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The Guide had never been one for much indulgence. Or, at least not since becoming the Guide - whoever she had been previously had been hedonistic and self-indulgent enough to wind up in perpetual servitude, so perhaps she had simply used up her share of indulgence early.
The Guide prided herself on her self-control, her competence, her abstinence. But every now and then she would catch herself watching one of the other vampires deeply immersed in some sort of sinful pleasure and yearn for that kind of freedom.
None more so than her former boss - and her yearning around Nadja was a little more complicated.
Nadja had somehow drawn the Guide in without even trying, or noticing, and now so utterly consumed the Guide's senses that she was the first thought during the Guide's waking hours as well as the last (and often appeared in her slumber as well).
Of course, there was lust - how could there not be, with Nadja looking like that - but her feelings were deeper and more nuanced than that. The Guide envied her effortless confidence, her self-assurance, and found herself admiring Nadja as a mentor, a friend. She was funny where the Guide was dull, sensual where the Guide was frigid, and had a ease and freedom that the Guide's anxiety couldn't even conceive of.
She was also a master of self-indulgence, and the Guide observed her with awe.
The way she selected the finest liquor blood and savoured it, her tongue chasing every last drop from her lips.
The way she applied her perfume carefully, luxuriously, generously and wore only fabrics that caressed her skin in a pleasurable way.
The way she reread her favourite books and rewatched her favourite films over and over again. The way she played cribbage with Dolly and had fresh flowers in every room and loved chatting with the nail technicians when Guillermo and her went to get pedicures.
Of course the Guide had also encountered Nadja and Laszlo, and occasionally Nandor as well, engaging in their carnal desires more times than she could count. It was clear that she would not be invited to take part in this particular activity and always quietly apologised and excused herself, unsure if any of them had even noticed she was there.
But she was content, the Guide told herself. She was a pinnacle of self-control and abstinence - and she had been the best at her job.
So it was a shock when one night, while sitting across from Nadja in the lounge room, that Nadja noticed her watching. She had been too fixated on the way Nadja's lips curved around her glass, the way her throat bobbed as she swallowed, the appreciative hum as the liquor blood settled on her tongue.
"What is it?" asked Nadja suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence that had diffused the room.
"I'm sorry?" asked the Guide, startled.
"You are staring very hard at my mouth - do I have something on my face?"
Nadja patted her chin delicately, licking into the corner of her lips and the Guide immediately felt a blush creep up her neck .
"Oh, sorry, I was… wondering how the liquor blood was, is all," said the Guide, avoiding her eyes.
"Delicious, obviously," replied Nadja, frowning. "Why would I drink something I didn't like?"
The Guide mumbled a placating response and focused on her hands twisting together in her lap, hoping that would be the end of it. Her ears still felt hot and hoped that Nadja hadn't noticed in the low light of the room.
"Have a little drinky yourself, if you don’t believe me. As if I would have bad taste." Nadja sounded mildly offended and poured some into a glass, pushing it across the table towards her.
"That's not what I meant, Nadja," said the Guide quickly. "I… wasn't doubting your taste, of course, you have wonderful taste in everything."
Nadja preened slightly, but her expression indicated she was well aware of this fact. She hummed in agreement, swirling her own glass and picked up her book again.
"I haven't really had much liquor blood to compare it to,” the Guide continued. ”I don't have the… uh, complexities of your palate."
Nadja frowned at her again.
"What do you mean? I've seen you drink liquor blood. You worked at a vampire nightclub for fucks sake."
The Guide nodded quickly. "Well, yes, but when I'm at the council and doing club security I had to be very present and ready to serve, so it was rare I was in a situation that I could allow myself to… indulge."
The crease between Nadja's eyebrows deepened and she let the book she was holding fall into her lap.
"But you don't work there anymore. You can do whatever you want."
"Right," said the Guide, wishing she was brave enough for that. "It's just… well, whenever I did something for enjoyment at the council, there was just this constant feeling of guilt. I don't really understand why, but I struggle to… let go of control. So I just stopped doing things that weren't essential."
Nadja shut the book and put it aside and now the Guide felt pinned into her chair by the entirety of her attention.
"You struggle to have fun?" Nadja said, phrasing it as a question but delivering it as fact.
The Guide grimaced. This was immediately humiliating, and she wished immediately that she hadn't said anything. But Nadja wasn't done.
"And this is because you feel as though you don't deserve it? So you pretend you like very boring things instead?" continued Nadja and the Guide was momentarily speechless.
She gaped, trying to understand how Nadja could have arrived at that conclusion so quickly and confidently. But Nadja just nodded sagely, as though the Guide's helpless expression confirmed enough. "I know this feeling."
"You know the feeling?" the Guide repeated incredulously. She stared at the woman across from her, so comfortable in her skin, and surroundings, and place in the world.
"Of course," Nadja said simply. When the Guide didn't say anything else, Nadja leaned forward.
