Chapter Text
Four months .
It’s been four months since time stopped moving.
Four cruel months since his world turned upside down.
Ekko hadn’t shed a single tear that he’d admit to, hadn’t uttered a single unnecessary word, hadn’t taken his mind off his work.
But four months was a long time, work was bound to slow down. And with that, Ekko’s mind slowed its pace, took a break from the constant meetings, rebuilding projects, negotiations, all the work that’s intertwined with being the firelight’s leader.
Anytime he’d been given a chance for a break, he politely declined, saying that work was more important. But deep down, he knew it was a lie; a little part of him was not as dissociated as the rest of him– the rare moments of silence exhausted him more than any labor ever could.
Ekko could bear with any physical work that came his way– enjoying it oftentimes. He likes playing with the kids, pacing around the base, going from one meeting to the next.
It was… nice. And busy. And distracting.
Like when you burn yourself on hot tea, and it makes you forget that you didn’t even like tea to begin with.
Ekko doesn’t like tea. Doesn’t want to think about it, even.
But it stings.
It burns.
Hurts so bad.
Even if it hurts, sometimes late at night when it’s just him, he’d bite his tongue and bear it for a few minutes; just a few minutes.
If he can figure out what went wrong, maybe he can figure out how to fix himself.
It doesn’t go Ekko’s way, though.
It never does.
A few depressing minutes stretching into many restless hours– without him realising.
His sense of time has been warped, changed as if he’d never been able to tell time. He blames it on his Z-drive– even when he knows it’s because of the numbness, the daze of it all.
He won the war,
But lost his motivation for even fighting in the first place.
He got back his tree,
But lost the person he had in mind when making the firelights base.
Lost the very person he would have given up everything to keep safe.
He got back to his friends and family,
But lost who used to be his very best friend.
Was everything he gained worth everything he lost?
If you ask Ekko if he’d change anything about the way the war played out; he’d say that he wished he’d never taken his eyes off of Jinx.
Maybe, just maybe, he could’ve got to her in time.
And maybe, she could’ve been next to him now, basking in the early hours sun.
His hand absentmindedly spreads to the empty side of his bed, hesitantly, as if with each inch his fingers travel, is an inch closer to colliding with hers.
But of course– there was nothing. Like usual.
He knows there’s no point in hoping, but his heart’s adrift with misery– a compass without direction.
Another night with no sleep,
Another night with the same nightmare taking over his dreams,
And yet another night waking up to an empty bed to accompany the void.
The sun rises. And Ekko doesn’t.
He hadn’t realised how long he’d just been lying in bed staring off into nothing in particular, until he heard a knock on the door.
The buzzing in his head fades, as he’s slowly pulled out of his thoughts. His eyes rip away from the ceiling, and to the door.
Oh.
Someone knocked.
He quickly shot up, trying to make himself look presentable, rubbing his eyes frantically– before shouting a quick, ‘ come in’ .
He sighs as he forces a light smile on his face, brows unfurling begrudgingly, ready to greet and help whoever it is, because that’s what he has to do.
The firelight’s leader.
That’s what he is.
The firelight’s leader is someone who everyone looks to solve their problems.
Someone who’s expected to always have the energy to deal with whatever it is.
Someone who’s meant to actually enjoy helping his people.
And he does, he really does, but his mind’s numb, and his heart is cold– and it hurts him to need to pretend to be what he was once genuinely like.
So for now, he’d push all his grief away– all the inner turmoil, the urge to implode– all locked away in a place where nobody could ever see, or even get a whiff of.
“Hey, little man.”
And the voice sounds similar to hers , not quite though. A little warmer, gentler and not all that tired.
For a second, cold sweat washed over his face, and he felt as if that name was a punch to the gut.
“Don’t call me… that, Vi.”
Anyone else would’ve thought he was being cold, but Vi knows where it’s coming out of– even when he doesn’t.
She always somehow read him before he even realised it himself.
She knows it pains him to be reminded of her , that he’s trying so so hard to keep it together. Truthfully, she is too. Ekko knows it can’t have been easy on her.
Seeing her sister sacrifice her life for her after just making up can’t be easy. But it isn’t easy for him either; he can’t even look at Vi, fearing she’d invoke something buried in him.
“Ekko…”
And her tone is so gentle, so knowing, it makes his heart lurch, ready to spill out all the things it’s been keeping.
He can’t though. If the dam is nudged it’ll shatter– won’t open like normal.
He hasn’t seen her since everything went down, and he thought it’d stay this way.
Yet, she came to find him first, even after his refusal to see her. Ekko knew she would want to talk to him about Jinx, and he didn’t want to.
It jeopardizes his ability to go on with his life– He’s been successful so far with pretending like nothing happened, like he wasn’t grieving anything, like he was happy everything was settled.
He was happy…
Just not truly.
Not actually.
Victory is tasteless when the one person you wanted to share it with wasn’t there.
Everything becomes tasteless after.
“Why are you…” she begins, unsure of how to go on about it.
“Why am I what?” He snaps.
The roughness in his voice was supposed to be a warning, saying step away and definitely don’t ask about my feelings. If she began playing therapist he seriously won’t know what to do.
“...angry.” She steps in, closing the door behind her. “Do you want to talk about-”
He flinches, closing his eyes for a few seconds.
“No, don’t- Don’t say it.” Don’t say jinx.
“I’m worried about you, Scar says you’ve just been… acting as if nothing happened.”
“Nothing’s happened. I’m fine. I’m over it.” he says, crossing his arms tightly, as if that would stop Vi from seeing him through that shield.
“Clearly not! Look at yourself.” She gets closer to him, gently touching his arm, “I know she meant a lot to you, it’s okay to… feel!”
Ekko snaps, finally showing some of the hurt he’s been trying so hard to bury and pretend it didn’t exist. He swats Vi’s hand away, and holds his temples, as if that would stop his mind from reeling with thoughts.
“She’s dead! She’s-” and he sputters for a breath,”she’s gone. Just like she wanted, she left me, and you, and is gone! She’s gone. Really, really, gone.”
And before he can register the tears streaming down his face, Vi engulfs him in a hug not all that different from the one she gave him all those years ago.
His grip on himself loosens as he sobs into her shoulder, a sudden overwhelming feeling bubbling through his chest. His heart hurts .
He knows it kills her to see him that way, but he can’t hold himself together, can’t stop himself from spewing everything he’s kept to himself.
“She said she’d end up dead after the war, I– I told her that she wouldn’t.” he chokes up, a hic cutting through every few words, “I made her promise… that she’d– she’d come back to me alive, and she didn’t.”
Another sob escapes him, “she didn’t!”.
Vi just grips him harder as she bites her lip, choking down her own tears. She urges him to continue with a press to his back.
“She tried to blow herself up in front of me, and when she realised I was there, she threw herself off the edge.”
Vi’s grip slackens, as she hauls him to stand up properly, her teary, horrified eyes meet his and she weakly asks, “wh– what? When? …when?”
“A few weeks before the war.”
Vi looks at him expectantly, a desperate hope spreads on her horrified expression, as if pleading he doesn’t confirm what she’s thinking.
“I found her, in her lair, bomb in hand. She– she set it off.” his breath hitches, tears pricking his eyes again. Momentarily, the moment plays over in his mind, just like it’d done time and time in his nightmares.
