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It was just one little sentence.
One sentence to throw off John’s entire game for the rest of the week.
The entire team had gathered in the common room for movie night, and spent the entire movie talking, much to Bucky and John’s agony. John was trying to pay as much attention to the movie as possible, but snippets of Yelena, Ava and Bob’s conversation would reach his ears. The three were talking about ex partners, minus Ava who’d never really had one. Yelena’s complaints about past flings going poorly went in one ear and out the other, but his ears perked up whenever Bob mentioned a past romance. John didn’t know why, but he never imagined Bob dating. It wasn’t like he wasn’t handsome, but the idea of his arms around a girl didn’t feel right to John.
Of course, that was before he heard-
“My ex boyfriend wasn’t so bad.”
All hope of paying attention to the movie was gone. Bob saying the word ‘boyfriend’ seemed to play over and over again in his head. He glanced around to the other members of the group, who had no reaction and continued with the conversation. It seemed like he was the only person who wasn’t aware of Bob’s… situation.
“Oooh, do you have a picture?” Ava asked, leaning over Bob’s shoulder to look at his phone. Bob rolled his eyes and scrolled through his phone for a moment to show the girls. John happened to lean back in his chair enough to get a glimpse. The photo was clearly taken on a shitty old camera, showing Bob and another guy his age in a dirty alley. This was clearly at the height of his meth-addicted days. Bob looked much skinnier than he was now, with dark circles under his eyes. Still, the tall red headed man in a leather jacket had his arms around him and the two laughed, making peace signs at the camera.
Yelena gasped and pointed at the phone. “He’s cute! And look at you, you’re like a baby!”
Bob chuckled and closed his phone. “Yeah that wasn’t too far out of high school.”
“Why’d you two break up?” Ava asked.
Bob’s smile fell slightly and he shrugged his shoulders. “He went to rehab… I didn’t. Left me alone in Manhattan and I haven’t heard from him since.”
It was Ava’s turn to gasp loudly and she grabbed his shoulders tight. “You could go searching for him! I bet he’s still in New York!”
John shook his head and quickly stood up, walking out of the common room without a thing to say. His heart was beating a mile a minute, and for a moment he thought he was having a random panic attack. Every fiber in his body felt like he needed to punch something. This was a common thing since he took the serum, but it never came out of nowhere like this. Bob started talking about his ex boyfriend and he felt that familiar rush of anger. Maybe it was a latent reaction from everyone talking during the movie?
As he made his way down the elevator and onto the floor with their gym equipment, he tore his t-shirt off and threw it in some corner of the room, immediately going for the punching bag. He wrapped his hands with boxing tape as his mind wandered to last Friday. John could feel the phantom sting of the bullet wound, now almost fully healed, as Bob pressed the cold rag to his chest. When Bob looked up at him with his big blue eyes, it felt like time slowed to a halt.
John threw a solid punch at the bag.
The two were only an inch away from each other, close and quiet enough for John to hear the stutter in Bob’s breathing when he quickly pulled away.
He threw a right hook, a quick jab.
Bob had a boyfriend once, which meant he liked men, which made John recontextualize every moment they’d spent alone. Bob looked at his lips. Did he want to kiss him? Did John want Bob to kiss him?
Another quick jab, an uppercut and then a left hook.
John couldn’t get the picture of Bob and his stupid high school boyfriend out of his head. The guy was handsome, and in the photo his smiling lips grazed Bob’s cheek. His hands wrapped around Bob’s waist, sneaking slightly up his t-shirt to grab at his hips.
Jab. Cross. Left Hook. Uppercut-
“Walker?”
John threw one last hard punch before leaning his sweaty forehead on the punching bag, trying to regain control of his breathing. He glanced over to the door, hoping to see Bob but groaning when he saw Ava leaning against the doorframe. “What do you want?”
Ava raised an eyebrow and strolled in. “Charming. You sort of stormed off for no reason there… It’s my turn to check in on you.”
John rolled his eyes and examined his bloody knuckles. “I don’t need anyone to check up on me, I’m a grown man. Just got tired of watching a movie if you girls are gonna talk the whole time.”
