Work Text:
Today 0217
Lix
hyung when you wake up
can you check in on seungmin
for me
i miss him
…isn’t it two in the morning there
mate
why did you read this message
Me
I’m headed back to the dorm swear lol
Stayed up with Changbin to work
Lix
go to sleep silly
Me
I’ll try
And I’ll look after the puppy for you don’t worry your pretty little head about it
Lix
ack
cheesy
but thank you chris
he might be in your dorm
told him to go hang with our baby
anyway
gotta go
hehe
linohyung wants to make out
Me
…Alright
Have fun? I love you
Lix
love youuu
Chan isn’t all too surprised, then, to see Seungmin in their kitchen when he wakes up later that morning and stumbles out of his room. The smell of coffee is strong in the air and Seungmin is in the middle of pouring two cups out. Jeongin is nowhere to be found—maybe still sleeping, but whenever they’re together they always seem to fall asleep and wake up at the same time. When Seungmin hears footsteps down the hall he turns to Chan and blinks sleepily at him. His face is mostly obscured by the hood of sweatshirt tossed over his head with the strings pulled taut. “Good morning, hyung. When did you get home?”
“You probably don’t wanna know,” Chan laughs. He pats Seungmin’s head and then drags him into a hug, and in true Seungmin fashion he huffs in exasperation but lets Chan drape himself all over him. He’s warm, smells good, a hint of vanilla underneath the wafting scent of coffee. A surprisingly comforting presence after a night of hard work. “Making coffee for you and Iyen-ah? What a sweetheart you are.”
Seungmin huffs again. “Ew. Stop that.”
“But you’re so cute,” Chan coos. He reaches out to pinch Seungmin’s cheek which officially earns him Seungmin’s departure from letting Chan give him any sort of affection. He pushes him away and turns back to the cups while Chan laughs at him.
“Felix told me to check in on you, actually,” Chan says after a moment, leaning back against the counter. “He said you were hanging out with the maknae but he misses you.”
Seungmin scoffs. “He could’ve texted me back, maybe.” A pause. “I do miss him, though.”
Chan makes a noise that sounds like uwaaaa!!, and Seungmin seems to absolutely hate it if the way he hisses is any indication. “You two are so fucking cute.”
“Whatever,” Seungmin mutters. “Do you want tea?”
Oh, Chan absolutely wants to melt into a puddle. “Yes, puppy. Thank you in advance.”
Seungmin grumbles to himself as Chan sits at the countertop.
It isn’t long before he hears the bathroom running, and by the time Seungmin’s sliding a cup over to Chan Jeongin’s padding down the hallway, hair wet from a quick shower. That’s the first thing Chan notices. The second is the frankly terrifyingly large hickey right over one of his collarbones. He has a loose tank top on and Chan traces his eyes over the other hickeys he starts noticing once his brain comes somewhat back online, a constellation of what had to be Seungmin’s teeth against his skin. They’re all too fresh to be anything else.
“Good morning, hyung,” Jeongin greets cheerfully as he slides into the seat next to Chan. Seungmin wordlessly hands him his cup and Jeongin says, “Thanks, puppy.”
Chan takes a moment to find his words, glancing between the two of them. Seungmin’s cheeks are tinted a sweet pink and he refuses to meet his eyes. “Do we have any schedules today?” He finds himself asking.
Jeongin raises an eyebrow. “I sure hope we don’t.”
“We don’t,” Seungmin says, a little sharp. “Obviously.”
“Okay.” Chan nods slowly. “It’s just that you look mauled, Innie.”
“You should see Seungmin,” Jeongin responds.
Chan swivels his head over to Seungmin, who covers his face with an adorable sweater paw and groans. “What is your issue? Jesus.”
Jeongin laughs and drinks his coffee.
The thing is, this should objectively speaking be completely normal. They’ve all been doing this for years. It’s just—Chan doesn’t usually see these two so blatant with each other. They like to be quieter about what they’re up to together. Chan rarely even hears about their outings despite how often they hang out. Something about this feels almost scandalous.
Fuck, he’s blushing, he can tell. They’re both staring at the general space by his head where his ears sit.
“S-sorry,” he stutters. “I’m making this weird.”
“Yes you are,” Jeongin agrees. “But it’s fine. Seungmin hyung came here because Lix hyung told him to, so we watched a couple movies thinking you were going to come home at a normal time.” Here, his gaze sharpens a little, and Chan swallows. “Which, of course, you didn’t, so then we went to my room and got drunk.”
“And did stuff,” Seungmin supplies, which is super helpful.
Jeongin snorts. “Wow. Did we really?”
Seungmin rolls his eyes and smiles. Chan is trying so fucking hard to keep up with the normalcy but every time he’s about to fully recalibrate he catches the marks all over Jeongin again and feels strangely faint. “You two are ridiculous,” he manages. “Should be more careful. We might not have schedules today but we will tomorrow. You both know that.”
“Foundation is a man’s best friend,” Jeongin says sagely, but he nods. “We’ll be more careful next time, hyung.”
Eventually Seungmin leaves with plans to eat breakfast with Jisung, and before he goes he leans down to place a chaste kiss to Jeongin’s forehead. “Cute maknae,” he says fondly. A smile blooms across Jeongin’s face.
“Cute puppy hyung. Go have fun.”
“Come kiss me too, baby,” Chan whines over-exaggeratedly, and Seungmin rolls his eyes but pads over to kiss his cheek. “See you later, Seungminnie.”
Once the door is shut the dorm is completely silent. Chan’s used to comfortable silence between the two of them but he can tell he’s making it awkward, because Jeongin’s fidgeting on the couch with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and effectively hiding the marks on his neck.
“Baby,” he starts carefully. Jeongin gives him an expectant look. “Sorry I was kind of weird about everything. Sometimes I just—forget.”
“That Seungmin hyung and I do things together sometimes?” Jeongin asks, squinting.
Chan blushes again. “I mean, yeah.”
“We’ve all been doing things together,” Jeongin points out, like Chan is stupid. “For years.”
“I know that. I just mean—” Chan sighs. “I feel like I rarely actually hear about the two of you. So sometimes I forget. Does that make sense?”
Jeongin shrugs. “I guess.”
“I just don’t want it to be awkward,” he presses.
“It doesn’t have to be,” Jeongin says, glancing back down at his phone. He’s always been so simple. Chan both admires and viscerally envies him. “But you’re right about the marks. They’re only gonna look worse tomorrow, that was pretty stupid of us. But to be honest I think he was trying to eat me alive the entire night.”
Be Normal About This, Chan’s brain tells his sympathetic nervous system. “Right,” he says, then coughs. “He does that. Puppy for a reason, and all.”
Jeongin snorts. “Puppy just missed Yongbok hyung and wanted dick. Those are two dangerous emotions to experience at the same time, apparently.”
Chan stares at the side of Jeongin’s head. His nervous system is most definitely not listening to his brain right now. “Mhm.”
“And Hyunjin hyung wants to hang out later, too,” Jeongin sighs. He kind of seems like he’s talking to himself at this point. “He’s gonna chafe my dick off.”
Chan squeaks.
The noise catches Jeongin’s attention immediately. He turns to stare at Chan again, and God, he has the most beautiful eyes in the world and Chan loves him so much but he most definitely does not want his sharp gaze turned in his direction right now.
“What, hyung? Did you forget I fool around with him, too?”
“No! No,” Chan rushes to say. “I—sorry, Iyen-ie, I’m so sorry. I’m being so weird right now.”
“I wonder why,” Jeongin says.
That takes his brain a moment to comprehend. “Huh?”
Jeongin smiles at him but it seems a little exasperated. For some reason Chan gets the sense he’s disappointing him right now, and he doesn’t like how it’s making him feel. “I said, I wonder why you’re being weird. Are you always this awkward about this stuff, hyung? Or is it just me?”
Chan is quickly realizing this is most definitely a Jeongin-related issue and the knowledge is kind of bowling him over right now. He doesn’t know what to say. He must take a moment too long to reply because Jeongin does that thing where he physically disengages from a conversation, standing up and dropping the blanket to the couch as he stretches. Chan has to look away. His eyes feel magnetized to the marks along his throat, the curve of muscle on his arms, the cut of his jawline. Oh, fuck.