"I have told you about my upbringing in Antipaxos," she said. "I grew up poorer than the poor. There were donkeys in the village with more drachmas than my family. If I spent my family's money on a new pair of socks or a jug of wine, we all eat less this week."
The Guide nodded and Nadja spat five times.
"Then when I was turned, everything changed," Nadja continued. "Suddenly I had power, and could take what I needed without permission. But…" She shrugged settling back against the couch, and began picking at the cushion in her lap. "...I struggled to accept this. When I turned Laszlo, I was still dressing in simple peasant garb. He couldn't believe it. You'll know my husband is exceptionally good at indulgence."
The Guide nodded - Laszlo was one of the most hedonistic vampires she had ever met, and that was saying a lot.
"Well, it took a while, but eventually he showed me I was allowed to eat better than I needed, just because it was delicious. If I ate a noble woman, I could take her dresses and wear them and enjoy the attention I got. I could gamble and drink and wear gold and fuck freely and I didn't have to worry about deserving it."
The Guide's chest felt tight, and was shocked that this seemed to be resonating with her so much.
"And that's what you're doing, I think, girly," finished Nadja. "Living small and scared when you should be big and bold. We're vampires for fuck sake. Like look at this - why are you still wearing all of this boring shit?" She gestured to the Guide's black robes, and the Guide suddenly didn't have an answer. " You don't work for the council anymore - wear something that feels nice. Where are the fun clothes I got you for the nightclub?"
"In my wardrobe," said the Guide quietly.
"Well, wear them! I have very good taste and you looked much less dull, darling. And have this bloody drink."
Nadja pushed it further across the table to her and Guide took it uncertainly.
"Go on!" she urged.
Hyper-aware of how weird she was behaving, the Guide took a tiny sip.
Immediately, she sighed with pleasure - it was easily the nicest liquor blood she had ever tasted. It was like rich, honeyed fruit, with a pleasant burn at the back of her throat. A grin split Nadja's face. "How is it?"
The Guide nodded, licking her lips, chasing the flavour settling on her tongue.
"Have more," Nadja said, watching her closely, and the Guide took another, longer sip.
"Good girl," Nadja murmured and the Guide coughed slightly, trying to cover it by drinking more. Nadja's gaze burned and the Guide felt that flush colouring her cheeks again. She still felt the familiar twinge of guilt at being needlessly indulgent, but Nadja's approval and encouragement seemed to silence that feeling, and the Guide found herself… actually enjoying it.
Nadja crossed her arms and tilted her head. She seemed to be considering something and the Guide hoped she didn't look as flustered as she felt.
"You are going to be my little project, darling," she said, clicking her tongue with finality.
"I'm sorry?" asked the Guide.
"Your pathetic uptightedness must get exhausting, and I think I understand why you are coiled tighter than a snake's asshole."
The Guide must have still looked confused.
"I'm going to help you learn to have fun," explained Nadja frankly. "And I do not do this ever, so I hope you understand how lucky you are."
"Nadja, it's-"
"Also you don't have a choice," Nadja said, smiling sweetly. She picked up her book again and then nodded at the drink in the Guide's hand. "Drink up."
---
It wasn't easy. The Guide had lived so long in abstinence and self-denial that even a tiny step towards pleasure seemed like an obscene display.
The next time she visited, she wore one of the outfits that Nadja had purchased for the nightclub, as well as her handsomest brooch, and found some lipstick from the 18th century that she tried to apply before becoming quickly overwhelmed.
She was practically glowing with self-consciousness when she entered the foyer, but Guillermo stopped in his tracks and commented that she looked nice - "different, I like it," he said with a smile.
She found Nadja in the good room with her tarot cards, who immediately looked the Guide up and down, making her shiver under the scrutiny. The Guide wished she had more practice with the lipstick.
But Nadja simply nodded with approval, and the Guide was weak with relief.
"How do you feel?" Nadja asked.
"Uh... very dressed up?" offered the Guide. "But I think I look more interesting to talk to."
Nadja nodded again in agreement.
"Much better, darling," she said, "Task 1 completed then."
"I have tasks to complete?" asked the Guide, a little too eagerly.
Assignments, rubrics, a way to measure success; now that was speaking her language.
Nadja shrugged and turned back to her card spread. "Sure, I guess. I was planning on just telling you what to do when I see a fun thing and you are being dull."
"Well then wouldn't drinking your liquor blood be Task 1?" asked the Guide.
Nadja looked up at her through her eyelashes, and the Guide shrunk back a little, but Nadja's tone was amused.
"Eager aren't you?" The Guide huffed an uncertain laugh, and Nadja looked back down at the cards. "Well then yes, you've technically completed two tasks. Good girl."
The Guide hoped Nadja didn't hear her sharp intake of breath, but based off the smugness of her smile, she certainly had.
---
Nadja wasn't lying when she declared the Guide her pet project. Nadja's interests peaked and waned and shifted quickly, but when she fixated on something, she was all in. And it was unsettling, her sudden attentiveness, patience and thoughtfulness towards the Guide.
