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Waking Up to Find I Slept with My Ex-Husband

Summary:

On the morning of the second day of the third week after Paul and Feyd-Rautha's divorce, Paul woke up to find himself lying naked in bed with his ex-husband, Feyd-Rautha.

Notes:

A humorous and fluffy story—hope you enjoy it<3<3<3
In my story, Paul and Feyd are always deeply in love (in their own twisted way). Of course, these two freaks are a match made in heaven, aren't they?

English is not my first language. 🥹 Please forgive me if there are any grammatical errors or inappropriate expressions <3

Work Text:

It was the second day of the third week since Paul and Feyd-Rautha's divorce.

Although Paul is reluctant to admit it, three weeks have passed and he still hasn't gotten used to waking up alone in bed every morning.

But today, something seemed off. Paul struggled to open his eyes and get up, only to be hit by a familiar ache in his lower back. His mind went blank for a moment, and then he realized he was completely naked. To make matters worse, he felt a strong arm still wrapped around his waist. He turned his head in disbelief and saw a familiar face—one he wouldn't admit was handsome—his ex-husband, Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen!

Damn it all to hell!

What was it like to wake up and realize you had slept with your ex-husband?

Forget it, Running away might be shameful, but at this moment, it was an excellent solution for Paul.

Sorry, Mom, I'm not always brave. With this thought, Paul gritted his teeth against the pain in his lower back, quietly picked up the clothes scattered on the floor, and slipped away.

Let him think back. Last night, his grandfather, Feyd-Rautha's uncle, Baron Vladimir Harkonnen, had invited him back to Giedi Prime under the guise of missing him.

"My dear grandson, even though you're divorced from your cousin, you shouldn't forget your dear grandfather."

After Vladimir's third invitation and Lady Jessica's fifth persuasion, Paul had no choice but to board the ship back to Giedi Prime. And sure enough, during dinner, he encountered his ex-husband, Feyd-Rautha.

Damn it, after three weeks, he somehow looked even more attractive. Paul cursed himself for being so weak, but he maintained a calm facade as he dined with Vladimir and Feyd-Rautha. To an outsider, it might even seem like a happy family gathering. Paul couldn't remember what happened after that. When he woke up, he found himself naked in bed with his ex-husband.

Damn it all to hell!

It must have been Vladimir!

But Paul had no proof.

Paul quietly dressed and glanced back at the still-sleeping Feyd-Rautha. This was a sleeping face he knew all too well, though Paul himself hadn't realized how much he had missed it.

Their marriage had been arranged by the Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV, the Bene Gesserit, and the House Harkonnen and House Atreides. The entire Known Universe thought they were a perfect match.

However, a year after their marriage, Paul started clamoring for a divorce. Of course, no one agreed, but Paul directly took the divorce agreement to Feyd-Rautha.

What had Feyd-Rautha said at the time?

"Don't stop him—I'll sign it with him!"

And so, the couple that the entire Known Universe thought was a match made in heaven got divorced. It had been the hottest gossip in the Known Universe for a while.

Giedi Prime was all too familiar to him, and he managed to slip out without much trouble, boarding a ship back to Caladan. It was strange; no one stopped him along the way.

 

It was the fifth day of the fourth week since Paul and Feyd-Rautha's divorce. 

The damn Emperor must have had too much time on his hands. Two days ago, he notified all the nobles to attend a ball on Kaitain in two days, under the guise of "Diplomatic Ball."

At the ball, Paul was bound to run into Feyd-Rautha, he really didn't want to go. But the Emperor's decree couldn't be ignored. 

Speaking of which, a week after they slept together, Feyd-Rautha hadn't made a single move. 

Hmph, of course, that bald bastard, with his good looks, probably had no shortage of women!

Paul examined himself in the mirror. He was still as beautiful as ever. Just wait, I'll find someone new. With that thought, Paul sprayed perfume on his wrist.

Sure enough, in the banquet hall on Kaitain, he saw his annoying ex-husband again. Damn it, why did he still look so handsome? 

