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Queens had changed.
Steve stuffed his hands in his pockets as he looked up and up and up at the buildings. They were so tall now. Queens had definitely changed. But, then again, everywhere had. Everything had.
Except him.
He clenched his fists, nails pressing into his palms as he breathed. He let out a controlled breath.
Then kept walking.
It was surreal, walking the streets he had walked before, seeing those streets like an afterimage while looking at the present. Over there used to be a sweet shop he and Bucky once got a few sherbets from. It was a grocery store now, bright lights flashing from within.
He glanced across the street. There used to be a park there, Steve could see the red slide, and yellow swings, made more so by age, faded, when he closed his eyes. When he opened them again, all he could see was brick. A lot of it. He looked up and up to the top of what seemed to be an apartment building.
Fist clenched, release, breathe, walk.
Steve continued forward, walking the streets with a blank mind, ruthlessly suppressing any memories that tried to float forward.
Even without the double images, walking the streets were a surreal experience. This was the future. The very thing he had been working towards. Fighting so hard so America and the world would have a future. And this was it. All the theories of the future, all the pictures drawn in magazines, ideas of what it would look like. And this was it. Steve was seeing it with his very eyes.
It wasn’t quite what they had expected in some ways, in other ways, it had surpassed their expectations.
A car zoomed past and a thought rose, slipping past his mental barrier, bringing with it a sense of amusement as well as a pang of sadness and loss. Guess Howard never did get his flying car idea off the ground.
He sighed as he remembered his old friend. His mind flickered to his son. It was still so strange for him to think that Howard had a kid. And that kid was all grown up now. Steve had practically missed a whole generation.
He thought back to what he had read in Tony Stark’s SHIELD file and grimaced.
He wasn’t missing much there at least.
Steve’s eyes caught on a little blond boy hobbling along the pavement with two crutches, foot in a cast. His heart twanged with familiarity and kinship.
The familiarity took a decidedly sour turn when he spotted a pair of boys sniggering and following the boy.
Following him into an alley way.
This was also distinctly familiar. Steve was well acquainted with being cornered in alleyways.
But it didn’t look like this boy had a Bucky to protect him.
He sped to the opening of the alley, and a familiar scene met him, of the blond boy on the ground, crutches tossed aside as the other two stood around jeering.
Steve felt irritation bubble up. He supposed not everything had changed. Bullies would always be bullies, no matter the time. He stepped forward, because in this time, he was an adult, and had power, he wasn’t the one pinned to the wall anymore. He could stop this.
Just as he took a step and parted his lips, a cry went out over the alley.
“Hey!”
A young girl was standing at the other end of the alley, and furiously rushed forward until she was standing between the boy and the bullies.
“Leave him alone!” Her fists were clenched and her eyes were narrowed behind her glasses.
The boys laughed uproariously amongst themselves. One of them took a step towards the boy regardless and she blocked him again.
“I said leave him alone. It’s not nice to pick on others!”
“Oh yeah?”
“What are you going to do about it?” one of the boy’s said, looking the girl up and down with a sneer.
She jutted her chin out. “You’ll have to go through me.”
“Girls can’t fight,” the boy scoffed. The girl just smiled up at him then excitedly gestured with her hand for him to come close.
“Let me tell you a secret,” she said brightly. The boys shot each other a confused look before the one who spoke leaned in. Quick as a whip, the girl drew her fist back and socked him in the face with enough strength to knock him flat on his back with a cry. “Yes they can!”
All the boys and Steve stared at her in shock. For a second, the image of the young girl was superimposed on another memory he had, of a woman who had also had to knock sense into boys who doubted her just because she wasn’t a man.
“Step forward Hodge. Put your right foot forward.”
His heart twinged with the memory.
The boy on the ground was holding a hand tenderly to his face, eyes wide. “Now scram!” She said with her hands on her hip, glaring down her nose at them. The boys scrambled away, almost shoving each other in their hurry, glancing back worriedly.
Steve’s new favourite child turned to the kid on the floor and crouched down next to them. “Are you ok?” her voice was softer now. “Next time, you should stand up for yourself. Your leg is going to be healed in no time! Then it will be stronger than ever. Don’t let them discourage you.”
“Thank you” the kid said, staring up at her in awe. “I won't!”
“Good,” the girl smiled. “Now didn’t you have somewhere to be?”
“Yes.” The kid scrambled up, but turned again to smile at her, eyes still wide, “Thank you so much!”
“You are very welcome,” she laughed. The kid sped as much as he could down the alley. The girl then turned and noticed Steve.
She just stared.
Steve stared back. Then decided that looked very weird and he, a grown man, should not just be staring at a young girl in an alley like that. So he scraped his jaw from the ground and said, “That was very impressive.”
She made a dismissive noise. “It was nothing.”
