Chapter Text
The Prime Minister of Novoselic was a man who heard what he wanted to hear. Therefore, when he heard the queen worrying that Princess Sonia was taking “the Dark Lord act” too seriously, what he heard was “lord” and “serious.”
Princess Sonia had found herself a veritable blue-blood boyfriend- erm, suitor! Either she was serious about him, or, even better, he was serious about his lordly duties.
This would be a tremendous boost for the royal family’s image. Novoselic had a long tradition of only the most boring of royals, with not so much as an alcoholic in sight, and the Prime Minister did not intend to let that end on his watch. The princess’ eccentricities were easy enough to explain away was she was young- many kids go through a horror movie phase, no? But now that she was nearly grown and no less obsessed with the macabre it was getting more troublesome. Sure, she put on a polite mask (he had been a witness to her learning of that particular talent), but it did not stop the rumors.
The Prime Minister told his chief of staff to be sure an invitation was extended to the boy for a summer visit at the end of the term. He quickly shut down the younger man’s protests. Sure, teenage crushes seldom lasted, but even a proper summer “fling” with the right sort of gentleman would do wonders towards making the princess seem like a normal girl. And after all, this lord was also student at the same prestigious academy as the princess. What could go wrong?
The Prime Minister promptly forgot about the situation for several months. He had a country to run and a parliament to antagonize after all. Then one morning he saw “audience with the princess” on his itinerary. She wanted to thank him, his chief of staff explained with a smirk, for his idea. Very well, then.
Again, he pushed it from his mind until he entered the reception room that afternoon. He was greeted by the ever enthusiastic Princess Sonia, looking particularly happy. Her schooling must have been doing her good. But next to her was someone he could not even begin to describe. Was this what his grandchildren called a hipster? Or maybe a goth? Was there a word for dressing like a vampire? Whatever the term, their guest was unlike any lord he had ever seen.
The… boy was watching him over top of a scarf it was much too warm to be wearing. A bandaged arm emerged from his flamboyant black coat to form a two-fingered gesture whilst he held his other hand in front of his face. Something came out of his mouth. It almost sounded like words. However, the small furry heads popping out of the scarf were definitely hamsters. Wonderful. Not a lord. A nutcase with a tattoo on his face.
Princess Sonia proudly explained that Gundham Tanaka (what kind of name was that?) had been practicing Novoselic. The Prime Minister fought back the urge to say “not well” and let her go on thanking him for convincing her parents to let her invite a friend to visit. All the while the little rats grew bolder, climbing out onto the shoulders of the frighteningly stoic boy.
The Prime Minster mumbled a few polite responses and took his leave with a bow as soon as he could. Princess Sonia and the boy began talking to the damned hamsters. He was about to tell his chief of staff not to let them be seen in public together, but the look he received told him he was going to be on his own for this one.
It seemed every other day his briefings included some absurdity undertaken by Princess Sonia and Mr. Tanaka. The Prime Minister supposed it was his chief of staff’s way of saying “I told you so” (or maybe revenge for the incident in Vienna) and he certainly was not going to break first and complain.
It was mostly trivial, if inconvenient matters. The princess and the pauper clapped a little too enthusiastically for the witches (and the murders) during the premier of Macbeth at the Royal Opera. The Minister of Culture fainted dead away when surprised by one of the boy’s confounded hamsters. All of the princesses’ bodyguards kept asking to be reassigned.
The visit to the national zoo and botanic gardens had gone off the rails when Mr. Tanaka declared he needed to discover what infernal potion was “poisoning the earth beneath his feet”. Since this type of tomfoolery was only encouraged by Princess Sonia, the pair had enthusiastically gone off on a “quest”. Wandering through the zoo’s service corridors and looking through trash piles did not exactly make for the best publicity photos. In the end, they concluded the fertilizer on the zoo’s grass was toxic to some sort of ugly, obnoxious bird.
The zoo was ordering a new fertilizer and he owed the Interior Minister a favor.
The Prime Minister next passed Princess Sonia and the boy after paying an evening visit to the king, who for his part, seemed unconcerned with the unusual houseguest. The two teenagers were arguing- discussing, really, there was no malice in the tone, who should walk who to their room for the night. At least, that’s what the Prime Minister deduced since he could only understand the princess’ half of the conversation.
He gave a bow as he passed. The princess flashed him a greeting before they both continued what they were doing. He noticed how her expression automatically changed to polite detachment when she faced him.
She was making the case that the boy was a guest and should be treated with honor. He could only guess that the boy was protesting- quite rightly- that it would be rude to leave the princess on her own. He did not think it was some kind of flirtation. They seemed genuinely confounded what should have been a very simple matter. What on earth was wrong with them? He swore the blasted hamsters were hissing at him as he left.
The teenagers then went off for a visit to the mountains, which were mercifully about as far away from the capital as one could get and still be in Novoselic.
It was not far enough.
Of course the boy was some kind of animal whisperer. Golden bloody makangos had “flocked” to their picnic site, showing little of their usual fear of humans.
The press had a field day. His chief of staff was even sneaking tabloids into his papers so he could not escape the matter. No, “Prince Gundham” did not sound “hella catchy”.
Someone had told the Prime Minister the princess would be at the festival on the same day he was going to make an appearance. He simply had not heard it.
So when he did hear a now all-too-familiar voice asking the “Queen of Darkness” if she wanted any refreshments while he waited to give a short speech, he was unpleasantly surprised.
He would have to have a talk with them about the inappropriate nicknames. At least the boy’s language skills were improving.
