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“Luffy!” He hears Chopper’s scream just as his arm snaps back from the recoil, the reindeer’s hooves frantically galloping. “Don’t let her touch you!”
Luffy feels his focus wavering for a second and then there’s something touching his skin, cold and slimy. He looks down. The woman in front of him that's already lying on the ground grins at him, her teeth bloody.
“Gotcha,” she says, excitement making her giddy. “Now you will-”
Luffy’s not really interested in what she has to say. He cuts her off, kicking his foot free from where she’s grabbing his ankle and then stomps on her hand. Something cracks and she screams.
Chopper appears next to them in his horn point, the full animal’s body trembling. “Did she touch you?!”
“Ah,” Luffy says and the woman again starts laughing between her pained gasps. “Yeah.”
She manages to escape as Chopper runs to Luffy in a panicked flurry and Luffy stops standing on her hand, distracted with his alarmed doctor.
—
“Don’t be silly,” Luffy says some time later to Chopper as the doctor worries around him in a flurry, sticking all kinds of machines to his body. The what-they’re-called-thingies feel cold and uncomfortable on his chest, the tingle more disorienting than Luffy’s used to. He ignores it.
They’re sitting in a med bay, Chopper’s quiet sniffling almost inaudible, but Luffy is used to being sensitive to all kinds of things from his crewmates.
“No worrying, Captain’s orders.”
Chopper looks at him stubbornly, his little hooves trembling. “I will worry as much as I want to. Doctor’s orders.”
“Let him check you out,” Nami says softly from the door, leaning on it with one shoulder. “But Luffy’s right, Chopper. Don’t get into a frenzy, everything is fine for now.”
Luffy laughs. His skin is humming. “Of course everything is fine! We’re all here. Those guys were just stupid.”
What he doesn’t say: if the woman’s power was to make the most valuable thing to you vanish, I would watch all of you disappear, again. He can’t imagine there being any truth to what Chopper has figured out, if all of his crewmates are here, tittering at the edge of his consciousness, Sunny’s warm cradle carrying them once again towards an adventure.
Nami doesn’t say anything for a while, biting the corner of her lip. Chopper’s also silent, looking intently at the beeping machine that’s making Luffy irritated with its noise, some squiggly lines appearing and disappearing. He huffs out a big breath.
“But it makes sense for the things that happened at the village,” she says after a while as Luffy gears up to rip out the cables and run away from Chopper. “People losing money, food, that one guy went bald–”
“Oh, he was funny,” Luffy says, his plans for an escape momentarily forgotten. Nami is talented like that. “Kept crying and stuff.”
“Luffy,” Nami scolds him, but he can see her fighting a smile. He grins at her. “We wanted to know what was going on and maybe she was the reason, in some bizarre way.”
“I didn’t fight with her because of the bald guy, Nami,” he says. “That’s stupid. But it was mean of her to take that girl’s doll.”
“You’re fine,” Chopper announces, interrupting whatever Nami wants to say. Luffy sees some movement and looks down. Chopper starts removing the thingies and something in Luffy reverberates. His eyes are glued to his doctor’s hooves dancing along his chest. “Heart looks fine, lungs too. No abnormal response from the nervous system and– Luffy?”
Luffy looks at Chopper’s face and smiles. Something deep, deep down in him trembles, a part that’s been dusty and full for years. His skin is almost sizzling, now. “Yeah?”
“You okay? You looked a little strange for a second.”
Luffy sees Nami stepping towards them and jumps from the bed, finally free, stretching. “Sure! But I’m hungry! Told you it was fine!” He reaches down, his teeth gritting to ignore the plummet of his heart. Touches Chopper’s furry head to pat it and then feels-
Nothing.
So maybe those guys weren’t stupid, after all.
“You clear?” Zoro asks him from his napping spot as Luffy lands near him on the grass, the birds passing through the sky casting a shadow on his body.
“Sure,” Luffy says and the lie feels sticky in his mouth. He dislikes this, not saying everything immediately to Zoro. But he– He has to be sure.
Zoro huffs out a sound of amusement. “Would be lame for some doll-snatcher to snatch something from you.”
“Don’t forget hair-snatcher, too,” Luffy says, and thinks he would prefer being bald from whatever the girl probably did to him. Too bad his hair is not high on his priorities list. He leans down and grins at Zoro, his swordsman not opening his eye even as Luffy drops down behind his head. “Though–”
“Hm?” Zoro says, maybe sensing Luffy’s unease. He looks at him, upside down, his hair messily falling on his forehead.
“Was boring without Zoro there,” he says and with his heart in his throat he reaches, for once thinking about it, not doing it instinctively and on a whim. If this is—
His hands touch Zoro’s cheeks, smushing them as he always does. He sees them touching, the skin of Zoro’s face slightly denting from Luffy’s fingers. Zoro even lets out a sound of protest, that familiar grunt of his when Luffy’s grabby hands snatch him. And yet—
Yet, despite seeing it, Luffy feels nothing on his fingers - not the skin, not the warmth, or the sweat, or the prickle of a stubble, as if he’s holding his hands in the air. But he’s touching Zoro, pulling at his jaw upside down as he does when he wants to bother his swordsman. He just cannot feel it.
“Ah,” Luffy says quietly and Zoro stops his protests. He grabs Luffy’s wrist, worry in his eye. His touch is probably tight, warm, firm. Zoro always grabs him like this.
Too bad he doesn’t feel it.
“Can’t believe the bald guy was right,” he just says and a void opens up in his stomach.
