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There aren’t any pregnancy tests left under the bathroom counter.
Beomgyu swears under his breath, rubbing his cold hands together. The heat in the apartment still hasn’t kicked on yet. It’s early, too early to be awake, but Beomgyu’s bladder had woken him and he’d slipped out of bed and stumbled his way to the bathroom in the dark without fully processing being conscious.
The sudden roadblock to his morning routine, however, jolts him awake. Taking tests regularly would be far beyond his level of paranoia, but he’s paranoid enough that he tests at least once in the weeks following his heats. Hence bulk-buying test strips, hence the routine, and the peace of mind it brings him. It’s not like he really has anything to worry about, and it’s been so long since he’s had to buy tests that it must have slipped his mind.
It’s not urgent. Urgent, however, is returning back to bed to his mate, Soobin. Beomgyu’s whole body yearns for his warmth, and he shrugs off his annoyance and quickly finishes up in the bathroom.
He creeps back into their bedroom as quietly as possible. Soobin sleeps soundly, undisturbed by Beomgyu’s disappearance, but as Beomgyu slips back under the covers, his body turns to him like a sunflower to the sky. His eyes mostly closed and heavy with sleep, he reaches for Beomgyu with one hand while his other scratches absentmindedly at the mating bite nestled along the curve of his neck. The skin there is pink and new, freshly healed from how Beomgyu had reopened the scar during his last heat.
“Gyu,” Soobin murmurs, and Beomgyu crawls on top of him, lying down with their hips pressed together and his forearms on either side of his head, effectively pinning him down. Soobin blinks rapidly, his scent instantly ripening. “Baby.”
“Hyung.” Beomgyu noses along Soobin’s mating bite, his scent glands. The physical response from his mate is immediate and intense, Soobin whimpering softly, blood pulsing to his groin. Beomgyu is embraced in familiar notes of oak and lavender, and he closes his eyes and inhales, letting his mate’s rich scent wash over him.
Even without feeling Soobin’s physical response to his arousal, he would be able to sense it from his scent, as rich and potent as it’s ever been—maybe more so now that Beomgyu gets to smell it every day, giving himself up to their mating bond, which grows stronger every year.
Soobin’s eyes are wide and clear when Beomgyu looks up at him. He sits back, grinding his clit along the length of his cock, chasing the distant pleasure of it. Soobin’s eyes roll back in his head, his hands flying to rest on Beomgyu’s hips, guiding him closer.
“You want me that badly?” Beomgyu teases him. It’s always like this between them—a bit of a game, back and forth, until Soobin lets Beomgyu push him down and take what he wants from him. “You just had me last night.”
They’d gone to sleep without putting on any clothes, as with most nights, and thus it’s even easier for Soobin to smell the slick gathering between Beomgyu’s thighs. Beomgyu can tease him for being desperate all he wants—and get away with it—but the truth is that Beomgyu is just as desperate as his mate is. After six years together, they’re tied together in every way: mind, body, and mating bond.
“Always want you,” Soobin breathes. “Please?”
Easy access. All Beomgyu has to do is edge forward a few inches and shift his hips closer to Soobin’s mouth, and then Soobin is pulling him down, leaning up with his tongue first. Beomgyu’s eyes flutter shut as Soobin’s tongue darts across his clit, teasing little licks before he latches on and sucks, squishing his tongue against the sensitive bundle of nerves.
Since their first time having sex, they’ve done this hundreds of times, and it’s just as good this time as it is any other: mind-numbing pleasure washing over Beomgyu in waves with each stroke of Soobin’s tongue, the vibrations of Soobin’s moans as he licks away the slick pouring from his entrance. Every time Beomgyu squirms, Soobin holds him tighter, latching on to Beomgyu’s hips and coaxing him closer with his tongue.
When he’s sure that Beomgyu won’t move—he can’t, his legs are like jelly, too weak to move anywhere except where Soobin puts him—he moves one hand from his hips and strokes his vulva, one finger dipping into the wetness between his legs. “Please,” Beomgyu begs, even though he doesn’t have to—he’s in control here, and Soobin would do anything he asks in an instant.
Soobin doesn’t pause to respond verbally. Instead, he slides his finger inside, meeting no resistance. Beomgyu barely feels the actual sensation so much as he does blind pleasure, each burst of it indistinct from the rest, each moment flowing into the next as Soobin’s pace increases.
Beomgyu whimpers. All of it—Soobin’s scent thick in the air, the bite of his nails on Beomgyu’s hips, and his tongue swirling against his clit bring him to his climax. He can feel his own slick practically pouring out of him as he shudders, the movement of Soobin’s tongue and lips continuing until he’s nearly begging for mercy.
With that, Beomgyu can’t hold himself up any longer. He flops down on Soobin’s chest, shivering all over; Soobin holds him close, his embrace warm and comforting, and Beomgyu lets out a happy sigh as Soobin mouths at his scent gland. It feels as though all of his energy has been drained from this alone, and he hadn’t even put in any of the work. But more than rest, his whole body aches to make Soobin feel good. He wants to feel his mate inside him—he wants a knot.
He can feel that Soobin wants the same. He can feel it through their bond, taste it in his scent, and feel the hard length of his cock against his pelvis. When Beomgyu looks up at him, Soobin is already leaning in for a kiss, his tongue instantly parting his lips. Beomgyu can taste his own slick on his tongue.
He’s tired of foreplay, though—this isn’t sleepy, drawn out morning sex, it’s as heated as either of them can muster when neither of them is really fully awake. They’re bonded together through instinct, pleasing each other through muscle memory. It’s good because it should be.
