Chapter Text
Meredith sighed as she slipped from the on-call room, leaving a panting, still naked Derek behind. To be honest, she wasn’t even sure that he’d noticed that she’d gone. He was too busy rambling about how good that had been, Mer, you’re amazing. She really was amazing… he was the one that wasn’t. It had been two and a half months and he’d never given her an orgasm. If it wasn’t for the dinners he bought her before their sex dates, she would’ve stopped sleeping with him a long time ago. Well, that and she was scared of what he would do if she did end things with him. He was her boss, her attending, and she was just an intern.
“Still sleeping with McBad-at-fucking?” Cristina asked, making her jump as she sidled up to her.
Meredith laughed. Cristina had made her feelings about Derek, very, very clear, often coming up with new ‘Mc’ nicknames for him. “He bought me a fancy perfume yesterday.” She said, holding her wrist out for the intern to smell. It was sort of nice, jasmine and orange. It wasn’t really the scent she would normally go for, she was more of a lavender girl, but she had to admit that it was nice.
Cristina chuckled and patted her shoulder. “You’re a prostitute.”
Meredith’s jaw dropped and she elbowed her friend. “Rude!” She exclaimed, even if it was sort of true. She stopped in her tracks, turning to face Cristina with wide eyes. “He buys me thinks and I give him sex and get no orgasms or pleasure from it. Oh my god, I’m a whore.” She exclaimed, before covering her mouth when one of the nurses gave her a strange look.
“And we thought Alex was bad, with him being the syphilis Patient-X.” Cristina said with a chuckle as they started to walk again.
“What?” Meredith asked. She had not heard about Alex giving everyone syphilis. “How many people did he give syphilis to? Wait, no, how many people did he sleep with?” At least she only slept with one person.
Cristina rolled her eyes. “Only a couple. It was actually nurse Olivia that spread it.”
Meredith’s jaw dropped and she turned to Cristina with wide eyes. “That’s why I had to give George the penicillin? Because he caught Alex’s syphilis?” She asked before bursting into fits of giggles. She loved moments like this, when she could just gossip with her best friend. It made her feel like a teenager again, gossiping behind the bike shed with Sadie.
“Yeah. They both slept with her.” Cristina said with a grin.
“And you said I was the prostitute.”
Cristina shook her head. “You’re still the prostitute. Alex and George weren’t paying Olivia. Well, Alex definitely wasn’t, Bambi on the other hand.”
“Oh, hush. George wouldn’t do that.” Meredith said as they made their way to the tunnels. She hopped up onto a gurney and laid her head against the wall behind her. “I should probably get tested. God knows who else Derek is sleeping with?” She asked.
“Well, Webber’s set up a clinic if you need to get tested?”
Meredith scrunched her face up, shaking her head vigorously. “No! If Izzie sees me there do you know how fast that would spread? She has no idea I’m sleeping with someone and if she finds out it's Shepherd!” She exclaimed, feeling her heart quicken in her chest at the thought of somebody finding out. She turned to Cristina, giving her a pleading look.
Cristina rolled her eyes and climbed off the gurney. “I’ll go get a blood test.”
Meredith grinned. “Thank you, Cristina, you're the best!”
“Yeah, whatever, McDreamy’s prostitute.”
****
No syph- clean
Meredith chuckled at Cristina’s page. It was very straight to the point and so very Cristina. She tucked her pager back into the waistband of her scrubs and let out a sigh of relief. At least she didn’t have syphilis. She may be too scared to break off her arrangement with Derek, too scared of what he was going to do, if she did stop sleeping with him. But at least she didn’t have syphilis. She shook her head. How on Earth had she gotten herself into this position. If only she hadn’t slept with him that first night, when he’d picked her up at the bar.
She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard sobbing coming from somewhere in the corridor. She turned around, her face forming a frown, as she tried to locate where the sobbing was coming from. “Hello?” She asked, her frown deepening when the sobbing intensified from the underneath a gurney. Sighing, the blonde knelt down and looked under the gurney.
Underneath it was a little girl sobbing. From the looks of it, she couldn’t have been more than four years old. She had fiery red curly hair and dark blue eyes. Her face was shiny with tears.
“Hey, sweetheart, are you okay?” Meredith asked, holding her hand out. She wiggled her fingers and gave the toddler a gentle smile, hoping she could encourage her out from underneath the gurney.
“I want Mommy!” The girl sobbed, her face scrunched up as big wet tears rolled down her cheeks.
Meredith nodded. She understood that enough, the little girl was lost. “Alright, honey. You’ve lost your mommy. Why don’t you come out from under the gurney and we go and find mommy, yeah?” She asked, giving the girl an encouraging nod.
The girl rubbed her eyes with her fists, her lower lip wobbling as her sobbing slowed. “Mommy says… I’m not allowed to… talk to strangers.” The girl said, taking gasping breaths every few words.
“And that’s a good idea, sweetie.” Meredith said as she shifted off her knees and sat cross legged on the floor in front of the gurney. Her arm was beginning to ache as she held the sheet out of the way. “But, see these scrubs?” She pointed to her light blue scrubs and made sure to keep the smile onto her face. “They mean I’m a doctor and I help people.” She said, “So I can help you find your Mommy?”
