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After talking with Maddie, Buck realizes that he wasn’t being the best friend to Ravi lately. He could admit he was using him as a replacement after Eddie moved to Texas. Buck has just been embarrassing himself more and more recently. First announcing to the team that Eddie was moving, next the absolute disaster that was the house showing, then dragging Ravi into his mess, and of course that whole morning after with Tommy.
But Buck is trying to be better. He had apologized to Eddie for being petty about him moving and even managed to have a normal goodbye to him. And sure, taking over his lease may not have been the most normal way to make up for his attitude, but it worked. The look in Eddie’s eyes when he said, “You would really do that for me?” was worth moving all his belongings a hundred times.
He had typed and deleted about thirty apology texts to Tommy but none of them felt right. He didn’t even know if he wanted to apologize, he’s still angry that Tommy had questioned his relationship with Eddie.
Buck liked Tommy and it hurts that he thought Buck was in love with someone else their entire relationship. Buck had spent years being the second-best option to his parents. He knew how much it stings to see the disappointment in someone’s eyes every time they look at you. How your confidence lowers more and more each day because there’s nothing you can do to make it go away, nothing you can do to be enough for them.
Buck was never using Tommy as a distraction from the rest of his life. Abby had abandoned him as soon as her life wasn’t being consumed by her mother. That had broken Buck in a way that would never truly be fixed. The wound has long scabbed over, but the scar is still there. Buck would never do that to someone.
So, Buck still needs to figure his feelings out and work on the Tommy problem but being better to Ravi is simple. Buck had asked him to hang out again. The younger firefighter had rolled his eyes at that but agreed after Buck promised to do whatever Ravi wanted and to not talk about Eddie the entire night. And that is how Buck finds himself watching some comedian with a decent TikTok following.
“Has anyone recently gotten back with an ex?” James asks the audience.
Buck gives Ravi a confused look when he yells next to him. As far as Buck knew he had been dating some guy for a few months now. Buck opens his mouth to question when they had broken up when he’s interrupted by the comedian pointing towards Ravi.
“Yes you, what’s your name?”
“Ravi!’
“So, Ravi, why did you get back with them?”
“No, no, no, I’m in a committed relationship, but Buck here hooked up with his ex-boyfriend last week.” Ravi traitorously says while motioning to Buck. This night out is supposed to be a distraction from constantly thinking about Tommy.
Buck decides he needs to get back at Ravi. First, he brings over his ex-boyfriend while he’s drunk and now, he’s making Buck talk about it with a stranger. He could trick him into saying the q-word on their next shift. Hen and Chim making Ravi’s life hell the whole shift would be amusing. Maybe having constant calls will make him get used to not having Eddie at his side all the time too.
“It was one night, and I was drunk Ravi. And he is definitely not interested in getting back together.” Buck tries to defend.
“How bad was the sex that he is definitely not getting back together with you?” James cuts back in earning a few laughs from the crowd.
“It wasn’t the sex, it was- it was the morning after.” Buck rubs at his neck nervously.
“Well, what happened? You can’t just leave it at that, I do need some material to make jokes.”
“I lashed out at him when he told me he only got back together with me because the competition is out of the way.”
“Oh, so there’s competition now? Is your life a soap opera, are we going to find out you’ve also been hooking up with his evil twin brother everyone thought was dead?”
“I mean I do have a dead brother my parents hid from me for thirty years, but pretty sure he’s an only child.”
James pauses at that. “Well, okay, who was he talking about then?”
Buck glances at Ravi, “I’m not supposed to say his name.”
“What did you used to date Rumpelstiltskin? Why can’t you say his name?”
“I had to ban it in order to have a normal conversation with Buck, but the competition was one hundred percent Eddie!” Ravi interrupts.
“Tommy was not competing with Eddie during our relationship.” Buck says exasperated.
“Why is he worried about the competition if you were already dating?” the comedian asks intrigued.
“Because Eddie would win the competition by a landslide, Tommy is like thirty years older than Buck.” Ravi says.
“He is not thirty years-“
“Well, he looks like it.”
“Okay, okay, who is Eddie?” James interrupts.
“He was Buck’s partner at the fire station we work at, he just moved back to Texas. But Buck and Eddie are like for sure in love with each other, its honestly embracing to watch.” Ravi says.
“For the last time Eddie and I are best friends! I’m not in love with him and he is definitely not in love with me, he’s straight!” Buck exclaims. He’s getting tired of constantly having to defend this, Buck can like guys and still have a platonic friendship with one.
Ravi snorts, “Surrrrre. Eddie is as straight as a u-turn.”
“Hey! I’m the only one who’s allowed to make jokes stop trying to steal my job,” James teases, “but please both present your argument for Eddie’s sexuality, and we can see who is right.”
“Uh, he says he’s straight?” Buck shrugs.
“Hmm remind me to never hire you as my lawyer. ‘Now Buck, make your case on why Mr. Mills did not kill this man.’” James turns, “Your honor, he said he didn’t, and I rest my case.” He continues with a mock impression of Buck.
“Now Ravi why do you think Eddie is gay?”
“Oh god where do I start. Every time he talks about dating a woman he calls it a performance. And honestly, he treats his girlfriends terribly. First, he made his ex-wife jump out the window so their kid wouldn’t see her.” Ravi starts counting on his fingers, “Then there was Ana where the very thought of a future with her caused him to start having panic attacks. He literally went to a cardiologist because of her. Next was Marisol who he asked to move both in and out of his house within like two days. And then he ended up cheating on her with the doppelganger of his ex-wife. Every relationship he has is a complete mess.”