The Guide had never been happier - Nadja's attention was like air to her (if she had still needed it). And now that she was increasingly affectionate with the Guide - her gaze lingering, her touches freer - the Guide was finding herself having to manage a distracting level of arousal as well.
One night the Guide had arrived and found the house in the middle of a darts tournament that Guillermo was struggling to referee.
The Guide had followed the sound of Nadja and Nandor’s voices, and come across Nandor throwing darts in between Colin's splayed fingers, and Nadja standing over Laszlo who was slumped in the couch with a book, deliberately avoiding her eye.
"Come on, Laszlo, we need two teams, you can read you bloody boring ship manuals some other time."
Laszlo puffed his pipe and steadfastly refused to look up.
"Get Gizmo to do it," he drawled.
"Guillermo is the referee," interrupted Nandor, missing the gap between Colin's fingers and piercing the middle of his palm. Guillermo winced but Colin was unfazed.
"Well then it looks like we are the winners by default," said Colin drily, pulling the dart out and hi-fiving Nandor with his bloodied palm.
At that moment Nadja glanced down the hall and spotted the Guide. The Guide's stomach flipped at the dramatic shift in Nadja's expression as she spotted her.
"Guidey! Yes, you'll be on my team, won't you?" Nadja said, striding towards her beaming.
"Uh," said the Guide, uncertain but unable to resist as Nadja grabbed her wrist and dragged her towards the others.
"A change in teammate is not permitted at this late stage of the tournament," protested Colin, adjusting his glasses.
"Nadja, I've never played this before," the Guide said under her breath, but Nadja pretended like she hadn't heard her.
Colin however, had, and immediately changed his tune. "Oh, ok. Well… in this case I will make the generous and diplomatic decision to allow it."
Nadja squealed with excitement and turned to face the Guide. "Don't worry about it, girly, it's just a bit of fun. Another task.”
"Nadja, I'm going to lose this game for you - I've never done this."
"It's just like throwing a dagger," offered Nandor, demonstrating with one from his belt. It landed in the wall next to Guillermo's head who immediately turned and glared and Nandor.
"Guillermo, what have I told you about standing there!" he complained.
"What have I told you about throwing daggers at me?" he retorted huffily.
"Yeesh, such a killjoy this guy," complained Nandor, rolling his eyes.
The Guide felt pressure mounting from all directions now. Until now, Nadja's tasks had been lower stakes, more private - prank calling people, facials with clay masks, glutting themselves on virgin blood. This felt like it had a high risk of failure and she was going to ruin everyone else's fun. She desperately did not want to be labelled a killjoy as well, but Nadja was looking at her with an open expression and her fingers were pressing into the soft part of her elbow, and-
"Ok," said the Guide.
"Good girl," said Nadja, squeezing her arm, making the Guide's breath stutter.
"Yes, good on you," offered Laszlo from the couch, not looking up from his book. Nadja rolled her eyes and pulled the Guide forward, explaining the rules. But the Guide was struggling to hear anything, take anything in, and felt as though she was just watching Nadja's mouth form words.
Colin went first, and was unsurprisingly very consistent. Nadja followed. The Guide couldn't keep up with the scoring, the numbers blurring together, the information unable to permeate her brain. She watched the shiny metal of the dart dance between Nadja's fingers as she twirled it, biting her lip as she aimed. She landed one in the middle (a bullseye?) and whooped, hi-fiving the Guide who met her hand clumsily in celebration.
Nandor then hit two bullseyes but his third didn't even land on the board, and he and Guillermo got into a brief argument about him being distracting.
"So you understand now?" asked Nadja, pressing the darts into her hand. The Guide nodded uncertainly, feeling faint. "It's a very simple task, darling," Nadja reassured her. "Remember a little healthy competition is very fun."
The Guide suddenly wished for some of Nadja's liquor blood to steady her nerves. She gripped the dart uncertainly in her fingers, and it felt foreign and unbalanced.
But as soon as she raised it and took aim, an incredible sense of calm took over. She understood what she had to do. She simply needed to hit the middle of the board.
She exhaled, sending the dart through the air where it landed cleanly in the middle of the red bullseye. Nadja whooped with surprise next to her, and with burgeoning confidence the Guide threw another, landing snugly next to the first.
"What the fuck?" she heard Nadja exclaim next to her with delight.
The Guide threw the final dart, landing a tidy triangle of darts clustered in the bullseye and Nadja whacked her fondly on the back. The Guide flushed with relief.
"I thought you said you'd never done this before?" said Guillermo, impressed.
"I haven't, but I do have very good hand-eye co-ordination," said the Guide, shrugging.
"Whoo-hoo," said Nadja grabbing her hand excitedly. The Guide felt ecstatic - this was the most dramatic rush of pleasure she had felt, the freest she had been in a very long time.
"Well you didn't mention that before, and I think that amounts to cheating," said Colin.
"Oh, shut it Colin Robinson," said Nadja dismissively.
"That sounds like how a loser would talk," added the Guide, made bold by her victory, and Nadja laughed with delight.