The little girl nodded slightly and reached forward, tentatively taking her outstretched hand. “Mommy is a doctor.” She said as she crawled out from underneath the gurney.
Meredith smiled and stood up, setting the girl on her hip as she did so. “What’s your name, honey?” She asked as she wiped the girl's tears from her pale cheek.
“Ivy.”
“That’s a really pretty name! My name’s Meredith. Shall we go find your Mommy?” The blonde asked, already beginning to walk back down the corridor. “Do you know what Mommy’s name is?” She didn’t have much hope, just because she knew her mother’s name at age three, didn’t mean every child had an awful mother.
“Mommy.” Ivy said with a resolute nod and a big toothy grin. “ And my name is Ivy.” The girl reached up and poked the blonde’s cheek.
Meredith nodded and tried not to let out a loud sigh. She really had no idea how to find this girl’s mom, especially since she had no idea what her name was or where she was last seen. “Can you remember where you last saw Mommy?” She asked, stepping into the elevator, ignoring the strange look she got from the nurses.
Ivy thought about the question for a second before she shook her head, her ringlets bouncing around her face. Tears filled her blue eyes again and her lower lip wobbled. “No.” She said and her voice wavered.
Meredith really didn’t want this little girl to start crying again so she quickly shushed her. “Okay, that’s okay, Ivy.” She said, patting the girl’s redhair gently. “We’ll go on an adventure to find her.” She bounced the girl on her hip slightly as they stepped out of the elevator.
“I like adventures.” Ivy said with a small smile as she rubbed her eyes with her fists. She looked around the hospital with wide eyes, staring at every room and nurse they passed.
Halfway through their search, it occurred to Meredith that she could just get a nurse to make an announcement over the tannoy. That would mean she could get back to work, even if that work was scut. But she had grown slightly fond of the little girl in her arms, and she wanted to make sure she found her Mom.
After they’d searched the entirety of the cardiothoracic wing on the first floor, tears welled in Ivy’s eyes again. “Where’s Mommy?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart.” Meredith said.
“I miss Mommy.”
Meredith’s heart broke at the heartbreak in the little girl’s voice. “I know you do, Ivy. But, remember, we’re on an adventure. And when we find Mommy, you’re going to tell her all about how brave you were as you travelled through a big maze.” She said, trying to cheer the girl up.
Ivy looked at her with bright eyes, rubbing the tears off her cheeks. “Mommy tells me stories about adventures. And princesses! I like princesses! Mommy says I’m a princess!”
“Yeah?” Meredith asked, infusing excitement into her voice. “What’s your favourite princess story?” She asked, not expecting the girl to launch into a story about dragons and an evil queen and a sleeping princess. She smiled at the excitement in her girl’s voice as she spoke. They’d made it through three stories, stories she recognised as Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and the one about the mermaid princess, she couldn’t remember what her name was. But she was Ivy’s favourite Princess because apparently she looked like her Mommy.
Ivy had just started telling her a fourth story, one about kidnapping, step mothers, tall towers and even longer hair when she stopped. Her blue eyes went wide and she squealed. “Daddy!”
Meredith set the girl down as Ivy wriggled in her arms. She kept her eyes on the little girl, following where she ran. Her eyes widened when Ivy wrapped her little arms around Derek’s legs, clinging to him.
“Ivy.” He snapped, bending down and trying to shove the little girl away from him.
Ivy didn’t budge. She held on tighter, her fingers clutching the legs of his jeans. “No! Daddy!” She wailed as he finally managed to dislodge her and she fell on her butt.
Meredith never thought of herself as a particularly maternal person, but the sobs coming from the little girl made her want to go full on mama bear, especially since she’d spent the better part of an hour trying to find the girl’s mom. She glared at Derek before dropping to her knees to check over the little girl. “Hey, Ivy, honey.” She said, wiping some of Ivy's tears. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
Ivy just continued to wail, tears running down her face. She looked up at her, tears shining in her red-rimmed eyes, and flung herself into Meredith’s arms.
Meredith tried to keep the rage from her face as she stroked the girl's red hair, softly rocking them both from side to side. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” Behind her, she could feel the anger rolling off of Derek, but she didn’t care. He’d just pushed a child away from him, a child she was pretty sure had called him Daddy. Surely, surely he hadn’t pushed his daughter off his legs. She knew he wasn’t the nicest person, he was mostly a jerk when at work, never cared about her own pleasure or happiness, but she thought he would be nicer to his own daughter. “You have a daughter?” Meredith asked, turning to look at Derek with fire blazing in her blue eyes.
“Yes, he does.” A woman’s voice cut through the tense bubble the three of them had found themselves in.
Meredith turned to the woman, her eyes going wide when she saw her. The woman was stunning. “Wow.” She muttered, not realising the word had come out of her mouth until the woman smirked.
The woman was beautiful. With a capital B. She had perfectly curled, fiery red hair. Her eyes were the most piercing shade of green. She wore a black pencil skirt and blouse, accentuated by her long legs. “And he has a wife.”