“I’m doing a show in Texas soon, should I start with a PSA, ‘Women of Texas do not date Eddie. He has had a reign of terror over the women of LA. For your own safety do not interact under any circumstances.’” James interrupts, causing laughs throughout the room.
The urge to defend Eddie bubbles up in Buck. The whole Shannon situation was complicated, he was just trying to do what was best for Christopher. Ana wasn’t the right person for Eddie; that’s not Eddie’s fault. And okay yeah he fucked up with Marisol and Kim, but everyone makes mistakes right?
“And don’t get me started on his relationship with Buck, I thought they were a divorced couple co-parenting their kid for like the first year I worked with them.” Ravi concludes.
“Now Buck, that is how you make an argument. See how he had multiple pieces of evidence and didn’t phrase his statement as a question?” James says.
“We are now going to take a poll, cheer if you think Eddie is straight.” Only one person in the back cheers as Buck awkwardly claps.
“Every show always has one guy, sir, you went in the wrong place, the strip club is across the street.” James says causing another round of laughs.
“Now cheer if you think Eddie is gay.” The rest of the room erupts with noise.
“Okay now that we have democratically elected Eddie’s sexuality, we can move on to why your ex-boyfriend thinks he’s competition in your relationship.” James pauses then addresses the rest of the room, “And I know I’m spending a lot of time on this, but I didn’t prepare enough material for tonight, so you’re stuck with this love story.”
“It’s not a love story.” Buck protests weakly.
“Dude, you literally sprained Eddie’s ankle out of jealousy.” Ravi counters.
“Yeah, jealousy over Tommy not Eddie.”
“Wait, wait, wait you sprained his ankle? For those of you who are straight, one why are here, two us gays use this,” he holds up his arm and turns his hand down, “to indicate to each other we’re queer. However, I never heard of using a limb ankle before.”
“Yeah, uh, we were playing basketball and things got a little heated and I kind of pushed Eddie on to the ground. But it was because I wanted Tommy’s attention. Which I mean it worked because Tommy came over and kissed me.” Buck defends.
“Are you sure because you had a basketball delivered to the firehouse to catch Eddie’s attention. You looked like a lost puppy when he ignored you. Why not have it delivered to your loft? And why have it delivered at all? You hate basketball.” Ravi points out.
“Hmm that does seem like you care more about Eddie’s attention.” James says.
But he did want Tommy’s attention. Who wouldn’t, Tommy is great. He used to be in the army and is now a firefighter. He helps people for a living. Buck is willing to put his own life in danger to make sure someone else is okay and needs a partner who understands that. He is also into Muay Thai and thinking of him sparing with other guys? Very attractive. And that’s not even mentioning his incredible abs.
And sure, Buck is now realizing Eddie falls into all those categories too but that doesn’t mean Buck’s attracted to Eddie. Plus, even if Buck hypothetically actually wanted Eddie’s attention at the basketball game, he still dated Tommy for months. And Eddie wasn’t even in LA when Buck hooked up with Tommy last week.
“Well, I definitely wasn’t trying to get Eddie’s attention the other night.”
“Oh, you mean the night were every third word you said was ‘Eddie?’” Ravi questions. “It was insufferable, I never thought I would be thankful to see Tommy’s face, but I needed an escape.”
“Wait do you not like Tommy?” James questions.
“God no he’s an asshole! He used to work with our other co-workers and absolutely contributed to the discrimination they faced.”
“Wait what-“
“Buck did you really never bother to ask Hen and Chim what it was like to work Tommy?”
“I- no? I mean he helped Hen with the helicopter, so I thought…” Buck trails off. Tommy is a good guy; Buck’s friends wouldn’t let him date someone like that right? He decides he needs to talk with Hen soon. If Ravi is right maybe he did the right thing kicking him out of Eddie’s- Buck’s house.
“So, all your friends hate Tommy? This story keeps getting more and more interesting. Who’s the better competitor, the discriminating asshole or the man terrorizing the women of LA?” James questions.
“Oh, Eddie is for sure the better boyfriend, he may be awful at dating women, but he acts completely different with Buck. Like take our friend’s bachelor party for example, Buck spent all this time and energy planning a fun 80’s theme night. Tommy doesn’t even bother dressing up. But Buck, what was Eddie’s immediate reaction?” Ravi asks.
“What did he buy you guys matching leg warmers?” James asks.
‘He- he, uh, said we should go as Crockett and Tubbs.” Buck stutters with a blush.
“Oh my god, he immediately suggested a couple’s costume! That’s even worse.” James exclaims in disbelief.
Buck hadn’t thought about it like that. Friends wear matching costumes all the time. And yeah, he was upset that Tommy didn’t even try to match the theme when Buck had been so excited about it. But then again Tommy tended to zone out when Buck started to ramble about something.
If Buck is honest with himself part of him had been glad when Tommy had to leave. He and Eddie had so much fun that night. Being around Eddie is uncomplicated. He doesn’t need to worry that he’s talking too much or jumping between subjects too quickly. Eddie knowns exactly what he means and engages with him instead of just nodding along. But that’s what a best friend is supposed to feel like.
“This was while Buck had a boyfriend and Eddie had a girlfriend.” Ravi adds.
“And you questioned why Tommy thought Eddie was competition? Ravi, I’m on your side now.” James says.
“We haven’t even gotten to Eddie’s will.” Ravi yells.
“Are we about to find out Buck is secretly a gold digger?” James jokes.