"The better option is to land in the triple 20s anyway," Colin said grumpily. "Bullseyes are worth fewer points than the triple 20-"
All of them hushed Colin Robinson, and he sullenly took the darts and lined up for his next shot, still muttering.
"He is correct though, darling," said Nadja, the happy glow of success still warming the Guide's insides.
The Guide nodded. "I think I understand the rules now."
"Are you having fun?"
The Guide nodded, smiling.
"Good girl, you're learning quickly." Nadja patted her cheek quickly before turning back to heckle Colin Robinson.
The Guide became aware of Guillermo's eyes tracking her and Nadja's movements and deliberately avoided looking in his direction.
Their new dynamic was noticeably different to before, and she felt quite protective of it. She was sure Nadja's attention and affection could sustain her alone - now that she had a taste of it she wasn't sure she could live without it. She would do anything Nadja said if it made her smile and praise her and squeeze her hand.
Guillermo looked thoughtful, and she tried not to let his attention rattle her.
By the time it was her turn again, she shot all three darts perfectly into the triple 20s and Nadja was dancing with delight while Colin and Nandor argued with Guillermo. Laszlo had even put down his book and was watching with detached interest.
By the time the Guide's turn came around again, she could feel a new tension.
"You need to score 57, no more, no less," explained Nadja seriously. "If not, it's likely they will win on the next round."
The Guide took a few steadying breaths and lined up her shots. The first two landed perfectly, exactly where she was hoping. As she lined up the last shot, Colin suddenly swung his hand in front of the Guide's face.
"Stop, stop, stop, her foot is currently over the line. If she takes this shot from this position, it will be considered a fault."
"What line?" asked the Guide, shifting her foot. The floor was blank.
"Look, if you don't know the rules of the game-" Colin started until Nadja shoved him out of the way.
"Here," she said brusquely, gripping Guide's waist with both hands and pulling her backwards. The Guide tensed, her feet tripping over themselves beneath her.
Nadja turned the Guide's hips slightly to a better angle and after nudging one of the Guide's feet into a better position, she let go, and the Guide's breath leaked out in a shudder.
"That's acceptable," said Colin Robinson. "Now take your final shot, and hurry up already."
"Yeah, hurry up," complained Nandor, already beginning to sulk in anticipation of a loss.
"Don't listen to these shrivelled scrotums, take your time," said Nadja, unaware of the affect she was having on the Guide. "But also; don't miss."
The Guide could feel the intensity of their gazes, her waist still burned from Nadja's touch, and she felt dizzy.
"Pressure's on," observed Laszlo lazily from the couch.
She raised the dart, trying to stop the trembling of her hand and channel the calm she had found before. Her mind was still screaming about Nadja's touch, but she breathed and tuned it out, as she had gotten so adept at doing over the years of working together.
Then, to everyone's surprise, as soon as the dart left her hand the board jumped unsubtly a foot to the left, and her dart buried itself in the wall behind.
"Nandor!" Nadja screeched, turning immediately to him. His expression was written with poorly-concealed guilt.
"What?" he asked unconvincingly. "What did I do?"
"We were about to win!" Nadja yelled shoving him hard in the chest.
"And I used my lateral thinking to secure a victory for my own team," he responded, shoving her back.
"Don't you shove my wife like that, and who the hell taught you that phrase?" accused Laszlo, rising from the couch, and all at once it was an all out yelling match.
The Guide shrunk into the corner, ducking beneath the flying objects and Guillermo came to stand next to her.
"For what it's worth, I think that would have been the winning shot," he offered.
"Thank you," she said.
They stood and observed the four brawling vampires, wincing as Nadja broke the dart board in half over Nandor's head.
"Again," Guillermo sighed, shaking his head before turning to the Guide and considering her profile.
"I like seeing this side of you," he said.
The Guide pressed her lips together, a little embarrassed at being perceived so astutely.
"Nadja decided that I needed to have more fun. And… indulge more."
Guillermo raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"I'm sort of her… project," said the Guide. "Teach-the-Guide-how-to-have-fun project."
"Huh," mused Guillermo. "That seems unusually generous of her."
The Guide nodded. "I don't get a choice in the matter."
"That makes more sense," he said. "Well… I'm glad. Maybe you can give me some pointers."
The Guide smiled at him and stood watching the vampires brawl for a few moments longer.
"I'll let them tire themselves out a bit longer, then I'll step in," Guillermo said, and it sounded like he was reasoning with himself.
The Guide nodded, marvelling at how Nadja's fury somehow seemed to bring out more of her natural beauty. She was so present and comfortable in her own skin. The Guide wanted to be like her, to be her, to know her in every way she was could. She was powerless against Nadja, and didn't want to be anywhere else.
---
The Guide was marginally more prepared the next time Nadja summoned her, but only just.
"I'm needed in the basement?" said the Guide. "I didn't even know there was a basement here."
Guillermo shrugged. "I don't know, I feel like they forgot too. Anyway, Nadja said she needs you down there asap."
