Chapter 1: ๐๐ ๐ฅ๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐ซ ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ข ๐๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ข
Notes:
Before starting the fanfiction, I just wanted to share a Spotify playlist I made (sorry to those who donโt use Spotify or prefer another music app). It includes all the songs you should listen to while reading to fully immerse yourself in the story and transport yourself back to the 2000s (and emo culture) for a full-on nostalgia hit. โก
Iโll be adding more songs as we go.
Happy reading! ๐ค๐น
Chapter Text
2005.
The neon lights of the cybercafรฉ flickered weakly, casting a bluish glow over the tired computer screens. The stale scent of coffee mixed with the faint traces of cigarettes smoked in secret, while an old PC looped Helena by My Chemical Romance, Gerard Wayโs voice crackling through overused speakers.
The walls, covered in torn posters of Linkin Park, Evanescence, and The Used, were scribbled with tags and cryptic quotes left by regulars: "No Future", "Reality is a prison", "Kurt Cobain was right."
Plastic chairs creaked under the weight of slouched bodies, and cathode-ray screens flickered, illuminating faces exhausted by too many sleepless nights spent on MSN or downloading albums from Limewire, praying to avoid a virus disguised as an MP3 file.
Ryuzaki sat in a dimly lit corner, hunched over, elbows resting on the worn-out desk. His oversized hoodie draped over his thin hands as he idly tapped a gray USB stick against an empty can of Dr Pepper.
A sigh.
He stared at his screenโa sluggish old Packard Bell struggling to load a forum page. His dark eyes drifted over to the open MSN chat window.
He closed it with a click.
His fingers scrolled absently through the blogs he followed, a nearly compulsive habit. Most were black pages saturated with flashing GIFsโfallen angels, glistening tears, shattered crosses.
The texts...
Always the same.
Quotes from Baudelaire, Nietzsche, Poe. Fragments of Placebo or The Smashing Pumpkins lyrics, rewritten in gothic fonts.
Nothing unusual.
But this blogโhe had stumbled upon it by chance.
And he didnโt know why he kept coming back.
Light lay sprawled on his bed, legs crossed, a guitar beside him. The screen of his old Toshiba laptopโcovered in band stickersโcast a dim glow across the room.
He was supposed to be writing.
His next songโs lyrics were sprawled chaotically across an open notebook, scrawled in black ink between two coffee stains.
"๐ผ ๐ค๐๐๐ก ๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ค๐๐๐๐ ๐ค๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ค๐, ๐๐ข๐ก ๐ผ'๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐ ๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ก ๐ก๐๐ ๐๐๐ก๐๐."
He squinted.
Then furiously crossed out the sentence.
Reaching for a cigarette from his pack of Camel, he lit it slowly, exhaling a thin stream of smoke before grabbing his old Nokia S40.
Blue screen. No messages.
He muttered a curse under his breath, tossed his phone onto the bed, and turned back to his screen.
His blog page was open, the latest posts staring back in black and redโan aesthetic he fully embraced.
He scrolled down the comments.
And there it was.
A message, posted just minutes ago, from someone named "ghost_L_over82."
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ?
A shiver.
Light raised an eyebrow.
Interesting.
Taking a slow drag from his cigarette, he stared at the screen for a moment.
Then, deliberately, he placed his fingers on the keyboard.
๐ก๐๐4๐๐บ๐๐4๐๐ก :
๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐ณ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐ ?
He hit Enter.
Somewhere, in a cybercafรฉ bathed in flickering light, Ryuzaki allowed himself the faintest of smiles.
The game had begun.
Chapter 2: ๐๐ฏ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฒ๐ข๐ซ๐ ๐ถ โ๐ซ๐ฑ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฃ๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐ซ๐ ๐ข
Chapter Text
The cybercafรฉ was nearly empty.
At this hour, only a few insomniacs remained glued to their screens, faces illuminated by the flickering glow of CRT monitors. In one corner, a punk-looking guy was furiously clicking away at a Counter-Strike 1.6 match, his headphones pushed under a frayed beanie. Further back, a girl in a plaid skirt and black fingerless gloves nervously stared at an MSN chat window blinking on her screen, her foot tapping frenetically against the floor in sync with the song playing through the cafรฉโs speakers.
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?" โช
Brendon Urieโs voice, distorted through cheap speakers, filled the space, blending with the buzzing of an old fan in the corner. The air was thick with the scent of stale coffee, mingling with cigarette residue and the plasticky heat of overworked machines.
Ryuzaki sat in his usual spot, near a cracked window where the cold streetlights spilled weakly onto the grimy glass. He wore his signature oversized black hoodie, the sleeves covering his thin fingers. In front of him sat a cup of coffee, untouched, its warmth fading between his palms.
His gaze slid to the screen.
An open MSN chat window.
Empty.
He hesitated.
His fingers tapped absently against the edge of the keyboard as he reread the message that had just appeared below his last comment.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐ณ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐ ?
xXd4rKir4Xx had replied.
A challenge.
A mix of provocation and curiosity, wrapped in feigned indifference.
Ryuzaki inhaled quietly, then placed his hands on the keyboard.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ผ๐ฟ๐น๐. ๐ป๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
He hesitated.
Then, he hit Enter and abruptly shut his laptop screen.
Heโd seen enough for one night.
Light lay sprawled on his bed, one knee pulled against his chest, the other leg dangling off the edge. His old Toshiba laptop took up most of his desk, surrounded by absolute chaosโscattered guitar picks, a scratched-up iPod Classic, CDs stacked in torn sleeves.
He turned his head slightly toward a plastic CD case lying next to him.
Fallen.
His fingers traced the blue-and-black label, eyes lingering on Amy Leeโs cover photo.
The comment he had received still lingered in his mind.
Light raised an eyebrow.
Interesting.
He took a last drag from his cigarette before crushing the filter into the overflowing ashtray beside his keyboard. Then, after a brief moment of hesitation, he placed his fingers on the keys.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ผ๐๐ข๐๐. ๐ฑ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐: ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ ๐๐๐ ?
Smirking, he sent it.
His gaze remained locked on the screen, waiting for a reply that probably wouldnโt come right away.
He glanced at his Nokia S40, then let himself fall back against his pillow with a sigh.
The next day, Ryuzaki walked into the cybercafรฉ againโone of his usual haunts, if you asked himโslipping into his usual corner, one hand buried in the pocket of his hoodie. He ran his tongue over his lower lip as he sat down, powered up the dusty screen, and opened his blog almost without thinking.
His eyes fell on the reply.
A faint smile ghosted his lips.
This "dark kira"โor whatever his real name wasโwas interesting. Too interesting to ignore.
Without hesitation, he opened MSN, scrolled through his contact listโmostly filled with names dripping with angstโand added a new address:
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐3@๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.๐๐
Then, he waited.
Light was late for soundcheck.
His bassist, Ren, tapped his foot impatiently outside the clubโa dimly lit venue where they played almost every Friday night.
"โ Seriously, Light, move your ass!"
Light shut off his Nokia S40, shoved it into the pocket of his leather jacket, and stepped inside the venue, where the air reeked of stale beer and cigarette smoke.
But tonight, his mind was elsewhere.
Somewhere out there, on the internet, a new conversation had just begun.
He had just accepted a friend request from this "L". An MSN chat window blinked softly on his screen.
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐.
Immediate response.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ณ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Light smirked.
This night was about to get interesting.
Chapter 3: ๐๐ฅ๐๐ซ๐ฑ๐ฌ๐ช ๐๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ซ๐ก๐ฐ
Chapter Text
[๐ผ๐๐ฝ ๐ผ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ - ๐ท๐ถ:๐บ๐ธ ๐ฟ๐ผ]
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ธ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐?๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐ด๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Light leaned against the clubโs exterior wall, his Nokia buzzing faintly in his pocket. The bluish glow of the phone screen flickered weakly between his fingers, the backlight struggling to cut through the surrounding darkness.
The night was cool, the air thick with the scent of damp asphalt, spilled beer, and nicotine.
Behind him, through the thick walls of the building, he could hear his band tuning upโthe bass reverberating beneath his feet like a distant heartbeat.
He took one last drag from his cigarette before letting it fall onto the cracked pavement, grinding it out beneath the worn-out sole of his Converse.
His phone vibrated again.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐๐๐โ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐ข๐๐?
Light smirked.
He typed a reply, then deleted it.
He hesitated for another second before writing:
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐โฆ ๐ข๐๐โ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.
A long pause.
No immediate reply.
Lightโs smirk deepened. Gotcha.
He pocketed his phone and stepped back into the club.
The cybercafรฉ was nearly empty now.
The flickering neon lights crackled intermittently, and the music looping through the speakers had switched to an old, over-saturated Smashing Pumpkins track, distorted through the worn-out sound system.
Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow at his screen.
A ghost.
He lazily stirred the spoon in his cold coffee, observing the few remaining customers. Two goth kids were trading burned CDs, a blue-haired girl was furiously hammering away at a Flash game, and some guy was passed out at his keyboard, leaving a trail of drool over the dusty keys.
Slowly, Ryuzaki closed the MSN window without replying.
He opened his notebook, twirled his pen between his fingers, then wrote in silence:
"Can you be real for someone who never sees you?"
He didnโt like the direction this was taking.
...Or maybe he did.
The concert had begun.
Light stood on stage.
One hand gripping the mic, the other clutching his guitar.
His heart was pounding too fast.
The lights were blinding. The air was electric.
In front of him, the crowd moved, blurry silhouettes lost in the haze of the stage lights. He saw faces, muffled screams buried beneath the weight of the amplifiers, heads nodding in rhythmโbut he wasnโt really looking at them.
In his mind, it wasnโt them he saw.
It was a computer screen.
An open chat window.
He parted his lips.
And the words spilled out.
"I've been screaming but no one listens,
Trapped in static, lost in distance..."
The chords echoed. The bass rattled beneath his feet.
But something felt off.
He was singing, but for the first time, he wondered if anyone, anywhere, was really listening.
[๐ผ๐๐ฝ ๐ผ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ - ๐ถ๐ธ:๐ท๐ฝ ๐ฐ๐ผ]
Light lay sprawled across his bed, one knee bent, the other leg dangling off the edge.
The concert was over.
His ears were still ringing from the sound.
Sweat clung to his shirt, and the lingering scent of cigarette smoke had followed him back to his room.
The soft glow of his old Toshiba laptop flickered against the posters covering his walls, casting shaky reflections.
The MSN chat window was open.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ท๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐?
A few seconds of silence.
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐.
Then, the reply came.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ฐ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
Light let out a tired smirk.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
He waited.
The screen flickered again.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
Light stared at the screen.
A shiver ran down his spine.
Something had just shifted.
Chapter 4: โ๐ซ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐๐ฉ๐ข ๐๐ฆ๐ซ๐ข๐ฐ
Chapter Text
[๐ท๐ท:๐ป๐พ ๐ฟ๐ผ]
The dim glow of an old Toshiba screen flickered in Lightโs dark room, casting uneven shadows over worn-out posters and stacks of disorganized CDs.
A battered MP3 Clip lay beside the keyboard, its tangled earbuds silent witnesses to hours of looping the same The Used, Placebo, or My Chemical Romance tracks.
Light cracked his fingers before resuming the conversation.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ธ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐?
A second passed. Then another.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐.
A slight shiver ran down Lightโs spine.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ฐ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐?
The wait was longer this time.
Light stared at the screen, picturing the scenario.
A noisy cybercafรฉ, a black hoodie draped over tousled hair, an intense gaze hidden behind a dusty monitor.
The thought that they might have unknowingly shared the same space before amused him just as much as it unsettled him.
Finally, the reply came.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
...
Then, a few seconds later.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ธ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ . ๐ผ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐ธโ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ข๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐.
A shiver.
Light bit his lip, intrigued.
He liked the way this stranger wrote. No embellishments, just raw, almost mechanical words. Yet there was something hypnotic in that coldnessโlike a hidden message between the lines.
Ryuzaki lay on his mattress, his laptop resting on his stomach.
The screen cast a dim glow across the room, sending flickering shadows onto the bare walls. The coffee cup on his nightstand had long gone cold, and the only sound in the room was the soft click-click of keys beneath his fingers.
He hadnโt planned to get this involved.
At first, it was just a distraction. A mind game.
But this guy... ๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐กโhe was captivating in a strange way.
He had never seen him. Didn't know his face, his voice, not even his real name.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ข๐ ๐๐ข?๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ป๐๐๐๐. ๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐?๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐๐ข๐๐ฃ๐๐๐.๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ฝ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ฃ๐๐๐, ๐ธ๐'๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ :)๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ป๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ :)
And yet, he felt like he understood Light better than anyone else.
Maybe because they were made of the same thingsโheavy silences and sleepless nights.
He closed his eyes briefly, exhausted. Then, he let his instincts take over.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐?
Light leaned against the wall of his room, his Nokia buzzing faintly in his pocket.
His guitar was still lying on the bed, cigarette ashes scattered across the sheets.
He stared at the screen.
He could have given a simple answer.
He could have said, โBecause I like it.โ
But that wouldnโt have been the truth.
His fingers hovered over the keyboard before he finally typed:
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ธโ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
He hesitated.
Then added:
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐?
Ryuzaki stared at the screen, heart pounding a little too hard.
He could have lied. Said something vague.
But he didnโt want to play that game.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐.
The next morning, Light opened his laptop.
A message was waiting.
๐๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข. ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
๐ฑ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐.
Light frowned for a moment, then smirked.
The game had just changed.
Chapter 5: โ๐ซ๐ฑ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ข๐ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ค ๐๐ฅ๐๐ก๐ฌ๐ด๐ฐ
Chapter Text
[Saturday Night โ 10:47 PM]
The city was bathed in a halo of flickering neon lights and weary streetlamps. Humidity made the concrete glisten, and puddles reflected the glowing signs of the still-open bars and shops. The faint patter of rain on the asphalt blended with the low vibrations of a concert in full swing at a small underground venue a few blocks from downtown.
Light walked slowly along the sidewalk, hands buried in the pockets of his leather jacket. His MP3 Clip was hooked onto his belt, earbuds in, an old playlist looping. Miss Murder by AFI blasted in his ears as he moved beneath the flashing lights of a faulty billboard.
He glanced at the posters plastered on the brick wallsโflyers from past concerts, ads for albums, a half-torn Neon Genesis Evangelion sticker. Everything here reeked of the underground.
When he reached the venue, he stopped and pulled out his earbuds. Taking a deep breath, he stepped through the door.
The air inside was thick with heat and noise.
The familiar scent of warm beer, sweat, and stale tobacco lingered. Red and purple lights flickered in time with the bassline that made the floor tremble.
Light was there.
Leaning against a wall, a cigarette between his fingers, he watched the tightly packed crowd pushing toward the stage.
The band playing was goodโthough he wasnโt really listening.
He was looking for someone.
Or rather, looking without looking.
That MSN message hadnโt been just any invitation.
Someone in this crowd knew him.
Someone knew who he was.
His gaze swept over the silhouettes around himโripped jeans, leather jackets, The Used and Placebo t-shirts, studded bracelets, and chains dangling from belts. A melting pot of black hair, red streaks, piercings, and smudged eyeliner.
Light liked places like this.
A refuge for lost souls who found solace in distorted guitars and the poetry of lyrics screamed into an overdriven microphone.
He took one last drag of his cigarette before crushing it under his worn-out Converse.
If ghost_L_over, or rather, Ryuzaki, was here, he wasnโt going to reveal himself.
Not yet.
A game of shadows. A game of patience.
Ryuzaki was there too.
Sitting in a corner, hood pulled over his dark hair, a cold coffee between his fingers. He had convinced the bartender to serve him one despite the late hour, and he held onto it like an anchor, a tether to something more tangible than the game he had stepped into.
His gaze drifted across the room, searching without really searching.
He had seen Light enter.
Even though he had never seen his face before tonight, he had known it was him the moment he walked through the door.
The quiet confidence, the sharp gaze, the way he surveyed the venue with that controlled nonchalance.
Everything about him screamed band leader.
Everything about him seemed to want attention while pushing it away.
Ryuzaki bit the inside of his cheek lightly.
He could have gone up to him.
Started a conversation.
Said something simple, something direct.
But no.
It wasnโt time yet.
He wanted to see how far Light would go looking for him.
[12:17 AM]
The venue buzzed with energy.
The final chords had rung out, and already, the crowd was breaking into animated groups.
Laughter echoed, lighters flickered outside, and the fogged-up windows bore witness to the intensity of the night.
Light wove his way toward the bar and leaned against the counter.
He ordered a beer he didnโt really want.
Ran a hand through his hair before lighting another cigarette.
His Nokia S40 vibrated in his pocket.
Slowly, he pulled it out, a shiver running down his spine.
An MSN notification.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
๐๐๐'๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.ย
Lightโs head snapped up.
His eyes scanned the room, looking for a sign, a lingering stare, a suspicious movement.
Nothing.
A faint smirk curled his lips.
Fuck.
He liked this game.
He typed back quickly, thumb grazing the keypad.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐, ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐?
A few seconds passed.
Then, the reply came.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
๐ฒ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐ ๐๐๐
Light felt his heart skip a beat.
His fingers tensed slightly around his glass.
He closed his eyes for a fraction of a second before opening them again, an amused yet intrigued glint in his gaze.
He was being watched.
He smoothed down his leather jacket, feigned relaxation.
If this guy was testing him, he was going to play along.
He knew how to be patient too.
[12:32 AM]
Ryuzaki watched as Light put away his phone and scanned the room.
He wouldnโt find him.
Not tonight.
Ryuzaki knew the rules of the game.
He had chosen to remain invisible a little longer.
He wanted to see how far Light was willing to go.
A test.
A thrill ran down his spine.
He stood up slowly, pulled his hood back over his head, and slipped out of the clubโleaving behind a silhouette who, for the first time in a long while, seemed genuinely intrigued by someone other than his own reflection.
Chapter 6: ๐ ๐ข๐ฑ๐ด๐ข๐ข๐ซ ๐๐ฆ๐ต๐ข๐ฉ๐ฐ ๐๐ซ๐ก โ๐ข๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ถ
Chapter Text
[๐ผ๐๐ฝ ๐ผ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ โ ๐ถ๐ธ:๐น๐ฟ ๐ฐ๐ผ]
The glow of his old laptop screen cast a dim, bluish light across the darkened room. The air was thick with cigarette smoke and the distant echo of a Placebo album looping on his CD player.
