Work Text:
Shadow didn’t enjoy Christmas. Not to say he didn’t like it, it was a perfectly fine holiday by itself and placed within a vacuum in which his life never happened. He liked the season surrounding it with the snow and the lights late at night. He liked the idea of gifts in theory. It was otherwise inoffensive, if not for the plain and simple fact that Maria loved it.
Despite her life on the ARK, Christmas was a special time for her it seemed. It was when her grandfather would bring gifts from earth she normally never got (one year he got her a fern and she adored it) and brought the entire colony to the biggest feast they would ever see for another year with actual food rather than the relatively tasteless dried food they got normally. Even Shadow got to partake in the turkey and stuffing and potatoes they got only this time of year.
He enjoyed the games they all played afterwards with cards and dice and something a scientist had called a dreidel. He got quite good at poker then.
A few years the scientists organized a gift exchange and he had given Maria a personally knitted scarf he made for her. It was clunky and poorly made but she cherished it. More often than not she got fancy new toys or books her grandfather was able to get from earth. Then the whole colony gathered together and bundled under blankets to watch a movie before sleeping for a whole day then resuming their duties.
Shadow remembered Christmas only with her, it felt empty otherwise.
He didn’t like knowing that everyone aboard the ARK like the man with the dreidel and the woman who made everyone cookies and the young woman who taught him how to play poker and the older man who was the only one that knew how to work the projection machine and the man who played the accordion for them and his daughter who joined with her clarinet and Gerald and Maria were all gone.
Every year he wished to have all those old traditions back, every year he wished he never got to know them in the first place.
Their laughter and joy was gone and with it so went Shadows for the season.
It was simply gone, siphoned out of him with his grief until nothing was left.
Mostly, the emptiness was filled with Rouge and Omega.
They always were sure to not do anything dramatic and big, for Shadow’s sake, but made sure he got cookies and a slightly nicer dinner than normal and they would all watch Singin’ in the Rain, Sleeping Beauty and other movies that Maria enjoyed. Something familiar for him at the very least. They never pushed it too far, never pushed beyond those set limits.
This year, however, would be different.
“I’m sorry, hun, but work’s keeping me real busy as it is. But we can still do something for New Years.” Rouge told him when he tried to bring up their plans for the holidays. He glowered at her from his spot at the kitchen table. While she mixes up their scrambled eggs once more. He knew he was the lucky one among them to never have to work.
GUN was sympathetic enough, or otherwise was smart to keep him quiet, and paid him a small allowance that afforded them a relatively nice apartment and their groceries more often than not.
But, Rouge liked to keep herself busy and found plenty of value in her current work as an archeologist. Unfortunately, those people evidently didn’t believe in holidays. Normally she got time off; not this year it would seem. It was a shame, but he at least had one friend he could rely on. He glances over at Omega who was pretending to be drinking from an empty mug.
“Affirmative. My directive is key at this moment.” His ears droop uncontrollably. Rouge coos at him and places his black coffee and eggs in front of him with a ruffle to his quills.
“I’m sorry love, but you can still do our usual thing?” She shrugs before sighing. “Though, that stuff's only fun with people…” she turns a sly smile towards him and he scowls, already knowing where this was going.
And, while he didn’t like to turn to Sonic or any of his friends for any reason whatsoever, he would, just this once.
He didn’t trust himself alone this time of year. He’d been left alone one year and he really would not want a repeat of that.
So, reluctantly, he bundled himself up under the scarf Rouge gave him and a heavy leather jacket onto his motorcycle and drove out to the middle of nowhere to knock on the fellow hedgehog's door.
When the little fox opens the door he is taken aback slightly but stops himself from outright punching the poor kid. He and Tails never got along very well, but he was trying to be better.
“Is the faker around?” He asks with a slight scowl.
“Uh, sure, I’ll go get him.” The little fox turns around before looking back at him standing out in the cold. “You can come in, make yourself at home.”