“I turned back time. So many times, Vi! So, so many. I–” his gut twists, a nauseous feeling overtaking him. “I had to watch her break and split apart– break and spring back. Bones break and mend. Break and go back.” His eyes zone out, and he’s back there, watching the scene unfold.
And slowly, the fuzziness going away, his eyes catch hers. And Vi was nothing short of horrified .
“She–” Vi whispers, trailing off in favor of pressing her eyes shut, lips trembling.
“She was so lifeless, so… sad. I just-” Ekko takes a deep, shaky breath in, “I just wanted her to get better. I just wanted her back.”
—
“Were you really gonna kill your sister?” he asked, voice laced with disbelief.
“You have no place to talk, y’know? Didn’t you try to do so at the bridge too?”
“Kinda. We’ve all attempted her life… including herself.” he laughs humorlessly.
Vi’s jaw drops, “that’s not funny at all.” If he didn’t know any better he’d assume
“She would’ve laughed.”
“Yeah.” she sighs, “yeah, she would’ve.”
His fingers lightly grazing the empty spot next to him.
She could’ve been here.
*
“I don’t want to live anymore.”
She sat on his bed, back to the wall, face buried in her arms, knees hugged tightly to her chest. When she curled up like that, he could almost miss her completely. She was tiny, Ekko couldn’t help but think that he’d have to make sure she eats properly from now on. Only if she’d allow him to stick around after everything.
“There’s a lot to live for, Jinx.” he starts gently, sitting next to her. Ekko makes sure to leave enough space between them, but not far enough that she thinks he wants to be away.
“What do you live for?” she says in a voice devoid of emotion. She lifts her head up, and looks at him. Although her eyes meet his, they really don’t. He feels as though she’s looking at him, but not at him . “Besides saving people who deserve to rot in a ditch.”
What does he live for? He’s looking at her. Everything he’s ever hoped to do with his life was indirectly related to providing for his friends, city and family. Although, his selfish desires were only to do with her. The feelings for her he’d kept hidden away from everyone were his and his only; she was his friend, his everything at some point. She still can be, he thinks.
“You should’ve let me die.” She faces him only then, her lips piquing a little into what Ekko is sure is the saddest, most pathetic excuse of a smile he’s ever seen.
He just gapes at her; what does she mean let her die? He left her for dead before, but he wouldn’t do it again, even if it killed him. But he wouldn’t tell her that, because his feelings confused him.
Not long ago, Ekko hated himself for not being able to hate her; she was supposed to be his enemy. Yet who holds this much love for their enemy? Who yearns for their enemy’s company this much? Who wishes their enemy peace?
She’s not an enemy any longer though; she’s now a shattered girl drowning in her own head, lost in struggle, unable to even feed herself. And it breaks his heart into a million pieces. She’d suffered so much only for it to be made worse by everyone around her. He finds himself thinking about what would have happened if he hadn’t given up on her so easily. Would her suffering be any less?
After a few seconds of her revelation, his eyes focus again, and he sees that she’s still looking at him. Except now, she’s looking at him , waiting for him to respond to her outrageous statements. And suddenly, his gut wrenches when he realises that she doesn’t think she’s being outrageous. She thinks she’s telling a fact. And she wants him to comfort her. She’s searching for something, for anything, on his face.
His eyes sting, and one look into her eyes, the tears fall down his face. They just fall one by one, and he doesn’t stop them. Jinx clearly was taken aback, even more when he held her arms and pulled her into him, hugging her with trembling hands. His hands stroke her hair shakily, as he whispers to her,
“I’d never let you die. I don’t want you to.”
“You should. I’m a kil-”
“You don’t decide for me! I want you alive– and happy.” he hugged her tighter, and it didn’t go unnoticed how she relaxed into him, not quite reciprocating though. He wants her to want to live.
“Ekko.” her voice breaks, throat tight from holding back tears. He could feel her breathing become harsher against him. “Will you stay?”
“I’ve got you, always. It’s just me and you against the world. What do you say, blue?”
She laughs softly at first, and quickly it turns into sobs that shake her so hard he struggles to hold back his own sobs. He hadn’t noticed when exactly, but she had wrapped her arms around him, face planted onto his chest now. His heart beats erratically from all the emotions swirling in it– He wants nothing more than to hold her, comfort her, steal away all her pain, and just be by her side while she heals.
At this point, it’s been a week since he brought her to the firelights base. And it’s the first time she talked since he found her. Ekko missed her, missed her presence, missed talking with her, missed seeing life in her eyes.
Even through everything bad she’s done under silco, he now knows it wasn’t truly her. He doesn’t understand it fully, but he’ll wait for however long it takes for her to talk to him. Seeing powder in the other universe was supposed to be a happy end of their chapter, ending all his ties with his Jinx. but it had the opposite effect– she showed him just how different Jinx would be if she had people who actually supported her.
Jinx was a product of her surroundings; she was a result of years upon years of trauma. Ekko spent all those years waiting for her to let him in, and gave up on her once he realised she didn't want to change, and didn’t want help. But seeing her now, he realises she was just scared. He wishes he could ask her, for her to let him fully in, but Ekko knows digging into painful memories won’t be of any help to her. So he’ll wait until she’s ready for him, like he always did.
But soon, she’s going to be running around terrorizing him again, and he’d have no choice but to accept it with a smile on his face.
But you didn’t get to do that, didn’t you, Ekko?
Some boy saviour!
She trusted you, and you weren’t up to it.
Powder is gone.
Jinx is gone.
You never really deserved her anyway.
You really thought you could get to her?
He thrashed some more in his sleep, before being awoken in a daze. He shot up, feeling his lungs constrict. He knew for some time now that he gets panic attacks, or anxiety attacks. Just didn’t know what he could do to stop it. His mental health shouldn’t be an excuse for the state he’s been in. God knows that if Ekko could help it, there’d be a little more blue around him, and a little less grey.
But Ekko didn’t have it his way; he never would. He’s barely his own person, and as the days go by, he feels like he’s more of an extension of his people’s needs. He loves his community to bits, but it's overwhelming, especially with everything he’s been struggling with lately.
His breathing got heavy, and he clutched at his shirt, trying to alleviate some pressure off of him– to no avail. His vision blurred, and a loud static raided his mind. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see. Couldn’t. Couldn’t. Couldn’t.
He threw the blanket off himself, and made his way to his feet, stumbling when all the blood rushed to his head. He made a beeline for his desk, where he kept it. His single solace in this cruel, unforgiving world. His sketchbook.
Or rather, her sketchbook.
Ekko wasn’t an idiot; he’d always known he had some sort of unresolved feelings towards Jinx, even when he was supposed to hate her. And to stop himself from ever making the mistake of reaching out to her, he would draw her, anytime he saw her in the lanes.
And he’s careful with his selection of words, because he did in fact see her around more often than anyone knew. She’s only ever seen him when it was a mission, and her gun was cocked at him and the firelights. She would’ve looked cool, had her gun not been aimed at his face. It certainly was fun to draw.
He knew it wasn’t wise to draw her to begin with, but when he started on her face, he just couldn’t stop. It wasn’t fair how pretty she was, how she unintentionally grabbed his attention just by a flicker of her eyes. Now, he wasn’t stalking her, but he did watch her from a distance sometimes. Just to ease his mind; if she’s allowed to be doing well, so was he. And even more than that, he just wanted to see her away from all the misery for once.
