Chapter Text
“You don't have more than a year left to live.."
The doctor said those words to me with a serious look in his eyes and a regretful expression on his face.
And that made the atmosphere in this private hospital room feel increasingly gloomy.
The doctor could only remain silent once again while waiting for my answer..
At that time, I could also see him biting his lip a little as he continued to wait for a response from his patient who had been bothering him for almost a year.
Actually this was not the first time for a doctor to face this situation, but I knew. No matter how much he faced this, this was not something that was easy to say to someone who had a short life. They had to be ready to accept any reaction from the patient, be it hysterical or even blaming the doctor himself for not being able to do his job properly.
But even so, I still salute those who are still doing their jobs in this field. It must not be easy, right?
“I see.”
That one short sentence broke the silence that had occurred for several seconds that felt almost hours between the two of us.
"Thank you for the information, Doctor. I will use the rest of my time as the best as I can."
I immediately stood up and bowed my body to show my gratitude, when I raised my head and prepared to leave the room, I saw the doctor's face once again,
….??
Oh, at that moment I saw a very deep expression of surprise and shock on this doctor's face.
Was this the first time for him to receive a calm response like this when he had just said someone's remaining lifespan..?
As I said earlier, usually someone would cry, scream, be hysterical or have a tantrum or even blame the doctor for not working properly so that their patient's lifespan was short like this..
That was the normal response he should have gotten..
If that was true, then his shocked expression was very natural and did not need to be questioned.
It’s very normal..
The one who’s not normal is myself..
Yes…
What kind of person stays calm when a doctor says you only have a year left to live and also says ‘thank you for the information’??
Haha only idiots are like that..
Yeah..
Idiot..
I'm that idiot..
But..
But somehow that's the truth..
I don't know why I'm not that surprised when I find out how much time I have left..
For the 24 years I've lived.. I've been happy..
Very happy..
I have both parents who love me very much and prioritize me more than anything..
I have a family who also adored me and always supports me..
Everyone in my city lives very well and I'm happy to be a 'hero' who protects them during the three years I was in high school at that time..
Yeah..
My high school days that I will never forget..
I met many great people there..
I was able to meet and talk to the Seniors who I really respected and admired long before I entered Furin High School..
I also had classmates who never bullied me even once, very different from my junior high school days at that time..
I also have amazing best friends and I love them very much..
I have a best friend who has a unique appearance when I first saw him.. I still remember how angry he was when I said his white hair was because he was stressed at that time. Even though he seemed rude, he was a very kind person. I have admired him since the first day I met him and I have decided that I will help him until he can be at the top. And sure enough, in the third year we spent time together, I finally could see him as the leader of this school. At that time I couldn't stop to keep bragging about him every second. Proud, I was so proud of him.. I was so proud to see him find his place in this city and school. And even though we have graduated, he is still a 'hero' in this city.
I also have a best friend, to be honest when I found out that I was in the same class as him, what I felt at that time was fear and anxiety, as if I really wanted to move classes to avoid him at that time. And sure enough, when I first met him on the first day in class 1-1 he just showed himself by throwing a table in front of me. Haha, it seems like my idea to change classes wasn't a bad thing at that time. But, there was a miracle in the summer of our first year, he suddenly kidnapped me when I was going on patrol with my other two best friends too, at that time honestly I was really scared when I felt he was really angry at me. Did I do something wrong?? If so, I’m so sorry. Those were the words that crossed my mind many times at that time.. and the miraculous part, it turned out that my kidnapping at that time was the most important moment between me and him, because from there I could become his first classmate who was close to him, judging from the response of my other friends, it seemed they were very surprised and I couldn't blame them.
I also have a best friend, who never loses his spirit even once. Someone who always smiles and optimistic. Even though other people and including me are sometimes too tired to face someone who has that much energy, but I really admire him. Not only strong, but also very kind and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way about him. I remember how strong his back and arms were when he carried me who was unconscious at that time. Even though he was also injured, he still chose to carry me on his strong back.
Another best friend of mine, is a figure who always treats me like his own little brother. He comes from a rich family, is also handsome, smart and very popular, someone like that wants to be friends with this ordinary person like me, is something I never imagined. His voice was so soft when he spoke but suddenly that soft voice turned cold when he was angry. I had seen him angry many time for this years, and the second time he was angry was when someone hit me, I could still feel how angry he was at that time as if he was a different person from the gentle person I knew. Since then, he always took care of me as if I was his own little brother. He often spoiled me by playing games with me, taking selfies together, going to the game center together and he often gave me gifts that he got from the game center. I was really spoiled by him.
