Chapter Text
It was a peaceful day in the little town of Newmarket. Well, it was, until the recognizable shrill voices of the West family rang out from the little cottage on the corner near the Highlands.
''I know you’re hiding it somewhere Liv. For fuck’s sake, I’m going to be late,’’ Holly snapped, frantically overturning every object in a short radius that she could get her hands on.
Olivia sat at her desk, a playful smirk on her face. ''Why would I want that thing? It’s hideous!’’ Liv laughed.
"This isn’t a joke. I mean it. I’ve got a class of kids at four, wanting to be entertained!’’ Holly said frantically.
"Haven’t they heard of good, old-fashioned conversation?’’ Emma said, sitting on Liv’s bed, looking equally amused.
Holly’s cheeks reddened. Emma must have thought she was an idiot.
‘'I say, you just throw a bunch of poker chips in their direction and they’ll be satisfied,’’ Emma said. ‘'You would say that,’’ Liv said, rolling her eyes. ''Hey, my Dad says to get them knowledgeable of gambling while they’re young. It’s good for business,’’ she said, a twinkle in her eye.
''What’s all the noise about girls?’’ Tristain said. ''This is happening every morning,’’ he said, rubbing his temples as he entered the room.
"Don’t worry about it Dad. Holly’s just freaking out over nothing again,’’ Liv said.
Holly shot her sister a look that could curdle milk. ‘'She’s taken my ruff collar,’’ Holly said.
‘'That’s what those things are called?’’ Emma said, wrinkling her nose.
"Olivia when I said Emma could stay for the night I didn’t expect her to end up staying for the whole week!’’ Tristain snapped.
"Oh, that’s how long it’s been? Whoops’’ Liv shrugged, a smirk on her face.
"Liv! Collar!’’ Holly said, her voice rising with frustration. Liv paused before finally relenting.
"Okay, okay. Here,’’ she said, pulling out the collar from behind her desk.
Emma stuck her tongue out. ‘'Ugh, remind me why you chose to be a clown again Holly?’’ Emma teased.
"You! Home! Now! Your Dad’s going to kill me!’’ Tristain said.
Emma gave an exaggerated sigh before leaping to her feet. ‘'Unfortunately, your lovely father is right. Places to be, people to see,’’ Emma said mischievously.
"Fuck off. As if you have people to see,’’ Liv smirked, chucking a pillow in Emma’s direction.
"I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you say that,’’ Tristain said, raising an eyebrow at Liv.
"Sorry Dad,’’ Liv said, a tint of genuineness in her voice.
"Bye losers,’’ Emma said, calling up the stairs with a giggle.
As soon as Emma left, Tristain sighed. ‘'I don’t know why you girls can’t have normal friends, normal ambitions and normal behaviour,’’ he said.
"Dad, that hurts my feelings,’’ joked Liv.
"Yeah, yeah,’’ Tristain said, scooping Liv and Holly in a hug. ‘'I wouldn’t have my girls any other way,’’ he said. ‘'Good luck today Hol,’’ he said before leaving the room.
Holly couldn’t help but stare after her father. He was hurting. He was struggling. He’d never admit that. Holly knew that she was the cause of that.
"It’s not your fault,’’ Liv said, breaking the silence as if she could read Holly’s mind. Holly stared at Liv. Liv got to her feet and moved closer to Holly, putting a firm hand on her shoulder and brushing Holly’s messy fringe out of her eyes. ‘'It’s not your fault,’’ she repeated firmly. The silence hung between the sisters for a while.
"I know,’’ Holly said quietly, even though she didn’t believe it.
"Here, let me get this weird thing sorted,’’ Liv said, clipping the ruff collar round Holly’s neck. Holly stiffly put her signature little pink clown hat on the top of her head. Liv stared into Holly’s eyes. ‘'Smiley, I’m proud of you,’’ Liv said.
Holly grinned slightly at her nickname. ‘'Thanks sis,’’ Holly replied.
"Don’t punch any children, okay? And no poker chips!’’ Olivia called after Holly as she left the room.
"Can’t make any promises,’’ Holly shouted back with a giggle.
Holly walked past her Dad who was watching TV in his lounge chair, a bottle in his hand. ‘'I won’t let you down dad,’’ Holly thought to herself.
Holly walked towards the circus, deep in her thoughts, watching the birds nest in the trees. Sims seemed to surround her on the green grass that stretched for miles, some were playing ball games, some were reading books and others were having picnics or tea parties. They all seemed so…peaceful, so lost in their own little world, oblivious to the shit that could really tear one’s soul apart. While they had their books and their china cups, Holly had her Dad and her sister and that’s all that mattered. "Thanks Liv. Thanks for believing in me,’’ Holly muttered, stupidly hoping the breeze would somehow carry her words back to the cottage, back to Liv. Holly approached the bright yellow tent of the circus and wrinkled her nose. Her heart rate increased when she realised that the outside of the tent was crawling with children. The smells of hot dogs and fried onions tickled the back of her throat, making her want to cough.
"Ah Holly, there you are!’’ a voice brightly said. Tim. The Mayor’s grandson. Tim was a peculiar young fella. Bright and bubbly. But he didn’t understand the concept of personal space.
"Hey,’’ Holly said coolly, wincing at the sound of screaming children.
"Hey Holly, did you hear about that joke about the two cannibal clowns?’’ Tim said excitedly.
"Yes. You told me last week and the week before that,’’ Holly replied. She felt rude but she couldn’t focus, the noises around her ringing in her ears. She suddenly became aware of her toes and how distracting they felt.
