Chapter Text
"One, two, three, four, and one, two…" The rote memorized numbers were mumbled like a mantra under a calm breath. The feeling of the polished wooden barre was grounding as Yuuri moved from each ballet position seamlessly. First position, second, third…
It was as if his body was water itself flowing from each movement to the next. Timing each breath with the beats of the number, barely registering the reflected figure matching his movements along the paneled mirrors.
The occasional creak of the glossy hardwood floors were the only other audible sounds as Yuuri glided across them. Golden afternoon light streamed in from the large windows behind him. Their rays illuminating the dust motes that floated in the air around the old practice studio. Time seemed to trickle by almost as if stopping, perfectly suspended in a bubble untouched by the outside world. Yuuri lost to it all, having a natural affinity to tune out thoughts and worries in this space.
Laughter and chatter outside of the doors that were timed perfectly with Yuuri's alarm on his phone, burst the tranquil moment. Time seemed to march forward once more with the spell broken, but Yuuri wasn't upset. He let out a large sigh when he stopped moving. Finally taking note of his sore muscles and the slight sweat on his brow. Doing a few final cool down stretches, Yuuri went to retrieve his phone from its spot plugged against the back wall as some other students walked into the room.
Yuuri looked at the time and was surprised that he had been working out for so long without any interruptions before now. He hadn't realized that it had gotten so late in the day as it almost neared dinner time. Anxiously looking at his notifications seeing that he had a lack of messages or replies from a certain someone made something in Yuuri deflate just a bit. Reminding himself that they were probably just busy, and they would get back to him soon. Packing up his workout bag, Yuuri had just gotten his sweatshirt over his head, covering his leotard and tights, when he heard his name.
"Yuuri! I haven't seen you in forever!" A bright and cheerful brunette said in Russian as she practically leaped over her own bag to greet him. "Are you practicing for your audition pieces for June already?"
"Hi Elena," Yuuri waved shyly, answering back in perfect Russian as well. The beta girl was a few years younger than him, but an excellent ballerina and always friendly with everyone, regardless if they were in the same grade or classes as her.
She had a natural scent that reminded Yuuri of oranges and citrus, even if it was faint as a beta. She smelled even less so at the moment which means she must be using scent blockers, like most people would when they were about to workout. It was the polite thing to do. As an omega, Yuuri's scent of green tea and cherry blossoms was much stronger, so he always used scent blockers while in public.
Yuuri hoped she would make it far in life after her time at the academy was done. He felt like if the dancing world had more genuine people like her then he'd feel more at ease as he tried to break into the industry himself.
"Yes, I'm starting to put together some choreography, but it's still in the early stages." Yuuri shrugged and could feel his cheeks heat up a bit that wasn't from the workout. "So, there's not much to see right now."
"I'm sure it will be great! I've always loved your choreography, when I've gotten a chance to see it during the end of the year shows." She practically gushed as she quickly glanced back to her group and saw that they were still warming up.
"T-thank you," Yuuri mumbled, not quite sure if Elena even heard him.
Turning to him once more she added, "By the way you're finishing classes in a few weeks right? You're so lucky!"
"Ah, yes, I'll be done with my education by the end of March, and then have a few months to work on my audition pieces. I guess that's the benefit of staying here during the summers and taking extra classes to graduate early." Yuuri explained as he glanced at his phone, showing the time was even later than before. "I'm sorry Elena, but I need to—"
"Oh right! You're moving out of the dorms today, right? I remember hearing about it from some of the other students." Elena started some of her own stretches as she continued to talk to Yuuri, seeming keen to keep their conversation going despite Yuuri's comment.
Yuuri nodded in affirmation. "Yeah, they were going to ask me to move out once I finished my classes anyway, so it doesn't matter if I move out a few weeks early. I'll still have access to the practice facilities, so I'm sure you'll see me around."
"Of course! You can't disappear on me now! I'm sure I'll need your advice for my footwork and sequences. Everyone knows you're the best when it comes to that kind of stuff!" Elena praised, which only made his face burn more. With a mischievous grin she added, "Word on the street is that you're moving in with someone!"
"Oh, um, yeah, uh, my b-boyfriend." Yuuri flustered over the words, still not used to saying them out loud to anyone. He was sure his face was on fire by now.
"Wow! I was just guessing! I didn't actually know you were dating anyone! Would I know them?"
The girl's curious and hopeful gaze was too strong for Yuuri to resist, so with a sigh he gave in. "I-I'm not sure if you would. He keeps to himself, and most other students don't know him. Um, it's still pretty new, we've only gone out for a few months. But he knew I would need a new place to live soon and asked if I wanted to move in with him. A-and, um, I agreed. It, uh, seemed right at the time, you know?"