As the Guide stood in the lift, lurching as it clunkily made its descent, she felt a tiny flicker of excitement. It could be almost anything in the world that Nadja could be summoning her for, and she would attend to it no questions asked. At some point, her anxiety around the tasks Nadja was setting her had shifted into a tentative excitement. She was learning how to embrace the fear of the unknown, the thrill of failure, the discomfort of something new. It wasn't easy, exactly, and she still didn't fully understand why Nadja had decided to take her under her wing like this but she wouldn't change it for a second.
To Nadja's credit, she paid attention to when the Guide genuinely didn't seem to enjoy something. They had tried massages - Nadja had the same masseuse for thirty years, who still did housecalls and dug her arthritic, knobbled hands into Nadja's foot arches, happily chatting away. But this very much exceeded the Guide's threshold for physical touch and although she had tried to be enthusiastic for Nadja, the other woman could clearly tell she was uncomfortable.
"You're not going to like everything, darling, the point is you try them," Nadja had said diplomatically, and then got Helga to finish off the Guide's session on her own feet. The Guide found she much preferred watching Nadja moan with relief under Helga's expert touch, head tipped back in pleasure.
Equally, Poker had been a bust - the Guide was sure she could lie, but didn't seem to be able to do it under pressure. Nadja and Colin were getting quite impatient as she floundered once again, unable to comprehend the stakes or the concept of 'bluffing'. She had been able to fool Nadja plenty of times before... the curse, Morrigan Manor... but Colin was overcomplicating the rules which put the Guide in her head, but she found she just didn't really care about the gambling, and therefore was finding it difficult to commit to her deception.
Eventually Nadja tossed down her cards and asked "Are you having fun, Guidey?" and when she sheepishly shook her head, Nadja threw her hands up. "Right, well lets go have a lie down and a drink then, cos neither am I, playing against you two."
There had been surprising successes though - throwing items into a bonfire. The soft clink of Nadja's gifted jewellery around her neck and wrists, shifting together. Having her hair brushed and braided (by Nadja). Harmonising along to the piano with Dolly. Each of these things lit the Guide up inside in a way she had been unfamiliar with and intimidated by beforehand. She could feel herself becoming a little more open, more nuanced, more full.
Whatever Nadja had summoned her for today though was a mystery - the lift doors opened to reveal a large room, filled with scientific paraphernalia, covered in a fine layer of dust. As she took a few hesitant steps she heard voices echoing from further along, and followed a hallway down into another room that opened up into what looked like a typical British pub, combined with a crypt and sort of an storage unit.
In the middle under a dim light were Nadja, Laszlo and Nandor crowded around a table. The Guide always moved silently even when she wasn't trying to, so she was practically stood next to them by the time they noticed her.
"Fucking hell," said Laszlo, jumping as he saw her at his elbow.
But Nadja glanced up and smiled at her. "Finally! Next task for you darling - pool!"
She was holding a cue stick and watching as Nandor lined up a shot and hit the ball so hard it flew off the table.
"I know of pool," the Guide said slowly. "But I've never played it."
Nadja gave her a rundown of the rules while Nandor hunted through scraps of metal and broken chairs for the cue ball.
"So why is she here exactly?" interrupted Laszlo, jabbing his thumb in the Guide's direction.
The Guide stiffened, but Nadja glared at him.
"Because she doesn't know how to have fun."
"Too true," he said, glancing sideways at the Guide who frowned.
"And I'm teaching her!" Nadja finished testily, daring Laszlo to continue.
Knowing his limits, he simply shrugged and gestured to the table. "No skin off my back, I'm not the one stuck with Nandor."
"Wait, I'm not on your team?" asked the Guide.
Nadja shook her head. "If Laszlo and I are on competing sides in pool we do not finish the game. You're with Captain Cue Ball over there."
While the Guide was trying to figure out if that meant that they would get too distracted by arguing with one another or fucking one another, Nandor appeared again with the cue ball.
"Found it. And I also made a mouse friend under there," he said, pointing to a broken wardrobe in the corner. "Lewis."
Nadja rolled her eyes, plucking the ball from his hand and placing it back on the table.
Her tongue ran across her lips as she eyed the table, lining shots up with her eyes and evaluating them, and the Guide was trying to follow her logic when she bent over and the Guide's gameplay went out the window.
Nadja was directly opposite her, and while her dress hadn't seemed low-cut standing up, when she was bent across the table, adjusting the pool cue daintily with her fingers the Guide felt her eyes widen and despite her best efforts, couldn't look away. Nadja took the shot, cracking the ball expertly into another that ricocheted into one the side pockets. This broke the spell, and when she stood up again the Guide glanced away, trying to get her bearings. She accidentally caught Laszlo's eye who was looking at her with amusement.
"You're up, girly," said Nadja, coming to stand next to her and handing her the cue she had just used. "Just copy what I did. You're solids."