“Be a good boy and fuck me,” Beomgyu growls, giving one final nip to the plush center of Soobin’s lips. He pins Soobin down with his forearm across his chest, leaning close to speak against his ear. “You’re made to knot me, it’s what you’re good for.”
Soobin moans, obediently thrusting his cock along his wet folds. All it takes is Beomgyu angling his hips just so, and they both moan helplessly as Soobin sheaths his cock deep inside.
“Need you, need it,” Beomgyu babbles, and Soobin plants his feet and thrusts. After six years of practice, he knows the exact angle he needs to hit against to make Beomgyu gasp. “Want—want you to be good for me—”
He’s completely lost the rough edge to his voice that he knows gets Soobin going. When he rolls his hips, the friction isn’t quite right; it takes Soobin meeting him halfway to give either of them any real sort of pleasure.
“Sorry,” Beomgyu says, although he isn’t that sorry about it—it’s hot when Soobin wants it so badly. His voice breaks on the word; they’d barely started, but he can hear how winded he is in his voice. When they’d first mated, they’d had endless stamina. Perhaps the combination of familiarity and age had begun to catch up to Beomgyu. Or maybe it’s just because the sun hasn’t risen yet. “Tired.”
Soobin smiles fondly. The roll of his hips never ceases, making it difficult for Beomgyu to think. It’s okay, though—they’ve had good sex and experimental sex and are perfectly in-tune with each other. “Let me be good and take care of you?” he says. “Let me make you feel good.”
In one smooth motion, he flips them over, plunging his cock deep into Beomgyu’s cunt. “Just want you to feel good,” Soobin says cheekily. He nudges at Beomgyu’s scent gland with his nose, tracing over the ridges of his mating scar.
It’s good, always is, it’s good when it’s deep and when Soobin just barely gives him anything at all. He isn’t going to last long, Beomgyu can feel it. He might have knotted Beomgyu last night, but the soft warmth and wetness of his cunt is enough to drive Soobin to the edge quickly, and they’re both chasing it, moving together in a desperately unrefined way.
Beomgyu can’t think. He doesn’t have to. Whatever he wants, Soobin already knows to give it to him, through the bond and because he knows him so well. All he has to do is cling to Soobin’s shoulders, hold him close with a hand on the small of his back, and let Soobin hear the noises that he draws out of him with each thrust.
As he nears his release, Soobin’s breath comes in uneven gasps, the movement of his hips stuttering. He whimpers, calls Beomgyu’s name, fists his hands in his hair. Beomgyu gives him everything, all of it, and melts in his arms, into the mattress, as he feels Soobin’s knot swell.
Soobin lies there on top of Beomgyu, both of them panting as they try to catch their breath, Soobin still shuddering with pleasure and exertion. It’s the kind of well-practiced, domestic sex that they’ve had with each other countless times, and there isn’t a need for words now as they wait for Soobin’s knot to deflate, nuzzling each other’s mating bites. They can feel everything through their bond, exactly as it should be for a mated pair. Not everything about their bond had been conventional from the start, but this is as close to perfection as anything.
“That was a fun way to wake up,” Soobin says. He’s still out of breath, much to Beomgyu’s satisfaction. Outside of rut, one knot after another can be taxing, but Soobin is in prime condition for it. He’s young, he’s strong, and their bond seems to overcome most other logic in their lives.
“You’re up and ready to go for the day, hm?” Beomgyu says. Soobin wraps his arms around him, holding Beomgyu close to his chest as he turns them onto their sides. The motion is so familiar that he could do it in his sleep. “Lucky. I could fall asleep like this.”
“Aw, I’m honored,” Soobin says. Beomgyu has fallen asleep in his arms more times than he can count, but Soobin still treats him a bit like a shivering prey animal in need of shelter. He often complains that he can never stand up once Beomgyu has chosen to rest on him—it’s not Beomgyu’s fault that he’s such a good pillow. “Didn’t you go to bed early last night? Early for you, anyway.”
It’s also not Beomgyu’s fault that writing inspiration tends to hit after sunset. “I don’t remember. I was just so tired.”
Soobin pokes his nose. “You’re like a cute little bear, hibernating for the winter.”
Beomgyu wrinkles his nose up. “Then you have to hibernate with me.”
“That’s what we’re doing now. Hibernating,” Soobin says. Beomgyu rolls his eyes, but snuggles against his chest. The day has barely begun, but he likes where it’s headed.
Every December 31st for the past six years, one member of the pack has hosted a party for New Year’s. Beomgyu isn’t much of an enthusiastic partygoer, but spending time with the pack is always worth it. This is the first year he and Soobin won’t be going out, courtesy of the most recent addition to their family. Aside from the briefest visit at the hospital, they haven’t met Taehyun’s new baby yet. Beomgyu isn’t about to invite a set of new parents—rather, third time new parents—out to drink.
Although, based on Taehyun’s recent messages in their group chat, he could probably use a glass or two.
Beomgyu will miss seeing them, but he’ll also enjoy his alternative activity for the day: lazing around his apartment with Soobin, catching up on television, and breaking into the stash of expensive wine that he was gifted after his most recent book launch. If he can really rile Soobin up, this won’t be the only knot of the day—but he can’t tire him out too much before their anniversary tomorrow.
Six years. They’ve passed in a blur, though reflecting on the number makes Beomgyu feel old. Soobin has been in his life for even longer than that, for so long that Beomgyu can barely remember what life was like before they found each other. He wonders if they should be off doing something more extravagant, like their fifth anniversary vacation, or fourth anniversary new apartment lease. Not every year can be exciting.