Yuuri knew he was stumbling over his words. Hoping he made some sense and didn't sound like a complete idiot. Even though he felt very confident in his Russian after living in St Petersburg for six years, he still didn't feel sure enough to say he was fluent.
Elena's smile seemed to droop a little lower as her brows scrunched together almost in confusion at his words. Maybe his Russian wasn't clear enough and he did sound like an idiot? Oh God!
Before Yuuri could try to explain more, she spoke up. "OK, huh, that sounds…" She had a pensive look on her face like she wanted to say more, but she seemed to change her mind and smiled at Yuuri once more. "W-Well what's their name?"
"Anatoli Titov or he goes by Tolya a lot. He's in one of the fine arts programs for painting, so I don't think you would have run into him much."
The girl seemed to think about this and finally relented. "Yeah, I haven't heard of him. I don't know many people in those programs and rarely go to that side of the campus anyway. Well—"
"Elena, come on. We haven't got all day." One of the other girls from Elena's group interrupted with exasperation as annoyed expressions filled the faces of the rest of the group.
With a sigh, the beta looked apologetically at Yuuri. "I should get back to them. Good luck with everything Yuuri!"
Yuuri said bye and waved as Elena trotted over to be with the rest of her group. Gathering his bag and exchanging his ballet flats for his old worn tennis shoes, Yuuri headed out to the empty hallway. Most classes were done for the day. With it being Friday evening, many students would be getting dinner in the cafeteria or going out to experience the nightlife of downtown St. Petersburg.
Putting in his earbuds and pulling up a playlist from his phone, Yuuri jogged back to his dorm. He needed to finish packing a few more things before he brought everything over to the new apartment.
Trying to focus on the run ahead, Yuuri's thoughts kept going on and on, and wouldn't quiet down. The new apartment, Tolya, his schooling, his future career… All of it melting together into a hotpot of worries and fears as he second guessed all of his choices. Wondering if he was doing anything right in his life.
He was hoping to avoid all of this. With his anxiety running so high the past few days, Yuuri was practically spending all of his free time at the practice studios nonstop. Dancing of any kind, especially ballet, usually seemed to be the surest way to calm his tumultuous anxiety. But it seems like his workout today wasn't intense enough to keep the worried thoughts away. He really could have used a more calm mind for today too.
Looking back as he jogged, things always seemed easier when he was younger, but maybe that was just his nostalgia talking. Growing up in a sleepy seaside town of Hasetsu, Japan, Yuuri learned how to dance at the tender age of four at sensei Minako Okukawa's dance studio. She was an alpha friend of his mother since they went to high school together. And was basically like an aunt to Yuuri as he grew older.
With Yuuri being naturally shy around others, he always seemed to have a hard time socializing with children his own age. Minako took notice and encouraged Yuuri's mother to bring him to one of her beginner classes. As Yuuri stepped foot into the studio that late summer day, it was as if a whole new world had opened up to him. Minako showed him the ways of ballet and Yuuri was hooked from that day forward. His little four year old brain vowed to do ballet forever and wanted to perform with the best company in the world.
Yuuri absorbed everything he could about ballet over the years, even styles of dancing outside of ballet. His teacher showed him all the wonders of the dance world as he grew older like jazz, tap, step, ballroom, contemporary, and more.
Joining different shows and competitions over the years, Yuuri earned several awards and accolades as a child. Some even whispered the term prodigy around him, but Yuuri tried to ignore those notions. The pressure around those words were too much if he listened to it.
However, it wasn't enough for him to just ignore it. There was no escape for him. It seemed like the higher he climbed in his small successes, the higher his anxiety climbed with him always nipping at his heels.
Minako was the one to realize how bad it was for Yuuri when she found him almost passed out backstage before one of his performances, gasping for a full breath of air. She informed his family, who then in turn worked to get Yuuri the help he needed to manage the anxiety, so it wouldn't get in the way of his dream.
That dream was still guiding his path in life to this day as it had led him to living in St. Petersburg. Where one of the oldest and most prestigious ballet companies still thrived in the modern world, The Mariinsky Ballet. The company Yuuri would join one day and perform with, reaching the peak of the ballet world.
As the thoughts bubbled to the surface, Yuuri could see the Mariinsky Theater not far from him as he continued his jog through the academy campus. The looming iconic edifice of the century old building was the literal pinnacle of his life long journey to the top. All of his hard work and sacrifice leading him there.
Not yet, he thought, but I'm almost there.
At the age of sixteen, Yuuri's hard work and perseverance were rewarded with an invitation and full ride scholarship to study ballet in Russia with the opportunity at getting a higher education at the Vaganova Academy of the Arts and Russian Ballet. The school's ballet program accepted students as young as ten if they succeeded with their auditions, with most ballet students between eighteen and twenty-two earning college degrees in dance and Russian studies, like Yuuri.
