Work Text:
KARKAT: YOU GUYS KNOW BASICALLY ALL OF US HERE HAVE THE SAME WRIGGLING DAY RIGHT?
JADE: um yeah!
JADE: i literally study physics and biology!!! duh :P
You stand in the nutritionblock with Jade, attempting to remove yourself from any “birthday” party shenanigans as much as troll-ly possible. Most people here are astoundingly inebriated at best or completely passed out at worst. The music choices have been… questionable. Oh, and your boyfriend has been in the backyard doing fuck all for the past hour. Is it worth sorting through the crowd to go find him? Probably not. Guess chatting with Jade will have to suffice until he’s ready to go.
KARKAT: SO THEN WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN THROW US THESE PARTIES EVERY GOGDAMN MONTH?
KARKAT: I MEAN I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT AND EVERYTHING, BUT THE MERE CONCEPT OF THIS SHIT IS JUST IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO WRAP MY THINKPAN AROUND.
JADE: dude its an excuse to have fun and give people gifts!! what more could you want
JADE: its not like turning 24 is that fun for us humans either lol
JADE: just loosen up a little!!!!! xP
KARKAT: I RESENT THE IDEA THAT I’M NOT A PERFECTLY REASONABLE AMOUNT OF WOUND UP IN THIS SITUATION.
KARKAT: EVERYTHING ABOUT THESE PARTIES IS SO OVERSTIMULATING WHEN YOU’RE SEEMINGLY THE ONLY PERSON WHO THINKS EVEN THE SLIGHTEST CHANGE IN THE STATUS QUO ISN’T WORTHY OF GETTING PLASTERED IN YOUR HIVE.
KARKAT: WHICH BY THE WAY, THIS PLACE IS VERY LOVELY. HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU THAT?
JADE: yes? i think
JADE: maybe not
JADE: either way thank you!!
JADE: even if the compliments are… a bit aggressive?
JADE: no offense
KARKAT: NONE TAKEN.
KARKAT: I GUESS I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP CHAFING YOUR BULGE RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
KARKAT: CAN I AT LEAST REQUEST TO NOT GET FUCKED IN THE FACE WITH A CACOPHONY OF LIGHTS AND NOISES FOR MINE NEXT YEAR?
JADE: sure!! hehe
JADE: just remind me in about 364 days :)
KARKAT: DEAL.
JADE: yippee! cant wai-
JADE: shit
JADE: gamzee that is NOT for you t-
JADE: goddammit :(
JADE: brb i guess
…and she’s gone. How wonderful. Guess it’s time to find Dave instead. Whipping out your text receiver, you pace back and forth to give yourself something to do while typing.
CG: HEY FUCKFACE, WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO? IT’S ALMOST MIDNIGHT.
Three minutes pass. Still no response.
CG: STRIDER I SWEAR TO GOG IF I HAVE TO DRIVE MYSELF HOME FROM MY OWN BIRTHDAY PARTY I’M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS.
As you hit send, Sollux trudges into the kitchen, reeking of weed and gog knows what else. You’d probably make a snarky comment about how bloodshot his eyes are if it wasn’t for those stupid glasses he always wears.
SOLLUX: dude come play 2ma2h, you look mii2erable.
KARKAT: PISS OFF.
SOLLUX: why? cau2e you know ii totally would whoop your a22?
KARKAT: BECAUSE I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO, OKAY?
KARKAT: ISN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE *MY* PARTY?
SOLLUX: booooooo!
SOLLUX: lo2er.
You glance back at your text receiver. Still no fucking response. Why can’t that bastard ever keep his ringer on for more than two seconds?
Or check his phone at all for that matter?
The speed at which your hand meets your temples is astounding. Possibly even record breaking.
KARKAT: CAN YOU JUST BE A HALF DECENT FRIEND FOR ONCE AND TELL ME WHERE DAVE IS?
SOLLUX: gay.
KARKAT: SHUT UP.
SOLLUX: oh god.
SOLLUX: you guy2 totally gonna sneak off an-
KARKAT: DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT FINISHING THAT SENTENCE IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE WITH YOUR BREATHING TUBES INTACT.
SOLLUX: jegu2 chri2t man.
SOLLUX: loo2en up a biit!