—
Luffy can’t really remember when that gnawing abyss formed in him. Gramps sometimes ruffled his hair or threw him in the air or grabbed his body like a sack and Luffy swallowed it whole, like he always did with his hunger. There was Makimo and her gentle hands wiping his face; Shanks hitting his back while laughing obnoxiously; even Uta throwing herself at him with a screech, wanting to scratch his eyes out for winning a bet. Luffy takes it all and it’s still too little, him devouring and not having enough, like a beast everyone tells him he is.
There’s kicks from Ace, shakes from Dadan, throttling from Sabo - in time, this too changes, hands gentling and fingers not biting anymore. But his devil fruit made him into a well of famine, the things satisfying him before not being enough anymore. Every time he gets something new, he still craves, throwing himself at his brothers, arms stretching and wrapping long limbs around, legs kicking in the night, fingers burrowing into shirts.
For so much time touch was the only thing he had, no matter the shape. It was never enough, never long or gentle or swallowing him whole, nestled in its belly as he craved to do. But Luffy is selfish; he takes and he takes and he takes.
He’s eight when his brother dies, so he holds Ace’s arm, desperate for anything. He’s nine when he runs to Makimo every time he’s in town, throwing himself at her amidst her laughter. He’s ten when Ace leaves for a few days, so he glues himself to Dadan’s legs. He’s twelve when Gramps visits and between running and screeching, he throws himself at his Gramps’ back, nails biting into his neck. He’s fourteen and—
He’s seventeen and he finds his first mate, his hands supporting his weight from the cross as he cuts the ropes.
(“Are you always like this?” Zoro asks sometime between one day and another, the skin on his nose flaking from the sunburn as they drift on the open sea.
“Like what,” Luffy says, bored out of his mind, his legs thrown on his crewmate’s lap. He picks at his ear, his hat covering his upper face so he doesn’t end up with a dumb itchy nose like Zoro.
A finger taps his ankle. “Like this. Touchy.”
“I guess,” Luffy says, tipping back his hat so he can look at his swordsman. He grins at him and his raised brow. “Never thought about it.” He giggles and tucks his heels into the soft part of Zoro’s thighs.
Zoro hums, but doesn’t do anything else, simply resigned to yet another thing in his life. They already knew each other for a few days.)
He’s seventeen and he holds his brother tight in his arms, blood warm and wet, with a tangy smell. Ace’s hands grab him, tight despite his waning strength.
He’s nineteen; and he's hugging Chopper, and sitting on Franky’s shoulders, and carrying Usopp on his back, and putting his head on Robin’s lap—
He’s nineteen and some dumb doll-hair-whatever snatcher took something and it made the gnawing chasm rip open, like a wound that cuts Luffy’s rubber body apart. He feels like he’s floating, and not in a fun way, his tether yanked away, seven again and running behind boys that were kicking him into ravines as he laughed, happy to be given this much.
—
He sits at Sunny’s head, staring at the sky, watching the clouds change shape. He wonders how Nami is able to tell anything from these silly things - most of the time, the only thing they tell Luffy is that he’s hungry because he stared too long at them.
He didn’t say anything yet, not really sure how. It’s not exactly like him, but he’s not fond of worrying his crew. And they would worry, frantic hands checking him and touching him, with a pressure he wouldn’t be able to feel.
“Aggghh,” he says into the sky and the clouds ignore him. If this was a normal day, he would’ve already launched himself at Usopp, egging him on to play, legs wrapping around his back. He misses the feel of Chopper’s fluffy head and antlers poking into him, misses the kick of Sanji’s leg as he sneaks into the kitchen, misses his crew as if they’re not a few steps away from him, Luffy aware of their presence and warmth.
But it’s such a basic part of himself that Luffy feels shaken in a way that he hasn’t for a long time. Sure, they’re all here - but how can he be with them, if not with his limbs and fingers and knees and nails—
“Captain,” Brook says behind him just as Luffy senses someone coming and Luffy hums at him, not looking away from the sky. “Is everything alright? We are a little worried.”
Luffy licks his lips. They shouldn’t worry for him over stupid things - but of course they do, otherwise they wouldn’t be his.
“I like sitting here,” Luffy says. “Being close to Sunny, making sure she knows we’re grateful.” At least he can still feel her wood, the strong ship not disappearing beneath his hands like everyone else. He imagines she would never let him go, gently swaying on the sea as she carries him forward and beyond, nestled amongst her.
“You worried our swordsman a while ago, you know,” Brook says and Luffy looks at him from the corner of his eyes.
“He’s a worrywart, he’ll be fine,” he says but his heart is not in it. “Brook. I have a question.”
“Ask away, captain.”
“How does it feel like? Us touching you and you not having skin to feel it.”
“Straightforward as always, I see." A huff of laughter. "What can I say, even though it’s true that I don’t have the nerves to feel your touch, the pressure of it always reminds me you’re all here.”
Luffy turns to look at him and the empty eye sockets stare at him. Even though Brook doesn’t have lips, he can imagine his gentle smile.
“It is a joy to reach out and meet someone in the middle. I don’t think about it as not feeling it. Being within this crew means I’m never without it.”
That answer doesn’t help Luffy but he doesn’t say anything. He sighs. Looks at his hands.
“Thanks, Brook.”
“Is there anything I can help you with?”
Luffy thinks back on the bloody teeth, bones crunching beneath his foot - maybe if they killed her this wouldn’t end like this. But Luffy doesn’t enjoy killing and it seemed a little overkill as a punishment for some stolen goods, even if one of them was a precious doll. Who would’ve thought.
“Not really,” he says. He feels anger simmering low beneath his skin, anger at someone taking from him, like they have any right. “Let’s go eat.” They’re all still here - how stupid this girl was, thinking she was taking the most valuable thing away from him.
