Chapter Text
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a heavy pressure on ekko's chest woke him up.
a set of massive blue eyes peered at him through the dark, mere inches from his face. "sleeping all by yourself, handsome?"
"fuck!" his forehead slammed painfully into hers as he launched up, scrambling to cover his bare body with the blanket. "do you have to do that every time?" he huffed in exasperation, rubbing where he was sure a bruise was already forming.
"you always take so long to wake up," she said brightly, unfazed and grinning in that toothy way that reminded him of better years. making a face, ekko felt around the floor beside his bed until he found his bottoms, grumbling as he struggled to put them on under the bedding.
she watched him with her lower lip jutting out, stretching her arm out beneath her and settling on her side. "what'd ya put those on for?" she teased, a softness to her features that almost fooled him.
"i haven't seen you in almost a month." ekko tried not to let the bitterness seep into his tone, though the effort to look away from the bend of her waist took precedence. he failed on both accounts. "before that was almost two."
"time flies when you're having fun," she said with a shrug, sharpness all but gone. "don't tell me you're going on strike or somethin'."
he didn't answer, crossing his arms over his chest as he laid flat on his back.
she was never good with silence. sitting up again, she pulled one of her braids over her shoulder and began undoing it, her lithe fingers bright white in the moonlit room. after a long while her hair fell around her shoulders like a cloak of sorts, and she brought her knees to her chest as she watched him through the quiet.
"so what, you're mad at me?"
ekko refused to meet her gaze, staring instead at the cracks in his ceiling. it was easier not to look at her. the silence stretched so thinly it became brittle, shattering when he finally said, "would it matter if i was?"
he could feel her frown. “don’t be like that. you know... you know what it is.”
“yeah, i do,” he said, letting his head turn until he could see her again. it made his heart hurt, but he held her gaze. “that’s what's wrong with me. i know exactly what it is.”
she flinched, just barely, but enough for him to notice. her frown twisted to a grimace, and her fingers stilled in the mess of her hair. “that's not fair,” she muttered, quieter now.
“you want to talk about fair?” he mimicked, sitting up and burying his face in his hands. “showing up whenever you feel like it. too much faith that my bed will still be empty.”
blue eyes narrowed, and her hands curled into fists in her lap. "i don't remember asking you to hold out for me."
scoffing, ekko shook his head, the bundled energy in his body forcing him to stand and pace about the room. words he swore he'd never let out of his mouth poured like a river.
"you didn't. that's the worst part, you don’t ask for anything because you don’t care. you take what you want, and then you leave." he sighed, looking out of the wide window used exclusively for her intrusions. "that's all i am, right? a quiet place to hide from those fucking voices in your head."
she snarled, climbing backwards off the bed with her arms wrapped tightly around herself. her eyes were wild.
ekko instantly felt guilty, reaching out for her, but she shoved roughly at his chest with her teeth bared. he took a few steps back.
"maybe i don't care," she looked up at him with thinly veiled malice, her pupils practically vibrating in their irises. "that make ya feel better? maybe you're just the idiot who's holding out on some stupid hope that she's gonna bust out of my skin and skip into the sunset with you!"
there were tears in her eyes that he knew she wouldn't let fall. gritting his teeth, ekko smacked his hand against his face with a groan. it had been a long time since they'd devolved to this. "i guess i should just run around and blow shit up, call it maturing."
"you're a fucking hypocrite! you think what you do makes any difference?" she twisted anxiously at her hair before clutching at her shoulders. her eyes darted to the window, and he saw her swallow. "you have your responsibilities, i have mine."
ekko turned to face her with his hands clenched at his sides. "you think this is about her?” his voice was laced tightly with fury. "she doesn't exist anymore. i buried her a long time ago- this is about you." somewhere in him the words rang hollow, but he said them as firmly as he could anyway. "and your supposed responsibilities."
her breath hitched, but she covered it with a sharp laugh, the sound stabbing in between his ribs, slicing at his lungs. "a hypocrite and a liar! it's never been about me, you've never loved me. always been her, could never be me! her her her, always always always." her hands clutched at her skull, dragging down her eye sockets and digging into her jaw. ekko flinched at the sight but did not move. "you think i can't see it? the way you look at me like one of your little gadgets?" her knees were knocked together as she stood, and though they stood a room apart he could still feel her heart thumping through her chest. "i'm not your fucking project, boy wonder."