KARKAT: I AM PERFECTLY LOOSE! WELL OILED EVEN!
SOLLUX: whatever you 2ay dude…
JUNE: karkaaaat i’ve been looking for you!!!
JUNE: you might wanna come see this :(
KARKAT: HUH?
June stumbles into the kitchen next, miraculously still able to put one foot in front of the other. At this point it’s hard not get annoyed about possibly the only sober person in the building, but somehow June’s words are almost as slurred as they are endearing. As she grabs your shoulder, it’s almost as if a question mark sits right over her head.
Wait a minute, this could only be about one thing. Focus dumbass.
KARKAT: IT’S DAVE, ISN’T IT?
KARKAT: AND LET ME GUESS, HE’S PLASTERED.
JUNE: how’d you know?
KARKAT: …LUCKY GUESS.
JUNE: woah, cool :)
KARKAT: SO WHERE IS HE?
Next thing you know, she’s grabbing your hand, and ushering you through Jade’s crowded ass rumpusblock.
JUNE: excuse me!!
JUNE: precious cargo coming through
KARKAT: (if there is a gog please cull me now…)
Eventually she guides you to the couch, in which your inebriated boyfriend is completely flopped onto by himself. His hair’s a mess too, with his tie completely undone and tossed around his shoulders. In all honesty, this whole situation is kind of your own fault, isn’t it? As the night went on, you kept pawning off more and more of your drinks onto him. What, were you supposed to decline every last shot or toast done dubiously in your honor? Imagine how awkward that would’ve been. Yeesh.
So now, you’re stuck facing how big of a mistake that might’ve been. Literally face to face for once too. What the hell happened to Dave’s shades? This might be the first time he’s actually gone more than two seconds without them.
DAVE: juuuune
DAVE: holy shit
DAVE: totally left me hanging here dude
JUNE: sorry!
JUNE: i brought a very important guest for you :)
DAVE: huh?
DAVE: whos that?
JUNE: karkat, obviously!
DAVE: woah, my boyfriends named is karkat
KARKAT: WHAT A COINCIDENCE, MINE’S NAMED DAVE.
DAVE: holy shittt
DAVE: thats sick as fuck
June leans in, then whispers in your ear, marginally more giggly than usual.
JUNE: (be right back! ill get him water hehehe)
And just like that, she’s already weaving through the crowd again like no one’s business. Might as well sit down and get comfortable while you wait. Besides, Dave… and his uh.. ganderbulbs. Wow. His face is even has that weird human flush too. Is it weird that you think it’s cute on him? Maybe even hot?
Eugh, knock it off and sit down already Vantas.
KARKAT: SO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR SHADES?
DAVE: huh? my sh-
DAVE: oh yeah
DAVE: lost em trying to wrestle my bro jake
DAVE: maybe literal bro soon holyshittt
DAVE: shhhh dont tell ANyone dirk said its a secret
DAVE: i trust u
DAVE: but yeah i TOOTALLY won that fucking shit no questions asked
DAVE: dude called it a truce but we all knew who came out on top
DAVE: dave strider THAts who
Like hell he managed to beat Jake. If it were any other occasion you’d totally call him out on it too, but you see, you’re kind of preoccupied just staring at him instead. First, it was the way his collarbones were ever so slightly noticeable under his shirt as he spoke, and by the time he’s finished, it’s damn near impossible to not notice how his lips shine under the flashing lights. Instead of pointing out the blatant gawking that’s going down, Dave just leans in to match your gaze. Fuck. He’s so sexy.
DAVE: can i tell you somethin crazy
KARKAT: HOW CRAZY ARE WE TALKING HERE?
DAVE: pretty fucKing crazy if you ask me
DAVE: and you did just ask me
DAVE: so uh
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: anywayssss
DAVE: i just wanted to say you look JUST like my boyfriend
DAVE: hes like the hottest guy ive ever seen so thats a pretty high compliment coming from me
DAVE: you should meet him someday i can take you home with me, but he would get soooooo jealous seeing you cause youre such a cutie
DAVE: liiike, your nails and fangs could make me cry tears of joy just from imagining the things those could do. even your horns are shining tonight
DAVE: did you polish them???? thats awesome dude
KARKAT: YEAH I DID, IS IT THAT OBVIOUS?