…
And..
And also..
I also have a best friend..
As well as becoming my Sensei figure..
And also finally turned into someone I like..
Someone I love..
…..
Spending time with them for almost half of my life, it has been the greatest blessing that God has given me..
And if for example God wants to take me in less than a year, then I will not refuse it..
It would be very selfish of me to be angry with God and a situation like this when all this time I have been blessed with people who love me very much..
Yes..
This is enough..
I am already very happy..
There is no point in being angry or sad..
I have no regrets anymore—
PING!
The sound of my smartphone notification that I had kept in my pants pocket brought me back to the real world.
Actually, I had realized so many incoming message and call notifications from earlier.
But I didn't bother to look at who it was from..
Because I already knew who all the messages and calls were from.
[12.37 pm | Akii-kun, how are you today? Did you go to the hospital?]
[12.37 pm | If so, I can accompany you there]
[01.05 pm | Akii-kun, where are you? Did already arrived at the hospital?]
[01.07 pm | Missed Call]
[02.45 pm | I just arrived at your house, but your parents didn't say which hospital you went to. Can you tell me which hospital you are at now?]
[02.47 pm | I'll follow you there]
[02.55 pm | Missed Call]
[02.57 pm | Missed Call]
[04.11 pm | Akii-kun, is everything okay?]
[04.12 pm | Missed Call]
[04.13 pm | Please pick up my phone, Akii-kun.]
[04.15 pm | Missed Call]
[04.20 pm | Missed Call]
[05.24 pm | Akii-kun]
[05.33 pm | Where are you??]
[05.46 pm | Missed Call]
[05.47 pm | Akii-kun, are you okay??]
Message after message, call after call that came into my smartphone from this afternoon until this late afternoon.
I could feel how panicked the person who had been trying to contact me was..
And to be honest..
I couldn't hide my guilt towards that man..
Maybe even until now or even this second he is still worried about me and is still trying to find me..
But on the contrary, I haven't even contacted him even once..
I told myself earlier that I felt guilty for continuing to worry him, but I didn't do anything about it..
"Haaaahhh..."
I sighed as I stared at the reddish orange sky above me..
Various thoughts crossed my mind at that time and made me unable to focus on which thought I was thinking about right now..
It's been almost a year now..
To be precise at the end of the year when I was about to finish my studies in college,
My health and condition declined drastically..
Initially there was nothing wrong with me.. even if you say, I was a fairly strong child. I rarely got sick so far.
But who would have thought...
The man who’d known to be strong, healthy and rarely sick all this time, it turns out he have to accept a reality like this.
Isn't that ironic?
But..
But yeah..
Once again..
It would be very selfish of me to blame God for this tragic fate..
I began to focus my attention fully again on the smartphone that I had left for a few minutes because of my unclear daydream.
Then my fingers tried to type on the keyboard..
I didn't know what to type other than—
[Hayato-san]
And SEND.
I didn't have to wait more than 5 seconds for my short message to be read, someone I had just sent a message to immediately called me.
[Hayato-san is calling]
My phone screen immediately showed the incoming call, where below it there were two options between "answer" and "decline".
Not wanting to talk because I knew what our conversation would be like on the phone at that time, I immediately pressed "decline" and immediately my screen went straight to our chat conversation.
When I wanted to type, I could see him typing too.
[Akii-kun, where are you?? Are you okay??]
I grinned at that time when I realized how fast he could type that sentence.
As for me,
I still couldn't put my words together.
…..
Was my decision wrong?
I shouldn't have contacted him right away when I still didn't know what to say to him.
This will make him more worried..
If I tell him ‘I’m fine’ then he definitely won’t believe me and keep pressuring me to tell him what really happened..
If I tell him ‘my illness is getting worse’ he will definitely worry even more and try to do anything to cure me even though the doctor said that there is no treatment that can eliminate my illness right now..
Then..
Then if I tell him that ‘I don’t have more than a year to live..’, then… then what will his response be..?
Will he still worry about me..?
