Work Text:
Everybody Lies.
Wilson has started to accept this more and more. He used to think that House was wrong, at least until he noticed that his reason for that conclusion were the lies he told himself.
He used to think that helping others was helping him but it never stops to hurt. If he is helping them, why can’t they do the same? He’s not helping them because he wants their help, obviously. Still it hurts.
At least it used to be that way. Now he is slowly dying and next to him lies a man; dead for two months. Weekly, friends and colleagues call him and ask how he’s been since House's death and weekly he lies to them with tears in his eyes. They ask about his trip, how his last months are going and he tells them about mountains and small hotels lost in the middle of nowhere. They ask about his pain and he can hear worry in their voice and he can’t stand it.
What he doesn’t talk about, is the insufferable man who won’t wash the dishes, that guy who always says the worst thing possible and still makes him laugh. He, who always complains about his waking up routine, saying that he doesn’t need it because they don’t work. He, who always secretly takes food from his plate after he finished his own and he, who still won’t confess that he likes Wilson’s food.
Two months they’ve been travelling through nowhere, since everywhere where people are, someone might look at House and see the dead Doctor. He at first thought that this would make him mad, but it has been surprisingly good and kind of normal. They watch TV together, drink alcohol and the pain that hunts them both is hidden behind the horizon, back in the hospital they come from. If Wilson thinks about paradise then this comes to his mind.
He knows that sooner or later he will leave and he knows that House too won’t make it long, but at the moment that doesn’t matter. This is all he needs, he can forget the bottle of pills in his trousers and he can forget the knowledge that House owns one too, at least until his next phone call. Why would he think of suicide when he can laugh at a grown man watching a medically inaccurate show and screaming at the TV instead.
Maybe the others weren’t wrong, time and time again House and he were called Husbands, on this trip too he’s heard it thrice already and the last time they just went along. Maybe they really are together, they live together, sleep in the same bed and House died for him, gave up his life, everything that mattered to him. He gave away everything for him. Do friends do that?
He used to take extra hours and work longer anyway, because he couldn't finish his work in time. He lost friends and wives because of this, but still it was important to him to stand in front of House`s door and to wait for him.
Every time he had something on his mind to that door or into whatever room House was in at that time. He knew that he would never have the chance to talk about his thoughts, he knew beforehand that if he started talking, House would storm out of the room halfway through, because obviously Wilson gave him the solution to whatever he was thinking about.
Still, he became a doctor to help people and he could help House. People tend to become hard to handle, when they aren't sick anymore, he never knows what to do and House is always sick. Now saying that he likes that House seems unfixable, from personality to every action or habit, might not be noble or good in any way, but their relationship has never really been good for any of them.
His constant need for House to be happy has stopped others from helping him. Without him House might have stopped taking Vicodin much earlier, because he wouldn’t have had someone giving him prescriptions, or a name to write fake prescriptions under. Wilson should have helped House much more than he did, instead he spent many nights learning the way House wrote his name and slowly changed his signature.
When House drugged him the first, third and eleventh time he woke up confused, secretly laughed at it and then argued with House, trying to convince House and himself that it was awful and not funny. He shouldn’t have accepted this behaviour and the same three times, shouldn’t have smiled at the confused, betrayed and later smiling face that House made.
Wilson was supposed to be a good influence and even though he lost that title almost immediately, no one but he seemed to notice. Obviously House did, he probably knew beforeWilson himself did. Still everyone always expected him to guide House to his next patient and maybe he did help a bit, but for every good thing he teached House, there were one or two new bad things House showed him about himself.
While he managed to show House that instant and fast food weren’t worth it, he got that damn habit of getting vicodin every time he feels bad. Obviously he doesn’t take it, but when House stopped taking them, for a while, he ended up with at least 20 full bottles in his bedroom. Then when he found out that House started taking Vicodin again, he was almost happy; to get rid of them.
And when he wasn’t able to give him a bottle, he gave him food instead. Pancakes or just anything, he heard that House complimented them every time and even though he never told Wilson anything, he accepted the compliment and made more of them.
Every morning Wilson made food for work and put it on the counter to later find it gone; when they didn’t live together, he left food on his desk and waited for it to disappear. Obviously he always had two lunchboxes with him, but he wouldn’t wonder if House never noticed. If he did, then they never talked about it.
So now as he’s waiting to fall asleep or maybe to never wake up again, he thinks about if it would be selfish to ask the other out. They wouldn’t need to change anything, just writing “date” on it would be enough. Technically they are already dating and if they die together, then it should be official.
He’s thought about people’s reactions when they see House’s body next to his. Would they realize the lies he told them? Do they expect it already or will it be shocking? Does anyone know? House wouldn’t tell him and he decided that asking might ruin this journey. Especially since this time the end is the actual end for both of them.
House told him that he would kill himself when Wilson dies, he was mad and surprised. He thought that House chose life in that burning building, he told him that it’s stupid and that he shouldn’t throw away his life like that. House said that he had died already and that these 5 months won’t last, Wilson accepted this faster than he likes to admit.
But now it doesn’t matter anyway, tomorrow they will leave his town and he will leave behind all his worries; at least for another month.