Brook hums under his breath (though he doesn’t need to breathe, silly skeleton) and reaches with his hand towards Luffy. Luffy instead stretches his arm to grab a railing above the kitchens, ignoring someone’s annoyed squawk, and grabs Brook with another, grinning at his musician.
He doesn’t feel bones poking into his skin, sharp and cold. He watches as his arm winds around and around Brook, and despite seeing the resistance of Brook’s being, he can’t feel it. He worries for a second that he could crush him, not sensing how tight he can grab.
Brook softly chuckles as they shoot away from Sunny’s head, grabbing his hat so it doesn’t get away with the wind. The journey is not a long one, the rubber of Luffy’s arm springing them away, but his bones still rattle with the impact along with his laughter.
—
Chopper wails when Luffy finally tells him some time, after a lunch of not feeling hands stopping him from reaching for food. Once his arm bounces back and strikes him in the face, leaving him dazed and confused as his crew wailed with laughter - he didn’t sense someone prying his fingers away, not looking in that direction. But not feeling the touch doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect him, as showcased by the red mark on his forehead.
“Nothing?” Chopper asks, standing behind him, his voice thick. Luffy thinks he probably is doing something to his back with his clever little hooves.
“Nah,” he says, his knee bouncing. He adores every little nook of his ship, but the med bay makes his irritation grow and grow today.
“Close your eyes, captain,” comes Robin’s soft voice from somewhere around and Luffy closes them, his subconscious pricking at him with unease. He trusts everyone here - but some primal part of his brain, trained in suddenly being kicked down towards crocodile’s jaws, makes his skin sizzle with electricity, unsure of what can happen to his body even with haki. This is so weird, not seeing and not feeling; it’s like he’s seventeen again, people suddenly appearing and hitting him with no way of stopping them.
The tingling brush of air on his arm makes him open his eyes just as he feels a sharp prick of pain.
“Agh, Robin!” he whines, watching the hands disappear along with a shiny needle. “Why did you prick me?!”
“So it’s not the nerve endings that are affected,” Robin muses, sitting on a chair in the corner, her dark eyes analytical. He loves when his archeologist is interested in things - just not when the things include him being stabbed with little things. “You react to stimuli - air, pain. Do you feel the temperature?” A hand appears in a flurry of petals, cold metal touching his belly. His stomach's muscles flex, getting away from the cold cube.
“Yes,” he says huffily, throwing her a stinky eye. “That was mean.”
“Sorry, captain,” Robin answers. She watches him for a few seconds, her fingers twitching and Luffy looks to the side, seeing gentle hands grabbing his shoulder. Nothing - he just sensed a presence near him. “And here-?”
“Nope,” he says.
Chopper wails.
“Shh, doctor,” Robin says, softly. She stands up and comes up to Luffy, standing above him as he sits. Her hair is gathered up in a loose ponytail, some strands sticking to her neck. She looks lovely, as she always does. Her clever hands, with long fingers that often pat his head or brush away his hair with gentleness Luffy always can’t get enough of, reach out to him and cradle his cheek. He misses the feeling of her soft skin, bony knuckles knocking against his ear. He can still smell her flowery scent, the air hot of where her touch is. Just nothing else - not even the pressure, like Brook does.
“And here?” she asks.
“No,” he says and sighs. “This sucks.”
“It does,” she agrees, her eyes flickering towards their doctor. “You’re sure that her devil fruit made her take things most valuable to a person?” she asks Chopper, but she’s not letting go of Luffy. He’s a little glad, even if it still doesn’t feel like anything.
Chopper clears his throat. “I figured it out after talking with the granny that had a granddaughter who lost her doll. They - she and her husband - saw the woman walking around, agitated that no one would sell her food. They also refused her, after that she slapped the man and he suddenly forgot his wife. The woman was apparently grinning and as the granny was trying to calm him down from panicking, the child kicked her, got grabbed, and her doll went missing. Luffy and I at first just met the girl and—”
Luffy stops listening around the second word that Chopper says. He’s not interested in whys and hows - that’s their job. He’s only interested in how to make it stop, so he can go throw himself at his navigator as she draws her maps and feel her hands prying him off of her.
He leans towards Robin, putting more pressure of his cheek on her hand - his head cannot really move forward, but there’s still nothing. It’s like an invisible air stopping him from leaning further, only the invisible air is Robin’s hand. He frowns.
“Oh, captain,” Robin says after Chopper stops talking, his voice no longer shaking. His brave little doctor - Luffy’s so proud of him and angry at making him worry. “We will fix it.”
“I know you will,” he says, confused, because why wouldn’t they? It just sucks for now.
Robin smiles at him, that lovely little smile of hers.
—
“Incoming!” Luffy hears Franky bellowing and he turns around, seeing something flying at him in a fast blur. He reaches out with his arms, not thinking about it, and then he’s knocked to the ground. Something flies at him and the hit of it makes him lose balance, even though the only thing Luffy feels is the pain of his butt hitting the ground.
Chopper’s high giggles fill the air.
“Usopp bro, you alright?” Franky shouts from somewhere on the other side of the deck. Luffy looks down and sees his arms full of charred Usopp. The sniper grins at him.
“I’m a-ok!” Usopp answers and then starts coughing, puffing a small cloud of black powder. Luffy whacks him on the back a few times, calculating the strength. “Great Captain Usopp tamed the cannon, as suspected!”
“I wanna get shot from the cannon,” Luffy whines, flopping fully down on the grass with Usopp.
“No shooting the captain from the cannon!” Nami cries out from above where she’s gathering the tangerines.