“No, really,” Steve said, “How you stood up for someone against those boys. You are so strong. And you throw a mean punch.” Steve smiled. She grinned back.
“My daddy taught me! He says its important I know how to defend. Myself or others. And that I shouldn’t let other people walk over me just because I’m a girl. That’s a dumb reason.”
“Your daddy is a smart man,” Steve said, impressed.
“Oh yes!” her smile got even brighter, “He is the smartest in the whole world.”
“Is that right,” his voice amused. She nodded seriously. “Well, he has to be, for you to be so smart.” The girl smiled shyly. He paused and looked around, concerned. “Are you here with a grown up?”
“I was playing in the park over there with my friend. His mum is with us,” she pointed. There was a park a little way off, across the street. “But then I saw those boys being mean and had to stop it.”
“You crossed the road by yourself?” Steve asked, alarmed. There was so much more traffic these days than when he last remembered. And she was only tiny.
She scowled, “I’m ten! And I’m smart, even you said so!”
“Well, yeah, but crossing the road can be dangerous, even for grownups. You should have someone with you,” Steve had no idea how he should navigate this situation. He wasn’t a parent!
The girl sighed. “Yeah, I know. Daddy says so as well. You won’t tell him though. Will you?” she looked up with nervous eyes.
“I won’t tell him.” He sighed. Scolding a kid for doing something reckless while defending others. If only Bucky could see him now, he would have a field day. Steve’s heart constricted. “Can I help you cross back at least?”
The girl eyed him suspiciously, “Daddy says I shouldn’t go with people I don’t know.”
Steve smiled. He was really liking the sound of this girl’s father. “That is very good advice. But I will just be helping you cross the street. If I try to take you anywhere else, you can nail me with a punch like you did with that boy. I won’t get very far then.” She didn’t need to know it wouldn’t do anything. He wasn’t going to try anything anyway.
She contemplated that for a minute. “I wouldn’t do the same thing. I have more tricks up my sleeve.” She said with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. Steve didn’t doubt it. He smiled at her.
“I’m Steve.” He held out his hand. The girl grabbed it and shook it enthusiastically.
“I’m Peggy!”
Steve’s world froze for a second.
There was ringing in his ears.
The girl was smiling brightly up at him. Such a sweet girl with a fiery spirit. A girl defending others and herself. A smart girl, a kind girl. A girl called Peggy.
Steve’s past and present were blurring until he couldn’t figure out where or when he was; what was real?
“Mr Steve?” a concerned voice broke through the fog. A small hand tugged at him, slowly pulling him out of the haze. “Mr Steve, are you ok?”
Steve blinked rapidly. Big brown eyes were staring up at him worriedly, small hands gripping his shirt. Those eyes seemed so familiar. He cleared his throat.
“Yeah, I’m ok. I was just remembering someone. You remind me of her.”
The girl – Peggy – looked mostly unappeased and started digging around in her pockets. She made a triumphant sound and brought out a small wrapped chocolate.
“Here! Chocolate should help you feel better.”
“Will it?” Steve asked, trying to pull off amused and mostly sounding winded.
She nods seriously, “It always helps when my daddy or uncle have moments like this. My uncle is in the army. Were you in the army Mr Steve?”
Steve startled. Peggy stared at him with sharp eyes, seeing what she shouldn’t.
“Yes,” Steve said, surprised and nostalgic all of a sudden, “Yes, I was.”
Peggy looked at him solemnly. “The person I remind you of. Did you lose her in the army?”
Steve forced his gaze to remain steady, to not betray his racing heart or constricting lungs or whirling thoughts.
“Yeah,” he breathed, “Yeah, I guess I did.”
“I’m sorry.”
The words were said with too much empathy to come from a child. Steve looked at her and wondered. Has she lost someone? Why does she seem to understand all this? Steve can barely understand it himself.
“My uncle looks the same when he losses people. He looked like that when he almost lost daddy.” Steve was horrified when tears began filling warm eyes.
“Is your daddy in the army as well?” he asked softly. It would make sense, with everything he has learnt about him so far.
“Not exactly.” She wiped away her tears, sniffled a bit but then looked up again, her face set. “It’s ok though, my uncle found him again and brought him home. Which was the best thing ever. I really missed him.” She shook her head quickly. “Eat, eat,” she said, pushing the chocolate into his hand. “You will feel better! I promise!”
Steve smiled faintly as his fingers curled around the chocolate. “Ok, I will. Thank you.”
So Steve sat in a less than sanitary alleyway, in a Queens he didn’t recognise, with a young girl who was an echo of his past. He felt he was surrounded by ghosts, but when Peggy grinned at him as he bit into the chocolate, he felt just a little bit calmer.
“Have you considered therapy?” This was not a question Steve ever expected to be asked by a child. He looked down in surprise. Peggy was watching the cars intently, waiting for an opening to cross.
