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Buck doesn’t bother turning the lights on as he steps into the loft. He tosses his keys into the metal key bowl with a dull clink and hauls himself up the stairs and into the shower, where he spends approximately ten minutes just soaking in the hot stream.
He thinks about jerking off, but decides against it—it’s late and it’s been a long day, he’s not sure he can stay upright much longer.
As he steps out, he looks at himself in the foggy bathroom mirror. His curls are going to be a mess tomorrow, they usually are when he goes to bed with wet hair, but that’s a problem for future Buck. Current Buck puts on a t-shirt and a fresh pair of boxers and towel-dries his hair just enough to stop it from dripping onto his shoulders. When he finally collapses into bed, the coolness of the sheets seeps deep into his bones, soothing out some of the tension he didn’t even know he was carrying.
The room lights up in a soft glow.
Are you awake?
The corners of Buck’s lips tug up at the sight of Eddie’s name attached to the text. He replies with a little green frog emoji. There’s no particular reason for it—he just likes getting a reaction out of Eddie. His phone starts buzzing with an incoming call almost immediately.
“I’ll never understand the way you text,” Eddie sighs. Buck grins, satisfied.
“You know, you’re not the first person to say that to me,” he notes lightly.
Eddie clicks his tongue. “And here I thought we had something special.”
“Oh, trust me, I think you’re plenty special.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Buck doesn’t need to see Eddie to know he’s rolling his eyes at him.
Truth be told, he was a mess the first few weeks of Eddie being gone. It’s a dreadful feeling, realizing what you have just as you’re about to lose it and Buck—well, let’s just say he wasn’t handling it well. It only took him a month or so (plus one somewhat terrifying conversation with Athena of all people,) to realize that none of this meant he was actually losing Eddie. Not that he ever had him in the first place. But they could still be friends. Best friends. They just needed to make some adjustments.
They seem to have found their footing now, and Buck is doing much better—it’s nice. Not Eddie being gone, obviously, Buck still wants him and Chris to come back home (and they will!). But this—the late night phone calls, getting to hear Eddie’s smooth, familiar voice at the end of a long day. Even with miles and miles of distance stretching between them, it still never fails to make Buck feel…content. Like he’s standing on solid ground.
“Can’t sleep either?” Eddie asks, there’s a certain huskiness to his voice that Buck knows means he’s a little too tired.
“Just got back from a date actually,” he replies. He props himself up higher on the bed and runs a hand through his still damp hair.
“A date?” Eddie questions. “Didn’t know you had a date today.”
“No, yeah. I uh—don’t think I mentioned it to you. Kind of a last minute thing.”
Eddie hums.
“It wasn’t a big deal, just—you know, casual,” Buck says, mindlessly twisting the hem of his shirt around his finger.
“And?” Eddie asks, dragging the word out.
“And what?”
“How was it? Come on, you’re giving me nothing here, Buck.”
“There’s not much to say about it, honestly? We got beers at a bar a couple blocks away. It was nice. I won’t see him again.”
He didn’t actually plan on going anywhere tonight, but after the shift he has had, he felt like he needed a distraction. It didn’t take more than a few minutes on the apps to find a guy who was hot, available, and willing to meet at a nearby place. And sure—there had been a time when he swore off meaningless hookups for good. But that was before he discovered this huge new thing about himself and then jumped headfirst into a dead-end relationship.
It’s been weeks since he even thought about Tommy, and while getting hit with the realization he’s head over heels for Eddie has been a huge moment, Eddie is still—Eddie. It won’t change a thing between them. So what’s the harm in having a little bit of fun exploring who he is now that he’s single?
“You’ve been on what—three dates in the past two weeks? Are you even giving these people a chance?” Eddie asks. There’s a quiet concern in his voice but there’s a trace of something else there too, something Buck can’t quite place.
“Four,” Buck corrects him even though he’s definitely not making a better case for himself. “And it’s not just me, I don’t think that guy’s expecting a second date either.”
Eddie huffs out an amused breath. “Uh-huh. You sure about that, bud? Something tells me that girl you saw last week is still waiting for your call.”
“Come on, you know exactly why I haven’t called her,” Buck grumbles. The girl in question is someone he went out with exactly one time before she tracked down his Instagram and left a series of really, really creepy comments. Eddie found the whole thing hilarious—still does, apparently.
“Hey, my point still stands,” Eddie laughs.
“I’m glad you find it so amusing, but trust me, this was a totally different situation.”