“I’m going to go for a walk,” Jeongin says with a gentle smile. “And then I’ll probably be with Changbin hyung and Hyunjin hyung for the day. I’ll see you later, hyung.”
He doesn’t wait for a reply as he turns and walks to his room. Chan has to resist the urge to put his face in his hands and scream.
Later that day he goes to the studio again with Jisung, who dragged himself back out of bed at four in the afternoon after his brunch date with Seungmin and called Chan to ask if they wanted to work together. He brings in two boxes with him and gives one to Chan. “It’s cheesecake,” he explains. “Seungmo got them for us.”
“Thank you, honey,” Chan says, unbearably fond of the two of them. “Come here.”
He opens his arms and Jisung practically collapses into them, laughing when Chan makes a fake noise of pain. Chan kisses his cheeks, and then his nose, and then his lips, and Jisung lets him before he cups his face into his hands and presses a deeper kiss to his mouth, tilting his head for better access. They kiss like that for an undefinable amount of time, and Chan is about to let them get completely carried away when Jisung pulls back with an apologetic smile and says, “Love your mouth, hyung. But not gonna lie, I actually did want to get work done today...”
Chan laughs. “Okay, baby. Let’s be productive.”
They work in tandem for several hours. Jisung is always easy to work with—he gets his lyrics done quickly and remains attentive to any constructive criticism, and whenever he gets distracted is when Chan doesn’t feel like working anymore anyway, so then they sit back and chat and eat their cheesecake together.
He has a burning question at the tip of his tongue the entire time Jisung rambles about the movie he’d watched with Hyunjin and Changbin last night. But every time he thinks about asking it he feels almost sick with a strange anxiety he hasn’t felt in a while when it comes to the relationships they all have with each other.
Jisung catches on like he always does, pausing in the middle of a sentence to give Chan a disconcerted frown. His cheeks are still stuffed full with food so he almost can’t take him seriously. “Are you okay, hyung? You look constipated.”
Chan manages a smile. “I’m fine.”
“I don’t think you are,” Jisung says plainly. He raises an eyebrow. “Did something happen? Are you having Minho hyung and Lix withdrawals?”
He pauses. “Well, yeah, actually, I do miss them. But that isn’t the issue.” Oh, shit. “...Not that there are any issues.”
Jisung huffs out a laugh. “God, you’re a terrible liar. Talk to me, hyung, or I’ll call Changbin hyung and make him come here so we can bully you into talking.”
Chan whines, dragging a hand over his face. “You’re so… look. I don’t… I. Okay. I just really need to ask you something but it’s embarrassing and maybe a little TMI.”
“Go ahead,” Jisung prompts. “I love everything embarrassing and TMI, you know that.”
He does. That’s probably why Jisung is the only person Chan could talk to about this right now. Maybe Felix, too, but Chan wouldn’t want to stress him out more than he already must be overseas.
Anxiety hums through him anyway as sets his fork back in the box and takes his beanie off to run a hand through his hair. “I’m just curious. Do you… how regularly are you with Innie?”
Jisung shrugs, chews his food as he thinks about it. “Hmm. Depends on the context? Do you mean how often we hang out? ‘Cause that feels pretty intermittent. He really likes hanging out with Yongbok and Seungmo these days.”
God, isn’t Chan aware of that after this morning. “Yeah, that’s true. But I meant, like…” His breath randomly leaves him and he has to pause to inhale. “How often are you with him… sexually?”
Jisung’s eyes widen imperceptibly, but the sight of it is enough to have shame crawling all over him. He’s about to apologize profusely when Jisung tilts his head to the side and says, “Not super often? Huh, I haven’t thought about it a lot. But I think it’s because Innie is such a romantic about everything, and the other day Hyunjin and I were talking and he described me as a fan of ‘hit-and-run quickies’, which to be honest made me feel like a whore for a little bit but he isn’t wrong. So I feel like the baby and I never actually have matching libidos. I fall asleep in his arms more than we actually hook up, I think.”
Chan is pretty sure he hasn’t processed a single word Jisung’s just said. “Wait, did what Hyunjin say genuinely upset you?”
Jisung scoffs. “Of course not! Hyunjin’s too cute to be insulting.”
“Okay, good. I… yeah. That’s interesting.” Such a romantic. That’s something Chan feels so normal about right now.
“Did something happen between you guys?” Jisung asks.
Chan sighs. “Nothing happened, baby. I’m just realizing some things.”
Jisung scoots closer to him on his rolling chair, cheesecake completely forgotten. “Can I ask you something, actually? Have you ever been with him at all? I just assumed you have because, well, we all have. But you’re making it sound like you haven’t.”
Chan’s face is about to light on fire. “We’ve… done some things.”
By some things he means a couple of heated makeout sessions that Chan had backed out of too early to go any further, and also that one time they’d been drunk after a group outing. Jeongin had dropped unceremoniously to his knees in the entryway of their dorm and sucked his dick until Chan came down his throat in an embarrassingly short amount of time. The next morning Jeongin had made him breakfast with one of those gentle fox-like smiles of his and they didn’t discuss it. That was less than a week after they moved into their new dorm together, around a month and a half ago, and Chan still has to fight off the mindless arousal that creeps over him when the mental image of Jeongin on his knees flashes through his mind. He also has to fight off a wave of crushing anxiety but that’s neither here nor there.
“But you’ve never gone all the way,” Jisung helpfully supplies into the silence of the studio.
Chan swallows. “Yeah.”
Jisung hums. His cheeks are a little pink but he seems frankly too excited about the conversation at hand in a way that tells Chan he’s going to be thinking about this for a long time. “Isn’t he the only member you haven’t gone all the way with, then?”
“He is,” Chan says honestly.
“Have you thought about it?”
This is starting to feel like a therapy session. “Hannie, baby…”
“Ugh.” Jisung rolls his eyes. “Hyung, don’t get on your high horse about how I shouldn’t worry about your problems, or whatever. I’m asking because I’m genuinely curious and even if you’re embarrassed I want to know.”
He wants to curl up in a ball and hide. “Okay. I… yes, I have thought about it.”
Maybe a little too extensively. The truth is he likes flirting with all of them on and off camera but as playful as he is with Jeongin, he always feels like there’s a barely-there wall between them. He thinks about how long they’ve known each other and has to push down the residual guilt that sparks itself back to life because Jeongin is an adult now and knows how to take care of himself and his needs. But despite the guilt, has he thought about it? Having sex with him? Yeah. He has.
Jisung looks lost in thought for a moment before he says, a little heady, “Wow, that’s really hot.”
Chan groans. His ears are on fire. “Baby.”
“Sorry,” he squeaks. “I just… woah. You guys would look good together. But there is one problem. You guys are both, like, the resident tops of the group. Who’s gonna take it up the ass?” Chan’s expression must be downright concerning because Jisung laughs awkwardly and adds, “Oh my god. Sorry, that was so crass.”
Chan’s brain feels like it’s fizzling out again. Jisung’s essentially just confirmed what he’d been suspecting about Jeongin and the role he takes with the other members, and the knowledge is absolutely going to make him spiral. “Resident tops?” He finds himself repeating. His own voice sounds faint with the blood rushing through his ears.
Jisung nods like he isn’t blowing Chan’s brain apart right now. “Yeahhhh. You both default to, like, caretaker mode in most sexual situations. At least, from what I’ve seen. Which is really funny, actually—leader and maknae, doing the same thing.” He tilts his head to the side again and asks, “Hyung, wait. Have you ever bottomed at all?”
“No,” Chan chokes out.
“This is fascinating news,” Jisung says, awed. “Is it something you’ve ever wanted to try? Actually,” he continues, seemingly lost in thought again, “there was one day I was talking to Minho hyung and he was basically saying he thinks you only top out of obligation. I was mostly just surprised he’s never actually fucked you before.”
Minho likes to put a hand on Chan’s throat and ride him until he’s satisfied, actually. “I mean…” he says weakly. “That doesn’t mean he’s… not in charge, still.”