Ava scoffed and sat on one of the workout machines next to him. “Please, Alexei was snoring through the opening credits. Besides, no one wants to watch a boring World War One movie except for you and Bucky.”
John grabbed a towel and wiped his forehead. “You’re kind of shit at comforting people, y’know that?”
Ava chuckled and narrowed her eyes. “Do you need to be comforted? I thought you were just upset about the movie.” When all John did was continue to assault the punching bag, Ava stood up, crossing her arms. “This isn’t about the gay thing, is it?”
John quickly stopped and turned to glare at her. “Excuse me?”
“With Bob… I know you two aren’t exactly best friends or anything but you seemed fine until he was talking about his ex. I just feel like with you and your military history… is that kind of thing a problem for you?”
“Why does everyone always assume I have some kind of problem with that kind of stuff?”
Ava shrugs and gives him a confused look. “You just seem the type. Big macho American man and everything. I just wanted to be sure you weren’t gonna make fun of him or anything.”
John sighs and leans his back against the mirrored wall, sliding down to take a seat on the floor. “I don’t have any problem with gay people. Hell, my CO in basic training had a husband, and I’m pretty sure Bucky is head over heels for Wilson. But… Bob and I spend time together alone. We’re… close. It just changes things.”
Ava hums and leans closer, narrowing her eyes at him. “It seems like it only changes things for you. Just cause he’s gay doesn’t mean he has a crush on you or anything.”
John stared up at the ceiling, trying to find a way to avoid this topic of conversation. Apparently he was quiet for too long, because Ava’s eyes widened and she phased forward to be right in front of him. “Do you want him to have a crush on you?”
“Jesus! Warn me before you do that!” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m straight, Ava. I’ve had a girlfriend since I was sixteen and I’ve never had a problem with that. I just don’t want Bob to get the wrong idea and for him to send half of the United States into a shame room.”
Ava punched his arm. “Not nice. Look, Walker, it’s not the 18th century, you can like both. I know I do. Have you ever had a confusing friendship with another man?”
John rolled his eyes and looked back up at the ceiling. He’s had plenty of guy friends. The football team, his church’s youth group and then… Lemar. Olivia used to joke that they were the real married couple in the friend group. When you spend two tours with a guy you learn a lot about him. They’d spent their entire lives together and all in one moment it was just… gone. He loved Lemar, maybe more than he loved Olivia, but he never snuck glances at him in the showers or fantasized about him at night.
With Bob… it was completely different. From the moment they’d met it was pure heat between them. When John shoved him against the wall and saw the flash of gold in his eyes, he was frozen. But not with fear, something different. ‘Damn Bob for being so fucking wide eyed and charming’ he thought to himself. When he looked up at Ava, her expression was sad, and he realized there were tears streaking over his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away and shook his head. “I’m thirty six years old. I have a kid and I’m a fucking Avenger.” He looked her in the eye. “I can’t handle this right now.”
Ava phased to sit next to him, pulling her knees to her chest. “If you don’t handle it now there might never be a time to handle it. Take time to figure yourself out, of course. But you don’t want to end up ninety and wondering how things could have been. You’d be like… like Bucky.”
John chuckled and shook his head. “And what happens if you’re wrong?”
Ava smiled. “Then I’ll owe Yelena quite a bit of money. I’m sort of rooting for you to be bisexual.”
John raised an eyebrow and shoved her lightly. “That’s not problematic at all.”
Ava giggles and wraps an arm around John’s shoulder. “You’re not too awful to hang out with right now. Maybe I should put you through a gay crisis more often.”
“Please don’t.”
The next morning, he walked into the common room at six in the morning, dressed for his morning run. He bumped into Bob, sitting criss crossed on the counter and fully engrossed in a book. John smirked and reached for a peanut butter bar, tossing it his way and watching it hit him in the face once again. Bob quickly shot him a glare and John couldn’t help but laugh. “I watched you stop bullets in mid air and you still can’t catch a power bar. You’re gonna get it one day, Bobby.”
“Dick.” Bob muttered, unwrapping the power bar and taking a bite. “Was everything okay last night? You seemed kind of upset.”
John shrugged and filled his bottle with tap water and ice. “I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind.”
Bob chuckled and waved his hand around John. “I know, I can feel the negative aura like, radiating around you. What’s up?”