“Oh? So you’re saying this one didn’t tell you your arms look good enough to eat?”
“I’m saying—that hooking up with your date in a bar bathroom doesn't exactly scream serious relationship,” Buck tells him.
“Wait, seriously?”
“And,” Buck adds, “no further date plans were discussed. He kind of just—left. Not that I was planning on staying much longer.”
“Hence—casual,” Eddie says.
“Exactly.”
“Alright, you got me there.” Buck thinks that if he were there, Eddie would be raising both hands in mock defeat. “Did you have fun at least?”
“I…yeah,” Buck lets out a quiet laugh. His pillow crinkles under his cheek as he flips over onto his stomach. “Yeah, I did. He was, uh, really nice.”
“You mean he was hot,” Eddie translates.
“Well yeah, obviously, I have standards.”
“I’m sure you do,” Eddie teases. “So, which bar did you take him to? Let me guess—that wine bar you like, the one with the two for one deal on Thursdays?”
“Since when are you so interested in my dating life?” Buck asks. It’s not that he and Eddie never talk about dating—they do. They just usually don’t go into that much detail. He used to wonder why that is, which is almost funny to think about now that he knows exactly what the tightness he gets in his chest every time Eddie so much as looks at another person means.
“Hey, I’m always interested,” Eddie protests. “Besides, it sounds more exciting than the night I had—there’s only so much you can say about eating half a pizza and marathoning the first two Fast and Furious movies.”
Buck whistles. “I don’t know, sounds pretty exciting to me.” He pauses before adding, “Christopher’s not there with you?”
“Uh no, he’s staying over at my parents’ tonight,” Eddie’s voice goes soft at the mention of Christopher—like it always does—before shifting back to his regular, teasing tone. “So, come on, humor me.”
“All I can say is that it wasn’t anywhere you and I have been to before.”
“Okay, that actually makes sense. Wouldn’t wanna run into someone you know.”
“Detective Diaz reporting for duty,” Buck jokes dryly.
Eddie doesn’t dignify that with a response. Buck hears the distant sound of a tap turning on, followed by some aggressive brushing. “What did you guys talk about?” Eddie asks around a mouthful of toothbrush.
“I thought we established there wasn’t much talking involved…”
“I once witnessed you have a thirty minute conversation with an Uber driver who didn’t understand a word of English. You’re telling me you had nothing to talk about with this guy?”
“It just wasn’t really interesting, he talked a lot about his job—he works in retail, office supplies mostly—“
“Sexy,” Eddie interjects as he turns off the tap.
“Shut up,” Buck rolls his eyes. “He told me so many facts about pens and pencils, Eddie. I’m not even joking. Do you know how many words an average pen can write before it runs out of ink? Because I do.”
“Any fun facts about clipboards?” Eddie asks. Buck snorts. A faint whooshing sound filters through, probably Eddie climbing into bed. “Anyway, I’m guessing it wasn’t that bad, considering you guys ended up…you know.”
Buck chuckles. “Sorry, did you miss the part where I said he was hot?” And then, just to be annoying he adds: “Like obnoxiously, ridiculously, unbelievably—“
“Okay, okay! I got it!”
“Besides—it’s uh,” Buck swallows, his tone dropping to something just on the verge of too raw. “It’s been a while. Felt like I needed it.”
The brief silence that follows has Buck wondering if maybe he said something wrong, but then Eddie’s voice cuts through it, thick and rumbling.
“Yeah. I, uh, know the feeling.” Eddie clears his throat. “Hey, at least you got to relieve some of that tension, not all of us are so lucky,” he adds after a beat.
“We uh, didn’t quite get to that part, actually.”
Buck doesn’t really mind that he didn’t get to come—he had a good time. He likes the feeling of having the other person fall apart in the palm of his hand. Still, there’s this…restlessness he can’t quite shake, which might explain why the air suddenly seems so much thicker around him.
“You mean you didn’t even…”
“No. I was gonna—you know—before going to sleep,” he stammers.
“Oh,” Eddie says, a little awkwardly.
They’re both quiet for a moment, Buck scrambling for anything to say to steer the conversation to something safer. “You could, uh, try dating too, you know,” he blurts.
“Not sure I’m the kind of guy who hooks up in bar bathrooms, Buck.” Eddie huffs out a laugh.
“Well, maybe you should be,” Buck says, realizing a second too late just how flirty that sounds.
“Nah, don’t think I’d be any good at that.”
“I don’t know, I think I see some potential.” He’s never seen Eddie be bad at anything, no reason for this to be any different.