He glances at Soobin, who suddenly looks even more ready for a nap than Beomgyu. Scenting, especially after a knot, tends to have that effect on him.
“Jagiyaaaaaaa,” Beomgyu says. He presses a kiss to Soobin’s lips, ignoring the tugging sensation as he wraps his legs more comfortably around him. “We need breakfast. We need snacks. I don’t think I bought any for tonight.”
“I’m sure we can dig something out of the cabinet,” Soobin says.
“We definitely don’t have any gummy worms. I would kill for some gummy worms right now.”
“Worms specifically? Or any gummy?”
“Worms. They’re the softest.”
“I can go out and get them,” Soobin says, “after we’re done here. And I’ll heat something up for breakfast.”
Beomgyu pokes his chest. “You make us breakfast, I make Toto breakfast. Then I go out and get my own gummy worms, but you do the laundry from yesterday.”
Soobin groans. “Can’t it wait?”
“You were the one who said we couldn’t have any dirty laundry going into the new year,” Beomgyu points out.
“I did,” Soobin admits, although he looks like he wishes he could eat those words. “Okay, I’ll do it.”
“You’re the best,” Beomgyu says. If he weren’t so tired, he would have done the laundry himself, but Soobin generally doesn’t seem to mind doing chores. Beomgyu wonders if that’s how his nesting instinct manifests: making sure his omega has a clean home.
The knot doesn’t take long to go down—or maybe that’s just how it feels to Beomgyu, who would be happy to melt into Soobin’s arms and stay there for the rest of the morning. He reluctantly slides out of Soobin’s embrace and helps him bundle up the sheets, which they don’t manage to protect before Beomgyu starts dripping.
Beomgyu pulls a shirt and pair of sweatpants on, turning on the lights as he goes. Their office space doubles as a parrot playroom, so he heads there after waddling to the bathroom again. The sun has only just risen, but Toto is pacing around his cage, rattling the bars and grumbling impatiently. The millet spray Beomgyu left him last night has been ripped to shreds, so he’s very impatient for his breakfast.
“Good morning, Toto-yah,” Beomgyu says. He unlatches the doors and Toto immediately climbs up his arm. “Good morning.”
“Toto-yah,” the bird repeats in his gravelly voice. “Toto-yah. Baby.” He finishes with a whistle.
“Yes, that’s you. Baby,” Beomgyu says. “Baby, baby.”
Toto clings from his clothing while he takes the bowls from his cage and out to the kitchen to wash. He’s not above taking a bite of the peppers and spinach Beomgyu chops up for him, before they make it in his bowl.
That makes Soobin laugh. “I didn’t even make him wait that long!” Beomgyu says, but not even the darkness of winter can discourage a demanding parrot.
He drops Toto off in his cage with fresh food, then picks up his phone. As expected, the phone only rings for a second before Taehyun answers.
“Good morning, Taehyunie,” Beomgyu chirps. “How are you?”
“Wondering what you’re doing up so early,” Taehyun says. Even over the phone, his voice is rough with sleep. Oops. Maybe his horde of pups didn’t wake him up today.
“God, I have no idea. Maybe Soobin was snoring.” From the hallway, Soobin pauses and makes a face at him. “I’d go back to bed, but I have errands to run. Anyway, are you feeling alright? The babies?”
“They’re great. I’m great. Honestly, Hajun’s been an angel compared to the other two. I think it’s because they’re around, and they make him feel safe.”
“Aww. That’s adorable.”
“But he only wants me to feed him, so it’s going to be a long time before I get proper sleep. He hates the bottle.”
“Ah. Maybe he—maybe he just prefers it fresh—?”
“I guess so. Plus he’s still so tiny, I don’t mind. It’s hard to put him down ever. I get overwhelmed because he’s touching me all day, but then I start missing him as soon as Yeonjun or Kai take over,” Taehyun says. His voice is a warm purr whenever he talks about his pups “They have to steal him from me whenever I fall asleep.”
“I don’t blame you,” Beomgyu says. “We have to come visit before he grows up too much.”
Until his packmates had their first pups, holding babies terrified Beomgyu. They were so fragile, and people expected him to love them and know what to do right away because he was an omega. The truth was that he was petrified of hurting them, and he never knew what to say, and most babies screamed as soon as he looked at them.
“I must be cursed,” he used to joke, opting to scurry to the other side of the room as soon as a baby was brought into the mix. But when Hawon was born, and Haeun after that, he fell in love. There was nothing quite like seeing them grow up, how they began to take after their parents and grow into their own people. Plus they recognized Beomgyu’s scent as a fellow pack member, so they didn’t react to him quite as strongly as other pups he’d met.
Taehyun also has plenty of stories about the horrors of parenting, but the pups are still adorable. The least Beomgyu can do for his three closest friends is make sure that they’re adjusting to life with three babies, and offer his assistance when they need it.
“He looked so big until I saw him next to Hawon and Haeun,” Taehyun says. “And now I can’t stop thinking about what they were like when they were as tiny as him.”
“It feels like yesterday, doesn’t it?”
“You’re telling me. Is Soobin around? You two should come by before the holiday’s over. You’re welcome anytime.”
Beomgyu walks back to the kitchen, where he finds Soobin piling dishes in the cabinet. “Soobin-ah, can we go visit Taehyun and the others?”
Soobin’s face brightens. “When?”
“He asked when,” Beomgyu reports.
“Once you’re done celebrating your anniversary,” Taehyun says, which Beomgyu relays. “We’ve missed you a lot, but… you know how it is. I’m the only one who remembers what day of the week it is.”
