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John sat on the recliner seat in the corner of the common room, in front of the windows. The time is 0030, 4 hours after dinner. Usually, he would be asleep by now. It's been 2 months since the Void attacked New York, and 2 months since John re-experienced the worst moments of his life.
It's been two months since he was haphazardly thrown onto this team of washed-up losers and called a new Avenger. John pulled a bit more into himself. A group of 5 losers and some god hiding in the body of a civilian named Bob.
On days and nights like these, Olivia used to be there to comfort him and soothe his racing mind. He tweaks the ring on his left hand. While those days were as common as they were in the past 2 months, he's sure that Liv would've been there for him nonetheless. Maybe she would still be there for him if he didn't fuck things up so bad. The thought of that makes John cringe even more. Olivia managed to stay with him even when he completely disgraced the shield of Captain America, but he just always has to fuck things up. Lemar. Captain America. Olivia. His son.
A headache begins in his head. And now he's stuck with these losers, having nowhere else to go. It's nice to have a team to work with, but to call them his friends is a long stretch. John admits to himself that he's far too abrasive to get along with the rest of the group. They were all able to rally around Bob, but… that's the only thing he can think of that connects him to the group.
And thinking solely about the "New Avengers", John's reputation already puts their bad public perception straight into the landfill. The headache spreads behind his eyes and gets even more intense. Fuck. He might as well just leave the whole thing. Maybe kill Valentina at it too. Become his own leader. It’s not like he can betray himself..
Absentmindedly playing with the drawstring of his sweatpants, thinking about his very theoretical assassination plan, John picks up the sound of footsteps against closer to the doorway. He quickly goes through the possible candidates that could be coming here at this time, but he doesn't conclude anything yet.
John doesn't bother hiding from the doorway when the steps come closer. It's not like he has anything to hide.
Someone does come into the common room, and, and he can hear them stop in their tracks. John doesn't look back, and he hears the individual walk away towards the kitchen. Must've gotten some nighttime hunger pangs.
John thinks about who was present at dinner. He remembers that Bob didn't eat all that much at dinner, so it's probably him. The light from the kitchen ghosts his peripheral vision. John decides to rest his eyes. With his military training, he will be up before everyone else, and no one will find him sleeping outside his room. Well, except whoever is in the kitchen, but to be totally honest, he doesn't care that much.
John has his eyes closed for 5 minutes, his memories haunting the edges of his eyes, until his ears pick up socked footsteps coming towards him. It's probably Yelena or Bob. John does not outwardly acknowledge the footsteps, but they do stop at the side opposite his face. John inwardly groans and hopes for the person to go away.
"Hey, Walker," says the very familiar voice of Bob. John rolls his eyes, but his eyelids are closed. So much for wallowing alone tonight. Despite his annoyance, he turns his face towards Bob and cracks his eyes open.
"Can't a guy get some sleep without anyone bothering him?" John is making a face at Bob.
Bob's face twitches onto a small grin but it quickly goes away. He's holding a container of some sort of apple-cinnamon flavored overnight oats.
"I'm just, um, checking on you, Walker,” Bob replies. He starts shifting the weight on his feet. “Sometimes there's someone here when I come over here, but they're usually not sitting in the darkest corners of an already dark room," Bob explains. "And especially they don't sleep here. I can tell you've been here for a while," he quickly adds. There's a nervous grin on his face.
John raises an eyebrow. "And what am I supposed to do with that information, Bobby," John deadpans.
The brunette furrows his brows a bit, and a little pout forms. John really doesn't have time for this right now.
"I'm just saying, Walker, you don't have to be alone here. I can't tell you're not in the best mood,” Bob says while stepping back a little to give some space.
John rubs his face with his hands. "Yeah, but it's not like I'll turn into an all consuming shadow being if I bottle it up inside," John says without thinking. He winces. He really needs to start filtering his thoughts. He's already fucked up one relationship by doing that. Another quality to the pile, he thinks.
Bob makes a small squeak at the blond's comment, and the air gains an awkward tension. Bob seems to open his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Bob starts moving, and John thinks he's going to leave when he just goes to sit down near the foot of the recliner chair, in front of the window. Bob decidedly, for some reason unknown to John, does not leave. John, for some reason also unknown to John, feels relieved that Bob stays with him.
The brunette opens up his oats and starts eating them. The air still holds its tension, but John thinks he would feel worse if he was alone right now after what he said to Bob. He doesn't know how long it is until the silence is broken by Bob.
"Y'know, my memory of what happened two months ago is virtually back," Bob says. When John doesn't reply, he continues.
