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The fields of Mina - Rau stretched for miles, the endless supply of grain a promise of both work and food.
Bix smiled with the sunlight hitting her face as she stepped out of the makeshift place she and Cassian called home. She relished the sound of little feet pitter pattering through the grain - and her heart filled with joy when out of the grass sprung a little boy and girl who were unmistakably hers.
"Mama!" they cried and ran to hug her.
Their warmth pressed against Bix's frail body and brought light to her soul. She ran her fingers through their dark locks, feeling their happiness and taking it for her own.
Being a mother was a dream long held and these two beauties were her world.
A whistle sounded in the distance and Bix knew Cassian was headed home.
He road through the grass on his speeder and parked right in front of them. He was still handsome in a boyish way, with all the charm in the world.
"Look what we have here," Cassian's eyes were bright as he surveyed his family. He ruffled the children's heads and his lips met's Bix's. For once, she was not afraid to touch. There was no memory of a thief trying to break her, she felt light and free.
The kiss was not tainted with pain, but filled with joy and the promise of a shared bed that night. Cassian was both a generous and gentle lover.
But he also clearly had something on his mind.
Bix could see it in the way he avoided her eyes.
"Spit it out," Bix folded her arms over her chest, "What did you do?"
"Talia and Brasso are coming to dinner if that's alright," Cassian shuffled his feet nervously.
"Of course," Bix smiled brightly. That was no big deal, their neighbors were always over.
"But they may, well they may bring Wilmon and Beela and their three children," an apology was in her husband's eyes.
Bix shook her head and pretended to be mad, "So many guests Cassian, are you expecting to help cook?"
"Well I might have picked up a roast, already done, it just needs warming" Cassian let go of the kids and pulled a huge bag of the speeder.
He opened it up to display meat and vegetables that smelled delectable. This was more than enough for a feast and Bix was touched by how thoughtful Cassian had been.
"Well in that case," Bix sighed, "I suppose we can have them all here but I think we might just have to make some cake, what do you think children?"
The twins beamed, "Cake!!"
Cassian laughed, "You two always want cake, and don't worry sweetheart," he smiled at Bix with tenderness. "Mum says she'll help too."
Bix felt her heart stop. Suddenly she knew, this oasis was no reality.
For Maarva Andor was now nothing but a memory, no matter how beautiful her Eulogy and last words had been.
"Mama what's wrong?" her daughter seemed to sense her panic.
Images flashed in Bix's mind, images better left unsaid. Memories of her body, her mind, her soul broken and shattered as if nothing about her had ever mattered.
The doctor had done his work.
He'd left an echo in her head that never quieted.
Imperial forces appeared in that Golden field and suddenly there were gunshots and blood. Her children dragged away by troopers, Cassian and friends fighting and losing. Bix couldn't look, couldn't watch anymore, not again.. The nightmare had been lived enough.
Bix awoke to the cold steel of Coruscant. Her whole body racked with grief for children who never existed.
She sat up and both sorrow and relief hit her as she saw Cassian.
Min-Rau and Brasso were long gone, Beela and Talia both losing their lovers in different ways. War had not been kind to any of them.
There was an ache for the children she'd never had the chance to bear. And truth was, she wasn't sure she ever would.
To live in a world where the only scars she bore were stretch marks was a distant dream.
Bix walked to the window and stared out at the night sky, once again her emotions threatening to envelop her. She knew the relief that the drugs could give, the momentary absence of ache. But the memories never let up no matter how much she took. It was the memories that formed chains that bound her very soul.
Not even the lights of Coruscant could bring her relief.
She felt Cassian step beside her.
"Do you ever think about having children?" Bix said. The sweet memory of the two faces lingered in her mind, something she could hold onto that didn't break her.
"I think that's for other people," Cassian said slowly, almost as if he hated to say it. "I don't think we have the luxury of having children, but we do have the chance to make this world better for children not yet born."
The truth of these words cut Bix more deeply than she wanted to admit. "Is that what we are doing? Making this world better for everyone but us, we don't get the happy ending?" She could not keep the bitterness out of her voice.
"We don't, and the truth is even if we weren't fighting this fight, we wouldn't, the Empire is too dark and powerful for us to live with no shadows over our shoulder," Cassian admitted. "But if we can rid the world of shadows, that is a happy ending in itself, it has to be right?"
For the first time in a long time, Bix heard the need for reassurance in Cassian's voice. It was hard to remember, she wasn't the only one who'd lost everything including a future.
"I can't stop hating them for what they took, for the dreams that will never come true, for the nightmares that never stop," Bix confessed.
"Then let's do something about it," Cassian pulled her in for a hug. His hands cradled her face, "Come on Bix, let's stop thinking about what's happened and make something happen. Please." There was a desperate tone in his voice, he needed her, needed her just as much as she needed him. The urgency of the moment could not be lost.
Bix had a decision to make and she knew it.
The past could haunt her and keep her firm in its grasp or she could finally break it's chains.
The two faces of the children she would never have deserved her best.
"For the children who are still to come," Bix whispered, "Maybe not ours, but someone's."
She couldn't banish all the shadows, but she could rid the world of one.