He certainly wouldn’t as he didn’t plan on staying for long but he stomps the snow off his shoes and steps into the entryway.
There’s sounds of crashing from somewhere within the house before a blue light zips its way over to him.
“Hey Shads!” The blue ball of energy says to him. His glare deepens at the mere presence of the other hedgehog. “Are you finally gonna get a phone so I can send you memes?”
“Absolutely not,” he crosses his arms and leans against the wall. “I’ve come to ask a favour.”
“Ohoho! Finally!” Sonic cracks his knuckles and slings an arm around Shadows shoulders. “So, what’ll it be?”
He regrets ever even thinking it would be a good idea to come here and has to stew on his words before spitting them out like rotten fruit. “I need you to come to my apartment and spend Christmas with me. Without any fanfare. And follow a very particular schedule.” Sonic’s face droops at the words before a sheepish grin settles in its place.
“Ehe, sorry buddy, but Tails and I always spend the holidays together. We already have plans set out to make some challah and go see Knuckles.” He feels his own face droop, just a bit. Just because he needed to have someone with him. He needed anyone at this point.
“What about Amy? She’s more tolerable than most of you.”
“She’s gonna be coming with us… But! One sec…” Sonic pulls out his phone and scrolls through it a bit, reading out some text quietly before his whole face lights up.
Shadow wants to stop him before he even opens his mouth to deny any offer the hedgehog was about to suggest but he is already speaking.
“Why not spend some time with Vanilla and Cream? They’re going out to a ski lodge for a bit and they don’t really like Christmas either.” He watches the tap something out his phone and resists the urge to slap it out of his hands. “They’re Grinches like you! But much less grouchy.”
“I am not going anywhere, I just need someone to stay at my apartment with me!” He steps forward, fully intending to actually slap the phone out of his hands but it is raised high above his head as Sonic seemingly presses send on whatever message he had been frantically typing.
“Too late bud, you’re going!” He held his phone up to Shadow. For him to read.
He leans down and does just that.
Of course he can come! Cream will be happy to see him again, we certainly won’t mind the company! Was what Vanilla said to which Sonic replied with a thumbs up and winking emoji.
“I am not going anywhere!” He reiterates, deciding then and there that he never should have come here. He didn’t like the thought of going to some fancy lodge to no doubt do anything but what he wanted to, which was not much. Maybe he could try and cancel and simply do his little traditions alone. Rouge and Omega should only be gone for a week or so, it would be fine. He could make it through alone. “Tell them I’m cancelling.”
“Listen, Buddy, I already told them you’d be going. It’s only for a week, what’s the worst that could happen?”
Maybe Shadow would actually get himself a phone so that Sonic couldn’t pull something like this again. He was about a second away from strangling the other right here and now. Plenty. Plenty of things could go wrong in such a short time frame. He knew personally it only took a minute for things to go south and he didn’t want the rabbit family to get caught up in anything.
He tells Rouge about the plans over dinner that night after he helped her pack half her closet. She thinks it is a wonderful idea and a good opportunity for him to socialize more with people. He reluctantly agrees and spends the night packing for himself.
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
A few days after, the week of Christmas arrives and with it Shadow places his bags on his motorcycle and drives slower than normal down icy roads until he is far outside the city and deep within the mountains. Rouge and Sonic had conversed with Vanilla to agree upon a date and where they were to meet up and what they would be doing. It was a rather loaded schedule but it would work out well for Shadow so long as he didn’t have to think too much during it.
Arriving at the ski lodge was something very new to him. The main building was large and people streamed steadily in and out, decked out in warm winter clothes, most of them carrying skis and snowboards. There's a hefty dusting of snow on the roof and beneath his feet as he kicks the stand down and properly parks his bike.
He waits for them patiently in the lobby of the main building, even checking in with the front desk. He had gotten there so early that he was able to get their keys.