Jisung’s vision goes completely unfocused and he licks his lips. “That’s so hot. Wow.” Then he clears his throat. “Shit, I keep getting distracted. Um, what was I saying? Oh yeah! Basically, you should try it. I’m sure our baby would be down to show you a good time. That is, if you’re capable of communicating absolutely anything about this to him in a timely manner, which right now, doesn’t seem likely.”
Chan manages a weak glare at him that makes Jisung smile. “Don’t be an asshole. And who said I… was interested in that?”
Jisung laughs, and then pauses. His expression suddenly turns serious. He scoots even closer to him so that he can take Chan’s hand in his own, and he looks imploringly into his eyes as he says, “Hyung, I’ve never seen someone more in need of getting fucked than you. I truly, sincerely can’t believe it hasn’t happened yet.”
Oh, Chan’s going to go into cardiac arrest. “I think I feel nauseous.”
“I only tell the truth, baby.” Jisung brings Chan’s hand to his mouth and kisses the back of it, then lets go and rolls himself back with a smile. “I’m glad you trust me enough to tell me these things, by the way. Seungmo was telling me that you were acting a little weird after he and Innie hung out last night, so I was wondering if it had anything to do with the baby. It in fact just seems like you want the baby to fuck you.”
Chan is like ninety percent sure Jisung’s managed to come to this realization before Chan did. Now that he’s said out loud, though, he knows it’s the inherent truth—and fuck. Fuck.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” he says, covering his face with his hands.
“You’re so cute,” Jisung says, fond. “Can we get back to work, though? I just thought of some really good lyrics.” Chan peeks at him through his fingers and Jisung says, “No, it isn’t about your newfound desire to get railed into the mattress by the hot coworker you live with. Although that would be really funny.”
“Han Jisung,” Chan says, “I’m going to kill you in cold blood.”
Jisung giggles and makes a cute, unintelligible noise as he flashes a finger gun at him. “That’s hot.”
So here’s the thing—
When they all first started messing around, Chan had only really been open about things with Minho and Changbin. At the time he’d still experienced a deep sense of dread regarding Jisung and Felix, and the fact that they’d both so openly wanted him the way they’d already had some of the others at that point. Hyunjin was a different story as soon as Red Lights was put into motion. Seungmin he hadn’t really thought about much until later. Jeongin he hadn’t thought about at all.
For the most part the group manages their weird intricacies just fine. Jisung and Hyunjin had numerous bumps in the road—apparently getting over their mutual animosity and becoming best friends several years prior was not enough to curb the fact that they’re two of the worst overthinkers Chan’s ever seen, which he knows is saying a lot—and Minho and Changbin had taken an oddly long amount of time to acknowledge their weird feelings for each other despite actively hooking up with Chan in different intervals.
And he doesn’t pay attention to every single dynamic, just knows something’s up by the subtle changes over time—he knows Seungmin and Felix are closer than ever now that they occupy the same space, and even though Felix doesn’t like coffee Seungmin still dutifully makes something sweet for him every morning. He also knows Seungmin brings coffee to Minho and Jisung’s dorm, and sometimes Jisung seems to have a sweetness reserved for them only, even on his bad days. He knows Minho and Jisung spend almost every single one of their waking moments together, and then sleep in the same bed, too. He knows Changbin and Hyunjin balance each other out just right. That Seungmin fits between them perfectly like a puzzle piece, and that Felix has made himself fit over the years. That somewhere hovering around them sits Chan, and Jeongin, and Jeongin and Chan.
The resident tops of the group. Apparently. Jesus Christ.
Over the next few days he and Jeongin somehow manage to avoid each other. Jeongin’s known for hanging out with Seungmin and Felix all the time, and Chan spends so much time at the studio in the afternoons and evenings when their schedules are free that by the time he comes home Jeongin’s either asleep in his own room or he’s decided to sleep over at Seungmin and Felix’s dorm.
During their schedules after Minho and Felix come home they interact only minimally. If Chan didn’t know him so well Jeongin would seem like he’s acting completely normal—he’s polite, gentle but cautious. And yet he still takes care of Chan in those subtle ways he’s only noticing now, and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. Scratch that. His feelings on it are overwhelmingly positive, they’re just also extremely anxiety-inducing.
When they all go out for dinner one day, Felix corners him afterwards with downturned lips. The rest of the members are outside waiting for their rides but Chan is staying back so he can pay for everything. He’s already finished up when Felix slides into the booth across the table from him. In the low light of the restaurant, Felix looks almost ethereal even as he sounds disappointed as he says, in English, “Chris, are you avoiding Innie?”
Chan wants to fall into Felix for comfort immediately, but Felix has strengthened himself these days. Gone is the kind, passive sweetheart who would have let anyone lean on him for support even if he was upset at them too. These days Felix guides with a bit of a firmer hand, and it’s also comforting in its own way.
“I’m not really trying to,” he says honestly. “We just keep doing that thing where we’re, like, two ships passing in the night.”
“Mate, he’s definitely picking up on something,” Felix says. He gives him a serious look. “It’s not like Innie to get stressed about his interactions with others, you know that.”
Chan bites his lip against the crushing wave of guilt that hits him almost instantly. “He’s been stressed?”
Felix shrugs. “You know him best, don’t you? If there’s even the slightest issue he wants to work it out right away.”
He’s a lot like Felix, in that sense, and a lot different from Chan. And Felix is right. Chan probably does know him best. The thought makes his heart ache. “Did he tell you anything?” He asks, careful.
Felix reaches out and takes Chan’s hand in his own, rubbing gently over his knuckles. The point of contact tingles up his arm. “He hasn’t said anything to me, no, but Seungmin and I talked the other day when I got back. He was telling me he hasn’t seen a lot of you and that Innie’s been acting kind of weird. And then he told me about when he stayed over at your dorm one of the nights we were gone.”
Chan pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “Lix. I really didn’t mean to make this a weird mess. They did nothing wrong, I was just acting so fucking weird that morning and then I had a realization or two, and since then I haven’t seen Innie much at all so we just haven’t talked.”
“You haven’t made the effort to talk,” Felix corrects.
The comment feels kind of like a slap to the face but Chan refuses to let it bruise his ego. Felix is just trying to help, and he loves him so much for it. “Yeah,” he sighs. “I haven’t. But I will, swear.”
“Y’know… oh, I think our ride is here.” Felix moves to stand and the loss of contact is almost unbearable for a moment, but when Chan stands he magnetizes himself back to his side and links their arms together. Felix drops his voice to a whisper as he says, “If you’re interested in Innie you can just say that. We all are. And I mean… you’ve never been subtle, mate.”
Chan blushes. “Felix…”
“I’m just saying,” Felix states, but he’s smiling. “We all love each other. And that includes the fact that you love him and vice versa. Emphasis on the vice versa. That’s all I’ll say about this.”
The implications of that are nightmarish. Chan barely manages a faint, “Thanks, Lix. I really do love you.”
“My sweet, hardworking leader,” Felix says, quiet and fond in a way that makes Chan want to drop to his knees and cry in public. “Love you too.”
They walk out together to four separate cars to take them to their dorms, which Chan continues to think is somewhat unnecessary because they’re all less than a five-minute walk from each other. He says bye to Felix and climbs into the car to see Jeongin resting his head against the window. He’s so handsome. His hair looks different; he’d dyed it black and cut it for his upcoming fashion walk in Europe, and Chan can’t believe that’s a sentence he gets to construct in his head now. For a second, as he settles into his seat, he feels an unbearable amount of pride looking at him. Then he realizes they’re actually just making awkward eye contact and the expression on Jeongin’s face is unreadable.
“Hey, Iyen-ah,” Chan says, soft in the silence of the car. “Feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“It’s been a couple days,” Jeongin agrees. “I missed you.”
The comment hits him right in his weak spot, which for Jeongin is large and easily accessible. Chan blinks at him and wonders when he got so earnest. “I missed you too, baby. Sorry I’ve been so… busy.”
Jeongin smiles. “It’s okay. Can we talk when we get home?”
Chan nearly nods his head off. “Of course.”