"no?" he shot back, his voice rising. "you keep coming back like you want to be, like you want me to patch you up just enough to see you through your next round of bullshit."
her pacing stopped abruptly. he could see the marks in her arms that her nails were leaving behind. "i don't come here for you to play the good doctor!" she shouted, her voice raw, shrill. "maybe this shitty little room is the only place that i don't feel like my body is crowded, like there's no space in my brain for- for whoever i am, now."
"then stay!" ekko roared, the words exploding out of him like one of her bombs. "stay, for once in your life, instead of running from something that might be good for you!" he crossed to her in two strides, and she puffed her chest up at him in an effort to not back down.
"i can't!" she screamed back, her voice hurting his ears. "for such a smart kid you don't fucking think!"
"then what are we doing?" he demanded, letting his voice drop to a dangerously low level. "what is this, huh? you keep coming back, and i keep letting you, but we just bleed all over each other. nothing heals, and i'm the only one nursing the wound." he gripped her wrists to stop her incessant clawing, grimacing at the red crescents indented in her skin. "what's the point?"
her mouth opened and closed like a fish fighting to breathe. she wasn't wearing makeup, and ekko could see the true pink of her lips, as chapped as they were, and the dark circles that ringed her eyes. his breath stalled, and the grip on her arms tightened.
"i can't let you go." she said the words like she resented them. "i can't. maybe i'm the stupid one."
his thumbs rubbed across the prominent bone in her wrist, the familiar dissolving of his surety beginning around his edges.
"you don't know what it's like- in here-" she squeezed her eyes shut to signify where she meant, her hands still trapped in ekko's grasp. she didn't pull away from him. "scraps pretending they fit together. you can't fix me, but you make me feel all in one piece, 'stead of a bunch of loose parts."
that statement, of all she'd said, blew his insides apart like a shotgun blast.
"boy wonder" she'd called him, but he did not feel anywhere close to wonderful. when he opened his mouth to speak it was met with her lips crashing to his, a breathy groan leaving her as though she'd been fighting it back.
the kiss was messy, desperate, filled with anger and resentment language could not explain. he let go of her wrists, her hands immediately grabbing at his shoulders, pulling him closer. ekko's own flew to her waist, so relieved to have her close he could have cried. he'd missed her. he missed her then, his hands full of her, his nose full of her scent. he'd missed her for more of his life than he'd loved her.
she ghosted her lips across his as if she were daring him to say something, to ruin the fragile moment they were caught in. ekko opened his eyes just enough to get a glimpse of her, his chest heaving, when she kissed him again- harder this time, teeth grazing his bottom lip a bit too harshly to be a loving gesture.
he didn’t stop her. couldn’t. his hands slid to her hips, gripping tight like she might disappear in a puff of purple smoke. there was nothing soft about the way they collided, nothing careful. swords in combat, two loaded guns. it was chaos, just like her, and damn him if he didn’t drink it in like an alcoholic takes liquor.
she pushed him backward, the edge of the bed catching the back of his knees and sending him sprawling onto the blankets. she was on him before he could blink, straddling his hips and twisting her fingers into his locs, tugging hard enough to make him hiss.
“is this what you wanted, little man?” she breathed against his mouth, her voice low and taunting. the nickname seared at his massacred organs, cauterizing them. “to get under my skin? make me feel somethin'?”
“better than pretending,” he retorted, his hands sliding up her thighs. he kissed her again, though she pulled back, mischief on her face even as her eyes still glistened.
she bit his lip in response, her nails digging into his scalp, and he groaned against her mouth. her kisses were taunting, almost cruel, but her back arched into him as though asking for more, her hips moving incessantly across his.
“such a hypocrite,” she muttered, her forehead pressing against his as she centered herself on his throbbing cock. the bruise from their earlier collision sang its pain. “you hate me for leaving, but can’t stand it when i'm here.”
ekko's grip on her tightened, his voice rough as he said, “i can't stand it when you're not here, either.”
he watched her lip pull up like she wanted to snap at him again, though when her words failed her mouth came crashing into his again.
it was pure desperation, their movements frantic and uncoordinated, the blood in his veins so hot he thought he might catch fire. her hands slid down his chest, cold against his skin, and he shuddered as he pressed against the touch.
"you think you're so much better than me," she said spitefully against his teeth, her hands deceivingly gentle. "mister goody goody, never does anything wrong."
"pow-" he began, without really thinking. none of the boiling blood in his body was in his brain.
her grip moved to his jaw, so hard he thought he heard a crunch.
