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you know what they say about lesbians

Summary:

Niki and Puffy are not dating.

Unfortunately, due to an interview mishap, everyone else thinks they *are*.

Also unfortunately, Niki is incredibly in love with her, and Puffy doesn't return those feelings.

Right?

Notes:

Disclaimer: If any of this seems oddly written, or with inexplicable plot points, that's because it was written for the 2025 MCYTLR AU Fest Battleship, where teams worked together to clear boards of tags. All the works in this series were written to hit specific tags and so they sometimes leap across a little nonsensically. Team End came 2nd place overall and 1st place in the all-ages category!! A huge shoutout to all my amazing teammates, Captain Fall who led us to victory via strategy, and all the Mods who dealt with our nonsense for an entire month!

Never written puffchu or Niki POV before, so we ball!

TWS: mentions of a past eating disorder that still reflects in Niki's current day thoughts

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

"Please, my love," Amelia begged, tears streaming down her face and despair in her eyes, "You do not have to do this. We can find another way-"

Jacqueline only shook her head, pain mingling with determination as she stepped away, "You know there is not, or not in time to save the island, at least. I will go down with my ship, as a Captain should."

"Then let me come too, a first mate should never abandon her Captain."

"You must live, Amelia, for the sake of our crew. They'll need a leader, and a new ship, you cannot leave them adrift." Jacqueline gave her a sad, soft smile, and this time did not push Amelia away when she surged towards her.

Their lips met in burning passion, and the world spun round and round in endless circles before-

"CUT!"

Niki stepped back from Puffy, looking over to the director expectantly and wiping her eyes dry.

He was silent for a moment, looking over the footage of that last shot, before he finally nodded, "Thank you, ladies, I think that's us done for tonight. Will I be seeing you both tomorrow night?"

Both Puffy and Niki nodded, as they grabbed water bottles and downed them. The pirate costumes were gorgeous, but god was leather and layers hot. Niki had no idea what this ceremony was for - they all began to blur together at some point, dresses and hands to shake and endless flashes of the cameras - but she had been told she was supposed to attend, and so she'd ordered a new dress and promised herself she'd sleep in until midday the next morning.

"You did well," said Puffy, slightly breathless as they started to head over to the costume department to get everything carefully removed, "Your ability to cry is impressive. Are you okay if Sam drives us in tomorrow? We should arrive together, since- well, you know why."

Niki did know why.

"Of course," she nodded, "I'll see you at six?"

"That sounds good!" Puffy said, "Get home safely tonight, dear, I'll see you tomorrow."

And then she peeled away to her changing room, while Niki went to hers.

In both of their defenses, the deception wasn't an intentional one.

They'd been on the interview tours for the first film, having been paired together for their great chemistry, and of course their characters relationship, and somehow, through a mix of bad luck, poor phrasing and the fact that everyone loved lesbians, had managed to convince everyone that they were actually dating.

When Niki had seen the news on Twitter and realised their mistake, she'd immediately gone to correct it, only to be told by the PR team that it was great for advertising, and that they should instead lean into it. Which meant that they'd spent a lot of time getting 'caught' kissing by paparazzi, going for evening walks holding hands, and going to red carpets in complementary outfits.

Niki felt terrible for lying to everyone, especially her devoted fans, but also…

She knew she was selfish and horrible for it. But she enjoyed playing girlfriends with Puffy.

Niki wasn't sure what she'd define her sexuality as - whether she was bi and simply hadn't been attracted to women before, or whether Puffy was the first person she'd noticed - but she'd fallen a little bit in love halfway through shooting the first film.

She got a thrill every time they kissed, now, and electricity zinged up her arms every time they interlocked their fingers.

She was a terrible person, using their mistake for her own gain, but she also wasn't strong enough to break it off.

The next night rolled around too quickly - they'd cut the filming day short, so everyone had time to head home and change, and Niki had indulged herself in a brief bath while the wardobe team were setting up. Nothing terribly fancy today - and thankfully something she could sit down in - but with complicated straps and zippers and pieces of fabric that needed arranging just so-

Niki swallowed as she stepped out of the bath, deliberately not looking towards the mirror while she dried off. She'd put some weight on in the months between finishing up the last film and starting this one, and hadn't quite managed to lose it. It was a tiny amount in the grand scheme of things, but the eating disorder she'd had in high school still reared it's ugly head every so often, and was being particularly loud about the extra pudge on her thighs.

Of course Puffy would never actually love her, it said, when she couldn't even lose a few measly pounds.

Niki shoved the voice firmly down, rubbing harder with her towel like she could scrub her thoughts away.

Her team worked efficiently, and all she had to do was stand there while they slid a beautiful dress over her head, and worked on fixing it in place. Everything was tailored to a tee already, and yet still they were jabbing pins in to make it perfect. Or at least Niki assumed that's what they were doing - she wasn't the one who'd been to fashion school, after all.