The Prime Minister made appropriate remarks about the patriotic origins of the celebration. In the space of those few minutes, the wayward pair attracted a crowd of children for some kind of hamster-centered circus. Princess Sonia cheerfully translated while the boy barked commands at the little furballs. She was nearly bouncing on her heels. The surrounding children clapped appreciatively as the tiny nuisances executed a four-hamster-tower. Their parents laughed in the background, commenting on how the two human performers were so good with kids. Princess Sonia and the boy struck an ostentatious pose, arms extended flamboyantly. The kids cheered.
The Prime Minister grumbled to himself, but adjusted his tie and approached the improvised ring. If no one else was going to take action he would have to do so himself. He bowed to the princess.
“Your excellency! Have you come to see the Devas?” Princess Sonia clapped her hands together. She seemed to be indicating the hamsters on her shoulders.
He continued with his planned script, “May I have a word, your highness?”
“Of course, sir,” she tilted her head. Over her shoulder, she said something to the boy in Japanese. Another ominous sounding command from the boy and the hamsters turned to the audience and bowed. Unbelievable.
“Thank you for joining us,” Sonia waved goodbye to the children as the disappointed crowd dispersed.
They walked to the edge of the festival grounds. The Prime Minister could see the boy lurking back with their security details, petting another one of his vermin.
“I mean no offense, your highness,” he began, “but it is my duty to remind you that you must always be on your best behavior for the people.”
The princess looked even more confused, “Have I done something inappropriate?” She looked especially ridiculous as she was still carrying the hamsters.
He gestured behind them, “These sideshow displays are unbecoming of royalty.”
She smiled disarmingly, “I think they are quite harmless.
We are only sharing the majesty of the Dark Devas of Destruction.”
“The what? Nevermind, that’s another point. You must make sure your friend addresses you with the correct courtesies. You can’t be heard answering to unseemly pet names.” A rustling took their attention for a moment, as they turned to see Tanaka crawling under a bush, no doubt in pursuit of another damned animal.
“I do not understand,” the princess’ mask was back on in full force. “I’m sure it was a mistake in the language, but earlier he called you the Dark Queen. You must correct this imp-”
“That is a title I have earned and I will not be parted with it,” Princess Sonia put her hands on her hips, her voice now raised slightly.
The Prime Minister was taken aback, “Princess Son-”
“And I do not appreciate the term ‘pet name’.”
Before the Prime Minister could answer, the boy appeared at her side, having extricated himself from the shrubbery. They spoke again in Japanese, whilst the boy stared straight at him. What did he think he was going to do, cast a spell?
“Your excellency,” Princess Sonia resumed her polite tone, “I am sure this has all been a misunderstanding. There is nothing to discuss. Good evening,” she left no room for argument, “Gundham, we are leaving.” She stormed off in the direction of her car.
The boy stared at him a moment longer, leaning in slightly. Then, with a dramatic flip of his scarf over his shoulder, he followed the princess.
The Prime Minister sighed and complained that security had not kept the boy away, but they were incredulous that a costumed teenager with a couple of hamsters was considered a threat.
One afternoon Princess Sonia was given charge of a young prince visiting from the most annoying of the neighboring countries. The Prime Minster privately thought she deserved it- the prince was a terror and maybe she would get a dose of her own medicine. He even imagined it was a punishment for the incident at the festival, once her parents had heard of it.
Princess Sonia and Tanaka said they would take the little troublemaker to the gardens and “excise the demons that tormented his puny soul.” The ambassador looked worried at this turn of phrase, but he did not speak up when no one else acted like it was out of the ordinary.
Princess Sonia took the prince by the hand and asked him if knew how wards and recitations worked. The child looked up at her. He stopped his squirming. Tanaka offered him a hamster to pet, which he did with careful guidance from Princess Sonia.
The Prime Minister should have been pleased when the princling was delivered back to the ambassador no worse for the wear (and carrying a gaudy stuffed hamster). That Princess Sonia found he was “just a little different” and only “needed someone like Gundham to listen to him.” In fact, his behavior seemed to improve afterwards. But the Prime Minister was just further annoyed. The ambassador sent a package of freeze-dried mystery meats as thanks.
The Prime Minister had made sure the pair were thoroughly briefed before the state dinner. Their Majesties were insistent that Princess Sonia was old enough to be attending such events, and this one was important. In his opinion, the king and queen had grown far two permissive of this clearly insane child and his heard of rodents for the sake of their only daughter’s happiness. Of course the boy showed them the appropriate amount of respect, though the Prime Minister suspected that was because they were Princess Sonia’s parents rather than their royal status.
He had his doubts that the heir and her date- escort- would be able to appear normal; non-disruptive and no strange poses was all he could hope for.
But when he saw the pair he was not overcome by his usual sense of disdain.
The boy- Mr. Tanaka- was dressed impeccably in a standard suit, save for the ever-present scarf still hanging around his neck. He looked nervous. The princess, of course, knew how to present herself. Rather it was her face, devoid of the china-doll smile she had worn all her life, which struck him. They were arm-in-arm. He realized he had never seen them touch before. Tanaka carefully pulled out a chair for Princess Sonia.
Something in the back of the Prime Minister’s cold, dead heart melted, just a little. He saw simply a boy, terrified to ruin things for the girl he was clearly smitten with, and a girl so grateful for a friend who understood her she was unable to imagine it could be more. He almost did not see the hamster poking out of Tanaka’s breast pocket. Almost.