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Felix was laying in his bed. He just got finished with another online class. He was relaxing before his roommate got home. Soon after, he heard the door open. He got up out of his bed to greet Jisung.
“Hey Han”.
Felix said warmly.
“Hey Felix, I brought us some take out”.
Jisung was Felix's best friend. They met last year. Felix's first year of college. They had a lot in common. And bond it over having almost the same birthday. There schedules are even very similar. Felix has one class that he goes to on campus. The rest of them are online.
Jisung's schedule is the very same way. Felix just goes to his one class on Tuesdays and wednesday. While Jisung goes on Thursdays and Fridays. The rest of the time, they're at home. Finishing their work on computers. So Felix sees him every day, all the time. Except for the hour he's gone for his class. And the same goes for him too. They bonded on both of them being shut in's.
Felix looked over, and someone was behind Jisung. It was Minho, Jisung's boyfriend. Felix really liked Minho. He was really nice, sweet, and always cared if Felix ate something or not. He made sure that both of them were getting enough sunlight, and still taking care of themselves. Sometimes, Felix thought that Jisung was sharing him out of Pity. That Minho didn't have to be this nice to him.
Sometimes, he was scary, but that's because he was strict and cared about people. Sometimes, Felix locked himself in his room so Jisung and Minho could get some alone time. They're walls in their dorm room are paper thin. So Felix can hear everything. But this would only happen sometimes. They were very considerate of Felix and mostly did it at Minho's apartment.
He still liked when he got to hear them through the walls on occasion. Felix wanted so badly to do it with someone too. He wasn't a virgin. Not by his choice anyway. He wasn't a virgin either way. It's been a year and some months since the last time he did it with someone. He just wants to feel it again. He wants to feel how he felt. But differently… very differently…
He wants to be in control. But not in control at the same time. He wants to say when to stop and when to go. He wants to have control over the situation and no control at the same time. He wants to feel whole again. They all set down at the table and ate their food.
“Han, do you want to finish that movie tonight. We were going to finish it last night but I fell asleep.”
“Minho Looked at Jisung”.
“You didn't tell him”.
Jisung cringed at his boyfriend.
“I was going to tell him. Just didn't know how to.”
Felix Looked very confused.
“Tell me what.”
They both looked at him.
“Felix, i'm sorry, but me and Minho Had plans tonight”.
Felix looked a little sad.
“Oh, you too have a date. That's okay.”
“Not exactly”.
Minho says. Felix looked even more confused.
“What do you mean”.
“We're going to a club.”
Jisung Looked very excited while speaking.
“Club Eros. It's a very prestigious sex club. It has the best drinks and food. Dancers that you'll never see before. And pretty much everything is acceptable. Minho knows the owner of the club. And he's more than happy to have us on the day that he's introducing his new system.”
“New system”.
Felix looked at them to elaborate.
“Kinks and fetishes. He says its only gonna happen once A month. If people like it enough, once a week. Basically, everyone we'll be wearing a wristband. It will appeal to what you want to do that night. You know, if you're a bottom or a top, sub or dom. That sort of stuff. You can go around talking to people about your fetish and how freaky you want to get.”
Minho finished explaining. Felix didn't know what to think. He knew he didn't want to be alone tonight.
“Can I come with you guys?”
They both look shocked. Jisung walked up to him.
“Felix, are you sure? We can totally take you. But this club is like very intense. And you've never been to a club anyway. I don't think a club like this should be your first club. Me and Minho know your history with this type of stuff. I just don't want you to be overwhelmed, or it triggers a panic attack.”
Han was right, but he really wanted to do this. Not for no one else. He had to do this for himself. Maybe you would help him get over it.
“I can handle it. I can really do it. I promise, just take me with you guys.”
Minho and Jisung looked at each other. They looked back at Felix. He could tell that they were thinking about it.
“Okay Felix. Let's go pick a gorgeous outfit.”
Jisung said while smiling. Felix was thrilled to go out. Jisung and Felix went to the back. Jisung helped Felix get ready. Jisung always says you can never go wrong with black. And he's right. He dressed Felix in an all black outfit. He made him put on some light makeup to make his eyes really shine. And made sure that his freckles were still visible. Lastly, he curled his hair to give felix pretty waves.
Felix looked at himself In the mirror. He could admit. He looked pretty. But it made him feel nervous. Jisung finished getting ready. They both went out to Minho.
“Alright, we're ready.”
“You look gorgeous babe.”
“Aww… Thank you baby.”
Minho escorted both of them to his car. Felix sat in the back while Jisung sat in the front with his boyfriend. Most of the car ride was silent on Felix's part. He was very nervous and didn't know what to say. But he finally thought of something.
“So why did you guys want to go to this club anyway”.
Minho immediately answered.
“Don't get me wrong, me and Jisung are very content with our relationship. But we recently developed a fetish that we wanted to try out. Tonight, we're hoping to find someone to watch us have sex.”
He was surprised at what he said.
“How did you guys figure that out?”
“Well, we we're having sex in Minho’s dance studio, and someone tried to open the door. We were Mortified. But the door was locked. So, no one actually came in. But after the thrill of that experience. We couldn't stop thinking about it. So we're hoping to find someone to watch us.”
“You could have asked me to watch you.”
Felix mumbled under his breath.
“What was that?”
Felix jumped at Minho's words.
“N-nothing, I said I didn't know Minho had a dance studio.”
“Oh… Well, technically he doesn't. But he takes such good care of this studio. Everyone just started calling it his on campus. And he's the only one allowed to use it after hours. It was signed off by two teachers.”
As the conversation ended, they pulled up to the building. It was nice and made of marble. The sign outside said Eros In big glowing letters. Felix felt very nervous. He got out of the car with them. There was a huge line. But Minho skiped right to the front. Felix and Jisung followed behind closely. Without even saying a word, the Bouncer let them in.
The club was loud and annoying, Felix thought. The lights were too bright. The music was too loud. People talked everywhere. It made felix anxious.
“Minho, Jisung, you made it, Welcome.”
A very buff and well dressed man walked up to them. Felix didn't recognize him. Minho Hugged him immediately. Felix was more confused than ever.
“Oh Felix, this is Changbin. He's the owner of the club. Changbin, this is Felix. He's Jisung's dorm mate and best friend. He's my friend too.”
He looked felix up and down, then smiled. He held his hand out to him. Felix grabbed his hand and shook it.
“Nice to meet you Felix. You are a really pretty thing. What brings you to my club tonight.”
“Actually, you never did tell us the reason why you wanted to go.”
Jisung Questioned. Felix was taken aback. There was no way he was explaining what he wanted to do. They just wouldn't understand. Or maybe they would. He was just too afraid of what they would say. It's different, if it was a stranger. It would hurt less.
“Well, I don't know. I guess I will just look for something.”
He lied. He couldn't think of anything else. Changbin brought Felix's hand up to his mouth. He kissed his hand gently.
“Well, whatever it is, i'm sure you'll find it.”
Changbin backed away from Felix and reached into his pocket. He pulled out three passes. They said VIP in diamond letters. He handed one to each of them. Felix looked at his.
“I get one too”.
“Of course, a friend of Minho's is a friend of mine. Go to the VIP area and get your special wristbands for the nights events.”
With his final words, he walked away. Minho guided them to the VIP area. Jisung Pouted.
“Why do you know where everything is already. I thought you said that this was your first time in here”.
Minho chuckled.
“Jagi, I said it was my first time being at this club in its club setting. I've never said that it was my first time in the building. Changbin let's me use the dance floor in the morning when the club isn't open. As long as I help the cleaning crew. I already know the ups and downs of this place. Because you get paranoid when you don't know where the bathrooms are. So don't be so jealous, jagi.”
He pouted some more
“I'm not jealous, just curious.”
Minho laughs and kissed him on his forehead. Felix felt jealous of that. He wanted that so badly with someone. It actually made him feel sick. The VIP area was huge. It was like a club in itself. Entering the area, they were immediately given pieces of paper. It said, right down what you like and what you want to do. Felix was handed a pen. He thought about it for a second, then wrote. Then he handed his paper back to the man. Within a few minutes, he was given a wristband. It was pink with diamonds on it. It said bottom, sub, and Felix’s name in cursive writing. FelIx looked over at Jisung's wristband. It only said his name and the fetish he was into.
“Why is yours different than mine.”