The Guide fumbled with the cue, trying to line it up as Nadja had. This felt miles more clumsy than darts had - it was an unnatural, learned movement, and she did not have the practice to execute it well. She managed to hit the cue ball successfully, but it hit drifted woozily off to the side and hit one of the striped balls first.
"I'll take that extra shot," said Laszlo, snatching the cue off Nandor and nudging the Guide out of the way.
The Guide watched him sink two balls, frowning, and Nadja gripped her forearm tightly. "I'll help you next time," she said, although she was unable to hide her glee at her own team's success.
Nandor managed to sink one of their balls - solids meant the solid colour balls, the Guide realised - and then Nadja missed potting one of theirs but set up a further shot - at least, that's what she explained to the Guide. She was leaning across the table next to the Guide and the Guide was doing everything she could not to focus on the shape of her ass.
"Now," she said, handing the Guide the cue again. "Which one are you going to aim for?"
"Uh..." the Guide looked at the pool table, and pointed to one by a corner pocket.
"Good choice," said Nadja, and the Guide sighed with relief. "Now, you weren't quite holding it correctly before," said Nadja. "Show me again."
The Guide, suddenly very aware of her body and the two other people watching them, leaned across the table in front of Nadja, trying to line up the pool cue. Nadja was directly behind her, and the Guide could feel Nadja's skirts brushing against her calves. She let out an involuntary, quiet yelp as Nadja settled across her back, fitting their hips together and took her hands, repositioning them on the cue stick.
She was talking as she was adjusting them, but the Guide could not have repeated a single thing she said. All she could think of was how much of Nadja was currently pressed against her, how she could feel her breath against the back of her neck and how there was no way she was going to get this shot.
She did fumble the shot, although she managed to hit one of their own balls closer to a pocket and Nadja said that was a success. Nadja and Laszlo won the game fairly soon after that but they insisted on playing additional rounds, and after managing to stifle down her spiralling desire, the Guide did actually find it fun. It was angles, and logic, and the Guide decided that this might become a regular game she played.
As she continued delibertely not looking at Nadja as she bent low across the table in front of her, pushing her hips back to nudge the Guide out of the way, she accidentally caught Laszlo's eye.
He wore a small, smug smile, and when he raised his eyebrows at her she glanced away quickly, feeling her cheeks heat up.
Nadja stood up in front of her and turned to face her, and must have noticed how flustered she was.
"How is it?" she asked, checking in as she often did during these tasks.
"Fine, I think... I might like to practice it," the Guide said, not untruthfully. "It's quite fun."
This seemed to please Nadja greatly.
"Yes, and I knew you would like it. Some dirty, old-fashioned filthy pool house fun. I will take you to a human bar next."
The Guide avoided Laszlo's eyes, but could tell that when they weren't trained on his beautiful wife, they were watching her with interest.
---
"Next time, you're getting involved, girly," Nadja said.
"But it's not fun, Nadja," said the Guide. They were drinking in the music room, listening to Laszlo tinkle away at the piano in the far corner. "I'm not sure how a brawl is indulgent or enjoyable."
"Because it makes you feel alive, baby! It's a rush." Nadja gestured wildly, her drink slopping dangerously close to the rim. "When was the last time you had an adrenalin rush from kicking someone through a bar wall?"
The Guide took a sip of her drink and pretended to inspect the ornaments on the shelf lining the wall.
"You're my little project, and you have to do what I say," Nadja continued, seemingly unwilling to wait for a response. "I know what's best for you, girly, trust me."
There was a snort from the other side of the room, and both women turned to stare at the back of Laszlo's head as he worked at the piano keys.
"Did you have something to say, my love?" asked Nadja, her voice dangerously light.
"Not at all, my darling," came the response.
The Guide looked between them.
Nadja's eyes narrowed and she abruptly rose and stalked across the room towards him. The Guide was reminded of a big cat, closing in on its prey. Laszlo's shoulders tensed slightly but he didn't stop tinkling the piano.
Nadja stopped next to him, leaning with calculated ease against the body of the piano. "Do you have an opinion on how I do my teachings, Laszlo?" she asked.
When he didn't respond she plucked the pipe from his mouth, and slammed the piano key cover closed.
"Ow, fuck," cried Laszlo, wincing as he shook the sting away from his fingers. He opened up the key cover again, but turned towards her. She inhaled his pipe and blew it in his face while she waited for an answer.
"I just think you're focusing on very… preliminary pleasures," he said.
She raised her eyebrows, encouraging him to continue.
"Parlour games and liquor are for children," he said. "Where is the sex and drugs and rock and roll?"
"We are working up to it," said Nadja. "She is my project and I am the one setting the pace of the teachings. I wasn't born with a silver dick in my mouth like you, Laszlo, sometimes we womens have to learn this ourselves."
At this, Laszlo softened. He stroked her face, and her pinched expression immediately melted away.
"Of course, my darling, forgive me. I forget sometimes how hard you have worked to become the dark, magnificent queen you are today. This is quite cathartic for you as well, I imagine."