Students at any age could audition during their education, but usually only the truly extraordinary ones made it into the troupe before finishing their schooling. The auditions were always hosted at the end of the school year in June. The judges for the auditions were ruthless and one mistake could cost you a spot in the ballet company.
Yuuri never felt confident enough to audition for the company and pushed it off every year. But at twenty-two and with him completing the educational side of his program to the fullest degree, he had no more excuses. He would have to audition this coming June if he wanted to be seriously considered. And after that… Well, he'd worry about that later.
Reflecting on his conversation with Elena from earlier just brought with it more conflicting thoughts on his future as he considered his more recent changes in his life over the past few months. His boyfriend.
Yuuri had met Tolya in a cafe outside of campus on a snowy afternoon before winter break. The Japanese man was studying for one of his class finals, and wanted to be away from campus for a bit.
The male omega didn't have a lot of close friends at school despite being there for almost six years. When all of your classmates were essentially your rivals who were all in pursuit of the same dream, it was hard to form close friendships with others. Yuuri supposed he could have tried to befriend others from the conservatory music programs or the fine arts programs that didn't conflict with ballet. But he was notoriously terrible at small talk and making decent connections with others.
Which was why he was surprised when Tolya approached him that day. Their conversation seemed easy as Tolya asked about Yuuri, and Yuuri in turn was able to keep the conversation going. He was more shocked to learn that Tolya was a student as well, even though Yuuri hadn't met him before.
The man was a beta who was twenty-four and completing a masters in one of the painting programs. He had seen Yuuri around campus and was intrigued to meet him. Tolya was about the same height as Yuuri, had dark brown eyes and jet black hair with a sharp nose and facial features. His scent as a beta was muted, but it had tones of a musky scent that Yuuri didn't mind. Looking very European with his dark black trench coat and dark green scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. At the same time, also very Russian as he wore a furry black ushanka on his head, with it being the peak of winter.
Yuuri had never really thought much about romantic relationships before, since he was always so focused on his schoolwork or dancing. So for one of the first times in his life, he was flattered and dared to even say he felt special that someone was paying such close attention to him. It was a new fluttering feeling that he'd never experienced before, feeling so seen. For most of his life outside of dancing he felt like a background ornament in most situations, only gaining some spotlight when he was on stage.
A few days after meeting they decided to hang out during the incoming winter break. They visited a winter market, sampled some local bakeries, visited a museum, and by the end of their third date they even held hands. Yuuri felt like a spoiled grade schooler with their new crush. It was terrifying, but also exhilarating for the omega.
The Japanese man was no stranger to what he looked like, an average man with plain black hair and ordinary brown eyes that most people on the planet had. He knew he was by no standards a "looker." His looks were nothing special, especially for a male omega, who tend to be seen and displayed as exotic beauties due to their rarity. But Yuuri had never bothered much with his outward appearance, besides when it was required for shows. Yuuri seemed to be a dime a dozen no matter where he went in those regards. Telling himself he was fine with that, even if it might have been a lie. But maybe with someone like Tolya all of that didn't matter.
Yuuri hated to admit it, but he was lonely here in Russia. He had been for so long. He missed his family terribly everyday. Phone calls were expensive and flights back home were even more so. Always snatching brief and fleeting moments when he called his parents once every few weeks to talk to them.
Plus being a scholarship student and only getting a small spending allowance from his parents to pay for meals, Yuuri didn't have the extra cash to visit home. The ache and longing to visit Hasetsu after being away for over six years still stung almost every day. Spending most holidays, birthdays, or any days off by himself. The attention Tolya brought to his life was like a balm to his tender wounds. Giving him hope that his lonely days were almost coming to an end.
By the end of winter break, they had seen each other very regularly. Always outside of campus since Tolya wanted a break from school life, which Yuuri understood all too well. Tolya was often forgetful, missing his wallet or losing his keys, and Yuuri had to pay for most of their dates. He never blamed Tolya and didn't fault him for the mistakes, since Yuuri could be forgetful at times as well. Anyways, Tolya usually paid him back… eventually.
Yuuri felt like their connection was growing deeper as they got to know each other more, but for the physicality of their relationship it never went beyond holding hands or a chaste kiss on the cheek. It wasn't that Yuuri was one of those needy omegas, always craving physical contact with their partners, but a part of Yuuri was frustrated that things were moving slowly. Shouldn't things be moving faster than this? They were both young, early twenty-somethings and that should count for something, right? Those frustrating thoughts entered Yuuri's mind more and more as their time together increased.
