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Sometimes, the strongest emotions and most difficult to say words just need a plate of late night fried chicken to come out.
Being Usami Rito wasn’t easy, well at least not as easy as some would make it out to be. Normally, he feeds off of the pride of being strong, confident and having the ability to seemingly beat any enemy based off of raw physical strength alone. But recently he’s been finding himself spacing out and thinking about.. himself? He’s always been that loud type with borderline cockiness at times but it wasn’t like he would just stand in front of the mirror and start thinking about his life unless it was what he should wear that day or if he needs a haircut or not, this felt different.
It had always felt he had his whole character and personality laid out to everyone including himself, so why did he suddenly start questioning everything? The things he felt like he was yet to discover? What was all of this sudden self doubt in his chest?
“Rito-kun?”
Ah right, Saiki Ittetsu.
His best friend and the person who has been unwantedly on Usami’s mind the past week or so, it has gotten so out of hand that he can’t even remember.
“You’re doing that spacing out thing again. You sure you alright?” Saiki spoke, concern showing through his usually sharp eyes.
Usami snapped out of it almost instantly upon hearing his voice.
“Y-yeah? That has to be the fifth time you’ve asked me that these past 3 days, I promise you it’s nothing.” He said, trying his hardest to conceal the embarrassment of getting called out.
“Acting like you don’t space out like that all the time. You do know how regularly you get scolded for not paying attention right?” Usami snickered, gaining back the usual wide grin always plastered on his face.
“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??” Saiki nearly screamed in the echoey base where it was just him, Usami and his partner Kirin-chan who was sleeping peacefully upstairs, unaware of the current living room filled with the average bickering that came from the two.
Saiki’s face then turning into a really dumb yet cute looking pout.
Usami had to stop himself from reacting and thinking things he shouldn’t be thinking.
“I can’t believe you would say such things to me…… The betrayal my heart just felt………..” Saiki said while sniffling with the most fake dramatic sad offended voice ever.
“But seriously though,” Something more serious, more genuine filling his gaze on Usami.
“It’s different when it’s from you, I don’t wanna push it but remember we are best friends, aren’t we? I care about you so please be honest with me if there’s anything going on alright?”
Usami froze, his eyes widening slightly. It was rare seeing Saiki with that sort of seriousness, his usually goofy self would try to cheer people up in all sorts of silly ways but he would be lying if he said he didn’t know when to be serious at times when it’s needed. He felt his heart about to burst out of his chest.
“Yeah.. Thank you Tetsu, I mean it.” He spoke out with the last bits of sanity he felt like he had during those moments.
Saiki nodded at him, then stood up from the living room couch they were both sitting on, stretching like a cat.
“I think I’m gonna go out and buy some cigarettes now, let me know if you need anything.”
“Oh, and don’t tell Wen. I kind of promised him I wouldn’t buy anymore this week once I ran out but I guess I’m just too unpredictable.” Ittetsu said, giggling as he reached the front door.
After opening said door and before heading out, he turned back around and gave Usami a smile. Small, quiet, yet genuine.
Usami felt his heart and brain completely burst right then and there, trying so hard not to show such on his already nearly panicked and flushed expression.
As the door behind Ittetsu shut, Usami nearly lost it. He flopped sideways face first onto the couch and let out an inhumanly groan, catching himself then stopping so he wouldn't wake up Kirin-chan from their rest. He’d probably rather throw himself into a ditch than have his adorable partner, the one who always saw him during his toughest battles, see him like this over Saiki.
Those comforting words, those giggles, that smile. They were everything that could’ve made Usami’s current situation way worse than it already was before. Saiki felt like everything to him. His teammate, his best friend, his person. And finding out his whole thing with being infinite years old and well.. basically never dying, it just made him feel so much closer to his heart than he could’ve ever imagined.
All of that doubt, those questions about what he truly is or how much of this he truly deserves, they all stem from these overwhelming feelings he has about Saiki. Is he not treating Saiki well enough when they know they have not short, but limited time together? Has all of the teasing ever gone too far? I mean, what even ARE these feelings he has for Saiki?
Anyone who found out about Usami’s feelings could immediately say with no hesitation that what he was feeling was love. And the worst part is, something within Usami knew that it was true.
It’s not like he’s the type to not be straight forward about his feelings, and it’s not like it’s not normal to fall in love with your best friend who you spend seemingly every day and mission with. But for once in his life, he felt like he didn’t have the confidence to admit it. As simple as that, no more there is to say about it, or at least that’s what he tells himself.