Will he still try to find a treatment for me even though it’s all in vain..?
And in the end..
All I can do is keep worrying and bothering him if I continue to be with him..
….
[I’m sorry for making you worry, but everything is fine. I’ll go to Hayato-san’s house tonight to explain everything after finishing some of my business first. So I hope Hayato-san will wait for me at your house now. Don't worry. I'll definitely come there.]
and SEND.
After that I immediately put my smartphone back into my pants pocket.
I could feel several notifications coming in right away when I sent the message.
But I didn't care about it and kept walking towards my house.
"the end."
Chapter 1 : Nirei Akihiko
By Nefelibata_Poetry
“Akii-kun..??!”
“Good evening Hayato-san, or maybe it’s almost morning, right? Ahaha.”
I told him this late afternoon that I would come to his house that night after I finished some of my business first.
But in reality, my business took quite a long time to finish. Well, who would have thought that telling my parents that I was no more than a year old would be finished so quickly?
In fact, I am already very great that I can still be given permission to go here and leave them both who probably still can't accept the fact that their only child will be 'taken' soon..
But with still all of that, because they know where I will go after meeting them, they still allow it.
Because..
Because they know how important the man in front of me is to me right now and as a result I was only able to come to his house at three am in the morning..
I was quite surprised when Hayato-san immediately opened the door when I had just arrived in front of the gate of his house.
And when I realized, he had been waiting for me and didn't sleep at all just waiting for me, I didn’t know whether I should be happy or sad about that fact.
Hayato-san seemed to have a thousand questions he could ask me at that moment, but he still tried to stay calm and smiled gently as he invited me into his house.
“It must be cold walking in this winter at this hour, huh? Sit down first, I’ll prepare some tea for you.”
“Un, thank you.”
Again, he still tried not to rush into asking about my condition at that moment even though I could tell from his expression that he wanted to force me to give him the answer right away.
As usual…
His kindness still hasn’t changed one bit…
……
“Okay, here you go, be careful, it’s still a bit hot.”
He said as he handed me the cup of hot tea right in front of me who was sitting face to face with him at this moment.
I didn’t answer but just nodded slightly while smiling to show my gratitude to him.
I could see steam coming out of the cup when I lifted it with my right hand and started sipping it slowly before blowing on it first.
Ahh..
This taste..
It still hasn't changed..
It's been a few years since I always drank tea made by him, but the taste still hasn't changed..
It's still warm and always makes me calm even though there's no sugar to make it sweet in this tea..
"So.."
The voice of the man in front of me broke the quiet atmosphere earlier.
My brown eyes immediately met the red eye that had been staring at me with deep worry in those beautiful pupil.
"To be honest, I have a lot of questions I want to ask you Akii-kun and if I'm honest again you've really worried me all day. But I know you definitely won't tell me the real reason. But.. but even so I—
He suddenly stopped in the middle of his speech as if he remembered something, but without waiting long, he immediately continued his words,
“..may I know, what really happened to you Akii-kun?”
His voice at that time even though it sounded quite calm but I, who had spent my time with him for the past few years, together with him already know him very well and he can't lie to me with that face and smile.
“As I told you before in the message, I'm fine Hayato-san.”
I answered while putting the cup back on the small plate in front of me.
I didn't give him any further explanation and tried to avoid his eye contact which was still looking right at me at this time.
….
After that there was quite a long silence between the two of us..
The only thing that could be heard at that time was the sound of the antique clock in the room we were in,
The sound of both of our breaths..
And..
It was so quiet, I could faintly hear the sound of my own heartbeat..
“Akii-kun..”
His voice was now heard again..
“…Just this once”
But this time it was very different from the voice that pretended to be calm like before..
“Be honest with me just this once..”
Now his voice sounded so fragile and so sad..
“Please…?”
As if he wanted to cry right now..
I, who had been trying to avoid eye contact, now dared myself again to look into those red eye..
To be honest, I avoided eye contact not because I was afraid..
On the contrary, I didn't want to look into those eyes full of sadness at me..
It was too hard for me to see someone in front of me right now having such emotions clearly engraved on his beautiful face.
I slowly started to open my mouth to immediately resolve the problem between us,
"Hayato-san... I.."
But in the middle of the conversation, I don't know why I suddenly doubted my decision that was already firm and I had discussed it with my parents before.