The ride home is silent. Chan sneaks a couple of glances at Jeongin and finds him alternating staring aimlessly out the window and scrolling through his phone, but they don’t talk. By the time they roll up to their dorm his knee is bouncing anxiously, and the car feels a little too small for him, so he’s all too happy to get out and stretch.
Chan unlocks the door and Jeongin gently nudges him inside with a hand at the small of his back that Chan feels like a searing brand through several layers of clothes. He can actually feel his brain going offline in real time. It’s gone as quickly as it came, and he tries not to seem disappointed as he toes his shoes off and turns to Jeongin. “Do you wanna chat on the couch?”
“Sure,” Jeongin says. It’s still impossible to tell what he’s thinking. Maybe Chan doesn’t know him as well as Felix thinks he does after all.
Once they’re seated Jeongin gives him a long look and asks, “Hyung, are you avoiding me?”
Fuck. “I’m really not trying to,” Chan says. The words tumble out of his mouth with how fast he works to get them out. He needs Jeongin to understand—“I felt like I was being weird in the moment and then I swear, after that I just got busy and stressed. But I know it must have been a different picture for you, for that to have been the last time we really talked.” God, Chan would have had a mini-spiral about it if it was him in Jeongin’s spot.
Jeongin nods. “It just felt weird. Like you’d never thought about me having sex, despite us…” He squints at him. “You do remember that night, right?”
Remember is a weak word to describe what Chan's thought about at least once a night since it happened. He waters that response down and instead says, “Of course.”
“So it really doesn’t make sense.” Jeongin picks at the edges of his long sleeves. God, he looks so beautiful today, in just a sweater and jeans that Chan knows he spent so much time putting together down to the necklace and rings he’d put on. “Why were you being awkward? What bothered you?” Chan bites his lip, and then watches the first crack in Jeongin’s neutral expression—he frowns at him. “Talk to me, hyung. I just want to make sure there are no issues between us.”
Chan feels so fucking guilty. Here he is, making the hardworking dongsaeng he’s supposed to be taking care of essentially parent him into communication. What is he supposed to say? Well, it’s not that I’m bothered by you having sex. It’s that I’m really into it, and also I might’ve been a bit weird and asked one of your hyungs about things and he told me your sexual preferences and it’s making me want to try things with you even more.
No. Absolutely not.
“Iyen-ah,” he starts off instead. “There aren’t any genuine issues or conflicts between us. Trust me. I just… I think.” The nausea rears its head. Chan decides he needs to lock the fuck in. “I’ve been… thinking about you.”
Jeongin’s expression goes unreadable again. “Yeah?”
He swallows. “We never really talked about what we did that one night, and I think I had some guilt about it because you were drunk—” he holds a hand up to stop Jeongin right as he opens his mouth to argue. “Listen. I know we were both drunk. But it felt like something you wouldn’t have done if you were sober, you know? So I never wanted to push you on anything.”
Jeongin pauses for a moment, then says, “I think you missed the part where alcohol makes you more honest, hyung.”
Chan coughs and then nearly chokes on his spit. “I… okay. Um.”
“Did that make you speechless?” Jeongin smiles, then, warm and inviting, and Chan’s heart rate picks up significantly. “You’re so easy to tease, hyung. Look. I do want you. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, because you’re the only one I haven’t… been with, like that. That night wasn’t me, like, testing the waters to see if it would be good. I knew it would be good. Getting drunk just gave me the courage I needed to do what I wanted to you.”
To do what I wanted to you. Jesus Christ. Chan nearly loses his breath. “Okay. That’s good. There’s something else, though.”
“Go on,” Jeongin says gently.
“I don’t…” He tries to regulate his heart and fails. “I heard some things. And also made some assumptions. I don’t… I’ve never…”
Jeongin’s eyes soften. “Hyung, are you nervous about this? It’s okay if you don’t want to do anything.”
Chan suddenly sort of feels like he’s going to start tearing up or something worse. “Iyen-ah, baby… I do want this. So much. That’s not the problem. I just, uh…”
“We can take things slow,” Jeongin says, right as Chan says, “I’ve never actually bottomed before.”
They both stop and stare at each other. Chan chokes on his spit, for real this time, and Jeongin leans in to put a gentle hand on his shoulder as he coughs. “Can you repeat that?” Jeongin says once he’s caught his breath.
Chan whines and covers his face. “Please don’t.”
“Okay,” Jeongin says, patient. “So you’ve never… hyung, are you joking, or?”
“No,” Chan manages. “Never.”
“Wow. So you’re telling me,” Jeongin starts, slow with evidently still-present disbelief. “My god, hyung. This entire time you haven’t bottomed even once. With any of us. Or anyone, ever. After all these years.”
Chan is so embarrassed at this point he considers putting his head in a wall. “Well… I mean… w-why does it matter? It never did back then.”
A pause, and then Jeongin starts smiling one of those slow, evil smiles Chan swears he inherited from Minho. “Do you want me to be your first?”
Chan wants to collapse straight into his arms and hide there. He wants to run and never look at Jeongin again. He’s realizing, repeatedly over the past few days, that he wants this so bad it hurts. “I. Um. Y-yes? I think? Uhh.”
“Hyung’s so cute,” Jeongin says. He’s speaking softly the way he sometimes does to Seungmin and Jisung and Felix when he thinks no one is looking. The hand on his shoulder smoothes down his back, and then Jeongin scoots closer and Chan can feel the body heat radiating from him, and he can smell the cologne he’d worn to dinner, which smells like what Changbin likes to wear, the fresh kind of scent that has Hyunjin nosing into his neck like he’ll die if he doesn’t have him in his lungs 24/7. And God, right now Chan gets him so fucking bad. “Are you sure you want this?”
“Yeah,” Chan says. He has a feeling Jeongin is going to make him say it over and over. “I do. I really do.”
“Good.” There’s a pause before he continues, “I think you should understand, though. I like being a little romantic. I’d wanna wait until I come back from my trip, and I don’t want to rush things when we actually try. And if we have time we should go on a date, before or after.” He giggles and adds, “Or both.”
Oh, fuck it. They’re close enough in proximity at this point. Chan melts into Jeongin’s chest and feels Jeongin wrap his arm fully around him like he’s been waiting for Chan to give in. With his face buried in Jeongin’s chest—his broad, toned chest that he’s been working so hard on, fuck—Chan tries not to moan as he says, “Yeah, I want that.”
“Yeah?” Jeongin gently rubs his fingertips over the nape of his neck, then moves to the space behind one of his ears, and Chan really does make a cut-off noise at that. He can’t remember the last time someone—“You want me to take care of you, hyung?”
He wants that so fucking bad, even as guilt threatens to turn his stomach inside out. But there’s something about the steadiness of Jeongin’s entire being that tells him he doesn’t have to worry. “Don’t make me say it again,” he mumbles.
Jeongin snorts. “You know, hyung, it’s crazy anyone’s ever thought you were intimidating.”
Chan groans. “Shut up.” But intimidating is the last thing he’d want to be to any of them, and a part of him relaxes knowing it isn’t true.
Jeongin pets his head. They’re silent for a few minutes, and Chan relishes the close contact like he’ll never have it again. “You should probably go to bed soon, hyung,” he murmurs.
It’s like a bucket of ice water dumped over his head. Chan removes himself from Jeongin’s hold and sits up, dragging a hand over his face. “Fuck. What time is it?”
“One in the morning, I think.”
He has to be up in three hours for an obnoxiously early schedule. He sighs, unwilling to stand up right now and resisting the urge to fold himself back into Jeongin’s arms. “Should we talk about this more… later?” He manages.
“We’ll find time,” Jeongin says, plain and simple. Chan can almost believe it's that easy. He leans forward to kiss Chan’s cheek before he moves to stand. “But for now, you should probably rest.”
The day Jeongin rolls his meticulously packed bag to the door and tells Chan he’s leaving for his trip, he follows it up with a sweet, “Come here, hyung.”
Chan finds himself walking over before he even processes the words, too magnetized to Jeongin to do anything but listen.