It killed him from the inside to see her content with everything without him. But what could he do? Besides drawing her, laughing hysterically when she set off a glitter bomb in a busy street. Drawing her testing out a few of her new guns on abandoned buildings, then kissing them when they worked the way she wanted. Drawing her when she walked out of the tattoo shop all smug, showing off the prettiest tattoo he’d ever seen. Drawing her slurping down a bear’s portion at Jericho's.
But she was his enemy; she hurt him and his firelights endlessly– and it wasn’t something he could move past back then. Had she come to him one day saying she wanted to leave Silco, Ekko would’ve dropped everything and made sure she would get the peace she deserved. Yet, she didn’t. And it made him bitter to realise that maybe she’s truly just content being a weapon.
This sketchbook held all his deep selfish thoughts– things he could never vocalise, not in a million years. Even if he wanted to, she wasn’t there anymore for him to tell her, you’re my friend, and I swear I never stopped caring, not for a minute. The thought sends him reeling, what was once his solace is now a taunt against him.
His breaths grew shallower, as his thumb drew circles on one of the latest pictures. Her in the new outfit, painted all over by him, standing by his hoverboard-turned-weapon, biting her lip to stop a smirk from spreading even more on her face. He sighed as the effects of the panic attack began to slow down, and he could catch his breath. She just had that effect on him– makes him anxious beyond relief, then makes his heart at peace just as fast.
*
“What? Why can’t someone else do it?”
“It’s important work. The pilties can’t be trusted with our kids.”
“Surely there are more… pressing matters I could tend to.”
“Do what I say.”
“But-!”
“But nothing. Make it work.”
Well, hell. Who was Ekko to disobey who was technically his boss, or Zaun’s representative at the council; none other than Sevika. She usually assigns him important political papers to write, or calls on him as the firelight’s leader to convince the council to fix yet another thing they didn’t realise they ruined. She had assigned Vi to overlook orphanages and schools being built in school, making sure construction is going smoothly.
And to be fair, just three months after the pilties approved funding them, three orphanages were already done with construction. Now, seven months after the war, the orphanages are finally, finally ready to be used.
This is where Ekko comes in– Sevika had asked him to make sure Zaunite kids stuck in piltie orphanages after the war have made it well to Zaun’s new orphanages. Which, Ekko admits, is pretty important. But it’s not something someone else is incapable of doing. He decides to just let it go, seeing as he’s grown to respect Sevika somewhat. Although she does things for the fun of it, she doesn’t play about children, which is pretty admirable. None of which he could say for any of the other councilors.
He makes his way out of her office in the small apartment per piltovian standard; The small apartment being a whole penthouse. He’d expect nothing less for a councilor though. He looks at the orphanages he’s supposed to visit, each having four or five kids at most. Ekko winces at the stack of papers in his hands, and sighs as he begins ushering some of Sevika’s men around him.
He’s not sure how exactly he’s supposed to bring them to Zaun, but he’ll make it work as he always did.
“The three of you collect these,” handing one of the men a list of the children’s names, “kids from Piltover’s charity orphanage.”
“You two, at Kiramman’s orphanage.”
“And the rest, at…”
He hums in satisfaction once all the papers in his hands are gone, and all the men are headed to their destinations. They’d agreed to split up, each taking a few kids, and he’d be at Zaun for a head count at the end of the day.
“Ekko? Councillor Sevika forgot to give this to you with the rest of the papers.”
It was her new assistant. Another thing he finds respectable is her insisting to only hire people from Zaun, even if it pisses off the rest of the council.
He thanks her quietly as he reads it. It was at a further orphanage, and there was only one kid in it. For the name, a hasty ‘ no name ’ was scribbled. Was this another kid who wasn’t given a name, or was it piltie negligence? Either way, there’s no one but him left to get the child, so he sighs deeply before grabbing his hoverboard and throwing himself off of the fancy balcony.
Twenty minutes later, he finds himself at the orphanage’s doorstep, knocking on the old, rusted metal door.
“Hello?”
Did they give him the wrong address or something? There were literally no signs of life.
As he was turning around to leave, the door burst open and a short, old woman stepped out.
“Hello dearie, how may I help?”
His eyes scanned the paper to find who runs it, and he says, “Are you Ms. …. rosalie?”
“That’s right, dear.”
His brain shuts down for a second. Now what? Should he tell her he’s here for the nameless kid from Zaun. No, that’s too forwar-
“I’m here per Sevika’s orders to collect-”
“Ah, yes. Little Isha.”
“So she has a name?”
“Quite a long story, kid. Come in, while I tell you.”
She ushers him in, and he stares for a moment at the place. Although it was so old, it was clear that the kids ran the place. Childish crafts and drawings litter the main hall, and tons of art stuff lay around.
“Sorry about the mess, it’s hard to watch the kids and clean.”
Ekko gaped at her for a second.
He blinked. Once. twice.
“You run an orphanage on your own?”
“Well, there’s not too many children here.”
He laughs at the woman, clearly a saint.
“Well, young man. They’re having dinner right now. You’re welcome to come sit while Isha finishes.”
As they walk down the dimly lit hallway, he notices sounds of laughter and chatter coming out of what appears to be the kitchen. The old lady made it there before him though, and through the wall, he heard her say, “We have a guest today, so be on your best behaviour.”
To which, one girl in particular giggled.
As he stood by the doorframe, his heart nearly exploded. The girl laughing had blue ends on her hair, a vest with a taped on ‘x’, and a miner’s helmet. He didn’t know that there were kid Jinxers. Although, he wouldn’t expect any less of her. After all, she moved a whole city to a revolution with just a single action.
“Isha!” the woman laughed at her, before turning to Ekko, “she’s a bit of a troublemaker. Good kid, though.”
“Yeah, I can tell.”
The kid eyed him briefly before turning to Rosalie and signing with her hands something he didn’t understand.
“No, he’s taking you to an orphanage in Zaun.”
The kid looked floored . And Ekko almost felt guilty. Almost. If only her face didn’t look so funny.
“Don’t worry Isha, you’ll like it very much there.” he quips once he realises Rosalie was waiting for him to say something. “I’m Ekko, nice to meet you.”
He moves to sit across her on the mini tables clearly meant only for children.
Isha laughs and signs something to Rosalie.
“She says you look ridiculous. That you’re too tall for this table.” said the woman, who looked like she was done with Isha’s trouble. Still, he could tell she had affections for her.
Ekko’s mouth twitched in an attempt to hide a smile.
“Well, I’m here to sit next to my friend, Isha. I hope you don’t mind.”
She suddenly goes a little quiet before signing something even faster than before.
“She asks if she’ll be able to visit.”
“Of co-”
Ekko caught himself from promising something he couldn’t actually do. He wanted to tell the jinxer brat that he’d personally accompany her– but he can’t promise. A day from now, she’ll be at a whole new orphanage and he’d be elsewhere dealing with more work.
“I mean, I’ll try. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
She signs furiously from what he could tell. Then continues eating her food as if nothing had happened.
“Isha…”
She signs something back.
“Alright, alright.” Rosalie looks at a confused Ekko, “she says she won’t go.”
By now, all the kids had finished their food, leaving Isha sitting alone, hurrying to finish her meal after the unwelcome distraction.
Truthfully, Ekko didn’t know what to tell her. The kid was happy and safe. Why should he take her away?
Technically, he knows that she should grow up amongst other Zaunites. That it would be better not to stray too much from where she comes from. But who was he to separate her from her newfound place.
“Isha, I understand it’s hard, but there’s somewhere especially waiting for you to wreak havoc in.”
