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The once-blue sky is now tinted an awful shade of burnt orange and the dust in the air is so unbearably thick she can taste it with every laborious inhale. The wedding gown feels incredibly tight and suffocating around her waist, constricting her breathing. The cacophony of screams permeates the air, sounds of swords slashing and guns firing as citizens scramble, buildings collapsing and causing thunderous booms to echo across the desecrated remains of what was once her home, the air smells of death, stagnant and heavy.
But the thing that’s actually stealing all the air from her lungs is the figure floating right behind her, holding her arms so tight she feels the bruises taking shape.
She fights and thrashes as much as her fatigued mind and body will allow, but she’s reeling from a well-aimed hit to the head, blood from her temple tinting her vision red, and the sight of her family’s bloody, unmoving bodies strewn about the courtyard has so many tears streaming down her face it makes her vision blur.
Jay’s about five paces in front of her, kicking and yelling and fighting against the three pirates it’s taking to even somewhat control his thrashing, manhandling him as he sobs and curses at Nadakhan who’s smiling wickedly down at the two of them. He looks so much worse than Nya last remembers; he’s so gaunt and pale and covered in mottled bruises and bleeding from so many cuts and gashes and his pupils are uneven and his right ankle is bent the wrong way, and yet the injuries don’t prevent him from fighting with everything he has, unlike her.
Jay glares at the djinn as he cries, screaming what might as well be bloody murder, “What did you do?! What did you do, you sick- No no no!!! You killed them!! Why would you, how could you?!!”
She’s passed off to another pirate, her sobs and pleas ignored, Nadakhan floating towards Jay as one of the pirates swipes a leg under Jay’s feet, sending him to his knees on the ground with a stifled grunt. The same pirate gags him with a dirty bandana from his belt, tying it around Jay’s head with more force than necessary, probably to ensure he doesn’t try to make a wish.
Jay doesn’t stop his thrashing, even as his screams are muffled and Nadakhan lifts his chin with his hook.
He sneers down at Jay with an evil smirk, “It’s finally time for you to realize I’ve beaten you, my little canary.” Jay curses a muffled sob, shaking his head vigorously with tears streaming down his face.
“Don’t you dare call him that!” Nya snarls through her tears, but Nadakhan only glances at her with a bored and irritated frown.
“Patience, my love,” he chastises, as if she’s nothing more than a misbehaving child, “I’ll deal with you in a moment.”
He turns back to Jay, grabbing a fistful of his hair and positioning the sharp point of his hook at the base of Jay’s neck. Jay starts to hyperventilate as Nadakhan chuckles sadistically. “I am big enough to admit you gave me quite the challenge, putting up such a fight, but it was useless in the end, now wasn’t it? You lose, junkyard boy.” He leans down, lips ghosting just next to Jay’s ear and whispering something Nya can’t hear.
Jay lets out a final sob… and then Nadakhan slices his throat with his hook in one swift motion.
Nya shrieks.
She feels the pirate restraining her flinch at the sheer volume of her screams, the screams that can only be described as pure agony, fighting even harder against the arms holding her back to get to Jay, as the latter coughs and chokes around the gag on his own blood.
He sputters for a few short moments, mismatched eyes blown wide in shock and hands instinctively trying to reach for the wound to stop the bleeding, and then he stops struggling altogether, the pirates finally dropping his arms and letting him fall to the desert floor, unmoving.
“Gods, finally,” one of the pirates who had been restraining Jay chuckles, “little brat had it comin’.”
Nya’s head drops in defeat, the hyperventilating making her tremble, falling on her hands and knees when the arms gripping hers fall away, sobs unceasing as Nadakhan laughs.
“I did promise to slit his throat right in front of you, didn’t I, Nya?”
No.
“Or, should I say, Delara?”
No, this isn’t right.
This isn’t how it happened…
Jay… Jay saved her, saved her family, saved everyone… he wasn’t, Nadakhan didn’t win, what’s going on?