Glancing once again at that worried face, my heart couldn't bear to continue my words.
But..
But--!
I have to say it..!
Yes..!
I have made my decision..!
“….I plan to go back to my parents’ hometown this morning.”
“Huh?
Not even a second after I finished my sentence, I could hear Hayato-san’s response and it was the response I had expected.
A face full of confusion and question marks was clearly etched on his face.
He must be confused to hear information that might have nothing to do with my condition or my business at the hospital today.
Still processing what he had just heard, I opened my mouth once more.
“The place is quite far and I will be gone for quite a long time.”
“eh?”
“And maybe.. I won’t come back here again.”
“W-what??”
“Yes, that’s why I have to go back soon, I haven’t packed my things at all.”
“Wa-wait, what do you mean—
I continued my words without letting him finish his sentence to me.
I knew he must be even more confused with our current condition, but then again. I didn't give any further explanation and immediately stood up.
"Then I'll excuse myself, Hayato-san."
But.
Before I could take a step further, my wrist was immediately grabbed tightly by him.
"Akii-kun! Wait a minute!"
I could feel how strong his grip was..
He who usually always treated me gently, now I was quite surprised by his current behavior.
"What does all this mean??!"
This was also the first time I saw him raise his voice at me.
"For the past few days you've made me worry! And now you tell me you're going to a far away place without explaining anything to me??!"
This was also the first time for me to see him angry and upset because of what I did to him..
"I know you're angry with me Akii-kun! But is this how you treat someone who worried about you so much all this time??”
This was also the first time I saw him scold me so harshly like that..
I could feel how angry he was at me right now..
His grip on my wrist was also getting tighter and tighter and I couldn’t lie if it did hurt.
But it wasn’t physical pain, but emotional pain.
I knew that I was the problem here..
So I couldn’t blame Hayato-san for being like this to me..
I couldn’t keep expecting Hayato-san to treat me gently like usual when I had repeatedly caused trouble for him.
I know that..
I know that..!
But..
But still--!
It still hurts so much…!
“Don’t ever think that all this time I’ve always been kind and treated you more special than anyone else, you can’t make me angry at you Nirei Akihiko!!”
“Then get angry.”
“Wha--??!! You??? AKII—
“THEN GET ANGRY!!! HATE ME!! AND THAT WILL MAKE YOU NOT CARE IF I DON'T LIVE MORE THAN A YEAR!!!"
….???!!
Ah..
What have I done..?
I said it…
I really said it…
And I can't take those words back anymore…
Even though I didn't intend to tell him about this.. even a little...
Because…
Because I know..
His response will definitely be like--
“…huh?”
Ah, I know it..
He won't believe those words..
Either he doesn't believe it or he's trying to deny it right now..
I don't know which one is right..
“What does that mean..?”
He must think I'm crazy right now..
Or maybe he'll get even angrier at me for saying words that sound nonsense like that..?
“Hey..? it’s not funny..”
Me too..
I also hope that this is all a joke..
“Even though you’re angry and hate me, your jokes are too much Akii-kun.”
‘You don't have more than a year left to live..’.. I hope the doctor says that it was a joke and just kidding to me.
“Hey… that’s not true, right?”
But..
But still--!
“…Akii-kun!!”
But still this is all not a joke at all!!!
…..
Haahhhh…
This is all reality..
This is all reality Akihiko..
And you—
You can’t deny it…
“…. I’m so sorry, Hayato-san”
And I can only accept that reality..
…..
“Liar…”
“Hayato-san..”
“It’s all a lie..”
“It’s true Hayato-san, I didn’t lie at all.”
“I don’t believe it..”
“You have to. You have to believe it..”
“Akii-kun is lying..”
“Once again, I’m not lying Hayato-san..”
“…why?”
“……”
“Hey Akii-kun, why…?”
“……”
“What do you mean you don’t have more than a year left to live??? What do you mean you’re going to leave here to a far away place and leave us behind?? Are you planning to leave as if you want to erase your presence from all of us??!”
“……”
“I’ve been waiting for you all this time.. worrying about you more than anyone else just to hear that you’re going to leave me in the end..?”
“…..”
“That… isn’t that too cruel?”
“…..”
“How could you do that….? Hey..?”
“…..”
“ANSWER ME NIREI AKIHIKO!!”