DAVE: nah ive just been uh
DAVE: staring at em
Huh? Is this some kind of joke? It’s not like your boyfriend’s above that sort of thing, but on the other hand, he seems too far removed from his typical irony antics to just be joking.
Actually, now that you think about it… does Dave ever dole out compliments like this? As much as he loves pail jokes or a dirty innuendo, even the slightest bit of affection is too much for him. Just last week you had to wait half an hour for him to say he liked your laugh without looking away from your face.
Well, what’s the harm in playing along either way?
DAVE: fuck trolls are so cool
DAVE: can i tell you a secret
KARKAT: SURE, WHY NOT?
DAVE: oh my godd when i first met my boyfriend i was a total loser
DAVE: fucking cringe central in this bitch
DAVE: id write secret little raps about him n shit
DAVE: oh id watch all the corny ass movies he recommended too
DAVE: i even liked a few but DONT tell him i said that
KARKAT: REALLY?
DAVE: ohmygoddd yeah
DAVE: the funniest fucking part of it all
DAVE: id stay up all night looking at all the social media pics he had up
DAVE: and the thing about karkat is that he HATES social media dudes allergic to taking a goddamn picture
DAVE: so i would scroll through through the pictures he was tagged in too, you know, to check his vibes for bro potential
DAVE: little did i know i was a flaming fuckin homo perusing down gay avenue and fruit cake lane
DAVE: can trolls be gay too? idkkk
KARKAT: DEPENDS ON THE PERSON I GUESS. IT’S BEEN KNOWN TO HAPPEN ON OCCASION.
DAVE: thats beautiful
It’s taking everything in you not to just bust out laughing. Maybe a few chuckles made their way out of you, but nothing too crazy. Since when is Dave this much of a sap? Calling it endearing would be the hugest understatement. A blunder even bigger than Eridan’s last Perigee’s Eve dinner.
Instead, you scoot closer, reaching out your hand, and say:
KARKAT: WANNA DANCE?
DAVE: oh baby these three feet were made to dance
KARKAT: …THREE?
DAVE: yeah look
Dave points down at his feet, the same two he’s always had. Gogdamn. How drunk did you get him?
KARKAT: YEAH… YOU’RE OFFICIALLY CUT OFF.
DAVE: aw really?
KARKAT: YES REALLY.
KARKAT: JUNE SAID SHE’D BRING YOU A WATER, WE PROBABLY SHOULD HEAD HOME AFTER THAT. I’M STARTING TO GET AN AGGRAVATION SPONGE LIKE NOBODY’S FUCKING BUSINESS.
DAVE: dude i was joking about taking u home, im loyal breaking no promises
DAVE: sorry but i wont change my man for anyone
DAVE: unless we get permission from the man himself
KARKAT: BABE DO YOU SERIOUSLY NOT REALIZE IT’S ME YET?
KARKAT: IF NOT, KUDOS FOR THE NEXT LEVEL BIT.
He squints, looks you up and down, then says:
DAVE: wait a minute…
DAVE: whats your favorite imagine dragons album?
KARKAT: I WOULD NEVER EVEN CONSIDER LISTENING TO THAT TRITE EAR GRATING SLOP EVEN IF YOU PAID M-
Before you can even finish that sentence, Dave’s lips are already slamming onto your own. Then your forehead… your cheeks… your neck… and just about everywhere else he can reach. For just a moment it really feels like no one else is in the room. By the time he pulls back, Dave’s practically panting while grinning like a total idiot.
DAVE: so it is you
KARKAT: TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH.
DAVE: msorry
DAVE: i love you SO much baby
His hands run down your chest, then up your grub scars. Fuck. Why do you have to still be at this party? You can already feel the trills and clicks slipping out of your throat at the slightest touch.
DAVE: you look so sexy in this outfit dude
DAVE: getting a motherfucker all worked up n shit
KARKAT: SHUT UP.
KARKAT: YOU’RE ONLY SAYING THAT CAUSE YOU’RE DRUNK.
DAVE: nuh uhhhh
DAVE: you shouldve seen my face back at the apartm-
JUNE: uh is thing on?