His mind flashes to when he told another blue haired girl the same sentence.
*
“I don't know how you’re not sick of me.”
“Why would I be?”
“I’m a mess. I can’t even move.” she said, frustration evident in her voice.
“Just open up, Jinx.”
He gently shoved another spoonful in her mouth, long after she insisted she was so, so full.
“Why would you want me to be healthy? I’m much quieter this way.”
A scoff escapes him.
Jinx looks at him, amused, and says “wouldn’t you like a shy girl, lover boy?”
Ekko looks at her, his gaze unwavering. “You underestimate how much I like the chaos.”
“What if I decide to blow myself up agai-”, he feeds her another bite to shut her up, “ouch! It’s hot.” she complains, her face instantly turning red.
He laughs softly, and it gets lost on her the kind of look he gives her. Undoubtedly, she’d have his head if he went overboard with mushiness.
“I know it’s hard, genius. But there’s a special battle soon waiting for you to wreak havoc in.”
She hums in acknowledgment, chewing with slow carelessness.
“And what if I don’t want to?”
“That’s okay too.” he says, brushing her hair out of her face, “I’m here for you, regardless.”
“I know.” Jinx leans into his palm, closing her eyes, encouraging him to hold her face. He rubs his thumb across her cheekbones, and he’s so, so thankful her eyes are closed, because she would’ve seen the moment he realised she was beyond beautiful.
“I want to, though.” She opens her mouth, expecting another bite. He bites his lip, trying his best not to laugh at how adorable she was being. “Is that funny to you, Mister?”
Ekko shook his head and obliged her with another bite.
“I had them put more carrots in the stew. You liked them last time, right?”
Jinx starts tearing up. And immediately, his mind races. What did he say to make her cry?
The tears slipped agonizingly slow down her face, while she just hiccuped and looked straight at him.
“Don’t cry. What’s wrong?” He put the bowl down quickly, and wiped her tears with both hands, which only made her cry harder.
“Powder-” hic “didn’t like carrots.”
“Oh, sorry.” his hands stilled on her cheeks. “I thought you like them, you ate it all la-”
“I do like them!”
“Okay.” he struggled to ask what that was all about, so he focused on wiping her tears.
“ I do.”
“Don’t cry, please.” his voice cracks, “I hate to see you so sad.”
“You deserve better than whatever this is.” she says through her tears, pointing at herself mockingly.
“No, no, you do.”
“No I don’t. You know I don’t.”
“Jinx… you won’t ever convince me you deserve anything short of the world.”
*
She eyes him once again, as if considering it, before clicking her tongue and stuffing her mouth once more.
“You remind me of someone I used to know.”
That piqued her interest.
She looked at him expectantly, waiting for a continuation.
“She was also very brave. Just… chaotic as can be. But it was nice; it was her.”
She runs off to grab rosalie who has gotten side tracked with the kids, and signs to her again.
“She says that used to know someone like that too. Someone like what?”
If Isha was sad, she didn’t show it. But he could see something deep flicker in her eyes.
“Oh, Dear.”
Rosalie got onto her knees and caressed Isha’s cheek. To which, Isha pushed her off. Not menacingly, just reminding. She did not want to be touched.
“Her friend that passed.”
“I’m sorry.” he didn’t know how to console a child he doesn’t know a second thing about. “Would you tell me about your friend?”
Isha shook her head no so quickly he didn’t even see it coming. She then signed to Rosalie once again.
“She says can they speak with her? At zaun, she means.”
His heart broke for her even more. It seems as though she gave up fighting for what she wanted. How can she look at him with those wide innocent eyes and expect him to say no, they can’t speak to you, they won’t even learn it for you most likely.
“No, but-”
She flat out refuses to go, storming off, leaving him and the woman sitting on the tiny kids table.
“What happened to her? I mean how’d she end up here.”
“I’m not so sure, myself. All I know is that she got caught in some explosion, and ended up at a hospital here. Then was moved to an orphanage after a couple months, and was moved to another and another. They treated her harshly because they couldn’t understand her, and she gave them a lot of trouble. She refuses to talk to me about anything, even her life before. I taught her sign language, and she was so eager to learn that it threw me off. How did no one bother to find a way to learn her name?”
“Ms. Rosalie?”
“Young man?”
“I’m taking her with me. And she’s going to visit. I promise.”
She smiles and nods, “She’s too bright to be stuck here all her childhood. Take good care of her, will you?”
“I will.”
This was a promise Ekko could keep. Not only does she remind him more and more of a… friend of his, her story also makes him feel even worse. She went through a lot and yet is the bravest kid in the whole room.
Silently, he made a promise to himself alongside the promise he made to Rosalie, that he’d not let Isha suffer just because she’s different. He knows a little too much about being different, and how it’s almost always seen as an impediment.
No, not this kid. Not the jinxer kid. He’d take care of her.
Now, the hard part; convincing Isha.
He went upstairs per the woman’s instructions, heading to the room Isha shared with the rest of the girls. Although they were all playing downstairs, Isha had wound up upstairs after the unwelcome guest soured her mood.
He knocks on the door a few times, forgetting she can’t reply to him. So he just opened the door, looking around for a sign of the jinxer brat. And there she was, perched on a bed, with a bunny stuffie on her lap, and she was just playing with its ears.
“Hey…” he said awkwardly, moving to sit on another bed across hers.
Isha did not even spare him a glance.
“I want to tell you a secret. You can’t tell anyone, though.”
She looked at him with a glare that said I can’t anyway, asshole.
He had to grip the sheets under him to stifle the laugh that was about to break through.
“Isha, I promise I’m going to learn to speak to you. And I'll shove it down everyone 's throat.”
She snorts, before realising she’s supposed to be mad, and a frown spreads on her face again.
“I know it isn’t the best to move away from a familiar place, but there’s a whole world waiting for little Isha to be the big terror she is.”
Isha just stares down at her bunny, although he can see a smile on her face.
“You’ll be around so many more kids, and you’ll go to school, too”
At that, her head snapped up at him.
“But it’s alright if you don’t want to go…” he says, pretending to get up.
Her head follows him, with her mouth open, unable to stay mad anymore.
He was fully turned around when something soft hit him on his back. It was the bunny.
She motioned to her mouth, pretending to lock it.
“You want to know my secret?”
She nods furiously and gets up off the bed to retrieve the bunny.
“Alright.”
He sits on the bed again, and is shocked when she follows him there.
“I have this super secret base in the lanes. There’s a huge tree and a community living in it.”
She looks like she’s fighting so hard to pretend like she’s uninterested.
“There’s a whole lot of people there. Kids your age, too. It’s very quiet. You can come and play if you promise to be good.”
She gives him a look that says good, seriously?
“Alright, half good.”
She nods and holds out her pinky, which he interlocks his with.
*
And that’s how he ended up at the lanes orphanage. Original name, he thinks. Except, he wasn’t alone. He had Isha, who only had a bunny with her. He’d dropped Isha in, and insisted he stay until she felt comfortable enough.
“Will you be okay?”
She nods.
“I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.”
She looks at him hesitantly, as if unsure what to believe.
“Sleep well. I’ll be right here, after noon”
She nods again and disappears up the stairs to where the bedrooms are.
“Don’t worry we’ll take good care of her.” said a lady who sat aside.
“Have you received the list of names?”
“Yup.” she says, getting up to hand him some papers off of the desk.