“Yeah? Think I have what it takes?” Eddie asks, with a challenge in his voice.
And because he apparently no longer has anything resembling a brain to mouth filter Buck says: “I mean, with an ass like that who wouldn’t—“ Eddie cuts him off with a burst of laughter, deep and roaring.
“No, no, sorry!” he says, trying to calm himself. “Go on. What were you saying about my ass?”
“Please, you know how you look…” Buck says. Because it’s true. Eddie is hot, that’s just a fact.
“So, theoretically,” Eddie sounds absolutely delighted, “if we didn’t know each other, you’d hook up with me in a public bathroom?”
“Theoretically—I mean, do you want a serious answer?”
Eddie hesitates for a moment.
“Yeah,” he says quietly, all traces of humor gone from his voice. “Tell me.”
“Probably,” Buck says. Then a little firmer—“Definitely.”
“Okay,” he hears Eddie exhale. “That’s good.”
“Good…”
“Yeah, you know, be nice to have someone show me the ropes,” Eddie rasps, and Buck feels hot all over, like someone just lit a match at the very base of his stomach.
For the record, none of this is Buck’s fault. Sure, he’s been a little on edge since coming back from that date, but it’s not like he was gonna do anything about it. He was just going to jerk off and fall asleep like a normal person, right after finishing this conversation with Eddie. But now—his mind is racing with a hundred different images; Eddie on his knees on the dirty bathroom stall. Eddie’s mouth, pink and hot and waiting. Buck’s hands in Eddie’s hair, on his body. Eddie’s dark eyes looking up from under his eyelashes. Eddie’s cock hanging hard and heavy between his legs. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
His body reacts before his brain does, hips rocking into the mattress. Fuck.
“How does it usually go, in a situation like this?” For all intents and purposes, Eddie isn’t saying anything weird or suggestive. But still, there’s something about the way he carries the sentence—voice one octave lower than usual—that’s making Buck’s head spin. He feels his cock swell up even more in his boxers.
“I mean, it’s uh, not that complicated…”
“Smartass,” Eddie says in a low, teasing tone that has Buck rolling his hips down again. He bites back a sound threatening to break past his lips. “I just mean—how does it happen? One moment you’re having a conversation and then the next…”
“Okay so,” Buck licks his lips, mostly in an attempt to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth. “With this guy it was pretty obvious that we were both um, into each other. Physically.”
“How—“
“You can just tell. Like the way he was looking at me, I don’t know, like—shamelessly checking me out.”
“What uh,” Eddie pauses, clearing his throat. ”What were you wearing?”
And that is such a line. Buck almost wants to tease Eddie about it, except he’s so hard he’s pretty sure there’s not an ounce of blood left to fuel his brain right now.
“Black jeans. And that light blue sweater with the buttons at the top.”
“Okay.”
“Glad you approve of my wardrobe choices.”
“I do,” Eddie says, his voice low and rough enough to drive Buck a little insane. “So he was checking you out, then what happened?”
Buck swallows, the words feel heavy in his mouth. “Like I said, we had a few drinks, talked a little bit. Then he told me he needed to use the restroom and he—he gave me this nod, right as he was getting up.”
“So you followed him…”
“I did.”
“And he was waiting for you there?”
“Yes. He was already—“ Buck stops, suddenly uncertain. “Um, how much detail should I go into here?”
The thing is—if Buck had to put a name to what they’re currently doing he'd say they’re flirting. Which is mind altering on it’s own, frankly, but there’s also a big difference between flirting and wherever this is going. It’s a big red line Buck never thought they’d cross and right now it’s burning hot under the soles of his feet where he stands on it. He just needs to know for sure that Eddie is there, ready to cross that line with him. Preferably before the fire consumes him entirely.
“As much as you like, Buck,” Eddie says, his voice is steady, confident.
Okay then.
“He was already half hard when I got there,” Buck says and Eddie’s breath hitches. “Said he couldn’t wait for me to get my hands on him.”
“So you got him off with just your hands?” Eddie’s voice cracks on the last word.
Buck can’t help but grind lazily into the mattress again at that. He rolls his hips once, twice, then forces himself to stop, breathing hard through his nose. He grips his pillow tightly with one hand, trying to regain some control. His other hand clutches his phone hard enough for his knuckles to turn white.
“Yeah. Yes. I uh, I used my spit.”
On the other end of the line, Eddie spits.
Fuck.
“This okay?” Eddie whispers.
