Chapter Text
Master Kohga was lounging around in headquarters, eating bananas and eyeing reports from the Yiga outposts. It was all so boring. He’d been thrilled when his people had figured out how to disguise themselves as trees but alas, King Link seemed to be catching on and hardly ever got close enough. At least the man was still going for the banana traps, but it did seem like he was defeating the operatives handily and it was expensive to keep replacing eightfold blades the king had stolen. The depths “researchers” were still getting some good hits in, but since few regular citizens ever descended to the depths it wasn’t making much of a dent in King Link’s reputation as the Hero of Hyrule.
Hyrule has never had a monarch quite like King Link. Only a few months after his coronation, he declared that he shouldn’t be ruling from a castle, he should be ruling from his country, and he began travelling all over quietly taking care of things. Not everyone liked the change at first, but he was the king and what could you do? Over time, people got used to the idea that if you had a problem, there was a good chance the king would just show up and help out. Need someone to teach your class? King Link was always down to bring fun things for show and tell. Monsters spotted on the bridge? King Link would take care of them. Need to impress your girlfriend? King Link would help you find the perfect gift. The man somehow managed to be simultaneously a living legend and surprisingly approachable.
But while he was a nice king, he wasn’t entirely good at the job.
Unfortunately, while King Link’s hands-on approach was great for immediate problems, he was terrible at long-term strategic planning. He hadn’t raised taxes in over a decade and the public school system was in shambles except when he randomly showed up with classroom supplies and lesson plans. While he could always be counted to get Bolson on the job if a bridge was broken, no one did regular inspections so bridges could be fixed before someone’s horse fell into the river. (Although King Link would help you get the horse god Malanya to resurrect your drowned horse.) The Yiga clan, with their range of operatives, could have easily solved these problems with a reasonable civil service and teams working in new technologies to bring a bright future to Hyrule. They just had to get the beloved monarch out of the way.
The Yiga were well placed to run the country, but apparently they weren’t actually good at assassination. Master Kohga sighed. The Yiga couldn’t very well claim to be bringing data-driven positive governmental change to Hyrule if they ignored the fact that all the data said they sucked at getting rid of King Link. They needed a new strategy if they wanted to abolish the stupid monarchy.
“Sooga, these plans are stale and I’m bored. Bring me your new recruit with the fun ideas.”
“At once, Master Kohga.” His right hand man bowed and then took his leave. Sooga was extremely competent in combat but even he’d failed to kill the king on his last attempt. Although unlike the grunts, Sooga’s problem wasn’t a lack of strength. Their last attempt had gone sour when the King’s allies had arrived and Sooga had pointed out that killing the man in front of his friends was not going to result in the regime change they wanted, so the Yiga leaders had made some pointed statements about King Link’s suitability as a ruler then made a strategic retreat while their words sunk in.
Given how popular King Link was and how many allies he had, though, they’d decided it was time to try out some new strategies. Sooga had been interviewing the rank and file and had promised that this new kid was something special.
Sooga came back with a recruit in tow. “New recruit, please tell Master Kohga of your plans.”
A few hours later, Master Kohga said, “Okay, but I need you to also humiliate him. We need to work the character assassination angle if we’re not going with the regular assassination route. Make sure he looks incompetent and that the newspaper covers it.”
He could hear the smile in the new recruit’s voice as they replied, “I can do that.”
⋇⋆✦⋆⋇
It was a beautiful morning to watch the sunrise over Lurelin village. The waters shimmered orange in the morning light, the palm trees waving gently in the wind and the smell of the ocean breeze reaching him up on the high cliff. Over the sound of the waves, night noises gave way to daytime bird calls.
King Link had become quite fond of Lurelin since he fought off the pirates that plagued the town and helped the townspeople rebuild. He visited often to learn new recipes from Kiana at the Azure Cove restaurant, or sometimes to race around on the water for fun or open a chest or two.
When the king stepped out of the shrine to greet the morning, there was a zonai pot glowing brightly on the cliff in his favourite spot to sit. He was quite sure he hadn’t left it there, as he preferred to cook down in the village while chatting with Kiana’s family, so what was it doing here? Had someone been camping up here and forgotten it? The pots vanished after a single use, so it seemed unlikely that someone had gone to all the trouble to set it up and then just not cooked whatever they’d intended to cook. Link looked around suspiciously for evidence of monsters. Had someone been taken unawares? Was this going to be a rescue mission?
He was leaning close to the ground looking for tracks when he felt the sickle against his throat.
“Funny meeting you here, King Link.”
Link’s blood ran cold. Yiga. A Yiga who hadn’t even given themselves away by laughing.
Link held very still as he spoke, “What do you want?”
“15 crates of the best food Hateno has to offer and your pants.”
King Link suddenly found himself speechless. This was not how Yiga encounters were supposed to go. He’d expected some line about wanting the hero’s death. That’s usually what they wanted, not food. Or pants. Although the weapon at his throat seemed to imply that assassination wasn’t off the table.