The initial plan was for them to stay in a room of the lodge since it would be cheaper but Shadow somehow managed to convince Vanilla to let him pay for one of the cabins they offered. He had more spending money than normally around this time of year and wanted to spend it towards this trip if he was going to be stuck here. It may as well be in a nicer place.
He gets a drink at the bar before the rabbits arrive. It warms him decently enough. And, it helps him to not think about the whispers surrounding him.
Before long Vanilla and Cream are walking through the front door looking rather put together in their matching pink winter coats buttoned all the way up and scarves on both of them, Cream's ears tucked under a knitted hat with a pompom on top while Vanilla lets her ears hang freely.
Cream is excited to see him apparently and rushes up without fear along with Cheese who floats after her. She attaches herself to his legs and jumps up and down excitedly.
“Shadow!” She begins tugging on his hands as Cheese floats around him. “I’m so happy you’re joining us!”
“It’s all she could talk about recently,” Vanilla says as she approaches them, a gentle smile on her face.
“I’m sorry to intrude like this, miss. Holidays… aren’t for me.” He says, pointedly avoiding the real reason by looking down at Creme, as she begins swinging his arms side to side. A small smile tugs at his lips.
“Oh, it’s no trouble at all! And there’s no need for the ‘miss’, just Vanilla is fine!”
“C’mon, c’mon let's go to the cabin!” Cream tells the two of them, tugging Shadow along before leaving him in order to run ahead. Vanilla warns her not to go too far or slip before turning to him.
“And trust me, they aren’t for us either. We have our own ways of celebrating, just tell us what you like to do and we can try to make it happen.” She walks a little faster in order to catch up with Cream and Shadow sighs to himself. This was no doubt going to be a very long trip.
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
The day after they have settled into the rather spacious and fancy cabin they are set to go skating on the lake just outside the lodge as the first of their little activities. He’d never been skating before but he figures it won’t be too hard considering he was quite good at floating on his air shoes and he can’t imagine the ice would be much different.
They rent him a pair of skates then walk to the rink where plenty of families are already on the ice.
He gets his own skates on while Cream excitedly chats to him about things she learned at school and asking him questions about his own work. There isn’t much for him to talk about, his part time job as a barista had been relatively uneventful. He mostly got it as something to pass the time, fill up the lonely hours of the day with something. And he had made a few good acquaintances there. He spends a good few minutes helping to lace up Cream's skates once he is done with his, ensuring they weren’t too tight or loose before he takes her hands and helps her to stand.
The skates feel odd at first, something he would need to get used to no doubt. It was rather different walking in them than his shoes. He may have tightened them a bit too much as well.
Being on the ice is quite different to his air shoes and the second he is on them he almost falls instantly. There’s a lot less control involved here and he doesn’t like it at first, taking very small steps in his skates as Cream holds his hand as she glides along slowly. Vanilla is holding Creams other hand as the three of them glide gently along the ice.
Cream is a much better skater than him and it’s a bit embarrassing for him to admit he was mostly holding her hand to keep himself up rather than the other way around.
“Are you going to be alright, Shadow?” Vanilla asks at some point, after he’s gotten a bit more of a rhythm to his steps. He makes a point to try and avoid falling as much as he can. “We could take a break if you want, they’ve got hot chocolate.”
“I’ll be okay,” he tells the older woman, looking up from the ground for once and almost being blinded by the bright snow. “Just, not used to it.”
“It’s okay mom, I can stay and help him!” Cream offers with a smile more blinding than the snow. She slowly skates a bit faster, dragging Shadow along behind her. Her mother nods and pats her on the head as she skates towards the edge to take a seat on one of the benches.
True to her word, Cream keeps holding his hand as they skate gently on the ice, the freezing air making him shiver and burrow a little deeper into his scarf.
By the end of the day, with a few breaks for food and resting their feet, he’s gotten the hang of skating and has also been frozen to the bone.
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
Shadow never liked hot chocolate before. He was a much bigger coffee fan even before and he didn’t think anything would change. It was really sweet and thick which is why he assumes Maria loved it.