“And everyone’s upstairs?”
“Yes.”
Ekko just liked when people were cooperative. Not always though. Not when it’s blue and fun, and puts the word rebellious to shame.
He finishes up the head count and retrieves to the base, making his way to his room, and passing out on his bed. Which didn’t last long– soon, he was writhing and shaking. The dream, the tormenting dream wouldn’t leave him alone, as if punishing him for what he did and didn’t do.
Jinx, oh, jinx. Why must she riddle his waking thoughts, then take over his dreams?
*
“What would you wanna do after everything is over?” he’d asked her. Curious about her sudden motivation to give up her lair, he followed it with, “Where would you go?”
Maybe, just maybe, he would be able to convince her to stay here with him– start over someplace fresh.
“If I survive, that is.”
“Don’t-” his breath caught in his throat, “don’t say that. Don’t say it like you won’t mind it happening.”
“Ekko… I don’t. I really don’t. You had to stop me from doing it myself.”
“I’ll do it again if I have to.”
“Sap.” she muttered under her breath, before pulling down her goggles, and hauling up a big chunk of metal into her huge gun. She starts putting it together and he can’t help but admire how incredibly capable she is, how expertly she mends the broken thing, and how quickly she came up with a way to fix it. He knows deep in his bones that if he spends another week or two around her, he’d end up forming this huge, pathetic, downright pitiful crush on her.
Not that they had that much time right now. But maybe she’ll stick around after the war hopefully ends well tomorrow. And maybe, just maybe, he can continue to explore his feelings for her, testing and prodding just how deep he feels. Right now, he's worried about her, and it’s not the time to think about anything else.
“What’s got your panties in a twist?” she smirks, lifting her goggles to look at him.
“You didn’t answer me.” he says.
“‘Cause I don’t know.” And for the first time since she got here, her voice showed hints of fear. “Though, I’m usually pretty hard to get rid of, right?”
He frowned at her insinuation of him trying to kill her.
“I was never going to do that. You know I wouldn’t.”
“I didn’t know.” she sighs, “I was… relieved to die. Still would be.”
“I want you to still be here tomorrow. And the day after.” he stumbled on his words, speaking so quick Jinx could barely hear. “And the forever after. Promise me?”
“I can’t promise, boy savior.”
“Then at least tell me.”
She huffs, “I guess I’ll allow you to see this face later, or whatever.” she confidently spats, before turning back to her work.
He smiled fondly, and closed his eyes momentarily, to savour the moment,
And when he opened them,
He was wide awake,
“Fuck…” he muttered underneath his breath.
These memories that are played instead of dreams suck, because in the moment, he truly believes he is back there, experiencing it all for the first time. Yet, when he wakes up, he feels very empty, as if all the world’s emotions were forced upon him, then forcibly ripped away from him, and he couldn’t handle the overwhelming sensations.
Ekko sighs as he heads to his bathroom to wash up. He dumps cold water over his face in a pathetic attempt at washing away his emotions. He was a whole community’s leader– he owes it to them to keep everything, including himself, in check. It might be his tears, or could be water, that stream down his face, soaking the neckline of his shirt. Washing his face wasn’t enough, so he hops into the shower, fully clothed, just to sob his heart out, knowing nobody could hear or see him this way.
When he is done, he wears a happy face, puts on his overalls, and steers clear of the jacket he had once told her was hers. And he’s off for the day.
He has a few tasks he’s supposed to do around the base, otherwise his day is mainly free. Normally, Ekko would hate free days because it left him alone with his thoughts. This time around though, he has a brat he’s meant to check in on, then get started on learning sign language, just like he’d promised.
Before going to the orphanage, he looks for a bookshop he used to frequent, before his life became hectic. He picked up a book detailing sign language, and some story books the kids might like.
*
“You’ve got quite the book collection.”
He flinched. She’s taken to sneaking up on him, leaving him to silently curse under his breath each time.
“I should put a bell on you, seriously.”
“Scared of me?” Jinx says as she plops down on his back. He groans under the added weight. Doing one handed pushups was already hard enough, though not much harder when a malnourished girl sits on your back.
“Yeah, right.” he scoffs, “What are you doing?”
“Helping you exercise, duh!”
“Not very helpful, Jinx.”
She lies down on his back, arms crossed between his head and hers.
“You know we have beds for that, right?”
“I know.”
He laughs, and switches to two armed pushups, fearing he won’t be able to go on much longer with just one. He hasn’t admitted, not even to himself, that her company was more than very welcomed, and it made him a little happy that she’s comfortable enough to lounge on him, out of anywhere else.
“What’s your favourite book?”
He gives it a minute to think, before answering, “the one about time.”
She stays silent for a second, before an outrageously loud laugh escapes her lips, to the point where she falls off his back and is rolling to get up. He immediately misses her being so close.
“Of course it is!” she says through giggles, “let me guess, you read it like ten times?”
His face flushes, and his eyes avoid hers. He hasn’t heard her laugh genuinely in so long, he almost rips his heart out and just hands it to her.
“Oh my god! You totally have!” she read him to filth in a way only she could.
“Twelve actually.” he whispers, making her go back to crying in laughter.
“Let the book go, I’ve got a better one for you.”
“Which is?”
“Uh-uh. Be patient, tuff tuff.” she says.
He smiles at the nickname. It’s only been a few years since she called him that, yet it feels like it’s a new name each time, depending on the way she says it.
*
“Hey, kid. Told you I’d be back.”
Isha spun around at the familiar voice, her expression staying neutral.
“Look what I got.” he said, showing off the books in his hand.
Uninterested, she went back to drawing.
“ Tough crowd.” said the same lady from yesterday.
He huffed and replied, “well, I guess Isha doesn’t want to help me learn sign language. This book’s gone to waste.”
She stomped over to him, a glare adorning her face. She signaled to the book, and he gave it to her. Isha plopped down to the floor, flipping through the pages, diagrams of each sign drawn carefully on each paper.
“Can you read?”
She shook her head.
“You’ll learn at school, don’t worry.” he ruffled her hair, earning his hand a smack.
“Right, forgot you don’t like to be touched.” he said sheepishly, and sat down next to her. She almost looks sorry, and he doesn’t want her to be, “I don’t like to be touched either, you know.”
Truthfully, he wasn’t lying. He had never been the touchy type, and people understood that. Well, most people did. Just one person insisted that his personal space was their space, and he didn’t mind, he’d shared everything with her since he knew how to.
Okay, that’s a lie. Saying he ‘didn’t mind’. He was a sore loser when it came to Jinx, almost not being able to resist touching her hair, holding her hand, caressing her cheek. But he had to hold back, his whole body physically twitching with the need of contact. Ekko would let her initiate whatever she wanted in that department.
Something flickered in her eyes for a second, but whatever it was, Isha didn’t want it to be known– so he won’t ask.
“Let’s start?”
She nods quickly, seemingly excited to begin.
*
Over the course of a month, Ekko would go over to the orphanage every day or two, making sure to bring something new for the kids while he’s there. He was making rapid progress with the signs, and they were quickly able to communicate somewhat. Although he couldn’t understand everything, he learnt a huge chunk of her most used words, making it easy to fill in the blanks.
Isha seemed very hesitant to accept any sort of help from him– only taking it when necessary. And she hasn’t opened up about anything personal. Only thing he managed to drag out of her is her favourite color. And of course, of course, it was blue. He told Isha his favourite color was blue too.