Paul didn't want to look at him; he grabbed a drink, avoiding eye contact. But then Feyd-Rautha’s voice boomed across the hall: "Is it the noble virtue of House Atreides to sleep with someone and then leave without a word?"

Paul choked on his wine. "What the hell are you talking about, Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen!" Paul abandoned the impeccable manners and upbringing that the people of Caladan were so proud of, clutching his wine glass as he charged toward Feyd-Rautha. 

"I bet he wants to smash that glass on Feyd-Rautha's shiny head," Irulan whispered to a Bene Gesserit sister beside her, who nodded in agreement.

"I'm stating facts." Feyd-Rautha looked Paul up and down, his gaze finally settling on Paul's neatly tied collar.

Paul's face turned red under his stare, and just as he was about to retort, Feyd-Rautha spoke first. "A week ago, you slept with me, only to leave without a word the next morning. Is this how heartless House Atreides is?"

"I... I did sleep with you, but it wasn't my idea! Damn it, Grandfather! Where's Grandfather?" 

Paul turned around to look for Vladimir, who had just been chatting and laughing heartily with the Emperor, only to find that his dear grandfather had slipped away to who knows where. 

Damn it, Paul had never thought Vladimir's suspensor could move so quickly.

"Admit it. You used me and left."

"Crash."

"See, he really did want to smash that glass on Feyd-Rautha's head," Irulan continued whispered to her Bene Gesserit sister.

Unfortunately, Paul's wine glass wasn't as quick as Feyd-Rautha. Feyd-Rautha seemed to have anticipated his spicy ex-wife's reaction and dodged to the side the moment Paul raised his hand.

"See? Domestic violence too."

"We're divorced, Feyd-Rautha!"

"True, and you were the one who filed for divorce. I always said House Atreides is heartless!"

"That's because you spent too much time on those three pets!"

"Wow—"

The nobles couldn’t help but shout the exclamation of gossip.

"I've already given away those three pets!"

"You haven't trained with me for a whole month.!"

"Darling, I told you, there was a pile of things to deal with on Arrakis!" As he said this, Feyd-Rautha subtly glanced at the Emperor, who was enjoying the drama a little too much. The Emperor felt a chill under Feyd-Rautha's gaze, as if he could hear Feyd-Rautha saying, "Look at what you've done—you cost me my wife."

"You didn't come to see me for four whole weeks after the divorce!"

"You should have seen how resolute you were when you signed the papers. I was the one who got dumped!" Feyd-Rautha rolled his eyes and added, "And you have the nerve to say that? You didn't shed a single tear either—just packed your bags and back to Caladan!" At this, Feyd-Rautha felt a surge of confidence and straightened his posture.

"That's because you didn't love me anymore—"

"With Emperor Shaddam as my witness, even a sandworm could see how much I love you, Paul Atreides—even though you're such an annoying and jealous little bastard!"

"I wasn't jealous... Ugh, this is so annoying!" Feyd-Rautha must have planned this, waiting for the perfect moment to embarrass him in front of all the nobles. Paul felt his face burning and pushed through the crowd, practically running out of the hall.

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

The Emperor thought that arranging their marriage was the best decision he had ever made, adding so much excitement to his later years.

Feyd-Rautha turned to chase after Paul but remembered his manners. He turned back to the Emperor and said, "Please excuse me, I need to handle some family matters," before darting off after Paul.

"I'd say you might want to start thinking about your great-nephew's name," the Emperor said to the Baron, who had mysteriously reappeared beside him.

 

It was a beautiful morning on the sixth day of the sixth week since Paul and Feyd-Rautha had remarried.

Paul had just woken up contentedly in his husband's arms when he suddenly felt nauseous and turned to vomit violently. The doctors rushed to hear the news and announced that Paul was pregnant on that beautiful morning.

 

It was the sixth day of the twentieth week since Paul and Feyd-Rautha had remarried.

"I want the sun on Giedi Prime to have color!" Paul said, his belly slightly rounded.

"Darling, you know we've tried countless times—it's just not possible."

"Don't even think about divorcing me. It's not happening, Paul Atreides Harkonnen," Feyd-Rautha quickly added.