“No, it’s, uh, if Eddie dies, I become the legal guardian of his son.” Buck explains sheepishly.
He was hoping that Ravi wouldn’t bring up Chris. Buck hasn’t seen him in months, and it hurts. He’s trying not to think about how empty his heart feels not seeing the kid every week.
“And don’t forget the fact that Eddie has parents and two sisters who are more than capable of raising him. And our friend and her wife have a son the same age and experience fostering kids.” Ravi feels the need to add.
“Of course, the obvious choice would be his work partner, you know the guy that would be facing the exact same danger that got Eddie killed. Oh my god Buck this man is in love with you. Please you have to see it at this point.” James says voice full of disbelief.
“The worst part is it’s not even weird because Buck is basically a second parent to the kid. He takes him to the zoo all the time, he makes cookies for his school, he made him a skateboard, before they moved to Texas, I’m pretty sure Buck spent more time at Eddie’s house than at his own apartment.” Ravi rambles.
That doesn't mean that Eddie’s in love with Buck, it’s just another way Buck is too much. He inserts himself into other people’s lives. He’s always waiting for the other person to have enough and leave him. But Eddie putting Buck in his will did feel different. It felt like someone was finally asking to stay.
“Yeah, Buck I can see why your boyfriend saw Eddie as competition when you’re acting as his live in-house husband.” James replies.
“Hey Buck, anything else you want to admit?” Ravi says with a pointed look.
“Oh no what else is there? At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if you guys sleep together every night.” James says.
“Well sometimes, his couch isn’t exactly the most comfortable place to sleep.” Buck replies.
“But um, when Eddie moved, I may have taken over his lease and moved into his house. Which I’m starting to understand is not the most normal friend thing to do. Tommy had a lot to say about it when I took him there after the bar.” Buck confesses.
James’s eyes widen, “Buck, Buck, please tell me you did not fuck that man in Eddie’s house.” Buck looks down in embracement, “Oh my god I don’t even know Eddie and I feel betrayed on his behalf.”
“Alright its poll time again, cheer if you think Eddie isn’t in love with Buck.” James says.
“Guys really he’s not-“ Buck starts to protest in the silence.
“No Buck clearly your opinion doesn’t count. Now cheer for Eddie being in love.” James barely finishes his sentence when the room erupts with noise.
“Okay, okay,” James nods along, “now we just have one question left, is Buck in love with Eddie?”
“NO!” Buck yells as Ravi screams “YES!”
“Buck, after the last time you almost died, whose house did you run to?” Ravi questions.
“Eddies…”
“Wait, wait, wait. ‘After the last time you almost died?’ Have you almost died more than once?” James interjects.
“Oh yeah, uh,” Buck casually starts counting, “there was the kitchen knife tracheotomy, the firetruck bombing, the pulmonary embolism, the tsunami, and then finally I was struck by lightning and died for three minutes.”
“Jesus Christ, maybe all those homophobic Christians are right, and god really does hate the gays.” The comedian jokes.
“Wait, Ravi, how many times has Eddie almost died?” James continues.
“Well, he was in a helicopter crash, then he was shot three times, he also was buried under forty feet of mud and finally was shot again.”
“See! Even god thinks Eddie is gay!” James yells.
“Okay but seeing your best friend after a traumatic event doesn’t mean you’re in love with him.” Buck defends while taking a sip of his beer. He doesn’t like having the reminder of how many times he almost lost Eddie. He still tastes the copper of his blood.
“Bro if you’re not in love why the fuck did you move into his house?” Someone yells from the back of the room.
“Hey! This is my show I ask the questions,” James says, “but Buck why did you move into his house?”
“I don’t know,” Buck shrugs, “I guess I felt bad about sabotaging all of the showings he did.”
“Buck, have you ever gone to therapy?” James asks.
“Yeah, I did for a while.” Buck replies confused.
“Okay Buck you clearly have massive, fucked up web of feelings of denial to the whole situation. Honestly, I don’t think a whole team of therapists would be able to untangle it.” James states. “And I’m not a therapist, but I am a comedian and that means I have way too much confidence. Therefore, I am now your therapist as clearly only someone with my talents can fix you. Okay?”
“Uh, okay?”
“Perfect,” James puts on an overly caring tone, “Now why did you feel the need to sabotage the showings?”
“I- uh- I have so many memories there, whenever a new person would come in it would just remind me that’s all over now. I would get so nervous that I would ramble and say something stupid.” Buck frowns. God, he really does make everything about him, doesn’t he? He is supposed to be Eddie’s best friend, and he couldn’t help him without bringing in his own feelings.
“Yes Buck!” James cheers, “Now we’re getting somewhere, that’s some good self-reflection. Keep going I believe in you.”
Fuck it. Buck thinks. He’s been bothering Maddie so much she must be tired of hearing about Eddie. Clearly everyone here is invested in this, what’s the harm of some free therapy?
“I never felt like a guest in Eddie’s house, it was always a safe place I could go to when my loft felt too empty. I guess that’s why I took over the lease, I wasn’t ready to give that up.” Buck admits.
He loved his loft, but it was always supposed to be temporary while he was living on his own. He wants a family and Eddie’s house was the type of place he dreamed about living in as a child. It was warm and inviting. The walls were full of pictures of loved ones and happy memories instead of the sterile modern décor his mom put up.
He has matured far beyond his Buck 1.0 days, maybe this move could be a part of his next evolution. He would always consider the 118 to be his family but they all had someone to come home to and he was desperate to have that kind of love waiting for him each day.