Although she kept herself private, she was a very lively kid. Fighting with him, or playing, any chance she got. And she constantly humbled him with her judgy looks. Ekko guesses that if you can’t express yourself with words, you end up using your face instead. And damn did he feel judged when they got to the word ‘love’ in his book.
‘ You, love?’ she had signed
“I love… my tree. What about you?”
She shot him a look and signed, ‘ stop asking.’
He felt bad, he completely didn’t mean to ask her something personal.
“I’m sorry; didn’t think that through.”
Satisfied, she clicked her tongue at his apology. Then she signed ‘ I want see tree.’
‘You promise.’
“I did promise, didn’t I? We’ve got a few hours until sunset. What do you say?”
She shot up, putting on her helmet and signing ‘ ready.’
*
Ekko was having a hard time getting Jinx to do anything for herself, not that he didn’t like helping her, but he just wanted to see her functioning like she used to. The way he found her was tragic, and he’d spend the rest of his life beating himself up for giving up on her and letting it get to that point. For now, he’ll focus on her and her only. Ekko will help her through it all if she allows him to. And even if she doesn’t– he’s never going anywhere.
“You’re staring.”
“Sorry.” he averted his gaze from her quickly, and looked at the floor, trying to pretend like he wasn’t caught looking at her for a little too long.
“Did you ever think about me all those years?”
Ekko opened his mouth to speak, and Jinx interrupted him, “me, not powder. Me as I am, not who I was.”
“Yes, I did sometimes.”
Ekko knew lying wouldn’t get him anywhere, and he knew his friend needed him to be honest more than anything.
“What’d you think?” she says nervously, beginning to pick at her nails.
Ekko moves to sit next to her, holding the hand she was picking at, before smoothing her finger between the pads of his.
“At first, I had hope that I’d be able to take you away from Silco, and bring you here.”
She took her hand away, and cowered into herself. And he let her, he’d hold her hand when she let him.
“Then I lost hope when you began showing up with bombs and guns. But–”
“I get it, you think I’m some monster.”
“No, nothing like that.” he says simply, making her sit up straight with what seemed like hope in her eyes.
“No?”
“No. I convinced myself I hated you, but I always knew I didn’t, and never will be able to.”
“Even if I’m jinx?”
“Especially when you’re Jinx.” he says softly.
He could see her hand scooting between them, and maybe, just maybe she wanted him to hold her hand. And who was Ekko to say no? He held her hand gently, his thumb caressing her knuckles and said,
“I watched you for years, you know.”
And he said it quietly, just like a confession. He could trust her with anything, including his secrets. Ekko never told anyone what he was up to, and no one questioned it either– all busy with their own duties. Every few months, he’d go out and find her, just sneaking a look.
“Why?”
He shrugged, “I guess I missed you. We weren’t exactly on good terms. And I was still mad at you.” She looks down ashamed, and he lifts her chin up, forcing her to look at him before he continues, “I don’t blame you, though. And you shouldn’t blame yourself either. You can make up anything you’ve done to Zaun in this war.”
“What will I do after?” Her expression was so vulnerable, so broken, and all he could do was give her a gentle smile.
“Whatever you want. You can stay here.” he said, before adding quickly, “i-if you want. No pressure, or anything. I’d love to have you around–”
He froze.
Her head dropped to his shoulder, and she took a deep breath in.
“Thank you.”
No, thank you, he wanted to say.
*
Fast forward to the present, Isha’s been living back and forth between the orphanage and the tree for a few months now. To say she loved the tree was an understatement, she would be an ever bigger brat if he told her she needed to go back, that the orphanage caregiver lady would be worried. And honestly, having Isha around was proving to be fun. She made the tree her personal playground, and the kids there quickly flocked to her whenever she was over; something about her style and the way she carried herself with the confidence of twenty men.
Ekko would love to have her live here, but they’ve got enough kids with no one to look after them. The people assigned the kids were already swamped, and finding people who actually tolerated kids for more than an hour was proving to be harder with the days. He sat on the ledge of the second floor of the tree, just quietly watching his people go about their day. They’ve been through a lot, and he admired their resilience through it all.
“There’s my favourite little man.”
“Vi.” he scoffs as the corner of his lips raises in a barely visible smile.
She sits next to him with a plop, “I don’t think i’ll ever get used to this place. It’s very rejuvenating.”
“Why? Did something happen?”
He knows her well enough to know something had gone down, judging by the slight harshness in her voice.
She sighs before continuing, “I broke up with Caitlyn.”
Oh…
Jinx would be rolling in her grave with both anger and joy, he thinks.
“Why?” he hesitantly asks; not sure if she’s inviting him to ask or not.
“Nothing in particular, I guess. We just started arguing a lot over the past few months, about our families. I felt like she was allowed to be loud while grieving her mom, and I had to grieve on the down low when it came to Jinx. As much as I love her, how can I be with someone I can’t share all of myself with? She’ll be fine without me.”
“Was that really the last resort, though? She made you happy.”
Vi scoffs before hitting his shoulder with hers.
“As if you ever even liked her. What would you do if someone you dated hated Jinx so much they wouldn’t even let you say her name?”
Ekko’s mind raced. What would he do?
“I’m not interested in dating anyway. So, not an issue.”
He was interested in dating at some point. With one girl who left too soon.
“Maybe not right now, but you eventually will.” she says fondly.
“No, I never was interested, never will be either.” he huffs, sounding meaner than he meant to.
All of a sudden, a smug grin takes over Vi’s face.
His face droops a little, and he knows he’s about to be drilled.
“So,” she wraps her arm around his shoulder, barely containing the amusement in her voice, “who is she?”
“Who is who? Weren’t you talking about your girlfriend anyway?”
“Not my girlfriend anymore, ouch. Now, distract me from my misery. Who’s the lucky girl?”
His eyes widen when he realises Vi’s onto him. He straightens his posture, and puts on a neutral expression, hoping Vi won’t notice any more than she already did.
“No one.”
She raises her eyebrow in disbelief.
“Now I’m sure there’s someone. Spill.”
“Vi, seriously, there’s nothing I want to talk about less.”
“Aw, come on. Remember when you told me about your little crush on Powder?”
He jerked under her, nervous all of a sudden. He turned his face away, determined not to let Vi in on his tiny secret crush that he barely even acknowledges himself.
“That was ages ago. And I didn’t tell you anything, you pretty much forced it out of me.”
Vi gasped immediately, trying to meet his eyes. And when he refused to even look in her direction, her smile dropped.
“Ekko, did you… or– do you still like her?”
“I don’t!” it came out way faster than intended, immediately giving away the fact that he was lying straight through his teeth.
“Sure, buddy.”
If he can talk to anyone, it’s Vi. He knows he won’t ever get better if he refuses to acknowledge any of what happened, or what he feels.
“Sometimes, I think I won’t ever forget. Everything is moving forward, and I’m still stuck where I was. It’s been almost a year, and the void gets bigger everyday.”
If Vi was startled at his random spilling, she didn’t show it. She just stayed quiet, waiting for him to unscramble his own thoughts; which have clearly not even been processed before.
“I know I’m supposed to be trying to get over he– I mean, over things. But, it won’t leave me alone.”
“You should move on, not forget, just get on with your life. And you’re doing it Ekko, you’re doing so much good for Zaun.”
“It feels meaningless. I accomplished what I wanted. Now what?”
“Now you live– for yourself.”
“I only ever wanted one thing for myself.”