“But you’re the one who pushed a baby out two weeks ago.”
“Hm. That’s true.”
“You really are something, Taehyun-ah.”
Taehyun laughs. “Honestly, it gets easier once there are more of them. We already have our schedule down. Plus I know Kai will be ready to take over when I go back to work.”
“Is Kai okay with us visiting? Or is he still in nesting mode?”
“Don’t worry, he’ll be on his best behavior. Besides, Hawon will keep him busy. He’s her favorite.”
“Is Tuesday good, then? Soobin and I can bring dinner. Oh, and a treat. You definitely deserve a treat.”
Taehyun makes a wistful, whimpering noise. “A treat. That’s why you’re my favorite hyung.”
Beomgyu purrs. “You need someone looking after you, too. Not just the pups.”
“You’re the only people I want looking after the pups. You wouldn’t believe how annoying my parents are.”
“Uh oh. Should I ask?”
“They aren’t nearly as polite as you when they ask to visit, so I keep telling them that we’re still nesting,” Taehyun says. “I know they’re just trying to be nice, but outdated parenting advice from thirty years ago isn’t much help.”
“That’s fair. It’s not helpful anymore if they’re being overbearing.”
“I think they’ve just forgotten what it’s like, because they would’ve hated someone trying to give them advice. You know how that generation is.”
“I can only imagine what my parents would be like if I had pups,” Beomgyu says. The thought makes him cringe even harder than usual, so he brushes it aside. “What about Yeonjun’s? And Kai’s?”
“They’re alpha and omega. They don’t even ask,” Taehyun says. “Kai’s eomma would kill us if she knew we were letting anyone else visit so early, but that’s just the kind of pack we have. By the way, Yeonjun-hyung won’t stop staring at me. I think he wants a turn on the phone.”
“Hand him over,” Beomgyu says.
Yeonjun and Kai both take a turn on the phone before Taehyun says good-bye. Soobin joins in, too, wishing them well and requesting more pictures of the pup. “He’s such a cutie. I can’t wait to visit,” he says after Beomgyu hangs up. “Those three are so lucky.”
When Taehyun went into labor, Yeonjun dropped the pups off at Soobin and Beomgyu’s apartment. That arrangement had lasted two days, until Taehyun was ready to come home from the hospital. If Beomgyu thought he was enamored by the pups, it was nothing compared to Soobin—the alpha seemed to have boundless energy as he played with them and read to them, and he didn’t complain when they nipped at his hands with their sharp little teeth. He’s a gentle alpha, but all of that gentleness is tripled when he has a pup in his arms.
It’s adorable. Beomgyu suddenly understands why so many of his omega peers would swoon whenever they saw their own alphas with pups.
“I just can’t believe Taehyun named him Hajun,” Beomgyu says, joining Soobin at the table. He’s avoided saying it aloud for exactly this reason: his throat instantly forms a lump, and he blinks a few times to battle the warmth in his eyes. “That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I guess that’s why he was so secretive about the name this time,” Soobin says. He squints at Beomgyu. “Are you…?”
“And you’re not?” Beomgyu gives him a playful kick under the table. “What if I had a baby, and I named it after you? How would that make you feel?”
Soobin blinks. “I’d want it named after you, so probably confused.”
“Okay. Not an accurate comparison. What if we had another omega and—”
Soobin growls playfully. “There is no other omega, so it doesn’t matter. But Hajun’s cute. Really cute. I bet you’ll cry again when you hold him.”
Beomgyu scoffs, but it’s true. Every picture that Kai sends makes him choked up, and he hasn’t exactly been trying to hide that from Soobin.
They eat breakfast together, then set about their respective tasks. Beomgyu bundles up in warm clothing and asks Soobin for shopping requests—gummies, a razor, batteries, “anything carbonated.” He’s about to head out when Soobin catches up to him, wrapping his arms around him and pressing their foreheads together.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go out instead?” Soobin asks. “Or… I could come with you?”
The idea of leaving the house right now isn’t very appealing, even with the allure of a treat. Maybe it would be better if Soobin were with him. “It’s alright. One of us needs to do the laundry,” Beomgyu says.
Soobin kisses his lips, then his scent gland. Beomgyu automatically tilts his chin up so that Soobin has access to his mating bite, where he presses small, careful nips. They don’t hurt at all; they only make Beomgyu long for the warmth of their bed even more. Is there a better feeling in the world than being scented?
“You smell so nice,” Soobin says. He kisses along Beomgyu’s neck, tracing a path from his ear to his collarbones. It reminds him of when Toto preens his hair.
“I always smell nice, don’t I?” Beomgyu says.
“Yes, but you smell extra nice today.” Soobin presses his nose harder against Beomgyu’s neck. “I wish I could wear it. Like a perfume.”
“Then you’d get bored of me, and that would be sad,” Beomgyu says. Tingles run down his spine in response to Soobin’s touch. If he doesn’t step away soon, he might never leave Soobin’s arms. “Wouldn’t you rather wait to scent me?”
“I never want to stop scenting you to begin with,” Soobin says. “Let’s quit our jobs. Run away together.”
“I’ll be fast. Then you can go back to scenting me,” Beomgyu promises. He pulls away—not before leaving a kiss on Soobin’s nose—even though his brain screams at him to accept Soobin’s proposal.
Soobin whines. Beomgyu gives him another kiss, adding one more item to the shopping list in his head.
Beomgyu’s pregnancy test ritual began two years ago.