The cold metal of the sickle didn’t move, but a finger trailed gently along the side of his neck. The Yiga’s glove caught against a scar on his skin and he shivered involuntarily. “Are you having trouble speaking, my king?” the voice came, dripping with sarcasm as they emphasized his title.
He tried to grab at the presumptuous hand but the Yiga leaped back and away from him, then teleported out of reach.
King Link pulled out a weapon but there was no laughter and no red light. He had no idea where the Yiga had gone. He needed to get them to speak.
“Why do you want produce?”
“You should know this, you fool,” hissed the voice. Link whirled but saw only a flash of disappearing red.
He needed to keep them talking. “How should I know this?”
“Aren’t you the saviour of Lurelin?” This time the mocking voice was behind him but he also felt the point of a weapon notched just to the right of his spine below his ribs. Probably the Yiga was right handed, but knowing that wasn’t much of an advantage with a sharp blade pushed against the soft of his back. Still, while they were keeping him from fighting they hadn’t actually made much of an effort to kill him, so maybe they actually did want to talk about food.
“I don’t see what this has to do with Hateno produce.”
The voice whispered in his ear and he felt the hairs on his arms standing up. “Lurelin lost everything to pirates. You rebuilt their homes, but they have no stores for the winter. They need preserves, hard cheese, rice. Maybe some fresh produce but mostly stuff that will keep a while, you idiot.”
Oh. That was probably true. Everyone kept going on about how he needed to think more long-term. But who would send an assassin to make him help Lurelin? He loved Lurelin. They could have just asked. Everyone there knew him.
“Why do the Yiga care?”
“Bananas.”
King Link choked on a laugh, and he felt his would-be attacker leap back and out of range, assuming Link was going to fight. This struck him as even funnier and soon he was doubled over laughing. A flicker of movement in the corner of his eye told him the Yiga had retreated to the top of a nearby tree, out of easy weapon range unless he went for a bow. But he didn’t feel like attacking any more. This encounter was too strange, and honestly now that they’d pointed out the problem, he wanted to help Lurelin prepare for winter so he was going to do that no matter what the Yiga said.
It was hard to tell with the mask, but he felt like the Yiga was judging him for laughing. They continued, “Lurelin grows some of the most delicious mighty bananas and our teams in the depths need them. In our best interests to keep Lurelin happy and prosperous.”
“Okay, okay, but why my pants?”
“They look comfy. Give them to me and deliver all the produce without pants on. Tell them the food is a gift from the Yiga.”
“In my underwear? Are you Sheikah?”
He watched as the Yiga recoiled. Even without a facial expression, he could only read that as horrified. “Are you ignorant of the history of our peoples or are you trying to be offensive?"
Link slapped his forehead. “Uh, sorry. Yeah, you guys had that big schism over the monarchy or something. Sorry. I meant… I once had to complete a lot of shrines while in my underwear so I was trying to imply you were related to the people who designed those challenges.”
“Just for that, you can give me all of your clothes. You are not permitted to wear anything until your task is complete. Disrobe now and go to Hateno.”
King Link groaned. He had kind of brought that on himself, hadn’t he? The Yiga watched him intently as he shucked off his clothes and threw them at the base of their tree. It should have been hard to tell where the Yiga was looking with the mask on, but they intentionally telegraphed giving him a slow look up and down. Link wondered briefly if they liked what they saw or were just mocking him and before he thought better of it, he asked, “Do I at least get to know your name now that you’ve seen me naked?”
The Yiga chuckled. “You may call me Zelda of the Yiga Clan.”
Again, this was not what King Link expected. “Zelda like the princess of legend?”
“Zelda like a queen who could do a better job of taking care of Hyrule than you.”
Link thought he heard a low chuckle before Zelda of the Yiga hopped down, grabbed his clothes, and disappeared in a circle of red light.
⋇⋆✦⋆⋇
The Lucky Clover Gazette published an excellent photo of King Link in Lurelin carrying a very strategically placed box of carrots. So many of the communal copies of papers at the stables went missing that Traysi had to print a special “collector’s edition” run. The tabloids delighted in publishing photos of King Link without the box of carrots alongside eyewitness accounts from the many villagers who’d gotten a royal eyeful while King Link went about his quest from Zelda of the Yiga. It was not long at all before everyone knew of the Yiga Clan’s actions.
The people of Lurelin requested that King Link deliver several crates of bananas to the Yiga base at the bottom of Meda Mountain Chasm as thanks. The Lucky Clover photographer was very disappointed to hear that King Link had been allowed to put clothes back on since his original quest was completed. But then he’d put on Zonai gear while he loaded up the crates onto some kind of flying machine, so she still got some excellent photos of him with bananas and a lot of skin showing. It was another record day for the Lucky Clover Gazette.
Master Kohga is delighted by the good press and the bananas and tells the new kid they can have whatever resources they want for the next operation.