The second day they stayed in the cabin mostly, Cream reading him The Hobbit, a book Maria had read him once or twice as well. He thought that the fireplace kept the three of them warm enough but Vanilla insisted on making them all some hot chocolate to keep up the mood of the day.
“Trust me, she makes the best hot cocoa!” Cream had told him before returning to telling him about the spiders and how the brave protagonist tricked them to save his friends.
He sits silently listening to her read with a small smile on his face, looking out the sliding glass door at the snow falling down and adding to the already excessive piles outside.
“I know you don’t like sweet things very much, but trust me, I think you’ll enjoy this.” Vanilla tells him as she hands him a mug of steaming hot chocolate. He thanks her as she places another mug next to Cream who was dramatically reading out and acting out the way that Bilbo had saved his friends from the dungeons. Her mother lets out all the gasps and ‘whoop’s in all the right places as Shadow takes a sip of his drink.
He stills the second that it hits his mouth and barely thinks to swallow and let the warmth settle deep in his chest.
It was good. Really good. Not as sweet as he imagines—maybe she used dark chocolate?—and there's a faint hint of coffee in it. He begins to pay more attention to the story as he sips his drink every so often, Cheese settles in his lap while Cream reaches the end of the book as outside big flakes of snow drift down slowly.
He thinks Maria would have loved this.
He certainly did…
Maybe hot chocolate wasn’t so bad.
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
He never took Cream to be a fan of video games, though, perhaps her time spent around Sonic changed that. Either way she sets up her console on the third day in the cabin and hands both he and her mother a controller.
Shadow wasn’t very good at the racing game she chose but he likes seeing her so happy every time she wins and the way she cheers on Shadow whenever he bumps into walls. She is a good sport about losing too and even gives him a high five when he eventually beats her on one track.
Vanilla is shockingly good at them. Casually beating both her daughter and Shadow on several levels and Cream pokes fun at her mother for having more experience than she or Shadow.
He finds himself laughing by the end of the game as they all bundle up to go back to the rink and burn off some energy.
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
Nightmares were normal for him by now. But, that didn’t mean they ever got any easier. It didn’t mean that he didn’t still feel terrified after a particularly bad one, or that waking up he didn’t cower into a corner. It didn’t mean that he didn’t have to sit there for a good hour or so reminding himself how to breathe and where he was. It didn’t mean he didn’t make noise while scrambling out of the suffocating blankets and tripping over his own feet in a desperate attempt to get away from everything.
Rouge knew how to handle him by now, she knew to stand off to the side or better yet kneel beside him to keep an eye on him and gently speak to him when he asked questions. She knew to mostly keep quiet for him, to stay near enough to see but not touch. Never touch until he reached out first.
Neither Cream nor Vanilla knew what to do.
She must have woken up from him tumbling out of bed or maybe was getting herself a glass of water. Either way, she was awake and clearly concerned enough to check on him and make sure he was alright.
Either way, she walks into the room, rubbing sleep from her eyes as Cheese follows behind her happily. He doesn’t hear her saying anything, just sees her walking towards him. He knows he needs to tell her to stay back, to stay away from him right now but he can’t make his mouth move to form any words. He’s still blinking away the scientists and soldiers from his vision.
There’s a hand on his head and he reacts. It’s instinct.
There’s a dull thud of something hitting the floor and with it his mind seems to snap back into focus.
Cream is laying on her side and holding her head, she’s trembling when she looks up at him.
His eyes widen when he realises he hurt her.
He hurt her.
Vanilla rushes into the room shortly after and Cream struggles to her feet and rushes over to her mother who takes her into her arms easily. She looks at Shadow briefly before looking over her crying child for any major injuries.
“You…” He tries to say but his throat and mouth feel like he’s swallowed a bucket's worth of sand. He swallows as best he can and tries again. “I’m sorry, are you-?” If she wasn’t hurt physically no doubt she was hurt emotionally. His dreams always did that to people he cared about. It was a long time of trial and error to get Rouge to the point she knew what to do.