After Haeun is born in the dead of summer, Soobin and Beomgyu linger in the hospital parking lot for an hour. They send messages to their other friends to let them know that Yeonjun and the baby are doing well, and try to find a nearby restaurant that offers takeout at eleven P.M. Beomgyu isn’t even hungry, but he’s too high on adrenaline to sleep.
Plus, it feels wrong to stray too far when one of their packmates has just given birth. Yeonjun labored for nearly a day, twenty hours full of stress and agony. The birth wasn’t without complications, either, and although both Yeonjun and his new baby are healthy, Beomgyu had been terrified. All he and Soobin could do was offer their packmates a shoulder to lean on when their pain became too heavy to carry on their own.
Soobin is the one to break the silence. “Beomgyu-yah, do you want me to get a vasectomy?”
“What?” A vasectomy? Has he ever talked about getting one before? Beomgyu turns to him in the driver’s seat, meeting his tired eyes. “Where’s this coming from?”
“Everything today. It was hard to watch, wasn’t it?” Soobin says. They hadn’t even been there for the worst of it—only the first few hours, where Yeonjun had sobbed in their arms and begged to scent as a form of pain relief. “I was kind of glad that we got kicked out near the end.”
“I could tell,” Beomgyu says. The color had only returned to Soobin’s face after they stepped outside.
Soobin rolls his eyes. “I’m not afraid of omega stuff, I was worried because he did a lot of screaming. I can’t imagine you going through that. I’d lose my mind.”
“Kai was losing his mind,” Beomgyu says. Whenever Kai was in the room with Yeonjun, he was the model of a perfect partner, eager to hold his hand and whisper encouragement and tend to his every need. When he took breaks to fetch Yeonjun snacks, or to use the bathroom, or to update Soobin and Beomgyu, he fell apart. He practically wore a path in the hospital hallway with all of his pacing.
“And he’s already been through this before,” Soobin says.
“At least he didn’t have to do the hard work,” Beomgyu says.
“Poor Yeonjun-hyung,” Soobin says.
“Giving birth isn’t the scariest part of having pups,” Beomgyu says. “Not that it sounds fun. Fuck, no. It’s scary as hell. But if we really wanted kids…”
Yeonjun had been afraid of giving birth, too. It had taken years of preparing himself, years of therapy, before he was ready to go off of his birth control. And he had wanted pups all his life, more than anyone else Beomgyu knows. If Yeonjun could overcome his fear, Beomgyu certainly can.
Giving birth is a one-time event, though. There are hundreds of other trials that he would have to consider if pups are on his radar.
“We’re getting older. If we don’t want to have pups, I should just get the vasectomy, and then we’ll never have to worry about it again,” Soobin says simply.
Beomgyu’s heart tugs. The first time they discussed having children after they mated, they had chosen to take precautions, since neither of them were keen on the idea. Their relationship was new, and they had just settled into their careers.
But now… Beomgyu’s books are working their way up the bestseller list, and Soobin’s position as editor is rising in their company. They’re happily mated. They’re happy. Having pups was out of the question before, but things are different today.
“We’re not that old. I could probably get pregnant for another twenty years. That’s two-thirds of my life,” Beomgyu complains.
Soobin shivers. “Imagine having to chase a pup around when we’re fifty.”
Fair point. “Do you never want to have pups, or are you asking about a vasectomy because you’re worried about me being pregnant?”
“Mostly I’m worried about you,” Soobin admits. “I… I think I could go either way. I’m happy with how things are, but you’re the only person I’ve ever considered having a family with, so…”
Beomgyu squirms. He chose Soobin because he’s a good partner, but he would be a good father, wouldn’t he? Isn’t it nice to entertain that fantasy for a second, even if it doesn’t come true?
“I feel the same way,” Beomgyu says. “I guess it’s silly to think I’d turn into my parents if we had a kid.”
“You have cool parents. It’s becoming my parents that we’d have to worry about,” Soobin says.
“But we wouldn’t,” Beomgyu says.
“No.”
The silence lapses between them again. Beomgyu breathes in deeply, seeking out Soobin’s scent, but it’s covered by the hospital-mandatory scent patches.
“I don’t think you should get the vasectomy,” he says. “It’s better if we keep our options open, like we have been.”
“I agree. That feels right for now,” Soobin says.
Beomgyu leans in to kiss him, cupping his face in his hands. When he pulls back, Soobin gives him a smile. “That settles it. No need to rush.”
Two years ago, Beomgyu asked his doctor to try a lighter brand of suppressants, the kind that he only had to take before his heat instead of every day. After his next heat, he bought tests out of curiosity—it came back negative, bringing relief but also a flicker of longing. Maybe he’d quit the suppressants altogether someday, but he was content with their decision.
Thank god for self-checkout, Beomgyu thinks.
He picks out three bags of gummy worms, one of every color on the shelves. They’re probably all the same flavor, but he doesn’t care. Then he gathers snacks and drinks for the night, and heads to the electronics section for batteries. Finally, personal care for Soobin’s razor.
Pregnancy tests are in the next aisle over. He’s bought them countless times, but he’s still uneasy as he scans the shelves. Early detection, fast response, 99% accuracy for all subsexes, recommended by doctors… When was my last heat? Five weeks ago? Six? It probably doesn’t matter.
He grabs one of his usual brand and drops it in his basket. I’m wasting my money. When I get home, Soobin’s going to tell me that I shouldn’t bother taking tests, because there’s no point in making myself paranoid. And soon enough, I’ll probably be too old to get pregnant anyway… No more heats, no more tests… Taehyun says pregnancies are considered geriatric at thirty-five, and I’m almost there.