“Oh, because I already have a partner. The wristband you are wearing is for you to find someone to sleep with. I already have someone to sleep with. Now we're just looking for someone to share our fetish with. But you don't have to do that if you don't want to Felix. There are lots of other things to do besides sex in here.”
“Yeah, there's games. You can watch the dancers. You even can play poker. It's all up to you Felix. The best part is, no one has to touch you if you don't want it. It's completely your choice. Changbin prides himself on making this environment sexy but safe. Consent means everything to him. And it's a no tolerance rule whatsoever if otherwise.”
Minho joined the conversation. That made Felix feel a little better. For the time being, he just followed the couple around. They ordered drinks, played games, and watched some dancers. People kept calling Felix pretty left and right. He was asked to dance multiple times. He turned them down, cause he was too scared to be by himself.
He felt like he was ruining the night for the happy couple by being around them. But they reassured him that he wasn't and that they were generally happy that he was here. He was having a conversation with Jisung when the speakers went off.
“Alright, Alright alright alright… It's finally time for the dancer that most of you came here for. You've all been waiting for the beautiful and fantastic, amazing dancing skills on and off the poll. Put your hands together for Hyunjin.”
A man's voice rang through the speakers. A man then entered the stage. He had beautiful, long hair, and barely wearing nothing.
“Wow, I can't believe Binnie actually got him to do it.”
Felix and Jisung both looked at Minho. He smiled and rolled his eyes.
“Hyunjin is Changbin's fiance. Pull dancing is just one of Hyunjin’s hobbies. So He only dances at his club when he really wants to. Hyunjin was very adamant about not dancing tonight because he wanted to go to this art gala. Changbin must have promised him his firstborn child or his arm and his leg if he convinced him to dance.”
They both laughed at Minho’s joke. But before anyone could answer. A bunch of people crowded around them. They were rushing towards the stage. Felix got pushed every which way. By the time he made it out of the crowd. His friends were nowhere to be seen. Felix, tryed looking for them for a bit. But then realized it was useless for such a big club. So felix tried to use this opportunity to try to get what he wanted.
He was going to find somebody to help him fulfill his desire. Before he could even look. He was being called over to somewhere.
“Hey you, cutie, over here”.
Felix looked over to a big table. It had about six people. One of the guys sitting there was flagging him down.
“You look lost cutie. Why don't you come sit with us for a while.”
The perfect opportunity fell into Felix's hands. He could really talk to people. Get them to understand. And maybe even have his desire fulfilled. He walked over to the table slowly and sat down. As soon as he did. The man that called him over, slid over and put his arm around Felix. Felix was very uncomfortable. He didn't ask if he could touch him. Felix definitely knew that he was out of the picture to be a candidate.
“Aren't you just a cute little thing? A tiny waist and a pretty face. We could do all sorts of things with you.”
A woman at the table talked across from him. She was wearing a revealing cheerleading outfit. Felix thought it looked awful on her, but he wasn't going to say that.
“Tell me, do you like pussy”?
Felix was taken aback by her question. He really didn't know how to answer.
“Hey, back off Joon. His wristband says bottom. I don't think he's gonna go for someone like you”.
The guy pulled him closer. Felix felt disgusted. That feeling he was looking for was getting closer. He wanted to feel like this. But he still wants the chance to say stop.
“Oh, come on, he can speak for himself. You don't swing with girls, do you?”
Felix thought about it for a minute. He never got a chance to even be with a girl. So he doesn't really know how to answer that question.
“Well, I guess I mostly lean towards guys. But I'm not opposed to being with a girl, I guess.”
Everyone at the table was shocked at how low his voice was.
“With that voice of yours, you could get any girl you like. Even me if you wanted”.
Felix could tell that she was flirting with him. It was uncomfortable. Suddenly, he felt the man's hand move to his thigh. Felix jumped really hard since he didn't know that was coming.
“Wow, relax baby.”
The man pulled felix closer.
“Listen, a few of us are about to leave this place and go explore some kinks and fetishes. I think you should join us.”
The man said sneaking his hand up felix's shirt. Felix's whole body trembled in terror. He wanted this. He really does. But he wanted it to be on his own terms. Not anyone else's.
“I-I-l…mmm”.
Felix's words were caught in his throat. He definitely didn't want to say yes, but he also didn't want to lose this opportunity either.
“What's your kink anyway.”
“W-what”.
Felix looked back up at the woman again. If he was being honest. He was tired of hearing her speak.
“I mean… we are discussing what we wanted to do, and what kinky stuff we wanted to get into. So it's only right that you tell us what you want to do. Oh, and just a heads up. We are into some really freaky shit”
They all looked at him. They waited for him to say something. This is supposed to be a safe place to express your desires and how you feel. Felix had no reason to hide what he wanted anymore. Especially if he was most likely going to leave with these people. Plus, they weren't going to judge him. At least, that's what he thought.
“W-well… I-I think.... I-I want to give rape play a try.”
Everyone at the table just stared at him. Felix's stomach started turning in to knots. There was no way he could take back what he said. And honestly, he really didn't want to. He was serious. But they looked so disgusted. It made his head hurt.
“Wait, so... you want someone to assault you”.
She questioned him.
“N-no no, I just want the feeling of it. I don't want to actually be assaulted.”
“I don't know, man, that doesn't feel right.”
Some random guy spoke at the table. He had dark short hair, and he was very well dressed.
“Hey, if you walk outside at night wearing something like that. I bet you'll get your wish.”
Everyone except for that man started to laugh. Felix was horrified. How could she say something like that. Felix felt his tears burn his eyes. He was trying not to let them fall.
“Hey, what the hell is wrong with you. Shut the fuck up.”
The man immediately fired back at her.
“Come on Seungmin. It was just a joke. Right, you know it's a joke.”
The man pulled Felix closer to him. He moved his hand near his crotch. At that moment, Felix was done. He was tired of this man touching him. He was tired of sitting here. And he was tired of feeling like a freak. He immediately pushed the man's hend away and got up from his seat. He quickly walked away. He didn't look back when he heard them calling to him. And he refused to give them any more of his time.
Felix felt his tears running down his face. He felt like an idiot, useless, worthless, and disgusting for what he wanted. Minho said that this place was supposed to be safe. And no one would judge him. But he feels like everyone is judging. Felix had to calm himself down. He was sobbing. And ruining the makeup that Jisung helped him do.
He went to the bar to help himself. He ordered a water. His hand shook as he tried to drink it. He felt disgusting and worthless. He was breaking down and didn't know how to stop.
“Hey.”
Felix jumped at the voice next to him. He was sure that he was sitting by himself.
“Are you okay”.
Felix didn't know what to say. He was sitting here, freaking out. And this man just walked up to him.
“Hey, it's okay…. Just breathe…. Excuse me, can I get a straw”.
The man asked the bartender. He was given a straw a few seconds later. He put the straw in Felix's drink.
“This should help you drink more slowly”.
He sat there for at least ten minutes and helped Felix calm down. He didn't even say anything. It was just like he knew what to do. And what to say. After Felix mostly calmed down. He could finally speak.
“I-I'm sorry. I-I don't wanna drag you into my mess”.
“No, no, it's okay. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. What happened, what triggered a panic attack anyway”.
There was no way he could tell him what happened. He was a stranger after all. If those people act so poorly towards him. There's no way he would act any better.
“I don't know. I guess i'm just overwhelmed”.
The man smiled softly at felix.
“It's okay. Anyone could feel overwhelmed in a place like this. My name is Christopher Bang. Bang Chan is my Korean name. You can call me Chris or Chan if you like.”
When he spoke in English, he immediately recognized his accent.
“Your australian. I am australian too. I haven't met another australian person since I moved for college. I'm so happy I ran into you. My name's Felix”.
Chan chuckled at Felix's enthusiasm.
“Well, nice to meet you Felix.”
Felix felt very grateful that someone as nice as Chan wanted to talk to him. The conversation flowed very easily. Felix talked about his schooling and what he wanted to do after he graduated college. Chan talked about his profession. How he was a bouncer when he wanted to be at his best friend's club. But He's mostly a ghost writer for several K-Pop groups and producer. Felix found it very easy to talk to him. He didn't feel as nervous as he usually did. Felix honestly found his company very welcoming.
“Yeah, Changbin is very impatient and irritating, but he has a very good heart.”
