Work Text:
(It’s on, it’s on! You fumble with the remote, eagerly flipping through channels until you see the recognizable face of a teal-blooded troll. She’s in a crowded dining hall and completely surrounded on all sides. The guests are diverse as expected from the People’s Resistance Front. Monochromatic Carapacians rub elbows with rainbow-hued trolls. But they don’t interest you at all. You’re here for the teal’s current guest, a recognizable woman who’s currently rocking a spectacular orange tuxedo.)
LOJBAN: !hello and welcome to the First Annual Rebellion Fundraiser
LOJBAN: .i’m lojban zurgat with PestQuest News and I’m here with the co-queen of the Carapace kingdom, and leader of the resistance, our one-and-only goddess of light, rose maryam-lalonde to talk about this literally star-studded event and so much more
ROSE: Thank you for introducing me zurgat.
ROSE: While this war in heaven is of utmost importance, it’s important to make sure the citizens of their joint venture remain involved with the process.
ROSE: We’re holding this soirée not only to demonstrate that the populace's funds are going to a deserving goal, but also to convince them to fund further projects in the future.
ROSE: The rebuilding effort will require the contribution of all, whether god or mortal. And as your reigning monarch it’s my duty to facilitate that mutualism.
ROSE: And who better to plan such a significant event than the resident tactical goddess? My mastery over light is for more than waging wars in heaven.
LOJBAN: !i can tell
LOJBAN: .the decorations blew my mind the first time i saw them
LOJBAN:
ROSE: Thank you. You know, that was actually
Funny how time flies when you're having fun ( Oh ), please stay
Funny how time flies ( Please stay ) when you're having fun
Funny how time flies when you're having fun, mmm ( Time flies )
Yeah, ooh
Funny how time flies when you're having fun
LOJBAN: ?and this music, was it also your idea
ROSE: Unfortunately no. That was the domain of General Harley. Her objective was to honor my late brother’s memory by selecting sounds from his fabled “chill beats to crash out to” playlist.
ROSE: As you can evidently hear it’s not very orthodox but that only serves to make it more relevant to our cause. Bringing together the past and present to build something new, while not giving into regressive ideals is the entire reason why we rebelled in the first place.
It's not that I don't love my bitch, but I don't love these side hoes neither
She throwing that shit back at me and I'm catching it like I'm a wide receiver
I know these losers you fucking, ain't hitting it right, I'm Derek Jeter
Heart on my sleeve and cash in my fist
Chase a dream, man, do not chase a bitch
I can't believe that this hoe got me breakin'
I'm breaking like this
LOJBAN: .i wouldn’t call the choice unorthodox but it is very unusual for an important political event
LOJBAN: ?returning to the topic of unusual choices, is auxiliatrix maryam-lalonde in the attending
(Even through the tiny screen you could tell the atmosphere has changed.)
LOJBAN: - of course protecting the mother grub is her top priority but the public was hoping the see the divine power couple together for the first
ROSE: Fascinating.
ROSE: It sounds like you’ve thought about that question a lot. No doubt it’s on everyone’s minds at the moment.
ROSE: For who needs time for war when there’s celebrity drama right around the corner.
ROSE: You really want to know? Are you truly capable of handling such forbidden knowledge as the one between the privacy of my home?
LOJBAN: .according to our most recent viewer poll, they’re more than ready
LOJBAN: . in fact this was the most requested topic
LOJBAN: .surpassing the 2nd place winner by 11000 votes
ROSE: Very well.
(You see her mouth move, but all you can hear is the scratchy somber machismo of a pre-Earth C singer. Ugh you were looking forward to this! Stupid post-war tech!)
ROSE: Look, my bitch never got taken from me, I lost her myself
My bitch never got comfort from me, I needed too much help
LOJBAN: ?really
ROSE: Yes
ROSE: Please! In fact—
I don't think I need no more fixin', I'll just heal myself
ROSE: After my miraculous recovery, I meticulously planned my re-intergrations
LOJBAN: .oh
ROSE: Kanaya was always on my mind. In fact, one phrase in particular kept me going throughout my rehabilitation.
Whose gonna be there when you low bitch, you or somebody else?
ROSE: While she tried, ultimately it was something I went through alone. But don’t misquote me. I was the one who made that choice.
ROSE: It was my burden to bear, and ultimately turned out successful. Imagine that instead of tending to the mother grub she instead agonizing over my care. By the time Crocker went mad the future of troll kind would’ve been completely defenseless.
ROSE: Do not sell Auxiliatrix Maryam-Lalonde short. She’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself.
I could have wrote this when I'm faded, but alcohol gives you a lens
ROSE: Stressed by separation, a relapse was inevitable.
ROSE: But to answer your question, our relationship is fine. In fact, I believe the war repaired it.
ROSE: Don’t get me wrong, it was an extremely difficult time in our lives.
Every argument come with a cost
ROSE: At times it was impossible to imagine an outcome where our union survived.
Every dub ends up in a loss
LOJBAN: .of course
LOJBAN: .of course the station also needs to interview Generals Peixes and Vantas, but we’ll circle back for a final interview.
ROSE: Of course! I actually recently cornering
ROSE: But you know how I am.
Gotta keep the façade of a boss, every picture developed is tossed
ROSE: Always plotting, always scheming.
LOJBAN: .yes your exploits on the battlefield are the talk of the town
LOJBAN: !in fact, lets talk about your recent outing with Peixes and Harley
LOJBAN: .many citizens have noted that your interactions with them seem rather strange from the outside
LOJBAN: ?we all know that
I know bitches that I'll never talk to, I got exes I'm still fuckin' raw
ROSE: Good observation. As we all know perception is not reality (unless you’re a seer that it). Meenah is more reliable than she seems, and Jade
LOJBAN: ?which is
Actually love, actual heart, actual caring
ROSE: Something I know our rivals have a deficit of
Niggas get mad at me when I call out they hating
'Cause they hatin', no debatin'
ROSE: And for Miss Crocker.
We came up out the mud, still got dirt on our faces, now we counting blue faces
ROSE: …
Heart on my sleeve and cash in my fist
Chase a dream, man, do not chase a bit'
I can't believe that this bitch got me breakin'
I'm breaking like this
ROSE: Fuck!