"I remember how you guys all banded up to come help me while in the- uh- shame rooms. It's been a long time since I had some people who care about me like that."
John doesn't know where Bob is going with this. He cranes his head up to meet Bob’s eyes. The brunette doesn't match eye contact.
"All of you guys put away your differences to don't help me.” Bob is obviously struggling to gather the words he wants to say here.
John sits up and scoffs out a what?, to get Bob to get to the point. Bob also sits up at John’s movement.
“Okay, I'm just saying that- I consider you guys my friends, for being there for me
I want you guys to know that I'm here for you guys, too. Especially for you, Walker,” Bob softly says.
The last sentence Bob says is probably related to how distant John has been acting lately to the team. But it's none of the business of the other people living in this building.
"You're a bit hard-pressed to call this group of losers and criminals your friends, Bobby," John says. The implication of John being part of the loser group is never refuted. “And besides, you don't owe us anything for a group hug.” John feels the phantom touch of when Bob held his arm at the end of it all, in the Void.
John thinks about the blood on his hands, that he can never wash off. He thinks about Lemar and how he died in front of him. His face is probably contorting into something, but he doesn't care. The world would be better without John Walker. He focuses his eyes back on Bob.
The lights of the kitchen still illuminate Bob's face. He has gotten the confidence to look back at John, with a look that John can't read right now. Fucking hell, John thinks.
Bob's face changes into something hopeful, despite John's attitude in this whole thing. "Hey, Walker, you don't need to be alone in all of this. You don't need to feel bad for what happened in the vault, if that's what you're thinking about. I don't think you're a bad guy," Bob incorrectly assumes. He reaches out to the chair, and John has flashbacks to his first encounter with the Void.
John flops back down on the chair and starts massaging the sides of his head. Shouldn't this situation be going the other way around?, he thinks. His headache starts to spread to the sides of his head. So much for the super serum making his body better.
"I don't have to be anyone's friend, Bobby," John scoffs. Bob puts his empty container and spoon on the floor, and he stands up, muttering alright. He walks over to the side of the recliner and offers out a hand.
"Alright," he says again, "I really want to help you, Walker. We can get along." A soft smile infiltrates Bob’s face. He holds a hand out, and John feels a bit of deja vu.
John stares at Bob's stupid smiling face, and he cannot believe the situation he is in right now. He swats away Bob's inviting hand and goes to stand up, beside Bob. The memories of the vault start flooding back. He takes a step away from Bob.
Irritation bubbles up in John. "Yeah, okay Bobby," he mutters a bit loudly for the situation. "Sure, man, we'll all be friends and then we'll all just get along and all my problems are solved, huh?" John crosses his arms and glares at Bob.
Bob cowers, barely noticeable, but John's observant eyes catch it. John’s face cringes even more at himself. Bob opens his mouth to say something, but John continues in his rant before he can get a word in.
"Wanna make friendship bracelets together, too, huh? We can hold hands and jump in a circle as rainbows and bubbles circle us. Big whoop. Leave me alone, dude," John says with a hint of venom. He can't help himself.
A genuine look of confusion flashed over Bob's face at the mention of friendship bracelets, but it turns into one of concern by the end of John's rant. Bob tries to say something again, but John pushes past him and walks towards the hallway. "I have a damn headache-migraine that's starting to build up. I'm going to sleep, don't have time for this," John says to no one in particular while walking away. He doesn't look back, even when the shitty feeling from how he treated towards Bob comes to his mind.
A Good night, Walker is said, but John is out of earshot by the time that happens.
*
John wakes up later that day, at 0500, something ingrained into his subconscious from military physical training. He curses to himself at his late-night excursion yesterday, pointedly not thinking about his scene with Bob. It's not that he's tired, but the headache is still dull, radiating at the back of his head. Fucking stress headaches. He was hoping that it would be fully away by the time he woke up. It seems to have gotten worse, too, with the super soldier serum, despite his better body. He really should've thought it through before taking that vial, but he tries not to think too much about that time or he thinks he might go insane.
John decides to get up and go get a bunch of food before he holes himself back up in his room. Luckily for him, he encounters no one on his walk to the kitchen pantry. The orange sunlight of sunrise peaks into the tower.
While taking as many snacks as he can fit into his arms, a clunking sound comes from above him. He inwardly curses as he didn't think about taking any of his weapons with him to the kitchen. He drops his snacks and gets into a fighting position, tracking the sounds when the vent slams open. Yelena drops out of it, landing on her feet, dust flying around. John drops his position, and they stare at each other for a beat.
