Chapter Text
You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him you love him, and you’re choking down the feeling, and you’re trembling. But he reaches out and touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.
-Richard Siken, “You Are Jeff”
Beomgyu has a propensity for ruining everything good in his life. He tells himself he’s just beating it to the punch. Kill it before it kills you, right? But as soon as Yeonjun leaves, he wants him to come back. He’s never, ever wanted Yeonjun gone, and yet he can’t stop pushing when he means to say I need you.
It wasn’t always like this. He wants to go back. Back to late nights and cramming in a twin-sized bed and fearing the future instead of living it. It wasn’t always like this.