“Umm, not really.” Steve tightened his grip on her hand a tiny bit as she shuffled. He figured therapy had probably changed as well since his time. She glanced up at him.
“It can be helpful to talk about what happened and your feelings,” she stared up at him innocently, “That’s what my daddy said when he went. He didn’t want to go at first, but he went for me. He said it was so he could get back to normal quicker. I think Uncle Rhodey made him.”
Steve nodded and added ‘therapy’ to the list of things to research about this time. “I’ll look into it.” Peggy nodded, satisfied. “It’s safe now.”
Steve glanced and saw the road was clear. “Good job.”
“So,” Steve began as they entered through the gates of the park. He looked around. “Where is your friend's mum?”
Peggy glanced around as well before pointing to a teenage girl on her phone sitting on a bench on the other side of the park. “That’s his sister. His mum went to get coffee from the café down the road and took him to get some snacks as well.”
“Oh.”
“Here, stay here, don’t move,” Peggy said before running off towards the teenager. Peggy almost crashed into the bench next to the girl. She looked up from her phone at that, fondly smiling down at Peggy. Peggy said something to her and she nodded.
Peggy spun around and sprinted back to Steve.
“Ok, I’m back!” she announced. Steve almost laughed.
“I can see that,” he said, amused.
“Do you have to go now?” Peggy asked, a pout playing on the edges of her lips.
Steve thought back to the melancholic walk he had been on, the pensive staring at the wall of his assigned rooms, the punching bag that he buried his feelings in. He winced. “No, I have nowhere to be.”
“Do you want to play on the swings?” Peggy asked hopefully. And you know what, yeah, Steve wanted to play on the swings.
After pushing Peggy so high on the swings she was shrieking in delight, and a frankly hilarious and heart-warming attempt to return the favour, they sat swinging lazily side by side.
“Do you have anyone to talk about your feeling with?” Peggy sat on the bench, feet swinging under her.
“No,” Steve’s throat felt tight, but he pushed it down. Pushed it all down; all the thoughts about what it meant that he now has no one to talk about his feelings with.
“You can talk about them with me! Daddy says I’m a really good listener!” Peggy announced proudly.
Steve smiled faintly, touched. “Thanks, but- ” Peggy stared up at him expectantly. “It’s a bit… complicated.”
“Feelings often are,” she said solemnly. Steve stared. “Even if the thing is not normal, the feelings usually are though.” Steve stared some more. Either children in this time are much smarter and more mature than his time, or this girl was peculiar.
He thought back to the pair of boys in the alleyway. Those, he recognised from children in his time. Maybe it was just her, Peggy.
“Do you feel sad?”
“Yeah. I do.” He sighed, feeling said sadness wash over him. It had been buried beneath confusion, and bitterness, and grief, and loss. Under it all, there was an ocean of sadness, brought to the forefront of his mind by the question of a child. And of course that’s what her first emotion would be, one of the most basic and fundamental emotions. “I’m alone now.”
He felt little arms wrap around his waist, and tears stung his eyes.
“You don’t have to be. You can make new friends.” Peggy looked up. “I can be your friend! There,” she nodded decisively, looking pleased with herself, “You’ve already made one! Things are already getting better.”
Steve let a single tear slide down his cheek. Through the sadness creating a vacuum in his chest, he felt a tiny warmth spark to life, bringing a lump to his throat and more tears to his eyes. His lips turned up softly.
Steve knelt down and placed two hands on her shoulders.
“You are a very special girl, Peggy. I’m honoured to be your friend.”
That won him the brightest beam yet, Peggy’s eyes disappearing with it. And Steve couldn’t help but think, despite everything, that maybe things really could get better. Maybe they already are.
Steve should have known better. Of course it didn’t get better. Things just got even worse. Impossibly worse. Worse than he could have imagined. Gods and aliens and missiles and ‘end of the world’ worse.
But somehow – somehow – they had actually managed to win. As a team. A team made up from the last people you would think to work together.
Silver linings.
Steve was skirting around the edge of the half destroyed Stark tower when he spotted a familiar head of curls rushing by and paused.
“Peggy?”
The head of curls whipped around to uncover a terrified, tear stained face.
“Mr – Captain Steve!” She rushed towards him, crashing into him. “Captain Steve, sir, have you seen my daddy? Where is he? Is he ok?” She babbled, tears welling in her eyes again as she gripped onto him.
“Peggy – ”
“Please,” she gasped out, blinking rapidly as the tears began to fall again. She stared at him, her big eyes wide and lip trembling. So unlike the bright, happy little girl he met all those weeks ago. Looking back to that peaceful stroll in Queens, it felt like a lifetime ago.
That park was likely decimated now. Steve’s heart hurt.
