know which way was up, and which way was down. His whole world rearranged itself at that moment, and the very centre of it was a tiny bundle, gripping his finger with a surprising amount of strength.
Tony gasped and stared and stared. He had practically been doing nothing but stare since he had stumbled into this room.
The baby shook his finger and - and squealed.
Tony felt he wasn’t getting enough air. Or maybe it was too much. He suddenly felt full. So overwhelmingly full of something indescribable. It was bursting out of him, until he couldn't help but laugh, a slightly hysterical edge to it.
His laugh sparked more of that adorable squealing and Tony - Tony melted. His veins felt like they were being injected with pure sunshine; burning and bright and warm warm warm.
This was his baby.
So this is what it felt like. Falling in love.
“Hi baby,” he whispered. “Nice to meet you too.” They smiled at each other, and Tony hesitantly reached over with his other hand until he could brush a finger gently down her face. It was so soft.
She gurgled happily, her face scrunching, body wiggling within the blankets.
Plummeting.
Plummeting through the air at high speed, air whipping bits of him as he went by, limbs flailing but there wasn’t anything to hold onto, he was just falling falling falling. Fast. Unstoppable. Tony could practically feel his face stinging with it.
Tony understood now why it was called “falling" in love but he hadn’t realised it would be quite this brutal. He thought getting punched in the solar plexus would be feel softer than this.
“Hi,” he said again, breathless, shifting so he could softly brush over the back of the hand gripping his finger, mesmerised by the tenderness of her skin. “Guess I’m your daddy then.” He swallowed, another wave of overwhelm swept over him suddenly. He was so, so out of his depth. His hand trembled within her tiny grasp.
Pepper walked back into the room then, raising an eyebrow as she took in Tony hunched over the carry on the table, finger in the baby’s hand. Tony turned wide eyes over to her. A smile briefly flickered on Peppers lips before it was gone and she was by his side, looking tiredly down at the baby that had wrapped a second hand around his.
“Ok, we have to figure out what to do with her.” Pepper sighed. Tony’s stomach twisted sharply. “We can try tracking down her mother; the birth certificate was with the papers.” Pepper shuffled through said papers quickly - Tony glimpsing the half filled custody forms - before setting them back in the folder they came in, on the table by the carrycot. Tony felt a squirming in his gut at her words. Uncomfortable, and he didn’t know why. Well, maybe. “The other option is we give her to CPS -”
“No.” Tony said firmly, voice hard. Resolve settling the nausea a bit. “No, I’ll keep her.”
“Tony,” Pepper protested. “This isn't a puppy, this is a baby. They need constant minding, and attention, and - and effort. You can't just leave them to their own devices. You can't just give them back when you get bored.”
Tony clenched his jaw. “I know all that.”
“Do you? Do you really? Have you actually thought this through? What it means to keep this baby?" Pepper demanded, "There isn’t room for a baby in your life. This wouldn’t be temporary, it would be for the rest of your life!” she sighed at his clenched jaw. “We don't have to decide right now. Think about it overnight at least. Sleep on it.”
Tony couldn't blame her for her disbelief. He could barely believe it himself. And truthfully, he hadn't thought it through. All he knew was this was his daughter, and he couldn't just abandon her. He would be worse than his father, something Tony had tried so hard not to be, despite all his own shortcomings.
Although - wouldn't it have been better if his father had let him go? Given him the chance to be raised by a proper family?
Maybe it would be better to give her a chance at a normal life. But Tony knew all too well the feeling of being unwanted by the very people meant to love him the most. And he couldn't let his daughter feel that. Not from him.
Tony looked at the baby, stared into her large brown eyes, trailed a hand down her ruddy cheek, and thought about the fact that she already knew what it was like to be unwanted. To be thrown out because she wasn’t enough for someone, that she didn’t meet their expectations. Tony felt anger bubble up within him at the girl’s mother, who hadn't wanted her because she wasn't her very own mini version of him. As if that was something to want, especially when this little bundle of utter joy was presented.
His child was only a week old and already history was repeating itself. No. Not this time. There wouldn’t be another him.
He pulled his finger away from her, just to reach under and scoop her up, hesitantly bringing her to his chest. She was so, so tiny. Her brief fussing died down instantly and her hands flopped on his chest. His heart swelled as her eyelids fluttered and she let out the most adorable yawn he had ever seen, opening her mouth widely before smacking her lips. She snuffled lightly before turning her face into him.
Tony cupped the back of her head protectively. She felt so small in his hands, so fragile, so so breakable. And Tony had so much potential to break her. The threat was from all directions. He was terrified, of that, of the future, of the endless ways he could fail, so overwhelmed. But, if there was one thing he could try to do above all, it was to make sure this little girl, his little girl, never doubted she was loved. He was going to try to be the best dad he could be; if he could do nothing else right, he was at least going to make sure to never let her question her worth to him, that she would always know she was enough as she was.
Peace settled over him. He had no idea how he was going to navigate this. His life completely unsuitable for a child as it was. But as determination set in, so did resolve. He had revolutionised war. He could reform his life, unravel it and wind it again so that it was a soft place for his baby to grow.
Now all that needed to be decided was a name; that section of the birth certificate was glaringly blank.
“Can’t keep calling you baby, can I?” Tony smiled as he swayed, cradling her to his chest. “At least not all the time.”
His mind whirled. He had never thought about what to name his child. He never thought he would have one, but life never went as he expected. He wanted to name her something that held value, reinforcing how precious she was. Maybe after someone in his life who held the values he wanted her to have.
Not his mother. She was too subservient and passive in the end, she didn't stand up for him or herself. He loved his mother dearly, but he didn't want his daughter to be like her. He wanted her to be brave, and strong, to stand up for herself and her beliefs, to not back down. Tony’s mind sparked.
There was one woman in his life who was exactly like that, who looked challenge in the eye, who told the opposition to move or she would move it for them. Someone who Tony loved and wanted his daughter to be like, to have as a role model.
“Welcome home, my love,” He pressed a tender kiss to her head.
When Pepper came by the next morning, the decision had been made, so firmly it was cemented. Filled out, finished custody papers sitting pristine on the table. Receipts on his phone.
“Her name is Peggy Stark. And she is mine.”