A number of emotions crossed Nadja's face, and the Guide realised that despite his arrogance, that Laszlo intimately knew his wife, and had hit the nail on the head.
It confirmed what the Guide had suspected - they had different reasons for feeling unworthy but Nadja could clearly see herself in the Guide. She was helping Nadja heal, and Nadja was trying to give the Guide all of the experiences she had been deprived of as a human.
The Guide was filled with a pressing desire to do better, to make Nadja proud. She needed to improve and embrace all of this hedonism properly, instead of resisting and shying away from it.
She avoided watching as Nadja planted an affectionate kiss on Laszlo, staring hard at her drink. She heard the piano pick up again, and Nadja sit heavily across from her, settling with a sigh. She glanced up and watched as Nadja puffed on the borrowed pipe.
Nadja's fingers curled easily around the smooth wood, there was the faintest tinge of red lipstick left on the mouthpiece . A cloud of smoke puffed out pleasantly from between her parted lips and the Guide chest tightened.
"Can I try?" she asked, and Nadja frowned at her quizzically. She gestured to the pipe, and Nadja lips curved into a slow smile.
"Of course, darling," she turned the pipe and offered it to the Guide. The Guide, copying what she had seen with unwarranted confidence, breathed in as fast as possible. The smoke was harsh and rough, and her throat immediately seized up.
She doubled over coughing, unable to stop even as she felt Nadja's hand soothingly pat her back. When she straightened, Nadja was sitting next to her on the couch, and had gently taken the pipe from her hand. Laszlo was watching from the piano.
"You haven't ever smoked a pipe?" asked Laszlo incredulously.
The Guide shook her head, her throat still burning too much to form words without croaking.
She was humiliated, but Nadja just patted her back until her eyes stopped watering and she was able to breathe normally again.
"Perhaps a bit much for you right now, darling," she said.
"Maybe you should start on cigarillos," Laszlo mused, before turning back to the piano. Nadja pushed her liquor blood back into her hand and encouraged her to drink.
When the Guide had gulped down a few mouthfuls and her throat no longer felt like sandpaper, she leaned back against the couch. Nadja puffed thoughtfully on the pipe and the Guide glared at it reproachfully.
"We'll work on it, girly, don't worry," said Nadja, but the Guide's stomach clenched. It wasn't good enough. She wanted to be good for Nadja. She nodded tightly, and took a sip or her liquor blood, already forming a plan.
---
"Malboro Gold," said Guillermo, handing them to the Guide along with a bic lighter.
She inspected it, confused, and he immediately demonstrated how to use it, striking the flint and igniting it.
“This is part of your fun project with Nadja?” Guillermo asked, watching her struggle with the sparkwheel.
“Sort of, yes,” said the Guide. She continued practicing with the lighter and it became clear to Guillermo that he was no longer needed.
“Well, let me know if you need anymore help,” he said, pushing another log into the fire before leaving.
“Thank you!” the Guide called out, closing the door behind him. She needed privacy for this, and the sitting room was never much used.
Turning the pack over in her fingers, she slid out a single cigarette and held it up. After much difficulty with both the lighter and the cigarette, the tip glowed orange and she pressed it tentatively against her mouth.
As soon as she inhaled, she coughed, the heat scouring her throat and not relenting.
Finally she had calmed enough to try again and to her delight, managed not to cough - but then realised that the ember was no longer glowing red-hot at the end. It had burnt out.
She fumbled, looking for the lighter, shoving her free hand into her jacket pockets. Had she dropped it? Was it under the table? She dropped to her knees and peered beneath the wooden base. This was going poorly and she could feel her body tensing with frustration.
“We’re you looking for this, darling?” came Nadja’s voice and the Guide straightened up so quickly the room spun.
Nadja was leaning against the table looking amused, holding the tiny lighter between her fingertips.
“Elusive little buggers,” she added, and the Guide stood, making no effort to take it from her.
“Look at you taking initiative, girly,” said Nadja approvingly, and the Guide tried unsuccessfully to smile. “How was it?” Nadja asked, indicating the inert cigarette she held clumsily between her fingers.
“Not good,” said the Guide, unable to hide the disappointment in her voice. She had wanted to perfect this before she showed Nadja. “I was trying to prove I could be interesting and indulge without you having to baby me.”
“Well I am enjoying our little project,” Nadja said, flicking the lighter on and off absentmindedly. “Obviously - otherwise I wouldn’t still be helping you.”
She stepped towards the Guide and plucked the cigarette from her fingers.
“Now…” she said, stepping even closer. The Guide felt a flush of heat at her proximity. "Smoking is not for everyone, girly. We can try this and if you don't like it, we'll do something else."
"I want to," said the Guide quickly. "It's..." She thought back to watching Nadja with the pipe and blurted out the first word that came to her mind. "...sexy."
Nadja raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at her lips. "Alright then, darling."
The Guide flushed with embarrassment, and Nadja placed the cigarette between her own lips, igniting it. A wisp of smoke escaped as she removed the cigarette from her mouth and turned it around, offering it to the Guide.
