Chapter Text
The past fifteen years of your life could be summed up like this: What the fuck.
Chaotic, disorganized, possibly traumatic—the list went on, really. Sixteen years spent attempting to get a grip on life, staring at various screens throughout the years.
Finals are finna be the end of me 😭
You'll be fine, you have a B in math.
Nuh uh I'm gonna kms
You glanced up from your phone when a car whizzed by before sending another text.
Yk my life is on the line rn
Your friend left you on read after that, to which you sighed and pocketed your phone. A cursory glance towards the street revealed no other cars, and so you crossed the street—
A random car that you swear popped out of nowhere honked at you, and you flinched. The driver seemed to curse you out before continuing down their path while you sped off to the safety of the sidewalk. At that moment, you heard your phone go off again.
Did you do the review packet?
I was gonna do it at home
So you aren't going to do it?
Shut up
You hesitated, starting a new message before you changed your mind. There wasn't much point in sharing what didn't happen.
I'll do it tmr in class then
Okay then. Good luck.
Good luck? As if. You nearly got run over by a car for the tenth time in sixteen years! Life be damned if it ever gave you any luck. You didn't need it.
———
You wandered down the halls of the building, scuttling elsewhere every time you heard a random noise. Outside of your footfalls and these random noises, it was quiet.
Maybe entering a random, old Japanese-styled structure wasn't the best idea you've had, but what else were you supposed to do when you wake up on a literal fucking island? Sit there and wait for rescue? You doubt anyone would have a reason to think that a person who was previously on DRY LAND would need rescue from an island.
"Hellooo~? Is there really no one here?" You called out, having lost almost all your hope of coming across someone. This place looked abandoned, honestly, as if no one had lived in here for years, and yet you for some reason figured it was worth a shot.
By the time you had seen what felt like the same exact table for a third time, you gave up, turning towards the presumed direction of the exit—and then you saw it... or rather, saw him.
Suddenly, you were questioning if you actually died in that car crash.
———
Leaning over the shoulder of "Crow"—a shortened version of their username that you called them by—to glance at their phone, you asked, "what game is that?"
"Huh? Oh, it's called Genshin Impact." Crow moved over, allowing you to watch their screen.
Your mouth formed into an "o" shape; Somehow, it looked different from what you expected. "That game? I've heard of it before, but never tried it."
"You should! It's really fun."
You could see some character you didn't know the name of on their screen, shooting arrows at a giant, black-furred creature with a mask and a wooden shield. The shield was set on fire when an arrow made contact.
"Eh. Maybe. I don't know how to feel about gacha games."
"You can download it on your computer. It takes a lot of storage."
"Maybe," you repeated, "I guess I could one day." The giant creature, once the HP bar above its head fell, toppled over and faded into... dust or something.
You did kind of need some more games to play—and really, Genshin Impact did seem to have a lot of content.
Also, you needed someone to play games with.
———
"So...You come here often?"
"Huh?"
"Nevermind."
You went back to staring at the sunset, awkwardly shifting your legs to sit cross-legged. The rather unexpected companion seemed to go back to watching the sunset as well, until he turned his head back towards you.
"Am I bothering you?"
"What!?" Your head snapped to meet his worried gaze, and you raised your hands up slightly in a placating gesture. "No, no you're fine! I'm just... bad at talking. I thought I said so when we met in the pavilion. Sorry."
Somehow, it looked like he didn't fully believe you, but he took your word for it. Another silent moment occurred, where you both simply stared at each other until you broke your gaze, fidgeting with your hands.
"Um. What I meant to say earlier was basically 'hi,' just so you know."
A pause. Then: "Hello." For some reason, the delayed response made you snort, and he smiled.
"Hello indeed..." You trailed off, tapping your hands on your legs. When your eyes drifted back to his face, you steeled your expression and asked confidently, "Y'know what? Do you wanna be friends?"
He hesitated at that, and you realized that perhaps your abrupt question came off as moreso a demand than an option, but before you could backtrack on your words, he nodded.