Light sat cross-legged on his unmade bed, eyes fixed on the blinking MSN chat window.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
No response.
He drummed his fingers impatiently on the edge of his keyboard.
His ashtray was overflowing. His guitar lay abandoned next to him, left there after rehearsal.
Frustrated, he ran a hand through his hair.
This game of hide and seek was starting to consume him.
He typed again, more insistent this time.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐. ๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐๐?
Still nothing.
Light leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes.
He exhaled slowly, watching the smoke curl upward into the darkness of his room.
His Nokia S40 vibrated in the pocket of his hoodie.
He pulled it out lazily.
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Finally.
The cybercafรฉ was almost empty.
The last night survivors were lost in Flash games, goth forums, or never-ending MSN conversations.
Ryuzaki sat in his usual spot, a half-empty cup of cold coffee in front of him.
His MP3 Clip rested on the desk, earbuds loosely coiled around it.
The faint glow of his Packard Bell screen flickered weakly, struggling to load pages through the cafรฉโs unstable connection.
He had hesitated before replying.
His fingers tapped lightly against the keyboard. He let the words form in his mind before finally typing.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Light frowned at the message.
He ran his fingers along the keyboard, searching for the right words.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐ธ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ก๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ข?
A few seconds passed.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
๐ธ๐โ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Light bit the inside of his cheek.
He enjoyed this game.
But he wanted to know the rules.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐?
A long pause.
Then finally.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐โ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.
Silence.
Light set his phone down beside him and lit a cigarette.
He inhaled deeply, watching the smoke dissolve into the dim light of his room.
He had never had a conversation like this with anyone before.
Not with the fans who messaged him after his shows.
Not with his bandmates over late-night rehearsals.
Not even with himself.
This guy... was messing with his head.
He picked up his phone again and typed slowly.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ก๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐?
Ryuzaki hesitated.
Then he answered.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
๐ฐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Light clenched his jaw.
Then he smirked.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐ ๐๐๐. ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ'๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐.
Ryuzaki let out a quiet laugh as he read the message on his screen.
He took one last sip of his now-ice-cold coffee, closed his laptop, and stepped out of the cybercafรฉ into the empty streets of the night.
Chapter 7: ๐ ๐ข๐ฑ๐ด๐ข๐ข๐ซ โญ๐ฌ๐ซ๐ฃ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ฌ๐ซ ๐๐ซ๐ก ๐๐ฆ๐ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฌ๐ซ
Chapter Text
[01:23]
The glow of his old Toshiba screen flickered softly in the darkness of the room. A faint breeze stirred the curtains, carrying in the scent of damp asphalt from the street below.
Light lay stretched out on his bed, one arm folded behind his head, the other lazily brushing his keyboard. His earbuds were wrapped around his iPod Classic, where Join Me in Death by HIM played on repeatโVille Valoโs voice drifting between his thoughts.
His eyes shifted to the gently blinking MSN chat window.
ย ๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
ย ๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐?
He tapped nervously against the edge of his keyboard, waiting.
The answer didnโt take long.
ย ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
ย ๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
Light let out a faint smirk, amused.
He crossed his legs on the mattress and stared at the tired screen, its pixels flickering like the machine itself wasnโt quite sure what it wanted to show.
Across town, in a dimly lit cybercafรฉ beneath the buzzing city neon, Ryuzaki leaned back in his chair, fingers tracing the rim of a cold coffee cup.
His shoulders were tenseโlike every word he typed had to push past some invisible wall.
ย ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
ย ๐ณ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐?ย ๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
ย ๐๐๐๐. ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ข ๐ ๐๐๐ข ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข๐ฃ๐๐๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐ข๐๐๐๐.
A long pause.
Ryuzaki looked down at his screen, the blue glow outlining the exhaustion on his face.
ย ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
ย ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Light stopped breathing for a second.
He felt that weight settle deep in his chest again.
He understood. Too well.
He nervously bit his lip ring, letting his thoughts realign before responding.
ย ๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
ย ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.ย ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
ย ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐, ๐๐๐๐?
Light smiled faintly, but his heart was beating just a bit harder.
ย ๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
ย ๐ถ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
A long silence.
Then, suddenly, a new message appeared.
ย ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
ย ๐ฒ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
Light sat up slightly.
ย ๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
ย ๐ถ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.
Then, it dropped.
ย ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
ย ๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข?
Lightโs breath hitched.
He wasnโt expecting that.
Nobody asked that kind of question. Not like this. Not so bluntly, without dressing it up or hiding it behind a joke.
He tapped nervously on the keyboard. He could lie. Say โof courseโ, deflect, laugh it off.
But he didnโt want to.
ย ๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
ย ๐ธ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ .
Light leaned his head back against the wall. His eyes drifted into the emptiness of his room.
Why the hell was a fucking random stranger on MSN getting him to admit things he hadnโt even told his closest friends?
ย ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
ย ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ธ.
A chill ran down his spine.
Chapter 8: โญ๐ฌ๐ซ๐ณ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฐ๐๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฌ๐ซ๐ฐ ๐ฒ๐ซ๐ก๐ข๐ฏ ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ข ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ซ
Chapter Text
[01:57 AM]
The night was soft, carried by a light breeze sneaking in through the cracked window. Outside, the city had quieted, leaving only the distant echoes of a last bus and the hum of a lone car on wet asphalt.
In his room, Light lay on his bed, his silhouette faintly lit by the flickering glow of his Toshiba. The air smelled of stale tobacco and the static of sleepless nights. His iPod Classic rested beside him, looping an old Radiohead track.
He idly rolled a guitar pick between his fingers, sliding it across his palm, then letting it bounce against the wrinkled sheets.
Nights were too long.
And now, Ryuzaki was part of them.
Light didnโt know why, but talking to him was both calming and unsettling. It was too easy. Too fluid. Like the connection had always been thereโand theyโd just stumbled into it a little too late.
He stared at the MSN chat window.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ณ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ?
A few seconds passed before the reply came.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ธ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ . ๐ผ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐ธโ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐.
Light gently bit his lower lip, intrigued.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ท๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐โ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ 3 ๐.๐. ๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐?๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ฐ๐๐ ๐๐ข๐. ๐ธ๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐๐๐.
Light smiled.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ?๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ฐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐ณ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ผ๐๐๐โฆ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.
Light sat up slightly, a flicker of interest in his eyes.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ฐ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐ข๐๐๐ 3 ๐.๐. ๐๐๐๐? ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐?
Long pause. Thenโฆ
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
โ๐ณ๐๐๐๐๐โ โ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Light raised a brow.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐โ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐ข๐๐.๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐พ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ข๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
Light let out a quiet laugh.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ผ๐๐๐โ๐ โ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ท๐๐๐โ โ ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ , ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐พ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐.
A silence settled. But it was a soft one. The kind that didnโt feel awkward.
Light opened a new message. He hesitated, then typed:
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ธ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐โ๐.
Light took a deep breath and stared at the screen for a few seconds.
Then he did something heโd never done with someone from MSN.
He opened a new conversation window.
A voice call.
His heart was pounding a little too fast.
He hesitated, ready to hang up before it even rang.
But after a few seconds, there was a clickโfollowed by silence.
Then a voice.
A calm voice, slightly rough. Like a whisper in the dark.
โItโs the first time youโve called me.โ
Light smiled.
โYeah.โ
A pause. Then, softer:
โDoes it bother you?โ
โNo.โ
Light closed his eyes.
Heโd never heard Ryuzakiโs voice before.
And now that he had,
he knew heโd want to hear it again.
They stayed there,
saying nothing,
just listening
to each otherโs breath
through the static of their mics.
Maybe this was what real connection felt like.ย
Chapter 9: ๐๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ข ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ข ๐๐ซ๐ก ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ณ๐ถ ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ข๐ซ๐ ๐ข๐ฐ
Chapter Text
[03:12 AM]
Light jolted awake, breath shallow.
His heart was racingโtoo fast, too loud. Like something inside him was trying to break free.
He was lying on his bed, but it felt like falling through a void.
He inhaled sharply, trying to focus on somethingโanythingโin his room. Breathe.
But his body wouldnโt listen. His brain was on repeat.
The silence was deafening.
His fingers trembled as they searched for his phone on the nightstand. He found it by touch, the Nokia slipping slightly in his damp palms before he gripped it tightly.
The blue glow of the screen lit up the darkness around him. Shadows of familiar objects loomed large against the wallsโhis guitar leaning against the wardrobe, crumpled sheets, an overflowing ashtray, a tipped-over soda can on his desk.
He unlocked it quickly.
MSN was still open.
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 โ ๐พ๐๐๐๐๐.
Light didnโt think.
He opened a new voice chat and hit โcall.โ
[03:14 AM]
Ryuzaki jumped at the sound of the ringing.
He was still sitting in front of his screen, elbows resting on the table at the dim cybercafรฉ.
The cold coffee cup next to the keyboard hadnโt moved in hours.
He never slept at that time.
But this callโฆ
This wasnโt expected.
He furrowed his brow slightly, then accepted, slipping on his headset.
โLight?โ
Silence.
Just the sound of quick, erratic breathing.
Shuffling. A trembling exhale. Then, a voiceโfragile, broken.
โI canโt breathe.โ
Ryuzaki sat up immediately, his mind switching into analysis mode.
Panic attack.
His chest tightened a little, but his voice stayed steady.
โOkay. Stay with me.โ
Silence.
Light wasnโt speaking, but Ryuzaki could hear the storm in his breath.
โLight. Can you hear me?โ
A soft soundโbarely a whisper.
โYeah.โ
Ryuzaki closed his eyes for a second, then spoke in a low, grounded tone.
โI want you to do something for me. Look around you, okay? Tell me five things you see.โ
Unsteady breathing.
Light hesitated, then murmured:
โMy... guitar. My computer. My iPod. A crushed cigarette. My sheets.โ
โGood. Now four things you can touch.โ
Silence.
Then, softer:
โMy pillow... my t-shirt... my necklace... the wood of the bed.โ
His breathing was still uneven, but steadier now.
Ryuzaki kept going, his voice anchoring them in the dark.
โThree things you can hear.โ
โYour voice... the rain outside... my breathing.โ
โTwo things you can smell.โ
Light focused on his inhale.
โCigarette smoke... and the cold metal of my ring.โ
Ryuzaki smiled faintly.
โOne thing you can taste.โ
Light ran his tongue across his dry lips.
โCoffee.โ
A longer silence.
Then, a deeper breath.
โFeeling any better?โ
Light exhaled slowly.
โYeah. Thanks, and... sorry...โ
โYou donโt need to be sorry.โ
A faint โhmโ was all that came next.
Ryuzaki didnโt reply right away. He just listened, waited. Lightโs breath was returning to normal.
Then, gently:
โDo you want me to stay on the line?โ
A pause. Then something raw. Honest.
โYeah. Just... stay.โ
Ryuzaki didnโt hang up.
And for the next few hours,
they stayed together
in the hush between heartbeats.
A comforting white noise in a night too heavy to bear.
[03:47 AM]
Lightโs breathing had steadied, but sleep wouldnโt come.
Rain kept falling outsideโsteady, soothing.
He stared at the ceiling, phone pressed to his ear, listening to Ryuzaki breathe on the other end.
It was strange, knowing he was thereโsomewhereโwithout really being there.
Light finally broke the silence.
โDoes it happen to you too?โ
Ryuzaki didnโt answer immediately.
โWhat?โ
โThose nights when it feels like your own brainโs trying to kill you.โ
A quiet, humorless laugh came through.
โMore often than Iโd like to admit.โ
Light shut his eyes.
He didnโt know why he was talking so much. Maybe it was the hour. Maybe the aftershock of panic.
Or maybe it was because Ryuzaki got it.
โItโs stupid. I stand on stage every week in front of dozens of people, and sometimes I even believe Iโm as cool as they think I am.โ
A bitter chuckle escaped him.
โBut then there are nights like this. Where I just feel... empty. Like everythingโs fake.โ
Silence.
Then Ryuzakiโs voice, calm and true:
โI understand.โ
Light gave a sad smile.
โYeah. I think thatโs why I called you.โ
Ryuzaki didnโt answer.
But Light could feel him through the silence.
A silence that didnโt crush him.
A silence that said โIโm here.โ
Light breathed deep, stared at the ceiling dappled in trembling shadows, and whispered:
โI donโt want to hang up.โ
Ryuzaki was quiet for a moment.
Then, his voiceโgentle, sure:
โThen donโt. Iโm here.โ
And they stayed like that.
Until morning began to seep through closed curtains.
Until the night swallowed them whole.
Chapter 10: ๐๐๐ฐ๐ข๐ซ๐ ๐ข ๐๐ซ๐ก ๐ฉ๐ฌ๐ซ๐ค๐ฆ๐ซ๐ค
Chapter Text
Sunlight filtered through the messy curtains, casting shifting shadows across the bedroom walls.
Light slowly opened his eyes. His eyelids felt heavy, like his body still refused to fully wake.
But he had slept.
Not for long, not deeply, but enough to feel the difference.
His phone was still clutched in his hand. He lifted it to his face, squinting against the too-bright screen of his Nokia S40.
MSN was still blinking softly.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐ณ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐?ย
Light exhaled gently, then typed a quick reply.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐ฐ ๐๐๐. ๐๐๐?
The answer came almost instantly.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐ฝ๐.
Light sat up slowly, stretching with a groan. His muscles were stiff, tiredโbut lighter than the night before.
He rubbed a hand across his face, then frowned slightly as he typed again.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐โ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐ข๐๐.
A pause.
ย
Then, a reply he didnโt expect.ย
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐.
His stomach twisted.
ย
Light stared at the screen, heart beating a little too fast for something so simple.
ย
It was too soon to feel this. Too soon for those words to hit that hard.
ย
He pushed the blanket aside and stood up slowly.
ย
He needed coffee.
ย
His first reflex was to turn on his stereo and crank the volume. The opening notes of Placeboโs Running Up That Hill filled the room, blending with the distant hum of cars outside.
ย
He glanced back at the screen. Hesitated. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, then finally moved.ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐ท๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
He didnโt know why he was asking.
ย
Didnโt even know if he really wanted the answer.
ย
A pause.
ย
Then finally:
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐ฝ๐. ๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐?
Light stared at the screen, jaw tightening slightly.
ย
He could lie.
ย
But something about the strange intimacy of their conversation made it impossible.ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ .
Light was supposed to be at the studio.
ย
His bassist had called twice. He hadnโt answered.
ย
Heโd just texted back: โNot today. See you tomorrow.โ
ย
And now, he was here.
ย
Lying on his bed.
ย
His phone resting on his chest, waiting for a message that wouldnโt come.
ย
He shook his head.
ย
This is ridiculous.
ย
Since when did he wait for someone like this?
Since when did a random guy on MSN take up this much space in his brain?
ย
He grabbed his phone, powered it on, opened MSN.
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 โ ๐พ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐ธ
Light sighed, frustrated.
ย
He didnโt know what to do with this emptiness, this feeling that something was missing.
ย
He opened a new conversation and typed without thinking.ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐?ย
A few seconds passed.
ย
Then, a notification.
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Lightโs heart beat faster than he wanted it to.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐๐๐ข?
Light stared at the screen.
ย
Hesitated. Then finally typed:ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐ธ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ . ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
A long pause.
ย
Too long.
ย
Then finally, the reply:ย
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐ธโ๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐ป๐๐๐๐.
And Light felt an invisible weight lift from his chest.
Chapter 11: ๐๐ก๐ก๐ฆ๐ ๐ฑ๐ข๐ก ๐ฑ๐ฌ ๐ ๐ค๐ฅ๐ฌ๐ฐ๐ฑ
Notes:
sorry for the late, i was at a manga convention all weekend! it was so good, i already miss it T_T
seeing all those people having fun, the great vibes, the beautiful creations, the amazing cosplays... it really warmed my heart. too bad no one could come with meโnone of my close friends love manga as much as i do. i hope one day i'll go with friends who love it just as much and maybe even cosplay together.
anyway, here are the two chapters! <3
Chapter Text
[02:14 AM]
The night was eerily calm.
Through the slightly open window, the city seemed to be holding its breath, lulled only by the whisper of the wind and the distant purr of a car sliding down the damp asphalt.
Light lay on his bed, one arm tucked under his head, the other resting on his iPod Classic on his chest. He let the gentle breeze drift into his room, brushing against his skin like a lullaby.
The melancholic, saturated melody of Silver and Cold by AFI floated through the air, blending with the slow, measured breath of the singer.
He couldnโt sleep. Again.
But this time, it wasnโt panic.
This time, it was Ryuzaki.
Nothing remarkable had happened today.
No breakdowns. No heavy confessions. Just a day filled with exchanged messages, stupid banter, useless debates about which Smashing Pumpkins album was the best, or why MSN Messenger ads took an eternity to load.
Nothing important.
And yetโฆ
He was addicted.
He refreshed MSN every five minutes, even when there was nothing new.
He stared at his phone more than usual.
He got annoyed when Ryuzaki took too long to reply.
Light had told himself it was just curiosity.
That he just liked the game.
But nowโฆ
He knew it was more than that.
Heโd been in denial for too long.
He sighed, rubbed his eyes, then grabbed his phone and opened a new MSN conversation. Again.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐?
He waited a few seconds.
Then a few minutes.
A notification popped up.
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Light flinched slightly, his heart beating just a little too fast.
Then, the message appeared.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ธ ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐.
Light felt his throat tighten.
He swallowed hard.
Shit.
[03:02 AM]
The conversation kept goingโfluid, hypnotic.
Light had left his bed, sitting now with his back to the wall, phone sometimes pressed to his ear like the sound alone could bring them closer.
Heโd opened his balcony door and stood framed in it, leaning out into the night, letting the cold air and city lights wash over him.
He typed without really thinking.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ธ๐๐โ๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐?๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐๐๐๐?
Light bit his thumb absentmindedly, hesitating.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
Silence.
Then the reply came.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ผ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.
Light frowned.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐โฆ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐?
A long silence.
Then a simpler reply than heโd expected.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ธ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐.
