|
Location: Gesellschaft
|
Faust |
Come on... |
|
After the nightmare that was the bodyswap incident, Faust went to her room and logged in to the Gesellschaft.
|
| Faust |
... |
|
The suspense was killing her.
|
|
Not only was she subjected to being stuck in Sinner #3's body for hours, but that Sinner's lucidity might've just costed her potential decades of recognition as a serious Faust.
|
|
She might not even be able to get access to Gesellschaft, depending on what Sinner #3 did.
|
| Faust |
... |
|
Multicrack Office Faust drags her into a private call. She acts like the Gesellschaft Authenticator for situations like these.
|
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Are you LCB Faust? |
| Faust |
Yes, yes, it's me this time. You can disable the firewall. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Are you sure? 100% sure it's you and not another Sinner on that bus? |
| Faust |
Yes, I am sure. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Hmm... You sound like you, alright. But I need to ask you some questions for authenticity. |
| Faust |
That is fine. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Question One. Who do we dislike more than most? |
| Faust |
Either Hohenheim or those who distrust the validity and genius of Faust. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Both acceptable answers, but if we had to pick one...? |
| Faust |
Hohenheim. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Correct. Question Two. Who was our first love? |
| Faust |
Gretchen. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Correct. Question Three. Helen of Troy is the personification of what? |
| Faust |
Beauty. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
All correct. Now, here's the question that'll pertain to you personally... |
| Multicrack Office Faust |
Describe to me in detail your combat style. |
| Faust |
My weapon is a zweihänder named "Walpurgisnacht". The name comes from the holiday, also known as Walpurgis Night. The zweihänder is a double-edged, straight bladed weapon of which I carry in my right hand. I utilize it to do attacks such as downward and upward slashes as well as drilling stabs. I resist all forms of piercing, I take normal damage to blunt attacks, and I am weak to slashing. If Dante notices when an enemy has- |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Okay, okay, I've heard enough. ...Access granted. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
I forget how much you know about yourself off the top of your head, clearly... |
| Faust |
I am the Faust that knows all, after all. |
|
Crisis averted.
|
VC Announcer |
LCB Sinner Faust has joined the call. |
| VC Announcer |
Multicrack Office Faust has joined the call. |
| Lobotomy Corp. Remnant Faust |
LCB Faust! It seems like you have access into your account again. Welcome back. |
| LCE E.G.O.: Ardor Blossom Star Faust |
Hello, LCB Faust. |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
Good day, LCB Faust. |
| Faust |
...Hello, Fausts. |
|
Now comes the hard part: explaining herself.
|
|
It seems like all of the other Fausts had been waiting for her somewhat peacefully.
|
| Lobotomy Corp. Remnant Faust |
What happened, though? Typically, we don't get intruders like that. Especially not intruders so... eccentric. |
| Seven Assoc. South Faust |
You're sugarcoating it. She was a lot. |
| Seven Assoc. South Faust |
What was her name again? |
| Faust |
She most likely introduced herself as "Don Quixote". |
| Seven Assoc. South Faust |
Mmm... Beyond all the shouting, I believe those words were said, yes. |
| Seven Assoc. South Faust |
I haven't met my world's version of her yet. Apologies for my unfamiliarity. |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
Quite a few of us haven't. |
| Faust |
Who has, if I may ask? |
| Zwei Assoc. South Faust |
Had I known she was the one who would be appearing from LCB, I would have been able to alert us of this possibility. |
| Zwei Assoc. South Faust |
Don Quixote in my world belongs to Section 6 of the Zwei Association. |
| The One Who Grips Faust |
To hear a different variation of a Mittelhammer I've known for a long time is most intriguing... |
| Blade Lineage Salsu Faust |
In my world, Don Quixote's a Salsu, much like myself. |
| Lobotomy E.G.O.: Regret Faust |
In my world, Don Quixote's a Training Team Agent for Lobotomy Corporation. |
| W Corp. L2 Cleanup Agent Faust |
Don Quixote's a L3 Cleanup Agent in my world. |
| The One Who Grips Faust |
Aha! It appears I was blessed with the best version of Don Quixote! |
| Zwei Assoc. South Faust |
No. |
| W Corp. L2 Cleanup Agent Faust |
Nope. |
| Blade Lineage Salsu Faust |
Absolutely not. |
| Lobotomy E.G.O.: Regret Faust |
Nuh-uh. |
| The One Who Grips Faust |
Yet if I had degraded her, you all would've still found a means to find fault with my words. |
| The One Who Grips Faust |
This fucking server... |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
Though actually, now that we're discussing that event, how did she even get here? |
| Faust |
I... I, uh... |
| Faust |
You see, Dante had unintentionally wished upon a once in a lifetime meteor after we were facing a Distortion. |
| Faust |
And it would seem that... I along with the rest of the Sinners had our minds swapped around. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Why did Dante make this wish? |
| Faust |
We, uh... were not listening to them at the time of that battle. The Distortion mixed up our left and right. |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
...You got your mind swapped with Don Quixote thanks to a once in a lifetime event because you weren't listening to your manager in the middle of a fight. |
| Faust |
Yes. |
|
...