Again…
He shouted at me once again…
And once again..
I still can’t find what the right decision for me..
“….this is the reason”
“Huh?”
I gritted my teeth at that time and now turned to grab his collar with both of my hands that felt shaking because of the unstoppable feelings and emotions in my chest right now.
“THIS IS THE REASON WHY I DON’T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING TO HAYATO-SAN!!!”
Not giving him time to answer, I immediately continued my words.
“HAYATO-SAN WILL SAY WORDS LIKE THAT TO ME!!! YOU THINK I WILL DO ALL THIS BECAUSE I WILL BE HAPPY AND ENJOY IT??! HOW COULD YOU THINK LIKE THAT??!”
My voice grew louder and louder as I continued to grip the collar that kept our eye contact unbroken for a moment.
But the louder I screamed, the tighter my chest felt at that time.
“I..!!! I--!! Haahh—hah--!! YOU-YOU THINK--!!”
It was as if I felt all my strength disappear and wanted to faint right then and there..
But--
“You think--!! You think I want to leave all of you…?”
But instead I let myself fall onto that chest..
I could feel the cold sweat running down my forehead wetting his shirt as my forehead collided with that broad chest..
My hands that were still holding his collar now felt powerless..
And I had no more energy other than to whisper the next words to him..
And those words were,
“…. You think I want to leave you all? especially you, Hayato-san?”
Ah..
I really have no more energy..
Today was quite hard for me..
Woke up in the morning with my condition getting worse,
And decided to go to the hospital only to hear that my life will not be long..
And went home to facing my parents who were almost crazy because of hearing the news..
And this time..
I have to face this..
I'm tired..
I'm so tired..
I want to leave immediately--
"Then don't leave.."
…..!!
His voice just answered what I was thinking at that time.
"...eh?"
As if he knew what I was thinking right now..
"Who told you to leave, Akii-kun..?"
Slowly, his two warm hands were on both sides of my cheeks..
Trying to bring our eyes back together with each other..
I can see in his eyes right now he wants to cry right then and there..
And I also know..
I also know that right now my eyes are also showing the same emotions as his right now.
“If you say you don’t want to leave me, then stay here with me..”
‘Stay here with him.’
That—
Those were very selfish words, Hayato-san..
Why did you say those words to me so easily..?
Didn’t you ever think about my feelings…?
“….I will only make you suffer more later, Hayato-san.”
At that time, I could also hear how my voice was shaking...
“The longer you spend time with me… the harder it will be for you to let me go later..”
It was getting harder for me to continue my words with my trembling lips..
And with these eyes that were already filled with tears.
“Why do you stay with someone who won’t have much time left..?”
Yes…
It’s all in vain Hayato-san..
It would be better if I leave you all soon..
So that later you won’t be so sad when I’m no longer in this world..
This is all for your sake..
I’m doing this all for your sake..
I don’t want you to suffer because of my absent later..
Maybe at first it will be hard for you because I’m gone..
But over time my presence will soon disappear from your lives..
That way it will be easier for you to accept my eternal absence later..
Yes..
This is the right decision..
And I’ve decided—
“Therefore Hayato-san, I—
“Marry me.”
….?
Huh??
What??
…????
What did he say earlier??
“Eh? What??”
“Marry me.”
“Marry..?”
“Yes.”
“Ahaha.. Hayato-san.. your joke is really bad-
“This is not a joke. Marry me.”
“Don’t joke Hayato-san, I’m not in the mood for---
“Again, this is not a joke, marry me.”
“You… do you realize what you’re saying right now?”
“Yes, I do.”
“If you do realize, why can you say something like that?? This is not the time to joke—
“Once again I’m not joking. Marry me.”
“…..Why?”
“I love you.”
“I said why—
“I love you.”
“DON’T JOKE HAYATO-SAN!! WHY--!!
“I LOVE YOU NIREI AKIHIKO!!”
…!!!
Still shocked by his nonsense words.
Now I was even more surprised by him taking something out of his pants pocket.
A small box that was very familiar and everyone must know what was in the box.
And when he opened the box, he didn't wait for my answer and immediately took my left hand in his left hand too.
"Ha-Hayato-san???! W-what are you---!
I, who still couldn't think clearly at that time could only be silent when he put it on my left ring finger.