"Walker," Yelena greets with a nod.
John just tilts his head, slightly slack-jawed. "What the hell," he mutters. These people are weird.
"Good morning," Yelena greets again. She moves past John and grabs a granola bar from John's dropped pile of snacks. "Wipe that look off your face, Walker. What are you doing up so early? We all go up for breakfast at 10," she says.
John decides not to comment on Yelena's sudden hobby of crawling in the vents. "Okay. Um, I was getting something to eat. A small thing before breakfast."
Yelena leans on the counter, ripping open the bar. She lifts her head to John and raises her eyebrow. John mirrors her gesture.
"Uh-huh. You need all of this-" she makes a gesture at the colorful heap of wrappers- "-to eat before breakfast?"
John gets defensive. "Yes," he answers. He doesn't need this type of questioning right now, and he wants to go back to his room.
Yelena shakes her head and walks around the counter and John. She pats John's back, smirking as if she knows something. The action annoys John to no end.
"If you ever need to talk to someone, you know that we are here, ok?" Yelena smiles at John. He has no idea what this is about, but he rolls his eyes and shakes Yelena's hand off his shoulder.
"Whatever, Yelena."
Yelena smirks and takes a bite of the (stolen) granola bar, only to wince and grunt once her teeth meet the bar. John quietly snickers at her plight. "Eughhh, it's one of those hard ones. What the hell, Walker, you like these?" She moves the bar to bite at it with her back teeth, which gets a genuine laugh out of John. She glares at John after taking the bite and throws the rest at John, crunches being heard from her trying to eat the bar. John catches it before it hits him and throws it away.
He goes to kneel back down, pick up his not-forgotten snacks, when Yelena starts talking again.
"Bob and I will be out today for a bit. We're going now. We will be out shopping at the mall." The mention of Bob after last night sends a pang of something John does not bother to label through John's chest, and his face sours, but he's facing away from Yelena, so she doesn't catch it.
"Would you like anything from the store or mall? Don't really know what a super soldier needs from a mall, but-"
"No. I don't need anything,” he interrupts. "Have fun," he grits out.
The change in tone of his voice is noticeable to him, but Yelena either doesn't notice or care or think too much about it when the sound of her footsteps moves away shortly after. His headache starts pulsating, and it's pissing him off to no end. Have a good day, Walker, he hears her say in the distance.
John's almost done grabbing all of his snacks when he hears Bob and Yelena talking to each other. He doesn't make a noise until he hears the elevator door close and that the voices are gone. He takes a deep breath, and he manages to gather all of his snacks and grabs a bit more, and walks back to his room without dropping any.
He drops them all near his bed and lies back down on the uncomfortably warm mattress. He cranes his head to look at his clock. 0625. He drops his head back to the bed and grabs a bag of fruit snacks, and picks up his phone. Blue light is not the best thing when his headache is like this, but he can't help it. He looks over the Contacts in his phone. His finger lingers over Olivia. For a moment, he really considers it.
John closes the app and goes to a news site to look at what's the newest thing being said about him and the New Avengers. He goes through half of his pile of snacks by the time he drifts back to sleep
*
Knocking at his door wakes John up. There's drool all over his cheek, and his phone is on the floor. He wipes himself off quickly and gets to the door, to be jumpscared by Bob in front of the door and Yelena leaning on the wall behind him. John definitely is not thinking about last night.
"What?" John answers.
"It's time for dinner, Walker," Bob says. Yelena nods behind him.
John looks behind him to check the time. 2032. He looks back at the two, and he rubs his face.
"I know that I make dinner for you guys sometimes because none of you can cook for your lives, but like, can't any of you guys just try to do it yourself?"
Bob throws his hands up, saying no, no. John sees Yelena roll her eyes in his peripheral vision, but he bites out a retort. "Ah, Walker, no! Bucky brought Chinese food for all of us, we just wanted to come to call you to come eat with the rest of us at the table," Bob informs. Bob beams up at John. Yelena smirks and walks away in the direction of the kitchen.
John's expression flashes into one of surprise for a split second at Bob's comment, but he goes back into a neutral scowl. He shoos Bob away from the doorway, who shuffles back a bit.
"Al-alright then. I'll be there in a moment, I guess." John sees Bob's face go into a small smile before he closes his door, shutting the bright lights out for a moment.
He turns back to the rest of his room. There are wrappers and chip bags all over his bed. Did Bob or Yelena see that? He internally groans. Fuck it, he'll deal with it later after eating. He hasn't even taken a shower today. He goes to take one.