“But it didn’t work, I spent the first week after I moved in sleeping on my sister’s couch.” Buck says, “Without Eddie and his son there it felt just as empty as my old apartment. It didn’t feel like home anymore.”
“And you’re still saying you’re not in love with him?” James questions.
“Uh- yeah?” Buck says with less certainty.
“Good god the level of mental gymnastics of denial you have would qualify you for a gold medal.” The comedian teases.
“I mean I do love him; besides his son Eddie is the most important person in my life. But that doesn’t mean I have to be in love with him, right?” Buck starts to ramble. “Sure, we work forty-eight hour shifts together then spend the entirety of our time off at each other’s place. But like all best friends want to spend every moment of a day together that’s what it means to be friends. We just- we just work together so well, everything is easier when I do it with him. But like that’s probably just because our job requires it-“
“Buck slow down, I’m supposed to be the one monologuing.” Buck barely notices James interrupting his spiraling.
“-and he’s the one person who knows me best. He listens to all my Wikipedia fueled rants without complaining, he’s there when I need to complain about my parents, and he always has my back.” Buck continues talking faster and faster.
“Like when I was having trouble admitting I was bi and messed things up with Tommy. He convinced me to try again and reassured me it was okay to like men. He said, ‘this doesn’t change a thing between us.’ And that’s what a best friend is supposed to say, right? It’s not like I was expecting him to- oh.” Buck stops abruptly.
He wasn’t nervous about coming out to anyone else, only Eddie. Deep down he knew their relationship was different from everyone else. They have been standing at the edge of a cliff since that first shift. Buck coming out was an earthquake making the ground unstable. And maybe that’s what he wants; he wants them to finally fall. He wants it to change something.
He wants things to change.
“I wanted- I wanted- oh.” Buck stutters before becoming silent.
“Okay! Now that I have completely broken Buck, I think it’s time to go back to the jokes I prepared.” James says saving Buck from admitting more.
Buck doesn’t remember the rest of the show. He doesn’t remember saying goodbye to Ravi or how he got home. The next thing he knows is he’s lying in bed, in Eddie’s house, with only one thought.
I’m in love with him.
Eddie flops down on his bed. He's done working for the day and he's so bored. Now that he's not working 48-hour shifts he doesn't know what to do in a day. Driving doesn't occupy his mind the same way that firefighting did.
He used to know he was making a difference instead of just being a meaningless interaction in someone's day. He misses being able to get out of his head and work with his hands. Now all he has is the radio and his own thoughts. By the time he's done for the day his mind is completely numb.
Eddie thought his time would be spent focusing on Chris now that he’s in El Paso. However, his son seems to be too busy for him. Whenever Eddie suggests doing something together, his mom brings up a reason they can’t: Chris has chess practice, they have already bought tickets to a movie, Chris is too tired from spending time with friends.
But even the few dinners Eddie gets invited to is more time he’s spending with Chris than he did in LA. He’s starting to make progress repairing their relationship and that’s all that matters. Even if it means he’s miserable most of the time.
If he was home- if he was in LA he could call up Karen and Maddie for a wine night, ask Chim out for karaoke, or enjoy Bobby and Athena’s cooking for dinner. And of course he could always hang out with Buck.
Eddie wasn't lying when he left, he does miss him. He misses late Friday movie nights and waking up Saturday to a homemade breakfast instead of the cereal he has now. He misses working side by side with someone who knew what he was thinking with just a look. He misses his best friend.
When he first moved it felt like nothing changed majorly. He and Buck face timed constantly and texted whenever they could. But this last week something has been different. Buck keeps coming up with excuses to avoid his calls. Which doesn't make sense, he and Eddie had been doing everything while on face time. Even Eddie's texts are met with just a thumbs up or one-word responses.
He can’t think of anything he said that would cause this to change. Maybe Buck’s finally gotten tired of Eddie always needing him and found a better best friend. The thought makes something in Eddie’s heart hurt.
He misses waking up to 15 texts explaining the complete history of prion diseases or whatever else Buck is hyper fixed on when he can't sleep. He misses hearing what stunt Buck pulled that gave Bobby gray hairs. He misses seeing what new baked good Buck perfected each week.
Eddie keeps having to resist the urge to call Maddie or Bobby and figure out what is going on with Buck. Buck's life doesn't revolve around Eddie. He's allowed to buy groceries by himself or go to a bar with their friends.
Eddie should just focus on finding some friends in El Paso, but he misses his best friend. He wouldn't be able to sit in silence or spend 48 hours together and still go home together with anyone else. Eddie misses Buck.
But Buck is avoiding him, so Eddie has a lot of time and nothing to do. He decides to download TikTok in the hope that he would have something to talk with Chris about. He’s mindlessly scrolling one night when he comes across some comedian he doesn’t recognize.
He’s about to move on to the next video when a familiar voice says Buck’s name. He pauses, Buck isn’t exactly the most common name. And yeah, that’s Buck’s voice in the video.
The comfort of hearing his voice for the first time in a week fades quickly. If Buck was in a TikTok surely, he would have told Eddie about it right away. It’s another reminder Buck has gone radio silent.
He decides to start the video over and pay attention this time.
“Buck here hooked up with his ex-boyfriend last week.”
Oh, so Buck got back together with Tommy. That’s why he’s been avoiding Eddie; he’s probably spending all his time with Tommy again. Which is fine, Eddie has no right to control who Buck is in a relationship with.
That doesn’t stop him from wishing it was someone other than Tommy Kinard. He tries to ignore the horrible feeling in his gut thinking about Buck going back to Tommy’s house.