“Nami!” Luffy moans at her, deeply wounded. “Why they can but I can’t?”
“Knowing them, they would shoot you so far that you would plunk right into the sea, and then what,” Zoro answers from where he’s lying next to them.
Usopp, his weight fully settled on Luffy, puts his hands flat on his captain's chest and leans his chin on them. If there’s one benefit to all of this, is the way Luffy cannot feel the heaviness crushing him - though he misses it all the same.
“Then we would shoot Usopp after me and he would fish me out,” Luffy explains, grinning sideways at his swordsman.
“I’m afraid I have the cannot-be-shot-at-the-sea disease, captain,” Usopp says. “Just our lawn.”
“Traitor,” Luffy mumbles. Usopp flicks him on the forehead and Luffy squawks, instinctively.
“You feel that?”
“Kinda,” Luffy says and then Usopp rolls away from him, sitting on his heels.
“What if I hit you really hard in the face?”
“Do not beat each other up,” comes Nami’s voice.
“I don’t want you to hit me in the face.” Luffy sulks. “Probably would just feel the bruise.”
“Huh,” Usopp says and then there’s silence. Luffy rolls backwards and plops on his butt. He watches the sun shine down at them and then looks at Zoro.
Zoro is already watching him, his gaze a little unnerving, stripping Luffy down to his bones as he often does. Luffy smiles at him, ignoring it.
“Zoro, would you get into the cannon to fish me out?”
“No,” Zoro says. Luffy starts laughing at the obvious lie.
“Incoming!” Franky shouts once again, and then Chopper starts soaring the sky, flying way higher than Usopp had. His high scream fills the air as he floats beyond Sunny and Nami starts swearing, running to the rail.
“Franky!” she screams, enraged. Zoro is already diving into the sea, predicting where Chopper will land, his swords laying next to Luffy.
“You only said no shooting the captain from the cannon, sis!” Franky answers as they watch Zoro swimming up, Chopper puffing up into his guard point and bouncing up the waves. “Forgot to calculate how small and buoyant lil bro is, damn.”
They fish him out without having to shoot Zoro after him - that’s kinda lame.
“That wasn’t fun,” Chopper whines as Zoro finally drags him up. He shakes his fur dry. “Franky!”
“Sorry, little bro,” Franky apologizes. “We have to calculate differently next time–”
“No shooting anyone from the cannon right now!” Nami says, kicking the cannon away with her heel. “I swear to god–”
“A shame,” Robin says, her bright voice lifted by giggles, sunbathing next to Nami. Nami rolls her eyes at her.
“Boo!” Luffy says. Zoro starts walking towards him and his swords, shaking his head to dry the wet hair. Luffy blows a raspberry and out of instinct parts his arms and legs just as Zoro plops down on him. “Uff,” Luffy says. His arms and legs feel empty even as he tightens them around his swordsman. He feels the wet clothes chilling his skin.
“Sorry,” Zoro says into his belly. His breath is warm. Luffy’s fingers itch and yet he cannot do anything to calm the itch.
Luffy lays his hands on Zoro’s wet hair and his discomfort grows. He hates this - hates feeling so far away from his body, so disconnected.
“Luffy,” Nami says down to him from the balcony. He leans his head up to her. “We’re turning back to the island, is that alright? We’re not that far away and we can make the woman explain this to us.”
“Or kill her,” Zoro mumbles into Luffy’s belly. The puff of air makes his stomach flex.
Luffy wants to mock him, but something stops him - she took something away from him, something so important that he didn’t have a clue it was until it was gone. His fingers flex on Zoro’s head and Luffy feels the water dampening his clothes, but that’s it - if he closed his eyes it would be as if he had his arms and legs wrapped around air, no pressure, no touch, nothing. Something grows in his chest, enraged.
“Okay,” he answers Nami and she smiles down at him. Something explodes somewhere at the other side of Sunny and Franky’s laughter shakes the ship. Nami ignores it.
“At least you’re not bald,” she says and Zoro starts laughing.
—
(Luffy’s eighteen when the silence gets to him.
He’s not a baby, cannot really be. He’s alone now and the only one still standing among the previous three that knew him as one. And now he’s eighteen.
He wants to scream how unfair it is, but the fight burned out somewhere around the first months, Jinbe’s words echoing in his head. Now, he’s just alone with the stars between training and meditating. Rayleigh comes and goes, and his voice is a nice timbre between the smacks and lessons.
He’s so curious and hungry for anything from his crew, but they’re smart and he hears nothing about them from Hancock’s people when they bring him stuff, even as he asks. He’s proud of them, of course he is, but the lack of knowledge sometimes eats at him. Are they alright? Did they land somewhere fun? Have Zoro’s injuries from the Bear Guy healed already? (Of course they have, he’s Zoro.)
He feels cold and alone, even as the big kitty from the jungle nestles next to him, Luffy’s hand lazily petting the fur.
“Today is my birthday,” he says to the night air. “Or at least I think so? Kinda hard to know the days, honestly. Rayleigh said that it's like a year left now.”
He can see the cake Sanji would make him, towering big and filled with everything, with candles at the top - he feels hungry just thinking about it. They would sit all together and Chopper would hang on his shoulder, fascinated by human birthdays, and Robin would kiss his head, wishing him the best. He would hug all of them tight, laughter spilling, bony hands digging into his body.
He lays his hand on his chest.
“I’m getting stronger,” he says to the air. The yawning gap in him is wide and all-encompassing. He’s all alone, no brothers to hug at night under the sky, no crew to lay on at the deck, no sand beneath his back as fingers play with his hair. But if this is the price for strength, it’s hardly a high price to pay.
