Chapter Text
The rain cascades from weeping clouds, droplets precipitating onto the wet, muddy ground below. Trees sway as strong gusts of winds flew against them, taking with it the leaves that clung weakly on the branches. Frogs croak yonder near ponds and streams in search for their mates, and worms coming up from the ground under the heavy downpour.
A man's foot caused a small splash on a merky puddle. His walked with deliberateness and calculation on the muddy path. His half and half haori of yellow, green and red was saturated and wet, dripping with water as the rain soaked the fabric. His wet uniform clung to his body, outlining his lean muscles earned from years of training. His hair was wet, waterlogged by the rain and his lack of an umbrella. Though, inspite of this, he remained calm and composed, as if the wrath of nature was nothing to him.
However his sapphire eyes tell more about him than words could ever describe, things he'd seen, regrets still gnawing at his very existence and the silent yearning reflecting in those orbs that those who are ignorant would likely miss. No one knows the storm of confliction and guilt swirling in his mind, his struggles and the desire to end it all.
Tomioka Giyuu, a man shrouded in mystery. Not even his own peers could crack the hard layer he incased himself in. Perhaps it's better that he's isolated from them, perhaps it's better that he doesn't get attached. 'After all, I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to be standing along side the other hashiras, nor do I deserve to be here.' Giyuu thought to himself, his head tilting down as he stopped walking, feeling a deep clench in his heart.
"Tsutako... Sabito... How better would the world be had any of you didn't die due to my cause. Sabito... you would make a better hashira than me. After all, you're more capable while I was just a weak crybaby. Tsutako... you could've built a great family had you not intervened to save me." Muttered the water hashira, wiping his face with his soaked sleeve. He continued his path towards his estate, a heavy feeling weighing down at his heart, a feeling so hauntingly familiar. Giyuu wrapped his arms around himself, letting the coldness of the rain envelop him in it's embrace.
Giyuu continued walking, arms crossed over his chest as more memories began to resurface from the depths of his despair. It was hard, too hard for him to let go of the past. He felt as if he didn't have anyone to run to, to seek comfort to, to spill his woes to. Of course, there's Tanjiro. But Giyuu didn't want to dump his traumas onto a child, even with how understanding Tanjiro is. Giyuu let out a shaky sigh as he lifted his head, his eyes darted to small lake to his right. Giyuu let his arms limp to his sides, his feet turned on it's heel and began walking towards the lake.
"I feel tired." Giyuu muttered. It's not that he felt tired due to his lack of sleep, he felt tired of everything. He felt tired of being alive, being miserable. 'The other hashiras won't understand, they'll never understand my feelings, they would never understand me.' Giyuu closed his eyes, walking blindly as he neared the lake. It was perhaps ironic that he's the water hashira, and that he'll die by water. But at this point, why did he have to care?
Giyuu stopped just at the edge. He opened his eyes, admiring the small lake. Rain drops fall on the watery surface, creating ripples and splashes. "It's.. beautiful." Murmured the water hashira as before taking a deep breath. He looked up at the cloudy sky, drops of water falling on his face, soothing and comforting. Mayhaps this isn't the most glorious death of them all, perhaps he won't die fighting. It almost felt embarrassing, but Giyuu dropped those thoughts. It's time to he free, it's time to become one with water.
Giyuu turned around, his arms outstretching on either side, he lifted a foot, letting himself fall into the cold water with a huge splash. He made no effort trying to float, he let himself sink in the merky depths, to finally drown out his sorrows and his life. 'I'm sorry.. everyone, Tanjiro, Nezuko..' Giyuu felt air leaving his lungs, he couldn't breath, yet he didn't panic. He felt his vision growing blurry, but before shutting his eyes, he saw someone jumping in, swimming down towards him. Then, everything went black.
...
'So.. this is the end I see. Tsutako.. Sabito.... I wasn't as strong as you both. I'm sorry.' "Giyuu?" Giyuu slowly opened his eyes to see a pair of ocean blues staring fondly at him. He could only recognize those eyes, those were his sister's. "T-Tsutako..?" Giyuu muttered, his voice shaky with shock. He slowly sat up, rubbing his head, he looked at her. She looked older, yet the same as the day before she died.. it's what she would've looked like if she's still alive.
"I..." Giyuu reached out a hand towards her face. "Is this.. really you?" Giyuu stammered, his palm caressing Tsutako's cheek. "Yes.. it's me." She smiled fondly as she gently placed her palms against the back of Giyuu's hand. "You've grown. You aren't the little brother I used to be able to carry around." Tsutako teased. Giyuu's lips cracked into a small, barely noticeable smile. A smile no one else has ever seen before.
"It's.. really you.." Giyuu immediately hugged her as tightly as possible, tears gushing down to his cheek. "I missed you.. I missed you so much... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I couldn't be better.... I failed you... I failed you and Sabito." Giyuu broke down, his body shaking as he wept on Tsutako's shoulder. Tsutako smiled softly, wrapping her arms around Giyuu.
"You haven't failed me, little brother." She stated as she pulled away, placing a hand on Giyuu's cheek, wiping his tears with her thumb. "I'm proud of you, Giyuu. I truly am." Tsutako smiled before standing up. "So I'm asking you to please.. live for us." She said, offering a hand to Giyuu.