Too embarrassed to bring up the topic however, Yuuri let it be for the time being. Hoping that maybe living together might give them the opportunity to explore more. But the tiny voice in the back of his head that would never let anything go, voiced Yuuri's deeper fears. That Tolya didn't feel as strongly for Yuuri as he did, and that was why things weren't progressing.
But if that's the case, why would he ask to live together? Yuuri would counter his own points and arguments over and over, but it never truly felt like any debate in his mind was ever settled.
Leaving things as they were seemed to be for the best for the moment. But as soon as winter break ended and school started up again, they both got too busy to meet up in person.
They would try to make plans but at the last minute one or both would cancel. It got to the point where Tolya proposed that they keep their relationship online with calls and texts temporarily until their schedules both freed up. Yuuri agreed with a heavy heart, his anxious thoughts almost wondering if Tolya was bored with him already and was trying to find a way out. Trying to ignore the constant insecurities was about all he could do, less they try to shatter his heart into a million pieces.
After almost two months of not seeing each other since winter break, Tolya offered the idea of them renting a place together. Yuuri latched onto it like a lifeline. He agreed wholeheartedly without a thought, and Tolya seemed surprised that Yuuri was so excited. Tolya told him not to worry about anything and that he would find a place and get everything together.
Yuuri had never lived outside of the dorms, so the anticipation of living somewhere new in St Petersburg was enticing. All Yuuri had to do was sign the lease agreement with Tolya and move his stuff in. It was easy enough and Yuuri could follow those directions as he counted down the days.
He finally met up with Tolya a few days ago, seeing him in person for the first time since winter break, in the same cafe where they first met. Tolya had found a great apartment that was newly renovated and within budget. He sent Yuuri lots of pictures from the listing. Yuuri appreciated all of the work Tolya put in, since Yuuri didn't have a chance to visit the apartment himself with his school work and practice in full swing after the break.
The Japanese man skimmed and read through most of the papers of the agreement Tolya brought. It all seemed fairly standard as he read it, though he wasn't very familiar with Russian rental and lease agreements. Nothing egregious stood out to him as he double checked the more technical Russian words he didn't often see everyday. After he was satisfied that everything was in order, he signed all of the documents next to Tolya's signature.
Unfortunately, Tolya couldn't stay much longer after Yuuri signed the papers, claiming to have to go to the bank and make everything official. Yuuri didn't mind and Tolya said they could move in at the end of the week on Friday. The day Yuuri had been so diligently waiting for.
Opening the door to his single room dorm as he panted from his long jog around campus was but a short reprieve. All of his waiting, and it was finally time. The place he called his own for the past six years was coming to an end. His whole life could be packed into this single bedroom as he walked in. It all felt so small in comparison to where he was going next.
Blank cream colored walls with a few stray posters taped to them were the only things left to decorate the room. Two large suitcases lying in the middle of the room were almost packed full with clothing items, books, personal accessories, toiletries, and more. A pale wooden desk cleared of his laptop and school supplies. An empty closet that used to be full of sweaters, glittering costumes, leotards, piles of chiffon and tulle fabrics for shows over the years, all packed in garment bags. The single twin sized bed that was squished against one of the walls was stripped of all of its bedding.
Being one of the few rare male omegas in the academy ballet program, Yuuri was allowed to switch back and forth between traditional male and female roles. Depending on the views of the director and what would fit the show program the best. The Japanese man was even trained in pointe work, which was rare for most male ballerinas. He wore all kinds of dancing attire that one could imagine from traditional tutus, tailored suits, dresses of all kinds to truly bizarre avant-garde costumes.
He didn't really care one way or another. Clothes were just clothes to Yuuri, and he would wear whatever was comfortable for him regardless of others' opinions. But most days he just wore dance clothes underneath sweaters or hoodies with sweatpants or jeans.
Walking over to pack the last few items he had left out for the day, Yuuri glanced at the few posters still hanging up. Many of them were famous dancers and ballerinas that had inspired him over the years. He carefully took each one off of the wall and packed them safely away in his bags one by one.
As Yuuri took a final look over, he saw one last poster was stuck to the back of the closet door. His eyes went wide as he gazed at the old faded poster that he carefully peeled off the surface. Astonished that he had almost forgotten and left this one behind.
It was one of the few personal things he brought from Japan when he moved here at sixteen. Quite faded and brittle to the touch since it wasn't printed on the best quality of poster paper. The oldest poster in Yuuri's collection by far, but still had a gleam to it in the right light. The worn relic wasn't meant to last such a long time, but year after year it seemed to hold on and Yuuri didn't have the heart to let it go.
The poster displayed a Russian teenager gazing up at him with large crystal blue eyes, a dashing smile, and long silver hair that trailed behind him like a stream of silver moonlight. He was breathtaking even after all these years later, despite his image and memory slowly fading from Yuuri's recollection.