Chan took another sip of his fruit juice. Felix had started ordering fruit juice since the beginning of their conversation. Chan ordered 3 shots before switching to fruit juice, not wanting to get too drunk. They both made sure to order the non-alcoholic kind.
“Yeah, but when he puts his mind to something, he can really accomplish it. I mean, he built this entire place, and he's even got new systems that actually work, like tonight.”
Chan thought for a minute.
“Actually, now I'm curious. Why are you here? You obviously hate it, and this is not your cup of tea. So why did you come tonight?”
“Sigh… Honestly, I can't fully answer that question myself. I came because I didn't want to be home alone. My best friend and his boyfriend were going. So I asked to tag along. But he was right. This is too overwhelming. I thought I was going to come here and have fun and maybe even find someone to sleep with. Instead, I followed my friends around until I eventually lost them in the crowd. Then started having a panic attack like he said I would. To make things even worse. I got made fun of for sharing my desire. They even looked disgusted”.
Felix felt his lip wobble. He didn't want to cry anymore. Chan patted his back.
“It's okay, people are just jerks. What was your desire anyway?”
Felix didn't know what to say. Those other people react so badly. Regardless, Chan was still a stranger. But he was so nice and understanding and caring. Maybe he could understand. Maybe he won't get judged. Felix took a deep breath.
“I said that I wanted to do rape play”.
Chan just stared at him. Felix thought this was it. Here comes all the name calling. The ridicule. How disgusting he is. None of it came.
“I get it”.
“W-what?”
“I get it. Everyone is into what they're into. And that's your thing. I don't think it's fair that they judge you. Binnie tries really hard to keep this place organized and as safe as possible. Jerks like that don't need to be in here”.
“T-thank you”.
It was only a whisper.
“I think the worst part is that I just want to feel whole again. I want to feel like I'm being forced, but I can end it anytime I want to. I want to be in control but not in control at the same time. I just want it for my piece of mind. I know it's messed up. But that's what I need. But I don't think no one would agree to that”.
Chan was silent. It felt like he was silent forever.
“I'll do it.”
Felix was shocked again.
“What?”
“I said I'll do it. Felix, I don't know what happened to you. But I have my guesses. And if this helps you cope With whatever fucked up shit happened to you. Then I'll be more than happy to help you. But that's only if you want to.”
Without even thinking, Felix hugged him. He hugged him so tightly. Chan hugged him back on instinct. Chan felt this warm feeling in his chest. Like Felix belonged in his arms. After a few minutes they pulled away.
“Here, give me your phone”.
Felix handed over his phone with no hesitation. Chan proceeded to put his number in his phone.
“I just put my number in your phone. Contact me whenever you want to start this whole thing. I want this to be all on your terms. When you want it.”
Felix smiled at his contact. Chan smiled at him. Chan stood up from his stool.
“Come on, I should've got back to work hours ago. I'm going to walk you to your car Because I know you don't wanna be here. I'll tell Changbin to tell Your friends that you're in the car.”
As he promised, he walked Felix back to his car. He made sure Felix was safe before leaving. Felix had only laid down on the back seats for twenty minutes before Jisung and Minho got to the car. Jisung was saying something to him, but Felix was too tired to even hear it. Before Felix even knew it. The car was moving and on its way back to their dorms.
A few days passed and Felix did not contact Chan. He was too afraid to. He didn't want this to be a sick joke. He didn't want to contact him and then for Chan just to change his mind. He was scared. To make himself calm down and feel better. He went to his favorite Boba shop on campus, bringing his computer with him. He pulled his hair into a ponytail and wore Jisung's favorite sweater. He swore that he was going to wash it and give it back. But that was a month ago. Sue him for liking the way Jisung smells.
As he was quietly working. He didn't get a chance to order anything yet. But he felt a presence watching him. A few minutes after having that feeling, someone set a boba in front of him. He looked over and saw the man from a few days ago. He remembered his name to be Seungmin.
“Hey listen, I'm sorry for what happened a few days ago. I didn't mean to judge you. Honestly I don't know why I hang out with that group anyway. Whatever you're into is not our right to judge. I thought it was really wrong what she said. I'm the assistant manager here. And I got to that position by memorizing people's favorite drinks. You're Here quite often. So this one, is on the house.”
Felix looked at the drink and smiled.
“Thank you. Now if you don't mind me asking. What was your reasoning to go to the club”.
“Honestly, I don't know. I don't even like things like that. I could tell that you don't either. But when you're friends with one of the bouncers.
And he's friends with the owner, then you get let in to places for free. I'm Asexual, I'll do it if I really Really want to, and be comfortable with it. But I rather watch other people do it. I just think it's so fascinating”.
Felix thought about Jisung and Minho. Then thought about Chan.
“You are friends with Chan”.
“I don't know who that is. I'm friends with Jeongin. Anyway I have to get back to work. Enjoy your boba.”
Felix smiled as he walked away. He thought that he had to tell Jisung about Seungmin later. He also thought about Chan. Not everyone was bad. And he definitely didn't get that vibe from Chan. But he wouldn't know anyway. Felix Wouldn't even see a predator if it was right in front of him. So he finally decided to text him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. He went to his contact. Felix didn't want to overthink it. So he just texted a simple…
Felix/5:15 PM: Hey 👋
Felix didn't want to look at his phone anymore. Just in case if Chan decided not to text back. He didn't want to see the left on seen. As he started doing his work again. His phone chimed.
Chan/5:20 PM: What's up
Felix was surprised that he texted back so quickly.
Felix/5:21 PM: Hello, I didn't think that you'll text back that quickly.
Chan/5:21 PM: LOL, I work from home. And I finished all my work for today. So I literally have nothing better to do. Besides, I was really hoping that you would text me. I really like talking to you Felix. It was nice.
Felix felt something warm spread in his chest.
Felix/5:22 PM: I really like talking to you too.
Chan/5:22 PM: Felix, I want you to know that we don't have to do anything you don't want to. We don't even have to go through with anything. I could just talk to you If you like.
Felix thought about it. He definitely wanted this. He wanted it to happen. He can't really explain why. He just wants to.
Felix/5:23 PM: I want to. I really, really want to.
It was radio silence for a few minutes. Before It said typing.
Chan/5:27 PM: If that's what you really want. Let's discuss how this is going to play out.
Felix already knew what exactly he wanted.
Felix/5:30 PM: You can't talk to me about it or it's going to ruin my head space. The day that it happens, I want you to come over and act normal. Like we're going to watch a movie or something. Then while we are watching the movie. It doesn't matter if it's in the middle, end, or the beginning. Just start touching my leg or something. Don't ask me if this is okay or anything. Just do it. Even if I question you about it, even if I ask you to stop, don't stop. You have to keep going.
Again, radio silence. Felix thought that he was asking for too much.
Chan/5:35 PM: I got it. But we have to think of a safe word. Something that means stop. That you don't want to continue. Something easy to remember.
Felix was happy that Chan answered back. But he was right.
Felix/5:36 PM: 🤔 How about “berry”?
Chan/5:36 PM: Absolutely not.
Felix/5:37 PM: !!! Why Not?
Chan/5:38 PM: Because I don't want to think of my dog while I pretend to assault you.
Felix that that was funny. Felix thought Chan was so nice. He barely knows him and he wants to help him. It made him feel so happy. Made him feel like he was important.
Felix/5:39 PM: LOL Okay not that then.
Chan/5:39 PM: Let's go with “peaches”. It's my favorite fruit.
Felix/5:39 PM: Okay, peaches it is then. Can I ask you a question.
Chan/5:40 PM: Go ahead.
Felix/5:40 PM: How do you know that I'm coping with something.
Chan/5:40 PM: It's just obvious. By the way you talk about how you want to do it. Plus, I looked up rape play for research. So I could help you whatever you want me to do. And most of the reasons why people like to do this type of play. Is to help with past traumas. Not everybody, but some people use it to compensate. And you are one of these people. Felix, I don't know what happened to you. But I would like to try to understand you more. But you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to.
Felix thought about it. It was way easier to spill his guts knowing that Chan is not right in front of him. He wrote and rewrote the text message several times. He wasn't even sure when he sent it out. But he did anyway.