Light closed his eyes for a moment.
He didnโt want to reply too fast.
Didnโt want to say something heโd regret.
But he couldnโt lie.
So he typed, slowly.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐๐. ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐.
And maybe that was it.
The first real promise theyโd made to each other.ย
Chapter 12: ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ฏ๐ข๐๐ฉ, ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ฑ ๐ฏ๐ข๐๐ฉ ๐ข๐ซ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ค๐ฅ
Chapter Text
[6:42 PM]
Light stared at his worn-out laptop screen.
Twilight light filtered through half-closed curtains, casting blurred shadows across the walls. His room was a mess โ a pile of CDs scattered on his desk, lyrics scribbled across torn pages next to an overflowing ashtray.
He was supposed to be working on new songs.
His notebook was open. The blank page stared back.
But nothing came.
His thoughts were too full.
He opened MSN on autopilot, his body moving before his mind even made a decision.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 - ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
A chill ran down his spine.
There. Still there.
Light wasnโt the type to overthink before typing.
But this time... he hesitated.
He wanted to talk.
He wanted to know.
But he was scared of the answer.
After a minute, he finally typed:
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ณ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
He stared at the screen, heart pounding too hard in his chest.
Then suddenlyโ
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Light frowned.
Fuck.
What the hell kind of reaction was that?
[9:37 PM]
Ryuzaki hadnโt come back.
Light kept refreshing MSN, checking his phone, refreshing the tab.
Nothing.
He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.
Why did he ask that question?
Wasnโt it fine the way it was?
It was perfect because it wasnโt real. Thatโs what Ryuzaki had said. And he knew that.
And yet...
He needed more.
He wanted a voice.
A look.
Something to hold on to.
He grabbed his phone and opened a new MSN message.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ณ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐?
Nothing.
He hesitated.
Then typed faster.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐ข๐๐ฃ๐๐๐?
Still nothing.
A sick feeling twisted in his stomach.
What the hell did he do?
[1:04 AM]
Light had ended up lying on his bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling.
He tried not to think too much.
But he couldnโt sleep, not with that silence.
When suddenly, his phone vibrated โ his heart skipped.
MSN.
He shot up and opened the chat.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ธ'๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข. ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
Light exhaled, relieved, but not fully reassured.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐?
A long pause.
Then, the reply.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
Lightโs stomach tightened.
Of course.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐ข?
Another pause.
Then something he didnโt want to read.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
Light took a deep breath.
He couldโve given up.
He couldโve said โYeah, maybe.โ
But instead, he typed slowly:
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐?
A pause.
But this time, it didnโt feel so heavy.
Chapter 13: ๐ ๐ข๐ฑ๐ด๐ข๐ข๐ซ ๐๐๐ซ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ค ๐๐ซ๐ก ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ข๐ฆ๐ซ๐ค
Notes:
Surprise update <3
Chapter Text
ย
[2:17 AM]
Light was still staring at the screen.
Ryuzakiโs words echoed in his head.
โWhat if itโs disappointing?โ
He didnโt like it. He didnโt like that Ryuzaki thought that way.
Light wasnโt the type to believe in illusions. He had never been the guy who idealized anything. Life was brutal, and heโd learned long ago that things rarely went as planned.
But Ryuzakiโฆ
Ryuzaki was different.
He wanted to believe that what they had โ as strange as it sounded โ was real, even if it was through a screen.
So why did Ryuzaki keep pushing him away?
Light typed something, hesitated, deleted it. He closed his eyes for a moment, then finally sent a message.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ก๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ?
Ryuzaki didnโt respond right away.
Light waited, his foot tapping nervously against the floor. He couldโve gotten angry, demanded an answer. But he knew that pushing Ryuzaki wouldnโt help. He had to calm down. This wasnโt like him to be impulsive.
And then, finallyโฆ
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ธโ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐.
Light furrowed his brow.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ?๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ธ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐ ๐โ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข. ๐ธ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐โฆ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐๐๐ ?
Light clenched his jaw.
He understood what Ryuzaki meant. But it drove him crazy.
He wanted more.
And Ryuzaki was telling him that more might ruin it all.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ณ๐๐โ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐โ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ?๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ธ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ . ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
An invisible weight settled on Lightโs chest.
He took a slow breath.
Then typed one last line.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ณ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ?
He waited for a reply.
But this time, it didnโt come.
[4:03 AM]
Light was still awake.
He turned to the side, staring at his bedroom wall like it might hold the answers he needed.
He hated this feeling. The sensation of being addicted to something he couldnโt touch.
The feeling that Ryuzaki was there, without being there.
He grabbed his Nokia, spun it between his fingers.
One call. Just one.
If he called now, would Ryuzaki answer?
Or would it push him even further away?
Light sighed and let the phone fall onto his pillow.
He couldnโt force Ryuzaki to want the same thing.
It hurt, but thatโs how it was.
But he could wait.
Ryuzaki might change his mind.
Light could make him want to change his mind.
At least, he hoped.
He just didnโt know how long he could hold on.
ย
Chapter 14: ๐๐ฑ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ค ๐๐ ๐ฏ๐ฌ๐ฐ๐ฐ ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ข ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ข
Chapter Text
ย
[7:46 PM]
Light was irritated.
No.
He was losing his mind.
It had been two days since Ryuzaki last logged onto MSN. Two fucking days without messages, calls, or even a sign he was still out there.
And Light hated what that did to him.
Dependent. Frustrated. Addicted.
He had never needed anyone before. Not like this.
Everything was going fine. Well, in broad strokes, anyway. But he used to be content alone or with his close ones, never feeling this need, this ache, this longing.
Heโd never felt this for anyone. What did it even mean? Not even with his exes โ and he loved them, back then.
And yet, here, he didnโt even know Ryuzaki in real life. He was just a fucking MSN username behind a screen.
He didnโt understand.
And now, he was pacing around his apartment, trying to escape the unbearable silence.
His laptop screen was still glowing, MSN Messenger open in that familiar blueish hue. As usual.
He opened the chat window.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 - ๐พ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Light clenched his jaw, fingers tensing over the keyboard.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐?
He waited a bit. No reply.
He stared at the screen for several seconds, jaw tight, then slammed his laptop shut.
He grabbed his phone, spinning it nervously in his hands.
He couldnโt just wait for Ryuzaki to come back on his own time.
Not this time.
He wanted to see how far this could go.
[10:18 PM]
Light was lying on his bed, staring at the screen, his Nokia resting on his chest.
The room was dim, lit only by the blinking light on his PC and the fading red glow of a half-burned cigarette in the ashtray.
His thumb hovered over the send button.
Heโd hesitated.
He knew this was risky.
But he needed to know.
Finally, he took a deep breath and typed:
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ท๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐?
He stared at the screen.
One minute passed.
Then two.
Then three.
And finallyโฆ
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐.
Light jolted, a shiver running down his spine.
Ryuzaki was there.
He saw the message.
But he didnโt answer.
Light waited, staring at the screen like sheer will could summon a reply.
He knew Ryuzaki was overthinking.
And then, finally...
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ฝ๐.
Light raised an eyebrow.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐?
A pause.
Then a reply he already knew deep down.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐, ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
Light smiled faintly.
He expected that.
And thatโs exactly why he was going to test how far Ryuzaki was willing to go.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐.
A long silence.
Then finally...
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
...
Light smiled, but his heart was pounding.
He knew Ryuzaki didnโt expect this.
He knew it set fire to everything theyโd tried to keep safe.
He loved that power.
He hated that power.
Then, at last...
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐๐๐โ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
Light hesitated for a second.
Then he answered, twisting the knife just a bit deeper.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐๐๐๐. ๐ฐ๐๐ ๐๐๐ , ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐?
[11:04 PM]
Ryuzaki stared at the screen, fingers trembling over the keyboard.
He didnโt know how to respond.
Light had looked beyond the screen.
He had broken the rule.
The only thing that protected them from real life.
Ryuzaki closed his eyes. One second. Two.
Then, slowly...
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :
๐ธ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐... ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐?
Light chuckled softly, lips twisting into a crooked smile.
He wanted him to say it.
To force him to cross that line.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :
๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ธโ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.
ย
Chapter 15: ๐๐ฅ๐ข ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐๐ก๐ฌ๐ด ๐ฆ๐ซ ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ข ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฌ๐ด๐ก
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
[02:31 AM]
Ryuzaki was sitting in the darkness of his room, eyes locked on the screen of his laptop.
He could feel his own heart pounding against his ribcage.
He had broken his own rule.
Light didnโt know.
He didnโt know that Ryuzaki had cracked too.
He didnโt know Ryuzaki had spent the whole evening searching.
But not online. Not through a screen.
In real life.
He had wanted to know.
He had needed to see.
So he had dug through underground forums, scoured local scene zines, lurked anonymous music blogs for a clue slipped between the lines.
And he had found it.
Lightโs next concert.
A small, dark club on the edge of town.
One of those places where the floor sticks with spilled beer, where cigarette smoke hangs between the red spotlights and vibrating amps.
Light would be playing there, in three days.
And Ryuzaki would be there too.
He hadnโt told him.
He wouldnโt.
Because if he did, he would have time to change his mind.
And Ryuzaki knew he couldnโt afford to let that happen.
[10:14 PM]
Light was backstage, back against the wall, a half-smoked cigarette between his fingers.
The club was packed tonight.
The lights were dim, the air saturated with tension, and something lingered in the atmosphere, something almost tangible he couldnโt quite name.
But his mind was elsewhere.
Since their last conversation, Ryuzaki had been distant. Again. Always.
He still replied on MSN, but slower, more carefully.
Like he thought too hard about every word.
Like he weighed each response before hitting Enter.
And Light hated that.
He needed to shake him, to make him understand he wasnโt afraid.
So why was Ryuzaki hesitating so much?
He didnโt have to be scared either.
A staff member poked his head through the door.
โYouโre on in five.โ
Light crushed his cigarette, exhaled one last breath of smoke, and nodded.
โIโm coming.โ
Ryuzaki was there.
Standing at the back of the club, in a dark corner, invisible among the crowd in motion.
He wore a black hoodie, the hood slightly up to shadow his face.
But this time, he wasnโt hiding behind a screen.
He had already seen Light.
He knew exactly who he was.
He knew how he moved on stage, how his gaze swept the room, how his voice vibrated under the neon lights.
But seeing Light here, under the spotlights, surrounded by this shifting crowdโฆ
It was different.
He knew him, and yet, he felt like he was discovering him all over again.
Light was there, in the flesh.
Leaning against the stage speaker, guitar resting on his hip like it had always belonged there.
Light.
Ryuzaki stared in silence, unable to look away.
His copper hair fell in soft strands across his eyes, and once again, heโd pulled off that outfit that screamed โI donโt careโ while being meticulously crafted.
He was perfectly in sync with the words he sang or posted on Skyblog.
A loose black shirt, sleeves striped blood red and black stretching to his fingers. A loosely tied necktie hung from his neck, an ironic nod to the high school heโd long since left behind. It made him look detached and serious at once.
On his shoulders and pants, bright red crosses were stitched โ loud, almost blasphemous.
A silent message to society, or maybe just to himself.
His black pants were wide, barely holding onto his hips, covered in straps and silver studs. On his feet, his usual platform shoes with metal eyelets โ too heavy for someone so fluid on stage.
Fuck, it was terrifying to realize you could admire someone right down to how they wore a fucking red cross on their leg.
And that guitar... covered in punk stickers and scratches.
Ryuzaki couldnโt even hear the soundcheck anymore.
He only saw him. He only analyzed him.
Light, who was now teasing his lip piercing with his tongue in a way far too provocative to be accidental.
But now wasnโt the time to stare.
Now, Ryuzaki had to decide.
Run.
Or stay.
...
And he stayed.
[11:15 PM]
The last song began.
A dark ballad, slow, different from the raw energy of the earlier tracks.
Light stepped up to the mic, fingers clenched around the cold metal stand.
His gaze swept the crowd.
He took a deep breath, and then his lips parted with a confession.
โThis songโฆโ
He paused, his heartbeat rising to his throat.
โI wrote it for someone Iโve never met.โ
A shiver ran through Ryuzaki.
Every muscle in his body tensed.
Light smiled faintly, but his expression was serious.
He squinted, gaze piercing, troubled, determined.
โWellโฆโ
He let the silence stretch.
Then added in a low, rough voice:
โNot yet.โ
A murmur rippled through the crowd.
A chill traced Ryuzakiโs spine.
Light closed his eyes.
And he sang.
The guitar echoed in the hush.
Lightโs voice rose, and every word hit Ryuzaki like a direct punch to the chest.
"You're the voice I hear in static noise,
The echo lost between the voids."
"Your name's a whisper on my skin,
Too far to touch, too close to sin."
Ryuzaki clenched his fists.
It was him.
That song was for him.
He recognized the feelings, the nights spent talking, the heavy silences, the walls theyโd built between them.
And now, Light was tearing them down one by one.
"But if I reach for you, will you stay?
Or will you fade away like yesterday?"
Ryuzaki couldnโt breathe anymore.
He couldnโt hide anymore.
He had crossed a line by coming here.
And now, he had to decide.
Run.
ย
Or face him.
ย
Notes:
Just a quick note to say that Iโm French and I do speak English, but Iโm not quite fluent enough yet to consider myself bilingual. I use myself and internet to help with translations, and I try to proofread as much as possible to avoid mistakes โ but if there are any awkwardly translated sentences or other errors, I apologize in advance! :)
Chapter 16: ๐๐ฅ๐ข ๐ฏ๐ข๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ถ ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐๐ฑ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ฐ
Chapter Text
The music faded, the last chord still vibrating through the packed venue.
Light stood still for a moment, his hand gripping the mic, his breath ragged from the adrenaline.
He could feel the sweat running down his neck, the ampsโ vibrations still echoing through his ribcage.
Everything felt weightless, unreal, as if time had stopped the exact moment heโd closed his eyes on that final note.
He opened his eyelids slowly.
He scanned the crowd, maybe searching for something.
Or someone.
Then, in a hoarse voice, barely more than a whisper, he murmured:
"Thank you."
And he left the stage.
The backstage door slammed shut behind him.
Far from the heat of the spotlights, the restless crowd, and the noise that still echoed inside him, he leaned against the wall, closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.
He felt drained.
Like he had just ripped a piece of himself out in front of everyone.
But he hadnโt sung it for them.
Heโd sung it for him.
For Ryuzaki.
If he was here.
If he existed.
If he was more than a voice on the phone, more than a username on MSN.
Light opened his eyes, shook his head, and grabbed a water bottle from the table.
He was losing his mind.
He brought the bottle to his lips, but the water had no taste.
He knew why.
Because some fucking other thought was haunting him.
He wished he was here.
[00:05 AM]
The club had calmed down.
The amps were off, the sound of clinking glasses at the bar had replaced the distorted guitars, and a few stragglers lingered, clinging to the last moments of the night.
Light wove through the sparse crowd, hands shoved deep into his pockets.
He didnโt know where he was going.
He just knew he didnโt want to stay there.
He needed air.
So he hurried outside.
He pushed the exit door with a weary gesture. The night air slapped gently against his face โ cold but pleasant, like a slap that somehow felt good. He exhaled deeply, pulling a pack of cigarettes from the inside pocket of his jacket.
He placed one between his lips, the air still thick with smoke and post-show adrenaline. One hand rose to shield the flame from the wind, the other already clicking his lighter โ a little ritual, automatic, almost soothing.
Then, he felt it.
A presence.
Heavy.
Massive.
A silence in the middle of the noise.
And when he looked up, his heart skipped a beat.
Right in front of him, leaning against a wall, one foot resting against the brick, a figure almost swallowed by the shadows.
But Light didnโt need light.
He knew instantly.
A guy.
All in black.
Hood up.
Hands in his pockets.
A gaze too intense.
Too familiar.
Light didnโt need confirmation.
He recognized the attitude before the face.
He knew even before the other spoke.
Ryuzaki.
Calm. Silent.
It was him.
He was there.
Fuck.
The corner of Lightโs mouth lifted before he could stop it.
Ryuzaki slowly raised his head.
And their eyes met.
A cold shiver ran up Lightโs spine.
It was him.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
It was him.
He existed.
He was real.
More than a screen.
More than a username.
More than a voice whispered through a phone at 3AM.
Ryuzaki didnโt move.
He didnโt speak.
He was just there.
And Light didnโt know what to do.
He shouldโve spoken.
But no words came.
He shouldโve moved.
But he was frozen.
Ryuzaki too.
There were no filters, no distance, no pixels.
Just two real bodies, two gazes locked onto each other.
A fucking electric tension between them.
And Light hated the way his first instinct was to want to kiss him.
Hard.
Now.
Right here.
He wanted to grab him, push him up against that wall, to see if he was as cold as his tone had always been.
He wanted to find out if this connection hit just as violently outside the screen.
But he didnโt move.
Didnโt speak.
Only a stare.
Only a silence.
Only a fucking tension that made him feel like he was drowning.
Ryuzaki moved first.
He opened his mouth, like he was going to speak, then hesitated.
And finally, in a rough, husky breath, he muttered, with a shrug and a faint smile:
"I wanted to see."
His voice was lower than Light had imagined. Sure, he had heard it on a call before โ but it wasnโt the same as reality.
Slightly raspy.
Like someone who doesnโt talk much.
Light pressed his lips together, nodding slowly.
Yeah.
He couldnโt blame him.
Because, fuckโฆ
Ryuzaki was here.
He was here.
And that was all that mattered.
Chapter 17: ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ช๐ฒ๐ ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ญ๐๐ ๐ข, ๐ฑ๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ ๐ฉ๐ฌ๐ฐ๐ข
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Light could feel the air between them.
A tangible void.
Electric.
Heavy without being suffocating.
Ryuzaki was there.
Real.
Standing in front of him.
And it hit Light like a fucking freight train.
For months, heโd only been a voice through a phone, a username on MSN, an echo in the night, green text glowing on a CRT screen.
But now, he was a presence.
A silhouette both too familiar and somehow foreign.
Light looked him over.
Messy black hair, oversized hoodie, a bit of black makeup under his eyes, sleeves hanging over his hands, posture slightly hunched โ like he was trying to disappear into himself.
He looked nervous.
And that was weird.