When he was ten years old, Yuuri remembers sitting in front of an old static CRT TV at Minako's studio one spring day. They were watching the Junior World Championships for figure skating. It was Yuuri's first taste of the skating world. Minako wanted Yuuri to observe the young up and coming skaters and watch their grace and elegance on the ice. Maybe even have the young boy gain some inspiration from the other skaters for his own craft.
Yuuri had never seen anything like the routines that he saw on TV, and he was amazed from the first moment. He knew there used to be an ice rink in their town. But as business in Hasetsu dried up over the decades, the rink couldn't survive and closed down when he was a toddler.
When a silver haired teenager came on screen to do his performances, Yuuri felt like his breath was stolen right out of his lungs. The teenager was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen, perhaps even to this day as Yuuri thought back to that performance. The grainy TV tried to display the Russian skater in all of his glory as best it could.
The way he made the music his own, his powerful jumps and technicality were unmatched at the competition. And yet, despite the power that he held within his body, he still oozed endless grace and poise in every motion he did on the ice. Yuuri was instantly captivated by him like a muse from mythical legends.
He remembered hearing Minako chuckle softly at the awestruck boy. Yuuri wasn't bothered as he soaked up each second of screen time they gave the Russian boy. It was no surprise to Yuuri when the silver haired teenager won the championship and was awarded gold for his performances. Yuuri was overjoyed and talked about the boy's wins for days afterwards to everyone in his family.
When Minako told him the boy was moving up to the Senior Division in the fall and they could see him again on TV, Yuuri felt like he was over the moon. He still worked on dancing and was basically at Minako's studio everyday during that summer patiently waiting for the figure skating season to begin.
Some days he would practice the Russian skater's winning free skate in the studio. Switching moves for ones he could do on a wooden floor instead of on a sheet of ice. Sometimes experimenting on his own with his own sequences and routines. He dedicated most of his summer to copying all of the moves from memory or looking up low resolution videos online if he could find them. He was even able to find other performances that the teenager did during their previous years in Juniors.
Before the skating season started, Minako surprised Yuuri with the poster. The one that traveled all the way to Russia with him. The picture depicted the teen in the middle of his free skate performance clad in his black lacy costume with clear and silver crystals adorned on the chest and hips, with the red half skirt flaring out as he moved across the ice.
Looking at the poster now, Yuuri was fairly certain that Minako had just found a picture online. Then had the local print shop blow up the picture and print it on poster paper. There was no way the old poster was official merchandise.
When the participants for the Senior Division for skating were announced for that season, Yuuri was bouncing on his toes as Minako checked the ISU's main website for the skaters. Her brows furrowed as she refreshed the page several times, Yuuri starting to feel anxious that something was wrong.
Minako broke the news softly that the teenager wouldn't be in Seniors that year or likely ever. He wasn't registered for the ISU's Men's Senior Division and she couldn't find any information on him online. It was like he'd just disappeared from the world. Like an elusive fae creature that came to dance in the mortal plane and enchant creatures from all around for one night, only to vanish the next morning.
Yuuri was devastated for several days. Too depressed and upset at the fact that he'll never see the silver haired teen perform again. But as time passed, Yuuri slowly forgot about the other boy and moved on as one does in life.
The Japanese man could hardly even remember the figure skater's name after over twelve years. It seemed to be on the tip of his tongue but no matter how hard he thought about it, his mind came up blank. Perhaps Yuuri had even passed by the teenager, who was definitely an adult by now, on the street while he'd been living here. He may never know, but the idea brought a small smile to his face.
His thumb rubbed over the glossy finish of one of the frayed corners. Maybe that time when he was ten was his first real taste of heartbreak. The idea of losing someone who meant so much to him, even though he never truly knew that person or even met them. Something small inside him hurt at the idea of that thought, so he pushed it aside for now.
Wiping the corner of one eye, Yuuri wasn't even entirely sure why he even brought this poster with him to St Petersburg when he moved here. It was the only poster he brought from home, the rest he bought from different shops in the city. Perhaps the figure skating poster was just a reminder of a more simple time for him. He couldn't be sure of his thought process from years ago on why he first brought it. But he would keep bringing the poster with him wherever he went. If anything, maybe it could be a good luck charm to encourage him, he thought as he packed it away with the rest of his belongings.
With everything finally packed, Yuuri put on his backpack and gathered his two suitcases. Standing in the doorway he gazed somberly at the room, now empty and bare as if Yuuri was never even there in the first place. He said a quiet goodbye in Japanese as he turned off the lights and closed the door behind himself.