Once he and Buck started dating Eddie questioned why he ever started hanging out with Tommy. He always says little comments to belittle the person he’s talking to. He even does it to Buck! Who talks bad about Buck he’s so good. He cares so much about everyone.
Eddie had asked Chimney what he thought of Tommy, he had worked with the man for years. If anyone could back Eddie up it was him. He wasn’t surprised to hear he called Chim a delivery guy and Hen a bitch when they started.
Eddie’s anger settles when Buck says they’re not getting back together. Good. Buck deserves better than Tommy fucking Kinard.
“The competition was 100% Eddie!”
Oh, Eddie was the one who messed up their relationship. Even if he is happy that they broke up, Buck was unhappy and that’s what mattered. Eddie should have realized he was depending on Buck too much with Chris not speaking to him. God his fuck up destroyed Buck’s life too. Great like he needs to feel more guilty.
“Surrrrre. Eddie is as straight as a U-turn.”
Wait- what? Ravi thinks they’re in love? That he’s g- Eddie’s brain short circuits. That can’t be right, Eddie can’t be… not straight.
Buck strongly defending him should be comforting, his best friend is having his back. Instead, something sinks in his gut every time he disagrees.
He tunes back in to the video only to hear Ravi list out all his past failures. And sure, every single relationship he’s been in has crashed and burned but that’s because of Eddie. He always panics when things get serious and finds a way to sabotage it. He’s scared of commitment, that’s all, it doesn't mean anything else.
“Now cheer if you think Eddie is gay.”
Eddie tries not to panic when the whole crowd cheers. These people don’t know him, they must all be wrong. Part of his brain whispers that Ravi does know him and still started this whole debate. But that doesn’t matter.
He’s in his thirties and he should have figured out his sexuality by now. His brain whispers again that Buck just discovered he’s bi.
Eddie barely pays attention to them talking about that stupid basketball game. Eddie should have realized he was being a shitty friend to Buck. Maybe then he wouldn’t have dated Tommy. Then again maybe he wouldn’t have realized he’s bi, Eddie would never wish for that. He’s so proud of Buck for fully being himself. Eddie could never do that; he’s spent his whole life trying to be what others need him to be.
“God no he’s an asshole!”
He feels vindicated when Ravi calls Tommy out. He’s relieved someone else sees it. Eddie was always too much of a coward to point it out to Buck and ruin his happy relationship. Hopefully, Ravi can convince him Tommy’s an asshole and Eddie will never have to think about Buck kissing his ugly face again.
A smile creeps onto his face at the reminder of the bachelor’s party. The hangover the next morning was worth spending the whole night with Buck. If he was honest, he’s glad no one else was there, that night was the most fun he had had in a while. Which should have been a sign that his relationship with Marisol was doomed to fail.
“We haven’t even gotten to Eddie’s will.”
Eddie doesn’t understand why Ravi would bring up his will. Eddie made that decision years ago and has no intention of changing it even if Chris is living in El Paso. Buck is the only one he knows will raise Chris how Eddie wants. That doesn’t mean Eddie loves him.
Buck understands that Chris is his own person. He has his own opinions and wants. He craves independence. Buck has always respected that.
He listens when Chirs talks about something he’s passionate about. Then they’ll have an in-depth conversation Eddie can’t follow because Buck spent all night researching it just to make Chris smile.
Whenever Chris wants to do something, Buck will find a way to make it happen without babying him. He figured out the skateboard when Eddie didn’t know what to do.
He never makes decisions for Chris. When he teaches Chris how to cook, he ensures Chris feels confident doing it on his own.
Buck’s the only other person Eddie knows will put Chris first.
“The worst part is it’s not even weird because Buck is basically a second parent to the kid.”
Huh. Eddie had never really thought about it that way before. How much would it really change if Buck was Chris’s dad? Whenever they spend their days off separately, the first thing Buck does is ask about Chris. He genuinely cares about every test, science experiment, or sleep over he has. Buck plans his weeks around Chris’s school events. Before he moved, Buck would make sure to spend his weekends off doing something with Chris. At this point they could both navigate the natural history museum blind.
Now that the idea is out in the universe, Eddie realizes he’s not been a single parent for a long time. Every time he has a problem with Chris, Buck is there.
Buck was the one to introduce him to Carla. Buck was the one who helped Eddie decide to let Shannon back in. Buck was the one Chris ran to when he was upset about Eddie dating. Buck was the person who comforted Chris when Eddie was shot. Buck was who Eddie called when Chris wouldn’t open his door.
Loving Chris is a requirement of any partner Eddie has. Maybe he’s been wrong. Maybe he doesn’t need to keep dating women to find a mom for Chris. Maybe Chris already has all the parents he needs.
Chris is the most important part of Eddie’s life. He is Eddie’s heart and at some point, Eddie gave it fully to Buck.
Ravi’s arguments are starting to sound convincing.
“Please tell me you did not fuck that man in Eddie’s house.”
Eddie’s stomach drops. Buck took Tommy back to his house.
Images of the two of them in his house flash through his mind. He’s obsessed with knowing every little detail. Did Tommy push Buck against the door? Did they leave a trail of clothes through his living room? Did they make it to the bed or decide the couch was enough?
The thought makes Eddie miss his fighting days. Rage boils in his veins pushing him to hit something. Preferably Tommy. Tommy may know how to fight but Eddie’s confident he could take him.
As Eddie shakes out of the fantasy, he realizes these thoughts aren’t exactly new. All the snide remarks he and Taylor shared come to mind.