JUNE: it is!! :0
JUNE: hi everyo-
JADE: (give me that!!! >x0)
Across the block, Jade snatches a microphone out of June’s hand. Wait. Wasn’t she supposed to be grabbing Dave some water? What the hell’s going on now?
DAVE: holy shit
DAVE: its time
KARKAT: HUH?
Dave grins from ear to ear, clearly giddy with excitement. Before you can even ask why, Jade’s already speaking into the mic again.
JADE: hello everybody!!!
JADE: we have a song request for the birthday boy himself :)
JADE: ooooh with a special message too!!
JADE: it says “i love you so so SO much baby happy birthday from the sexist man alive (aka dave strider)”
And then, out of any song he could’ve picked, the Alternian version of Let’s Stay Together by Troll Al Green erupts from the speakers. Y’know, the song from Adventurous Columnist Writes A Piece About How To Leave A Troll In 10 Days; Love Interest Is A Confident Executive With Teeming With Romantic Prowess; The Two Bump Horns Until They Actually Fall In Love. It’s probably one of your favorite movies back from your home planet. Dave’s had to have watched it with you at least a dozen times by now.
KARKAT: DID YOU SERIOUSLY…?
DAVE: yep
KARKAT: I THOUGHT YOU HATED THIS MOVIE.
DAVE: uh
DAVE: s’not terrible i guess
DAVE: still wanna dance baby?
He scratches the back of his neck as he asks, looking anywhere but your actual face, so you just drag him off the couch yourself. The floor’s still pretty crowded, so you settle with staying near the wall instead. It’s not like any of your wasted acquaintances need to see your two left feet ruining this dance anyways.
Dave takes the lead with his hands wrapped around your waist, with yours up on his shoulders. Fuck. He’s so warm. It’s impossible to focus on your steps while he’s wrapped around you like this. The earthy smell of his cologne fills your nose as you look up into his eyes.
KARKAT: SO YOU REALLY DO LIKE SOME OF MY MOVIES THEN?
DAVE: …maybe so haha
There he goes, looking away again. So much for “liquid courage”. All you can do focus on is that red flush across Dave’s cheeks as he gets flustered. The two of you rock back and forth to the tempo of the music, narrowly avoiding stepping on each other’s toes. Maybe you should even the score? It’s not like it’ll hurt anything…
KARKAT: CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING EMBARRASSING TOO?
DAVE: hell yes
KARKAT: REMEMBER WHEN WE SMOKED ON YOUR COUCH FOR THE FIRST TIME? AND JUNE HAD TO FUCKING WATCH ME LIKE SHE WAS MY LUSUS WHILE I TRIED NOT TO HURL ALL OVER YOUR GOGDAMN BATHING BLOCK?
DAVE: mhmmm
DAVE: how could i forget
KARKAT: WHEN YOU LET ME BORROW THAT CHANGE OF CLOTHES, I UH… KIND OF…
DAVE: cmon say itttt
DAVE: now i wanna know babe
KARKAT: I LIED ABOUT LOSING THEM SO I COULD WEAR THEM AROUND THE HOUSE.
DAVE: holy shittt
DAVE: didnt you keep my shirt for almost
DAVE: *hic*
DAVE: a month?
KARKAT: YEAH, I LIKED THE WAY IT SMELLED LIKE YOU, BUT WE HADN’T MADE SHIT OFFICIAL YET… SO I DIDN’T WANNA JUST…
KARKAT: YOU KNOW.
DAVE: make it obvious you had a fat crush on me after we got drunk n made out a couple times?
KARKAT: IT SOUNDS SO PATHETIC WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT.
DAVE: aw
DAVE: i think its sweet
DAVE: didnt help i still thought i straight back then
KARKAT: PFFFT, LIKE ANYONE ELSE DID.
He chuckles as the song wraps up, pulling you into his embrace, then whispers in your ear:
DAVE: jade said we could stay the night…
DAVE: have a bed all to ourselves…
KARKAT: AS FUN AS THAT SOUNDS, YOU HAVE WORK IN THE MORNING.
DAVE: i do?
KARKAT: YEAH, YOU DO.
DAVE: fuck
KARKAT: WANNA JUST SLIP OUT OF HERE? GO BACK TO THE APARTMENT AND PUT THOSE NEW BEDSHEETS TO USE?
DAVE: you read my mind