Chapter Text
“Sure, I’ll be your date for the wedding.”
Sunghoon is pretty sure he’s dreaming.
The man’s face is everywhere. On his walls, on his desk, cluttered in the free spaces of his bookshelf and—more importantly—right in front of him. His intense gaze is fixated on Sunghoon’s, most likely so he can pretend he doesn’t see the seemingly limitless bounds of his obsession, and Sunghoon can’t bring himself to hold eye contact with him.
Sure, he’s dreamt of moments like this. Just one chance to personally talk to the man standing in front of him and tell him just how much he admires him for his art, his passion, his relentless drive to strive for his dream.
But not like this.
“Isn’t that every stan’s dream?” he continues, teasing him, baby talking him, “To say just once that their idol is their boyfriend?”
“I guess,” Sunghoon squeaks, intimidated. He’s taller than the man, and lowering his head actually only forces him to look into his eyes after all. They glint with amusement. He finds this whole thing funny while Sunghoon wants to burst into tears and hide in fear.
This situation is surreal, his worst nightmare come true, and it all started just last week.
—
Six months since beloved idol Jay’s sudden hiatus
Has he gone missing?
It’s been over six months since BELIFT Ent. released a statement announcing Park ‘Jay’ Jongseong’s sudden hiatus one week after successfully wrapping up his first world tour. Since then, we are yet to receive any updates from either the company or the idol himself. It almost seems like Jay has dropped off the face of the earth.
After a leak from inside, netizens suspect that not even management knows where their star idol currently is.
Could it be that the idol has gone missing?
—
Sunghoon pockets his phone with a sigh and collapses in his seat.
Maybe, following gossip accounts for his favourite idol wasn’t the best idea he’s had. He was initially hoping he’d hear something, anything, interesting about him instead of being spoonfed anxiety with every post he sees.
He’s waiting for Jungwon to return from the restroom. His freshly baked slice of pie is turning cold from how long he takes, and he gave Sunghoon enough time to doomscroll through Twitter because, one, who even calls it X, and two, his ‘Jay senses’ as his friends teasingly call it were tingling. He just knew there was some new post about him, he was just hoping it was an official announcement instead of more baseless rumours.
About two years ago, his sister, visiting him during a break from university, came to crash at his place in Seoul. Her one week long stay wasn’t actually about visiting him, that wasn’t her priority. They see each other for Seollal and Christmas, and that was ‘more than enough’ for her, as she likes to say.
No, she just needed a place to crash for the concert of some small artist that she was attending. And to make it up to him, she got him a ticket, too, and it all went downhill from there.
Sunghoon didn’t want to tag along at first. He doesn’t think much of concerts, of the big crowds and the constant pushing and shoving happening in the pit, exactly the tickets that his sister has managed to secure. He hated every second of being there, surrounded by fan girls and stans in fashionable outfits they put together just for this concert and holding up their phones and lightsticks and banners.
He’s not sure how, but the tiny girl next to him managed to elbow him in the face once the lights dimmed and the chords of the first song started playing.
It might’ve been the possible concussion the girl gave him but that’s where it all went downhill.
And now, two years later, this is probably the lowest Sunghoon has felt ever since he attended that concert. It doesn’t help that the café he’s meeting Jungwon in is playing one of Jay’s softer songs, a heartbreaking ballad for a drama OST. His face is still plastered on the ads just outside of the window.
Sunghoon’s favourite idol is everywhere and nowhere to be found at the same time, leaving a gaping hole in the hearts of fans like Sunghoon in his absence.
“I just heard it when I came back out,” Jungwon’s voice pulls him out of his head again as he walks up, wiping his moist hands dry on his oversized pants. Well, at least he’s not like Riki and wearing pants three sizes too big, at the constant danger of slipping down his narrow hips. “There’s news about Jay?”
He’s not really interested in Jay like Sunghoon is. The only reason he—just like all of his other friends—keeps up with that kind of news is because Sunghoon can’t, for the sake of his own life and the ears of everyone around him, stop bringing him up in every conversation that he’s forced to be a part of. Because he actually invests just about every brain cell that he has in the idol, letting him infest his every thought every waking hour of the day.
Is it unhealthy? Probably.
Does Sunghoon care? Not when he gets so much joy from doing so.