Felix/5:55 PM: When I was ten years old. My family got some new next door neighbors. The family was very nice. They said they moved from the states. It was a dad, mom, 2 brothers and a sister. The sister was my age. While the brother was my older sister's age. And the other brother was getting ready for college. Everything was fine. I like to go over their house and play with the little sister. It wasn't until I turn thirteen when It started happening.
Felix/6:03 PM: I was invited over for a sleepover at their house. I was excited. At this point, me and their daughter were kind of like best friends. I came over and we had lots of fun. At the end of the night, we were going to watch a two hour movie. She ended up falling asleep near the beginning of it. I was still watching when her older brother walked in. The one that's my sister's age. He asked if he could finish the movie with me. I said sure. Then he got under the cover that I was using. I felt a little weird because he didn't even ask if we could share it.
Felix/6:10 PM: In the middle of the movie, he started touching my thigh. I didn't know what to do. So I didn't do anything. When I asked him what he was doing. He said that it was okay, that people did this all the time. I was scared. I told him to stop and that I felt uncomfortable. But he wouldn't. He just continued until he put his hand in my Pajama pants. He touched me till it hurt. After it was over he just left. The next day he told me not to tell my parents. Because then I would get in trouble.
Chan/6:15 PM: …
Chan/6:15 PM: Felix... I'm so sorry.
Felix was so glad that Chan wasn't in front of him. He was already crying, just thinking about it. Just typing it out. It still hurt.
Felix/6:20 PM: That's not even all of it. After that day, he kept doing it. Every time I came over for a play date with his sister. He would touch me. He would even come over to my house and touch me there when no one was around. We didn't have sex the first few times. But one day, his sister texted me that she wanted to play and that no one else was home. I started openly avoiding going over there because of him. So I would only try to go over there when he wasn't home. That's why I came over that day. But to my surprise. She didn't open the door, he did. Apparently, no one else was home but him. He texted me from her phone so I would come over. She left her phone at home.
Chan/6:24 PM: That's absolutely disgusting.
Felix/6:26 PM: Yeah… He told me that I looked tired. So I should go lay down in his bed. And I did, stupidly. I was just scared and didn't know how to say no. I layed down and got under the cover. He got in behind me. With in a few minutes, he was already touching me. He pulled down my pants and underwear and just put it in without a warning. It hurt so much that I screamed. But he put his hand over my mouth.
After that paragraph, Felix stopped texting for a while. The boba shop closed and he went home. Jisung was at his boyfriends. So he cried by himself. His chest shook, and his pillow was stained with tears
Chan/6:30 PM: Felix… Are you okay.
Chan/6:35 PM: I understand if you need some space.
Chan/6:35 PM: Just text me when you feel like it. And we don't have to finish the conversation if you don't want to.
Felix/9:27 PM: Sorry, I just needed a few hours. I like talking to you. You make me feel better about myself. I've never told anyone The full story. Not even my parents, not even Jisung. So I would like to continue if that's okay with you.
Felix didn't expect to get an answer so quickly.
Chan/9:28 PM: Yeah, it's fine… I just want to make sure you're okay.
Instead of texting back, Felix called him. The phone rang for a few seconds before he heard Chan's sweet voice.
“Hello Felix”.
“Hi Channie, Wait, sorry. Can I call you that?”
There was a small chuckle over the other line.
“Yeah, of course you can”.
Felix heard more shuffling.
“What's going on over there Channie”.
“Just trying to get comfortable in my bed. So I can listen to you properly. Felix, I want to give you my full attention. Tell me what happened.”
Felix took deep breaths. He had to compose himself. It was way harder talking about it out loud. Then just texting about it.
“After that. He would find every excuse or time to touch me. Just playing. When I came over. He even touched me under the table when we had dinner with there family. He even touched me in a public restaurant. That's the day he realized that he could touch me in public places. He even started touching me in front of my parents and his. It felt like a slap in the face. Every time that I was at the dinner table trying to talk to my mom. While his hand was in my pants. I would try not to cry or squirm or give it away.”
“I'm so sorry Felix. I don't mean to sound insensitive. But why didn't you tell on him.“
“I was too scared to when I was younger. But as I got older, more into my teenage years. Enough was enough. I broke one day and threatened to tell everything. But the next moment he hit me so hard that I blacked out. When I woke up, my lip was bleeding. And he said if I told anyone. He was going to hurt me physically. Like he wasn't already hurting me physically. I was terrified. I told my mom that I bust my lip while play fighting. And that was that. I never said anything.”
It was silence on Chan's part. Felix waited for a response. When nothing came. Felix tried to speak to him.
“You okay? Are you still there Channie”.
There was more silence for a few seconds. Before Felix heard him speak again.
“Yeah, yeah, I'm still here. I'm just so angry. How could someone do that to you? How could someone do that to anybody? You should have told on him. That monster is still walking around like he didn't do anything to you.”
“Well, actually, he isn't. I was anticipating the day he would leave for college. I was counting down the days he would leave. I was so happy when he said he was looking for colleges. And that he found one that he liked. All the way in a different country. I was horrified when the day he was supposed to be announcing the college he got into. They announced instead that he was staying to take over his father's car shop. And since he was taking over the shop, he could still live with his parents. I cried myself to sleep that night, and he touched me the next day. I realize something that day. That if I wanted this to stop. I had to leave and get far away from him. So that's exactly what I did. I studied really hard. I tryed not coming home as much as I can. I made sure I was valedictorian of my class. I decided to go somewhere as far away from him as possible. I was already half korean. So, anywhere my parents would approve, it would have to be Korea. I love korea anyway. And it was even better that we would literally be a whole continent away. I worked hard and got a full ride scholarship to not only the college I wanted to go to, but several other colleges that offered. My family was very excited and I was just happy to leave.”
“I'm glad that you got away from him”.
Felix could hear more rustling and the sound of sheets rubbing together.
“Yeah, the crazier part is a day before I was supposed to leave for the airport. He got me alone again. At this point, I just stop caring. I knew there was nothing that I could say or do. So I just let it happen. But after he was finished. He suddenly started going on About how he loves me. How he's been in love with me for a long time. How that we could make a relationship work. How we could do long distance and visit each other on holidays. And this time, it could be on my terms. That we could have sex any time I wanted. He could wait. Then he had the audacity to apologize for everything. He said that he doesn't even remember half the shit he did to me. But I do. That he will make it up to me. That he just didn't know how to express his feelings. And that's why he did all that stuff to me. I just looked at him. I called him a psychopath, then left. The next day, I was on a plane to Korea. I haven't seen him in person since. And I don't want to either.”
“That doesn't explain how he was caught for what he did. I want that bastard to go down.”
“He did. And he still going down. Literally four months into college. I got a call for my mom. She was crying and hysterical. And she asked me was it true. I was so confused. She couldn't calm down. So my dad ended up talking to me instead. He immediately got to the point. He asked me if it was true that I was getting assaulted for years. That I was being touched by the boy next door ever since I was thirteen. I was shocked that he even said that. But I told the truth. I told the complete truth. I answered every question that my dad had.”
“What happened? How did your parents figure out?”.
Turns out, after I left. All he had left was guilt eating away at him for everything he did to me. He broke within four months of me being away. He told everything. He told on himself. He told how it happened. With significantly less details then I had. Apparently, he broke down to his mother and father what he did to me. Then they immediately told my parents. Then my parents called me a few hours after the chaos broke loose. But I kind of knew that I was going to get a call for my parents that day. Because my sisters were texting me about something weird going on at the house. And then started texting me if I was okay. If I was alright. That they should have realized Sooner. My parents called me to confirm his story with me. Our stories matched up, but mine just had more detail. The police was called and he was immediately arrested. The police also talked to me that night. I was on the phone for like four hours. An investigation opened up. It's still on going to this day. But the truth is already out and he already admitted to everything.”
“If that's the case. Why is the case still ongoing.”
“Because I refuse to go home. They can't exactly force me to come home. Especially because I don't even live in the same continent anymore. I at least have to go to one trial with him in it. I refuse to go home. His parents are already offering two hundred thousand dollars for what happened. But I want to see him go down. His family is really nice. He was just terrible. His parents already told me that whatever Happens after the trial. They will still offer me the money for all the emotional and physical damage he caused to me. He was arrested. And nobody will get him out of bond. And since sexual assault is not taken seriously in any sense. I mean, a guy can be confirmed as a rapist and get community service. Which is absolutely ridiculous. And i'm a guy, so my case is even more difficult. But since I won't come home. And I need to be there for the last hearing. The judge ruled that he will sit in jail on bond until I am back from college. And that's in another three years. Even if the system does fail me. Knowing that I have him sitting in jail on my terms make me feel better. Is that wrong of me.”