Rolling the bags down the hall, Yuuri made his way outside as the wind picked up, blowing against his coat. He headed towards the bus station as he pulled up directions on his phone to the apartment address that Tolya sent Yuuri a few days before. Worry was starting to swirl in Yuuri's gut as he still hadn't heard from Tolya yet. Yuuri's multiple messages to get a hold of him were left unanswered.
"Everything is fine, Yuuri. You know he's busy. J-Just trust that he'll be there." Yuuri repeated to himself under his breath over and over as he waited for the correct bus to arrive. Though whether the repeated mantra was enough for his anxiety remained to be seen. He piled onto the bus once it arrived, which was rather empty for an early Friday evening, and sat with his luggage in wait.
The old metal bus lurched forward as it rejoined the downtown traffic. Keeping his luggage close to him, he let his head tip over to the glass as he stared out the window listlessly watching streets go by. Familiar sights and buildings made Yuuri tune out the outside scenery as he tried to will his mind to go blank. If just for a while as he was on the bus.
As time ticked by, Yuuri startled in his seat as the scenery took a drastic turn. He was becoming less familiar with the area around him. A sinking feeling of nausea began to swirl in his abdomen that he'd gotten onto the wrong bus and was heading in the wrong direction. The bus ambled on, unperturbed by his plight, as it entered parts of the city that Yuuri knew he shouldn't be at, especially by himself.
"This can't be right." He mumbled as he pulled up the directions on his phone again. Silently pleading that he was wrong and the bus would quickly make a turn and leave this area.
But his heart sank to his feet when he saw that the directions were correct, and he was quickly approaching his stop. The bus was almost empty except for him and the driver as Yuuri frantically looked around. He was clenching his phone so tightly to try to stop his hands from shaking with nerves.
Pulling to a slow stop on the side of the road, Yuuri reluctantly gathered his things and headed towards the exit passing the driver on his way out of the front door.
Even the bus driver seemed uneasy with Yuuri getting off in this area. "You sure you'll be alright?" The driver said in gruff Russian as he scratched his salt-n-pepper beard momentarily.
"U-um, y-yes, thank you. I-I'm meeting someone nearby." Yuuri stuttered the first few words as he tried to give the driver a reassuring smile, but it felt more like a grimace. The driver hummed as he gave Yuuri a firm nod watching him exit the bus.
Bracing himself, Yuuri glanced at his phone and quickly headed off in the direction he needed. Keeping his head down, he practically sprinted down the dark streets with his luggage as he arrived closer to his destination. He hoped, no, prayed, that there was some mistake, or that he would feel relieved once he got to the apartment building, which would look more like what Tolya promised.
Stopping in front of a large run down gray and brown cement building, Yuuri wanted to cry as he felt like he'd just stepped directly into a post-apocalyptic dystopian film. Yuuri's hopes that this was all a mistake were dashed as he checked the address of the building with his directions, seeing them match perfectly. He was teetering on the edge of almost full blown panic now.
The plaster on the sides were crumbling in places, graffiti all along the walls filled with profanity, windows were busted out or boarded up, screams and yells could be heard from other tenants in the area. The other buildings weren't much better with garbage strewn all over the streets, broken glass bottles, used needles and all kinds of filth in between everywhere. The sights all around him were overwhelming and horrific. The smells that would drift towards him as the wind picked up, churned his sensitive stomach and almost made him retch.
Making his way inside through the iron barred door, Yuuri noticed a lack of elevators in the dingy outdated entry area. The unit was a basement unit according to the address. One of the lights in the tiny entryway kept flickering on and off, hurting his eyes from the strobe effect. Yuuri spotted the stairs along a side wall and lugged his bags down the stairs. A sickly green light illuminated the bare concrete walls of the basement hallway as Yuuri made his way down towards apartment door number B12 at the end.
Yuuri scrunched his eyes shut to try to stop tears from clouding them. He remembered the pictures Tolya had sent just a few days ago of the nice apartment and the updated building, but so far nothing was matching or making any sense in his head. This has to be a mistake…
He could hear his breaths now, loud and labored. Why hadn't he looked more into the apartment when Tolya sent him the address? Do his own research? The answer to those questions tasted like bile in Yuuri's mouth once he admitted it to himself. Because he trusted Tolya when he said he would take care of everything, find some place nice for the both of them. That trust was feeling more and more fragile with each step Yuuri took towards the end of the hall. Finally stopping in front of the door of his supposed new apartment. Dread and panic just simmering below the surface.
He should just leave right now. But… but where would he go?
It was getting later and later by the moment, and he couldn't go back to campus. He'd already turned in his keys and signed waivers stating he knew he was moving out early, and a spot for him wouldn't be guaranteed. Yuuri didn't have any close friends that he could reach out to for help or a place to stay. He was… alone and on his own.