Light shouldโve said something.
Cracked a joke.
Made it lessโฆ charged.
But his brain had short-circuited.
So he just blurted out:
โYouโre taller than I thought.โ
A pause.
Then an amused exhale.
Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow, the hint of a smirk on his lips.
โYouโre louder than I thought.โ
Light let a crooked smile tug at his mouth.
Okay.
So thatโs how it was.
Still a game between us.
But this time, for real.
He crossed his arms, tilting his head slightly.
โSo? What did you think?โ
Ryuzaki gave a small shrug, his eyes drifting around, like he was trying to analyze the setting, decode the moment.
โLoud.โ
Light let out a soft laugh.
Fuck.
It was so strange and so normal at the same time.
They eventually sat down at a table.
Silence returned.
But it wasnโt uncomfortable.
Justโฆ hard to describe.
Like when a song ends and the MP3 player takes a second too long to start the next one.
They were there.
And that was enough.
Almost.
Light cleared his throat.
His heart was beating too hard.
He knew he had to say something.
So he finally asked:
โSoโฆwhy?โ
Ryuzaki shrugged, eyes dropping for a second, his hood slipping back slightly.
His hair fell across his eyes.
A stupid, meaningless detail.
But for Light, it was the kind of thing that made him want to know him more.
Eventually, Ryuzaki murmured:
โTo see if you were real, more than a name on MSN. โ
Light felt his stomach twist.
So that was it.
Theyโd spent months floating between two worlds, and now that Ryuzaki was here โ it couldnโt be undone.
Light slowly nodded.
โAnd?โ
Ryuzaki looked up at him.
That look.
Fuck.
That look he had searched for between every MSN message.
That look heโd missed without even realizing it.
And then came the answer.
โYou are.โ
Light clenched his jaw.
His body reacted before he even knew why.
Fingers tensed. Legs suddenly felt heavy.
It was so dumb.
So ridiculous.
But it hit him.
So he just nodded.
โSo are you.โ
Theyโd spent a good hour talking about nothing and everything.
Ryuzaki ran a hand through his hair โ a gesture almost nervous, almost absent.
And Light knew.
He was going to leave.
Not because he didnโt care.
Not because he was running.
But because it was too much.
And Light didnโt want to push.
Heโd spent months figuring out how Ryuzaki worked.
So he just looked at him, a slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
โYou planning to disappear after this?โ
Ryuzaki looked up, surprised.
Then, after a moment โ a pause so subtle it couldโve gone unnoticed, yet it was there, hanging heavy:
โNot this time.โ
Something cracked inside Light.
Something he didnโt want to put back together.
He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
He felt like a fucking scratched CD, stuck on a chorus.
Too much space.
Too close.
He looked up at Ryuzaki, something almost playful in his eyes.
โThen you know where to find me.โ
A beat.
Then another.
And Ryuzaki smiled.
Vague. Soft. Fragile.
A smile like a coded message.
Then he turned to go.
And Light watched him leave, without trying to stop him.
He couldโve run after him.
He couldโve told him to stay.
He couldโve fucked it all up by holding on like a kid addicted to his favorite song.
But this time, he knew.
Ryuzaki would come back.
And he would be waiting.
Notes:
they're a bit nervous and the moment is a bit awkward haha ^^'
Chapter 18: ๐๐ฅ๐ข ๐๐๐ฐ๐ข๐ซ๐ ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐๐ฑ ๐ด๐ข๐ฆ๐ค๐ฅ๐ฐ
Chapter Text
[Day +3]
Light felt like shit.
He didnโt want to admit it.
But fuck, he felt like shit.
It clung to his ribs like a dull ache, an anxiety that wouldnโt let go. He kept pacing around his room, lighting then crushing half-smoked cigarettes, staring at his ceiling without seeing it.
Three days.
Three fucking days since that night.
Since that punch of reality.
Since heโd seen him for real.
And since then? Nothing. Digital void. Not even a "seen." Not even a sigh.
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 โ ๐พ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
No messages.
No calls.
Not even a goddamn ellipsis.
The screen reflected nothing but his own faceโhollow-eyed, tense, exhausted.
A ghost among the pixels.
Light wasnโt stupid.
He knew why.
Ryuzaki was freaking out.
Heโd stepped into the real world, and now he was trying to regain control by vanishing.
As if closing his eyes would erase what happened.
Light wanted to yell at him.
Tell him he was a coward, that you donโt just leave like that.
But more than anything...
He just wanted to talk to him.
To hear that slightly too-rough voice again.
Those hesitant sentences.
That dark humor, that intense gaze behind the screen.
So he opened MSN.
The chat was still there, frozen in time.
Empty.
Frozen.
He stared at the little window for a long while.
Then he typed, without thinking. Fingers twitching, almost trembling.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐ท๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ?
He hit Enter.
A dry, mechanical click.
Nothing.
Just the wind behind the window, and his heart pounding too loud.
He waited.
One, three, five, several minutes, too much minutes.
Still nothing.
So he typed again. Slower this time, heavier words.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐ธ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐, ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ?
...
Still no answer.
Nothing but that fucking silence.
Digital, cruel, sharp silence.
Light clenched his jaw. He stood up abruptly, paced around, then sat again, more restless than ever.
He refused to let it end like that.
So he typed one last thing.
Something he wouldnโt have said a week ago.
Not out loud.
Not even to himself.
But now...
He knew.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐.
He hit Enter.
Then slammed his laptop shut, like he was running from his own words.
Without waiting.
Without breathing.
[Day +4]
Ryuzaki sat in the dark.
His room bathed in pale grey-blue light.
The screen lit up his tired face.
The circles under his eyes deepened with every hour spent not knowing what to do.
His fingers hovered over the keyboard, frozen.
The room was silent.
Not the comforting kind.
The kind that screams.
The kind that pounds at your temples, that crushes your chest.
He stared at Lightโs last message.
๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐.
His heart beat way too fast.
Like it wanted to break free from his chest.
Heโd tried to distance himself.
He thought it would feel better that way.
That he could just... disappear, quietly.
Become a username again. A ghost.
But now, that was impossible.
Because now, Light knew he was real.
And worse...
He knew he mattered.
And Ryuzaki?
Ryuzaki didnโt want to hide anymore.
He closed his eyes for a second, hand tightening on the edge of the keyboard.
Then he exhaled.
Fuck.
He opened MSN.
Typed slowly.
Just one message.
He left it at that.
No more.
But it was all he had to give.
And it was already huge.
[Day +5]
Early morning, like he had for the past few days, Lightโs first automatic move was to open his laptopโheart heavy, but resigned.
He expected nothing.
He was bracing for the void.
Or at least, he tried not to hope.
But still, he waited for that tiny sound.
And when the MSN window opened, his heart skipped a beat.
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 โ ๐พ๐๐๐๐๐.
And one message. Just one.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
๐ผ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐.
Light felt something snap inside.
A tension. A fear. A joy.
His breath hitched.
And a smile escaped him.
Small. Fragile. But there.
It was tiny.
But real.
And that was enough.
Chapter 19: ๐๐ฅ๐ข ๐ก๐ฏ๐ฌ๐ด๐ซ๐ข๐ก ๐ฑ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ฅ
Chapter Text
[01:42 AM]
Light was drunk.
Not just a little.
Completely, utterly, hopelessly drunk.
The whiskey bottle was still lying around on the coffee table, half empty.
Or half full.
He didnโt give a shit.
The evening had started normally.
One drink.
Then two.
Then a bottle passed between Renโs hands and the other guys from the band, crammed into an apartment way too small for so many people.
The speakers were blasting The Used, a Winamp playlist on shuffle that kept skipping every three songs because the MP3 files were corrupted.
The conversations were too loud, the lights too low, and somewhere in all that mess, Light had felt... elsewhere.
Like a side character in his own life.
So he went home.
Alone.
And now, here he was.
Sitting on his bed.
MSN open in front of him, his finger sliding lazily over the keyboard of his Toshiba, staring at Ryuzakiโs last message.
๐ผ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐.
Light pressed his lips together.
He hadnโt stopped thinking about it.
For five days.
Since those three fucking words had etched themselves into his memory, like a stubborn riff he couldnโt erase.
He opened a new conversation.
Then, instead of typing, he did something he probably wouldnโt have done sober.
He called.
Ryuzaki blinked when he saw the notification pop up on his screen.
An MSN call.
Light was calling.
And he didnโt have the heart to ignore it this time.
He put on his headset, took a breath, and picked up.
"...Light?"
Silence.
A heavy breath.
Then, a voice.
Tired. Drawling.
"I fucking hate this feeling."
A shiver.
Ryuzaki knew exactly what Light was talking about.
But he still asked:
"Which one?"
His voice was softer than he meant it to be.
A humorless laugh on the other side.
"That feeling of being halfway here."
Light paused, then continued, lower:
"Of being surrounded by people and still feeling alone."
Ryuzaki didnโt answer immediately.
He wanted to tell him he understood.
That he felt the same way all the time.
But Light kept talking, his voice cracking slightly:
"I feel like Iโm just a fucking illusion."
A sound of movement, then a heavy sigh.
"Like people only see what they want to see in me, and in the end..."
A silence.
"I donโt even know what Iโm supposed to be."
Ryuzaki closed his eyes.
Fuck.
He wished he could be there.
Not just a voice in an ear.
He wanted to see him.
To tell him it was normal, that he felt the same way too.
That he wasnโt alone.
But Light sniffed, like he was trying to pull himself together.
"Sorry. I donโt know why Iโm telling you all this."
Ryuzaki finally spoke.
"Because you know Iโm listening."
A silence.
Then, more gently:
"Because you know I understand."
Light let out a soft laugh.
A bitter laugh, muffled against his sleeve.
"Thatโs the problem."
Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow.
"Why?"
Light took a deep breath, hesitated a second too long.
Then he let it slip:
"Because it makes me want to see you even more."
Ryuzakiโs heart exploded in his chest.
He had no answer to that.
And Light was waiting.
Waiting for something.
A sign.
A word.
A fucking reason not to fall apart tonight.
Ryuzaki took a long breath.
His fingers trembled slightly on the headset wire.
Then, in a whisper, he murmured:
"Do you want me to stay online until you fall asleep?"
A silence.
Then, a voice more fragile than ever.
"Yeah."
Ryuzaki didnโt hang up.
He just listened.
The slow breathing.
The fabric rustling against the pillow.
The small noises from the mic.
He closed his eyes, clutching his phone like an anchor.
And that night, he realized something crucial.
He couldnโt back away anymore.
[03:16 AM]
Light was lying on his bed, in shorts and shirtless, his skin warm under the soft breeze coming through the slightly open window; they had been talking for a while, in low voices, and something in the airโmaybe the silence between their wordsโmade everything feel unbearably intimate.
His voice was deeper, almost sleepy, when he spoke again.
"Have you ever felt... like you werenโt yourself anymore since you met someone?"
A small silence. Then:
"Not in a bad way. Just... different. Like you donโt want to pretend anymore."
Ryuzaki listened.
Lying on his bed too, headset glued to his ears, the laptop screen faintly blinking in the dark.
He didnโt dare answer right away. He didnโt want to break that softness, that impromptu closeness that had woven between them. So he simply said:
"Yeah."
Simple. True.
Light made a sound, a little "mmh," almost imperceptible, like he was smilingโor sighing. Impossible to tell.
Then he spoke again, very low, almost to himself:
"Iโve always felt like I was playing a role. Even with people I like. With you itโs... different."
Ryuzaki felt his throat tighten.
He could have answered with a clever, well-phrased line, like he usually did. But that night, he didnโt want to play smart. He just wanted to be there.
So he whispered:
"Me too."
Silence settled.
But it was a different kind of silence than the ones theyโd known.
Not an empty silence.
A silence that rocked them.
A silence that lived.
And then, softly, Ryuzakiโs voice came back, almost shy:
"Had you ever imagined me before we met in real life? Like... really?"
Light chuckled quietly, tired.
"You mean physically?"
"Yeah."
A small pause. Then:
"Yeah. Of course."
Ryuzaki smiled faintly, imperceptibly in the dark.
"And what did I look like in your head?"
Light hesitated. He shifted slightly on his bed, crumpling the sheets, then answered:
"Like someone I wish Iโd met earlier."
Ryuzaki froze.
One heartbeat.
Two.
He looked away from the screen as if Light could see him blushing through the line.
"Youโre stupid..."
Light just laughed again, but it was softer this time. Less defensive. More real.
They talked for a long time after that.
About the first concert when Ryuzaki had come to see Light but Light hadnโt noticed him.
About the games they used to play as teenagers.
About that strange feeling of being wide awake at three in the morning when everyone else is asleep.
At some point, Light had laid on his side, and his voice grew slower, more dragging.
Ryuzaki could hear him breathing through the mic.
He recognized the sound of a blanket being pulled up, a sigh betraying tiredness.
"You asleep?" he asked in a half-voice.
Light groaned, almost inaudible.
"No. I donโt wanna sleep. Not yet."
Ryuzaki closed his eyes. He understood. He felt exactly the same.
The urge to prolong this moment.
This out-of-time bubble.
They didnโt say much after that.
Just a few words now and then.
A memory. A thought. A quiet laugh.
And when Light finally fell asleep without warning, his breathing steady and almost peaceful, Ryuzaki stayed a little longer.
Just listening.
Like you listen to a song that hurts and heals at the same time.
Then, in a whisper, he murmured:
"Good night, Light."
And he didnโt hang up.
Not yet.
Chapter 20: ๐๐ซ๐ก๐ข๐ฏ ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ข ๐ฏ๐๐ฆ๐ซ, ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ฅ ๐ซ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ฐ๐ ๐๐ญ๐ข
Chapter Text
[07:23 AM]
Light groaned as he opened his eyes, his skull heavy, his body exhausted, weighed down by the hangover and the remains of a night that had gone on too long.
His stomach twisted slightly, a ball of acid burning in his throat.
The rancid smell of sweat, alcohol, and stale smoke floated in the air, mixed with the scent of a "Linen Fresh" spray can he had emptied the night before in desperation.
The world was blurry, flooded with pale light filtering through the half-closed curtains of his bedroom.
He sat up slowly, the sheets tangled around his bare legs, clothes scattered across the floor โ his old Taking Back Sunday t-shirt, his ripped black skinny jeans, a studded leather bracelet.
His phone was lying on his chest, the screen still lit, almost burning against his warm skin.
MSN still open. The little chat window blinking softly, a ghostly persistence in the morning light.
He frowned, his eyelids still heavy.
He scrolled down slowly.
Messages.
A call.
His heart clenched violently.
Fuck.
He could only remember fragments.
The loneliness.
Ryuzakiโs voice in his ear, full of static.
That free-falling feeling, like when you listen to Dashboard Confessional at three in the morning wondering where everything went wrong.
His trembling fingers tapped at the keyboard, the letters blurring under his tired eyes.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐?
A few seconds passed.
Too many.
The humming echo of the wind outside hammered in his ears.
Then the reply popped up:
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Light gritted his teeth.
Fuck.
He ran a hand over his face, rubbed his bloodshot eyes, exhaled slowly, his chipped black nails scraping against his temple.
He had said too much.
Or not enough.
As always.
He wasnโt ready to deal with this.
Not at this hour. Not now.
So, he did what he did best:
Change the subject. Pretend. Hide behind irony and MSN winks.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
A silence.
Then an answer.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
๐ผ๐๐ข๐๐.
Light smirked.
He already knew Ryuzaki would come.
At least, he hoped.
[11:09 PM]
The air was dense inside the tiny venue.
An old backroom turned into an improvised club, with walls tagged with song lyrics โ My Chemical Romance, Senses Fail, AFI.
The cigarette smoke burned the eyes, blending with the sweet scent of spilled drinks and dried sweat.
The heat of bodies pressed against the walls, Doc Martens crushing tired Converse.
The heavy tension in the air.
A mix of impatience, electricity, something alive.
Light was somewhere else.
The music rumbled under his fingers โ a distorted cover of The Taste of Ink by The Used โ but his mind was drifting.
He was looking.
He was waiting.
And somehow, he already knew.
Ryuzaki was there.
He didnโt know where.
He couldnโt see him.
But he could feel him, like a familiar dissonance in the middle of chaos.
So he sang.
Not for the crowd.
Not for the adrenaline.
As if he were singing just for him.
[12:27 AM]
Light stepped out of the club, his oversized black hoodie pulled over his head, the fabric soaked by the light rain.
His skinny jeans clung to his legs, heavy with moisture.
The electric chill of the night struck him, making him shiver.
The concert was over.
But the real waiting had only just begun.
He bit the inside of his cheek, took a few clumsy steps into the empty alleyway, his scuffed boots slipping slightly on the wet cobblestones.
He lit a cigarette with a chipped red Kerrang! lighter, the same one Ren had given him laughing what felt like a lifetime ago.
Like the other night.
It was his ritual.
A cigarette after the final chord.
A moment suspended between the stage and the void.
And then...
He saw him.
Ryuzaki.
His heart skipped a beat.
A painful, tender smile tugged at his lips.
Ryuzaki had come.
Leaning against a brick wall tagged with a dripping black heart.
Hands shoved into the pockets of his soaked Thrice hoodie.
Dark hair plastered to his forehead.
Light felt like he was living the same scene again.
But sharper.
More real.
Like a Saosin video clip sped up.
He felt his heart implode, violent, uncontrollable.
He froze.
Ryuzaki slowly raised his eyes toward him.
That fucking look.
Heavy.
Intense.
Inevitable.
Like the first riffs of Helena in his headphones when he was a teenager, the first time he had wanted to cry without knowing why.
Light had imagined this moment a thousand times in his head.
Plenty of different versions.
Reunions where he yelled at him.
Others where he laughed, bitter.
Others still where he played it cool, cigarette dangling from his lips.
But none of them were like this.
Silence.
Rain.
The worldโs breathing suspended.
Ryuzaki took a step toward him.
Light didnโt move.
Another step.
Too close.
Not close enough.
And then...
He kissed him.
Without warning.
Without a word.
Without hesitation.
Just the impact.
Just the sound of rain around them, the crackling melody of a world fading away.
Just that fucking kiss that shattered everything they had never dared to touch.
Light didnโt think anymore.