It’s not like you can blame him either, what does one even do in this situation? What happens when you feel like the closest thing in your life, the thing you always thought you knew the most and felt like was completely laid out for you to see, suddenly became so complicated? What do you do when you have limited time with your closest person yet you waste it because you can’t figure out your feelings about them?
Right. Limited time.
Usami felt like the biggest jerk in the world for not fully understanding himself and how he feels, let alone wasting time doubting himself when he could be doing literally anything with Saiki instead. It’s not even like he knows if Saiki would be interested in him too. It would crush Usami in unimaginable ways if their friendship had issues or even ended over some shitty feelings of.. love?
And yeah, it also feels like he’s pushing him away because of how overwhelming said feelings are.
“Limited time….” Usami thinks to himself. I mean, it’s not like he’s gonna die and have to say goodbye to Tetsu tomorrow or something, right?
But then again, considering their job as heroes….
That thought shook Usami violently to his core, causing him to jolt up from the couch.
So many supporting and contradicting thoughts clouding his mind, he couldn’t do anything else but let out another groan, echoing throughout their empty base, no teammates but possibly a sleeping giraffe there to see him like this, feeling completely alone.
Usami “900,000 exes” Rito struggling at love, sounds like a situation to be in doesn’t it.
“Tetsu.. What is it that makes you so different?”
________________________
That night, as the clock on his bedside table nearly read 2AM, there was Usami. On his bed, staring at the wall, nowhere near asleep with a million thoughts on his mind that he didn’t want to acknowledge. He already felt so lost about his feelings and stuck with the way him and Tetsu’s relationship might go that asking more questions might actually just make him explode. He gave up with tossing and turning around, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep and is now just there feeling like the biggest idiot in the world.
Who on earth has that many muscles yet struggles so much with their thoughts?
He sat up from his bed, which felt like the most uncomfortable place in the world right now, and decided to head towards the only thing that could possibly take his mind off of all of this;
Food.
Opening his bedroom door and walking down the stairs, his senses were immediately hit with the sound of the microwave beeping and the smell of steaming karaage.
Reaching the bottom floor, there he was. Akagi Wen with his messy pink hair, tired droopy blue eyes and a really ugly looking shirt that looks like he just threw on in the dark without checking what it was. If it were anybody else, Usami would have been ungodly embarrassed to have them see him up this late looking for food out of all things, but it was Wen so he felt at ease.
Like all of his other hero teammates, Wen was dear to him. Neither of them never really knew how they ended up bickering so much, but even though they can seriously get on each other's nerves sometimes, it was all another part of Usami’s life he feels like he could never live without.
In this scenario, Wen was different. This wasn’t the first time they’ve encountered each other during their late night kitchen raids.
The first time felt painfully awkward, considering they got into a pretty petty argument about team formation and everyone’s specific roles in their hero wave earlier that day. But in typical Oriens fashion, they snapped out of it pretty quickly after seeing each other that night and it ended up being one of their most significant memories together.
“You here again tonight?” Usami said, walking towards the kitchen counter.
Wen, having already sat down with a plate of reheated leftover karaage in front of him and chopsticks approaching his mouth with a piece of it on it, spoke up as quietly as he could.
“Yep, Hoshirube took me out to go see a horror movie earlier today and now I may or may not be too scared to go to sleep.” Wen giggled at himself, sensing the incoming teasing as he stuffed a piece of delicious chicken in his mouth.
“PFFTT-” Usami had to hold himself back from laughing out loud so late in the night. If he woke anyone up, specifically Mana, he would be dead meat.
“Typical dumbass like you” Usami snickered “And yet you have the courage to be down here all by yourself in the dark this late at night?”
Wen’s glare turned into wide eyes with hints of fear behind them.
“S H U T U P!!!!!!” He whispered his scream, immediately pouting as he turns away from the idiot in front of him and back to his meal.
That got a chuckle out of Usami, already feeling the worries of his emotions slowly but surely fading away. Oriens felt like family, the base felt like home, and any sort of negativity within it just never felt right to him.
Wen was silent for a bit, probably still salty from the teasing, until he eventually pulled out the chair next to him and gestured Usami to come sit.
He smiled and sat down besides him a little too instantly, causing Wen to smirk at him a little.
“What do you feel like right now? Something warm? There’s some soup in the fridge that I can reheat.” Wen said, already about to get off of his seat to the fridge. “Or do you wanna share the karaage with me?”
“I think I’ll share, if that’s okay with you.” Usami stopped him. “Not super hungry and I don’t wanna torture whoever has to deal with dishes tomorrow.”