"Y-you--!!"
I was still very shocked by the fact that there was a ring on my ring finger right now.
"Since when did you prepare all this Hayato-san..???"
"I told you before, didn't I?"
But Hayato-san didn't sound panicked at all..
He said and acted as if this was a normal situation..
"I've always been waiting for you, Akii-kun."
….???
Once again..!
He said words that didn't make sense to me..
His words were too unreasonable for me..
Haahhhh…
I don't know what really happened right now...
All the strength in my legs just disappeared..
When I felt my balance starting to be disturbed, someone caught me..
Bringing me into his embrace..
And whispering softly to me..
"I've always been waiting for you.. waiting and waiting"
Like he usually did to me every time I felt panicked, sad or scared at that time..
"I'm waiting for you so that you realize my feelings for you.."
Bringing me into his embrace with his strong arms wrapped around my small body..
"Why don't you ever realize my feelings Akii-kun..?"
As if he knew best how to calm me down..
….
"You'll just waste your time—
"Even if you die tomorrow, I'll still marry you right now."
"Huh?? Why?? It's just a waste of time—
“I said I love you..”
“Don't act recklessly Hayato-san!! Don't just say you love me, you can easily---
“I love you..”
“….what for?? Why did you choose to marry someone who doesn't have a long life…?”
“I love you..”
“Why did you marry someone who can only make you suffer later..?”
“I love you..”
“Why did you choose someone who is not attractive and can't even give you children later..?”
“I love you..”
“….you deserve to live with someone who is equal to you, you don't have to do all this..”
“I love you..”
“You could have chosen anyone you wanted Hayato-san!! Why did you choose someone like me---
“I said I love you Akii-kun..!!”
My tears that had been gathering in my eyes, now I couldn't let them fall when I heard that there was someone who still loved me in my condition like this.
“That's all. I love you. Do you need another reason more than that..?”
And yes..
My tears fell freely..
Wetting both my cheeks..
“…uukhh.. Hayato-san.. you---
I couldn’t say anything else after that..
I could only remain silent while staring at the face in front of me with tears streaming down my face.
Why did he do this…?
Why did he could to do this after I said my life wouldn’t be long anymore…?
Does he realize that in the future he will continue to suffer if he chooses me---
“Akii-kun..”
At that time, I felt something warm wiping my tears..
“Choose me, please..”
He said once again while wiping his finger on the tears on my cheeks..
“Hi.. Akii-kun.. please?”
Bringing his face closer to mine and I could feel how warm his breath was at that time..
“Choose me.. stay with me..”
And without I realizing it his lips met my forehead..
“I will definitely protect you..”
Kissing it softly..
“I will never leave you..”
On my eyebrows..
“I will take care of you..”
On my eyelids..
“I will definitely make you happy..”
On my nose, right where my freckles are..
“You will definitely get better later..”
He kissed my cheeks which were still wet..
“I really.. really love you so much, Akii-kun…”
And at the tip of my lips..
He kissed it very softly..
“Akii-kun also… has the same feelings as me, right..?”
I could feel how much he loved me in every kiss he gave me at that time..
….
Am I—
Do I deserve this great love..?
Isn't it too selfish of me to accept this love..?
Am I—
Can I choose him..?
Am I—
"I don't deserve all of this, Hayato-san.."
Can I be happy…?
"I don't deserve it at all.."
Am I really allowed to be with him until the end of my short life..?
"Are you really okay with me being like this, Hayato-san..?"
"No matter what your condition, I will still choose you, Akii-kun.."
“….you won't regret your decision?”
“I will still choose you.. over and over again..”
At that time,
I didn't answer him at that time and made Hayato-san caress my face once again so I could see him once again.
He looked at me deeply as if asking for an answer from me.
At that time, I honestly still didn't know for sure what my answer was..
Honestly, I really love him..
I always want to be by his side..
Be in his arms..
Hearing him call my name softly every morning..
Seeing his smile that always smiles softly at me..
I want to spend the rest of my life with him..
But...
But it's all too selfish for someone like me to have Suo Hayato completely...
But he—
He said he loves me..
He said he won't regret choosing me..
Then—
Then can I be selfish too..?
Can I choose to be with him..?
And finally I..
I nodded slowly to him...
And made his eyes widen seeing that small nod.