This isn’t happening, this can’t be happening because it already happened and… and…
She’s not…
She’s not twenty-five anymore, she’s fifteen again, and instead of beating the malevolent psychopath who only wanted her as a tool, a means to an end, Nadakhan just killed her entire family right in front of her, and now she’s all alone with him, and he’s grabbing her face and waist and he’s too close and she can smell the cologne and he’s kissing her neck and she screams…
—
Nya’s screams follow her as she enters consciousness again, feeling the hands on her body and a fire in her chest. Her pale blue eyes dart around her room, trying to convince her brain she isn’t where she thinks she is.
She’s not in the courtyard of the Airjitzu Temple, she’s not in a wedding dress, she’s not fifteen anymore, and she’s not being held back by him…
No, she’s in her room at the Monastery, wearing an old t-shirt and sweatpants, and there’s no one in here besides herself. She coughs several times, chest rattling as her breathing makes those deridingly familiar wheezing noises, burying her face in her hands and feeling the residual tears she doesn’t remember crying on her cheeks.
It takes her a few agonizingly long moments before she can get her heart rate to slow, having to keep glancing around at things in her room to ground herself, and as a reminder she’s safe, because the person she would normally rely on to help her hasn’t slept in the same bed with her in years. She focuses on the pictures hanging on the walls, her favorite spear, a gift from Kai as he practiced his blacksmithing skills, mounted next to her bed, the blue sheets her feet are tangled in, and the slightly ajar tidal-wave-patterned curtains allowing the moonlight to filter in through the darkness.
You’re fine, she tells herself, Nadakhan’s not here, the guys are alive, and Jay’s…
She doesn’t let herself finish that thought, or she’ll start wheezing again.
Nya runs her fingers through her tangled hair, assessing it’s probably time for a hair cut, (she likes it long, but not that long), and feeling her chest burn in a way it hasn’t in years. She pulls down the collar of her sleep shirt to get a better look at her scar, it’s faded some over the years, not as bright of a green, nor as prominent as it used to be when it first appeared, but still very much there. It’s puffy and irritated in the way scars get when an old injury is aggravated. Nya sighs to herself and rubs it gently, trying to soothe away the pain originating from it.
Once the burning subsides enough for her to manage, she gets up and decides to take a walk to dispel all the nervous energy in her bones, still reeling from the images burned into her eyelids. So she slides her bare feet into a pair of old slippers, quietly opens her door, tiptoeing out of her room, and begins walking down the hall with no particular destination in mind.
They’d only returned from the tournament yesterday, so they’re all still pretty wired from the previous battle and the consequences left with it. She’d practically expected to have less than pleasant dreams, rarely do they ever have anything less than a night terror immediately post mission, but she doesn’t understand why she had to have a nightmare about that.
Okay, yeah, she has a few guesses, but still.
Sure, the nightmares about the alternate timeline never completely went away, but she hasn’t had a dream about Nadakhan in forever, and even when she does occasionally have them, they’re never so vivid and real anymore like they were in the beginning.
Nya’s not so used to them anymore, so it’s jarring, and it’s shaking her up more than she wants to admit.
You don’t have Jay to help you through it this time.
Nya doesn’t let herself think about that.
After aimlessly roaming the halls and staring at the floor for who knows how long, she finds her feet have subconsciously brought her standing in front of Jay’s old room, scoffing to herself in mild annoyance. This isn’t really where she planned on going, and it’s probably not good for her at the moment. The shoji doors are dusty, like they haven’t been touched in years a while, his ridiculously colorful movie and video game posters still taped on the surface.
She doesn’t know what possesses her to go in, but the next thing she knows, she’s standing in Jay’s empty room.
His bed is made, dark blue sheets neatly pressed with the pillows arranged evenly and his childhood teddy bear in the center, clothes folded and put away in his dresser, his old tinkering projects long forgotten, his tools are all in their proper place for once, and just like his door, everything is covered in a light layer of dust.
It’s like no one lives here.
Which, Nya guessed was true.
It’s just another hard truth she has to swallow. Besides, what’s one more than the thousand she’s had to digest in the past few days alone?
Jay’s always hated being alone. It kills her to think it’s probably all he is right now. That’s probably been Jay’s only constant since The Merge. Just crippling loneliness and people exploiting and manipulating him for their own personal gain.
Nya wants to be sick.
