Chapter Text
The sun shone through the window into Khaotung's room, lighting up the figure curled up on the bed. As always, he had been sitting on the bed with his head on his knees for what felt like an eternity.
Khaotung sighed. He was all alone, again. The tears on his face had dried up and his aching heart had finally turned into stone but yet, he hated the fact that he still had feelings, even though he didn't want that. Only if he could get all of that over with, but he couldn't. Not because he's scared, but because… because he's supposed to be the strong one. The one to protect his brother, the older one. And obviously, as always, he always failed to keep his promises.
Running two jobs at twenty six, and taking care of his twenty one year old brother, mostly alone by himself, was… harder than he thought. He had two companies and a brother to take care of, what was so hard? Why did he not believe in himself?
Because if he did, his parents probably would have been alive. Just if Khaotung did believe in himself…
“Phi Khaotung!” A younger boy's voice echoed into his ear from outside the room. And Khaotung looked up, staring outside onto the living room to see his brother, Matthew, standing there, calling out to him. The boy was tall, taller than Khaotung. He looked older than his age, mostly because of his voice and appearance. His skin was slightly lighter, compared to the tan Khaotung had gotten recently. And his face was oval-shaped, unlike Khaotung's which was diamond-shaped.
“Yes?” Khaotung answered, getting up from the bed abruptly and picking up his phone from the nightstand. He had been zoning out for so long that he hadn't even realised how long it had been. 2:23, the time had said.
He watched Matthew sit at the dining table, taping his nails on the furnished wood. “You're not gonna eat? Food’s cold,” he insisted, his brows furrowed slightly. He was not used to Khaotung being like that. He was used to him being cold sometimes, but forgetting to eat? That's… not fine.
Khaotung forced a smile on his face as he looked at his brother. He walked closer and gently patted Matthew's back. “Um… I'll eat. I was just… reading, yeah,” he murmured, staring at the plate of food on the table which was covered with another plate.
“You don't have classes today?” Khaotung looked back at his brother and asked, tilting his head slightly.
Matthew's eyes furrowed further and he stood up from his chair, staring at Khaotung in disbelief. “It's the weekend, phi!” He pressed. Khaotung had always been so cautious with scheduling, dates and days. And he forgot that it's the weekend, the only time when he got the minimal amount of rest? There's no way…
“Oh…” Khaotung's smile disappeared for a second before reappearing. “I… should eat.” He sat down on a chair, removing the plate covering the food.
Matthew just sat there, staring at his brother. He wasn't dumb. He knew something was wrong. But he couldn't point out what. Something… something had always been wrong, something that's just… not how it should be. Not how it was when their parents were alive, not how it was almost a decade ago. But now… somehow, he felt like it was getting worse. This… this whole thing… whatever was going on… it kept getting worse while he was completely clueless. He had an idea of how things were, but even that idea was merely… a guess.
And with every day that was passing, Matthew felt like he was losing more and more of his brother, of his real brother, of the brother he had been knowing for his whole life. But he knew there was no point in pushing Khaotung about whatever was happening. Because he knew he wouldn't tell him. He never did. He never shared anything with Matthew. Anything at all. With anyone.
“How's First doing?” Khaotung's sudden question caught Matthew off guard. First, Matthew's best friend since high school. Khaotung and First had been talking about each other a lot these days. Occasionally, Khaotung seemed to hate that boy. He had a habit of flirting with whoever he could find and being bisexual was totally in his favour. He was always straightforward, bold and almost never hid his emotions. Or in Khaotung's opinion, in one word, he was shameless.
“F-first?” Matthew's eyes widened slightly at his mention. “He's doing quite alright… I guess. Haven't talked to him today yet,” he murmured, searching for any change in Khaotung's expression as he continued eating.
But Khaotung's face remained neutral, unreadable, as always. Matthew noticed that lately he had barely seen Khaotung show any expression. At all. Aside from the cold expression he usually wore as the CEO, the only other expression he had given, only reserved to Matthew, was that smile, even which now seemed fake.
“Oh… He hadn't come over for a while either,” Khaotung murmured, the tone of his voice almost wondering. “Did you have a fight?” He asked.
“No, we didn't.” Matthew shrugged. “He's probably been busy with projects and all. He's an architecture student, after all.”
Khaotung finished his food, standing up from the table. He looked at Matthew, gave a slight nod before walking to the kitchen to get some water.
Matthew followed after him, standing abruptly behind as he fetched some water from the filter into a glass. “He said he'd come over today though,” Matthew murmured.
Khaotung nodded, trying to act unbothered. “Okay,” he murmured, gulping down the glass of water. “And?”
Matthew shook his head gently. “Just thought you might want to know.” He shrugged, getting out of the kitchen and into his room.
Khaotung, himself, walked back to his own room, his cold facade fading for a second as he sat on the bed and focused back on that tree outside the window. He didn't want to think about anything. He just wanted to blend in somewhere where no one would ask him what he was doing, why he was doing, where he was going. Just somewhere far away from those painful memories and feelings.