He pulled him closer, rough, trembling, his fingers clutching at the soaked fabric of Ryuzakiโs hoodie.
Because that was it, the truth he had been waiting for all these months.
Not words.
Not promises.
Not heavy silences full of what-ifs.
Just this.
Real.
Finally.
Chapter 21: โ๐ข๐ฐ๐ฑ ๐ฒ๐ซ๐ก๐ข๐ฏ ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ข ๐ฏ๐๐ฆ๐ซ
Chapter Text
The rain kept falling.
Fine and silent.
Soaking their clothes, plastering strands of hair to their foreheads, tracing cold rivers down their burning skin.
The asphalt reflected a broken, shimmering image, shattered by the endless drops, and the air smelled like earth, electricity, and something undefinable. Something like a moment too fragile to be real.
But Light didnโt feel anything anymore.
Just the echo of the kiss still imprinted on his lips. Just the ghost of a contact he hadnโt planned for.
His eyes were wide open, staring somewhere between Ryuzaki and the void, his lungs forgetting how to fill properly.
Ryuzaki didnโt move either.
Still too close.
Breathing uneven. Eyes darting. But unable to truly leave.
The sound of the rain on the nearby rooftops turned into a kind of white noise, a background roar behind which their thoughts screamed without either of them winning.
They should have talked. They should have reacted.
But they didnโt.
They stayed.
Frozen.
Caught between the urge to flee and the desperate need to do it again.
Light licked his lips, still tasting the moment.
He should have said something. Made a joke. Defused this electric tension buzzing madly between them.
But this wasnโt a game.
Not this time.
He swallowed, slowly lifting his eyes to Ryuzaki, whose hood had fallen back from the shock.
His hair, soaked through, clung to his forehead. Rain slid down the line of his jaw, dripping from his chin in small, icy bursts.
That look. That fucking look.
A mixture of panic and surrender, of fight and confession.
Light knew he shouldnโt ask. Shouldnโt break what had just happened.
But he couldnโt help but whisper, his voice rough, almost hesitant:
"Why did you do that?"
There was no accusation in his question. It was bare. Raw. Honest.
Ryuzaki flinched slightly, as if the question was too muchโor maybe just too true.
His eyes searched for something to anchor onto in the darkness of the alley. Like he was hoping for an emergency exit to appear.
Then, after a long silence, he breathed out, his voice trembling:
"I don't know."
And it wasnโt an excuse. It was a raw, painful truth. He didnโt know. He had just... given in.
Light slowly nodded. Because he felt exactly the same.
He didnโt know.
He only knew that it happened. And that it was fucking real.
The silence between them swelled with all that unknowing. With that void they were clumsily and urgently filling.
Ryuzaki took a step back.
Lightโs stomach twisted.
He didnโt want him to leave.
Not now. Not after this.
He should have said something. Stopped him.
But instead, he grabbed his wrist.
Not tightly.
Just enough to hold him for a second. Just enough for Ryuzaki to understand.
Ryuzaki didnโt pull away.
He simply looked at Light, breathless.
A heavy silence stretched between them.
Full of unsaid words. Full of uncertainty. Full of a desire they didnโt yet understand.
And behind it all, the sound of the rain, relentless. Like a tragic soundtrack to a moment too beautiful to last.
Then Light breathed out, his voice softer this time:
"Are you going to disappear again?"
His voice cracked a little at the end.
Ryuzaki swallowed hard.
He shook his head. Slowly.
And that simple gesture...
Light felt a crushing weight lift from his chest.
His fingers slowly released Ryuzakiโs wrist.
And this time, they simply stayed there.
Under the rain.
Without speaking.
Without moving.
Without knowing what came next.
But together.
When suddenly:
"Come home with me."
Chapter 22: โญ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฏ๐ซ๐ข๐ก ๐๐ซ๐ก ๐ฐ๐ฉ๐ข๐ข๐ญ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฐ๐ฐ ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ค๐ฅ๐ฑ
Chapter Text
Light opened the door to his apartment and motioned for Ryuzaki to come in.
The room was chaotic, but in a way that was familiar to him: clothes scattered everywhere, an overflowing ashtray on the coffee table, carefully stacked burned CDs next to an old MP3 player.
Ryuzaki scanned the room, his eyes drifting from the mess to Light's anxious expression, who could only offer him a slightly awkward smile.
"You know you're the first person to come in here, right?" Light said, trying to break the tension with something casual.
Ryuzaki didn't answer immediately. He ran a hand through his wet hair, looking focused. Then he slipped a hand into his coat pocket and pulled out a CD.
Light was already raising an eyebrow. He hadn't expected that.
Ryuzaki held out the disc, looking a little shy, but with a serious glint in his eyes.
"I... I made it for you," he said simply. Then, more softly, "For the nights when you can't sleep."
Light stared at him, a shiver running down his spine. The disc was blank, but written in black marker, it said:
"Fแดส แดสแด ษดษชษขสแดs สแดแด แดแดษดโแด sสแดแดแด."
A silence stretched between them, light but heavy with meaning.
Light blinked, almost in shock. He hadn't seen this coming. A CD. For him.
He turned the case over. A tracklist was scribbled on the back. He glanced at the first few:
๐ท. Rแดแด ษชแดสแดแดแด - Mแดแดษชแดษด Pษชแดแดแดสแด Sแดแดษดแด แดสแดแดแด ยณโฒยฒโฐโณ
๐ธ. Cแดสแด แดสแดส - Sแดแดสแดs ยณโฒโดโทโณ
๐น. Pสแดแดแดสแด - Sสแดแดแดษชษดษข Wษชแดส Gสแดsแดs โดโฒยณโธโณ
๐บ. Mแดsแด - Uษดษชษดแดแดษดแด แดแด ยณโฒโตโทโณ
๐ป. Tสแด Sแดแดsสษชษดษข Pแดแดแดแดษชษดs - Fแดส Mแดสแดสแด โธโฒยนโถโณ
๐ผ. Bสแดส - Nแด Dษชsแดแดษดแดแด Lแดาแด แดแด Rแดษด ยณโฒยฒโธโณ
[...]
He froze for a second, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. His fingers hovered in the air, unsure how to react. He had no words.
He glanced at Ryuzaki, who wasn't looking at him anymore, as if the object he was handing him had to say everything instead.
The room was too silent. Light took the disc without a word, wondering if any of this was even real. He opened the case, the brand-new CD in his hands, staring at it like it was the most precious thing in the world.
He lifted his gaze back to Ryuzaki, and this time, he felt a wave of warmth spread through his stomach. Butterflies, like a huge weight settling on his shoulders.
He didnโt know what to say.
"Why...?" he finally stammered, his voice weaker than he'd like. He wasn't even sure it was the right question. Why a CD? Why him?
Ryuzaki shrugged slightly, looking almost embarrassed, but there was a glint of truth in his eyes.
"Because I know you donโt know what to listen to when you canโt sleep." He glanced at the object Light was holding, a slight smirk tugging at his lips. "Itโs rock. Like you."
Another heavy silence settled.
Lightโs heart was beating too fast. The way he looked at Ryuzaki was almost desperate. He wanted to grab him, kiss him again, but he held back. He couldnโt blow everything up like that. Not yet. Not with this damn CD in his hands.
He took a deep breath, his fingers brushing over the disc again, like he was trying to absorb everything it meant.
Ryuzaki stayed silent. Waiting, probably just as lost.
"Thank you. It really means a lot. I don't know what to say..."
"It's nothing."
Light smiled.
He finally set the CD down on the tableโaway from his eyes, but not away from his heart.
The silence in the room wasnโt uncomfortable this time, but it was still heavy. Heavy with everything unsaid. Ryuzaki was just there, next to him, both close and far away.
Finally, Light turned towards him, biting his lower lip, eyes darting away.
"I donโt know what you expect from me."
Ryuzaki shook his head, his own gaze sliding away too.
"I don't expect anything." He sighed, like a confession. "Just... that you listen to it when you need it."
Light nodded, his throat tight. Listening to it? It felt like this simple act could mean so much more between them. He was painfully aware of every movement, every word, every breath.
He lowered his eyes, staring at the CD one last time before deciding to set his fears aside.
Then, without another word, he walked over to the MP3 player, inserted the disc, and pressed "play."ย ย ย ย
Motion Picture Soundtrack
Radiohead
[โฌโฌโฌโฌโฌโโฌโฌโฌโฌโฌโฌโฌโฌ] 1:17 / 3:20
โฎ๏ธย ย ย ย ย ย โฏ๏ธย ย ย ย ย ย โญ๏ธ
Chapter 23: ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ช๐ฒ๐ ๐ฅ ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ข ๐ฆ๐ซ ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ข ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ข๐ซ๐ ๐ข
Chapter Text
The sound of the CD rose gently in the room.
The opening notes of Radiohead's "Motion Picture Soundtrack" crackled through the speakers. A melancholic and luminous melody, floating in the space between them. It seemed to come from another world. Like an echo of the feelings theyโd never managed to put into words.
The CD player turned slowly, its worn orange indicator light blinking. The kind of player you carried everywhere in the late 90s, scratched from backpack rides, with grunge band stickers or hearts drawn in black marker.
Light leaned back against the wall, arms crossed, staring at the device like it held all the answers in the world. His breath fogged lightly in the warm room air, as if even his thoughts were suspended.
Ryuzaki sat at the edge of the bed, hands clasped between his knees. He didnโt say anything. He listened.
They both listened.
But the real problem was, all they could hear was the silence between them.
Light bit the inside of his cheek. The weight of the CD still sat heavy in his chest.
Why had Ryuzaki done this?
Why did this simple gesture make him want to scream everything he feltโand kiss him until his lips broke, all at once?
He took a deep breath. Then he spoke, his voice slightly hoarse:
"What are you trying to tell me with this?"
Ryuzaki looked up, surprised.
Light stepped closer. Not aggressive, but not relaxed either. He needed to understand.
He held up the CD in his hand, like evidence. Like a confession Ryuzaki hadnโt said out loud yet.
"What is this, Ryuzaki? A gesture so I can sleep better? A gift to quiet my fucking brain? Or is it more than that?"
Ryuzaki opened his mouth. Then closed it again.
He lowered his eyes, nervously playing with a chain around his wrist. A rusty old trinket, probably found in an emo shop in Camden or traded for a Kerrang! badge at a festival last summer. A memory, like everything else.
Light felt his stomach twist.
He didnโt want to push. Didnโt want to ruin everything.
But he couldnโt keep pretending it meant nothing.
"If you regret the kiss, just say so." His voice was harsher than he intended.
Ryuzakiโs head shot up. His gaze was dark. Almost wounded.
"I donโt regret anything."
Silence.
Light stopped breathing.
Ryuzaki inhaled slowly, like he was weighing every word. Then, softer:
"I just donโt know how to handle all this."
All this.
Light let out a nervous laugh. He looked away toward the cracked window, where the rain gently tapped the glass, drops tracing erratic paths.
"Welcome to my fucking life."
Ryuzaki lowered his head slightly.
Then, quietly:
"Iโm scared, Light."
It was raw.
Honest.
Almost naive.
Light leaned against the desk, running a hand through his hair. He stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, as if searching for answers in the shadows of the lamp.
He already knew.
But hearing it from Ryuzaki changed everything.
"Scared of what?" he asked, more gently now.
Ryuzaki chewed his lip, stared at the floor, then looked up.
"Scared that itโs real."
A violent shiver ran down Lightโs spine.
They were here.
Right on the line.
The moment where they could either step back or jump into the unknown.
Radiohead kept playing. Ghostly notes, synthetic organs, Thom Yorkeโs distant voice repeating, "I will see you in the next life." It couldโve been ironic. But tonight, it wasnโt.
Light stepped closer. Not too fast. Not too suddenly.
But enough.
He stopped a few centimeters from Ryuzaki, close enough to feel the heat of his body through his soaked clothes.
Ryuzaki looked up.
His breathing was shallow.
Light searched for words.
He didnโt know how to say that it scared him too.
That it was driving him insane.
That it made him want to run and crash into Ryuzaki all at once.
So he did what he knew best.
He spoke in music.
He tapped the CD with his finger, still holding it in his hand.
"Then listen to this." His voice was deep, almost a whisper. "And tell me, Ryuzakiโฆ Are you scared of what you feel when you hear it?"
Ryuzaki didnโt answer right away.
His eyes were a goddamn mess.
Then slowly, he breathed:
"No."
Lightโs heart skipped a beat.
Ryuzaki looked down, inhaled slowly. Then murmured:
"Iโm just scared with you."
Light didnโt know if that hurtโor if it was the most beautiful thing heโd ever heard.
But he didnโt move.
He waited.
Because he knew Ryuzaki still had a choice to make.
And he was ready to wait.
Chapter 24: ๐๐ฏ๐ข๐ข ๐ฃ๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ค
Chapter Text
The silence between them was too dense, too heavy. A silence laden with everything they had never said, all that they had kept buried, amidst the beats of their hearts that echoed like muffled drums in the frozen room.
Light could hear his own heart pounding in his chest, feel it in his throat, in his fingers, all the way to his temples. He stared at Ryuzaki, unmoving, breath suspended, lips slightly parted as if he had forgotten how to breathe properly.
He didn't move.
He waited.
Because it was up to Ryuzaki to decide. Because if he made the slightest move, if he reduced the distance between them by even a centimetre, he knew he risked making him flee. He knew his wounded-animal reflexes too well.
And Light didn't want him to leave.
Not after all this.
Ryuzaki, for his part, remained frozen. Motionless, but inside, his whole body seemed on the verge of giving in. He was breathing too fast. His eyes searched for an escapeโ the ajar window, the closed door behind him, the floor, the ceilingโฆ but there were none left. He knew it. There was no more escape possible.
Then, suddenly, he let out a trembling breath. Like a dam breaking.
And he cracked.
It was brutal.
It was messy.
It wasn't at all like in a damn movie.
Ryuzaki grabbed him by the collar, as if he had finally abandoned fear, as if he just needed to feel him against him, and he kissed him without thinking, without stopping to breathe or consider the consequences.
Light didn't even have time to understand what was happening before the shock exploded in his chest.
Ryuzaki's lips were cold, trembling, as if he still hesitated to let go, but the pressure was strong, almost desperate. There was an urgency in that kiss, a silent panic, a contained rage.
And Light, fuck, Light lost his footing.
His hands instinctively found Ryuzaki's waist, pulling him against him as if this moment would disappear if he didn't hold on tight enough. As if reality could slip away once again.
Ryuzaki didn't stop.
It was too many months of holding back. Too many nights spent pacing. Too many keyboards worn out by incomplete conversations, MSN keys tired from phrases they had never dared to send.
Too many unspoken words finally imploding.
Light responded with equal intensity, his hand moving up to Ryuzaki's neck, the taste of longing and urgency on their lips. His other hand briefly slid through the dark, damp, tousled strands.
They had waited too long.
And now it was here.
Real.
They barely separated, too close, too breathless, their breaths entwined, foreheads pressed together, as if they were afraid the other would disappear by moving a centimetre away.
Ryuzaki still had his eyes closed, his forehead against Light's. His breathing trembled, irregular.
Light, for his part, was holding his breath.
He couldn't speak.
He couldn't think.
All he knew was that Ryuzaki was there.
That Ryuzaki had just broken his damn barrier.
And that now, he couldn't go back.
Ryuzaki finally opened his eyes, his breath still erratic. His gaze was a storm, a raging sea behind eyelids closed for too long.
He looked at him as if it terrified him as much as it attracted him.
Then, in a low, almost hoarse voice:
"I'm screwed."
Light chuckled softly, his fingers still gripping his waist, like an anchor.
"Me too."
[01:53 AM]
They were still there, in the dimness of the bedroom this time, the CD still playing in the background on the old player. The cover lay beside it, the red lights of the player flickering slightly with each bass vibration.
But nothing else mattered anymore.
Nothing except them.
Light gently caressed the edge of Ryuzaki's hoodie, brushing the damp fabric that still clung slightly to his skin. His gaze locked into his.
And this time, he asked, more seriously:
"You're not going to disappear, are you?"
The thought terrified him now.
Ryuzaki didn't answer immediately. He lowered his eyes for a moment, then looked back at him with disarming sincerity.
Then, after a moment:
"Not this time."
Light slowly nodded.
His smile was tiny.
But damn, it was sincere.
Chapter 25: ๐ ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ค๐ฅ๐ฑ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ข๐ซ๐ก
Notes:
Before we begin, I just wanted to show you something: I had fun creating Light's page on Skyblog, MySpace, or whateverโjust wanted to share it with you! xD
If you can, open it on a computerโit's not really made for phones (or switch to desktop view on your phone, but it still looks better on a PC).
Anyway, here are todayโs two chaptersโenjoy reading!
Chapter Text
[02:11 AM]
The CD was still spinning in the player, softly crackling. A track by Explosions in the Sky unfolded slowly, as if it had been composed for this exact night. The stereo's indicator light blinked faintly in the dim room, casting red and green halos onto walls covered with posters torn from magazines like Kerrang! and Rock Sound.
The familiar smell of cheap detergent and damp wood filled the air. Outside, rain tapped gently against the windows, fine but relentless, creating a soundscape as soothing as it was haunting.
Light lay on his back, a half-smoked cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand. He wore an oversized Nirvana t-shirt, one of his usual sleep shirts. Just before, he had lent Ryuzaki some of his pajamas: dark gray cotton pants and a slightly faded The Used t-shirt, far too big for him. He was practically drowning in it, like in a shell that didnโt fit.
Ryuzaki, meanwhile, was curled up against him, his head resting on Lightโs chest, silent. They had showered separately, each taking their time, as if trying to rinse the tension from the evening. The warmth of the water hadnโt erased their thoughts, but at least it had soothed their nerves.
It was strange.
Not uncomfortable.
But strange.
Because Ryuzaki was there. Really there. Because his breath brushed his skin through the fabric, because his weight against him was a fucking reminder that this moment wasnโt just a dream, or a leftover MSN conversation replaying in his mind.
Light didnโt know what to say.
So he said nothing.
He just raised a hand and gently brushed Ryuzakiโs dark hair with his fingers, slowly, without thinking. His hair was still a little damp.
Ryuzaki didnโt move. He didnโt protest.