… Well, usually. It hasn't been a lot of fun the past six months.
“Just a rumour,” he sighs and stirs his vanilla latte. Most of the ice has already melted, leaving behind a sad, watered down drink that only tastes cold. That’s how long he’s been waiting for Jungwon to finish peeing. “Some saseang got ‘insider info’ that he’s actually missing.”
“Wouldn’t the police be looking for a missing person then?” Jungwon doubts, which is exactly what Sunghoon has been thinking as well. It’s only reasonable to report a missing person as… you know, missing, so the police can look for them. But Jay hasn’t been reported missing, and if he had been, it would make national news at the very least.
“That’s what most of the comments are saying, too,” he says and shakes his head, “Whatever. I’m not interested in what sasaengs think they have to say.”
“Better than the dating scandal he got before his world tour,” Jungwon snorts, “Who was it again? His mom?”
“It was his mom!” Sunghoon groans and accidentally draws the attention of the surrounding tables. Oh no. They’re all looking at him now. He just couldn’t help it.
Call him delusional but Jay getting involved in a scandal that he has a girlfriend when he’s so obviously for the guys was just ridiculous. No, actually. This isn’t just Sunghoon’s delusion speaking. Jay’s shown more often than not that he’s open minded enough.
“Anyway,” he quickly drops the topic again. Talking about Jay right now, when he’s still on hiatus, is just sad and it makes him miss his only source of happiness from six months ago. Like some ex that still isn’t over their breakup. “We should grab some drinks later. Heeseung-hyung just got broken up with, and he hasn’t left the house in a week.”
“Still?” Jungwon gasps and takes an obnoxiously noisy sip from his strawberry smoothie. “I don’t talk to him for weeks and this is what he does? Absolutely nothing?”
“Personally,” Sunghoon says, “I think he just needs some good cuts of meat and, like, three bottles of soju.”
“Are you trying to cheer him up or trying to kill him?” Jungwon jokes.
Out of all of them, Heeseung probably has the lowest tolerance for alcohol. He’s the worst at drinking, but only because their other light weight doesn’t show it openly when he’s on the verge of blacking out while Heeseung turns bright red and becomes all giggly and silly.
“He’ll wanna survive until we make it to a noraebang,” Sunghoon shrugs and quietly laughs to himself, “Give him a good BTS song and he’ll be good as new.”
“He’ll sing I Need U a thousand times,” Jungwon bemoans and already dies on the inside at the mere idea of taking Heeseung to a noraebang. But really, it was probably Heeseung’s only happy place. There was a time during his last year of uni when he dragged Sunghoon to one every single day to ‘destress’ and belt out his soul.
“That’s the plan,” Sunghoon agrees with vehement nodding and gives Jungwon a thumbs up, “I’m putting you in charge if he wants a duet.”
“Wait a second, wait a second,” he groans and rubs his temples as he pulls out his phone. The glass on the back is cracked in one corner, badly hidden behind a Pokémon sticker. “I’m calling backup. I won't survive this alone.”
“But I’ll also be there?” Sunghoon protests weakly. He doesn’t really mind if the others tag along, too. He just hopes it won’t be his wallet the money for all their food and drinks will come out of.
“You don’t count,” Jungwon grumbles, “You’re horrible. You’re an enabler. I’m not going to a noraebang with Mr ‘Got freshly broken up and sings his feelings’ and Sir ‘Obsessed with an idol and loses all inhibitions when drunk’. That’s suicide, and I’m quite content being alive, thank you very much.”
… Fair.
—
“Just one more song!”
Sunghoon is half a bottle of soju and maybe three or four or five different fruity cocktails that Sunoo ordered for him into the night when Heeseung is getting dragged out by the armpits by Jungwon and Riki. None of them—and he really means none of them—can stand, much less walk straight. Heeseung can’t even stand up and sway on his feet anymore.
It was probably a good idea of Jungwon to call backup. Jaeyun made sure they took Heeseung to eat ramyeon at the Han river before Sunoo got them all wasted in the noraebang. Sunghoon didn’t even question what kind of drinks he ordered for them. He only knew they were sugary sweet, tasted good, and made him feel all fuzzy and warm. It was almost shameful to admit, if Sunghoon was currently able to feel the embarrassment instead of later when he’d inevitably wake up with a horrible hangover and some sick on the front of his shirt, but Jungwon was right, as usual.