He’s never liked any of Buck’s partners. He justified it by saying he was just doing his duty as Buck’s best friend. It’s his job to make sure Buck’s treated right, and none of his exes treated him like he deserves.
Deep down Eddie knows he would never approve of a partner because no one would treat Buck as good as Eddie would.
“Now cheer for Eddie being in love.”
Eddie would cheer if he was in that audience. Part of him hates that Buck denies it. He deserves to know what it’s like to be chosen, to be loved fully.
“I never felt like a guest in Eddie’s house.”
Good. His house always felt more like a home whenever Buck was over. Hearing that Buck felt the same fills him with warmth.
Buck’s rambling brings a smile to Eddie’s face. He misses hearing Buck go on and on. He soaks up every word after a week without them.
“I wanted- I wanted- oh.”
Something close to hope blooms in Eddie’s chest when Buck abruptly stops talking. He desperately wants to know what Buck was going to say. After everything Buck has done for him, Eddie is determined to fulfill every wish he has.
As the video starts to replay, Eddie finally looks to the side of the screen.
Holy shit.
The video has 1.2 million likes. Over a million people heard every detail about him and his best friend and cared enough to like the video. Eddie feels a little sick at the thought.
Oh god what if one of their friends sees it, Eddie doesn’t think he would be able to stand Chim’s teasing. Or even worse what if Eddie’s family sees it, he has nieces who are on TikTok it’s not a stretch. Fear spikes through him at the thought.
He’s terrified to know what that many people think about him. Ravi talking about all his ex-girlfriends does not make him very likeable. And despite how much he hated it, he did leave Buck alone in LA. The idea that people think he’s not good enough for Buck causes his heart to sink.
He’s even more terrified to learn what everyone thinks about Buck. Everyone in the audience seemed to believe Buck’s in love with him. He doesn’t know if he wants people to deny or support it.
But he has to know, he clicks on the comments.
Denial is a river in Egypt
Eddie has absolutely no idea what this means. What does the Nile River have to do with him and Buck? He almost texts Ravi to see if he knows but thinks better of it.
Eddie I’m going to hold your hand when I say this
He doesn’t know how to take this one. He wishes the commenters would just say what they mean instead of using codes everyone, but Eddie seems to know.
If I ever meet Tommy, it is ON SIGHT
Eddie snorts at this one, he’s glad other people share his opinion.
I want to tie Eddie to a chair and play Good Luck Babe on repeat
Eddie starts to feel old reading all of these, he’s confused about every reference. He decides to listen to the song later, maybe it will bring some clarity.
The closet is GLASS
Eddie decides to ignore this one.
Did you guys see Buck??? Eddie how could you fumble that
That’s- that’s a good point. Buck is one of the most gorgeous people Eddie has ever seen. But that doesn't mean anything, anyone would find Buck attractive. Everyone does based on how often people give him their number on calls.
Why am now obsessed with #Buddie
Most of the comments are in this same vein, all talking about “buddie.” Eddie decides to look this one up in TikTok. He’s met with dozens of videos of people discussing him and Buck. Some are just short memes, but some are lengthy discussions dissecting everything Buck and Ravi said.
Everyone seems to think Buck and him are soulmates. Around the tenth video something in Eddie’s brain just clicks.
I’m in love with him.
The realization should freak him out, but it feels right. It’s been right in front of him for years, it just took people pointing directly at it for him to see it.
He goes back to the original video. The comedian has his tour dates listed at the end. Eddie realizes he’s coming to El Paso in a week.
Eddie buys a ticket.
Eddie keeps fidgeting in his seat. He doesn’t know why he decided this was a good idea. James had been on stage for twenty minutes, but Eddie hasn’t paid attention to a single joke. He should leave; this is a stupid idea. He doesn’t even know what he wants to come from this. He bought the ticket hoping for some clarity, see why James thought Buck was in love with him.
He doesn’t know why he decided a complete stranger was the right option. He should have just called Karen. But if he told her she would tell Hen, then Hen would tell Chimney and suddenly everyone would know he’s in love with Buck.
But if he says something here then everyone in the room would know.
He’s about to just call it and leave when James speaks up, “As some of you might know, I recently went viral.”
The crowd cheers, “For those of you who don’t know, I did a show in LA where I spent most of my set trying to convince this guy he’s in love with his best friend. It blew up on TikTok, obviously for my amazing commentary and not because everyone was captivated by the story.”
“But it did get millions of views, so if anyone here wants your love life completely analyzed by TikTok please speak out now.” A few people in the crowd yell out at this.
Eddie knows he won’t get a better opportunity than this. Before he can second guess himself, he raises his hand.
James looks over, “Dude, you don’t need to raise your hand, I’m not your kindergarten teacher. I doubt you’ll be able to top Buck’s story but please try.”
He panics and blurts out, “I’m Eddie.”
“Okay, hi Eddie,” James says skeptically, “You’re going to have to say more than- Wait, I’m in Texas. Eddie. Do you mean Buck’s Eddie?”
He blushes as warmth fills him at the phrasing, “Yeah, Buck’s Eddie.”
The room erupts in noise at the admission.
“Holy shit. Everyone be quiet! I’m about to go viral again.” James yells. “I’m assuming you saw the video if you’re here.”
“Yeah I, uh, I saw the video.”
James pauses with a look of horror, “Oh my god this is embarrassing. For those of you who didn’t see, I took a poll on if Eddie is gay and in love with his best friend then posted it for millions of people to see. Oh god, this is awkward.”
“I didn’t appreciate the posting to millions of people part, but you and Ravi made some pretty good points.” Eddie admits.