Jeongin hasn’t put his coat on yet so when he pulls Chan in for a hug he gets nothing but his scent and the warmth of his body heat through their layers of clothes. It’s like Chan’s already being programmed to go completely mindless when Jeongin decides to touch him—he’s noticed it recently, the way Jeongin initiates more and more of their physical contact despite being one of the members apparently less interested in it. It makes Chan feel warm, childishly special.
“I’ll see you in a few days, hyung,” Jeongin says when he pulls away.
“Are you nervous?” Chan asks.
Jeongin nods. His hair flops against his forehead so cutely he almost melts on the spot. “Very. I was talking to Hyunjin hyung, though, and he really helped give me strength… I think I’ll be fine.”
“Aww, Iyen-ie,” Chan sighs, unbearably fond. His baby, going out into the world. And then coming home in a few days and giving Chan everything he never knew he needed. God, it’s so—“You make me feel a little crazy sometimes.”
Jeongin wrinkles his nose but he’s smiling that shy smile of his. “I won’t ask if that’s a compliment.”
He kisses him right before he goes. Chan expects something chaste and quick—Jeongin’s ride is already here—but instead he’s pulled into something deep and yearning and wanting, tilted heads and Jeongin up against the door and Chan palming at his waist almost needily. Jeongin’s the one to make them separate again, and Chan doesn’t miss the deep look of desire in his beautiful eyes.
“Love you, baby,” Chan says faintly as Jeongin leaves.
Jeongin smiles and waves goodbye.
“Our sexy baby maknae,” Hyunjin squeals when Jeongin shows up to dinner.
He’s the last one there—had to come home from the airport and get ready and leave right away, which they all thought was ridiculous but he insisted on showing up—and so he naturally gets smothered by the entire group. Changbin puts him in a headlock, Jisung ruffles his hair, Minho slaps his ass. This of course all occurs as the poor staff is attempting to get their menu, and as much as Chan wants to jump his bones right now because fuck, he looks good in his trenchcoat and glasses, he ignores the ache in his teeth to instead tell everyone to relax.
Once they’ve ordered and the server has shut the door to their private room all of the comments and questions start jumping out. Jeongin, despite actively cringing away from Hyunjin’s clear obsession with him at any given moment, still chooses to sit between him and Seungmin. On one side, Seungmin generally leaves him alone save for the occasional hand brushing over Jeongin’s knee. On the other, Hyunjin nuzzles into his throat and tangles their fingers together and slides a hot, heavy hand down his back. Chan can’t tell who’s being more clingy, actually.
“Hyunjin, just so you know,” Minho loudly announces, “you can’t have public sex at a restaurant.” A pause. “I mean, unless it’s with me. Innie gets a pass on that too.”
Hyunjin groans into Jeongin’s neck. Jeongin has a hand over his face as he goes bright red. Jisung frowns and asks, “Why don’t I get a pass too?”
Chan thinks, I fucking love these losers.
Dinner is a genuinely enjoyable affair. A part of Chan was concerned, maybe irrationally, that with moving out and separating even further than they already have, they’d start to see each other a little less. But they all put effort into hanging out both in groups and altogether. They practice all the time and rarely resist the urge to get something sweet afterwards. They’re on a world tour together right now, at the peak of their career. Chan has no idea what his previous anxiety was about.
After dinner is paid for—this time by Changbin, who initially was the one to suggest the bet and sulks about it even as he pulls his card out of his wallet—they clean up and leave together. Chan is about to drag Minho into conversation when there’s a tap on his shoulder. He turns to see Jeongin’s pretty eye smile, the rest of his face obscured by his mask.
“Hi, hyungie,” he says a little cutely, the way Felix does. Right behind him stands Felix himself, who pulls his own mask down to give him a kissy face. Chan melts on the spot like he always does with the two of them.
“Iyen-ie,” Chan says in a high-pitched voice, reaching out to pull him into a quick hug. “I missed you so much, baby, how was it?”
Jeongin laughs. “Weren’t you texting me ten thousand times a day?”
Chan keeps his arm slung around his shoulder and Jeongin doesn’t move away. He’s been doing that more and more recently and it makes something in him preen. “Yeah, but I didn’t get to see your beautiful face in front of me. The separation anxiety was awful.”
Minho, overhearing the conversation, snorts. “I still can’t believe hyung went on Bubble just to talk about missing his kittens or whatever he said while Yongbok and I were gone.”
“It was cute,” Felix defends.
“You’re just in love with him,” Minho states. “And is that all I am to you, hyung? A cat?”
Chan laughs as Changbin says, “It’s either that or you’re Satan himself, hyung.”
Minho squints. “Hmm. While Hyunjin’s in the air fryer I’m going to put you in the oven.”
“He’s still going on about the fucking air fryer?” Hyunjin asks, incredulous. Minho grabs Hyunjin’s wrist and pulls it towards him to bite, and Hyunjin shrieks.
When they get back to their dorms, Jeongin asks, almost politely, “Do you wanna go on a walk, hyung?”
Chan blinks at him. “Baby, I’d love to, but aren’t you tired? You just flew back.”
“I slept the entire flight,” Jeongin explains. “I don’t even remember entering the plane, that’s how tired I was. And to be honest I might already be a little jetlagged so I’d end up staying up late anyway.” He pauses like he’s holding his breath for a second before he says, “I want to spend some time with you.”
Is it normal for little statements like this to make every nerve in Chan’s body tingle? He isn’t sure. “...Let’s get into more comfortable clothes.”
They don’t actually do this super often, he’s realizing. If Chan hangs out with the members he usually always finds himself with Changbin or Jisung for obvious reasons, or Minho because Minho’s the only one who goes along with his impulsive desires to try new things. These days he's found that he also hangs out with Hyunjin more because he lives with Changbin now and the two are more inseparable than they’ve potentially ever been.
Jeongin tangles their fingers together intermittently as they walk and each point of contact makes Chan feel like he’s sort of forgetting how to breathe. “How was the dorm without me?” He asks lightly.
“I wouldn’t know,” Chan says. “I spent so much time at the studio. I ended up sleeping there one night while Changbin stayed up working and then he took me to breakfast the next morning, and after that I stayed over at their dorm until we had practice.”
He decides not to tell Jeongin about the fact that after he left for the airport Chan made the executive decision to text Jisung and ask for help. Jisung was over at his dorm within fifteen minutes and armed with a toy he’d stolen from Minho, or maybe it was his and Minho was the one who was keeping it, or whatever he’d been saying as Chan stared at the toy and tried not to throw up. He doesn’t even think he remembers everything that happened that evening. Jisung had left practically floating in the air with endorphins.
Jeongin is silent for a moment before he says, “Hyung, that’s so unhealthy.”
He laughs. “I know, baby. I would’ve rather done that than be in the dorm by myself though.”
“Mm. You always need people around you,” Jeongin agrees. “It’s very cute.”
“Ahhh,” Chan whines, covering his face with his free hand, because fuck, Jeongin’s still got their fingers laced together, and his hand is so warm and this feels so domestic right now. “Iyen-ie, baby, don’t call me cute.”
“I can say whatever I want,” is Jeongin’s cheerful response, which, damn. He’s right. He could trample all over Chan, even, and he would let him. He doesn’t know if that makes him a good hyung or just pathetic. “You’re the cutest hyung of them all, but don’t tell Hyunjin hyung that.” A pause. “Actually, I lied, Lix hyung is probably the cutest. But you’re pretty high up there.”
Chan whines again and feels his ears go hot. “You’re being awfully affectionate today, baby. Did you miss me?”
“Yeah,” Jeongin says, horribly honest. They cross the street, already on their way back to the dorm. “I keep thinking about the conversation we had before I left. I think it’s haunting me.”
Chan’s legs are going to turn to jelly and they haven’t even spoken about this for very long. He’s so fucked. “Yeah?”
Jeongin hums. “The fact that you want me to take care of you like that, that you’ve been craving it… it’s very sweet. I think it makes me feel special but I can’t tell if that’s a rational thought for me to be having, you know?”
Jesus, they’re outside. Granted, it’s nighttime and there isn’t really anyone around, but Chan is pretty paranoid and finds himself looking around for anyone who might be hiding in plain sight. Jeongin catches onto this and laughs. “Are you nervous someone’s going to overhear, hyung? Should we wait until we get home?”