The Guide could see the faintest red smudge from her lipstick and felt a sudden wave of lightheadedness.
This was made significantly worse when Nadja pressed her hand flat against the Guide's stomach, searingly hot through her layers of clothing.
“Breathing slowly and deeply, ok?” she said, her gaze unfaltering.
The Guide mind went blank but she nodded all the same, her breathing shaky and uneven. Nadja didn't seem to notice, pressing the tip against the Guides bottom lip.
“Open,” she said, and the Guide obeyed, breath catching in her throat.
She closed her lips lightly against it, aware of Nadja's attention on her mouth.
“Now, suck,” Nadja said lightly. The Guide froze, and Nadja waited until she drew in a long shuddering breath.
For a moment it worked, but then the harsh, abrasive burn flared up stronger than ever, choking her. Her eyes began watering as she tried to keep it in, but it burst out of her in a violent, ugly cough.
“I’m sorry,” she said immediately through her hacking breaths.
Nadja appeared unbothered by this, tucking her hair behind her ear, eager to start the lesson again.
Nadja’s hand found hers and for a moment the Guide thought she was holding it, but she simply slipped the cigarette from the Guide's fingers.
“We’ll try again,” she said, patiently waiting for the Guide to straighten up.
”Nadja-“ The Guide began but her voice abruptly left her as Nadja's hand cupped her face, tracing her jaw and burying her fingers in her hair. Her hold was firm and sure, and stilled the Guide completely.
“You breathe in when I breathe out, ok?” Nadja instructed and the Guide nodded before the words were able to permeate her addled mind.
Nadja put the cigarette back to her lips, inhaled deeply and then leaned in. All she could see was Nadja, filling her vision and her senses. The Guide froze, unable to blink or think or breathe.
Then Nadja breathed out, smoke puffed across her lips and the Guide inhaled sharply with a gasp, her brain finally catching up with the instruction.
The smoke filled her mouth and her throat and her lungs, but it was gentle now - smoother, and all of a sudden Nadja was leaning back and the Guide exhaled a faint wisp of smoke.
"There you are, darling, well done," said Nadja.
The intimacy of sharing smoke and breath with Nadja like that was making the Guide dizzy. She couldn't believe it, couldn't tear her eyes away from Nadja's lips.
"How was that?" Nadja asked. She still was holding the Guide's face and tilted it slightly so that the Guide's glassy eyes met hers again.
"Good," whispered the Guide. Her eyes dropped back to Nadja's lips, which twitched up at the side in amusement.
"Fun?"
The Guide nodded.
Nadja brought the cigarette to her lips again and inhaled. This time when Nadja leaned in, the Guide was more prepared and closed her eyes - Nadja's proximity was overwhelming. She felt the dry heat of the smoke and opened her mouth again, breathing in the smoke and the faintest traces of Nadja's perfume.
She swayed, feeling heady as the pleasant warmth in her chest spread. Then, with a start she felt the lightest brush across her mouth. A caress, a slight catch against her lips. As she opened her eyes, Nadja was pulling back, watching her keenly.
"How was that?" asked Nadja again, her question more pointed.
"Good," the Guide whispered, eyes wide, trembling. That couldn't have been what she thought it was, could it?
"Fun?" Nadja asked.
The Guide licked her lips, chasing the phantom touch and saw Nadja's eyes drop to them. Daring swelled in her chest, arousal swirling in her gut.
"Yes," she answered, making sure her voice didn't shake. Nadja's eyes darkened a tiny bit, in the way they did when she got what she wanted.
She raised the cigarette to her mouth again and this time when she leaned in the Guide leaned forward to meet her. She pulled the smoke into her lungs and as she did, she felt Nadja's lips meet hers again, with more certainty this time. The Guide exhaled with a shudder, and Nadja's hand became more insistent against her cheek, holding her close.
She felt Nadja's lips tug gently at hers, teasing them open, and she moaned. All of a sudden Nadja was kissing her urgently, properly, leaving her breathless. When Nadja eventually pulled back, her eyes were black, lips swollen and her face flushed. She had never looked more beautiful, and she was watching the Guide with a hungry expression she had never seen before.
Without looking, Nadja flicked the remainder of the cigarette into the fireplace.
"How was that?" she asked, and the Guide felt a tiny flush of pride at the way her voice was rough.
"Fun," she responded, and gasped as Nadja's hands found her hips, pulling her towards her so that the front of their bodies were flush together. The softness of Nadja's body pressed into hers and made her skin tingle and crawl with heat.
"I think I have just thought of your next task, darling," Nadja said, pressing her fingers hard into her hips as she held them together. The Guide shuddered involuntarily.
"I'm a quick learner," she said breathlessly. Unable to stop herself she traced along Nadja's curves, splaying her hands across her back to pull her impossibly closer.
"Mmmhmm," hummed Nadja approvingly. She leaned in and kissed the Guide slowly, luxuriously, indulgently before pulling back. "Good girl."