He really does lose all of his inhibitions when drunk.
Heeseung was torturing them with his fifth run of I Need U, when Sunghoon decided in his drunk boldness that he’s had enough of sad, heartbroken ballads, and made sure everyone sang G-Idle’s Queencard with him.
Which would’ve been a great choice for a song, if it didn’t remind Heeseung so much of his ex for some reason, causing him to burst into tears during the first pre-chorus.
… So much about that.
Thank god Riki chose to torture all of them with multiple rounds of Lucifer, or Heeseung would’ve probably choked to death on his own sobs. Although, that might’ve been the more merciful fate.
It’s Sunoo who stops Sunghoon from choosing any of Jay’s songs. He does it more because it’s already way past midnight and they all have to go home and not because he hates Sunghoon’s whole being, he’s sure. Like, sixty percent sure.
“Are you gonna be okay?” Jaeyun asks him just as Sunghoon zips up his jacket. It’s still in the early stages of spring, and the night gets cold. He turns his head, and his whole body follows because even the smallest sense of balance has left him. Jaeyun laughs at his clumsy spin. “No, really, are you gonna be okay?”
“He’ll be fine.” Sunoo idles up to Jaeyun’s side and rolls his eyes. “He’s walked home from here before.”
Okay, Sunghoon is forty-nine percent sure.
It’s not his friends’ fault, of course, that all of them have to go in the same direction when they part ways in front of the noraebang. All of them except for Sunghoon. He just has to live in a smaller apartment on the other side of the Han river because the rent is cheaper, and his stupid office job only pays him enough for a studio apartment if he has nobody to share rent with like Riki, Jungwon and Heeseung, or like Sunoo and Jaeyun.
His single ass just doesn’t have anybody to share rent with, and he’s glad that he has a whole space for himself and his Jay obsession, too. Most of the time, at least.
It does get lonely sometimes, he supposes. Especially on nights like these, when Heeseung has both of his arms draped around Riki and Jungwon’s shoulders to keep him upright, and when Jaeyun stuffs one of Sunoo’s hands into the pockets of his jacket to keep it warm. And Sunghoon stands on the opposite side, hands stuffed into his own pockets and swaying on his feet because he has nobody to lean on.
That’s probably only one of the things that factor into his parasocial relationship with a man that doesn’t know he exists.
“I can call a cab later if it gets too bad,” he tries to reassure Jaeyun with a lopsided grin. His head is spinning. He’s probably gonna trip once he rounds the first corner at the end of the block.
“Alright,” Jaeyun nods, a clumsy jerk of his head, “Text me when you’re home.”
“Okay~!” he chirps, still in high spirits. How nice of Jaeyun to be worried about him like always. Most of the time, Sunghoon forgets to text him anyways before he passes out on top of his covers. The most he gets is a sticker of Jay that Sunghoon made during his free time. “I’ll see you guys on Monday!”
“And order hangover soup!” Jaeyun yells after him as Sunghoon skips along on his merry way.
The walk home is always a journey. Not because it’s so far away but because with every corner that Sunghoon rounds, with every street he crosses, with every alley he passes, his steps become more unsteady. He almost trips over his own feet at a red light, and he almost falls on the ground at three more. If at least one of his friends was with him, they could’ve caught him if he did.
But when he does, he just eats concrete.
He might’ve hit his head. He’s not too sure, actually, because his head has been spinning for a while now, and he’s been feeling like throwing up ever since he stepped out of the noraebang. Either way, the ground is kind of comfortable. Sunghoon’s joints are always stiff and his back always hurts but the hard floor really seems to help him.
The sigh that escapes him is deep and comes from the soul. His eyes fall shut. It would be great if he could just pass out here but he’s in the middle of the sidewalk and would definitely just lie in someone’s way. That, and the ground is dirty. Like, super dirty.
“Mrrw?”
Sunghoon tries to blink the dizziness away from his head. He opens his eyes to a little furball all up in his face as the animal tries to sniff at him.
“Don’t eat me,” he slurs his words and swats after the thing. His hand lands the hit—right on top of its tiny body.
“Yeowww!”
It takes a bite out of Sunghoon’s nose.