A part of Chan does not want to wait and would rather drop to his knees right now, but he obviously can’t do that. “Maybe we should. But I don’t…” he swallows, nervous. “I don’t think it’s irrational for you to feel that way. I mean. You are special. You always have been.”
Jeongin goes quiet for a while, but Chan feels his fingers tighten around him and tries not to burst into tears over just how cute his baby is.
They get home and shower. Chan makes the executive decision to do the full thing, blushing hot and so nervous about it he’s almost lightheaded in the humidity of the bathroom. Jeongin’s right outside and could come in at any moment, the door’s literally unlocked and they’ve both done it to each other before, but he’s polite and lets Chan take his time despite the fact that Chan is actively taking way more time than he usually ever does.
Jeongin is eating an apple in the kitchen when he comes out of the bathroom. Chan isn’t wearing a shirt and he certainly doesn’t miss the approving look in his eyes. It makes him feel hot all over, to know all of them want him on some level but right now it’s Jeongin who wants him the most, who gets to have him whenever he wants tonight.
“Handsome hyung,” Jeongin says in his lilting voice. He reaches out, trails a finger down Chan’s arm the way Minho does to Jisung whenever he wants his attention, except the difference here is that Jeongin has all of Chan’s attention all the time and it just makes him blush and stutter out a vague rejection to Jeongin’s compliment. Jeongin pouts. “You don’t believe me? Then why do you walk around shirtless all the time?”
“It’s comfortable,” Chan mutters. He steals Jeongin’s apple to take a bite.
Jeongin leans back against the counter and crosses his arms now that he’s lost his apple. “So, what do you think?” He asks, straight to the point. “Do you want us to try it tonight, or maybe wait?”
Chan wants it so bad his teeth are practically aching again. He sets the apple down on the counter and wrings his fingers together for a moment. “It… depends on what you want, I think,” he tries. “I know you said you aren’t tired but you’ve definitely had a long past few days and I think you should get some rest if you can.”
“And I just told you that I don’t need it, hyung,” is Jeongin’s light response. “You were in the shower for a long time so I just assumed that maybe you were trying to get ready for something. Which was a cute thought. You could have asked me to join you, but you must’ve been shy.”
Chan feels that urge to sink to his knees again, the kind of instantaneous emotion only Minho and Felix have been able to consistently inspire in him. Jeongin, somehow, drags it out like it’s nothing, plays with the feeling, makes it so much worse. Laughing nervously, he says, “I don’t really know what to say.”
Jeongin gives him a long look, and then pulls him into a kiss.
Chan tries not to moan directly into Jeongin’s mouth but it’s hard when he’s such a good kisser. He lets Chan’s hands gravitate to his waist like they’re personally magnetized to him and Jeongin himself puts his arms around Chan’s neck, and it makes him feel so possessive and possessed at the same time, pushing this man up against the counter while letting him lick into his mouth, lips parted obediently for whatever Jeongin wants to give him. Jeongin nibbles at his bottom lip, tugs just hard enough for it to ache, licks over it in apology. He sucks on his tongue and licks over his teeth like he needs to taste every centimeter of his mouth.
Chan feels dizzy.
Jeongin pulls away so he can kiss down his jaw. Chan has to brace his hands against the countertop in front of him, which cages Jeongin in. Jeongin lets out a noise that sounds delightfully close to a whimper and Chan pants, so keyed-up already it’s embarrassing.
“Hyung,” he murmurs as he pulls away, “should we go to my room?”
Chan has been in Jeongin’s room maybe twice since they moved in together. The idea of taking him for the first time in a place so foreign to him yet so comfortable for Jeongin makes his heart race. “Yeah,” he says.
His voice sounds weak, fucked-out, and Jeongin’s barely done more than kiss him. Jeongin gives him yet another smile and leads him down the hallway to his room.
As always it’s meticulously neat. Chan remembers how messy he’d gotten when he used to share a room with Jisung years ago, but it seems having his own space has been good for him. There are a couple unopened boxes because he hasn’t finished unpacking, and pairs of shoes line one of the walls, but otherwise it’s simple and organized. Jeongin shuts the door and then opens his closet, pulling a towel out and laying it across his bed. Chan immediately flushes at the implications again.
“Hyung, you don’t need to be so embarrassed,” Jeongin says, but he’s grinning like Chan’s embarrassment is deeply pleasing to him right now. “You’ve had sex before. Many times, actually.”
Chan covers his face with his hands and lets out a muffled groan. “Not… like this. And not with you.”
Jeongin giggles. He sounds a lot closer to Chan than he was two seconds ago and then he feels fingers enclosing around his wrist, and Jeongin gently tugs one of his hands down before he says, “Take the rest of your clothes off and get on the bed, okay?”
Chan swallows thickly and complies.
Jeongin hums as he rummages through his nightstand. When he finds what he’s looking for he sets them down and immediately pulls his sweater off, and he wasn’t wearing anything underneath so Chan gets an up-close view of what feels like miles of skin—his arms, his shoulders, his abs, the jut of his hips. God, Chan’s going to die, he isn’t going to make it out of this.
Then Jeongin reaches out and tilts Chan’s chin up with a finger. “You’re acting like you’ve never seen my body before,” he says, amused. He’s looking down at him in a way that makes Chan distinctly feel like he’s about to be hunted.
“Feels like I haven’t,” he manages. “I… come here, baby.”
Jeongin takes his pants and underwear off before he climbs onto the bed, and Chan’s eyes immediately gravitate downwards except Jeongin doesn’t give him a chance to look because he settles himself between Chan’s legs and then leans down to press a searing hot kiss to his mouth. Chan holds onto his shoulders for dear life as Jeongin licks into him again.
Then Jeongin pulls back a little. Chan nearly goes cross-eyed as he looks at him. When he sits up, Chan cranes his neck upwards so he can see and—“Baby,” he squeaks. “I—ohhh my God, I’m gonna die.”
Jeongin laughs and finally seems to get a little shy about it but Chan’s barely paying attention. Jeongin is big, bigger than Chan. “Are you even fully hard?” He asks, incredulous.
Now it’s his turn to cover his face. “No.”
The first time Chan’s going to take anything up his ass other than his own fingers and Jisung’s toy and it’s going to split him open. Oh, fuck. “You’re joking,” he practically whimpers. “Kiss me again, baby.”
Jeongin is quick to comply, but it doesn’t last long because he sits up again, reaching for the lube. “I’ll be gentle,” he promises. Chan wants to say you really don’t have to, but that’s unrealistic and Jeongin is too much of a gentleman. At least for right now. He thinks about Jeongin getting rough with him and nearly passes out.
“Hyung, have you fingered yourself before?” He asks.
Chan swallows. “Yeah, and…” he blushes. “The… the other day, when you left for the airport… Hannie helped me.”
Jeongin’s gaze goes sharp with interest as he takes Chan’s legs and spreads them apart, barely glancing at his cock, and oh, that’s. A part of him likes that. “Oh, really? What did you two do together?”
Chan breaks eye contact and instead stares up at the ceiling. “He... brought his toy, and…”
Jeongin’s fingers were trailing down his inner thighs, deeply distracting, but now his fingers dig into the soft skin there and Chan feels himself twitch, overly sensitive. The contact sends sparks of arousal straight up his spine. “Oh, hyung. You sat on Hannie hyung’s toy? Tried it out for the first time? How did it feel?”
Chan wants to bury his head into the ground and die. “Felt good,” he whispers. “Got off… really fast.”
“Aww. That sounds like you.” Jeongin opens the lube and drips it over his fingers. “You’re already so hard and all I’ve done is kiss you a little.”
Chan whimpers. “I just… I’m sensitive.”
Jeongin laughs. “I can tell. I’m gonna put a finger in, okay?”
Chan nods, unable to speak. Jeongin stares intently down at him as he takes a finger and circles his rim, gentle. The contact is barely-there but it makes Chan gasp, legs spreading open further. Jeongin smiles and shakes his head, then presses his finger in.