“No Felix, fuck that guy. He had no right to do what he did. I'm so happy you got away from him. You shouldn't feel bad or have any remorse for him. He stole something from you that you can never get back. And i'm so sorry that he did.”
“It's okay Channie. But i'm glad that I met you. Because you want to help me without even asking. You're so kind.”
There's a small chuckle over the phone.
“I'm glad that you trust me to do this with you. Don't worry, I promise not to hurt you. I'll do whatever you want me to.”.
They talked for another few hours. They disgust The day and the time it was going to happen. Chen insisted that he wanted to give felix a big hug the first time They meet in person again. Felix it he would love that, but he couldn't until After the play or risk the hug making him break down instead. Chan was pouty but he agreed. Felix found him so endearing. They talked until Felix's phone died.
Then talk some more when Felix’s phone was charged enough to turn back on. They only stop the conversation when Felix literally couldn't say coherent sentences anymore due to tiredness. The next day Felix set up a video chat and they talked all day then too. Felix even missed one of his classes. Chan was really smart, so he helped him with his schoolwork. While Chan got work done himself. They spoke everyday For hours until the day came where Chan was supposed to see him in person.
It was going to be a lot that day. Especially for Felix. He made sure that Jisung Was going to be out for the whole day. He even convinced him to stay the night at his boyfriend's house. It wasn't like that Felix had to do much convincing anyway. He put Chan down as a visitor so he could get into the college dorms very easily. As soon as Jisung left after asking a lot of pacific questions. Felix got ready.
He knew that this was going to be a play. But he still wanted to look pretty for him. Chan wasn't really a monster. He was just playing as one. Felix wanted to look so pretty. Felix never wanted to look pretty for anybody. Felix brushed and straighten his hair, then put on his favorite blue sweater. And some baby blue pajama pants to match. He put on some makeup to look less tired and made sure his lips look glossy and full.
As he was putting on the finishing touches. He heard a knock on his door. It couldn't have been no one else but him. He braced himself. As soon as he would see him, he would have to pretend. He wanted this so bad, but talking to Chan for so long. He doesn't know if he could actually go through with it. But he really wants this. He wants to create that feeling again, but also have the liberty to stop everything. There was another knock on the door. He had to go get it.
He took a deep breath. And walked to the door and opened it. Felix's stomach dropped when he saw him. He was just wearing a black T-shirt and black cargo pants. But it was enough to make Felix's stomach flutter. Chan gave Felix a small smile. Felix could see that Chan's hands were twitching as if he wanted to hug him. Which felix knew he did. But they agreed that hugs and kisses will be after the play. Felix's voice was caught in his throat. He had rehearsed what he was going to say dozens and dozens of times before this day. But now Chan actually was in front of him. He can't seem to remember what he actually rehearsed all of those days.
“Aren't you going to invite me in. I thought we're going to go watch a movie, remember?”
Felix's whole body shivered when Chan spoke to him.
“Y-yes, A-A movie. W-we were going to watch a movie”.
“Hey… we don't have to watch “the movie” if you don't want to. We can do something else”.
Chan put air quotes around the word. Felix think he's sweet for still trying to commit to the play. Even though they're both probably freaking out.
“NO, n-no I want to watch the movie. I'm just s-scared and excited at the same time, and n-nervous. And i'm trying not to pass out”.
Chan chuckled at him. He grabbed Felix's hands. And made him look at him.
“It's okay to feel all these things. But I want you to know this. it's okay if we don't watch "the movie". I'm not going to get upset with you. Or hurt you if you say no. Do you understand”.
Felix nodded his head. He was trying to think of a way to say it without breaking the little bit of whatever this is.
“As long as you let me go get some peaches. When I say so, then everything is going to be fine.”
Chan understood immediately.
“Of course”.
Chan squiz his hand lightly. They both walked in. Felix led Chan to the living room. There was already a movie paused on the screen. And a bunch of snacks on the table. There was a huge blanket on the couch folded. Felix grabbed it and got under it, getting cozy. Chan joined him. Scooting right next to him. Then he moved his arm behind the couch effectively pulling felix closer. It made Felix jolt, but he didn't push him away.
Jurassic Park was the movie that Felix picked. The lights were turned off, and Felix started the movie. He was very nervous. But felt very calm somehow. They watch the movie like regular. Chan even commented on his favorite part of the movie. About a little more than halfway through the movie. Felix felt Chan's hand move to his thigh. He rubs circles with his thumb. Felix jumped a bit. But this is okay. He told him to do this. He knew it was coming. And it was okay.
Felix didn't know how to respond, so he didn't. They continued watching the movie. Until Chan's entire hand gripped his thigh. Moving it in between his legs and rubbing his hand over Felix's crotch. Felix's whole body shivered.
“U-ummm”.
Chan looked over at Felix.
“Is everything okay Lix”.
“Y-yeah, it's just that, y-you're touching me.”
“Oh… Is that okay”.
Felix visibly shivered.
“No, I don't like these touches.”
Felix's voice hitched when Chan palmed him harder.
“It's ok, everyone touches like this. It's normal and it feels good. Don't you feel good?”
Felix didn't really know how to respond. He was rock hard in his pants. And Chan palming him made it hard to think. Felix felt like he should run away, but he also felt safe. It was a weird feeling.
“N-no, what if we get in t-trouble? W-what if someone comes home?”
Chan took this opportunity to slip his hand in Felix's pants. He rubbed his large hands over Felix's tip. Spreading the pricum over his head. Felix bit his lip as his body trembled.
“It's okay, you won't get in trouble. It can be our little secret. No one needs to know”.
“B-but I-I don't w-want to-.”
“Shh…shh… It's okay. It will feel good, I promise.”
Chan stroked him slowly. Felix whined as Chen moved closer. Chan used his other hand to hike up Felix's shirt. He felt over his abs. Grazing his nipple with his thumb. Felix put his hend over his mouth. As scared as Felix was, this felt good. He didn't want to admit it. He didn't want to say he had a problem. But this felt good. it felt right. Chan moved Felix into his lap.
He let go of Felix and slipped his hand out of his pants to turn him around. So they could be facing each other. Chan rubbed Felix's back.
“Let's get these pants off of you”.
Felix wanted to protest. He wasn't ready for his pants to come off. But before he could say anything. Chan was already taking his pants and underwear off. It slipped easily down his legs. Since it was only pajama pants. Felix suddenly regretted choosing those ones to wear even though it matched His sweater. Chan helped to kick them off. Immediately, Chan's hands moved to Felix's ass, cupping both of them.
“Your skin is so soft, baby~”
Chen needed his ass with his hands slowly. Felix wanted to cry. He felt disgusting. He was disgusting. How could he like something like this. Chan spreaded his cheeks apart with his hends. Felix gasped as his eyes started to prickle with tears.
"N-no, no, don't."
Chan started to pry one finger into his hole. Felix could feel how hard he was underneath him. Chan's finger slipped in with resistance. Leaving a sharp pain in Felix's back along with pleasure. Felix felt disgusted with himself. He really liked it. But it hurt.
"Please stop, it hurts".
The tears fell as he begged. Chan just started to rub his other hand up and down Felix's leg, relaxing him.
"Oh baby, doesn't that feel good?"
Felix hiccupped as he wanted to tell him no. But, it did feel good. It hurt, it was dry, it was painful. But it felt good.
"N-no, please stop, it hurts god, it hurts".
The tears were full on falling now. As he cried, he thought about the times he begged him to stop. The times that he couldn't take it. The times that he thought about ending himself just to make all the pain go away. He wouldn't have to face him the next day.
Chan's eyes softened in concern. It was an act. Felix wasn't in danger. He was safe with him. He knew that.
"Oh baby~, come on, let's make this easier for you."
Chan went into his pocket and got out a small bottle of lube. He removed his finger from Felix. Felix laid his head on Chan's shoulder as he quietly sobbed. Chan rubbed his back with his clean hand.
"Hey, do you want to go get some peaches?"
Chan whispered in his ear. Felix continued to sob. He calmed himself down enough to answer.
"N-no, I'm okay..... I-I just need to br-breathe".