“Good, go get it then.”
His voice is barely above a whisper when he says defeatedly, “ Can’t. ”
*
“Hey, Ekko?”
“Yeah?”
She giggled behind her hand, in a way he learnt recently that mischief was about to ensue.
His heart nearly melted at how she looked. She looked light, free of burden, and strong, in a way he hadn't seen her before. She still has a long road to happiness and contentness, but for now, her progress is insurmountable.
Before he could blink, the paintbrush she held dragged across his chest in a large, pink ‘X’.
“Now people will know you’re on my side.”
I’m always on your side, he wanted to say. But he didn’t. And he didn’t know he’d regret not saying anything.
“You sure this is enough? It’s barely visible.” he says, fighting a smirk.
She pretends to consider, “you’re right. Needs a little more…” she gets close to him again, and it has him almost hyperventilating. Ekko prays he’s not being obvious with how much the proximity affects him, and he balls his fists, hoping it’ll stop him from doing anything reckless, like tackling her in an embrace– something he hadn’t stopped thinking about doing over the last forty days.
She starts drawing some more X’s on him, and he just lets her. He wouldn’t mind people thinking he’s on her team. In fact, he’s prayed for times like this.
“Aren’t you worried?” she says softly.
“About what?”
“The war. And everything after. I know we’re on decent terms now–”
Decent terms, she says. He scoffs at that. If decent terms meant letting her paint all over him, letting her get all in his space, and him enjoying her presence, then he’d be damned to know what being on good terms with her would be like.
“Don’t make fun!” she pouts,”I mean, what if you’re just getting along with me now, and then you remember all I’ve done–”
“Jinx,” he carefully touches her cheek, and his heart skips a beat when he sees her eyes flutter, “I meant every single word I said before, and I intend to keep every promise I made.”
His fingers dip into the green bucket of paint near them, before trailing over the scars on her tattooed arm.
“I know we can’t erase all the hurt between us, but I’m sure we can build on top of it. As much as I hurt you,” his eyes rake to where he once punched her, “and as much as you once hurt me, we’ll get over it, together. Scars are just reminders of everything we survived.”
Her eyes sparkle a little at his words, before replying, “alright, tuff tuff. I think we’ll be just fine. Between your saviour complex, and my… colorful personality, we make a good team.”
“Pfft. oh, you’re colorful, alright.”
“And you,” she pokes his chest, “just loooove this mess of colors.”
Most beautiful and damning mess of colors.
“So full of yourself,” he rolls his eyes, yet a genuine smile splays on his face. “Now, allow me to add just a little more color.”
He draws a giant star on her side, hoping it’ll remind her what she is. A star who shines so bright. Maybe one day she’ll see what he sees too.
Then he draws his symbol with a crown on top of it, and when she sees it, she dissolves in a fit of giggles. He just smiles as he waits for her to calm, so she can tell him what’s so funny.
“Who’s full of themself now?”
“Just wanted to know you’re on my side.”
Her expression forms into something gentle, “I am, silly.”
“I know– it just doesn’t feel real. You have no clue how long I’ve wanted this.” he breathes out shakily.
“Wasn’t I worth it, though?” she teases.
“Always worth it, blue.” Yet, Ekko’s completely serious.
“Oh…” she breathes it out like she’s shocked. “Gross.”
He blinks twice, before laughter erupts both of them.
*
“You’ve done good with the orphanages.”
“Thanks, I just hope the kids are genuinely safe there.”
“They are– at least at the lanes orphanage.”
“You’ve been there?”
“Yeah, Sevika sent me on some business a few months back. A kid needed escorting to the orphanage.”
“How’s the kid doing?”
“Good. she’s actually here for tonight.”
“Gee, ekko. You even brought her here?
“I would have her live here full time– the other kids really like her too. It’s just swamped and she’d be neglected.”
“Your saviour complex is working overtime.” vi huffs.
Ekko just shrugs.
“There’s too many kids and the caretakers we have are already running thin. The lady at the orphanage seems nice.”
“No way, the mean brunette lady?”
“Well… she’s a brunette, I think. Don’t know about mean.”
“Well, damn. Me and her tore each other up during construction. Hate her guts.”
“Isha doesn’t completely hate her though.”
She gasped.
“W- Isha? Like the mute kid?” Vi froze up at the name, and she seemed like she was trying to convince herself of something. Ekko wasn’t sure what to make of her surprise.
“Yeah, you know her?”
“Holy shit.” was all Vi could mutter.
She tensed before turning to him.
“Where is she?”
“Just downstairs. Wait Vi–”
Vi was already up and headed towards the stairs.
Ekko caught up to her and stood in her way.
“Stop, just how do you know her?”
“Ekko, move.” she whispered.
“Not until you spill.”
One look at Vi and he could tell something had got her emotional. And that usually involved Jinx.
“Is it ‘cause she’s a Jinxer?”
“Isha’s not just a Jinxer!”
Ekko was a little taken aback at her yelling, and crossed his arms, trying to contain the anger threatening to bubble through him.
“So, who is she?”
“She– Jinx– fuck.” Vi took a deep breath in before continuing, “she’s Jinx’s kid. She took care of her for months before we thought she died.”
Isha’s the kid Jinx talked about?
Now a lot was making sense.
Yet, he couldn’t help the lurch in his stomach. It was like a punch to the gut. He has been looking after the last piece Jinx had left without knowing.
No wonder the kid was a brat. He should’ve smelled the attitude miles away.
“Go ahead, Vi. g-go see her.”
Vi squeezed his shoulder comfortingly before booking it down the stairs as if Isha would disappear if she went any slower.
Once Vi was out of sight, he slumped against the closest wall, his breaths getting shallower with the seconds. He tries to focus on something else, to divide his attention away from what’s about to come– but it’s to no avail. He hoped he could at least avoid getting an attack anywhere where people could see him, but it was bound to happen.
He just didn’t think it would be over a kid Jinx took care of. ‘ Jinx’s kid’ vi had called her. That was all even before he found her, back when he thought she was beyond help. While he thought that, she was taking care of a kid, she freed many zaunites from stillwater, and threatened Piltover’s regime. And what did he do? Give up on her.
His hand clutches at his chest, like it has hundreds of times now, his other hand holding his temples. Ekko’s chest heaves, and he does his best to take in deeper breaths, trying to calm himself down.
He should get up.
He can’t.
He should go find Vi and Isha.
He can’t.
He shouldn’t cry thinking about Jinx.
He can’t.
Whoever said scars heal with time didn’t know what they were talking about; they’ve clearly never lost a jinx of their own.
A few minutes later, Ekko pulls himself together before anyone could see him, going to where he assumed Isha was hanging out at last he’s seen her.
Ekko couldn’t even bother to hide his surprise at the sight.
There, Vi was on her knees, hugging Isha really tight. And Isha was hiccuping, as if almost in tears. He’s just glad Isha had someone from her past, maybe it’ll help her open up.
Isha pushes Vi off slowly, then wipes at her eyes furiously.
“Look, kid. I’m here for you, in any way you want. Jinx would be so proud to see you all grown.”
Isha flinches a little when she spots Ekko.
‘ You know jinx?”
“Yeah, she’s a friend.” he smiles fondly.
‘Why didn’t you say?’
“I-i didn’t realise you knew her.” he looks between her and Vi, hoping she’d do something to get him out of the situation
“Look at the kid, all decked out in jinx.”