"Is that 'I do', Akii-kun..?"
Did I really make the right decision..?
“Can I.. can I answer with ‘I do’, Hayato-san..”?
Spending the rest of my life with him, is this the right decision..?
“Haaahhh…”
Hayato-san who had been staring right into my eyes and didn’t want to break our eye contact even a little, now broke the eye contact later with himself who let out a long sigh as if the burden on his shoulders had been lifted at that moment.
“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this moment with you..?”
And he started whispering softly to me..
Him burying his forehead right on my right shoulder made me a little ticklish because his soft hair tickled my sensitive skin.
“…un.”
I answered him softly while I couldn’t help but raise my right hand to stroke the back of his hair.
The caress on his hair somehow made him feel calmer so that I could feel his arms hugging my body more with him still changing his position.
“…. Do you really love me, Akii-kun?”
.....
Again...
He said something I couldn't understand..
Why did he ask that...?
Do... do I look like I don't love him,...?
Is that what he was thinking...?
“Haya—
When I wanted to ask more than what he meant by his words just now, now he who had buried his face right on my shoulder, now that beautiful face was right in front of me.
His red eye shone slightly in the darkness of the room where we were..
So I couldn't continue my words.
His very deep gaze seemed to pierce my soul making me lost for words.
Slowly both of his hands that had hugged my body before I could now feel both of his palms on both sides of my face.
His hands brought my face closer to his..
So that our foreheads were pressed against each other at that moment.
“Can I really be yours, Akii-kun..?”
His voice sounded like a child at that time..
As if he was afraid if I said 'no' to him..
I smiled softly to reply..
Then also put my palms on top of his palms too.
"Be mine Hayato-san.."
I closed the distance between us even more,
Then just before my lips met his,
I whispered something to him,
and those words are,
"And make me yours too.."
Then kissed those soft lips for the first time..
And that was when, my first kiss and Hayato-san's first kiss were both taken by both of us.
Hayato-san who realized that his first kiss had been taken, was a little surprised.
I could see the blush on his beautiful face..
Then his gaze became softer..
Softer than his usual gaze when looking at me..
So that also made me blush..
Before then we both laughed softly at each other..
And brought our lips together for the second time once again..
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Hayato-san's lips...
So soft...
So warm...
I could feel it clearly when those lips met my skin..
Right on my lips...
He kissed them very gently..
Then slowly the kiss went down to my chin..
And down once more to the crook of my neck..
It honestly made my body even hotter when he pressed his nose to the crook of my neck..
Inhaling my scent before kissing my neck several times..
And without I realizing it..
One of his hands was already behind my head..
And another hand was on my waist, trying to lay me down on the tatami floor below me..
While my own hand was also behind his head and another hand was on his arm that was on my waist..
Everything happened so fast and slow at the same time..
Honestly I didn't realize when I was completely lying down..
And since when had Hayato-san's fingers been on my shirt buttons..?
Trying to open them one by one slowly while he was still attacking my neck with his hot kisses..
Slowly the winter wind that entered through the gaps in the sledding door began to tickle my chest which turned out to be completely open..
But still…
Still it didn't make me cold..
Because the warm lips that had attacked my neck had now moved to kiss my chest..
He kissed it slowly while tracing the part that had never been touched by his lips..
My body was getting hotter and hotter..
I could finally feel that those lips were now right on my navel..
His breath tickled me as he buried his nose in my navel once again, as if he was trying to inhale my scent once again..
My breath was short at that time when I realized how hot my body was right now.
“Akii-kun..”
Hayato-san’s voice at that time brought me back to reality..
And when I opened my eyes, he was already sitting while looking at me..
“I promise I won’t do ‘that’ thing to you now.. but..”
Before continuing his words, Hayato-san stopped to take my left hand which was wearing the ring he gave me on its ring finger.
“But.. can I see every part of yourself right now?”
And kissed the back of my left hand gently while looking at me deeply.
I, who at that time understood what he meant by his words plus his current treatment could only let my cheeks get redder and nodded slowly to answer him because I couldn’t find my voice at that time.
Hayato-san who saw the slow nod and got my approval at that time let himself smile even wider then kissed the back of my hand once again.
Then he lowered my hand slowly gently before then bringing his body closer to mine once again so that our lips met once again at that time.