“Wait, really?” James asks in shock.
“Yeah about me being- that I-“ Eddie starts to stumble over his words.
He had convinced himself he was ready. He mentally recited the words over and over again last night when he couldn’t sleep. But now when he needs them his tongue feels too heavy. This is a bad idea, Eddie shouldn’t be here, he’s not brave enough. He should just deny everything and run away from this, that’s what he always does when he needs to face his emotions.
But this isn’t just about Eddie. This is about Buck, his best friend, his partner. Buck never hides his emotions. Eddie can read every inch of his face like it’s his favorite book. He’s so vibrant when he’s happy, it’s like looking into the sun. When he’s upset something in Eddie aches until he’s smiling again. And that’s what Buck must be now, upset. Maybe Eddie can be a little more like Buck if it means the sun will shine again.
“I don’t understand any of Buck’s exes. I kind of hate all of them.” Eddie blurts out. Okay, not exactly what he wanted but it’s a start.
“Okay, not to rub salt in the wound but I know everyone is curious. How do you feel about Buck hooking up with that guy in your house.” James says carefully.
“Tommy,” Eddie spits out before taking a second to let the rage wash over him.
“He’s a perfect example of why I hate them all! None of them actually care about Buck. They use him then leave him broken when they get bored.” Eddie is letting the anger take over, but he doesn’t care, at least he’s talking now.
“His first girlfriend saw him as a young toy to distract herself with then didn’t even have the decency to break up with him. His second abandoned him when he was at his lowest. Then the next one,” Eddie rolls his eyes just thinking about Taylor, “She betrayed him to advance her own career. Then his last girlfriend didn’t even like him, she was just obsessed with the fact that he died.”
“I have a feeling you’re a bit biased in your hatred but please continue.” Eddie chooses not to acknowledge that.
“Then finally there’s Tommy, who treats Buck horribly. All these little ‘jokes’ made at his expense, ignoring him when he’s excited to talk about something, he barely knows anything about him! Like- like for their anniversary, Tommy bought him basketball tickets, Buck hates basketball!” Eddie starts to feel lighter; he’s been holding that rant in since Buck first told him it was a date.
“Eddie- Eddie it’s okay, everyone is on the hating Tommy train you don’t need to convince us.”
“Its just, how could you do something like that to Buck? He’s so good. He cares about everyone. He’ll risk his own life on a call just to save a puppy. All he wants is to help people, he’s so selfless. I have no idea what I would do without him, every time I have a problem, he’s right there in it with me. He’s just incredible. And all his exes gave that up, they’re idiots.” Eddie knows he’s rambling but it’s hard to stop, all his feelings finally bubbling over.
“Ah, yes ‘incredible’ is the exact way I describe my platonic friends. Eddie you are making it really hard to believe you don’t feel anything for Buck.” James cuts in.
“Well yeah, that makes sense, I’m in love with Buck.” Eddie shrugs. It should feel jarring finally saying it, but he just feels content.
“Wait are you serious?” James breaks the silence that had fallen over the room.
“Like I said, you and Ravi made a good argument.” Eddie laughs.
“Well, are you going to tell him? I feel more confident that I was right about both of you.”
“I uh want to but, he keeps dodging my calls. At this point I’m just going to spit it out before he says a word the next time that he calls me.” Eddie admits.
“I am so glad you admitted it, otherwise I seem like the asshole harassing a straight guy.” James laughs.
“No, you were just right about Buck, I’m straight.” Eddie says.
“Eddie.” James sighs, “Only someone from Texas would admit to being in love with a man then immediately claim to be straight.”
“Okay Eddie I’m going to walk you through pivotal moment in a queer person's life and if at the end you still claim to be straight, I'll leave you alone." James pulls out his phone and begins typing.
"Eddie you are going to take the 'Am I Gay Quiz.' Usually this happens when a person is 13 but 30 works too."
"Uh okay?" Eddie feels a spike in anxiety at the thought of breaking down his emotions in front of everyone. He can barely do it with Frank. How is he supposed to do this?
"Great. First question, when you think about your future partner, what gender do they typically have?" James turns his whole attention to Eddie.
"I think of Buck, he's the one I want at my side the rest of my life." The crowd awes at that.
"Okay everyone, before you crown him the next Romeo remember how long it took for him to get there." James says
"I don't want to be the next Romeo, they both die." Eddie deadpans.
"From what Buck said you guys almost die every other day, so it seems pretty accurate." Eddie has to admit that's fair, some days it seems like Buck has more lives than a cat.
"Next question, Are you more comfortable with a member of the same sex?"
"Yeah, but like everyone is, right? Everyone prefers to hang out with their friends over their girlfriend."
"No dude, I'd much rather spend time with my girlfriend." Some guy yells form the back.
"It's not like I dislike spending time with them, its fine I guess. I mean I'm supposed to enjoy being with them, that's what's expected." Eddie defends.
"Good god you are the poster boy for internalized homophobia." James says in disbelief.
"I did enlist in the army so that I didn't have to spend time with my wife. And started having panic attacks whenever I was with my girlfriend. And I avoided spending time with my last girlfriend by spending time with Buck." Eddie's in this far he might as well be truthful.
"It seems to me like you were just pretending to be interested in them. Like it was a mask." James supplies.
"You're not the first person to say that recently, I grew out a mustache, and a priest called it a disguise." Eddie admits.
"That's not surprising from the sound of it you've had a beard for years." James jokes and looks back at his phone. "Has anyone ever asked you if you were gay?"