"do not fucking call me that," she said darkly, her hair falling around them like a curtain, sealing them in, hiding them from the world. hiding the world from them.
the other name, the one simple syllable, would not form on his tongue, refused to exist even in his mind. so he said nothing.
she was glaring at him, her breathing ragged and her lips swollen. she looked far more beautiful than she had any right to, and ekko ignored the shame in his stomach as he reached to kiss her again. he'd promised himself he would not fall into this. it wasn't even easy to do- yet there he was.
“you can’t keep doing this to me,” he murmured, his arms wrapping tightly around her waist and holding her to him as his lips moved over her throat.
she froze, and for a moment he thought she might actually leave. but then she melted into him, different from before, her hands clutching at his face like he was the last thing she might ever feel.
“shut up,” she whispered. the words lacked venom. “just... shut up.”
for once, ekko did, letting his hands roam her cool skin beneath the thin clothing she favored.
her hands slid down to grip his shoulders again, chipped nails pressing into his skin as though trying to drown out words he was not saying.
her lips dominated his like a fist fight, her breath shaky as she wrestled with whoever was inside her brain. he felt the tears on his cheeks before he saw them in her eyes.
“i hate you,” she murmured against his lips, but there was no venom in her voice this time, only exhaustion. she pulled her shirt off quickly, tossing it aside before tugging at her pants. she never cried in front of him.
“i know,” he replied, his hands tangling in her hair as he kissed her back, pouring all his heartbreak into the agreement. he couldn't see her tattoos in the moonlight.
he was drowning in her, the undertow of her instability dragging him to depths he had forsaken, but he didn't want to breathe. he just wanted her.
this happened every time.
like clockwork his hands moved to help with her task, and once her pants were finally off they were seated side by side, lips still locked as she grasped for him, falling to her back.
his pajama bottoms were discarded unceremoniously, and then ekko was standing over her with her face in his hands. she got up on her knees to kiss up his chest, over a patchwork of scars and wounds that could never compare to the gash in his spirit.
he could save her. he could save her, if she'd let him. it wasn't too late.
her tongue was hot in his mouth as her hand moved to stroke him, the other wrapping behind his neck and holding him closely to her. as if he was the one who would flee. he let his own move up into her long, soft hair, the one thing she bothered to take care of. his hands wrapped into the thick locks, tightening his grip until she cried out, rocking her hips against him.
she made him so fucking frustrated.
his thumbs swiped across her jaw to settle around her throat, and she moaned delightfully at the feeling. with a smirk he used the advantage to push her back onto the bed, his knees hitting the mattress and his nose brushing hers.
she gazed up at him with an odd expression on her face. she always had that problem- like her pretty features couldn't pick which emotion to display. long legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him closer, and she urged him with soft sighs and a return of her playful smile.
"don't just sit there, genius," she tried to say sarcastically, but her pupils were blown to the point of exterminating the blue around them.
"didn't you just tell me to shut up?" he asked, pulling his brows together in mock confusion.
"so-?" she tried to get back on to her knees but ekko was one step ahead of her, flipping her around in one swift movement with his arm around her throat. a trick she'd taught him, all those lifetimes ago.
she giggled, never perturbed, leaning back against him and kissing him deeply. his body burned, his insides writhing, and he moved his lips down her jaw as his palm moved up her back. just as it reached between her shoulder blades, and her kisses grew needy, he pushed her down into the bed, smiling a bit at how she obliged.
her legs spread for him, the glint of her eye sending a thrill through his body as she peeked over her shoulder, blue hair falling over her face. he had to shake his head to remind himself it was reality- the moon colored her like a dream.
his hands fits perfectly into the arch of her back, his fingertips nearly meeting at her navel. her desperate pleas picked up again, and his cock pressed into her soft thigh. they both shuddered.
"don't tease," she complained, pushing back against him in a bid for relief. "even if i deserve it."
that made sense. there was a lot she deserved but refused all the same. brows furrowed, ekko positioned himself as close as he could get and eased into her, his cock so hard he didn't even have to guide it.
she shuddered, her arms coming to fold beneath her head and her spine sinking lower. ekko could feel the difference, feel the pressure change as she shifted beneath him.
"fuck," they both let out, the word an odd harmony that made her laugh before it was replaced with a moan.
so fucking frustrated. his hands moved up to her ribcage, her shoulder blades, one dropping to her hip as the other pressed right at the top of her spine, palm flat as he began drilling her. her sounds grew muffled in his bedding, and his fingers reached to tangle in her hair and yank her head back as he leaned down over her.