Beomgyu hauls himself to the register and pays for the items. As he begins the drive home, he turns the morning over in his mind, dissecting it, pausing on each moment that wasn’t quite normal. How many similar moments have there been since his heat? The week afterwards, when he begged Soobin to stay home with him, feeling as though he was suffocating whenever they parted. Visiting Taehyun in the hospital and nearly fainting from the overpowering sterile scents. Falling asleep while he wrote, his usual meals not sitting right in his stomach…
As soon as he parks, he takes his phone out and types in Naver. Early pregnancy symptoms.
Nausea and vomiting, often in the morning. From any scent that’s not Soobin’s. Fatigue. All the time. It’s insufferable. Food cravings. Did I really want the gummy worms that badly? Breast tenderness. Don’t have those. Yet? Back pain. Indigestion. Breathlessness. Dehydration. He could make a case for half of them, but there could be plenty of other causes.
Is it that hard to believe? There’s a reason you bought the test… a reason you’re sitting here, doing research, instead of going in to see Soobin…
Was he being sweet, or is that why he was so distracted by my scent?
Beomgyu shakes himself off, tucks the bag under his arm, and heads inside. Don’t even think about it until you’ve taken that test.
He walks up the stairs, and instantly regrets it when his legs begin to ache and his lungs begin to burn. Thirty-two and stairs are already a problem. What will forty-two bring? he wonders, ignoring the fact that the problem didn’t begin with his last birthday. Taehyun’s right. Geriatric already.
He’s halfway through unlocking the door when it swings open for him. Soobin beams at him, welcoming him in with open arms.
“Were you just waiting at the door for me? Like an obedient little puppy?” Beomgyu teases, letting Soobin hug him before setting off for the kitchen.
“I did the laundry,” Soobin complains. “Then I came back when I heard you. You took a long time.”
I guess I spent too long in the pregnancy rabbit hole. “Sorry, sorry. But I got a lot of snacks.” Beomgyu nearly hands Soobin the bag, remembers what’s inside of it, and opts for putting it on the table instead. He takes the gummies—strategically placed on top—and gives them to Soobin. “Look. Variety pack.”
“I think that’ll satisfy the craving,” Soobin purrs.
Beomgyu’s stomach rolls. He looks from the bags to Soobin’s face, and suddenly his emotions turn to water, impossible to contain within his hands.
“What’s the matter, jagiya?” Soobin asks. He takes Beomgyu’s hands. “Something’s wrong. I can tell from one look at you.”
“Nothing’s wrong, exactly,” Beomgyu says. “It’s just—I ran out of pregnancy tests earlier.”
Soobin tilts his head. “What do you mean? When was the last time you even took one?”
“I don’t know. Five months ago, maybe, after my heat. Do you remember when I bought a bunch at once?” Beomgyu asks. Soobin nods. “I must’ve run out after that, but then I forgot about it until today.”
“I knew about that. So you went out to buy more?” Soobin asks.
“Yeah, just because… it’s been on my mind with Hajun, and I’ve noticed a couple things that are probably totally normal, but I couldn’t ignore it…” Beomgyu shakes his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s good to be cautious,” Soobin says. “Do you just want to get it over with? Peace of mind?”
In the car, Beomgyu had imagined shoving the test under the bathroom supplies until he had the energy to deal with it next week, but he relents. “It’ll only take a minute.”
He digs the test from the bottom of his shopping bag and takes it to the bathroom. Soobin stays outside, in the living room, and Beomgyu closes the door out of habit. Don’t think about it. You’ll have your answer in a minute, he reminds himself as he opens the box. This part is familiar enough that he doesn’t have to think twice about it.
He tosses the box in the trash, sets the test on the counter, and washes his hands. Then he opens the door, peeking at Soobin.
“Done? What is it?” Soobin asks. There’s a touch of apprehension in his expression.
“Not yet. I have a timer on my phone,” Beomgyu explains. Soobin’s lips press into a line. “Aw, hyung, you look so nervous.”
Soobin rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry. Am I making you nervous? You don’t normally take these with me…”
“Silly alpha,” Beomgyu says. He quits hovering by the bathroom door and sits on the couch with Soobin instead. “A pregnancy test won’t grow teeth and bite you.”
Soobin cracks a smile. “I’d hope not. Can you imagine? A sentient baby detector?”
“I think a lot of people would like that. Not if they bite, but if they had something that could tell if they were pregnant right away,” Beomgyu says.
“Isn’t that what I’m supposed to be? I mean, alphas? Kai said he knew Taehyun was pregnant before the test,” Soboin says.
Beomgyu’s heart flips in his chest. “Soobin… have you noticed anything?”
Soobin’s eyes widen. “No, not like that. At least, I don’t think so? I would’ve told you if I thought you were pregnant.”
“It’s been long enough since my heat. I’m sure one of us would’ve noticed a big difference by now,” Beomgyu says. Soobin hums, although Beomgyu knows that look in his eyes. He’s probably rethinking the entire last month, just like Beomgyu did.
Beomgyu picks at a loose string on his sweatpants until the timer goes off. Soobin flinches.
“Be right back,” Beomgyu murmurs.
He slips into the bathroom, and picks up the test. He knows the answer in his soul even before he looks at the two lines. Positive.
His anxiety from earlier in the morning has been replaced with an almost chilling sense of calm. It was the least likely outcome, but the one he had expected, somehow. He breathes in, holds it, exhales, and his breath escapes with a whine.
He turns around to look for Soobin, but he’s already there, waiting in the doorway, eagerly awaiting a response. Beomgyu wordlessly holds up the test.