“Shadow,” Vanilla sounds rushed and just a bit fearful. “I need to take care of Cream, we will talk later.”
He doesn’t move as Cream is ushered out of the room, glancing back with a tear stained face as Cheese pushes her out and away from the clear threat he was right now.
It’s snowing outside when he finds the strength to stand and walk to the sliding door. The porch is mostly clear as the big flakes float down freely. It’s cold too. He sits outside with his jacket on and feet dangling down from the porch as he waits for… something to happen. Maybe for him to get kicked out for the rest of the week. He expects that when Vanilla steps out onto the porch to sit beside him.
“I’m sorry for that, is… is Cream alright?” She looks over at him with concern as a few flakes fly into her face.
“Honestly, I’m more worried about you.” She mumbles with a soft laugh. She shakes her head as his concern for the younger rabbit grows. It was dark outside, but not pitch black. A sort of awkward between stage where the light is reflected from both sky and snow below. It’s grey. “Yes, she’s fine. She was just a bit scared but she settled in her room with Cheese and some cocoa.”
That’s all he needed to know.
“Shadow, you know you can talk to me, right?”
He sort of wants to snap at her that he doesn’t need to even if his therapist would recommend it. He turns his head to the side instead. “I don’t need pity.”
Vanilla sighs, he can practically feel the way she slaps a palm to her face. “No. But I think you might need a friend.”
He doesn’t say anything to that. He doesn’t want to think about the subtle implications behind those words. He feels her hand hover above his shoulder for a moment before he pushes his body into it slightly.
“You know, Shadow, we have never felt unsafe around you. Me or Cream. I am never scared to leave her with you because I know that you would never hurt her intentionally.”
“But I did.”
“Not intentionally.”
He couldn’t argue with that, she was right about that at least. She lets him go and stands slowly.
“I’ll go make some coffee, it’s early but we may as well get the day started.” She says then walks into the cabin, leaving the sliding door open. He sits there for a while as she prepares the coffee and makes breakfast.
(When he stands and finally walks inside to put his coat away and get himself some breakfast Cream looks at him with a bit of concern.
She apologizes and so does he and they move on with their lives.)
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
The day of Christmas eventually arrives and it's… not what he was expecting. No one among them wakes early to unwrap presents or start playing Christmas music or have a big breakfast. There’s no lights hung up suddenly, no tree and no presents under that tree.
It’s quiet. Something he thinks he needs right now.
It’s snowing. He thinks about Maria. He thinks she would love this. He thinks he does as well.
He wakes up first and makes himself a coffee as usual, keeping the pot warm in case Vanilla wants some when she wakes up. He sits on the couch to watch the snow fall slowly with his head resting in his arms and his cup resting in his lap.
Vanilla does wake up next and pours herself a big mug of coffee, wandering over to the couch to sit beside Shadow. She’s still in her pyjamas with a housecoat over them.
It’s early.
“Do you mind if I put on some music?” She asks once she’s about halfway through her mug.
He wants to say no. That he would prefer the silence to any sort of Christmas music. But he was a guest here and he should be polite
“Do as you wish.” She laughs and turns on her phone and attaches it to a speaker.
She doesn’t play any Christmas music. Just plays some classical music with the occasional jazz song. He liked jazz.
He helps her cook today and while they are placing their waffles on the table Cream trods out of her room with Cheese in tow rubbing her eyes with a yawn.
“We didn’t really have anything planned for today so did you have anything you wanted to do?” Vanilla asks as she serves the three of them, giving Cream a very watered down coffee with frankly too much milk and sugar by that point it isn’t coffee. She bounces in her seat though as she sips it.
“I don’t have many ideas. I normally watch movies all day with my… friends.” There wasn’t anything else he could call Rouge and Omega. That’s what they were to him and though it’s odd to admit it feels right. “Sometimes we would bake cookies or something but more often than not we just made dumplings and called it a day.”