Since their match at the tournament, she’s only allowed herself to think about all the good memories she has with him to keep herself sane while she and Kai come up with a game plan for how to start their search. Like their botched first date at Mega Monster Amusement Park. And the hundreds of late nights spent together after the time reversal. Or the time they danced together in Prime Empire. And the day he promised he’d love her forever as they danced during a training exercise while the others watched awkwardly from the sidelines. And like the first time he told her he loved her while they were all in the hospital after defeating Garmadon and Harumi, when they were both in hospital gowns, and she was doped up on so many pain meds after shoulder surgery, yet he still looked at her like she hung the stars.
“And I will always hate you.”
She cringes as the memory flashes through her mind.
Nya has a million good memories and then some with Jay, so why is it that this is what her brain keeps focusing on?!
Because all the good is in the past, and she’s here in the present, where Jay looks at her with more hatred than she ever thought possible.
He’d looked different, but the same. He was slightly taller, but still an inch or so shorter than her, thinner than she remembered, and somewhat scruffy. But his eyes were the same. One blue and one brown, yet there was no trace of any of the love he once had for her.
Jay truly didn’t recognize her.
She never thought he’d be capable of looking at anyone like that, with so much contempt and bitterness, let alone her, and yet here they are.
It’s times like these where she wonders if he knew how much she loved him, before he lost his memory.
Even after getting to the point where she could say it back, she never did it often, preferring to show her love for him with little gestures and quality time like she always had. She just wasn’t used to hearing it, or having it thrown around so nonchalantly yet genuinely at the same time, so it took a bit, but she finally told him outright the night after their battle with the Overlord, after she was brought back from the sea. And Jay understood.
At least, she thinks he did.
Never in her life has she regretted not saying something more.
“I love you. I will always love you.”
Nya brushes away the tear that trails down her cheek.
Too late, always too late.
She sits down on Jay’s bed, grabbing Mr. Cuddlywamp and squeezing the plushy as tight as she can. She finds herself staring at the picture framed on his nightstand, it’s the one of her and him soon after their battle with the Oni. After he’d gotten down on one knee and asked her to be his other half. In the picture, the two are standing in front of the Monastery doors, arms linked with their heads resting on each other, and holding their respective Yin/Yang medallions together to form the complete symbol.
FSM, she misses her Yin.
What she wouldn’t give to have him back and safe and happy and not amnesia-ridden.
After everything they’ve been through together, this just can’t be how it’s supposed to end. She and Jay didn’t survive psychotic genies, revenge-ridden video games, and an ancient storm deity just for it to be over like this.
Nya won’t accept it.
Jay has never once given up on her, even after she gave him more than a million reasons to, so she sure as hell isn’t giving up on him.
And she will never admit this to anybody, it’s a secret she’s one-hundred percent taking to the grave, but she’s a little embarrassed and ashamed of herself to say she might’ve had a thought or two about trying to locate a certain teapot to fix everything, but thankfully she caught herself before those thoughts went anywhere.
Wishes never solved anything.
Not even to mention the consequences and buried trauma that would trudge up, Jay would never forgive her for that, who’s to say he’ll ever forgive you now, but sue her, she gets a little impulsive when she’s stir crazy.
On second thought, maybe that’s why she had that dream.
Karma, serves her right.
A slight draft blows from the ceiling vent, sending chills down her back. Not wanting to walk all the way back to her room, she sets down the old plush, and trudges over to Jay’s dresser. She grabs the first sweatshirt she sees. It’s blue, like most of his clothing, with a giant yellow lightning bolt on the front, the words ‘shocked to see me?!’ printed in bold, obnoxious lettering on the back.
With a heavy sniff, she pulls the hoodie over her head, taking in the smell of her Yin, and forces herself to leave his room before she can start crying.
She decides to head for the courtyard for some fresh air to clear her mind, stopping by each room just to make sure everyone else is at least here and alright.
Lloyd is first, his room being closest to Jay’s. She pops her head in to see her little brother tossing and turning like normal, the beginnings of a nightmare starting, probably. She steps in briefly to run a hand through his long blond hair, (he needs a haircut, too), glancing bitterly at the white bandages peeking out from his hoodie covering the stab wound courtesy of Zeatrix on his chest that’s still healing. She whispers a few calming words, then he immediately settles. Once she’s sure he seems okay enough, she heads for the next room.