Ace is dead. He knows this.
Sabo is dead. He knows this.
Everyone else is okay. He hopes.
The tiger next to him rumbles and Luffy smiles at it.
“You’re right,” he says. “I’m being silly. Time to go to sleep.”)
—
“Thought you would lose the meat or something, if it’s true,” Sanji says with forced nonchalance when Luffy raids his kitchen, the kick half-hearted at best. He’s not even putting up a fight, leaning against the counter as Luffy munches on his treasure.
“Sanji!” he gasps, horrified. “Don’t say that!”
They’re a little dumb now, his crew - some are walking around him uncertain, some try to act as if everything is fine. Everything is not fine, but it’s also not a reason to be sad or confused - Luffy lost something and he’s gonna get it back. It’s simple.
“Of all things…” Sanji murmurs to himself, lost in thought. Luffy ignores him, more important things in his hands and mouth. “Thought Chopper was panicking for no reason when I saw the hat.”
Luffy looks at him under the brim of his hat, his eyes unreadable.
“Stupid Sanji,” he huffs. “I would never lose the hat.”
“Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” Sanji says. He grabs Luffy’s cheek just as he swallows, stretching it out. “Nothing?”
“‘ffing,” Luffy mumbles out, inaudible around the forced open mouth. He leans back and the skin snaps back from Sanji’s fingers. “Stop being mean.”
“I’m not being mean, I’m confused,” Sanji rolls his eyes. “What do you think I would lose?”
Luffy doesn’t want to think about it. No one is gonna lose anything, he’s gonna get this girl before he lets her.
“Oi, Moss,” Sanji says towards the doors. “Would you lose the booze or the swords?”
“I’m not stupid enough to let her touch me,” Zoro says from the entrance.
“Hey,” Luffy says, offended.
“You absolutely would let her touch you.”
He feels the presence and warmth and watches as Zoro lays his hand heavily on his shoulder. At least he thinks it’s heavy - Zoro always puts a lot of weight when leaning on Luffy, the big dumdum. He watches the fingers flex as they tighten and a smile grows on his face.
It’s nice. Even if he can’t feel it… It’s nice.
“The swords, dumbass,” Zoro says and he’s not exactly lying, but Luffy feels something off from his tone. Maybe it’s like with him - the crew are the most valuable thing to him, but the devil fruit took something else, something connected but buried deeper. “You? I hope your legs would disappear.”
“The curse would surely take the beauties from my life,” Sanji sighs. “A life not worth living–”
“I’m bored,” Luffy says to cut him off. “Why bother talking about dumb things, no one’s losing legs or booze.”
He can sense Zoro and Sanji looking at each other, for once civil. Something passes between them and then Sanji stands in front of him and tugs at his ear.
“You’re right, captain,” his cook says. “We’re almost there, anyway. Hope the loser doesn’t lose the other eye.”
“Oi,” Zoro says and then they’re no longer civil, Sanji letting go of his ear and Zoro taking his hand from his shoulder. Luffy feels the loss even if all that’s marking it is him seeing it. He still laughs and goes away, leaving them to be silly without him.
“That’s so sweet, captain bro,” Franky says to him, his arms churning as he reaches to put Luffy up at his broad shoulders. Luffy floats up without feeling anything and he giggles. He gets settled on his shipwright’s shoulders and leans down to look at Franky upside down. The island they left a day before is getting closer in their view.
“Sweet?”
“Yeah, we all thought for sure it would be the hat!” Franky says and Luffy’s honestly getting a little tired of it all. He can’t wait until they find the woman again.
“I wouldn’t lose the hat,” Luffy says, once again, sitting straight.
“I thought, if anything, we would get torn apart like lifeless puppets,” Robin says cheerfully from her chair. “Seems our captain once again surprises us with his depth.”
Luffy starts picking at his nose, saying “What depth?” just as Franky groans, mumbling about Robin’s morbidness.
“Do you think our death would be permanent if it was a result of something like that? Are the effects of the fruit irreversible?”
“I hope the hair guy gets his hair back so he’s not whining anymore,” Luffy says, completely ignoring Robin’s words.
Luffy feels his lower body slightly shaking and looks at Franky’s hands grabbing his ankles, playing with his dangling legs. He watches his legs getting stretched and intertwined like a pretzel.
“No one is taking any of you away with some dumb fruit,” Luffy finally says, looking up straight at Robin and she smiles at him, her eyes hidden with her sunglasses.
“Of course not,” she says and they both understand each other, the captain and his archeologist. They’re sometimes more similar than not, him and Robin, and Luffy always feels the love he has for his crew settled deep in his belly, but now it’s even bigger, filling the hole his anchor-less body opened.
He grabs Franky’s shoulders tightly, his fingers clutching the metal and nods at Robin.
Then the moment is forgotten as they try to make a big mecha with Chopper and Usopp’s help.
—
This whole thing has messed him up for two days already and Luffy is so over it. He still makes grabby hands at everyone but now has to be more careful, more watchful, trying not to crush or squeeze too hard. To even grab at the right place, not missing by meters. It’s so much effort, something that came to him naturally, touching his crew in every way. It irritates him and makes him too aware of his limbs.
It feels like the start of training with Rayleigh once again, blindfolded and getting tackled by big animals, no awareness whatsoever; it feels like being seven and reaching, reaching, always reaching, and never quite getting.
They’re trying to find the woman, the town in shambles at her wake, their angry shouts, bald heads, flat chests and ugly faces showing the desolation their uncaring caused. Luffy doesn’t really care about the disappearing breasts or waning beauty; he only went after the woman in the first place because the girl gave him an apple, lamenting about her doll, and he was bored, Nami off already in search of deals. Chopper stayed behind, his bleeding heart making him investigate, and Luffy went to search for the doll, just to do something.