For whatever reason, a grin made its way to your face. "Alright, cool. We chill now. We vibe." You could see his confusion at your prochronistic words, but that didn't matter right now—not when a childish part of you started to feel giddy at the acceptance—
"What is a 'friend'?"
...
Oh. Right.
———
"Get the oculi it's—it's right there—"
"Where is there?!"
"Right there!"
"Right—Oh. Right there...?"
You stare at the oculi on your screen, contemplating your life choices from the past seventeen years as you mourned the inability to climb the roof of the stupid building-thing.
"I'm gonna have to climb the side, aren't I?" You sighed. "Well... What the hell!"
Crow, ever the opportunistic soul, pulled out a character you had never seen until now, and started flying.
"Oh come on, that's cheating."
"Haha, loser."
"Since when did you have a character that could fly?"
"I've shown you him already?"
"You have?" You recalled a few fleeting moments, that did in fact, prove Crow right. "Damn..."
"His banner is on, too."
"It is?" A quick check of the current banners and— "Oh. Shit. Well, I only play every like, week."
14 days, 19 hours, and 13 minutes. Huh. You glanced at your primogem count. To be fair, "Wanderer" (what an odd name...) could be an interesting character to have as your first five star.
"You think I should pull for this guy? I got around... twenty-something pulls?"
"If you want."
You thought about it for a moment, then shrugged despite knowing Crow couldn't see it.
"Bet. I'll screenshare the pulls and I can grind for more until I get something. We gamble today."
You ended up pulling a Qiqi.
———
Was it wrong to feel like you had a home here? Because it definitely felt like you had a home here (which, technically was true, even if you were only borrowing a room for now).
... It felt like it, but did it really have a reason to? Maybe because it was all fictional to you, nothing more than lines of code and pixels on a screen, up until that fated moment a few weeks ago.
Maybe it was the byproduct of these types of thoughts that kept you up at night.
At least (accidentally) setting your lunch on fire provided a distraction from such thoughts.
"Hm. No, I don't, uh... Oh, oh shi—shoot!"
"Um... Was that supposed to happen?"
"Nope!"
"Oh."
You both watched as your lunch was burnt to a crisp in the cooking pot while a villager dumped a bucket of water on the fire, and by extension your meal, before you let out a dejected sigh.
"Damn. That was gonna be good, too... Actually wanted something today."
Your cooking skill was almost as freaking bad as his creator's; At least you could actually cook food... in theory. Too bad it wasn't as easy as in-game.
Kabukimono—as the locals now called him—stared on in mild astonishment, before turning his attention back towards you, likely realizing the problem here.
"Are you going to make something else?" He asked softly, to which you shook your head.
"Nah. It's fine. Wasn't that hungry anyways," you responded, waving his concern off. In all honesty, setting your food on fire put a small damper on your mood. You reached for the waterskin nearby, opening it and taking a sip.
"Isn't that bad for humans?"
"In moderation, no."
"But—"
You interrupted him, "bud, I swear it's just one meal. I'm not gonna keel over 'cause of it. I don't wanna waste more ingredients."
He still looked worried—much too worried, in your eyes—about the whole topic. "Perhaps I could try to make something?"
You blinked, the offer processing in your mind before you felt something warm in your chest start to rise. "Oh, oh no you don't have to do that! Really! That sh—stuff's already done for anyway." You had to take another, longer sip to calm down.
"If your meal is already fucked then—" he cut himself off when you nearly choked on your drink.
"Where did you learn that?!"
"Learn what?" he questioned innocently.
"That word! That—the one you just said?!"
"Huh? I remember you used it four days ago."
"When?" Kabukimono definitely was not supposed to know swears! Not yet! How did you slip up so bad?
"You were walking past, and I overheard you talk about being 'very, very fucked,' and I figured the word meant 'done for' because you normally say that instead."
... Oh, lord.