Zane is sound asleep in his bed, she can hear his processors thrumming evenly, and he’s holding a framed picture of Pixal tightly against his chest, making Nya’s heart clench. She could hear Cole’s snoring a mile away, so she knows he’s okay, but a quick glance inside his room reveals he and Geo sleeping soundly as they cuddle. Sora is also somewhat peacefully sleeping on the air mattress in the kids’ makeshift bedroom that is the common room, also restless from the day’s events, though Nya can hardly blame her, and Wyldfyre is snoring almost as loudly as Cole, curled up next to Riyu. Cole’s kids are nuzzled together in sleeping bags on the floor, clinging to Bonzle like the two younger are afraid she’ll disappear.
The Monastery has quite literally never been more full, yet Nya feels like it’s emptier than ever.
That only leaves one other person unaccounted for, but when she checks her brother’s room, he’s nowhere to be found.
She lets out a heavy sigh, already taking a guess as to where Kai has wandered to at this time of night, and makes her way outside after brewing a cup of tea to calm her nerves.
Nya emerges from the Monastery’s doors leading to the courtyard, finally catching her breath as the frigid night air hits her face and the burning in her chest subsides completely. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds for her to see she’s not alone. Her brother is sitting on the steps of the main entrance, back towards her and thin lists of smoke floating around him. She immediately recognizes what he’s doing, and she can’t help but roll her eyes.
He’s smoking.
“Better not let the kids see you doing that,” she says to announce her presence. “Or Zane for that matter.” Kai doesn’t flinch at the noise or even acknowledge her at first, probably having heard her coming.
And Nya’s in no place to judge her family’s vast list of unhealthy coping mechanisms, never has been nor will she ever be, she’s got her fair share of methods that would make Wu give her a disappointing glare, but she’s feeling especially agitated tonight, and Kai’s currently her easiest target.
“I thought you quit a long time ago, anyway?” Her tone comes out more unimpressed and bitter than she means it to, but she blames it on her lack of sleep, and Kai probably deserves it anyway.
Kai just gives her a noncommittal hum, not even turning to look at her, taking another drag of the half-smoked cigarette, blowing the smoke out with a loud sigh. “I did… when I was underage. Just figured I deserved one after the couple months I’ve had.”
Nya reaches his side in a few paces, standing above him while holding her hand out and giving Kai a weary look. He sighs dejectedly, taking one final inhale and hands the lit bud to his sister, who promptly extinguishes it on the concrete wall.
“We’re ninja, Kai. You kinda need your lungs to do this job, stupid.”
“Yeah, yeah, mom,” Kai jokes at her with a sly grin, making Nya lightly clip him upside the head. “Ow. Seriously, don’t worry about it. It’s the first one I’ve had in a long time.”
Nya rolls her eyes. “Just please don’t make it a habit, again, it was hard enough to get you to quit the first time. Especially now that we have impressionable teenagers living here.”
Kai just gives her a little halfhearted salute, taking note of whose clothing she’s wearing, yet not commenting on it, turning back to look at the view without another word. Nya hands him her mug, and he grabs it with a soft thanks, taking a sip. The two siblings sit in comfortable silence for a moment, the wind softly whistling around them. Nya takes a moment to really look at her brother, he’s thinner than normal, cheeks a little more hollow, and eye bags darker than usual. It was easy to forget when he came back through the portal, guns blazing and ready to protect her and their family, but his time in the Nether Space took a toll on him, physically, and Nya’s most definitely certain mentally, as well. He was there a little over three months, running and hiding from the rest of the Forbidden Five, and trying to protect Bonzle all the while.
She knows her brother.
And with the way his shoulders are hunched in on themselves, eyebrows pinched, and amber eyes staring practically glazed over, he’s not doing well.
“You okay?” Nya finally asks hesitantly. Also, when one of them is found outside, staring at nothing during the ridiculously early hours of the morning, it’s not usually because they’ve had a restful night.
Kai grimaces as Nya turns to look at him. “I’m alright. My arm was bothering me, and I couldn’t sleep. You know how insomnia is. Plus, it’s weird sleeping in a bed after so long.”
Nya winces in sympathy as Kai rubs his arm. After all these years, it’s hard to keep track of all the injuries they’ve racked up and which ones have stuck around. All of them have at least one body part that doesn’t work the way it should.