|
| Seven Assoc. South Faust |
Pfffft. |
| Wuthering Heights Faust |
Hahahahahahaha! |
| Faust |
Please don't start with the laughing. You're going to cause a- |
|
But it was too late. The Faust from Wuthering Heights started a chain reaction.
|
|
A lot of the other Fausts couldn't help themselves. They laughed with her, much to Sinner Faust's dismay.
|
| Faust |
Noooo... |
|
Faust covers her face with her hands in embarrassment.
|
| Seven Assoc. South Faust |
S-Sorry, but Faust, you have to admit that's quite hilarious. I mean, all you had to do was listen to their directions in battle and do them. It's not that hard. |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
You didn't do that ONCE, and then, you got your body taken by "Don Quixote" by complete chance??? |
| Faust |
Please stop. |
| Lobotomy E.G.O.: Regret Faust |
I shudder at the thought of ever letting that happen to me. |
| Blade Lineage Salsu Faust |
Likewise. |
| Faust |
She isn't even that eccentric, though... |
| Faust |
She's just a little silly! I don't see how this is hilarious to you all. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Yes, but there were so many more normal options within your crew that we would've been more comfortable with taking over your body for the time being. Outis, Ishmael, and Meursault to name a few. |
| LCE E.G.O.: Ardor Blossom Star Faust |
I would've liked if we had Yi Sang here... |
| Blade Lineage Salsu Faust |
Mmm. No, that would've been equally as bad. |
| Blade Lineage Salsu Faust |
Having Yi Sang here would've led to an emotional conflict of interest. The logical thing would be to kick him out, as we do with all non-Fausts, but... |
| Blade Lineage Salsu Faust |
It's Yi Sang. I'm not going to have the heart to kick him. |
| Lobotomy Corp. Remnant Faust |
Right. It would be a struggle for me too. |
| The One Who Shall Grip Faust |
It wouldn't be for me. I wouldn't trust that heretic as far as I could throw him. |
| The One Who Shall Grip Faust |
Now, if we had your Sinclair here... |
| Lobotomy Corp. Remnant Faust |
No. Stop that right now. |
| The One Who Shall Grip Faust |
WHY? |
| Faust |
Please remember that the last time any of us had offhandedly mentioned any Sinclair within this group space, you started a sexually charged dialogue that had lasted several hours. |
| Faust |
None of us want to hear such words again. |
| The One Who Shall Grip Faust |
But you'll let the new Faust talk about Yi Sang all she wishes... I see how it is. |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
I-I can't even imagine having my body being fully taken over by an individual named "Don Quixote". "Don Quixote", what type of name even is that? |
| Faust |
...It is of Hispanic origin. |
| W Corp. L2 Cleanup Agent Faust |
She's not even Hispanic, though. |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
YOU GOT YOUR BODY TAKEN BY A FAKE SPANIARD? |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
OH MY GOD, IT GETS WORSE! Ahahahaha! |
| Faust |
That is insensitive. |
| Lobotomy Corp. Remnant Faust |
I mean, I'd call it racist, but insensitive also works. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
That was very The One Who Grips of you, Faust. |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
...Faust is British. This comes with the territory. |
| Faust |
Fair point. |
| The One Who Grips Faust |
OH, BUT WHEN I CALL A CLANKER A CLANKER, I'M- ...Fine. You know what? Not even gonna bring it up. |
| Faust |
L-Look, Fausts, it was just a momentary lapse of judgment, okay? |
| Faust |
Typically, I would always make sure to get the rest of the Sinners and I to pay attention to Dante's battle plans. I do not know what changed in particular that day. |
| Faust |
Perhaps we wanted to prove ourselves after what we were told in our check-up. |
| W Corp. L2 Cleanup Agent Faust |
If that were the case, I cannot blame you. We've got a Hohenheim in W Corp. too. Hate that guy. |
| Zwei Assoc. South Faust |
Goodness, I thought I was the only one. I fucking hate Hohenheim. |
| Blade Lineage Salsu Faust |
He is... of the less valuable Salsu, I will admit. |
| Lobotomy Corp. Remnant Faust |
I constantly have to hold back on my intensive thoughts on hitting him with Regret. |
|
The rest of the Fausts can at least agree on that point. Their Hohenheims are all collectively garbage, at least to them.