“Yeah,” Buck replies, his voice catching.
He can’t hear the slick sound of Eddie working his cock with his spit covered hand but the thought alone has Buck helplessly grinding his hips down, face buried in the pillow. Eddie lets out a low, strangled groan that strikes Buck like a live wire, making his hips stutter. He feels a wet spot beginning to form at the front of his boxers where he’s leaking. It’s making the already harsh drag of his cock against the material almost unbearable. It’s too much. It’s not nearly enough. He needs—
“Is that what you would do if it were me?” Eddie murmurs, and Buck honestly can’t remember what he’s talking about.
“What?” he asks.
“Get me off with your hands?” Eddie’s voice is barely a whisper.
Buck shivers. He bites on the inside of his cheek and flips over onto his back, then kicks at the blanket until it’s piled at his feet. “No,” he shakes his head despite the fact that Eddie can’t actually see him. “I’d take my time with you. Start by taking your shirt off, getting my hands all over you—“ He drags his own hand slowly up his body, under his shirt, going from his navel to his heaving chest. “Your chest, your shoulders, your hips. I’d take my time kissing your neck, getting you all hot. Fuck, Eddie. Do you know how gorgeous you are?”
Eddie exhales heavily. “How are you so good at this?” he murmurs.
Buck’s hips rock up involuntarily at the praise.
He keeps talking.
“I’d run both hands down your back, slowly all the way to that perfect ass. Then I’d let my hands slip right into the back of your jeans and push us flush together, feel how hard you are for me.”
“So fucking hard—Jesus Christ, Buck,” Eddie pants. Buck can only imagine what Eddie looks like right now—the heavy rise and fall of his chest, the tight shift of his muscles under his skin, the pink flush in his cheeks, how impossibly dark his eyes must look.
“Fuck. I wish I could see you right now,” Buck says.
“Me too. Fuck—” Eddie lets out a heaving breath. “Wanna touch you.”
Buck would give just about anything to have Eddie’s big, gorgeous hands on him—grabbing him, pinning him down, touching everywhere they can reach. He shudders, his skin breaking out in goosebumps as he runs his hand up the inside of his thigh. His cock throbs, begging to be touched. Buck moves his hand back up to his stomach, fingers just barely grazing the waistband of his boxers.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this when you’re hundreds of miles away. D’you know how crazy you make me?”
Eddie grunts. “Think I might—have some idea.”
Buck cups himself through his boxers—they’re already ruined, soaked through with the precome he keeps steadily leaking. “Fuck, I’m so fucking wet for you, Eddie, you have no idea. Wouldn’t even need lube to fuck you, I could just—“ The words die in his throat. would Eddie want what? He’s not even sure if Eddie is into men that way. This could just be a—
Eddie whines.
Holy shit.
“Fuck,” Buck pushes his underwear out of the way, kicks it down and off completely. He uses his palm to smear some of the precome that’s gathered at the tip down to the rest of his length. The touch is light but it feels so good it sends his eyes rolling back. “You-you want that? Want to feel my hard cock splitting you open? Want me to fuck you?” he pants.
He gets a quiet, broken hum in response.
“Say it.”
“Fuck me,” Eddie grits out.
Buck is so turned on he’s almost dizzy with it. He starts stroking himself in a slow, steady rhythm, his grip tight and hot as he fucks into it. “I’ll get on my knees for you first, take that thick, gorgeous cock into my mouth.” His hand starts moving faster and he throws his head back, closing his eyes. “Would you fuck my face if I asked? Fuck, Eddie—I can take it. I can take you so deep down my throat. Let you fuck my mouth until your knees are shaking. All while I’m working you open with my fingers.”
Eddie groans. “That’s so fucking hot. So good for me, Buck.”
Buck’s voice breaks on a ragged whimper. “Fuck.” He stills his hand and squeezes the base of his cock hard to stop himself from coming.
Eddie curses under his breath. “Yeah?” he rasps. “You like that? Like hearing how good you are?”
“Eddie, please.” He doesn’t know what he’s begging for but he needs. Something. His hand starts moving again, a little slower than before but it’s enough to make his toes curl. “Fuck, baby.”
Eddie lets out a sound that’s between a groan and a cry, and it’s the hottest thing Buck has ever heard. “Fuck. I’m so close,” Eddie exhales sharply like he’s trying to ground himself.
Buck’s ear is hot where he’s pressing the phone against it as hard as he can, he needs to hear every single beautiful sound Eddie is making. “Come on, want to hear you,” he murmurs.