But he was afraid that's not possible. Wherever he went, those memories would chase him down, no matter what, no matter how.
“First! You're here?” Matthew's voice startled First slightly as he hugged his best friend back. It wasn't new. They were like kids when they were together, playful, loud but they both were quite mature individually. First looked around, his hand patting Matthew's back as he looked for a sign of the older.
After a while, Matthew pulled away from the tight embrace. “It’s been long,” Matthew murmured.
First laughed out, wrapping his arm around Matthew's shoulder. “It's been a day, idiot,” he replied, resulting in a laugh from Matthew as well as they walked to Matthew's room in the corner.
First sat on the corner of Matthew's room, taking in the familiar scent of the medium sized room. It had been over a month since he had a sleepover with his best friend. After scanning the light blue walls of the room confidently, his eyes drifted outside the room onto the silence of the living room. Matthew's house was always silent, unlike First's, full of chaos. A small smile took over First as he thought about the reason for that silence.
“Looking for phi Khao?” Matthew called out. First turned to look at him and didn't even need to respond for Matthew to know the answer. “He's probably in his room again, sitting alone and scrolling on his phone, maybe.”
First nodded, looking out at the living room again. “Should I-” He attempted to get up from the bed to go Khao.
But Matthew grabbed his hand, making him sit back down. “Don't,” he persisted. “I don't think he wants to talk to anyone right now, especially you.”
First rolled his eyes, laughing. “Why? What's wrong with me?”
“He doesn't like you, duh.”
First called Matthew's words as bluff. “Why would that be?”
“Cause you're shameless, First.”
First chuckled. “Okay. Can't argue.”
Khaotung's head leaned against the headboard of his bed as he stared at the empty white mattress. He was thinking about things that were never bound to come back, memories that were supposed to fade away by now, as always.
His phone was on the bed, air pods connected through Bluetooth, deep in his ears, trying to blend out the sounds inside his mind through the sounds of music. He had no idea what song he was listening to at this point, he just opened Spotify and put on a random playlist and closed his eyes.
Even after putting on that loud music, he couldn't focus on the song. Instead, his focus shifted to the background sounds of Matthew and First laughing.
He knew First had just arrived. He heard their voices in the living room. But he didn't have the strength to go and check, especially not First. He'd drain him out even more.
But there was no point in spending his time like that, like a depressed teenager, not when he had responsibilities to take care of.
Khaotung took a deep breath, stretching his hands as he sat up straight on the bed. Putting the airpods back in its case and into the drawer of the bedside table, he put his phone aside and got up, making his way to the living room. It wasn't much of a mess, like before. Matthew had grown up or whatever.
He grabbed the vacuum cleaner, starting it and cleaning around the living room. They had a maid but there were some things he made the maid stay away from, things like vacuuming or doing laundry. Because sometimes, cleaning gave Khaotung a peace of mind, it made him focus on a single task and kept his mind from wandering.
Cleaning around the living room, as soon as he reached the end of Matthew's room, he felt First's big eyes on him, staribg him down like a lost puppy. He couldn't help but roll his eyes when First gave him a teasy smile. “Matt, do the laundry,” Khaotung ordered.
Matthew gave a single look at First. “Khrab, phi,” he nodded and murmured, getting out of the room.
As soon as Matthew left, First's smile got wider as he got up from the bed and clung to Khaotung's arm. “Khaotung!” He yelled gently, almost making Matthew turn around.
Khaotung rolled his eyes and brushed First away, entering Matthew's room to clean up. “Khaotung, look at me!” First walked in front of the vacuum.
Khaotung ignored him again, vacuuming somewhere else. “Khaotung!” First called out playfully again.
Khaotung snapped and stood up straight. “Hey, don't you have any manners at all? Phi Khaotung. I'm way older than you,” he complained, shaking his head as he put his hand on his hip.
First pouted, relieved that Khaotung talked to him now. “You're acting like a dad,” he complained. “You're my best friend's brother so technically, you're also my friend.”
Khaotung huffed, focusing back on cleaning. “That's not how it works.”
“Then how does it work? Show me!” First whined, getting in front of the vacuum machine again.
Khaotung bit his lip, frustrated. “How hard is it to just… leave me alone? You're here for Matt. Stay at Matt. Stop trying to make me your friend. I don't like you.”
First chuckled but didn't say anything, stepping away from the vacuum machine. He knew that wasn't true. Khaotung liked it, even if a little bit, he had to. How could he not?
As Khaotung was about to leave Matthew's room after finishing cleaning, Matthew finally came back. First laughed at him because he looked unhinged, as always. “What took you so long to put clothes in the machine?” Khaotung asked, obviously annoyed with that big kid.
“I was looking for my socks, khrab,” Matthew murmured, smiling awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his head.
“And where did you find them?” Khaotung asked again.
Matthew hesitated before answering. “... Under the couch.”
An instant smack was put on his head by Khaotung. “Ow…” Matthew whined.
“Grow up!” Khaotung persisted and left the room, setting the vacuum machine aside.