Unfortunately, John does not think about how long the shower will take, and it's at least 10 minutes until he's out, and it takes 2 minutes more for him to get dressed. He curses at himself after checking the time. He wonders if it's even worth it to go out to the table when a soft knock comes from his door. He goes to the door.
"Bobby," John greets.
Bob is standing at John's door. He's shifting his weight on his feet.
“Hi, Walker," he greets. "You haven't been out yet, so I wanted to come to check if you're ok." Bob's blue eyes go up to meet John's. "The rest of us are still sitting at the table."
"We're all waiting on you, Walker," Bob says.
John sighs. "Yeah, I'll be there right now, Bobby. Literally was just taking a shower," he comments.
"Hey, hey, I'm just checking on you," Bob defends.
John wonders how Bob is still so calm even after their conversation last night. It’s not like John is still thinking about how he acted.
"If you're ready, let's go to the table." Bob turns away to the table. John closes the door of his messy room and follows.
Everyone greets John when he walks over to the dining room. It's nice. John tagged his seat between Ava and Bob. He doesn't talk much during his time at the table, and eats his moderately cold food. He catches Bob looking at him in the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t say anything.
*
Dinner is over before John knows it, and everyone goes back to their respective rooms. John stays at the table and decides to sit on the couch this time. He turns on the television for some mindless noise while he tries to avoid his nightmares. The light is blindingly bright in the dark room. Today would be the day he does the dishes, but the Chinese takeout today virtually had nothing to clean, so he ignores the thought.
He looks at the time on his phone. 2232. He goes limp on the couch when he hears footsteps. He doesn’t bother to turn his head at whoever it is. He senses a person behind him on the couch.
“Hey, Walker.” It's Bob.
John groans. "What the hell do you want, Bob." He hears some noise of rocks against each other, and some shuffling, and then he turns to see Bob sitting beside him on the couch, with his hands behind his back. John really hopes that Bob is not here to talk about feelings. He is definitely going to be able handle it as well as he did last night, and he didn't even handle that one well.
Bob’s eyes are shifting around, and he seems to be actually holding something behind his back, as the rock sounds come back. John really doubts it's something dangerous, but the thought does come to the back of his mind.
"I got something for us," Bob says. The use of the word us catches John’s attention. Bob is grinning a bit, but the shadows on his face from the television make him look scary.
John’s patience quickly runs thin. "Ok? Then show me it. If you're going to try to k-"
Air comes out of Bob's nose in a hidden laugh, and he reveals his gift, moving his hands in front of him and opening them.
There are two colorful bracelets in his hand. One of them says ‘John’ and the other says ‘Bobby’.
The one that says 'John' has red, white, black, and blue beads with some white star beads on it. Two black marble beads frame the letter beads.
The one that says 'Bobby' has gold and cyan beads. There's also two black marble beads that frame the letter beads.
John is actually speechless for a good moment, staring at the bracelets in Bob's hand, and then switching back to Bob’s face.
Bob's grin falters a bit, and he scratches his head. "I made these this afternoon, after going to the mall with Yelena. Last night, when we were talking, you said something about friendship bracelets. So you know, I decided to make some for the two of us. Just the two of us for now.
John is still glaring at Bob’s face.
"Dude," John starts. "I was being sarcastic to get you to leave me alone."
"I know. You can take the one that says 'Bobby' and I'll take the one that says 'Johnny'."
John snatches his bracelet out of Bob's hand. He curses at himself for the sudden movement towards Bob, but it's really just as crazy holding it as it is looking at it.
"I know it's weird to put the name Bobby, but honestly, I don't mind if it's you at this point. You keep calling me Bobby anyway," Bob says, while putting on his bracelet.
John snaps out of his stupor. "Oh my god, I was saying it as a joke. This is childish as hell, Bob" John says, without the bite he was hoping.
"You're the one who suggested bracelets in the first place," Bob simply replies.
John snaps his head to Bob and glares at him. "We are not 12 years old, Bob." John turns his eyes back to the bracelet. He's just in silence.
Bob grins at John's confusion. "Look, man, I said we're going to be friends, and I'm going to prove it to you with these. We're going to be the bestest friends ever, John, starting with this." Bob's voice loses its wavering at the end, and makes a genuine smile at John despite his slightly sarcastic tone.
John abruptly stands up and glares again at Bob, but it's weak. "Fuck off, Bobby. Don't expect me to wear this." He puts the bracelet in his pocket and walks out into the hallway to his room, hearing Bob giggle under his breath a bit as he walks away. John shoulder-checks Yelena in the hallway on the way to his room.