‘ He’s sometimes very silly ’
“Pfft. I know.” Vi laughs.
Ekko once again can’t hide his surprise, “you know sign language?”
“Eh, a little. Picked it up in jail. How else would we fool the guards?” Vi says, looking so unnecessarily smug.
‘ I went to jail once.’ Isha for once in his short time of knowing her looked interested in talking about herself, so he had to conceal his delight in hopes she’d tell them more.
“Why’d they jail a kid?” Vi laughs.
‘ They took everyone to jail. Jinx got me out.’
Ekko doesn’t miss how her eyes unfocus for a moment, as if remembering a distant memory.
‘ I don’t want to talk anymore.’
Well, they tried.
“Does Sevika know she’s here?” Vi asks after a minute of awkward silence.
Isha’s head snaps in Vi’s direction. ‘ You know sevika?’
“Wait, you know sevika?” ekko questions Isha. it made sense that Jinx’s kid-that’s-not-actually-her-kid would know Sevika who was the last standing adult in Jinx’s life. Yet, it never crossed his mind.
‘ Where is she?’
*
Two hours before they had to leave, and he was a ball of nerves.
Jinx insisted on adding some final touches on her gun, and he could only stay and keep her company. He had to, of course. Not like he had a choice or anything.
“Have you ever thought of leaving Zaun?”
“Not really. You?”
“Not until last week. The idea sounds very tempting.”
“Where would you go?”
“Anywhere that’s not here. Why wouldn’t you want to leave?”
Ekko takes a second to think of an answer, “I guess I have too many responsibilities here. And I like Zaun.”
Jinx hums in acknowledgment, and it seems like she has more to say, but he doesn’t push.
“Hand me that screwdriver.” she points in a random direction, expecting him to understand which screwdriver she wants exactly.
He looks at what she’s doing, figuring out which size she requires, before extending it to her.
“You’re very helpful sometimes– when you’re not bossing people around.”
“Hey! I don’t boss people around.” he yanks the screwdriver back and out of her reach, “besides, it’s kinda in the job description.”
She snorts and makes her way to him, hands reaching for the screwdriver, “that’s why you have people running around calling you boss. Boss I’ve meditated today! Boss I heard the tree talking to me! Boss, the grass is green today! Boss, boss, boss!” she mocks him, as he fights off a laugh. He knows it’ll inflate her ego if he laughs, and he just can’t have that.
Instead, he kept moving the screwdriver out of her reach, until they were pretty much walking in circles around each other.
“Just hand it over, Ekko.” she snaps when she stumbled over his feet. His other arm reaches to steady her around the waist. “And I pray you get to laugh sometime. You look like you’re holding back a shit ton of things. Why so serious?” she mumbles the last bit, as her index knocks into his forehead. Ekko holds her hand in place, his fingertips tingling a little at the contact.
He just stares into her eyes, basking in the mischievous glint of it. Everything about her screams trouble, and yet, he can’t help being drawn to her.
“Huh, boss?” she whispers, looking at him through her eyelashes.
“Wha-” his grip on the screwdriver falters, and the shit-eating grin on his face forms into a flustered one.
“Thought you got off on being called boss. Don’t you–” she starts innocently, “ –boss?
Fuck.
He was so utterly screwed, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“You look constipated,” Jinx laughs at her own joke.
“Say something!”
I love you.
What? No!
I love you so so much.
Even worse!
I love being around you so much I’d consider leaving Zaun with you.
God help him.
“I missed you.” he finally breathed out.
“Pow-”
“No, you. I just missed you.”
“I’m here.”
“I know, I just– I was worried about you. I’m glad you’re feeling better now.”
“Sorry, for worrying you, I guess.” she pouts.
“Don’t be. Just- can I…?”
Both his arms went down to his sides; the screwdriver abandoned somewhere he hadn’t bothered to look. His breath caught in his throat when he realised he was still holding her hand.
They stood face to face, only inches apart, eyes locked in deeply.
“Can you what?”
He looks at her and bites his lip, to which she grunts, “out with it! What is it that you want?”
“A hug.” he whispers, part of him hoping she didn’t hear it.
She didn’t say anything, just moving even closer to him, until her feet were in between his, barely an inch separating them now.
“Go for it.” Jinx says, gently.
Before he could process what he was doing, his arms rushed around her shoulders, one hand planted on her back, the other cradling her head.
He thinks he hears her sigh in relief, but he can’t be too sure.
All he knows is that he’s hugging her so tightly he’s afraid he’ll break her, and that she relaxes into him.
Her arms snake around his waist, pulling them impossibly closer.
He breathes in her hair, eyes shut as they stay still and enjoy the hug.
Ekko was a starved man; he didn’t know how badly he needed her until he had her. And now, he’s unsure he’ll ever be able to let go.
“Jinx?” he whispers, afraid of shattering the moment.
“Hm?”
“I don’t want to let go.” he breathes out, “ever.”
“So, don’t.”
His eyes flutter shut again, as he cradles her head closer, pulling her into him even more.
He sighs.
For once, he felt just truly comfortable. Holding her and being held by her was something he didn’t just want, but needed– craved, even. And Ekko would be damned if he let go first.
“You’re so comfortable.” he says into her head, slightly smelling her after.
“What are you sniffing for?”
Ekko felt her shoulders shake in silent laughter. He couldn’t even bring himself to be embarrassed.
“Just because.”
She buried her face deeper into his neck, sniffing back in return.
“Tickles.”
“Deal with it.”
Ekko felt her warm breath on his neck, and for the first time, was hyper aware of what they’re doing. Did it stop him from tightening his hold even more? Of course not.
“Ekko, I think it’s time.”
His whole body shakes with need, with longing. Then, he lets go, stepping away slightly.
If Jinx saw the tears in his eyes, she didn’t mention it.
“Come on, boy saviour.”
“Let’s go, blue.”
*
And that’s how they all ended up at Sevika’s house, Ekko and Vi staring awkwardly at each other, while Isha clings onto Sevika’s side like a lifeline.
They’d decided Vi would stay with the firelights and help with the kids, and mostly Isha. Ekko would deal with pulling her out of the orphanage. Sevika would get Isha over the weekends.
Was it ideal? Probably not. Did they still do this for months after? Yes.
Vi and Isha spent a lot of time together, and eventually got closer. Isha still has a hard time opening up, but it got slightly better with Sevika in the picture– she’d talk to only her about Jinx and what happened. And truthfully, Ekko didn’t even know Sevika could be nice to someone like that. Yes, Isha’s a kid. But how is Sevika not even a tiny bit sadistic towards her like she is to everyone else?
As long as it made Isha happy, he was happy. Her progress was remarkable too; she even managed to convince– or threaten, he doesn’t know which– the teachers at her school to learn and teach sign language.
All he could think about was how proud Jinx would be. From what Sevika had filled him in on, Jinx and Isha were as close as close can get. They shared a bond that was unique to just them.
Now, after a year and a half of her death, Ekko still can’t hear her name without it feeling like a punch to the gut. Every good thing that happens to Zaun after feels bittersweet without her, especially knowing how hard she fought for it at some point.
She still takes over his waking thoughts, and still conquers his dreams. If he sees anything blue, he remembers her. If he sees anything sweet, he also remembers her. Heck, even looking at the sky, he remembers her.
He doesn’t dare let his thoughts go to the what-if’s. Because he knows it’ll break him; knowing they could’ve had something and didn’t.