Chan moved to kiss Felix's forehead.
"Okay.... just tell me if you want some."
Chan was warming up the lube in one of his hands as he was still grounding Felix with his other. He waited until Felix calmed down enough. Once his breathing studied. Chan stuck his finger back inside, then a second one came in close behind.
Felix yelped and moaned loudly. His whole body was shaking. Chan wasn't sure if it was from pleasure or fear. He honestly couldn't tell. Chan pumped those fingers in and out of Felix. Felix arched his back when Chan touched a particular spot.
"Ah~ ah~ Fu-ck~".
Felix hiccuped through tears.
"You like that~. Want me to do it again.".
"Y-yes, N-no, I-I don't know."
Felix's breathing was heavy. He was gripping chan's shoulders like his life depended on it. Chan thrusted his fingers deeper as he started to hit that same spot. At this rate, Felix was going to cum untouched. He was leaking so much pre cum that it was starting to staine the bottom of Chan’s shirt and his pants.
It also didn't help that Felix's cockhead was rubbing against Chan's clothed stomach. Felix felt overwhelmed, sad, disgusting, angry, used. But he also felt safe, calm, content, like everything was going to be ok. Like Chan cared on a deeper level that no one else did.
"Come on baby, cum for me. I know you want to. You know you like this. Being used. Being treated like you're nothing but a slut."
"I-I'm not, ah~, I'm n-not a slut".
"Oh, yes you are. Who else would like to be used and abuse like this but a slut. You'll let me use your dirty hole every day if I wanted to. Take you in public. Let everyone watch. Show them how dirty you are. Why else would you like it?"
"Ah~ I'm s-sorry, I-I don't know why I like i-it. I know, i'm d-disgusting. P-please, forgive me."
Felix squeaked through tears. He was fully rocking into Chan's fingers. Chan sounded just as wrecked as Felix feels. sweat was sticking to his forehead. He felt just as lost in it as felix.
"O-oh, God, Please Channie~, ah~ p-please stop, it's too much."
Chan just grid at him.
"Come on, you can take it, just a little more. You have gone through worse."
"N-no~, I-I can't, I~ ah~".
Before Felix could even finish his sentence. Chan slipped his other hand under Felix's shirt. tweaking his nipple with his thumb. Simultaneously latching his mouth on to his neck. He sucked roughly. Making sure it would turn purple.
That scent Felix over the edge. He started squirting cum all over Chan shirt and chest. Thick ropes landed and seat through his shirt. Chan rubbed Felix through it.
It started to feel overwhelming. Well, he already was. But this was a different feeling. It started to burn. He was over stimulated. His brain wanted to shut off on him. But he had to tell him.
"I-I want the p-peaches now."
That's all it took for Chan to stop. He immediately took his hand from under his shirt and slowly slipped his fingers out. They both breathed heavily. It was silence between both of them as they caught their breaths. Chan broke the silence.
"I am so proud of you. You did such a good job. You are amazing, you know that, right. You're so perfect and beautiful and you're not disgusting, you're not a slut. You're so brave. I'm so blessed to have you right now. My little Lixie."
Chan showered him with such love and kisses afterward. He didn't care that there was a mess between them. He hugged him so tightly as he talked to him. Felix felt how hard he was underneath him still.
"You're still hard. S-should I help you".
Felix's body was trembling as he asked. He didn't think he could take anymore for the day, but he wanted to help.
"Oh no, Lixie~, This was about you. You deserve to get off. I can get off any time. But right now, this is about your healing. So i'm completely okay, just like this".
Chan kissed his forehead. Afterward, he cleaned him up. Then he excused himself to the bathroom. Chan was gone for about twenty minutes. Felix could guess what he was doing in there.
After he came back. Felix gave chance some clothes that he could fit. They turned on a completely different movie. They cuddled for the rest of the night.
After that day, they met every other week. Chan was good at playing a monster. He was mean, brutal, degrading, rough. But He wasn't actually a monster. The aftercare was always so nice. He took care of Felix. Washed him up, made him feel loved.
He didn't feel disgusting when he was with him. Chan gave him praise for everything. For using the safeword. For telling him when it actually hurts. For calming down when it becomes too much.
One time, Chan was over. Felix was feeling bad about himself. So he started calling himself names. Chan had enough. He brought Felix to his big mirror. He proceeded to make Felix praise himself while he hugged and kissed him from behind. He made him tell him that he was beautiful, that he was perfect, that he was an amazing human.
Felix didn't believe His words yet. But while Chan was there, it was more possible. Once every other week, turned into once a week, then twice a week, then every other day. They would meet every day if they had the time.
Chan was so respectful of Felix. They only did plays when Felix asked for it. Most of the time, Chan didn't even cum. He was purely an advocate for Felix's pleasure. They only did sex stuff about once a week.
And they never got to penetration. It was just too much. Felix was terrified. Not of the action of doing it with Chan. But he's afraid that if he goes all the way with him, Chan wouldn't want to hang out with him anymore. Or just be around. He's terrified of losing him.
It was getting more and more stressful to hide this from his best friend. When they meet up, they mostly meet up at Felix's dorm. He tries to only invite him over when Jisung Is not around. Jisung is always around. But there's always those moments.
Felix used to spend his days waiting for Jisung to get home. Now he invites Chan over when Jisung isn't home. He almost got caught once with him. Jisung and Minho came back early because the power in Minho’s apartment went out.
Jisung asked if Felix was ok. His eyes were puffy from crying. His legs were shaky and wobbly. He had bruises on his knees, and rope burns around his wrist. They just got finished doing a play where Felix was being forced on his knees by a kidnapper. He was being forced to suck the kidnappers dick. Felix was choking most of the time, but that's how he wanted it.
The only reason why he came out of his room was because he heard the front door. He told Chan to be quiet as he went to check what was going on. He told Jisung He was fine. He said that he was just tired, and thinking about the past made him upset.
Jisung accepted this answer and told him to get some rest. Minho, on the other hand, did not look impressed or amused. He definitely didn't believe him at all. So Felix avoided looking him directly into his eyes.
Them almost getting caught was a month ago. Their whole thing has been going on for at least three now. Right now, Felix was texting him. They were talking about everything and nothing while Felix relaxed on his couch. Jisung came home with Minho, like always, and found Felix on the couch.
"Hey Lix, you okay?"
Jisung asked as he put down groceries.
"I'm okay."
Felix didn't look up from his phone as he answered.
"You know, you've been smiling like an idiot ever since we walked in here."
Felix finally looked up. Minho crossed his arms and smiled at Felix.
"W-what"?
"Don't play dumb Felix. You know what i'm talking about. So, who's the lucky guy. Who has finally made you feel safe again? "
"What I-"
Jisung finally jumped up and hugged Felix when he realized what they were talking about.
"Oh my gosh, Felix. I'm so happy for you. You found a boyfriend."
Minho rolled his eyes.
"He's not exactly secretive about it either. Like, come on, I kind of noticed. But I also have my suspicions. I don't even think you know that your guys are dating. So what's going on Felix."
Jisung looked at Felix to.
Felix didn't know what to say.
"I honestly don't know. I feel so confused when I look at him. I don't want him to leave me. But I don't want to pressure him to stay. I just don't know what to do. I really, really, like him. I might love him. But I am terrified to lose him."
Felix curled himself into a ball. Minho and Jisung looked at each other. They both sat next to Felix, comforting him.
"Felix, you'll never know if you don't try. It's scary, I know, i've been there. But to be happy, you have to take that leap."
Minho says.
Felix, no matter what happens. At the end of the day, me and Minho are here for you."
They both hugged him. Then, they went to go put away the food. Felix just sat there silently for a bit. Then Felix's phone chimed.
💗Channie💗/3:15 PM: Felix?... You okay?... Are we still going out to dinner tonight. There's this really nice restaurant I think that you would like.
Felix/3:16 PM: Channie, are we like, boyfriends...
Felix stared at his phone. He didn't get a reply for 5 minutes. He was starting to get upset. That's all the answer he needed. But then, Chan texted it back.
💗Channie💗/3:21 PM: Felix, get dressed. I'm coming to pick you up. I will be there in a hour or so.
Felix/3:22 PM: Okay, but that doesn't answer my question. 😓
💗Channie💗/3:23 PM: LOL, Don't worry. I promise I'll give you an answer. I just need you to trust me. Get ready, where whatever you like, as long as you're comfortable in it.