Soobin takes the test, squints at it, holds it closer to his face. His mouth falls open, his eyebrows crinkling together in utter disbelief. “Beomgyu—what? This is—?”
“The one I just took, yeah.” Beomgyu’s heart is pounding so hard he can barely hear himself. “I could take another—but my heat was over a month ago, so I don’t think—”
“You’re… you’re pregnant.” Soobin looks like his legs aren’t going to hold him upright for much longer. “But how… I didn’t think we could…”
“You spent my whole heat knotting me,” Beomgyu says. The knot from this morning flashes into his mind. “That’s how. Babies don’t come from storks.”
“But you’ve been using suppressant pills, haven’t you? What are the odds?” Soobin asks.
“A lot higher than if we were also using condoms.” When Beomgyu was in college, and well into his mating bond with Soobin, he was almost obsessively on top of his birth control. Then, as they settled into their mating, he worried about it less and less. Last-minute pills to prevent ovulation are more than enough for the average male omega, since it’s unheard of one becoming pregnant outside of heat.
But it’s easier to forget about those pills, since he doesn’t take them with any of his other medications. Maybe he didn’t take them at the right time, or he didn’t take them at all during that heat. His routine is the same for every heat—the memories of his cycles from the past year blend together.
And they barely bother with condoms anymore. Usually they have some on hand, but Beomgyu doesn’t fuss when they run out. He’s also heard plenty of stories about them leaking during knots, but as far as he knows, he hasn’t broken any during heat.
Regardless, neither of them were checking. They were responsible on paper, but if Beomgyu is honest with himself, it’s been a long time since that outcome has been his greatest fear. He’s sure of what he has with Soobin, and that they can handle whatever life throws at them.
Soobin whines. “I wasn’t… I wasn’t paying enough attention. It was my knot. I should’ve been on top of it.”
“But I like being on top of your knot.”
Soobin makes a choked noise. “Beomgyu! This isn’t the time for joking!”
“What else can we do?” Beomgyu asks. “I probably forgot the pills, so here we are.”
Soobin sets the test on the bookshelf beside him. “Fuck.”
Beomgyu swallows. “And you know, we’ve been saying… we’re happy with each other, but we’re not afraid of it, so… if it happens, it happens… We’ll make our decision then…”
“It’s not our decision. It’s yours,” Soobin says. “You’re the one who would have to do all the scary parts.”
“Yeah, for the first nine months—” Eight months, now? “—but then we’d have to raise a whole kid,” Beomgyu says. “What do you think about that?”
“I think I need to sit down,” Soobin says. He’s leaning against the bookshelf for support—it’s only then that Beomgyu realizes he’s trembling, too.
They move to the couch, where Soobin instantly reaches for him. His scent fills the air like a cloud of pollen, tinged bitter with fear. “I can’t believe you’re pregnant,” he says. He looks between them, at Beomgyu’s stomach, but it’s much too soon for a visible change. “I didn’t think we’d ever…”
“I know,” Beomgyu says. “But I’ve spent some time thinking about it. So let’s talk about what would change.”
When they were in their twenties, even back in college, he had loathed the idea of becoming a parent. Would he be forced to give up his career? Would his relationship with Soobin suffer if his priorities shifted? Would he recognize himself in a few years, or grieve the person he once was?
Beomgyu’s friends have more gray hairs, but they’re still the same people at heart. They have the same humor, and they’ve held true to their values, and they’re stronger than ever. Kai has picked up writing, and Yeonjun dabbles in fashion design, and Taehyun is in the middle of a new research project. Their love for each other is just as passionate as it was when they first mated, although it’s settled into a comfortable warmth rather than a ferocious blaze.
Their happiness didn’t come overnight. Beomgyu isn’t naíve—he knows that having pups comes with sacrifices. But he also knows that he doesn’t have to compromise on who he is.
Soobin’s mind is heading in a completely different direction. “It’s not fair to you. I just watched how hard it was on Taehyun and Yeonjun, and I don’t want you to have to go through that unless you’re one-hundred-percent sure. What if it hurts you?”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Beomgyu says. With Soobin watching him so closely, nothing can go wrong.
“We should schedule an appointment. Just to make sure that everything’s okay. Since it’s harder for male omegas to…”
Soobin’s medical concerns are valid—male omegas often struggle through their pregnancies, and at least half of them end in cesareans. With an attentive doctor, the risk of trauma is significantly lower in modern times, but it’s not a walk in the park.
Soobin’s scent is becoming more and more sour by the second. Beomgyu squeezes his hands, hoping to soothe him. “I’m healthy right now, so there’s no reason to worry yet. There are plenty of omegas who don’t have any trouble at all.”
“I don’t know how I could watch you be in that kind of pain,” Soobin says. “All the shit I say during my rut… I didn’t actually mean…”
Who doesn’t develop a little breeding kink during rut? “Please, I was the one who instigated most of that.”
“But it was my fault. You can’t get yourself pregnant,” Soobin says. “It’s my fault, so I should have to be the one who suffers for nine months. I mean, unless… Having to be pregnant isn’t the only reason we…”
Beomgyu rubs his thumb against the back of Soobin’s hand, a pleasant distraction. “The big question isn’t whether I can handle being pregnant. It’s if we want to be parents.”
“I’m happy with the two of us,” Soobin says. “I always have been. I don’t feel like we’re missing anything.”
“Me neither. I like our life. But…”
“That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be happy with a pup. I didn’t have my heart set on it like Yeonjun and Kai, but I think there’s room in my heart,” Soobin says. “I know we could handle it. It would be hard, but Toto’s basically a toddler, and he has wings, so…”
Beomgyu laughs. “Now imagine two Totos.”