The rest is history.
His skin feels cold, an empty graveyard of touches he so became familiar with after a long time of starvation.
He still lays with his head on Zoro’s back when he carries him, as he always does. Some dumb fruit won’t take that away from him, even when he cannot figure out where Zoro ends and he begins with his eyes closed. But does it really matter?
Only the two of them went off in search of the woman, Robin’s calm voice explaining that more people meant more potential losses. The woman is not a hard opponent; that’s why Zoro was laughing at him for losing. Just a crafty one, with her gross, slimy hands.
Everyone protested, of course they did, but Brook’s soft words reminded them of what they could lose, in a second of inattention. Luffy already was touched; and Zoro of course would come with him. That was it.
“It’s weird,” Zoro says as Luffy hooks his chin on his shoulder. Luffy feels his body getting shuffled and figures Zoro yanked him up, getting his grip more comfortable. It’s still the weirdest; his nerves and intuition tell him he's suspended in the air with no support, when his eyes see otherwise. “You’re backing off from us.”
“No, I’m not?” Luffy says, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re more careful around everyone,” Zoro says. “It’s strange. Hope we find the fucker and make her give you your touch back.”
Luffy humphs into Zoro’s shoulder. “Not true.”
“Yes true,” Zoro says, stubborn as always. “You didn’t fly into me at full speed even once all this time. Or punch me away from Sunny in an accident.”
“Do you miss it?” Luffy asks, curious and amused. “You always scream something about ‘Luffy, stop’ or ‘Luffy, I swear to god’, so I stopped listening at some point.”
Zoro sighs, heavily, but doesn’t drop him. Luffy swings his legs, the skin of his calf meeting the leather of Zoro’s swords. It feels nice, even without the experience of a human touch, getting these small glimpses of the contact from his crew in other ways.
“Guess it's weird, being reminded every time I reach that I cannot feel you guys,” he finally says after a few minutes of walking. At this point Luffy’s not sure if they’re even on the right island. Who let Zoro lead the way? “I don’t like it.”
“I always knew you were the grabbiest octopus in all of the seas,” Zoro says and Luffy kicks at his thigh - Zoro doesn’t even grunt. “Never figured it meant so much to you, though.”
Luffy also didn’t know, that’s the problem.
It’s one thing to know he likes the closeness, likes his hands full, the warmth of the touch, the pressure of it on his body - it’s another to feel how the lack of it washes him in cold shiver, makes his skin barren and buzzing, makes him feel like he’s drowning in the sea and even Zoro catching him doesn’t let him breathe in the air.
“I like you guys, is it that weird?” he finally asks and puffs air into Zoro’s neck. Goosebumps rise on Zoro’s skin and Luffy giggles. “You’re my family, of course I like to feel you and hug you.”
Zoro swallows a few times.
“We know,” he says. “Never met anybody like that before, though.”
“Of course you didn’t, I’m the future pirate king,” Luffy says, rolling his eyes. Then he pokes at Zoro’s cheek, missing the soft give of it. He’s not worried of his touch being too hard, too uncontrolled - Zoro can handle it. “You’re wrong, though. All of our crew likes the touch. I just don’t think about it like you all do.”
“Captain, the insight that you possess,” Zoro says and Luffy starts laughing, because Zoro sounds like Robin, and that’s too funny, this dumb swordsman of his using big words. “Don’t laugh at me, I will drop you.”
“Of course I will laugh at you,” Luffy says and then he jumps down from Zoro’s back - he figures he will get his full share when he gets the feel of touch back, no use tiring Zoro out now. “I have to get us in the right place anyway, you got us completely lost, dummy.”
“There is no right place,” Zoro says, offended. “We are looking for someone that’s hiding.”
“Yeah, and there’s fire in the distance here.”
“Oh. Right.”
They find her relatively quick - most of those two days were for Luffy to notice what was wrong and for them to sail back to the island. He really shouldn’t’ve let her go then. Would save the trouble.
She doesn’t have a chance to escape between Luffy’s rubber arms and Zoro’s sword and then she’s sitting tied up, angrily staring at Luffy. Her broken hand is bandaged.
“Back already?” she says. “Didn’t think you were smart enough to figure it out.”
“Oi,” Zoro says, his limbs far away from her.
She scoffs, looking at him sideways. “And brought a guard dog with you this time? I cannot harm you anymore.”
“Sure, let’s go with that,” Luffy says and then cracks his knuckles. “Give it back.”
“I cannot give it back,” she says, rolling her eyes. She stares mournfully at her destroyed from the scuffle fire. “And you wasted my food.”
“Sorry,” Luffy says sincerely just as Zoro asks, “What do you mean you can’t give it back?”
The woman shrugs. “Never was able to give someone back what I took. Thank goodness I have to want to take it or I wouldn’t be able to touch anyone. Can you imagine that?”
Luffy’s kind of starting to get angry at her.
“So you just take? Without care? What about that girl’s doll?”
“Oh, she already got it back,” she says, nonchalant. They stare at her and she sighs. “You just have to accept you can like, live without what you hold dearest, and then it comes back. That’s how my fruit works, don’t ask me why. Shitty thing.”
“That’s fucked up,” Zoro says. “What about that man’s memories? Chopper said he forgot his wife.”
“Should’ve accepted my money when I wanted to buy food,” she says and Luffy can understand this, at least. “Not like I even wanted to steal it! Stingy fuckers, all of them. Maybe he will fall in love with her again or she was cheating on him and he’s better off alone, who knows.”