Giyuu looked up, to his surprise, instead of his sister standing before him, now it's Sabito.. who looks much more older.. how he would've looked like if he survived the final selection. "Sabito..?" Giyuu muttered, he hesitantly accepted Sabito's hand, the latter helping him up. "It's me, Giyuu." He smiled, placing a hand on Giyuu's shoulder.
Tears began to sting Giyuu's eyes once more, seeing his best friend again after so long. "I... I'm..." Giyuu stuttered, unable to finish his words. "Sorry?" Sabito finished. Giyuu closed his mouth and nodded. "It was too much for you to bear, huh. The burden, the guilt, the regret. I'm sorry you were never able to recover from our deaths." Sabito smiled softly, placing a hand on Giyuu's cheek. "You'd be better off being the water hashira instead of me. You were more capable after all." Giyuu lowered head, closing his eyes.
"No. You deserve to be the water hashira. You are more stronger than what you think you are." Sabito stated, lifting Giyuu's chin. "I died for you, Giyuu. I died because I want you to live. Tsutako died because she wanted you to live. At least... try to live your life to the fullest. For us."
"But I can't! The guilt is gnawing at me everyday. I felt.. I felt as if I'm the cause of your deaths. I... if I was were stronger back then, and less of a crybaby then.. perhaps things would be different." Giyuu sniffled. "Shut up." Sabito frowned, slappinv Giyuu the same way he did that day, which left Giyuu in utter shock.
"You have said enough self discrimination. It's time for a change don't you think? You have so much to live for, so much to see, so much to fight for. You can't just give it up now. You've gone so far from the little boy I once knew. You don't have to feel guilty for a decision we both made. We gave you our chances, now it's your last." Sabito smiled.
"W-What do you mean I.. I'm dead." Giyuu said, but Sabito shook his head.
"Your time hasn't come yet, Giyuu." Said Tsutako, who suddenly appeared behind Sabito, standing just beside him. "You need to wake up." Sabito said as everything began to fade.
"W-What..? W-wait!" Giyuu called, reaching out his hand towards them, but they looked as if they're getting farther and farther away from him. "Say hello to Tanjiro for me, Giyuu!" Sabito smiled.
'What..? How did he know who Tanjiro is?' Giyuu thought to himself as he tried running towards them, but each step he took, they both grow farther and farther from him. "No! Wait! Don't go!" Giyuu pleaded, but both of them only smiled. "Until then, Giyuu." Tsutako's voice rang in his ear, before everything went black once more.
"Kay..."
"He.... est..."
"Alright."
Door closing noises
Giyuu's eyes shot open, his breathing erratic and fast as if he just resurfaced from water. He doesn't feel cold, nor wet anymore. Giyuu looked around, only to find out he's now in the wards of the butterfly estate. Giyuu sat up, placing a hand on his forehead, rubbing it, his mind reeling back to his encounters with Tsutako and Sabito. 'Was it just all a dream..? It felt too real.. as if... they were actually talking to me.' Giyuu sighed, sadness filling up his heart once more.
He wish he said more, but until then, he's gotta live his life. In a sense, Giyuu felt closure over the short lived conversations he had with his sister and best friend. At the very least, they both wanted him to continue living in their honor. "Ah, Tomioka-san. You're awake." Gyomei's deep voice pulled Giyuu out of his thoughts. He looked over towards the stone pillar who approached him, his towering figure looming over Giyuu.
"Himejima-san..?" Giyuu uttered as he rotated his body so he's sitting at the edge of the bed. Gyomei took a seat in front of him, looking at him with a serious, yet worried expression.
"Are you okay?" Gyomei asked, placing a palm on Giyuu's forehead, checking him for any fever. "I'm fine Himejima-san. But.. how did I get here?" Giyuu tilted his head as Gyomei pulled back his hand, placing it on his lap. "I carried you here after saving you from nearly dying in the lake. What were you doing in there?" Giyuu looked down, feeling nervous and a bit uncomfortable.
However, Gyomei immediately picked up Giyuu's discomfort. "Ah.. you don't have to tell me if you're uncomfortable." Gyomei said. Giyuu looked back up at the stone Hashira, his lips curved into a small smile. "No.. it's just... I..." Giyuu hesitated. Cold sweat started to secrete from his body rolling down his skin. "I.. tried to commit suicide." Giyuu finally admitted and everything falls into silence.
Gyomei's eyes widened just a bit, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Why..?" Gyomei asked. Giyuu looked down, feeling ashamed. "The past.. my regrets.. the guilt gnawing at me everyday. I just... couldn't bear it all.." Giyuu muttered. Gyomei sighed, placing a hand on Giyuu's shoulder. "Does anyone else knows about this?"
Giyuu shook his head. "No, they don't." Giyuu said. Gyomei closed his eyes, putting his hands together in a prayer, mumbling his mantras. "I should tell master about your mental health, Tomioka-san. This is serious." Gyomei stood up and was about to leave when Giyuu suddenly called out to him. "Wait, Himejima-san!" Gyomei stopped, turning around towards Giyuu.
"Can you.. stay...? Please." Giyuu muttered, his voice almost pleading. Gyomei's expression softened as he walked back towards Giyuu, sitting beside him on the edge of the bed. "Do you need anything else?" Asked Gyomei. "No.. I just... need you."
...