Felix/3:24 PM: Okay...
Felix didn't know what to do. He wanted to look pretty. But His fashion since isn't that great. He was told plenty of times by Jisung that he looks good in everything. So he asked him if he could help him get ready. Jisung was more than happy to pick out an outfit for him.
He doesn't know how long it took him to get dressed and ready. But after Jisung was finished. Felix was wearing a See through silk long sleeves shirt. With a white leather vest over it. He paired it with white shorts. And lastly, with some white fish net stockings underneath. Just to make his legs look good.
"Look at you. You look amazing."
Felix just shrugged at Jisung's comment.
"Thank you. I just hope that he likes it".
"He's going to love it. No one's going to resist all that".
Jisung helped Felix put on makeup before grabbing his cross bag to leave. He passed Minho while putting on his shoes at the door.
"You look amazing. You sure gonna drive whoever you're going out with crazy. I'm really proud of you, you know. You came so far from where you were."
He looked back at both of them.
"What do you mean Minho".
"I mean, you went from being terrified of Jisung. Staying in your room unless absolutely necessary. Skipping the one class you had in person every single day. and constantly depressed every day to the point where you can't even get out of bed. To making an effort to leave at least once a day. Being around me and Jisung. Just asking to go to a club for the first time. And even finding a boyfriend. Felix, I know you're not done healing. But this really is a good start. You've come so far. You should be proud of yourself. Just like me and Jisung are."
Felix sniffled. He didn't want to cry again. But it made him so happy hearing that from Minho. He pulled both of them into a hug just before he left.
"Wait, I wanna tell you guys that I might not come home tonight. So you guys have the apartment to yourselves".
Felix remembered what Seungmin told him.
"Hey, are you guys still looking for a person to watch you do it."
They both looked at each other.
"Yeah, why?"
Jisung tilted his head. Felix got his phone out.
"Here, I know this really nice guy. He's actually been looking for a couple to watch have sex. He doesn't really like sex, just the idea of it. He likes to watch other people without getting asked to join. So I think he might be perfect."
Felix texted Jisung the number on his way out the door. They said their last goodbyes before leaving. As soon as Felix stepped out, the car was waiting for him. Felix has never been in Chan's car.
His car was really nice on the outside. Felix opened the door and got in. It was really nice on the inside too. As soon as Felix got into the car, Chan greeted him by kissing him on the cheek.
"There you are. Wow, you look amazing."
"T-thank you, you look really good too."
That wasn't a understatement. Chen looked and smelt like he had a lot of money. And his car would definitely give it away. Felix didn't really care for money, but this is the first time he seen him flash it a bit.
Chan was wearing a button down black shirt. Black pants, and had a rolex watch on his wrist. Felix, felt distracted, just by looking at him. They looked like night and day. Completely different, but yet the same. Chan started to drive off.
Felix liked looking at the city lights. He realized that he must have tookin longer than he expected him to.
"I'm sorry. Did I keep you waiting for a long time."
Chan smiled while still looking at the road.
"No, honestly, you could have took a million years, and I would still be waiting for you. I'm just glad you took a bit longer. So I got everything done that I need to for your surprise."
Chan put his hand in Felix's over the console.
"You have a surprise for me."
Chan notted as he continued to drive. Chan drove him to this huge building. He excorded him inside. Felix felt awkward while Chan talked to the lady up front. Afterwards, Chan guided him towards the elevator.
He pressed the top floor. When he was up there, they went to the end of the hallway. Chan got the key out and opened the door. Felix was amazed to see this beautiful penthouse apartment. You can see all of Seoul from the living room. They took their shoes off at the door.
"Wow Channie, this is amazing. Why didn't you tell me you had this much money."
"I didn't want to scare you away. Lots of money scares people. Or causes situations where I can be taken advantage of. But I trust you utterly and completely. So I need you to trust me".
Felix nodded his head.
"I trust you."
Chan brought Felix to the kitchen. There were two empty glasses of wine, a wine bottle, and it looked like there was very expensive steaks sitting there. Felix sat down and smiled while Chan opened the bottle of wine.
"You told me that you like steak, but you never get the chance to eat it these days. That's why I wanted to bring you to that restaurant. But I figured it would be more romantic if I made the stake myself."
Felix gasp.
"You did all this yourself."
Chan chuckled.
"Yes, that's why i'm so grateful that you took a long time to get ready. I should've at least given myself three hours to prepare. By the time I was pulling up, you were coming outside. Talk about perfect timing."
They both laughed. Chan poured both of them a glass. They both ate dinner together talking about nothing and everything. Felix felt like he was floating. Especially with expensive alcohol in his system.
He wanted to spend time with Chan every day. Tell him how much he loves him. He was still scared. How could Chan love someone like him. He has so many problems. So many insecurities. problems that would immediately turn off a person.
Before Felix could think about anything else, Chan grabbed his hand.
"You okay Lix".
"Y-yeah, I'm okay."
Chan didn't look convinced, but he accepted his answer anyway. Chan led him to the living room. They stood by the huge windows. Looking at the city. Chan started to speak.
"Felix, I don't mean to sound cliche. But you truly are one of the most amazing, beautiful, and brave people i've ever met in my entire life. The day that I saw you at the club. I knew you were special. I just didn't know how far it would go. I thought, I'll talk to you. Get your number, maybe hook up. And that will be that. But you're way more. You are such a deep person with everything you have gone through. It's actually amazing that you're still here. Most people would have given up by now. But you didn't. I am so blessed that I met you. And I want to officially make you mine. That's why I didn't say it over the phone. Because I knew I had to say it in person. Lee Felix, will you officially be my boyfriend."
Felix was stunned. How could he meet someone so perfect and sweet. He didn't feel like he deserved him. Felix started to cry.
"What's wrong baby. I'm sorry, was it too soon. If you don't want to be with me. I understand. That doesn't mean i'm going anywhere though."
"N-no...No, you're amazing, you're perfect. Your confession was perfect. I loved every second of it. But me, i'm the problem. Why would you want to be with someone like me. I have so much baggage. So many problems. I spiral over the littlest things. I get called beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, every single day by strangers, but I can't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusting. How can you be with someone like me. I just don't understand."
Felix was sobbing at this point. Chan grabbed his hands.
"Felix, I don't think of you that way at all. I love you so much. I want to spend forever with you. I do not care about your past. But I care about your health. So please. Allow me to help you. Allow me to be there for you. Felix, you told me that you don't think australia is safe anymore. The home you grew up in. But I want to change that for you. I want you to be safe with me. Safe in my arms. Allow me to be your safe place."
Felix sniffled.
"And you're sure you chose me."
Chan nodded while kissing Felix's forehead. Felix smiled and giggled.
"Please, I don't want anything else."
Felix wrapped his arms around chan's neck. Chan hugged him tightly. They looked at each other longingly.
"Can we kiss now".
Chan chuckled. He closed the distance. Chan picked Felix up and pressed him against the window. The kiss quickly turned heated. There tongues danced between each other.
Felix was quickly getting hard, and so was Chan. He grinded his crotch against Felix.
"Ah~ s-shit~"
Chan chuckled.
"You're so sensitive."
Felix whimpered.
"Sh-shut up, and take me to your room, please."
Chan smiled and kissed the corner of Felix's mouth. Felix wrapped his legs around Chan's waist as he started to walk him towards his room. Chan opened his room door.
His room was not disappointing. There was a king size bed in the middle. With the same windows that was in the living room. Purple lights were surrounding the bed. Chan laid Felix in the middle. Felix was already squirming.
He felt highly uncomfortable in his clothes now. But before Chan did anything, he looked at him.
"Are you sure you want to do this? I won't be upset if you say you're not ready yet."
Felix wimpard again.
"Channie, I want you so bad it actually hurts".
Chan smiled faintly
"Okay baby, what's the safe word"
"Peaches."
"Good boy".
He planted a kiss on Felix's forehead, before unbuttoning the vest. It revealed Felix's chest. The shirt was see through, so Chan could see his nipples. Chan immediately started to circle his thumb on one of them.
Felix's breath got caught in his throat. Before Felix could do anything. Chan licked his nipple through his shirt, swirling his tongue around it. Felix's back already started to arch off the bed. He parted his lips in a silent o.