Fist raised in the air to knock on the door, Yuuri heard the presence of voices on the other side. Voices? Yuuri thought in confusion. He expected Tolya, but who else would be here? Reaching for the doorknob to find it unlocked, Yuuri peered inside hesitantly making his way inside.
"H-hello?" He called out tentatively as he stepped inside further to see Tolya on the phone speaking in harsh Russian as he paced what Yuuri was appalled to admit was the living area.
The carpet was faded gray with numerous scuffs and tears throughout it, dozens of cigarette burns in the old fabric as well. A dark green suede couch was pushed against the wall, which also had rips in it and so many stains. There were other random odd furniture spread throughout the room that also looked tattered and aged.
As a basement unit, the only windows were small frosted square panes that were up by the ceiling. Presumably you could see the street level on the other side. But they were so crusted with dirt and grime that it seemed impossible to look through them, let alone for much light to filter in.
Parts of the off white drywall were crumbling in the corners or had dents, like someone had tried to punch a hole in it. There were water stains in almost all of the corners leaving brown streaks all over the walls. Pieces of trash and leftover food containers were everywhere. Which mixed with the already musty mildew smells already present in the apartment to create an odor that was truly horrendous.
Tolya seemed on edge, agitated, and quite frazzled. States of being Yuuri had never seen him in. Yuuri took in the sight of him pacing the room on the phone, still not acknowledging Yuuri's presence.
When Yuuri took a closer look at him, he was startled at what he saw. The first thing Yuuri noticed was the large and blatant tattoo of a bird he didn't recognize on the side of Tolya's neck. Then Yuuri saw his arms were littered with tattoos as well with his sleeves pushed up. Different symbols, Cyrillic lettering, and animals all mostly in black ink covering almost all of his pale skin.
Yuuri didn't even know he had any tattoos. Was he hiding this from me? Was he covering up his tattoos? Why? Then the scariest thought of all. What else is he hiding? Who… who is this man?
Yuuri couldn't remember a time where he was so scared and actively feared for his life. Everything in his body screamed at him to run, keep running and never look back. But it was as if his body was frozen in place, unable to move any further. He was foolish to make such an impulsive decision to live with someone he barely knew. He wasn't safe here and he didn't know this man, this stranger.
Tolya finally ended his call, and yelled through an open door off on the other side of the room. "Tanya, come on, we need to go!" A female voice in the other room answered him with an affirmative.
Turning to see Yuuri standing in the doorway, Tolya sighed out, "Shit, right, you're here now. Damn."
"W-What?" Yuuri answered in shock, his voice barely above a whisper. He felt like he was losing feeling in his feet and legs at this point from all of the whiplash of everything. Taking a breath, Yuuri tried again, "Tolya, w-what's going on?"
Before the beta could answer him, a woman in a dark brown fur coat with voluminous red curly hair stepped out from the other room, immediately glaring at Yuuri. Her copious amounts of noxious perfume masked any of her natural scent, so Yuuri had no idea of her dynamic.
"Oh good, the suka (bitch) is here." She practically spat at Yuuri, who was taken aback by the insult. "We can go now, right? I don't want to spend one more minute in this godforsaken apartment now that we're out."
"Tanya, wait outside please. I just need a few words with Yuuri." Tolya sighed as if he was very used to the woman's, Tanya's, rude attitude.
She practically shoved Yuuri out of the doorway as she made her way out. She called back from down the hallway that she was ordering a cab. Yuuri just stopped himself from tumbling to the ground on his weak legs by grabbing hold of the door frame.
"Sorry, Tanya, can be—"
"Who is she? And why haven't you gotten back to me today? I've called and messaged you so many times." Yuuri said loudly with a scowl, almost surprised at his own raised voice, stopping whatever Tolya wanted to say.
Tolya's stunned look was only for a moment before it returned to his state of annoyance from earlier. "She's my wife. We've been married for a few years now."
Yuuri's mouth was agape at this. His brain screeched to a halt as he just stared at the other man. "Y-You're joking, right?" The words barely tumbled past his lips in a wheezing breath.
"Look, Yuuri, surely you've caught on to what's going on here. Don't make me spell it out." Tolya sighed and rubbed his forehead tiredly, like Yuuri was the problem here.
"N-no, what do you mean? Tolya, I— I'm so confused. What—"
"You've been conned, scammed, cat-fished, whatever you'd want to call it!" Tolya yelled, stopping any other words Yuuri might have uttered. He continued, "That's what me and Tanya do. We're con artists. You were an easy mark from the first day I saw you—"
"An eas— A mark? But—" Yuuri was running his hands through his hair now, trying to slow the million thoughts running through his brain. When they first met, all of their dates or hang outs, their conversations on the phone, all of it was… a lie?