He pushes his finger in torturously slow, and fuck, Chan forgot how long his fingers are. The steady intrusion feels like it lasts forever before Jeongin is finally in to the knuckle. Chan is already panting, adjusting to the slight stretch. After a moment he rocks his hips down onto him and Jeongin bites his lip. “Does that feel okay?”
“Yeah,” Chan breathes. “You can… move, or do whatever.”
Jeongin looks like he wants to tease him but holds back, sliding his finger out and pushing it back in. For a few long moments it’s silent as Chan gets used to Jeongin inside him, save for his embarrassing panting. Then there’s another finger pressing against his rim, and his next breath is nearly a squeak as Jeongin gives him two.
“Baby,” he gasps. “Your fingers are so… they’re so…”
“Do you like them?” Jeongin asks. He sounds unbearably fond. “Does it feel good?”
Chan finds himself moaning in confirmation, hands twisting into the sheets. It makes him so embarrassed to be so reactive but Jeongin’s fingers are just—so long, and thick, and his knuckles press against his rim when he pushes all the way in and spreads his fingers apart, stretching him open. This is the first time he’s ever been fingered by anyone other than himself and it’s melting his brain, being stretched and filled like this, prepped for Jeongin’s cock—oh God, he gets why his members love when he takes care of them, this feels so good.
“You’re reminding me of Seungmin hyung right now,” Jeongin says. “Which makes sense, you’re like a puppy too, hyung. So cute, so pretty.”
The praise makes his head feel like it’s full of cotton. The comparison to Seungmin… Chan rocks his hips down on Jeongin’s fingers and moans again, remembering Jeongin does this to everyone, and that’s so… that’s so…
His eyes are closed but he can hear the smile in Jeongin’s voice as he says, “Are you thinking about Seungmin hyung, baby? Or the fact that I fuck him just like I’m gonna fuck you now?”
His dirty fucking mouth. Where did he learn all this from? “I don’t… I…”
“Hyung can’t talk, huh? Look at you. You’re leaking all over yourself.”
Is he? He can’t even tell. There’s an ache inside him trying to unfurl under his skin, and when Jeongin finally, finally curls his fingers up and brushes against his prostate he makes a keening sound he’s never heard out of his own mouth before. His back arches and he throws an arm over his eyes.
“Baby,” he gasps. “That feels so good, feels like I’m gonna cum.”
Jeongin makes a noise that sounds like a cut-off groan. He gently presses the tips of his fingers against his prostate again and Chan shivers, legs splaying open as far as they can go. “Already? How are you going to take me, hyung?”
Chan moans, pained. “I don’t know, I just… you f-feel so good, baby.”
“Yeah?” Jeongin fucks his fingers in again and Chan gasps. “Don’t cum yet, hyung. I’m gonna make you take one more, okay? Can you do that for me?”
Chan would probably throw himself out of a window if Jeongin asked him to. “Y-yeah.”
“Good,” Jeongin says, soothing like he’s talking to—fuck, like he’s talking to a puppy. He might be unlocking something in himself.
The third finger is an aching stretch that Chan feels in every atom of his body. His mouth drops open and he does his best to relax, feeling every bit like he’s going to cum at any moment.
Jeongin is merciful and avoids that sweet spot, and instead the motions of his fingers turn into something probing and mechanical, done with the sole focus of getting Chan nice and wet and open for him. He manages to calm down a little and finds himself even relaxing somewhat into the bed even as his cock leaks and drips all over his stomach.
And then Jeongin opens his mouth again.
“I’ve always wanted to do this with you,” he says on an exhale, voice sweet and soft and actively in the process of melting Chan’s brain right out of his ears. “Every time we kissed, hyung. But you always stopped it early. Why was that? Were you nervous?”
Chan might start crying. “Yes,” he whimpers. “D-didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“Channie hyung, you make yourself so small for other people,” Jeongin sighs. “Tell me. Whenever you’re with the other members is it because they came to you first?”
Chan hides his face in his hands and nods.
“And when you need to be touched,” he continues. “What do you do then? Hold off until you’re approached? Have you ever even tried to initiate?”
“Baby…”
Jeongin pulls his fingers out so only the tips of them rest inside him. His thumb massages into the space above his rim. It sends sensitive shocks through him, and he pants. “Answer me, hyung.”
“I don’t,” he chokes out. His voice sounds weak and strangled to even his own ears. “I… ahhh, Iyen-ie, I don’t ask. Please, p-please, that feels good,” he moans when Jeongin pushes his fingers back in, brushing over his prostate this time.
“Our selfless hyung,” Jeongin says. There’s blatant desire in his voice that not even Chan could deny. The fact that it’s pointed in his direction, the fact that it’s for him—Jeongin’s enjoying this, being the first one to take him apart this way—it makes his cock throb, forgotten and useless on his stomach. “You just want to help your babies, hmm? But then who gets to take care of you?”
There’s an answer here that Jeongin is looking for. The idea of saying it makes him feel weak, needy, pathetic. He says it anyway. “You.”
“That’s right, hyung,” Jeongin breathes. There’s warmth surrounding him, suddenly, and Chan blearily blinks his eyes open to see Jeongin leaning over him, staring him down with something completely unreadable in his eyes. He’s so beautiful. He’s so beautiful, and he’s one of Chan’s own. “And I’m gonna take care of you so good, and you’re going to let me do this all the time.”
He slips his fingers out of him and Chan gasps both at the loss and at his words. “Yes,” he whispers, because he’s losing whatever ability he had in the first place to deny Jeongin anything he wants.
“Oh, you’re so cute,” Jeongin coos. “I’m gonna try to see if I can fuck you into crying, hyung, how does that sound?”
Chan chokes on his next breath. “Mm. That’s. That sounds…”
“Doesn’t that sound good?” He picks the lube up again and squirts some out over his hand again. “Who cries during sex with you, hyung?”
Chan is almost too busy staring down at Jeongin’s cock as he fists over it nice and slow. His brain is going blank but he manages to think about it. “Jisungie,” he responds. “Mm… and Hyunjin.”
“I’ve made Minho hyung cry,” Jeongin says easily. None of it feels competitive but for some reason it still leaves Chan feeling heady with shame. “But I bet he makes you cry, hyung. Turn over for me?”
Chan makes a confused noise, still processing the last thing he’d said. “Huh?”
“It’ll be more comfortable if you’re on your knees,” he says, gentle.
Chan both loves and hates the idea. On one hand, he wants to see Jeongin’s beautiful face as he fucks him. On the other hand he isn’t sure if he wants Jeongin to see him.
He’s slow to get up and turn over. Jeongin helps him, props him up so that he’s on his knees with his legs spread. He settles on his elbows and stares down at the sweat-stained pillow and tries extremely hard not to think about the fact that his hole is on full display right now, but it’s hard to forget when Jeongin thumbs over his rim and says, “Cute.”
“Baby,” he whines. “Stop that.”
Jeongin laughs, boyish and charming. His heart aches about as bad as his dick does for a few moments. “Okay, hyung. Sorry.”
He presses the tip of his cock into his rim, stretching him out just a little, placing pressure against the tightest part of him, and Chan’s moan is weak and breathless and a little terrified. “Take a deep breath, hyung,” Jeongin reminds him. “You’ll be okay.”
“You’re j-just big,” he whispers.
Another laugh. “I’m not even in you.”
“Hnng,” is Chan’s incomprehensible reply.
When Jeongin presses the tip of his cock inside Chan feels himself clamp down on the intrusion, inhaling so hard he makes an embarrassing squeak. His back bows down and his legs try to shift together but Jeongin tuts at him and lighty slaps his ass, irritated. “Relax.”
“Can’t, can’t,” Chan whimpers, “oh fuck. Innie, baby, I can’t.”
“You can,” Jeongin says firmly. He doesn’t give Chan a break, keeps pushing in slow and steady, and Chan instinctively finds himself trying to escape the intrusion. He grits his teeth on a sob. Jeongin leans forward and shoves his head into the pillow by his neck like it’s nothing, his other hand gripping his hip to hold him in place. Chan nearly cums on the spot.
“Stop moving,” Jeongin says. “You’re almost there, relax. God, you’re acting like you’re gonna die.”