A gravely squawk from the next room seems to echo his thoughts.
“Everyone says that you’re never ready for kids, but we’re really not ready. I need to look at a budget. Do we need a college fund? A bigger apartment?” Soobin rubs his forehead. “We have to figure all of that out first.”
“We could afford it,” Beomgyu says. They’re careful about their spending, and Beomgyu’s savings are decent, but he hadn’t anticipated the cost of having a newborn. I think we could afford it.
Soobin still looks apprehensive, but without a calculator in front of him, he can’t start outlining a budget right away. “And we need an emergency fund.”
“That too,” Beomgyu says. He looks around the apartment, trying to picture it with baby supplies scattered about. A pup would sleep in their room for a while, but what about after that? They’d have to turn their office into a nursery. Not to mention… “I wonder if Toto would mind having a roommate.”
“He was fine when we had Hawon and Haeun over,” Soobin says. Whenever the pups briefly visited, it was easy to keep them separated from Toto—whose beak was undeniably a hazard—but they’d need a long-term solution. There’s no way Beomgyu would give up his first baby for a theoretical pup.
“We’d need a bigger apartment eventually,” Beomgyu says. “It would be nice to move closer to the pack.” If searching for the perfect apartment had been difficult before, how much worse would it be with the added criteria of located next to a good school, on a scenic cul-de-sac?
“I want to be closer to them anyway,” Soobin says, and Beomgyu nods. “But they’d help out. And your parents.”
Telling his parents that he had accidentally mated with Soobin was one of the most awkward conversations of Beomgyu’s life. How awkward would it be to tell them he’d accidentally gotten pregnant? His mother would probably be able to guess, and that would be even more humiliating.
“Don’t think about them right now,” Soobin says. He must have noticed the look on Beomgyu’s face. “Just focus on me.”
He’s as tense as Beomgyu, but his voice is a purr, instantly setting him at ease. Beomgyu closes his eyes, taking a deep breath and filling his lungs with his mate’s perfect, sweet scent.
“Money and support aren’t really problems for us,” he says. “I wouldn’t have been able to say the same thing about us ten years ago. Or even six years ago.”
The Beomgyu of six years ago would have completely panicked. The Beomgyu of today is panicking, but he can at least think rationally. It’s not the first time he’s made a life-altering mistake—as embarrassing as that is to admit.
“It’s… good that this happened now. We have more options,” Soobin says, exhaling. “In the future, I don’t want you to have to worry about this every heat.”
“Don’t think about that yet,” Beomgyu says. There’s a familiar twinge at the thought, one that makes him hesitate. “I think one pup would be enough for me, though.”
“One and done. Sounds good. I like kids, but I don’t need a whole pack of them,” Soobin says.
The silence that falls between them is more comfortable. Beomgyu’s heart is still racing, but the warmth of Soobin’s hand against his own is more soothing than oppressive.
He knows what Soobin is going to say before he opens his mouth, and out of all the conflicting emotions in his heart, relief is the strongest.
“Honestly, Beomgyu-yah, I… it’s nice to think about. Us with a baby.” Soobin flashes him a smile, and it’s nervous, almost giddy. “Not all of the changes would be scary.”
The images that pop into Beomgyu’s head feel more like a dream than a possibility for his own life. Soobin caring for him through his pregnancy, sharing sleepless nights where they learn what it means to love a newborn, seeing the world through their pup’s eyes.
When he fell in love with Soobin, Beomgyu experienced a love unlike anything else he had ever known. He’d be able to have that all over again through their pup, and if everything went well, their pup would have the best parts of them.
“It is nice,” Beomgyu says. Soobin’s smile melts into a grin. “You’re the only person I’ve ever thought I could do this with. I don’t think I’d want to if it wasn’t you.”
Soobin is everything an alpha should be—kind and gentle and protective of his family, but not overbearing or defensive. What better role model could Beomgyu ask for, if his pup turned out to be an alpha?
“Me neither. I didn’t even think I’d be mated, and it’s one of the best things to happen to me,” Soobin says. His voice is thick with emotion. “If a pup came from that bond… I couldn’t regret that.”
Whenever Soobin gets teary, Beomgyu instantly crumbles. “You’re my family. I love you so much.”
“I do too. I’ll take care of you, always.”
Beomgyu brings Soobin’s hand to his mouth, kissing the back of it. Soobin’s scent is stronger here, and it grounds him. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but… I think we can make this work.”
Soobin looks stunned all over again, even when Beomgyu reaches forward to hug him. But his body reacts automatically, and he tilts his head up for a kiss. “Are you sure? Really? You want this?”
“I want to have your baby.” Beomgyu rubs his nose against Soobin’s, practically crawling into his lap in an effort to be closer. He kisses him deeply, tasting his delight in his gentle, lavender scent. “As long as we’re together, we can do this.”
“If we’re together, we can do anything,” Soobin says. A warm purr vibrates in his chest, and Beomgyu echoes it on instinct.
“But we—we should keep talking,” he says. It’s nearly impossible to slow down when his brain is occupied by one single thought. A baby! You could have his baby! “We have more to figure out.”
“We will. We have all night to talk.” Soobin lowers his head, his lips pressing against Beomygu’s mating bite. “Don’t forget. Our anniversary.”
“I could never,” Beomgyu says. He releases a sigh as Soobin’s teeth graze the sensitive scent gland. “The wine will have to wait.”
“Next year,” Soobin says. They’ve shared so many years together already, but Beomgyu is only falling deeper, more and more confident in the life they’ve built. “I think it’s going to be a good one.”