John tried to find the best way to start this conversation. “So you’re… gay, right?”. He mentally punched himself in the face.
Bob’s eyes widened before he smiled, flushing slightly. “Mhm. Sorry, I guess I kind of thought it was obvious.”
“No, it’s- it’s cool. I just didn’t know. You, um, you have a lot of boyfriends?”
Bob frowned and leaned back slightly, and John swore he saw a flash of gold in his eyes. “Are you making fun of me?”
John groaned and shut off the faucet with more force than necessary. “NO! No, no, I’m just trying to make conversation. I’ve never… known anyone…”
Bob sighed and hopped off the counter. “You can just talk to me like a normal person, Walker. If you’re genuinely curious I’ve had two boyfriends. One was Jacob, the guy I talked about last night and the other… Well, he wasn’t so great. Put me in a lot of bad spots. But I haven’t dated in… a long while.” he said, chuckling.
John held up his water bottle like a fake toast. “You and me both.”
Bob smirked and leaned forward on the counter. “Since you asked me an awkward question, I get to ask you one too. Have you only ever been with one girl?”
John raised an eyebrow and leaned forward on the counter so the two of them were face to face. “Not exactly. Had a fling with one of the girls at summer camp when I was fifteen, met Liv when I was sixteen, and then had a string of shitty hookups for a week or two after she left.”
Bob nodded slowly, like he was really taking in the information. “Do you think you’ll ever date again?”
John shrugged and locked eyes with Bob. “I don’t know.” Bob was making this whole ‘take time to figure yourself out’ thing incredibly difficult. Walker decided that he hated when Bob wore t-shirts, letting him see his toned arms on full display. He should be annoyed that Bob was able to have such a perfect physique without even trying. Even worse, the shirt he was wearing had to be a few years old because it didn’t fit him anymore. John found himself peeking at the sliver of skin between the edge of his shirt and his pajama pants.
‘Okay’ he considered ‘I might be bi’.
Bob smiled and stood up. “You’re going on a run? Mind if I join you?”
John shook his head and the two walked to the elevator. When Bob reached forward to press the button for floor number 143, his shirt rode up giving John another look at Bob’s small waist. He huffed angrily and reached forward to press every single button on the elevator.
“Walker-!”
John cut him off by grabbing his hips and shoving the smaller man against the wall as he finally kissed him. Bob squeaked, and John felt him tense up in his arms before relaxing into the kiss. “Oh my god” he whispered against John’s lips before fumbling to wrap his arms around John’s strong shoulders and letting his fingers run through his messy blonde hair. Bob stood on the tips of his toes to match John’s height.
John moaned softly and felt his mind go blank, his body working on autopilot. His fingers squeezed and scratched their way up Bob’s shirt and over his hips. The kiss was nothing like he’d expected. He thought Bob would be pliant and would melt in his arms, but he gave just as much as John, biting at his lips and tugging on his hair with an iron grip. John reached up with one hand to take a fistfull of Bob’s curly hair, wrenching his head back and making him gasp. He took the opportunity to slide his tongue between Bob’s lips, fully taking over the kiss.
When John pulled back for air, Bob’s eyes were golden. They stayed with their heads pressed together, breathing heavily into each other’s mouths when they heard the ‘ding’ of the elevator. Bob pushed him off, making him wince slightly, and the two stood up straight in an attempt to collect themselves.
The door opened to reveal Yelena with her guinea pig. She looked over at John’s sweaty and mussed up state with a look of disgust. “You just finish your run?” John nodded a bit frantically, and Yelena looked over at Bob. “And you?”
Bob’s face flushed. “Uh, I’m… about to start a run. He’s going, I’m coming. Uh- I mean… I’m… running.”
John stared at the ceiling, praying to God that Yelena would just not ask anymore questions. When he glanced at the wall he shoved Bob into, his eyes widened at a significant dent in the metal where Bob's head was. Thank god the kid was indestructible. She raised her eyebrow at the two of them and hummed. “Okay.” She stepped in the elevator and glanced at John. “Aren’t you getting off?”
John groaned and marched out of the elevator.
He guessed he wouldn’t be getting his morning run today.