He listens as Eddie’s heavy breaths start to get shorter, turning into quick shallow huffs. It doesn’t take much longer after that. Eddie comes with a low, guttural sound that almost sounds like Buck’s name. Buck feels a wave of heat pulse through him—starting from the joists of his spine, spreading all the way down to his toes. He manages to push his shirt up and out of the way at the last moment before whole body shudders, his back arching off the bed. his cock twitches in his hand as he comes and comes and comes—spilling all over his fist and belly and chest.
“That’s it,” Eddie breathes, “good boy.” And fuck, that makes Buck’s entire body spasm again—almost like a second orgasm hitting him—his cock pulsing out one last spurt of come.
For a moment Buck just lays there, trying to catch his breath. “Holy fuck,” he says, slowly blinking his eyes open.
He looks down on the mess he’s made. He thinks about snapping a photo and sending it to Eddie but he’s not sure how many more lines he’s allowed to cross tonight. Despite his best efforts, the shirt didn’t quite make it, so he pulls it off over his head and throws it in the general direction of the laundry basket. He puts his phone on speaker and drops it next to him on the bed, propping himself up on one elbow to reach for the box of tissues he keeps on the nightstand.
Realizing Eddie hasn’t said anything in a while, Buck speaks—“Eddie?”
“I’m here.”
“Thought you hung up.”
“No I—no. I wouldn’t do that,” Eddie says, voice firm but gentle.
Buck smiles to himself. “That was…” he trails off.
Silence stretches between them again.
“Fuck, it’s uh,” Eddie’s throat clicks as he swallows. “It’s kind of late,” he says. Buck looks at the time—it is late. And El Paso is an hour ahead so it’s even later for Eddie. It still feels a little bit like rejection.
“Of course, yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean to hold you up.”
Buck feels the all too familiar sting of anxiety creeping in. He doesn’t want things to get weird between them. And if Eddie is regretting this, if he’s ashamed, or worse, if he thinks Buck took advantage somehow…
“Same time tomorrow?” Eddie asks. He’s obviously trying to lighten the mood, which Buck is thankful for.
“I uh, have a shift.”
“So that’s how it is now? We have phone-sex once and now that’s all I'm good for?”
“N-no, Eddie, I’m not—I didn’t mean—“
Eddie lets out a soft chuckle. “Relax, man, I’m kidding.”
Buck‘a lips twitch into a smile, already feeling lighter. “Dick,” he says, exhaling a quiet laugh.
“Careful,” Eddie warns playfully, “that might get me going again.”
“Right, like you could go again right now.”
“Wanna check?”
They both burst out laughing at the same time and Buck feels his shoulders relax as he slips back into the easy, comfortable feeling he always gets when he’s talking to Eddie. He bites his lip, smiling.
“Call me when you have time tomorrow, yeah?” Eddie says.
“Yeah okay.”
“Okay, so, I'm gonna—“
”H-hey, uh, can I ask you a question?” Buck cuts in.
“Shoot.”
“How are you not freaking out right now?” he asks carefully.
Eddie chuckles. “Oh, trust me, I am. Or—maybe not right now, but possibly in the next few minutes. Definitely tomorrow morning. I think my brain just turned off for a moment there, it’s still reloading.”
“That good, huh?” Buck grins. “Should we talk about this though?” he asks after a beat.
“Tomorrow.” Eddie promises softly. “But I, uh, wouldn’t be opposed to doing this again. Just so we’re clear.”
“Just so we’re clear, me neither.” Buck would probably cut off his own foot if it meant he’d get to hear Eddie make those noises again, but that’s neither here nor there.
“Good,” Eddie says, and Buck can hear the smile in his voice. “And who knows, maybe when I’m back we could even do it in person.”
“Do it in person? Eddie, are you talking about us having sex?”
“I don’t know, am I?” Eddie asks playfully.
Buck groans dramatically.
Eddie chuckles. “I really do need to hang up. Long day tomorrow and all that,” he says.
“Okay. Call me if you start freaking out, okay?” Buck says.
“Goodnight, Buck.”
The silence that hangs around the room once they hang up is strange but not unwelcome. Buck thinks that maybe he should be freaking out but there’s a warmth that lingers in his chest, making everything feel lighter. He sinks deeper into the bed and shuts his eyes. He doesn’t fall asleep right away, just lies there listening to the street noises filtering through, somehow clearer than before.
When sleep finally pulls him under he dreams of strong arms and brown eyes.