"That's an easy one, according to TikTok over a million people have." Eddie still feels a bit of dread knowing how many people are invested in his personal life.
"Good point, next question. Have you been afraid about your loved ones figuring out your innermost thoughts?"
Eddie panics a bit at that question. How does he explain that he hasn't been able to express his feelings since his dad told him to 'be the man of the house' when he was ten?
“Well, uh, yeah, um, I’m a guy I’m not supposed to show my feelings.” Eddie doesn’t sound convincing even to himself.
“Okay,” James sighs. “Now, were you raised catholic?”
“Yeah?”
“And that comes as a surprise to?” James pauses as the room is silent. “Exactly.”
The comment makes Eddie think back to when he was in catholic school. How he had to fake interest whenever his friends would talk about the cheerleaders. How Eric Serrano convinced him to ask out Shannon. He did like spending time with her; she was his best friend. But he was willing to do anything Eric asked him just so Eddie would see him smile.
Shannon had always complained he never showed his emotions. But he barely knew how to feel them, it didn’t matter what he felt, he had a role to play. Son. Husband. Father. Solider.
It’s not surprising all his relationships failed, as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, he never felt like himself. Not like he felt when he and Eric shot basketballs. Not like he felt when he and Jones shared stories of home in the bunk room. Not like he feels when he and Buck talk late over beers.
Before he can think of a response, Eddie’s phone rings.
“This better be an important call if you’re going to interrupt my show.” James says.
Eddie looks at his phone, “It’s Buck.” Of course, he’s been avoiding him for weeks and now is the time he calls.
“You did say the next time he called you would tell him.” James sounds too gleeful for Eddie’s nerves. But he’s right, Eddie doesn’t know when he’ll get an opportunity to talk to Buck again. Without thinking, Eddie accepts the call.
“Put it on speaker!” James demands.
“Hey Buck.” Eddie starts nervously.
“Hi Eds, what are you doing? It sounds loud.” Buck responds.
“He’s at my comedy show Buck.” James decides to intervene.
“Why did you answer a call at a comedy show?” Buck asks confused.
“I told him to Buck, and it’s nice to hear from you again, you did help me gain a bunch of TikTok followers.”
“Wait are you, James?” Buck sounds scared.
“Yep!”
“Eddie, uh, why are you at James’s show?” Buck asks fearfully.
“I saw a very interesting video of him and you.” Eddie decides he might as well get to the point.
“You saw- Oh my god I’m so sorry.” Eddie hates how panicked Buck sounds.
“Listen Eddie, I’m so sorry I should have stopped the conversation, I was completely out of line-“
“Buck.” Eddie tries to interrupt.
“Of course, you wouldn’t want all those people to know about your life, I shouldn’t have said everything I did-“
“Buck, it’s okay.” Eddie is starting to worry that Buck hasn’t taken a breath yet.
“I’ll understand if you never want to speak to me again, I know I made you uncomfortable, you’re straight, obviously you don’t want to think about having a relationship with me-“
“Buck, please breath.” Eddie wants him to stop rambling before he has a full-blown panic attack.
“I know I fucked up our relationship like I do with everything. You can block my number, it’s okay I understand. It’s good you’re no longer at the station, I know you don’t want to see me-” Eddie needs to stop Buck from spiraling further, he hates how self-deprecating Buck can be.
“Buck, you didn’t fuck anything up. I love you.” Eddie ignores the cheers around them.
He succeeds at his goal, Buck stays silent for ten seconds before he does a nervous chuckle. “I- uh- I love you too man. You’re my best friend, dude. It’s great to have a friend like you, uh, bro.”
“Don’t call me bro.” Eddie makes a face at that suggestion. He shouldn’t be surprised Buck took it as a platonic confession.
“Buck, Evan,” Eddie takes a breath to gather his courage, “I’m gay. I’m in love with you. In, uh, in a gay way.” Eddie cringes slightly, it’s not how he envisioned this going.
“I’m in love with you too, in a gay way.” Eddie can hear Buck’s bashful smile.
“Yes! Finally!” James yells. Eddie had forgotten where they were. Oh god he said that in front of a room of people. But Buck is worth every bit of embarrassment.
“Good, because I’m really in love with you. I’m ‘want to spend the rest of my life with you’ in love with you. I want to be together every moment. I want to be so annoying Chim and Hen tease us relentlessly. I want to see your curly-haired children running around our house. I want it all.” Eddie decides he’s allowed to show his emotions for once.
“God Eds, I want that too. But uh there’s a problem with that. An 802-mile problem.”
“Of course, you know the exact number of miles.” James says.
“I’m working on that. Me and C-“ Eddie remembers in that moment that this is being filmed, “Me and my son have been spending more time together. Our relationship is getting better.”
“I’m glad, but Texas is your home now, I mean you bought a house.”
“Texas was the plan, but then a video reminded me that our home is in LA. Our home is with you.” Eddie doesn’t care how cliché that sounds, it’s true.
“So, are you going to kick me out of your house? Make me sleep on the couch?” Buck asks in a teasing tone.
“Well, the couch is pretty uncomfortable, can’t have you going on rescues with a sore back every day. You’ll just have to share my bed.” Eddie responds with a smile.
“Oh god you two are so adorable it’s sickening.” James says.
“One rule though.” Eddie says.
“What?”
“Tommy is never allowed in our house again.” Eddie states firmly.
“Deal.” Buck chuckles.
One Year Later
Image description: Two hands interlocked with matching rings.
FirefighterBuckley: Thanks to @JamesMills for talking some sense into two idiots. #Buddie