“So Luffy just has to accept that he can survive without touching anyone? And then it comes back?”
“So that’s what you lost,” she says, sympathetic. “Oh, that sucks, man. Sorry.”
“Thanks,” Luffy says. “And that’s it?”
“That’s it.” She nods. “Kinda hard in your case, but you seem like a smart dude. Probably better chances of getting it back than that bald dude that touched my ass.”
“At least I’m not bald,” Luffy says, amazed. Zoro snorts and then they look at the woman at once. She stares at them, raising her eyebrow.
“You should get away from here soon,” Luffy says to her. He’s kind of disappointed she didn’t return his feeling of touch immediately, but knowing the solution, it seems dumb now. “They kind of hate you there.”
“What’s new,” she says. She wiggles in her ropes. “Will you let me go?”
Zoro looks at Luffy, his eye narrowed. There’s a question here, and then he sees the answer on Luffy's face.
“Nah,” Zoro says. Sheaths his sword, no longer tense, ready to strike. “Shitty of you to take from Luffy for no reason.”
“He punched me in the face first!”
Luffy shrugs. He's still a little angry. “Come on Zoro, let’s go. And you– Just touch only the assholes next time, no babies, okay?”
“C’mon guys— Seriously?!”
—
They come back to Sunny, with Luffy leading the way. It’s not as quick as it would be with Nami or Robin, but they still get where they need to be.
Everyone looks at them when they climb the ladder up, getting from Mini Merry. Almost all eyes wander to Zoro’s swords, still secure at his hip.
“It’s fine, guys,” Zoro says. “Didn’t touch me.”
All of them breathe out with relief and then Nami comes up to Luffy and pokes his cheek. He smiles at her.
“Still nothing,” he says to her and can see the disappointment and confusion in her eyes. “I have to figure it out myself. Give me a few hours and I’m good! No need for long faces.”
“Good luck, captain,” Robin says, and they accept and scatter around, no questions asked. Nami stays in front of him, crossing her arms.
“You sure? You found her?”
“Yup,” Luffy says to his navigator. “Don’t worry, Nami - I will hug you as soon as I can… Wait, I can still—”
“No, no,” Nami says, grinning. “Don’t worry. It’s time for you to think, didn’t you say? Reach deep into your soul?”
“That sounds so boring,” Luffy says. “Zoro! Why didn’t we make her fix me up immediately?”
“‘Cause she couldn’t, dumbass.”
“She has the lamest powers ever, I think.”
“Still got one on you,” Zoro says, raising his brow. Nami leans on her elbow on Luffy’s shoulder and he lets her, warm all over even when there’s still emptiness.
“Chopper distracted me, it’s not my fault—”
“Luffy!” Comes a wail next to them and the three of them turn to look at the little reindeer that’s looking like a kicked puppy. “You’re right! It’s my fault! I’m so sorry!!!”
“Chopper, no—”
“Chopper, he was just—”
“Look what you did!”
“Guys, hey—”
“That’s so not super, man—”
“Luffy!!”
“Everyone, shut the fuck up—”
“I’m sorry!!!”
—
“Look inside myself, that’s so stupid,” Luffy mumbles under his breath as the wind picks up and he holds on to his hat so it doesn’t fly away. The moon is already high in the sky, nothing around them except water, but he’s still sitting on Sunny’s figurehead, despite the chill. The rest of his crew sits a little away from him, down below on the deck, their voices loud and cheery as they reach him. “Sunny, help me, please.”
“I don’t think Sunny can help you no matter how much she loves you, captain bro,” he hears a voice just behind him and he turns around to smile widely at his shipwright.
“Franky, Franky, I have a question.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you feel anything with your body?”
Franky doesn’t stop looking at him, but he starts fidgeting with the zipper on his sweatshirt. Luffy wonders where he bought it, in this size. He has a mess of fairy lights in his hair, flashing in different colors at high speed. His legs are still bare, though.
“Yeah, I have the receptors built in. It’s not the same of course, but it’s still there, getting the message into my brain.”
“Whoa,” Luffy says and then frowns. “Eh, Brook said something similar. Nothing like me - I can’t feel it either way.”
“I’m sorry, cap,” Franky says, his face sorrowful. “But– You know we’re all here either way, yeah? None of us are going anywhere.”
“I know,” Luffy says, something settling in his chest. Of course he knows - they’re his. But many things have been his through his whole life and the moment his grip slips, they’re gone. It’s simple like that.
But his crew aren’t many things - they’re intertwined, all of them, even when Luffy’s long limbs aren’t holding them together, tight and relentless.
“I would like to hug you, Franky,” he says quietly.
Franky grins at him. “You still can,” he says and comes up to him, Luffy opening his arms. Sitting on Sunny’s figurehead, he’s at perfect height to get wrapped in Franky’s hug. He exhales. “Oh man, I’m getting teary now.”
“You’re so silly,” Luffy says, laughing. His laughter reverberates around Franky’s metal plates and he feels the loss of the cold touch of Franky’s hug like a lost limb.
“Luffy, come to us already!” Usopp yells from the deck below them, where the whole crew sits huddled together, blankets and sweatshirts a mess between limbs.
“You’re going to fry your brain at this tempo,” Nami adds, snickering into her hands, her cheeks already flush from whatever they’re drinking. “No more thinking!”
“Aye!” Sanji says. “This is honestly scary.”
Luffy sighs heavily into Franky’s chest and it shakes from his shipwright’s laughter. “Meanies, all of them.”