Meredith whipped her head around, her eyes as wide as saucers. “You have a wife?” She snapped, feeling disgusted with herself. Only this morning she’d slept with Derek and this afternoon she’d spent time with his daughter, trying to find her mother. Oh God, how could she have done this?
“Mommy!” Ivy shouted, her tears stopping instantly when she spotted her mother. “Mommy!” She struggled out of Meredith’s arms and ran a couple of steps before the redhead swept her up into her arms. “I’m sorry I runned away, Mommy. I got bored and then I couldn’t find you. But Meri helped me!” She rambled, pointing down at where Meredith was still squatting on the floor.
“Oh, that was very kind of Meri.” The woman said, her piercing green eyes staring down at Meredith.
Meredith let out a deep breath as she stood up, facing the woman. She knew there was no way the woman would confront her here, not when her daughter was in her arms. But she knew it was going to happen soon. She felt Derek’s hand on her waist and she slapped it away before spinning around, narrowing her eyes at her ex-fuck buddy. “You didn’t tell me you were married.”
“Separated.”
“Not officially.”
“Oh my God!” Meredith exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “I can’t believe you! And you have a kid! A kid that you pushed off you. What kind of person are you?” Her voice was getting louder and louder, but she didn’t care, she wanted everyone to know. Tears of frustration bubbled up in her eyes and she couldn’t stop the nausea when he reached forward, would-be-McDreamy eyes shining. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his wife walk over to the large windows, pointing things out to Ivy.
“Meredith, they don’t matter. I was going to serve her the divorce papers and then we could be together.” Derek said, reaching forward to cup her cheek.
Meredith shook her head and smacked his hand away, taking a step back. “Even if you were divorced, I wouldn’t want to be together! I was just using you for sex.” She hissed, wanting to hurt him the same way he had hurt her. She took some delight in the way pain flashed in his eyes before his carefully constructed McDreamy façade reappeared.
“Meredith, don’t say things like that. You shouldn’t lie, it’s not proper.” He said and Meredith
gagged. Who on Earth did he think he was? If anything, he was the one that wasn’t being proper. He had a secret wife. He had a secret child. He was the one in the wrong. He was the one that wasn’t proper.
“Oh so now you care about etiquette? What is this, the 1830’s? Jesus, Derek! You cheated on your wife! You pushed your daughter over and you think I care about what’s proper?” Meredith asked, starting to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Seriously, how had she found herself in this position?
“Meredith.” He reached for her and she snapped.
“Don’t touch me!” She shouted, stepping back. “Don’t come near me again.” She snarled before turning on her heel and leaving the hospital. She ran out into the pouring rain. She turned a sharp left before she threw up. She placed a hand on her stomach as she emptied its contents. Once she was finished, she wiped her mouth and staggered over to her jeep. She was thoroughly soaked through, her hair dripping and her mascara running, before she realised she was still in her scrubs. She couldn’t turn around, she couldn’t go back into the hospital, where Derek was, with his perfect looking wife and his daughter. She couldn’t go back into the hospital where she was the woman that had ruined a marriage, not when she looked like this. She couldn’t walk past his perfect, put together wife, when she looked like a drowned mole rat.
She kicked the tire of her jeep, hissing at the pain as it shot up her foot. And she wasn’t going to walk into Joe’s looking like this either. Truthfully, the only thing she felt like doing was screaming. But even that would be embarrassing, especially since she could see Derek and his wife and Ivy through the lobby windows. They looked like the perfect family. And even if she did have feelings for Derek, which she definitely didn’t, she knew she didn’t compare.
“Mer?” George’s voice made her jump and then suddenly the rain was no longer pounding down on top of her.
Meredith turned to him, tears slipping down her face. “Do you have my car keys?” She asked, completely defeated.
George nodded and fished into his pockets, dangling the car keys from his fingers. “Are you okay?”
Meredith shook her head. “I just want to go home. Are you off?” She asked, daring another glance back into the hospital. It looked like Derek was shouting at his wife, if the way Ivy’s hands over her ears were anything to go by. She felt awful, not just for herself, but for Addison and Ivy, the innocent parties in this whole operation.
“I’ll drive you home.” George said as he moved around to the driver’s side.
Meredith hummed her thanks and climbed into her jeep. She squelched, her scrubs drenched, as she sat down, and if that didn’t make her feel any more humiliated. She sighed, ignoring the questions George shot at her, and closed her eyes. She leant against the car window, thinking about everything that had just happened.
She had destoryed a family, slept with a married man for the better part of two months. She had promised herself that she would never break up a marriage, not like the way her father had. But she had. And there had been a child, a sweet little girl, who had lost her Daddy because of her. She’d been having orgasm-less sex with a married man? She’d destoryed a family for no good reason?
She groaned silently, tears burning behind her eyelids as she realised just how disgusting she was. She buried her head in her hands, trying her hardest not to cry in front of George. He didn’t even know she’d been fucking Derek, how was she going to explain the absolute mess she’d made? And God, what a mess it was.