|
| Faust |
But back to the subject of discussion... I apologize. |
| Faust |
I will not let such a small issue cause an event like this ever again. You have my word. |
| Faust |
I will no longer allow anyone unauthorized access into my body. |
| Zwei Assoc. South Faust |
...You, uh... you might want to reword that before- |
|
Wuthering Heights Faust falls over at this rate laughing.
|
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
GOODNESS GRACIOUS. |
| Blade Lineage Salsu Faust |
She is really finding this hilarious, is she not? |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
S-Someone, please, tell me we took screenshots of LCB Faust during this whole ordeal. I need to make those memetic images. |
| W Corp. L2 Cleanup Agent Faust |
You mean memes. |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
YES! Memes! I need to make memes. |
| Faust |
Please do not immortalize my suffering. |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
Too late. It's gonna become part of Gesellschaft mythos. |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
You'll be immortal, Faust. |
| Faust |
STOP. |
| Faust |
Oh my God... Between the Walpurgisnacht blunder and this, I will never be taken seriously again. |
| The One Who Grips Faust |
...Well, Faust, all things considered, if I had the choice to listen to your heretical manager or have my body swapped with Don Quixote, I would take the risk of being body swapped. |
| Faust |
No. No, this isn't happening right now. |
| The One Who Grips Faust |
At least my Mittelhammer's body is how one's naturally should be. All flesh, no prosthetics, no metal. |
| The One Who Grips Faust |
I lose nothing from that trade. |
| Faust |
I cannot believe I am being defended by the Faust that practices xenophobia. |
| Faust |
This cannot get any worse. This physically, mentally, and emotionally cannot get any worse. |
| VC Announcer |
A new Faust has joined the Gesellschaft. |
| Faust |
...Huh? |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Wait, that can't be correct. We're not due for another Faust until LCB Faust tells us of a new Faust being found by Mephistopheles. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
Give me a second. |
| VC Announcer |
Multicrack Office Faust has left the call. |
| The One Who Grips Faust |
Is it finally that second N Corp. Faust I've been waiting for? The one that works outside of the Nagel und Hammer Inquisition?! |
| Zwei Assoc. South Faust |
Eh, you'll get that one in a few months, give or take. Probably some time in the middle of 985, I bet. |
| The One Who Grips Faust |
Fuck. |
| Lobotomy E.G.O.: Regret Faust |
Perhaps another Lobotomy Corporation related Faust? |
| Lobotomy Corp. Remnant Faust |
That would be nice, but I doubt that... |
| Blade Lineage Salsu Faust |
If it's Kurokumo Faust, I'm going to find her and kill her. |
| Faust |
Please do not murder other Fausts. |
| Zwei Assoc. South Faust |
It'd be nice if it were someone from another association. A Cinq Faust would be cool. |
| Seven Assoc. South Faust |
Oh, that would be cool. |
| VC Announcer |
Multicrack Office Faust has joined the call. |
| MultiCrack Office Faust |
She should be here in a second. |
|
...
|
| VC Announcer |
"Faust de La Mancha" has joined the call. |
| Faust de La Mancha |
SALUTATIONS, FELLOW FAUSTS! |
| Faust |
Oh my god. |
| Wuthering Heights Butler Faust |
W-Wait. No way. NO WAY. |
| W Corp. L2 Cleanup Agent Faust |
Is this actually happening? |
| Faust de La Mancha |
It appears that there are several different versions of me that I have never met before! How peculiar! |
| Faust de La Mancha |
Well, no matter. I am the genius, extraordinary, soon-to-be legendary fixer, P Corp.'s very ooooowwwwn... Faust!!! |
| Faust de La Mancha |
But you all may just call me Faust de La Mancha, if it's easier to remember. |
| Faust |
... |
| Faust |
I'm gonna ask Charon if she can use Mephistopheles to run me over one more time. |