“They sure are, cap,” Franky says, but he doesn’t stop laughing as he carries him to the rest of the crew, so Luffy counts him amongst them.
Franky drops him off between Usopp and Robin, the fairy lights in his hair shining bright to light the space between all of them.
Usopp immediately gets closer to him, grabbing his arm, shivering. “Tell Robin to stop!”
“I’m not doing anything, captain,” Robin says mildly, taking a sip from her cup. Her eyes are shining. “Just telling a story to our little storyteller.”
“This is not a story, Robin,” Usopp says, dead serious. “This is something they say to torture information out of people. My seventh uncle once died of a heart attack when they were interrogating him—”
Robin raises her eyebrow and then giggles into her drink. Luffy doesn’t pay it any mind, just wraps the blanket tighter around them - maybe this will stop the shivering he can see tormenting his sniper. He lays his cheek on Usopp’s head and exhales, slow, steady.
He can see Zoro attempting to squeeze Chopper under his arm, the reindeer laughing hysterically at something and Sanji gagging at whatever they’re arguing about. Nami sits with her feet on Zoro’s lap and his other hand, not occupied with Chopper, lays on her ankle. She’s resting her head on Robin’s chest, her cheek squeezed into the soft sweater Robin’s wearing.
“Keep talking, Robin,” she says, leaning her head a little back to look at Robin and twirl her dark hair between her fingers. “This is nice.”
Usopp moans with despair and Luffy thinks, Yeah, it is.
The burning need to reach out doesn’t bother him as much now, his heart content, his mind a little quieter than usual.
Brook plays some joyful song, Franky busy getting his unlimited amount of fairy lights tangled on their musician, making him a walking, shining ornament - Brook just laughs and laughs, not stopping his playing, the white of his bones deepened by the light.
He closes his eyes and breathes, smiling.
“Robin,” he says. “Tell me a story.”
—
Luffy reaches out without a word and Zoro is already clasping his hand, getting dragged up into the crow’s nest with a bounce of a rubber. He doesn’t even make a sound of protest. They land softly. Zoro untangles himself from Luffy’s arms and sits down on the wood, his langs hanging out between the railings, free in the air.
Luffy grins down at him from where he's standing, gripping the pole with his arm. “I will never back off from you, dummy.” He flicks at Zoro’s earrings, a quiet click as his nail meets the metal. The earrings sway at the touch.
“I guess not,” Zoro says, something soft in his voice. “Sorry, captain.”
Luffy looks at him and looks; doesn’t really need to, because Zoro’s outline is carved in his heart, living in his soul, just like any of them; but he does it because he wants to.
“I was being silly, wasn’t I,” Luffy muses to himself. How stupid, getting lost in his head when it didn’t matter and never will.
He’s not seven, running behind someone’s back, desperate for anything. He’s not nine, clinging to anyone he holds dear, because the moment he lets go, they die. He’s not fourteen and watching his other brother leave, alone again. He’s not even seventeen, so certain of his power and confidence that a simple wave of a stronger hand and a missing crew sent him into hysterics.
“Zoro,” Luffy says. “Zoro. Zoro. Zorooo.”
“What.”
“Nothing.” Luffy grins. “Like saying your name.”
How silly, after everything, thinking it’s just as it always was, blind to something in front of him. He’s not the same and none of them are - all of them stronger, more sure, more grounded. He shouldn’t underestimate his crew, ever.
Of course they always reach out to him, just as he does. What a simple thing to think about, really. The weird lady was right, he is smart.
He leans down and pinches Zoro’s cheek. It’s soft, warm; Luffy wants to chew on it, the touch of his fingers not enough.
“Ow,” Zoro says, flat. “What is wrong with you? Wait—”
Luffy giggles and giggles.
“Luffy, no, seriously— Wait, let go of me!”
They tumble to the ground as Luffy’s arms wind around Zoro and drag him to himself, making him lose balance. Zoro lands on his back, his breath knocked out of him, and Luffy grins down at him, laying on his chest.
“Hi,” he says. He can feel Zoro’s body rising and falling with his breath. This is good - this is right.
His skin tingles and tingles, fingers itching, cheeks full of delight.
“Missed you,” Luffy says.
Zoro rolls his eyes but lays his hands on Luffy’s back. They are sure, heavy, warm - the strong hands of his swordsman.
Luffy’s finger starts tracing Zoro’s face, the high of his brow, the faint raise of his scar, the line of his eyelashes, the jut of his cheekbone.
Zoro doesn’t say anything, just stares at him, and Luffy feels himself expanding, like a huge sun is stretching out his skin from underneath his muscles. He thinks he will burst, surely, but doesn’t worry about it.
He will always be a starving beast, but this - laughter coming from below among the crackle of the fire, limbs tangled, hands clasping his when he reaches out, Zoro’s face beneath his touch… This is good; this, he can feast on.
“Had enough?” Zoro asks, aiming for annoyance, but his tone betrays him, the sappy dummy.
“No,” Luffy says and steals a quick kiss, unable to leave any part of Zoro untouched. He grins into it - it’s wet and weird, but fun, and it’s Zoro, so of course he wants it.
He can feel the flutter of Zoro’s eyelashes on his cheek and that tickles him. It’s so fun, all of it.
“We’re not going anywhere,” Zoro mumbles into his lips, lazy and languid, his body soft under Luffy despite the muscle and scars. “Captain,” he says and Luffy whines quietly, not wanting to let him go. But Zoro doesn’t lean away, speaking into Luffy’s mouth, his breath smelling of booze, warm on Luffy’s lips. “Never.”
“I know,” Luffy answers.
He does; there’s no need for desperate hands.
Zoro holds him just as tightly.