Chan rubbed one of his nipples with his thumb while swirling his tongue with the other. Felix squirmed while he ran his fingers through Chan's hair.
When Chan released his nipple. There was a very noticeable wet spot on his shirt. Felix panted. Felix proceeded to lift his shirt enough to be over his nipples.
Felix doesn't like taking off all of his close. It's another one of these things that Chan doesn't ask about but already knows why.
Chan unbuttoned his shirt all the way down. Felix immediately started to touch over Chan's abs. Chan was straddling Felix's legs, grinding his crotch against his. It was making Felix squirm and whimper.
"Ah~ S-stop fucking a-around. I-I need it so bad. Take off my shorts already. "
Chan laughed so sweetly. Chan started to kiss down his belly, making his way to his shorts. He unbuttoned Felix's shorts and took them off of him. He was surprised to see that Felix wasn't wearing any underwear. Just the white fish net stockings that were straining and getting wet with pre-cum.
Chan looked up at Felix. He felt embarrassed.
"Well, my best friend told me to skip the underwear. He said it would be sexier this way."
Chan smiled deviously.
"Your friend is absolutely right."
Felix's cock twitched as Chan looked at it. Chan body shuddered at how excited felix was. Chan left the bed. He went to his dresser. He rummage through it for a bit. He came back with a bottle of lube.
He tossed it on the bed next to Felix. Chan unbuckled his pants. He zipped down his zipper and took his cock out. It was hot and heavy in between his legs.
"God, baby, you see how hard you got me right now. You did this. You're so extraordinary."
Felix gave him a sad smile.
"Don't say things like that".
Chan smiled.
"I'll say it every day until you believe it."
Without giving any warning. Chan ripped a huge hole in Felix's stockings. Felix yelped.
"Channie, that was the nicest piece of clothing I own."
"I'll buy you whatever you want. Whenever you like. I just need to be inside you now."
Felix moaned at his statement. Felix handed Chan the lube that was near his head. He applied a generous amount on his shaft.
"Do you want some on your hole"
Felix felt embarrassed again. He put his hands over his face.
"Don't say it like that".
Chan laughed
"It's a legitimate question."
Felix rolled his eyes fondly.
"Okay, but make it quick. I finally want my boyfriend to fuck me properly."
Chan smiled and lean down to kiss Felix. Felix kissed him back. As they were kissing. Chan took two of his lubed fingers and pressed them into Felix's hole.
Felix broke off the kiss to moan loudly. He thrusted his fingers carefully. Opening him up slowly. Felix was gripping Chan's neck. He was for sure going to leave scratch marks there.
After he felt like he was open enough. He took his fingers out. Chan replaced it with his cock. He lined himself up with Felix's hole. Before he could press in. Felix stopped him. He looked up at Felix's face. There were tears in his eyes.
"Wait, are you sure you'll be okay with it, if I say I want peaches? You won't be mad at me."
Chen pressed his forehead against his.
"Of course baby. Do you want some peaches right now?"
Felix shook his head no.
"I'm just a little scared, that's all."
"It's okay. If I were you. I would be terrified to. I'll go slow. I promise."
Felix nodded his head. He let him continue. Chan pressed in slowly like he promised. It took him a few minutes to fully get seated inside of him. They both let out a grown simultaneously.
He was flushed against Felix’s ass. He stayed still until Felix told him to move. He started his movements slowly. Felix immediately started crying once he pushed in.
Chan knew this would start happening. It was unavoidable. Chan grabbed Felix's hand.
"You're doing so good baby. You're okay. I promise, you're safe with me".
Chan was trying to comfort him. But it was hard when he was in Felix's tight heat for the first time.
"D-does, i-it feel g-good for you too?"
Felix hiccuped out.
"Y-yes, it feels so good. You feel so good. You're, so good for me."
Felix let out a sob as Chan rocked his hips hard into him.
"Sorry, baby. I'll slow down".
"N-no, no, please don't. I want it to hurt."
Chan looked a little concern.
"Are you sure."
"Y-yes, I need it to hurt."
Chan nodded without asking any more questions. Chan gripped Felix's waist and started to slam into him hard. Felix let out a small scream and sob. The sounds were absolutely sloppy. You could hear each slap in the room.
Chan lifted his waist off the bed as he did this. Felix felt like his senses we're working on overdrive. He could hear Chan's belt jingling. The small sounds that Chan made as he thrusted. The bed creaking and the backboard hitting the wall. He could hear it all. It made the moment more real.
"Oh, C-channie~ T-thank you, thank you, Thank you... I-I-I l-love you. I love you s-so much."
Chin grunted.
"Shit Lix~. Your body is so fucking amazing. Tell yourself you're amazing."
"W-what".
Felix was tookin a back by that.
"You heard me~. Tell yourself that you're amazing or I will stop."
Chan grabbed Felix's legs, spreading them further and pushing them up towards Felix's chest. Effectively making his dick touch a spot inside Felix that feels amazing.
Felix moaned loudly. Then Chan halted all of his movements. Both of them were panting. Felix was so close.
"W-why did you stop."
Chan smirked.
"Say it, and I'll continue moving."
Felix threw his head back in frustration. Felix loves this idiot but this was hard for him. Felix hasn't said anything good about himself in years. But he had to make him move.
"O-okay, okay, I-I'm a-a-amazing."
Chan started to move again. It was slow, but with deep rolls with his hips.
"Go ahead, keep going gorgeous."
Chin's voice sounded so steady but lost at the same time. It was honestly impressive. He had his composure but losing it fast.
"I-I'm amazing, and I'm beautiful and p-pretty."
"Y-yes, keep going."
With every compliment. Chan went faster.
"I-I'm so kind, and I deserve to be loved. I-I have so many people who care about me. I'm brave. I'm sp-special, I'm g-gorgeous. I-I'm I'm... I-I'm so c-close. C-channie~ I'm going to~ ah~"
Felix let out a high-pitched moan as he started to release all over his chest and stomach. Even some of it shot on his face. Chan fucked him right through it. That was enough to send him over the edge. Chan grunted loudly as he spilled his seed into Felix's body. It felt like Felix was milking every last drop out of him.
Chan connected their lips As he shallowly thrusted into him a few more times, grinding his hips down. They made out lazily as they caught their breaths. Chan gripped Felix's thighs so hard. It was going to leave bruises in the morning.
They both winced as Chan pulled out slowly. Chen collapsed on top of Felix, hugging him. Felix hugged back. Chan peppered kisses on the side of Felix's face and neck. Wherever he could reach, really.
"You did so well. You're awesome. You know that, right?"
Chan lifted his head and looked at Felix. He waited for him to say it.
"Y-yes, I am awesome."
Chan chuckled and pecked felix on the lips.
"You don't look like you believe it."
"I don't, but with you around. I will, eventually."
Chan kissed him again.
"That's what I like to hear."
Chan gave Felix some clothes to change into. They took a shower together. Chan scrub Felix carefully. Felix felt so relaxed with him. Afterward, they popped some popcorn and watched a comedy movie as they cuddled.
As the movie was playing, Felix's phone chimed.
💫Quokka💫/ 10:45 PM: Hay Lixie 👋. I just wanted to say thanks again for giving us the number. We texted him immediately. And he said he literally had nothing else to do. So he came over. It was actually really amazing. He was so respectful. And he even gave us discounts for the boba shop.
Felix/ 10:46 PM: Lol, I'm happy for you. And, you are right. The fish net thing. Yeah, he ripped a huge hole in them.
💫Quokka💫/ 10:47 PM: LMAO 🤣 😆 😂. Soooo you guys, you know, 🍑💦🍆 👉👌 🥵😏.
Felix/ 10:48 PM: Oh my gosh, you're so stupid. Yes, we hid the banana. (￢_￢) (≧ヘ≦ ).
💫Quokka💫/ 10:49 PM: LOL, tell me all about it later. Enjoy your cuddle session with your bay ☺️.
Felix/ 10:50 PM: You too, Talk to you later.
Felix put down his phone. Chan rubbed his eyes as he put the cover over Felix. Chan cuddled closer to Felix.
"I love you, Lix".
"I love you too"
They fell asleep together peacefully. For the first time in a long time. Felix felt safe, loved, and that he could trust somebody with his body. Someone who did not take advantage of it. Someone that makes him feel good. He had a long journey to healing. But he knew it would go much faster with Chan around....