On the contrary.
He held onto him a little tighter.
"Have you always been like this?" Light murmured after a while.
Ryuzaki shifted slightly, as if snapping out of a trance.
"Like what?"
Light took a deep breath.
"Closed off. Distant. Disappearing before anyone can get too close."
He felt Ryuzaki tense for a moment.
Then, slowly, an exhale. Long. Heavy.
"Yeah."
Light didnโt ask another question. He didnโt need to.
Ryuzaki spoke on his own, his voice low against his chest, as if he were speaking more to himself than to Light.
"When I was a kid, I figured out that people always end up leaving."
Silence.
The music echoed in the background, ghostlike.
Light stopped brushing his hair for a second.
Ryuzaki continued, calm, but with a fragility he had never shown before.
"So I stopped giving them a reason to stay."
Light felt his stomach twist.
He imagined Ryuzaki as a child. Already withdrawn. Too aware. Too far ahead of the others, yet unable to truly connect. The kind of kid who watches others play without ever joining in. Who prefers staying in his room, hacking software or listening to Placebo in the dark.
He held Ryuzaki a little tighter without thinking.
"You're an idiot," he murmured.
Ryuzaki gave the faintest hint of a smile. "I know."
Light resumed stroking his hair, gently, as if to help him stay anchored in the present.
Then, after a long moment:
"I hope this time, you stay."
Ryuzaki froze for just a second.
Then he whispered, barely audible:
"Me too."
Light looked at him seriously. He felt his own heart pounding against his ribs, a rhythm too fast for the quiet night.
"Because fuck, Iโm going to give you a reason to stay."
Ryuzakiโs heart skipped a beat.
He wasnโt used to that.
To words like that.
To an unspoken promise.
He clutched Lightโs shirt a little tighter, fingers twisted in the cotton, like he was afraid Light might disappear.
And Light didnโt move.
He just kept his hand in his hair.
Touching him.
Feeling him.
Letting him breathe.
Understanding that it was real now.
That there was no more escape.
And that despite everything they were โ two broken kids, lost in an era moving too fast, between forums, burned CDs, and fake MSN statuses โ they had found a place where they could rest.
Even if it was just for a night.
Even if it was just in each otherโs arms.
[03:17 AM]
Light slowly ran his fingers through Ryuzakiโs hair, now an almost unconscious gesture.
Ryuzaki was still lying against him, head on his chest, breathing in sync.
The CD kept playing softly, filling the silence with tracks chosen for restless nights.
Nights like this one.
Ryuzaki absentmindedly brushed the fabric of Lightโs t-shirt with his fingers, as if he needed a tangible reminder that this was still real.
Then, softly:
"What was your first phone?"
Light raised an eyebrow, surprised by the question.
Then he smirked.
"A fucking Nokia 3310. A brick. That thing could survive a nuclear war."
Ryuzaki let out a soft laugh, muffled against his chest.
"Snake."
Light nodded. "Of course. I was a legend at that game."
Ryuzaki lifted his head slightly, giving him an amused look.
"Thatโs a lie."
Light shrugged. "You canโt prove otherwise."
"Iโve never lost a game of Snake in my life," Ryuzaki said, way too seriously.
Light chuckled, and without thinking, leaned in and kissed him.
It was natural now.
Like it was what they were always supposed to do.
Ryuzakiโs lips were warm this time, more certain, less hesitant.
Light cupped his cheek, stroking it gently, prolonging the kiss just enough for his heart to skip a beat.
When they pulled apart, Ryuzaki didnโt move away.
He stayed close, breath still mingling with his.
Then, softly:
"Wanna play a game someday?"
Light smiled. "At your own risk."
[03:48 AM]
The night was long, but fuck, it was good. Soft. The room was dark and quiet. Comforting.
They had been talking for a while. There was no way they could just fall asleep like nothing had happened.
Light pulled the blanket up a little over them. The night was cool.
He stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, his arm still wrapped around Ryuzaki, who seemed unusually calm.
Then, a question crossed his mind.
"Do you think MySpace will disappear someday?"
Ryuzaki furrowed his brow slightly. "MySpace?"
Light shrugged. "Everythingโs going too fast. MSN. Skyblog. Limewire. One morning weโll wake up and itโll all be gone."
Ryuzaki nodded slowly.
Then, after a pause:
"Youโll survive."
Light smiled faintly. "You say that like itโs obvious."
Ryuzaki lifted his head a bit and looked at him.
"Because it is."
Silence.
Light felt his stomach twist.
He looked away slightly, holding Ryuzaki a bit tighter.
"Stop breaking me like that."
He wasnโt used to this kind of honesty.
[04:36 AM]
Ryuzaki absentmindedly traced invisible circles on Lightโs chest through the fabric of his shirt.
Light closed his eyes for a moment.
That touch warmed his heart.
Then, without thinking too much:
"Itโs weird."
Ryuzaki moved slightly. "What is?"
Light opened his eyes and looked at him.
"Youโre here."
Silence.
Ryuzaki didnโt look away this time.
"Would you rather I wasnโt?" he asked softly, teasing.
Light took a deep breath.
Then, more quietly:
"Fuck no. Never."
Ryuzaki ran a hand across his cheek, gently.
Then, in a whisper barely audible:
"Me neither."
[05:02 AM]
The CD stopped.
The room was plunged into absolute silence.
Light stared at the ceiling, heart too heavy, mind too full.
He turned his head slightly and met Ryuzakiโs gaze.
Still there.
Still too close.
He slid a hand behind his neck, pulled him gently.
And kissed him again.
Slower.
Deeper.
Ryuzaki didnโt resist.
And Light knew, in that exact moment, that he was done for.
He thought this must be what it was like to have their night, like Monica Geller says in Friends.
That night when two lovers or close people who care deeply talk for hours to get to know each other, with nothing sexual. Just an emotionally intimate night.
[06:19 AM]
The silence had grown heavier. But it didnโt weigh them down.
It wrapped the room like an invisible blanket, warm and safe.
Light didnโt speak anymore.
Neither did Ryuzaki.
Fatigue was settling in.
Their bodies nestled together, Ryuzakiโs head still resting on Lightโs chest, his breathing steady and deep.
Light drew slow circles in his hair, his other hand resting in the curve of his back.
He wasnโt really thinking anymore.
Or rather, he was thinking about everything all at once.
This moment. This night. What it all meant.
He didnโt know how to handle it.
But he knew he didnโt want to be anywhere else.
And that was enough.
Ryuzaki shifted slightly, like a cat searching for a better position.
Light closed his eyes and felt his breath against his neck.
Then, a nearly asleep voice, a whisper in the dark:
"If I fall asleep, will you stay?"
Light tightened his hold around him, like a silent promise.
"Always."
Light felt sleep pulling him under.
His hand, still in Ryuzakiโs hair, slowed to a stop.
Their breaths synced.
And for the first time in months, Light fell asleep without a fight.
Chapter 26: ๐ ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ค ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ฌ๐ฃ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ช๐ข
Chapter Text
[10:53 AM]
The light filtered gently through the thick curtains, casting soft shadows on the ceiling.
Light slowly opened his eyes, a little disoriented.
It took him a few seconds to remember.
Last night. The rain. The waiting. Ryuzaki.
And now...
Ryuzaki still against him.
Still here.
He looked down and felt a wave of warmth rise in his chest.
Ryuzaki was still asleep.
His breathing was slow, rhythmic. His face was almost peaceful, partly hidden in the crook of Light's t-shirt.
Light didnโt dare move.
He had never shared a bed like this before.
Not with this weight in his chest.
Not with this strange fear and this relief all at once.
He slowly brought a hand up and gently brushed through Ryuzaki's dark hair, like he had the night before.
He felt Ryuzaki stir slightly, give a small groan, then nestle closer to him.
Light smiled.
Ryuzaki finally started to wake up, his eyes still heavy, his features relaxed.
Light felt him waking even before he really moved.
No words were exchanged at first.
Just a silent look. A glance. A shiver.
Then Ryuzaki inhaled slowly and murmured, his voice still rough from sleep:
"We slept."
Light gave a small smile.
"Yeah."
Ryuzaki frowned slightly, as if it was some sort of achievement.
Then he moved a bit, the sheet sliding slightly off his bare shoulder.
Light hadnโt expected to feel what he felt just from seeing him move like that.
He clenched his jaw slightly, trying to calm the chaos in his stomach.
Then he murmured, a bit lower:
"Did you sleep well?"
Ryuzaki nodded softly.
Then, without looking at him directly:
"I think itโs the first time in a while."
Light felt his heart skip a beat.
He didnโt answer.
He just brushed his fingers along the nape of Ryuzakiโs neck.
The kitchen was organized chaos.
Light dragged himself over to the coffee machine, still in his t-shirt and pajama pants, rummaging through the cupboards for something to survive the morning.
Ryuzaki appeared a few minutes later, still a little sleepy, the sleeves of Light's loaned hoodie too long, his hair messy.
He leaned against the counter and stared at Light silently.
Light raised an eyebrow. "What?"
Ryuzaki shrugged slightly.
"I don't know. It's still weird."
Light handed him a mug of black coffee.
"What? Being awake?"
Ryuzaki took the mug in his hands but didnโt drink right away.
"Being here. With you."
Light looked at him for a moment, then exhaled with a faint smirk:
"Want to go back on MSN and pretend we're still long-distance?"
Ryuzaki chuckled softly.
"No."
[2:17 PM]
After hours of doing nothing, they finally flopped in front of the TV, a PlayStation 2 messily hooked up to the screen.
Light opened a drawer and pulled out a game case marked with black marker scribbles.
Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow. "Silent Hill 2?"
Light nodded.
"Scared?"
Ryuzaki stared at him, expressionless. "I played that at night, alone, with headphones."
Light smiled, amused.
"And you didnโt freak out?"
Ryuzaki started the game and settled against the back of the couch.
"I did. But I like being scared."
Light looked at him, a lopsided smile on his face.
"I figured."
Ryuzaki ignored the jab and focused on the screen.
Light stared at him for a second.
He was really here.
Not in a screen.
Not in a fucking MSN chat.
Here. With him.
And it hit him hard.
[3:12 PM]
The rain had started falling again outside.
The room was too quiet, apart from the gameโs soundtrack hovering in the air.
Ryuzaki was focused, brows slightly furrowed, body relaxed against the couch.
Light sank deeper into the cushions, eyes still on him.
He didnโt want this to end.
Not yet.
Not now.
He took a sip of cold coffee and murmured, without looking at him:
"You good here?"
Ryuzaki didnโt look away from the screen.
But he nodded.
"Yeah."
Light smiled.
And for the first time in years, he thought maybe he could just... feel good.
Just like this.
With Ryuzaki.
Here.
Now.
And it was only going to get better in the days to come.
Chapter 27: ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ก๐ข ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ข ๐ด๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฉ๐ก, ๐ฑ๐ฌ๐ค๐ข๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฏ
Chapter Text
[5:56 PM]
The rain had finally stopped, leaving behind a soaked city, where the evening light reflected off the wet asphalt. Puddles scattered across the sidewalk, and each step splashed a bit of that drenched world, gleaming under the already lit streetlights.
Light and Ryuzaki walked side by side, their steps echoing softly against the pavement.
It felt strange.
To be outside together.
To no longer be just a voice on the phone, just a username on MSN, just a blinking chat window in the middle of the night.
They didn't talk much.
But the silence wasnโt uncomfortable.
Ryuzaki had his hands in his pockets, hoodie pulled over his head, eyes lost in the cityโs reflections. Light was spinning an unlit cigarette between his fingers, eyes ahead, thoughts elsewhere.
Everything felt different now.
Like the world was a little more real than usual.
Like they were finally part of it, instead of just watching from a window.
[6:12 PM]
They ended up stopping in front of a dusty little shop, one of those forgotten stores wedged between a cybercafรฉ and an abandoned bar. The window was plastered with ripped concert posters and randomly placed stickers.
Light pushed the door first, a squeaky bell announcing their entrance.
Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow as he looked around. CDs stacked everywhere. Vinyls lined up in wooden crates. A smell of damp cardboard and aged leather floated in the air.
The place smelled like dust and 90s rock.
An old speaker was crackling out an AFI track. A CRT screen silently played a trailer for a vintage David Fincher film.
Light walked straight to one aisle, flipping through covers with practiced fingers, like he knew them all. Ryuzaki watched him for a moment, then murmured:
"You still collect CDs?"
Light gave a half-smile.
"MP3 playlists are cool. But thereโs something about discs I like."
Ryuzaki waited, curious. "Like what?"
"Theyโre real. You hold something in your hands. Something that wonโt disappear with a click."
Ryuzaki nodded slowly, running his fingers over an old Smashing Pumpkins vinyl. Then he said, half amused:
"You're nostalgic for something that's not even dead yet."
Light raised an eyebrow.
"And you, how do you listen to music?"
Ryuzaki shrugged.
"I download."
"LimeWire, huh?"
Ryuzaki smiled, casual.
"Itโs not stealing. Itโs sharing."
"Sure."
They exchanged a knowing look. It was dumb, but it was so them.
[6:53 PM]
They later dropped by a small gaming lounge where a few consoles were still hooked up to old CRT screens. Ryuzaki found an old Mario Kart and challenged Light to a race.
They played two, three rounds.
Light lost.
Twice.
"Cheater."
"Sore loser."
They laughed.
A real laugh. Free.
Like nothing mattered, just for a few minutes.
[7:05 PM]
They walked out of yet another shop, this one with a Placebo CD Light insisted on buying. Eventually, they sat on the terrace of a small cafรฉ, a discreet place where no one would notice them.
Ryuzaki sipped black coffee slowly, his gaze lost in the still-gray sky. Light finally lit his cigarette, inhaling deeply.
Then, after a moment:
"We look like a couple."
Ryuzaki stared at him expressionlessly for three seconds.
Then raised an eyebrow.
"Youโre realizing that now?"
Light almost choked on his smoke.
Ryuzaki smiled.
Fuck.
He was really screwed.
But just the thought of it made him feel wild.
[8:17 PM]
Night was slowly falling, bathing the city in a soft orange glow. They stopped in front of another record store, closed now, staring at their reflection in the glass. Light touched the window with his finger, Ryuzaki watching from the corner of his eye.
They looked good together.
Without even knowing it.
Light and Ryuzaki still walked side by side, their shoulders brushing now and then, neither of them stepping away.
At some point, Light slowed down slightly.
He didnโt want it to end.
Didnโt want to go home alone.
He looked at Ryuzaki, hesitated to speak.
But Ryuzaki spoke first.
"Iโm coming to your place."
Simple. Obvious.
Light didnโt ask questions.
He just nodded.
And kept walking.
A barely-there smile curling at the edge of his lips.
Chapter 28: ๐ ๐ข๐ฑ๐ด๐ข๐ข๐ซ ๐ค๐๐ช๐ข ๐๐ซ๐ก ๐ฑ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ฅ
Chapter Text
[9:34 PM]
Light tossed his keys onto the table as he entered the apartment, pulling off his slightly damp jacket.
Ryuzaki followed, more relaxed than before, his fingers absently brushing the spines of the CDs stacked by the entryway.
They were alone.
Another night.
Light slid the Placebo CD they bought into the player, letting the music fill the space.
Then, he turned to Ryuzaki.
"Silent Hill 2, or do you want to prove you're a Snake master on my old Nokia?"
Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow.
"Both. But Iโll start by humiliating you on Resident Evil 4."
Light laughed and collapsed onto the couch.
"Go ahead. Show me."
[10:51 PM]
The game had been running for over an hour.
Ryuzaki played like a machine โ fast, precise, completely absorbed.
Light had stopped really following along.
He watched Ryuzaki move, fingers flying across the controller, his expression focused.
And he realized he wanted to touch him.
Not a fleeting urge. Not just impulse.
He needed it.
So, without thinking, he slipped his arm behind Ryuzaki along the back of the couch, brushing against him lightly.
Ryuzaki didn't react right away.
But after a few minutes, he leaned slightly closer.
No words.
No glances.
Just that quiet slide toward something neither had defined yet.
[11:46 PM]
The game was paused, forgotten.
They were still side by side. Close. Way too close.
Light lit a cigarette and offered the pack to Ryuzaki, who politely declined.
Their shoulders were touching now.
Light took a drag, then asked:
"Why me?"
Ryuzaki turned slightly, his eyes in shadow.
"Can you be more specific?"
Light shook his head. "Why are you here? Why did you stay?"
A silence.
Ryuzaki took a long breath, exhaled the tension, and then murmured:
"Because you're the first person who doesn't make me want to disappear."
Light felt his throat tighten.
Ryuzaki continued, quieter:
"With you, it's not... suffocating. I don't feel like I'm playing a role."
He hesitated.
Then, barely above a whisper:
"And I like that."
Light placed his cigarette in the ashtray, watching the smoke curl upward.
Then, before he could overthink it, he moved.
He ran a hand through Ryuzaki's hair, pushing the strands aside to gently touch the back of his neck.
Ryuzaki didnโt move away.
But he shivered.
Light felt something electric shoot through his spine.
He knew this night was going to be different.
[01:12 AM]
They had gone to bed without saying a word.
Not like two friends.
Not like two strangers testing boundaries.
But like two people who knew exactly what they were doing.
Light lay on his back, Ryuzaki curled against him, just like the night before.
Except this time, it was different.
Light slowly slid his fingers beneath Ryuzaki's hoodie, tracing the warm skin of his back.
Ryuzaki said nothing.
But he pressed in closer.
Light felt his heart pound against his ribs.
He didnโt know how to go further.
So he waited for Ryuzaki to move first.
And eventually, Ryuzaki lifted his head slightly, gaze shadowed.
Then, without a word, he kissed him.
It was slow, controlled, not like before.
It was a progression.
A step forward they both accepted.
Light's hands gripped Ryuzaki's hips gently, drawing him in closer.
Ryuzaki slipped a hand under his shirt, fingertips hot against his skin.
Light shivered, but didnโt stop him.
This was it.
This was now.
They werenโt rushing.
Just... moving.
Ryuzaki against him, skin under his fingers, breath erratic at his throat.
Light traced the small of his back, kissed him again, slower this time.
Ryuzaki didnโt pull away.
But he whispered, barely audible:
"Iโm scared."