His kiss this time lasted longer, at the same time I could also feel his hands trying to unbutton my pants and lower them while he was still kissing my whole face at this time.
I knew at that time my face must have been bright red..
Even though we were both men..
But I was still embarrassed when he saw my whole body which was not covered with anything at that time..
I didn't have an attractive body or beautiful curves like a woman's body..
I also don't have muscles that are formed like an ideal male body..
I also don't have smooth skin like most people..
Not only that, my freckles are not only on my face, but they are all over my body..
Therefore..
I'm quite insecure having to show my body completely to the much more ideal man in front of me right now..
What if he's disappointed...?
What if he's disgusted..?
What if he rejects me—
"You're so beautiful.."
….??!
Eh…?
What…?
What did he say earlier…?
Beautiful?? Who?? Me??
"..Ha.. Hayato--
"Can I kiss it..?"
"…eh?"
"Your freckles.. may I kiss it?"
At that time,
I, who still could not fully realize my current situation, could only nod without thinking long.
“…u-un”
And who would have thought that my slow nod would give a satisfied smile from Hayato-san’s lips..
“…thank you”
Once again, my skin was immediately attacked by the heat and softness of those lips..
“Aa..aahh--
So I couldn’t hold back my voice..
I don’t know..
Why does just this kiss make my body feel this hot..?
"...beautiful.. so beautiful..."
"...uuukhhh.."
“Your freckles are the most beautiful thing on you..”
“Ugh.. I don’t really like my freckles Hayato-san..”
“…why? Even though it’s this beautiful?”
“Aahhnn..!! haya..to..sa-
“..Akii-kun.. my Akii-kun..”
“Uhh..nn…”
“I love you… love you so much my beloved Akii-kun..”
My self who was almost unconscious at that time because I couldn’t bear to accept all the foreign feelings that I had just experienced right now couldn’t do anything but let Hayato-san show how much he loved me at that time..
Our bodies that were touching at that time…
So that I could feel his breath directly on my skin..
Making me feel like I wanted to float and as if this was all a dream..
Yes..
A beautiful dream..
Before I wake up later…
And have to face that tragic reality..
….
Haha…
Yeah…
I almost forgot about it..
I almost forgot that the reality still haunts me in the future..
I was too carried away that I forgot about my illness for a moment..
And really fell into that dream world without thinking about the future..
Yeah…
This all just happened for a short time..
I won't be able to accompany this man forever..
My presence with him was only for a moment..
Hayato-san is too kind to let me be pampered and loved until the end of my life..
While he---?
While he will still suffer if he is with me..
I don't want that..
I don't want that to happen..!
I don't want to see him suffer--!
I don't want---!!
"Hayato-san.."
"Hm..? What's wrong Akii-kun? Is something hurt??"
“No.. that's not it, Hayato-san.. I just..”
"Just what..?"
"I have one wish.."
“…wish?”
"Yes.."
“…what is it, Akii-kun..?”
“Will you grant it..?”
“What is it? What's on your mind, Akii-kun?”
"Promise me first that you will agree to it.."
“…Akii-kun”
"Promise me Hayato-san..."
“….okay, I promise. I promise. So what do you want?”
“Hayato-san… promise me one thing..”
“…yes?”
"Promise that you will immediately remarry later.."
“……??!”
“..When I am gone.. marry someone else, Hayato-san..”
"What are you say--??
“Hayato-san.”
"Akii-kun won't—
“Hayato-san!!”
“……”
“It's a pinky promise..”
“…..”
“If you break it, you will cut your own finger, Hayato-san..”
“……”
“Hayato-san…?”
“……”
“….you won't promise me, Hayato-san? Even though earlier you said you promised me--!
“……”
“Hayato-san…?
“…….”
“I see…”
“…..”
"If Hayato-dan doesn't want to do it then that's fine, you don't have to marry m----!
“Akii-kun too..”
“Eh?”
“Promise me you'll always be by my side.. promise you will never leave me. Ever once.”
“That--!
“If you break it, you'll cut off your own finger too..”
“That's impossible Hayato-san..! I won't live long—
"I don't care."
“Hayato-san..I--
"Again.. it's a pinky promise, Akii-kun.."
This is a story about two souls who try to fight against time and reality.
This is all just the beginning,
Whether the decision they chose was right or not,
Only the two of them can decide that.