Tolya probably wasn't even a student or had even been to the academy. No wonder Yuuri never saw him on campus or why no one recognized him if Yuuri mentioned his name. It all made shocking sense, but that wasn't the worst of Yuuri's problems at the moment.
"You fit the profile of an easy con to the letter. I was surprised you hadn't been duped before. A foreigner, living by himself, lonely, hyper fixated on an academic goal, zero friends or local support network. It was almost too easy, I couldn't believe it." Tolya snorted with a scowl as he spoke such hurtful words to Yuuri, piercing straight to his heart.
He wanted to refute those statements, say anything back, but the words seemed to die on his tongue. I-It's all true, he was right, Yuuri's treacherous brain echoed back. All of the insecurities that Yuuri harbored secretly were all visible to a complete stranger like Tolya. His isolation and loneliness…
"But— but you didn't take money from me, I'm a scholarship student, with little extra funds—" Yuuri stopped in his tracks as he gasped when he realized his mistake. Why Tolya was probably building up trust with Yuuri in the first place. "T-The p-paperwork! W-What did you make me sign!?"
"Just your standard leasing agreement, like I promised. But I may have taken a few liberties after you signed it." Tolya shrugged as his eyes darted to the side knowingly.
Yuuri scrambled past him to the kitchen off to the side where packets of papers were spread out on a dark wooden rickety table. Yuuri started rifling through the papers frantically. None of these papers were the ones that Yuuri signed, nothing was recognizable to him.
All of the sheets had exorbitant amounts of money printed on them, all of varying amounts from what looked like different vendors. But the most truly horrifying thing on the papers was Yuuri's signature at the bottom of each page. His signature promised that he was the new guarantor for what he was now assuming was Tolya and Tanya's debts. He never signed these, where— how…
"How could you do this!" He turned towards the traitor with tears clinging to his eyes, not quite falling yet.
For almost a moment, there was a brief spark of what seemed like remorse on Tolya's face, before it was masked by a scowl once more. "Look, Yuuri, I don't have to explain anything to you. This is just how life is. It's nothing personal."
"Nothing p— Y-You've ruined me!" Yuuri shouted in anger. This was probably the first time in his life that he was truly angry at someone.
"Ruined?" Tolya laughed, like he was now enjoying this back and forth game between them. Seeing Yuuri upset and riled up. "Now, Yuuri, that's a strong word."
"Stop— stop saying my name!"
Tolya tsked as he took a step closer to Yuuri. "Now, now, if I really wanted to ruin you, I would have fucked you for all you're worth. Broke you down bit by bit, and then nobody would have wanted you as a worthless discarded used omega."
The implication and dark words struck terror into the core of Yuuri's heart. He wasn't going to- to-
Yuuri tried to back up to get some distance from this man. The man that Yuuri thought was sweet and genuine at one time but was only now showing himself as the true monster that he was. Gazing at Yuuri's fear and relishing in it. Yuuri's back hit the kitchen sink and he couldn't back up anymore.
Yuuri was shaking as he crumpled the papers in his hands on reflex, his breaths labored and harsh as his chest rose and fell quickly. There was a roaring in his ears as he felt like his lungs were on fire. He couldn't seem to catch his breath. There were colorful spots appearing on the sides of his vision as he kept his gaze on Tolya. He couldn't let this man out of sight. Yuuri needed to stay conscious if he was going to protect himself. He couldn't let the anxiety overwhelm him and pass out now.
Tolya seemed to soak up Yuuri's image before removing his gaze and letting out another sigh, "But, nobody said I wasn't a nice guy. And despite what it might seem like, I am devoted to my wife."
Yuuri stood motionless, holding in wait as Tolya continued. "Speaking of, I should get back to her. No doubt she's outside with the cab already. We're off to celebrate our new found financial freedom."
Making his way out towards the doorway, he turned back towards Yuuri from the doorway. "Enjoy the debt Yuuri, I know I didn't!" With a cruel laugh he added, "Feel free to stay and use the apartment, I mean it's technically yours now."
Those final words were all Yuuri heard as Tolya slammed the apartment door shut. The sound echoed in the tiny apartment, like the lid of Yuuri's coffin had just been nailed shut. His legs gave out at that moment as his eyes filled with tears fully running down his face, sobbing uncontrollably. Crying so hard he couldn't breath, couldn't think, couldn't imagine what to do next, how could he fix this, was this even fixable?
The questions tumbled in his brain over and over, grinding against each other, as Yuuri continued to cry. Wiping his eyes and nose to rid himself of the leaking fluids, but more just replaced them. The colors and spots were encroaching around his vision until it was almost black. Yuuri was suddenly so tired. So tired…
He couldn't fight it anymore and just wanted one moment of peace. Embracing the nothingness that seemed to be promised to him for just a few brief moments, soon all he felt and saw was nothing.