"Christ. Okay. Next time, do as I say, not as I do. Please... Wait no—"
———
Crow silently watched the trailer on your TV, while you glanced between the screen and the window. Days after school like this were always your favorite. You got to hang out with your best friend, relax, talk about whatever—
"See, I told you it was cool!" Crow interrupted your train of thought, and you glanced at the TV only to notice the trailer had finished; You missed the entire last half of the damn trailer engrossed in your thoughts. Oh boy.
"You're just a simp, man."
"You really don't think he's kinda fine?" Crow punched you in the shoulder, and you clicked your tongue.
"His whole theme is blue and he has a goofy hat, Crow. Your taste in men is weird. His backstory is goofy, too. Those weren't really betrayals, either? I don't get it. I wouldn't think of those things as betrayals."
"Well did you think that's because you didn't experience them?"
You hesitated at their words. Right. Who were you to judge someone for their past, even if was just a fictional character? You were faulty like that, being a little judgy of others.
Your abrupt silence probably said enough to Crow, but they still chose to wait for a response.
"Uh... not really."
"Exactly."
Your eyes narrowed, then you plopped back down on the edge of the couch with a sigh. "Man... Eh..."
Your saving grace was when autoplay kicked in, and started the next video. A meme of sorts? Crow seemed to forget about the abrupt moral lesson, but you couldn't get it off your mind.
Who were you to judge? Seriously? Yikes. Since when were you like this? You were freaking seventeen, soon to be eighteen, not a thirteen year old.
What was wrong with you?
You bit your lip, glanced at the tv, and tried not to think about it. Crow was the best thing you had in... well, forever, really. It was best not to dwell on the negative too much, lest you scared them away too.
———
"Hey bud, uh, can I...? Cool."
When Kabukimono made space next to him, you sat down and sighed. Immediately, he knew today was one of "those days" for you, as you described them; He learned quickly.
There was comfortable silence between you two for a few minutes. The weather was quite nice today, with a soft breeze that occasionally picked up loose leaves and strands of your hair. At some point, you leaned your head against his shoulder.
"I'm tired again."
"Is that not because you don't sleep?"
You made a so-so motion with your hand. "Eh. I decided to help around today, so I think that's probably why."
He hummed, a small habit he seemed to have picked up from you somehow. Admittedly, you had been trying to make yourself useful so that the Tatarasuna villagers would like you more (though you doubted they hated you, you never knew), and that included mustering up some already limited energy for basic chores.
After another brief pause, you exhaled. "But, how was your day then? Seems like you were busy... Actually, pause. I heard you did a thing—the uh—a sword dance with Katsuragi yesterday." You lifted your head from his shoulder and his eyes lit up.
"Yes! It was very fun!" Kabukimono started to recount the details to you, and you silently listened to his excited retelling of the day. It was nice, to hear him so cheerful right now—especially when knowing what was to come.
When the comfortable silence settled yet again, you swung your legs back and forth, and put your head back on his shoulder. Maybe sitting by the edge wasn't a good idea considering how you've felt the past few days, but eh. Since when were you a logical person?
...
Since when were you even a person?
"You ever think about how... Ah, nevermind."
You forced those thoughts out of your head. Not today. Not now.
It was hard ignoring the concerned glance he shot you afterwards.
———
Your hands were shaking.
Maybe you should back down. You weren't sure about this. You could end up dropping the cup in your hands if you didn't calm down.
No one would know if you backed off; No one would know if you didn't until it was too late. The latter notion was as terrifying as it was tempting. Why were you doing this again? Have you really lost control of your emotions like this? Four years into adulthood? How pathetic of you, really.
... You couldn't imagine living like this anymore, though. Earlier came the straw that broke the camel's back, and you couldn't reign in the tidal wave like you had been doing for years.
You weren't sure. The alternative no longer seemed appealing, and you needed a goddamn break from everything, from whatever the hell this "life" of yours was, and you were going to get it today.
You just had to be brave for once in your life. You had to be brave; Otherwise, you would be stuck in this rut for the rest of your life.
With your (still) trembling hands, you downed all the tablets and chugged the water in the cup, trying to ignore the sinking in your stomach afterwards.
You went to bed.