‘'You got a new tattoo?’’ Tim asked excitedly, stepping towards Holly and running his fingers over the tattoo of the teardrop on her cheek. ‘'Yeah,’’ Holly replied, trying to fight the urge to slap his hand away.
"A teardrop?’’ Tim said. ‘'Why? Are you sad about something?’’ he said, his brow furrowing, his voice filled with confusion.
Holly stifled a sigh. She didn’t really want to explain the detailed reason behind it. Technically, she got it because she wanted an excuse to get another tattoo. But she didn’t really want to go into the whole, ‘'I’m the reason why my family is broken and my mom chose to leave us because she couldn’t stand to look at me,’’ to answer his question. She couldn’t remember much about that day, shockingly enough. She couldn’t even seem to piece together the events any more. ‘'Nah Tim, I just liked how it looked,’’ she replied.
''Oh, Okay!’’ Tim said, naively, the ears of his dog hat bouncing up and down.
The sound of trumpets echoed inside of the circus and Holly’s heart felt like it was about to explode. It was her time to shine. She walked into the circus, glancing at the benches filled with school children, throwing popcorn at each other and clambering over each other to get a better seat. Holly slowly walked up onto the platform, trying to keep herself from trembling or throwing up or both. The spotlight fell on her as she gingerly grabbed a hoola hoop and began to perform her act. It was nothing special. Just a few hoop tricks but the children seemed happy. Next was juggling but she had to ham it up a bit, pretending to miss, making the children laugh. The acts all seemed to mingle into one; she’d done them so often. The favourite act of the children was the one where they could throw pies at her. Holly had to admit their laughter was infectious. At the end of her act, she gave her signature bow as the children got to their feet and applauded. Looking at all of their happy faces and thinking back to Liv and how much her sister had supported her; Holly felt like things might have begun to change for the better. Even if it was just for a little bit. After the show, the teacher conversed with Holly’s boss Mr. Hawk. Hawk had one strict rule; clowns don’t strike up personal conversations with the clientele, they are there to perform, make a fool of themselves, get their cheque and then piss off home. Hawk had decided to open up this circus business on the side; at night he worked at his casino, where Emma also worked, in the day, he stood backstage during performances at the circus, sunglasses on, cigar in his mouth, probably trying to combat a hangover.
After the show, the class of children scampered out of the tent, following their teacher like a row of little ducks. Tim wrapped his arms around Holly, squealing excitedly, almost knocking her off her feet. "Holly, that was amazing,’’ he babbled excitedly. "Right, Mr. Hawk - wasn’t she great?’’. Hawk counted the Simolian dollars in his hand and gave a simple grunt.
"She was okay I guess. Nothing to shout about,’’ he said, stifling a glare at Tim. Without another word, Hawk disappeared behind the curtain.
‘'He’s such a nice man,’’ grinned Tim.
"Yeah. Lovely,’’ Holly replied dryly.
"How about we go out for some ice cream? Or maybe some waffles? Do you like waffles, Holly?’’ Tim said, the speed of his words making Holly’s head want to explode.
"That’s really sweet of you Tim but I need to get home,’’ Holly said. Disappointment flickered across Tim’s eyes but he simply nodded with a smile. Holly couldn’t wait to get home to Liv to moan about how much of a prick Hawk was.
"Hi Gran, what are you doing here?’’ Tim said cheerfully.
Holly looked up, confused, pulling herself out of her mind babble. There at the entrance of the tent stood Helen, the mayor of Newmarket. The sight of authority figures always made Holly feel tense, even though deep down she knew it was silly to feel that way; Helen was a person just like her. There was something different about Helen today though. The previous times that Holly had seen Helen was on her podium in the centre of town, looking confident and her voice booming with power. Looking at the old woman in front of her now, her face seemed grave. Lost. Sad even.
More confusion arose inside of Holly at the sight of Emma, who was standing a few paces behind Helen, the usual mischievous glint in her eye gone. Her face was tear stained, her eyes bloodshot. What was going on here? Holly didn’t know. But she already didn’t like it. Everything felt wrong. Holly glanced around and was shocked to see that Hawk had even stuck his head out from behind the curtain, his brow furrowed, a face of puzzlement.
"Holly West?’’ Helen spoke, her voice croaky and dry. Holly’s eyes met Helen, her lips slightly agape, having no idea what to say or do.
"Yeah?’’ Holly replied.
"It’s about your sister, Olivia,’’ Helen said. At the mention of Liv’s name, Emma stifled a sob.
Holly felt the blood drain from her face. "Is she okay?’’ Holly said, her voice barely above a whisper. Helen shook her head.
"I’m sorry Holly but she’s dead,’’ Helen said. Holly’s heartbeat increased, a pain shooting through her chest. ‘'No. That’s wrong. I- she was fine, we were-’’ Holly stammered. Holly felt Tim’s hand on her shoulder. She wanted to shove him away but instead she collapsed into him, sliding to the floor, her fists gripping around the dirt in the ground. Tim firmly grabbed onto Holly, unsure of what to do but trying to offer some support. Tears spilled down Holly’s cheeks and she sobbed.
"Call her dad,’’ Hawk said, walking out from behind the curtain, sunglasses now off. ‘'She needs to be with her family right now,’’ he said, all sense of bitterness in his voice gone, urgency replacing it.
"We can’t. Mr West has been arrested,’’ Helen said.
"What? Arrested?’’ Tim said. The words seemed to morph into mush, not registering in Holly’s brain.
"Olivia was murdered. The police are trying to get to the bottom of it. They are doing all they can,’’ Helen said softly. Suddenly, the information slapped Holly so hard that she found herself in blackness.
She had passed out.