“I’m just…” Kai continues after a beat, exhaustion lacing his voice, “I’m tired, Nya.”
And Nya knows her brother isn’t just talking about his lack of sleep.
She knows what he means, because she feels the same way sometimes.
When you’re in your mid twenties, having been saving the world since the age of fourteen…
It gets tiring.
“Yeah,” she sighs, “me, too.”
“How ‘bout you? You’re also up at this hour. Nightmare?”
She doesn’t answer right away, unsure if she should say, because she knows as soon as she does, he’ll worry for the next few days, specifically because of who her nightmare was about.
Nya relents eventually, “I’m having dreams about Nadakhan again,” she says hesitantly, internally bracing herself when Kai whips his head around to look at her.
“Shit, Nya, really?” He moves one leg up as he turns so he’s fully facing her, setting the mug she’d given him down on the space between them, though Nya’s pointedly still looking straight ahead. “Are you okay? It’s been awhile, right?”
Nya ignores the barrage of questions in lieu of just answering one. “Y-Yeah, it’s been years since I’ve had one, especially one that felt so… real,” she says weakly. “But with everything that happened with Jay, I guess…” she trails off, but her brother seems to get it. He always does.
Kai nods in understanding, resting a gentle and warm hand on her shoulder, rubbing soothing circles up and down. “You wanna talk about it?” He asks meaningfully.
She thinks about it for a moment before shrugging, “Just the same old, same old. Him killing you guys and then Jay right in front of me, then I’m left alone with him.” Kai grimaces, a hint of fury crossing his face. He always gets back on his ‘murder Nadakhan’ soapbox when she talks to him about it, and she hates to make him worry. He still has a tendency to put blame on himself for not remembering that whole ordeal. At least she can talk about it now, it took her and Jay a long while after the fact to tell the guys about everything.
“I’m sorry, sis,” he says weakly. “FSM, not a day goes by where I don’t wanna kill that guy.”
Nya nods, smiling weakly, suddenly letting out a wet chuckle devoid of any humor, “I’m the only one who remembers,” a quiet sob escapes her lips, and Kai’s frown deepens as he pulls her into a loose hug. “He always said he wanted to forget, heh.” She shrugs meekly, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I guess he got his wish?”
“Hey,” Kai interjects, “this thing with his memory can’t be permanent. We’ll figure it out, I promise.”
“But what if we can’t?” Nya argues, muffled as she buries her face into her big brother’s shoulder in a way she hasn’t in probably twenty years. “We don't even know how he lost his memories! He could’ve hit his head, or-or someone might’ve done it on purpose?”
“Okay, now you sound like Jay,” Kai half jokes, causing Nya to lightly punch him in the chest. “But hey, I promised you we’d do this together, yeah? Jay has to be in there somewhere, you know better than I do, someone as stubborn and strong as him can’t just be gone.”
She sniffles, finally lifting herself from Kai’s now tear-soaked shoulder. He gives her a warm smile that Nya barely manages to reciprocate.
Nya groans, wiping the tears from her cheeks, “It feels like I’m mourning someone who isn’t even dead? Why am I doing that?”
Kai huffs, “Because you’re used to it. We’ve gotten pretty good at that, Nya. FSM knows we’ve done it a million times.”
“Yeah, but it’s never been Jay,” she argues thickly, “I feel like I failed him. If he were in our position, he would’ve dropped everything to save us. And he wouldn’t have stopped until he succeeded. He has! Twice! With Nadakhan and Unagami!” Nya grimaces. “Is this how he felt all those times I left? How it felt for you guys?”
Kai’s smile tightens, “Yeah, more or less.”
Nya huffs, “FSM, I’m so sorry for that.”
Kai reaches a hand over to ruffle her already tangled hair, and Nya just lets him. “Let’s hope getting that bonehead back will be easier than separating you from the sea.”
Nya laughs weakly as Kai smiles cheekily, leaning her shoulder on Kai’s after a beat. “I just miss him,” she takes a deep breath, “so much, Kai.”
Kai puts his arm around her, squeezing lightly, “I know. I miss my little brother, too. We’re gonna get him back, Nya.”