Compared to how Chan feels right now Jeongin sounds nearly unaffected by this, but if he pays attention he can hear the slight strain in his voice, the way he sometimes sounds when he’s genuinely angry. In this context it’s so hot that Chan can do nothing but try to relax into the hold he has on his neck. He’s stuck in an obscene arch, legs spread wide so it’s almost painful, Jeongin so thick and hot and heavy inside him he feels lightheaded.
He lets Jeongin press himself all the way inside, barely able to breathe through the stretch. By the time his hips rest against his ass he feels like he might really pass out. His mouth opens to speak but the only thing that comes out is a strangled moan that makes him blush even harder than he has all night, a feat he didn’t even think was possible. His ears might as well fall off at this point.
His eyes start to sting. Jeongin moves his hand from his neck and instead places it at the small of his back. “You look incredible like this,” he says. “So beautiful. And you feel so good, fuck.”
Chan barely manages to wheeze out a weak, “It’s good?”
Jeongin laughs, seeing straight through him like he always does. “Yes, baby, it’s good. You’re doing so good, you just need to relax and let me take over.”
The idea of it makes his cock throb from where it hangs uselessly between his legs. He doesn’t have to look to know there are strings of precum dripping from the swollen head of his cock. If Jeongin touched him even once he would shake apart underneath him. Fuck, he’s on the verge of an orgasm even without the added stimulation right now.
For a few long moments they stay like that, Jeongin rubbing a soothing hand over his back, Chan trying to regulate his breathing so he doesn’t hyperventilate himself into passing out.
“Do you feel ready?” Jeongin asks after a few moments.
“No,” Chan whimpers. “B-but I still want you to move.”
Jeongin must be as worked-up as he is because he doesn’t protest against the suggestion. Instead he grips Chan’s hips in his hands and says, “Stay still. Don’t try to get away again, okay?”
Chan’s chest tightens with embarrassment. “I… okay.”
And then Jeongin starts fucking him.
He’s slow at first, but even the drag of his cock out of him makes him screw his eyes shut and forget to breathe. He tries his best to relax but he can’t help clenching down on him, which makes Jeongin moan and push back in, and that makes Chan moan this time, so loud he clamps a shaky hand over his mouth.
“Absolutely not,” Jeongin grits out. “Move your hand.” When Chan drops his hand back to the pillow, digging his fingers in, he says, “Good. I wanna hear every single thing I’m doing to you.”
Humiliation is the same thing as arousal to him at this point. He feels dizzy even as his mouth drops open to moan again. Eventually Jeongin’s pace grows steady, and Chan starts to feel like he’s actively being split open on his cock. It’s huge. Chan doesn’t have a reference point for any of this but he’s pretty sure most people would actively try to dissuade him from taking Jeongin for his first time. At the same time it makes him preen, that he can do this, that he feels good for Jeongin, that Jeongin can have him like this whenever he wants from now on.
That thought makes his entire body pulse with arousal.
When Jeongin picks up in speed Chan finds himself instinctively reaching back with a blind hand, gripping Jeongin’s wrist. Jeongin must think he’s trying to get away again because he sighs and twists out of his grip, instead grabbing Chan’s arm and pulling it so it’s bent over his back, locked in his hold. Chan’s eyes sting again with real tears this time, and his shoulder burns with the awkward angle of his arm but Jeongin doesn’t seem to care, maintaining his pace. His next thrust brushes over his prostate. Chan sobs, and the tears drip out of his eyes and soak the pillow underneath him.
When he makes a completely pathetic sniffling noise Jeongin lets out an incredulous laugh. “Holy shit, are you actually crying? Did I make you cry for real?”
“I-it feels so good,” he moans. “I’m so close, so close, fuck.”
“Baby,” Jeongin says, “that was so fast it’s almost a little concerning.”
Has he been speaking informally to him the entire time he’s been inside him? He can’t even remember. He never wants Jeongin to call him hyung again. “‘M sorry, I just… please, keep fucking me,” he begs. “Make me cum. Please.”
Jeongin groans. “Oh, fuck, you’re so made for this. You’re acting like such a slut right now, it’s so cute.”
He fucks him harder, faster, clearly losing his own patience, the urge to cum overriding the urge to tease him. Chan can’t catch nearly enough breath in his lungs and resigns himself to the fact that he might actually black out. He can’t focus on a single thing other than Jeongin’s cock spearing him open, thick and huge and so satisfying it almost hurts, throbbing inside him. Chan tightens up around it and feels every ridge, every vein like it’s in his throat. For a moment on the next thrust Chan’s cock pulses so hard he feels like an orgasm is going to be fucked right out of him, dripping precum and seizing up on Jeongin’s cock, and then—Jeongin lets go of his arm and instead grabs his hair, pulls his head off the pillow, and the sting in his scalp is so good, and oh, he really is going to cum, isn’t he, fuck.
“Can I cum,” he sobs. Tears stream down his cheeks freely. “Can I cum, can I cum, please baby, please.”
Jeongin makes a strangled noise like Chan’s just punched him. “Are you really asking? When did I ever tell you you had to ask me that?” Chan just moans, shaky and desperate and out of his mind. “God. Yes, hyung, you can cum.”
Chan’s vision goes dark. At the last second—completely unnecessary and just to be mean—Jeongin reaches around and takes his dick into his hand, stroking it nice and slow, and Chan is pretty sure he’d scream if his voice wasn’t already going hoarse. Instead he cums completely silent at first before his body catches up with him, and then he moans, long and loud and utterly humiliating, except he can’t find it in him to care at this point. Every muscle in his body tightens to the point where he’s distantly afraid he’s going to get a leg cramp. His cock jerks in Jeongin’s loose grip. He sobs right into the pillow.
The orgasm is life-changing. He’s never cum this hard in his life.
His ears are still ringing when he becomes vaguely alert again. He finds himself slumped against the bed on his side, and there’s something warm and wet moving over him—a washcloth, he realizes. He blinks his eyes open to Jeongin giving him a completely unreadable look. His expression melts into a smile when he realizes Chan is alert.
“Holy shit,” he croaks. “What the fuck?”
“Hi,” Jeongin says in that cute voice of his again. “You passed out, hyung.”
Chan makes a weak noise in horror. “Oh… that’s… no way.”
“Very much yes way, actually.”
“Did you cum in me?” he asks.
Jeongin stares at him. “Should I… not have?”
Chan groans and covers his face. “Did I really miss that because I fucking fainted on you?”
Jeongin laughs and then leans down to kiss his cheek. “There’s always next time, isn’t there?”
“Nngh,” he manages. It’s silent for a few moments before the slowly growing pit of anxiety in his chest starts nagging at him. “That was so… so good, baby, I loved it. But fuck, was it embarrassing.”
“That’s called vulnerability,” is Jeongin’s response. His voice is light and he trails a soothing hand up Chan’s leg. “Doing this takes a lot out of a person when you haven’t done it before. And I have to assume it’s a lot worse for you because you’re our hyung and you’re always the one taking care of us, and, well… you’re also just… you.”
“Can’t tell if that’s an insult,” Chan mumbles.
“It isn’t. It’s high praise. Hyung’s the loveliest person in the world.”
It’s said with complete seriousness, not like the way Jisung or Hyunjin might say it, secretly meaning every word but coating everything with fake sweetness to hide it. Chan looks at Jeongin, who looks back at him fondly.
“Innie,” Chan says, chest tight. “How did it take us this long to fuck?”
Jeongin slaps his ass and rolls his eyes, swinging his leg over to climb out of bed. “Maybe if a certain hyung wasn’t so emotionally constipated. Seriously, you’re like Minho hyung with an extra twenty layers of shame.” He takes a pair of sweatpants out of his closet and, turned away from him, says, “If you want me, or any of us, just say it. Because we love you. It can honestly be that simple.”
Chan can almost physically feel the words bouncing off of the wall in his brain but he tries his absolute hardest to digest what Jeongin’s trying to tell him. “I’ll... I’ll try.”
Jeongin must know Chan doesn’t fully get it but he chooses not to comment, instead turning back to him. “Let’s shower together, hyung. Then I’ll change the sheets and we can sleep.”
Absolutely nothing has ever sounded better to Chan in his entire life.