Light closed his eyes, ran a hand over his neck.
Then exhaled against his lips:
"Me too."
[02:07 AM]
They stopped there.
Not frustrated. Not rushed.
Just... okay.
Light pulled the blanket over them, keeping Ryuzaki close.
They didnโt need more tonight.
Because they knew what would come next.
Without pressure. Without fear.
Just them.
Chapter 29: ๐๐ฐ ๐ฆ๐ฃ ๐ฆ๐ฑ ๐ด๐๐ฐ ๐ฌ๐๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ฐ
Notes:
Quick heads-up before we jump in โ I was thinking about maybe turning the chapters of my fanfic into mini Sims 4 episodes (like 1โ2 min videos, kinda like simple TikTok edits) and posting them on Twitter/X just for fun โ if I can find all the CC I need. Would you guys be into that? Just wanna know if people would actually watch before I go through the trouble. Let me know, and enjoy the chapters for today! <3
Chapter Text
[09:23 AM]
Morning light filtered gently through the thin curtains, flooding the room in a soft, warm glow. The kind that doesn't burn, but wraps around you.
Light slowly opened his eyes, still heavy with sleep.
It wasn't the light that hit him first.
It was the warmth against him.
The soft, familiar weight pressed close.
Ryuzaki.
Still there.
Still curled against his chest, one hand loosely resting on his stomach, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
And maybe... it was now.
His own arm was tucked under Ryuzaki's neck, and without even realizing it, his fingers were already drifting through his hair, gently stroking the back of his neck in an unconscious gesture, as if it had always been that way.
And fuck... maybe it had.
He felt like he was dreaming.
Ryuzaki stirred slightly, murmuring groggily.
A chill shot up Light's spine as he moved, his body barely shifting against his own.
Then, without lifting his head, voice still rough with sleep:
"Don't move."
Light raised an amused eyebrow. "What?"
Ryuzaki tightened his grip slightly, forehead pressed against his collarbone.
"I'm good. Keep going."
Light chuckled softly, an idiotic smile tugging at his lips.
So he kept going.
Let his fingers wander slowly across Ryuzaki's scalp, massaging his head in silence, sliding down to his nape or behind his ear now and then.
Gentle, almost ritualistic motions.
Ryuzaki said nothing.
But he didn't pull away.
He let it happen.
And Light couldn't remember the last time he felt this peaceful.
[10:12 AM]
The coffee maker sputtered noisily, filling a chipped mug, while the radio hissed faintly on a battered FM unit stuck between two stations.
Light leaned against the counter, mug in hand. Ryuzaki sat on the kitchen counter, drowning in an XXL hoodie that reached down to his thighs, legs crossed, hands tucked into his sleeves.
Their silence wasnโt heavy.
It was comfortable.
A silence that meant they didn't need to fill the gaps.
Light looked up at him, lingered a little too long.
Ryuzaki felt it and turned his head.
"What?"
Light shrugged. "You're right, it's weird."
"What?"
"Seeing you here. Like it's normal."
Ryuzaki calmly set his mug down, arms crossed.
"It is."
And Light felt something twist in his stomach, an emotion he couldnโt quite name.
[11:04 AM]
They were getting ready to head out.
Light crossed the hallway, t-shirt in hand, and as he passed by Ryuzaki, the latter caught his hand. Simply. Naturally.
Light paused.
Their fingers brushed, then laced.
He turned to look at Ryuzaki, eyebrow raised. Ryuzaki just shrugged, like it was nothing.
"You looked like you wanted me to."
Light burst out laughing.
"You're an asshole."
But he squeezed his fingers in return.
And felt a little more alive.
[1:28 PM]
They were at the local cafรฉ, the one Light often visited to scribble lyrics while chain-smoking.
The place was nearly empty.
A half-broken jukebox dribbled out fragments of Jimmy Eat World, and cigarette smoke hovered in the air like a ghost from the 2000s.
Ryuzaki sat across from him, elbows on the table, head tilted slightly.
Light was stirring his coffee with a spoon, smirking.
"Feels like a date."
"Is it a date?"
Light pretended to think.
Then shook his head. "Nah. Feels like a couple deep in routine."
Ryuzaki sipped his coffee.
Then calmly:
"Does that bother you?"
Light paused.
Then exhaled a laugh.
"Fuck no. Quite the opposite."
---
[2:52 PM]
They came back in under a fine rain, drenched, laughing in the stairwell.
Light had mocked Ryuzaki for refusing to run.
Ryuzaki replied that being soaked was a sensory experience.
Light called him a sociopath.
They were good.
Back home, Light collapsed onto the bed.
Ryuzaki fell beside him.
And as silence settled again, heavier, more fragile, their hands slowly found each other, fingers intertwining automatically.
And Light whispered:
"Are you still scared?"
Ryuzaki turned his head toward him. He knew what Light meant.
He inhaled softly.
"Yeah. But I donโt give a shit anymore."
Light turned too. Watched him for a long moment.
Then, slowly, leaned in.
And kissed him.
Not like a first time. Not like a promise.
Like a truth.
And in that suspended moment, Ryuzaki knew there was no going back.
Chapter 30: ๐ ๐ข๐ฑ๐ด๐ข๐ข๐ซ ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ข ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ข๐ฐ
Chapter Text
[4:21 PM]
The cafรฉ was almost empty at that hour.
Light and Ryuzaki were tucked into a corner, sitting at a wooden table worn down by time, half-finished cups of coffee between them.
Ryuzaki was flipping through an old music magazine, brows slightly furrowed.
Light, meanwhile, was twirling a cigarette between his fingers, his gaze drifting between Ryuzaki and the outside world, where the light rain created an atmosphere that felt almost unreal.
It had been raining for days, the weather refusing to let the sun through.
Completely at odds with the way they felt inside.
They didnโt speak much.
But everything was said in other ways.
Light felt Ryuzakiโs presence like a certainty.
Like the air around him was somehow more stable with him there.
And Ryuzaki...
Ryuzaki looked relaxed.
Not completely. Not yet.
But enough.
And Light loved that.
[6:53 PM]
Ryuzaki leaned against the wall, watching Light tune his guitar backstage.
There was noise, voices, a kind of electric tension in the air.
Light was focused, fingers grazing the strings with practiced easeโbut his eyes briefly met Ryuzakiโs.
Ryuzaki didnโt say a word.
But his gaze was heavy.
Light felt his heart skip a beat.
Then he looked away.
Because tonight, he was going to sing something for him.
And he didnโt want Ryuzaki to read it on his face too soon.
[9:27 PM]
The venue was packed.
Music saturated the air, bass rattling the floor, adrenaline pumping through Lightโs veins.
And then he saw him.
Ryuzaki.
In the crowd.
Silent. Still lingering in the shadows.
But there.
And thatโฆ that changed everything.
Light grabbed the mic.
He felt a strange warmth rising in his chest.
Then, slowly, he whispered into the microphone:
โThis oneโฆ itโs for someone.โ
He didnโt say who.
But he knew Ryuzaki would understand.
Of course he would.
The first chords rang out.
The lyrics burned in his throat.
And he sang.
He sang for him.
For Ryuzaki.
For everything theyโd never said out loud.
And Ryuzaki...
Ryuzaki understood.
Because his expression shifted.
Because he didnโt look away, not once.
Because it was obvious now.
They were there.
Together.
[12:43 AM]
Light closed the door behind them, letting the silence wrap around them after the deafening noise of the concert.
They had barely spoken on the way home.
But it hadnโt been necessary.
Light draped his jacket over the back of a chair, then turned his head toward Ryuzaki.
Ryuzaki stood against the door, his gaze locked on him.
A shiver ran down Lightโs spine.
They both knew.
That tonight would be different.
That this was the moment.
And neither of them tried to avoid it.
Light walked toward him slowly.
Ryuzaki didnโt move.
Then, without a word, Light brushed his wrist.
Ryuzaki closed his eyes.
Light tilted his head slightly.
โIt was for you. Even though I know you already understood.โ
Ryuzaki slowly opened his eyes.
And this time, he didnโt hold back.
He grabbed him and kissed him.
It was rough.
Slow.
But most of allโฆ it was inevitable.
Light pulled back just slightly, his fingers still gripping the back of Ryuzakiโs neck.
He didnโt need to ask anything.
Because Ryuzaki knew.
Light gently grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and whispered:
โStay.โ
And Ryuzaki...
Ryuzaki had no intention of ever leaving again.
[1:34 AM]
The room was bathed in soft shadows, only the moonlight slipping through the curtains casting light on their intertwined silhouettes.
Their eyes metโa mix of desire and vulnerability shining in both.
Without a word, Light leaned in to press a kiss to Ryuzakiโs parted lips.
Their breaths mingled, their bodies drew closer, and soon, their hands were exploring every inch of bare skin they could find.
Ryuzaki let out a muffled moan as Light trailed kisses along his neck, slowly moving down to his chest.
He arched his back, opening his body up to Light's exploration, who responded by gently sucking on a hardened nipple.
The clothes fell off one by one. Their legs tangled together, their crotches pressed together, and the heat rising between them became almost unbearable.
Ryuzaki moaned again as Light took hold of his erection, his hand sliding slowly along his throbbing shaft.
"Hm, Light..."
They exchanged attention, their movements becoming more urgent, more intense, and soon, the need to unite became irresistible.
Light positioned himself above Ryuzaki and slipped on a condom. Their gazes met one last time, and with a hoarse whisper, he slowly sank into him.
They began to move together, their bodies adjusting, adapting, until the pain gave way to pleasure.
Their moans mingled with the night, their sweat-slicked skin merging in a chaotic ballet.
Each whispering the other's name.
After a moment, Light took Ryuzaki's legs and positioned them over his shoulders, pushing deeper into him.
He tightened his grip around Ryuzaki, his fingers digging into his hips as he quickened his pace.
Ryuzaki moaned in pleasure, his nails digging into Light's back, silently encouraging him to go deeper.
Pleasure suddenly overwhelmed them, their bodies trembling and locked together.
Light collapsed against Ryuzaki, their foreheads touching, their panting breaths mingling in the dim light.
[2:17 AM]
The sheets were rumpled.
Their breaths tangled.
The room was dark, still softly lit by the moon, as if the entire world had finally decided to leave them alone.
Light ran a hand over Ryuzakiโs still-warm skin, tracing the lines of his back, the curve of his hips.
Ryuzakiโs eyes were half-closed, tired but at peace.
Light smiled faintly and pressed one last kiss to his temple.
They hadnโt needed words.
Because everything was clear now.
They had gone further.
But more importantlyโฆ
They werenโt afraid anymore.
Chapter 32: ๐ ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ค ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐๐ฑ ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ซ๐ค๐ข๐ฐ ๐ข๐ณ๐ข๐ฏ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ค
Chapter Text
[8:42 AM]
The awakening was slow, blurry, almost unreal.
Morning light filtered through the half-drawn curtains, casting golden shadows over the crumpled sheets.
Light opened his eyes softly, his body still heavy, as if floating between two worlds.
And then, he felt the warmth beside him.
Still against his chest, a leg lazily draped between his own, fingers gently curled against the skin of his stomach.
Light didnโt move.
Not because he was afraid to wake him.
But because he wanted to soak in the moment.
Right here. Like this.
A damn morning where Ryuzaki was still there.
Ryuzaki shifted slightly, a shiver running down his still-numb body.
Light felt his warm breath brush against his skin as he moved just enough to get even closer.
And then, a muffled voice, still drowned in sleep:
โNot ready to move.โ
Light smiled softly, slipping a hand into Ryuzakiโs still-messy hair.
โThen donโt.โ
Ryuzaki gave a small grunt, nestling his face closer against his chest, fingers tracing invisible lines across his skin.
And Light felt something tighten in his chest.
He had never lived this.
This peace.
This silence without discomfort.
This damn calm after the storm.
โLast night... was wonderful.โ
Ryuzaki smiled like an idiot, letting out a soft โhmmโ against his skin.
He eventually lifted his head a bit, his eyes still tired but intensely locked on Lightโs.
A lazy smile brushed his lips.
โSo, whatโs it like, the morning after?โ
Light raised an eyebrow, pretending to think.
Then, with a cheeky grin:
โDunno. Iโd have to compare with others.โ
Ryuzaki gave him a soft punch in the ribs.
Light chuckled, but his gaze stayed locked on his.
Then he whispered, lower, more honest:
โItโs really good.โ
Ryuzaki stared at him for a few more seconds, as if trying to tell if he was bluffing.
But he wasnโt.
So Ryuzaki relaxed a little more.
And Light knew that this was it.
This was now, this was them.
[9:56 AM]
They were still in bed, still under the covers, naked, as if made for this exact moment.
Light was lazily tracing the fine bone of Ryuzakiโs hip with his fingertips, his movements slow, absent, natural.
Ryuzaki said nothing.
But he shivered slightly under the touches.
Then, suddenly:
โWhat do you wanna do today?โ Ryuzaki asked, voice still a little hoarse.
Light chuckled softly.
โYou already wanna leave the bed?โ
Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow. โWho said anything about leaving it?โ
Light bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to react too much.
But Ryuzaki had already picked up on everything.
He drew a slow circle on Lightโs chest and murmured, almost teasing:
โYouโre too easy to read.โ
Light tilted his head back slightly, a rough laugh slipping from his lips.
Then he pulled Ryuzaki closer again, locking eyes with him.
โAnd youโre too addictive.โ
Ryuzaki smirked slightly.
Then he murmured, more quietly:
โI have to go home today. Donโt think Iโll come back tonight. Got work to catch up on. Need to move forward a bit.โ
The tone was neutral.
But Light still felt something tighten in his chest.
He propped himself up on his elbows, watching him.
โI need some air too.โ
Ryuzaki turned, leaning against the wall, gaze distant.
โIโve never... spent this much time with someone. Itโs dumb, but Iโm not used to it.โ
A pause.
โYou know I canโt stay hidden here forever.โ
Light stayed silent for a moment. Then, looking to the side, calmly:
โItโs true... Do what you have to. I canโt keep you in a cage.โ
A pause. Then a smile, a little sad, a little sincere:
โEven if Iโd like to.โ
A broken half-smile brushed Ryuzakiโs lips.
โEven though you make a damn convincing jailer.โ
Light smiled, but a hint of sadness lingered on his face. Ryuzaki crossed his arms.
โAre you gonna make that face every time I say Iโm sleeping somewhere else?โ
โYou never sleep elsewhere.โ
He raised an eyebrow.
โYou basically live here now.โ
Ryuzaki didnโt reply. But his look said it all.
He wasnโt running away. Just... breathing.
Light sighed softly.
โAnd are you planning to kick me out now?โ
Ryuzaki pursed his lips, looked down at their intertwined hands.
โItโs not you. Itโs just...โ
He didnโt finish. He didnโt need to.
Light smiled and nodded softly, as if heโd heard the rest anyway.
โDonโt worry, I get it. Iโm joking.โ
A small smile tugged at Ryuzakiโs lips.
โBut youโve got a few more hours of reprieve. Come to mine today.โ
[11:48 AM]
Ryuzakiโs apartment had something different.
Not just because it was smaller. Messier.
But because it was him.
A space that looked like him. Quiet, functional, but full of details screaming who he was.
Light scanned the room, dropping his bag by the door.
Books everywhere. Cables lying around. But the overall style stayed minimalistic.
And on the coffee table: scribbled papers, half-open notebooks, ideas in raw form.
Ryuzaki closed the door behind him, walked past, and said softly:
โSorry for the mess.โ
Light shrugged.
โYouโve seen my place? Iโve got no room to judge.โ
He smiled.
But deep down, he was touched.
That Ryuzaki let him in here. Into this space he opened to no one.
[12:52 PM]
They were on the balcony, ice creams in hand, leaning on the railing, looking at the horizon.
The sun warmed gently, without burning. A pale, almost spring-like light filtered between the buildings.
The silence between them wasnโt heavy.
It was that rare, comfortable kind of quiet.
The kind that says "I'm fine here, with you, even if we say nothing, as long as weโre together."
Light had lit a cigarette. Ryuzaki was staring at the clouds.
โYou never spend much time here, huh.โ
โNot when I can avoid it.โ
Light turned to him, curious.
Ryuzaki shrugged.
โItโs a place made to be alone. But I donโt really like being alone anymore... I think.โ
Light stayed silent for a moment.
Then, he still tried, softly:
โYou really donโt want me to stay tonight?โ
Ryuzaki looked at him.
His eyes were tired, but gentle.
โNo.โ
He smiled softly.
โI want you to go home. Let me work a bit.โ
Light smiled too. He understood.
โShame. Was worth a shot.โ
It wasnโt rejection. It was trust.
[3:03 PM]
Light closed the door to his own apartment.
And the silence that settled behind him was a bit too big.
A bit too empty.
He turned on the stereo, put on a Gorillaz CD, and sat on the couch with a pack of cookies he didnโt even like that much.
He sighed.
He already missed Ryuzaki.
It was ridiculous.
But he knew he had to let him breathe. Let him create, think, have a space of his own.
So he kept busy.
Some tidying, some reading. He tried to write, but nothing came.
So he waited for night to fall, watching the city drift to sleep through the window.
[9:46 PM โ MSN]
๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐.
Light smiled. He jumped onto the bed and settled in with his old Toshiba on his lap.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐ข๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐?๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
๐ธ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ข๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ข ๐ข๐๐โ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ธโ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
It had already started.
The teasing.
Always.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐.
A silence. Then:
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
...
๐๐๐โ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก:
๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐โ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82:
๐ณ๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐ข ๐ธโ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐, ๐๐.
๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐. ๐ฑ๐๐ ๐ธโ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐. ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
Lightโs heart pounded fast.
God, he loved that.
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐ธ'๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐ธ?
ย
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐ธ๐โ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.ย
๐ธ๐โ๐ ๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.ย
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐?
ย
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.
ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐ธโ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ข๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
ย
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ธโ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐.
ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐พ๐ ๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐ฝ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ฬ ๐๐ก๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ 480๐.
ย
A laugh escaped Ryuzakiโs lips.
ย
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐๐๐โ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐.ย
๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐?
ย
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ โ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐,โ ๐๐๐ โ๐๐๐๐๐,โ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐. ๐ณ๐๐โ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ข, ๐ธโ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ 6, ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
ย
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐ธ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐, ๐ธโ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐.
ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ข๐๐โ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ข๐๐๐๐๐๐.
ย
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐๐๐๐. ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข.
A few minutes passed.
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐?
ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
ย
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐ฝ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
ย
๐ก๐๐๐บ๐๐บ๐๐๐บ๐๐ก :ย
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
ย
๐๐๐๐๐_๐ป_๐๐๐๐82 :ย
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ . ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐๐ข.
[1:17 AM]
Light remained alone in his room for a long time, the MSN screen still glowing in front of him.
He reread their messages several times.
He smiled softly, his forehead pressed against the glass.
Tonight, he was sleeping alone.
But he had never felt so connected to someone.
Chapter 33: ๐ฟ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐
Chapter Text
[9:04 AM]
Light knocked gently on the door.
He hadnโt said when exactly heโd come. Just that he would stop by in the morning.
But heโd woken up early.
And Ryuzaki had told him, โNot at 6 AMโ He took that as โanytime after 8 is tolerable.โ
He was holding a small paper bag in one hand, still warm from the bakery, and a bottle of orange juice in the other.
A few seconds later, the door opened slowly.
Ryuzaki appeared in the doorway, hair even messier than usual, eyes half-lidded, an old t-shirt slipping off one shoulder, and pajama shorts that left far too little to the imagination.
Light raised an eyebrow, already smirking.
โYou know it should be illegal to answer the door looking like that? I forgot how hot you are in the mornings.โ
Ryuzaki stared at him for a second. Then he grumbled:
โIโm going to kill you.โ
Light stepped closer, brushed his cheek with a hand, and kissed him softly.
A slow, gentle, nearly silent kiss, like he didnโt want to startle him.
Ryuzaki sighed against his lips, letting it happen, his hand gripping Lightโs shirt out of reflex.
Then he pulled back just enough to whisper:
โDid you bring croissants?โ
Light held out the paper bag.
โOf course. Iโm an exemplary boyfriend.โ
Ryuzaki took the bag without another word and half-turned, shuffling away.
Light stepped inside, closed the door behind him, and followed the trail of slow footsteps into the kitchen.
Sunlight filtered through half-closed blinds, casting pale lines across the wooden floor.
The kettle was gently heating in a corner while Light pulled the croissants from the bag and placed them on a plate.
Ryuzaki had perched on the edge of the table, one knee tucked to his chest, the other foot barely touching the ground.
He was nibbling a croissant messily, crumbs falling on his shorts without a care.
Light watched him, elbows on the counter, a soft smile tugging at his lips.
โYou know youโre supposed to eat it, not dismember it like some kind of wild animal.โ
Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow without looking up.
โYouโve been staring at me for three minutes. Thatโs suspicious.โ
โNot my fault youโre beautifulโeven with half the pastry stuck to your cheek.โ
Ryuzaki lazily ran a hand across his face, not really trying.
Then he took a sip of coffee and asked, voice a bit more awake:
โDid you sleep well?โ
Light nodded, stepping closer, resting a hand on the back of his neck, his fingers toying absentmindedly with a stray lock of hair.
โItโs better when youโre there.โ
Ryuzaki looked at him for a moment. A faint smile pulled at the corner of his lips.
โYouโre flirting with me at 9 in the morning.โ
โAlways. Especially when youโre wearing those shorts.โ
Ryuzaki rolled his eyes but didnโt say anything.
He just held out a croissant to Lightโa silent exchange.
And for a few minutes, they just sat there, eating together in that rare morning calm, where no words were needed.
Breakfast nearly finished, Ryuzaki stretched slowly, arms above his head, shirt lifting just enough to show the slim line of his hips.
Light looked away for half a second, then muttered:
โYouโre doing that on purpose.โ
Ryuzaki yawned.
โWhat?โ
โThat tempting body.โ
Ryuzaki stood, passed close to him, and whispered in his ear:
โThen stop looking.โ
And disappeared down the hallway, probably toward the bathroom.
Light stayed there, croissant in hand, slightly frustrated, slightly amused.
Fuck.
That was their morning.
And it was perfect.
[2:21 PM]
The cafรฉ they usually hung out at was noisy, saturated with conversation, clinking cups, and a soft rock playlist in the background.
Light and Ryuzaki sat at their usual table, the one in the cornerโjust far back enough not to be in the spotlight, but not hidden either.
And that was new.
Being here like this.
Not keeping distance.
Not relying on MSN chats or stolen glances at concerts.
Now, they were here.
Together.
And Light had no fucking idea how to deal with it.
He wasnโt the type to hide what he wanted.
But he wasnโt the type to flaunt what he treasured most, either.
So he did what he did best.
Acted like everything was normal.
Like his heart wasnโt pounding every time Ryuzaki looked up at him with that expression that said everything.
Light took a drag from his cigarette, fiddling absently with his lighter while Ryuzaki scrolled through the jukebox playlist.
A girl passed by their table, giving them a quick look.
Not innocent.
More... curious. Intrusive.
Light felt tension rise inside him.
He couldโve ignored it.
But he didnโt want to.
So, without really thinking, he reached across the table and grabbed Ryuzakiโs hand.
Ryuzaki immediately looked up, surprised.
Light stared back, raising an eyebrow like: So what?
Ryuzaki didnโt pull away.
He looked at their hands for a moment, then closed his fingers around Lightโs.
And Light knew that was a decision.
They werenโt hiding.
Not today.
[4:02 PM]
The city buzzed with life, full of people.
Their footsteps echoed on the damp asphalt, puddles of rain still scattered along the sidewalk.
Ryuzaki walked beside Light, hands in his pockets, hoodie pulled up, gaze avoiding the unfamiliar faces.
Light saw itโsaw the way he analyzed everything, measured the space around him, as if still calculating how much he could exist here.
Light couldโve waited for him to make the move.
But he knew it would take time.
So he made the first step.
Literally.
He slowed slightly and reached toward Ryuzaki, his fingers brushing against his.
No pressure.
Ryuzaki glanced at him.
And after a few seconds, he took his hand.
Light felt a strange warmth spread through him.
Like that simple gesture erased every doubt heโd had before.
They kept walking, silently.
But that was enough.
[6:27 PM]
The bar where Lightโs band rehearsed was already packedโa space a bit too dark, too smoky, voices overlapping in constant noise.
Light walked in, Ryuzaki beside him.
Usually, Ryuzaki stayed in the background.
But not this time.
This time, he stayed close.
Close enough that even the band noticed.
โWell, well. Rare to see you hanging around here,โ Ren, the bassist, said, throwing Ryuzaki a look.
Light was about to reply, but Ryuzaki beat him to it.
โI needed to check if Light can actually sing or if heโs just bluffing.โ
Ren burst out laughing.
โOh, youโre not ready.โ
Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow.
โI think I am.โ
And Light...
Light felt a goddamn wave of adrenaline hit him.
Because this was it.
This was real.
And Ryuzaki was here.
His boyfriend was here.
Not in the shadows.
Not in a goddamn MSN chat.
Here. With him.
And that was all that mattered.
[9:12 PM]
The lights were dimmer now.
The electricity in the air was palpable.
Light stepped up to the mic, scanning the room until he found him.
There.
Always in the back.
But not looking away.
Lightโs heart pounded.
Then he leaned into the mic, voice echoing through the amps:
โThis is a song I wrote for someone who means a lot to me. Way too much.โ
Quiet murmurs echoed.
The band started the first chords.
And Light sang.
โThe world's a blur, but you're so clear,
A light that cuts through all I hear.
I chase your shadow through the crowd,
But you're still there โ you've never bowed.
If you can hear me, close your eyes,
Let sound waves draw our path through skies.
We might be lost, and never found,
But at least we're lost on the same ground.โ
And Ryuzaki understood, of course.
He understood because his expression changed.
Because he clenched his fists.
Because he knew exactly what Light meant.
And in that moment, Light wanted nothing more than to be right next to him.
[12:34 AM]
They came back in the silence of the night.
Ryuzaki closed the door behind them but didnโt move.
Light turned slowly, looking at him.
And then, Ryuzaki finally spoke.
โThank you. For those beautiful songs you write for me. They really mean a lot.โ
No hesitation.
Light stepped forward, brushed his arm, and murmured:
โYou deserve them.โ
Ryuzaki didnโt say anything.
He just looked up, his breath short.
And this time...
It was Light who kissed him first.
Chapter 34: ๐๐ฌ๐ช๐ข๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ค ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐๐ฑ ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐๐ซ๐ก๐ฐ ๐ฒ๐ญ
Notes:
Hi everyone, I'm back! I'm really sorry for this long break... I'll now try to update each sunday as I used to do before, and to finish this story. Thanks for all who waited and stayed <3
Chapter Text
ย
Light felt, low in his belly, a strange need. Something blurry. Fragile.
And that question, looping endlessly in his head.
He felt his fingers tense slightly against the sheet.
He wasnโt very good at saying things like that. Even less at proposing them.
And yet.
When Ryuzaki opened his eyes, still hazy with sleep, Light took a breath.
Then he murmured, almost too quickly:
โYou should live here. With me.โ
Ryuzaki blinked, barely lifting his head.
โSorry?โ
Light froze for a second, hesitating, then forced himself to meet his gaze. He wanted it to be clear. To be real.
โIโm not saying you have to drop everything. Not now. But youโre here all the time. Youโve got your stuff here. And Iโโ He paused. โI like having you here.โ
Ryuzaki didnโt answer right away.
He watched Light for a long moment, without smiling, without irony. Then, simply:
โOkay.โ
Light felt something loosen in his chest. Like a knot slowly melting away.
Ryuzaki added, quietly:
โI obviously canโt cancel my lease. Iโll keep my apartment. Butโฆ Iโll stay here for now.โ
A small smile curved Lightโs lips.
โThat works for me.โ
They stayed like that for a few more seconds, not saying anything.
Then Light got up, grabbed a T-shirt off the floor, and said in a neutral tone:
โThough if youโre living here, youโve gotta do your part.โ
Ryuzaki frowned, suspicious.
โWhat part?โ
Light raised an eyebrow, already opening a cabinet.
โCleaning day.โ
Ryuzaki groaned, his voice still a little rough.
โThatโs why you asked me to move in?โ
โObviously. So you can clean the windows.โ
Ryuzaki dropped back onto the bed, arms spread.
โYouโre such an asshole.โ
โToo late. You said yes.โ
Silence.
Then Ryuzaki raised one arm into the air, palm open.
โI surrender. Iโve been played.โ
They put a CD into the old playerโMeteora by Linkin Park.
It was scratched, the sound skipped sometimes, but it didnโt matter.
It was the right noise.
The guitar rang softly, saturated but not aggressive, as Light started tidying the living room.
He sorted through loose sheets full of scribbles, stacked old music magazines, emptied half-forgotten cans.
Ryuzaki, silent, followed behind with a trash bag, sorting what could be saved.
Their movements werenโt coordinated.
But they moved together.
A bit later, Ryuzaki was vacuuming the living room, focused, head slightly tilted, hair falling into his eyes.
Light had been watching him from the corner of his eye for a while, leaning against the table, a bottle of water in hand.
Then, without warning, he stepped closer and gave him a quick, unmistakable slap on the ass.
Ryuzaki jumped, stiffening.
He turned slowly, unimpressed.
โSeriously?โ
Light shrugged, a crooked smile on his face.
โYou shouldnโt make it look that sexy.โ
Ryuzaki turned off the vacuum, crossed his arms.
โDo you really want to talk about the way you cleaned the windows with your T-shirt pulled up to your stomach?โ
โI was focused.โ
โYou were shirtless.โ
โMinor detail.โ
They looked at each other for a momentโnot challenging, not tense. Just quiet smiles, silent understanding.
Then Ryuzaki turned the vacuum back on and kept going.
In the kitchen, they ended up facing the dishes.
Light rolled up his sleeves, ready to start. Ryuzaki stood there, arms crossed, watching him.
โAfraid Iโll break a plate?โ
โNo. Iโm afraid youโll only clean the outside of the glasses. Like last time.โ
Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow.
โYou checked the inside of every glass?โ
โI lived through the trauma of cold coffee residue at the bottom of a mug.โ
Ryuzaki leaned in slowly, face very close, a barely-there smile.
โItโs funny how hot you are when youโre obsessive.โ
Light stared at him, unfazed.
โDo the dishes.โ
Later, sprawled on the couch, arms still a little damp, they wrapped themselves in a blanket and just stayed there.
The channel was playing Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz now, the sound slightly muffled by fabric and exhaustion.
Ryuzakiโs head rested against Light, nose tucked into his shoulder.
Light played with his fingers absentmindedly.
A soft, calm silence.
Then Ryuzaki breathed:
โIt feels like something.โ
โLike what?โ
โLikeโฆ I donโt know. Something solid.โ
Light turned slightly toward him.
โAnd that doesnโt scare you?โ
โIt does. But it makes me want it too.โ
A smile. Light. Almost imperceptible.
Light closed his eyes.
And stayed there, holding him close.
[1:04 PM]
They walked side by side, the wet sidewalk reflecting the pale light of the sky.
Light kept his hands in his pockets, his pace easy. Ryuzaki walked a little closer than usual, his shoulder brushing Lightโs now and then.
They had no plan. Just the urge to be outside.
To breathe. To walk without a destination.
They stopped at a small record store, digging through CD bins, laughing at kitschy covers, seriously debating Placebo vs. Radiohead, buying a slightly scratched Three Days Grace album just for the joy of listening to it later.
Then, down a random alley, an old place was selling pizza slices to go.
They grabbed two beers with it. Lukewarm Heinekensโthe kind you drink laughing, leaning against a low wall, legs touching.
And Ryuzaki had that way of looking at him when he thought Light wasnโt watching.
That calm, intense stare that made something speed up in his chest.
[6:37 PM]
The apartment smelled like tomato sauce, the pizza box still warm on the coffee table.
Ryuzaki had dropped onto the couch, pulling off his socks, legs crossed carelessly.
Light watched him from the corner of his eye as he set the beers down.
โWhat are we playing tonight?โ Ryuzaki asked, grabbing a controller.
โIโll let you choose, but if you pull that busted Tekken combo again, Iโm kicking you out.โ
Ryuzaki half-smiled.
โYou say that every night.โ
โAnd I mean it every time.โ
They bickered, but their eyes never really left each other.
The game launched with an intro that was way too loud. An old version of Burnout 3 blasted saturated riffs and metallic voices through the speakers.
They played two rounds.
But something lingered in the air.
Not tense.
Justโฆ charged.
Longer looks. Slower smiles. Fingers brushing a wrist, a knee.
And that feeling that the silence between them was growing heavier.
Fuller.
[8:12 PM]
The second beer wasnโt completely finished.
But they werenโt sober.
Not drunk either.
Justโฆ in that comfortable in-between. A little freer. A little less sharp.
Ryuzaki had leaned to the side, his leg touching Lightโs, their shoulders too.
Light didnโt say anything, but he felt every point of contact like a spark.
They hadnโt really moved. Not yet.
But their gazes had slowed. Deepened.
And when Light laughed at something Ryuzaki said, his hand fell lightly against his thigh, not entirely on purpose.
Ryuzaki turned his head, raised an eyebrow, almost amused.
โYou trying something?โ
Light shrugged.
โMaybe.โ
Silence.
A crooked smile.
And Ryuzaki replied softly:
โKeep going.โ
[9:43 PM]
Theyโd turned the game off.
No longer able to pretend.
The teasing had escalated.
A comment.
A look.
A shove. A retaliation.
At one point, Ryuzaki had gotten up to grab something, and Light had pulled him back by the belt, throwing him onto the bed.
They wrestledโplayfully. Pillow fights, muffled laughter, then hands on hips, chests pressed together.
And that heat.
That need.
Light pinned him gently to the mattress, Ryuzakiโs arms around his neck.
Their breaths collided, their eyes locked.
Nothing separated play from desire anymore.
Then, in a whisper:
โYouโre dying for itโฆโ Ryuzaki breathed.
Light answered by kissing him.
Slowly.
Deeply.
Like it was the only thing heโd been waiting for all day.
The rest blurred.
Clothes slipping away.
Sighs.
Movements hesitant at first, then sure.
Words no longer needed.
Theyโd searched for each other for too long to pretend now.
Light kissed his skin like he was discovering it, centimeter by centimeter.
Ryuzaki arched beneath him, breath uneven, nails digging into his shoulder blades.
It wasnโt violent.
Not rushed.
Just real. Just them.
An old need finally finding its release.
And when it was overโwhen their bodies finally relaxed, tangled beneath the sheetsโLight slid a hand along Ryuzakiโs cheek, slowly, almost clumsily.
Ryuzaki opened his eyes, red with emotion.
And in a barely audible breath, he said:
โYou wouldnโt have been able to keep me at a distance much longer.โ
Light smiled, forehead resting against his.
โI didnโt want to anymore.โ
ย
clear_has_an_account_now on Chapter 1 Mon 19 May 2025 04:52AM UTC
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nanarock on Chapter 1 Tue 20 May 2025 04:39AM UTC
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Account Deleted on Chapter 2 Mon 17 Mar 2025 02:16PM UTC
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nanarock on Chapter 2 Mon 17 Mar 2025 04:27PM UTC
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Suroug0 on Chapter 4 Sun 13 Apr 2025 08:37PM UTC
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nanarock on Chapter 4 Mon 14 Apr 2025 07:54AM UTC
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el_sol_dans_le_sol on Chapter 10 Mon 07 Apr 2025 12:32PM UTC
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el_sol_dans_le_sol on Chapter 10 Tue 08 Apr 2025 02:17AM UTC
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likeaclosingdoor on Chapter 12 Mon 14 Apr 2025 12:17AM UTC
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nanarock on Chapter 12 Mon 14 Apr 2025 07:53AM UTC
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nanarock on Chapter 16 Sun 20 Apr 2025 05:23PM UTC
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anon (Guest) on Chapter 18 Fri 25 Apr 2025 02:32PM UTC
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nonbinarymikasa on Chapter 33 Fri 25 Jul 2025 02:26PM UTC
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tarouchi (shuntachishi) on Chapter 34 Mon 15 Dec 2025 07:48AM UTC
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