She raises an eyebrow at John, but John doesn't dignify her with a response, and he walks into his room.
John turns on the lights in his room and takes a good look at the mess. He can't sleep like this, dammit. Before he starts to pick up the first piece of litter, he feels the weight of the bracelet in his pocket. He takes it out. It's a bit humiliating. He gently places it on his bedside table and starts cleaning his room.
Once everything is done, John has a dreamless, and nightmareless, sleep.
*
Yelena wakes up and gets ready for her day. Teeth, shower, clothes, face, hair. She feels much better this morning than yesterday, but thankfully, she was able to not be cooped up in the tower. Bob's first mall trip was pretty fun. He had an interesting taste in mostly sweatshirts and sweatpants, but it's not like she was going to tell him off. All the money was from Valentina's pocket anyway.
She was just happy to get Bob out into public spaces and for him not to be so scared. She will admit, though, that the bracelet maker set was a pretty intriguing purchase from Bob. But once she heard Bob’s explanation, she completely understood.
She looked at the clock, and it was 9:45 am. She walked out into the hallway, going to the kitchen. There was a smell of breakfast being cooked, and she was praying that it was John cooking something. None of them could cook for their lives, except for John. Once, Alexei tried to cook breakfast, and he completely messed up the pancake-mix-to-water ratio. It was a tough thing to eat through, mentally and physically. Bucky tried once, and he broke all 3 bowls and messed up two whisks. After that, the team either ordered breakfast or John cooked something. Thank god there was at least one person who had a relatively normal upbringing compared to them.
Yelena was 7 steps to the kitchen door when she heard laughing from who she assumed was Ava. A very stern voice barked out Ava!, and yeah, it was John and Ava in the kitchen.
She runs over to the kitchen to see the commotion. She knew that John got real touchy about being into the kitchen when he's in there, but she couldn't miss out on this. She was hoping to see John covered in flour or eggs, but what she saw was even better.
John was wearing the friendship bracelet that Bob had made for him. He had shown Yelena once he made it to check on her opinion on it, and she approved.
She just wasn't expecting John to actually wear it.
With John giving them both a death stare, Yelena also burst out into laughter.
John rolled his eyes at the two girls. "Never seen a friendship bracelet before, huh?" He attempted to make a snide reply to the two, but it didn't work. His face was starting to turn pink in embarrassment, and that's when he knew that this was enough. John snapped his fingers to get the attention of the two and pointed the spatula at the middle of them. He was using his bracelet hand. They both regained their composure with some trembling.
"Get the hell out of my damn kitchen while I'm cooking, you two," he ordered. They both walked out of the kitchen arena to the table, both raising their hands in surrender.
John finished up his cooking, and everyone is at the table by the time he's done. He lays out of the food on the table, very intentionally not using the Hand With the Bracelet. He hears Ava and Yelena giggling, and he ignores it. Unfortunately, he has to sit between Ava and Bob.
Yelena thinks about bringing to attention the friendship bracelet on John by asking about where is my friendship bracelet, Walker?, when Bob himself brings it up after he plates his food.
"Hey guys," Bob starts. "I would like to show off my and John's friendship bracelets!" He raises his arm and shows off the bracelet.
Yelena turns to John. He looks completely horrified. "What the fuck," John says, which breaks the silence.
There's an outburst of laughter from Yelena and Ava, and claps from Alexei. Bucky is snickering and also clapping a bit.
John has put his face in his hands and is turning red. "Fuck all of you," John says with no venom put into it.
"Walker," Bucky says. "You gotta show us your bracelet."
"Yes, John! We would like to see your dedication to friendship," Alexei agrees. Yelena and Ava nod alongside Bucky and Alexei's statements.
"No," John says. But the constant pestering after he declines, he eventually gives in. The cyan and gold bracelet gathers nices from around the table.
"Nice, Walker," Yelena compliments. Walker seems to get over the initial embarrassment and just says whatever, hoping that this whole ordeal is over by now.
“I would also like to get a friendship bracelet, Walker,” Ava teases. “How could I get into Bob’s graces and have him make one for me?”
"If you guys don't eat my food because it's cold because you're too busy looking at a damn friendship bracelet, I'm going to leave this place and never come back," John states. He goes to gather food on his empty plate.
The rest of them laugh, and they go back to eating their food. Yelena looks over to John and Bob. They share a look, and Bob smiles at John. John rolls his eyes, and he looks away.
Yelena's focus goes back to her food. She's simply happy to see everyone now getting along. If those two can get along, then there's a chance this whole New Avengers thing will work out.