Vanilla smiles at him gently.
“That sounds lovely.”
They take the time to clean the dishes together then Vanilla turns on the television and puts on some animated movie about people who can turn into wolves. Shadow doesn’t really pay too much attention, splitting it between catching a glimpse of the movie and helping Cream mixing and cutting cookies out.
Once they are baking they make mochi and he tries to make eggnog from a recipe he saw once. (Vanilla finds a proper recipe and corrects him occasionally).
By the time they’ve finished three movies everything is done and they settle on the couch after making sandwiches for dinner.
Cream insists they watch Princess Mononoke as they eat and drink eggnog.
It’s so close to what Shadow knows is a typical Christmas Day yet so different at the same time. There’s still no lights or tree, no surprise gifts and no fancy dinner.
It’s pleasant.
The cookies are good if a bit ugly with the icing, the mochi is chewy and the eggnog is smooth. It doesn’t make him think of what he once had, of what could be. It simply makes him think about now and how happy he is to be here. How grateful he is to be free and surrounded by four warm walls and not the cool metallic prison he once knew. He is here, eating food and watching a stunning movie and listening to Cream as she tells him about a book she wants to read that everyone in school was talking about.
He is content and is comfortable enough in the safety of Vanilla and Cream to drift off as they put another movie on.
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
The next day is a bit harder for him.
Vanilla and Cream both pull out gifts and he feels bad for not getting anything for them as Vanilla hands him a gift bag with a smile.
“We don’t do gifts, not in the traditional way at least.” Vanilla tells him as he looks into it. “This is one of my old… well, you’ll see.”
There’s a little black box inside, tied with a red ribbon.
He carefully unties it and opens the box.
Inside is a porcelain doll with blonde hair and a frilly blue dress resting on a bed of red velvet.
“We give away old things we don’t need anymore.” Vanilla explains as Cream hands her mother her own gift and Vanilla hands one to her in return. “I heard about your old friend, and Annabelle here was always one of my favourite dolls but I thought you might like her.”
He does. He likes this idea of gift giving, giving something old away rather than hoarding new things that would only be used for a year. He carefully takes Annabelle out of her box to further examine her.
He doesn’t cry looking at her but his chest feels tight.
He glances up at Vanilla and says, “thank you.”
He can’t let the two of them go without anything in return, he would feel awful about that, so he walks over to where their coats and hats are hanging and pulls down his scarf and grabs his leather gloves. He hands the yellow scarf to Cream. It was a gift from Rouge one year that he liked well enough even if it was a horrid colour. The gloves he had gotten himself that he wore until they were soft and he handed them over to Vanilla. “I hope this is adequate. I didn’t know you did gifts like this.” Cream's eyes light up as she takes her gift and Vanilla smiles softly at him as she takes her own gift.
“Whoa! It’s so soft!” Cream exclaims as she wraps it around herself and twirls. “I love it!” She tells him as she prances around the room gleefully.
He is glad she does.
They go out sledding that day and it's nice to see Cream so happy.
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
Shadow leaves early once their trip is over. He lets Cream and Vanilla have one final breakfast with them then pats Cream on the head and leaves after thanking them for everything they did.
The walk back to his motorcycle is long and it’s cold without his scarf to protect him. His breath wafts away from him in thick plumes of fog. He keeps his bag with the black box close, taking care to put it away in a safe place so the precious gift wouldn’t break.
The ride alone is nice and peaceful as he blasts his music from the speakers in his helmet the entire time.
The apartment is quiet when he returns home and makes a place for the porcelain doll on their bookshelf in the living room. She sits high enough to see everything but low enough she won’t break in case she falls.
He orders out that night, enjoying the night alone he had watching Sleeping Beauty on the couch while he eats.
He gets himself a phone once the holidays are over and asks Rouge for everyone’s number. Vanilla included.
They make plans to do it again next year with Rouge and Omega this time.