The car ride with Puffy and Sam was pleasant - Niki got on well with Puffy's best friend, chauffeur, body guard and occassional cup-holder - and she'd lost some of her nerves by the time they pulled up to the venue.

Puffy grabbed her hand and stroked gentle circles on her wrist while they waited in line for the red-carpet in, and Niki tried not to think about the fact that they didn't have to pretend for the cameras yet.

She was just getting into character, Niki told herself, Puffy didn't actually feel anything more than friendship.

The cameras were blinding, the shouting overwhelming, and Niki gave her best smile as she navigated the small steps in her ridiculously high heels, clutching tight to Puffy's arm.

They kissed just before the entrance, and the crowd went wild, practically flash-banging them as they disappeared.

"Niki!"

Niki barely had a chance to ascertain where the voice was coming from before she was half-tackled by six foot six worth of teenager.

"Hi Ranboo!" she laughed, dragging him down to kiss her younger brother's cheek, "You didn't tell me you were coming!"

"Techno had a plus one," Ranboo explained, refering to their eldest brother, "And Tommy and Tubbo are both here because they're working on that documentary thing, so we're gonna eat all the snacks in the corner and people watch. Hi Puffy, by the way!"

"Hello Ranboo," her partner- fake partner - smiled, "How are you?"

"I'm good!" Ranboo said cheerily, straightening his purple bow tie, "I haven't seen you since you and Niki started dating- oh and by the way, on that note, Techno says that if you break her heart, he's gonna do something non-specific and definitely not threatening because he doesn't to ruin his career, but it's definitely gonna be something."

Niki cackled at the look on Puffy's face, "Go tell Techno that he's being overprotective," she said, shoving Ranboo lightly, "And point me in the direction of these snacks."

The ceremony was boring, and Niki still had no idea what it was about, but it was made better by the fact that Puffy's bag was perfectly sized to hide the little foil-wrapped chocolates in, and they sat together and munched while trying to figure out what everyone was talking about.

As soon as it was over, they escaped from the after-party, Niki laughing as Puffy dragged her up to a side door she hadn't noticed before, that lead up to the roof.

"I got tipped off by one of the waiters," she grinned as they stepped out into the night, "Thought we could do some romantic stargazing."

"You take me to the nicest places," Niki teased, but her heart jumped a little. Puffy just meant for their fake relationship.

Though there weren't exactly any cameras up here-

The stars were bright as they lay back on the cold concrete, definitely ruining her hair and dress, but Niki couldn't find it in herself to care.

Puffy's fingers were intertwined with hers, still.

The next words out of her mouth were fueled by the late night, the cold air and the fact that her mouth so rarely communicated with her brain.

"Do you- do you ever think you could actually love me?" Niki blurted out, still staring up, "Because everyone's gonna be so disappointed if we ever broke up, so we might be stuck together a while."

Her heart sank as Puffy pulled their fingers apart suddenly.

"Oh." came the quiet reply, "You- feel like your stuck with me?"

"No-" Niki hurried to reassure, "No, no, of course not- I really like this, and you- uh as a friend, I like you as a friend and- well not more but I'm not stuck with you, you're stuck with me."

Puffy was silent a moment, "I'm not stuck with you, Niki. I like this too. I- I like you too. I'm- I really hope I'm reading this right, because if not then fake-dating is going to be really awkward from now on, but- I like you. More than friends. I feel so selfish because fake-dating you has been incredible."

Niki couldn't help the giggle that rose in her chest as she rolled up onto her elbows to look Puffy in the eyes, her chest exploding with feeling, "Are you telling me we've both felt exactly the same way?" she asked, fireworks exploding in her heart, "That you want me as much as I want you?"

Puffy's face split with a smile as she sat up as well, reconnecting their hands, "Oh god, we've been idiots, haven't we?"

"Well you know what they say about lesbians-" Niki joked, squeezing their hands together, "I think I'm going to cry, actually-"

"Don't cry, because then I'll start crying, and everyone will think we've just broken up."

"I mean, we could fake a proposal? Fake-fiancees sounds-"

"Like a terrible idea," Puffy laughed, "Let's start with real dating before we start real marriage."

"Well if we're real dating, can I get a real kiss?" Niki dared to ask, "It's romantic to have a first kiss under the stars, right?"

"Hardly our first, we kiss practically for a living."

"But it's our first real kiss," countered Niki, and then there were no arguments at all as Puffy leaned forward and kissed her like they'd kissed a thousand times before, and yet like they'd never known each other's breath on their tongues.

If Puffy was gonna kiss her this way for the rest of her life, maybe she should make a start on the proposal-

Notes:

You can find me skittering around (add my tumblr back at the end)

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