They stay like that for what feels like forever, shoulder to shoulder on the steps of the Monastery, staring at the scenery of trees and wildlife in front of them, just taking in the silence of the night. They’ve never needed many words, just content to exist in each other’s presence.
“Heh, I still can’t believe I missed your twenty-first birthday.” Kai says jokingly, poking Nya’s cheek.
Nya lets out a snort, “Yeah, you’re a few years late on that one. I can’t believe I missed your twenty-seventh, you old man.”
Kai gives her an indignant huff, “You say that like we aren’t two years apart. And twenty-seven is not that old! It just seems that way cuz we have a bunch of teenagers running around here!”
Nya’s smile tightens. “You remember when we were that young and bright-eyed?”
“It seems so long ago,” he sighs nostalgically.
“We’ve been through a lot, huh?”
He huffs, smiling slightly, “Yeah. I kinda miss when our biggest problems were snakes and training an eight-year-old Lloyd.”
“Ditto,” Nya responds dryly. It almost makes her worry about the kids. There’s an innate sense of protectiveness for them in her that she knows the others possess, too. She knows realistically she can’t protect Sora, Wyldfyre, and Arin from everything; they signed up for the ninja life, after all. She just wonders if they truly understood what that meant at first, they’re just barely older than she and the guys were when they started.
Well, if they didn’t before, they definitely do now.
“Y’know, it’s been years,” Kai says, interrupting her spiraling thoughts. By the way he side-eyes her, it was probably intentional. “And your eyes still freak me out. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to them glowing.”
Nya rolls her eyes, “All our eyes glow, you asshole. Stop making fun of mine!”
“Yeah… they glow when we use our powers, stupid. Not all the time!”
Nya just playfully shoves him, and they dissolve into fitful giggles. “I don’t know,” she chuckles, “I think since coming back, I’m always kinda using my powers. Like… constantly? Honestly, I don’t think I ever really stop, they’re always just kinda at like a low hum.”
“Really?” He asks genuinely. “Is that not exhausting?”
Nya shakes her head. “No, I just think it’s because the sea is always a part of me now, just like how… I’ll always be part of it. I mean, I still have the markings. My eyes and part of my hair are still blue?”
“Huh,” Kai remarks, genuinely intrigued, “you’ve never said anything about that before?”
She shrinks in on herself. “I just didn't want you to worry I'd turn back into the ocean, or something.”
“Please,” Kai scoffs, nudging her shoulder, “like the ocean would take you back after giving it up for us mere mortals.”
Nya snorts, “FSM, I missed you so much, Kai.”
“Which time? The Merge or my three months in super hell?”
Nya rolls her eyes, “Can’t it be both?” She leans her head to rest on Kai’s shoulder as he chuckles good-heartedly and her eyelids start to droop. “You think he’s awake, too? Staring at the same stars?”
Kai rests his head on top of her’s. “I’d like to think so, yeah.”
—
Jay jolts awake, stuffing a fist in his mouth to muffle a scream. This is the sixth nightmare this week, and the sixth one he can’t recall.
For as long as he can remember, this is how it’s always been.
He gets these horrifying and vivid nightmares that shake him to his core, and yet as soon as he opens his eyes, the pictures and faces are gone, but the fear remains.
All he can really grasp is an orange figure he knows is a threat, and a longing for someone he doesn’t know.
Jay doesn’t let himself dwell on it, there’s no point.
He runs his hands through his curls, they’re getting too long again, and stares up at the sky. With the wooded area he’s made camp in, the absence of light pollution allows the stars to be bright and shining.
He takes a small amount of comfort in it, although he can’t for the life of him figure out why, sparking a small fistful of lightning in his palms to play with, and letting his mind go blissfully numb to dissociation as the ache in his chest continues to grow.
Sometimes, he wonders if he’ll ever feel okay again, even though he can’t seem to remember a time when he did feel okay in the first place.
He blows out a breath, wincing as he feels certain scars on his body ache and throb intensely, his lightning twitching erratically as they do so, and sending sharp bursts of pain through his nerves.
Jay doesn’t let himself fall back asleep, unwilling to subject himself to any more terrifying images, perfectly content to stare at the sky until the sun starts to rise.
And as the tears start silently streaming down his face, he hopes, one day, that he won’t always be like this.
Afraid.
And so terribly alone.