"you're so fucking wet," he growled into her ear, taking the lobe between his teeth in between deep strokes. "is that all for me?" she could nod, but only barely, the tears back in her eyes. she didn't tell him to shut up again.
"you said i wanted a reaction, but this is what you needed, hm?" his voice was low, his words said into the curve of her neck as she squirmed beneath him. "you could have just asked."
her hand reached to grab at his shoulder, at the back of his head, pulling him in for a kiss far different from the ones they shared before.
a vulgar smacking was all that could be heard as ekko filled her fully with each pulse of his hips, her body becoming less and less solid beneath him. his hands supported her from beneath, strong and capable, and when she tangled one of hers with his he found himself holding it behind her back, far too enamored with the angle it allowed him.
not letting her go, he smoothed her hair away from her face, not wanting anything obscured now that he had such a view.
she was turned, just slightly, her other arm stretched out beneath her as she kept her hazy eyes on him, not much sense left about her. pride replaced the frustration in his chest, and he leaned down to kiss her temple, her cheek, her lips. a shake began in her thighs.
"feels so good," she managed, only the whites of her eyes truly visible to him beneath her lashes. it did. it felt so fucking good.
ekko was pressed flushed against her, his elbows either side of her as his hips stuttered, his whole body tensing as his jaw dropped. she kept kissing him, her moans growing more animalistic as she rocked her hips back against his.
his release came in a flash of pink light, buried in blue hair. kisses turned to teeth in her shoulder and she only groaned in response.
sitting up was a task he could have done without, staying in that very position until piltover and zaun both turned to dust. easing out of her made his spine turn to jelly, and he had to bite his knuckle to keep his new wave of urges at bay.
she lay there for a moment as if concussed, her arms curled up around her and her eyes closed.
all his lust was replaced with worry in a single beat of his heart, and he leaned down to smooth her hair away from her face. "fuck, are you-"
"don't get ahead of yourself, gorgeous." she was grinning, her lashes fluttering as she fought to keep them open.
for the first time that night ekko laughed, peppering kisses across her face. her expression didn't change, so he picked her up with ease and slid beneath the blankets with her still on his chest.
he didn't really know what normalcy felt like. if it was different for everyone, what made it normal? he kissed the top of her head as they laid there, his earlier exhaustion mingling with his newer to deplete him entirely.
whatever this was, it wasn't normal. he knew that much.
they laid there for a long time, his body tense as he waited for her to leave. sometimes she left right after- sometimes she stayed until morning, though she was always gone by the time he stirred.
"i've gotta get back." he'd almost thought she'd fallen asleep, their legs still tangled together and ekko's arms locked around her so tightly he could feel his tricep bulging.
"you could stay," he whispered into her hair. he shouldn't have. he should have let the night end peacefully, with the hope she'd come back before the next moon. "you'd be safe here."
"who said i wanted to be safe?" she tried to keep the edge to her voice, but he could hear the uncertainty beneath it. her fingertip created one of her little shapes in his chest.
"you could keep doing what you're doing, then. piltover's biggest threat- you don't need silco for that." he tried to let confidence carry his voice. if she could just see the good she would do...
when she sat up, her eyes seemed to flash a sheen of violent fuschia. "for fucks sake, ekko! i don't need saving!"
she shoved away from him, launching from the bed with her skin nearly translucent beneath the thin moonlight. her hair trailed behind her as she moved about the room, retrieving her clothes in a huff of irritation. he bit on the inside of his cheek. she always left like this. angry. upset. by the third or fourth time he realized it was her out- her means of leaving without feeling guilty. it still soured him, even as he watched her yank her clothes onto her body, hiding it from his view. he swallowed.
ekko was back how he started, naked beneath his blankets, panic in every vein of his body, followed closely by that poisonous anger that rotted his spirit.
"then leave," he said darkly, slamming himself into the mattress and turning pointedly away from her. "it's what you do best."
he was glad he couldn't see her face when she said, "want me gone? i'm gone."
she made no sound but the rustle of his curtains as she climbed out of the window.
same old jinx.
he laid in the darkness with his teeth grinding together. her departures felt like stitches ripping open.
"idiot," he muttered, not even to himself. not to anyone, really. "let her go. you're better off."
he squeezed his eyes shut, staving off hot tears that boiled over from the turbulence in his body.
the words felt empty even to him.
.