“Peggy –”
“Just tell me he is alive! Please tell me he’s ok,” she whispered. Steve felt helpless. He wanted to help, he did, but he had no idea who Peggy’s dad was. Just the cherry on top of this damn day. And just when he thought he had actually done something right.
“Peggy!”
That time, it wasn’t Steve. Peggy gasped and shot off at the same time Steve snapped around. Because that was –
“DADDY!”
Peggy was sprinting, almost tripping over herself, and crashed straight into her father’s chest.
Her father who was Tony Stark.
Steve’s brain froze.
He detachedly took in what was happening, and pieced things together.
Stark had seen Peggy, called out for her. Peggy spotted him and ran to him. Stark dropped to the ground in time that Peggy landed on his chest, not his legs. They were currently curled into each other. They were so entangled because…. Because Stark was Peggy’s dad.
What.
Steve felt dizzy.
It felt surreal.
Sitting in Tony Stark’s half debilitated living room as the man himself walked in with a child on his hip, Steve felt like he was dreaming.
Forget the aliens and gods he was fighting two hours ago, this is what was doing him in.
Random flashes of when Peggy had talked about her dad were filtering through Steve’s mind randomly and each one felt like his stomach was going to drop out.
Daddy says its important I know how to defend. Myself or others
He’s the smartest in the whole world
He says I have to have an adult when I cross the street
Daddy says I shouldn’t go with people I don’t know
He didn’t want to go at first, but he went for me. He said it was so he could get back to normal quicker.
Daddy says I’m a really good listener!
I really missed him
My daddy is the best!
Steve had built an image of Peggy’s dad in his mind. He had sounded amazing; a great man, and an amazing, loving father who dedicated everything to his daughter and tried his best to bring her up well.
Who raised a brave, smart girl who stood up for others, a girl who comforted people when they were sad, a girl who bragged about her dad to anyone who would listen, an amazing, loving girl.
He had seemed the opposite of everything Tony Stark was. Or Steve had thought.
Before the battle. Before the wormhole and the nuke.
Before this.
“Look, I got you something,” Tony pulled out a plastic bag, and from it, took out a shawarma wrapped in paper. Steve hadn’t even noticed him getting it. “It’s called shawarma. It’s really good. Let’s fill up that rumbling belly shall we?”
He unwrapped the top part of the paper and handed it to Peggy.
As Peggy sat devouring her wrap, Tony delicately swept away Peggy’s bangs that had come loose from her – now very much ruined – ponytail. He stroked the top of her head as she ate, looking at her with such soft eyes that Steve had to look away.
“Remember to chew properly,” Tony gently chided. Peggy nodded and marginally increased her chewing. Tony sighed exasperatedly, tinged with fondness.
Yes, Steve thought, this was a man who would remind his daughter to have an adult when crossing the street.
If Steve had ever imagined Tony Stark having a child before today, he would have imagined he would be a terrible father, barely acknowledging them, not caring at all.
Steve was so, so wrong.
He felt like he should apologise to Tony for the thought alone.
Well. It seemed he had a lot to apologise for.
Tony glanced up and met Steve’s eyes. Steve gave him a tentative smile, testing the waters. Tony gave a small smile back.
That’s a good a start as any.
“So, you’re the ‘Mr Steve’ Peggy met a few weeks ago,” Tony smirked at him later, after the team had dispersed to go to bed and Peggy was laying fast asleep across her dad’s lap.
“And you are Peggy’s father that she doesn’t stop talking about,” Steve smirked back. Tony glanced away, not quite bashful. A proud smile teasing at the edges of his lips. He ran a hand down her hair softly.
“You left quite an impression,” Tony continued as if Steve hadn’t said anything. “She was quite worried about you. Wondered if you had made any more new friends yet. If things were getting better for you.” Tony sounded fond, and Steve felt the same fondness well up in him.
“I might have, I suppose.” Steve looked at him. “I guess things are starting to look a bit brighter.”
“Well, she’ll be glad to hear that, as soon as she wakes up.” Tony shot him another small smile. Steve reciprocated without a thought.
Then a question popped into his mind. One that had been swirling for a while.
“Peggy?” Steve asked quietly, a question in his eyes. “What inspired the name?”
Tony just nodded. “She’s my Godmother, did you know? And she was the best person I’d ever met. When I got Peggy, I thought of what to name her.” Tony glanced down, “I wanted to name her after someone she could look up to. A good role model. I couldn’t think of anyone better for that role.”
Steve swallowed painfully. “I can’t either.”
He thought of a sunny day when things had looked so bleak for him. He thought of the painful reminder of his pain, of his losses. He thought of a girl who brought a ray of sunshine, a ray of hope.
What he might have gained.
“She’s wonderful Tony. Truly. You’ve done well.”
Tony looked down at Peggy’s sleeping face as if he was gazing up at the night sky for the first time.
“Yeah. Yeah, I have.”