Wen nodded, got off of his seat, grabbed another pair of chopsticks and handed them to the teammate next to him.
They sat there eating in silence for a bit, the only noise accompanying them so late at night was the sound of them chewing. That was until Wen spoke up.
“Can I tell you something straight up?” He asked out of the blue.
Usami froze for a second. He was about to start panicking at such a sudden, serious sounding question until he remembered it was Wen. Someone he had opened up to many other nights like this, someone with one of the kindest hearts he had ever seen and someone who he could call one of his closest people. Considering all of that and how it was so late at night, he had nothing to lose.
“Go for it.”
“Tetsu told me about how weird you’ve been acting lately.”
Usami felt his breath get caught up in his throat.
“The zoning out, the pretending like nothing’s wrong. You’ve heard it from him too, right?”
Usami went completely silent. The thing he came down here to escape from, it was all hitting him directly to the face again, all at once.
Wen, mid bite, must have noticed.
“..Sorry. I won’t continue if you’re not comfortable, I just wanted you to at least know that.”
“I know you’ve probably heard this too, but whatever is happening, you have him, me, all of us. So don’t be afraid to speak up, alright?”
Those words. It’s true he had heard them before. But having it come from someone else besides the one who was attached to the feelings he was yearning for answers for the most? It felt like everything Usami needed in that exact moment.
He looked over at Wen who looked a little nervous, scared he might’ve said something he shouldn’t have. He can’t believe he almost let fear strip this opportunity from him. The opportunity to be honest with himself, to possibly get answers for the thousands of questions flooding his mind every day. He, a hero who puts his life on the line to save others, was about to have fear stop him from being honest with his friend.
“No.. You’re good.” He finally gained the courage to say those words, breaking the silence.
Wen stared at him, eyes filled with a mix of shock and relief.
“I’m glad, Rito. I’ll bring it up in a better way next time. but if you have anything else to say, I’m all ears.”
Usami felt himself freezing up again, but this time he made sure it wasn’t for long.
“It’s just…. I’’ve been questioning me and Tetsu’s relationship. By that I mean questioning where I stand and how.. if I’m treating him well enough or not.”
He felt his whole world shaking as he finally admitted the things he's been so desperate to hide.
“That’s really the simplest way I can put it without seeming like a complete fool, not just yet.”
Wen, now looking right at him, placed a hand on his shoulder. His usual bright blue eyes now filled with something more calming and genuine.
“That’s all you need to say, I don’t wanna push any more of it out of you.”
The sudden warm touch made Usami feel a sense of relief, finally being able to get even just a few words out made his world feel a thousand times lighter.
“Tetsu….. I’ve been thinking about him too.” Wen spoke out.
“Recently, I just haven’t been able to stand the thought of losing him. I mean, being a hero and growing relationships that you fear you’ll lose to death itself isn’t something uncommon, but it feels different with him you know?
He’s so close with all of us and it’s no surprise we care about him more than life itself at times. So the thought of him having no choice but to lose us one day, sooner or later, it doesn’t make any part of me feel pretty.
I’d never like to admit it but.. I’m scared.”
He could see Wen physically shake saying those words.
Akagi Wen, the hero who would always dive head first into battlefields with his ginormous claymore without a single care in the world, scared.
Those words felt like a dart directly hitting the bullseye that was Usami’s heart.
He realized just how much this all was on others as well. He was never really alone with those thoughts after all.
Losing. Right. Losing
He started feeling everything come back to him again until Wen continued.
“Why do we as humans experience pain so differently? Why are some of us not even properly a human at all? I guess it’s just one of those things not even your mom has the answer to.”
That sudden shift from seriousness to silliness eased Usami up once more.
“Ever since I met him at school, Tetsu to me had always been someone I just felt like I wanted to make happy. And now, if we both know that harsh truth, then why make him any less happy than I’ve had my whole time knowing him.” Wen smiled
Usami didn’t know what to do or say besides nod along, feeling a connection between them from a topic he never thought anyone ever wanted to bring up.
“I think I’m getting off topic…”
“What I’m trying to say is you have no idea just how much you mean to that idiot.”
The whole world seemed to freeze for a second.
“He doesn't just come to me to complain about you, you know that right?
Every time you were cool in a battle, every time Tetsu wanted to do something for you, every ounce of gratitude he’d never have the courage to say to your face
I’ve heard it all.”
“I know self doubt isn’t easy to overcome with just a few words, but whatever it is I hope you’ll gain the courage to be honest with him instead of him having to come to me again.”
Something about that last sentence hit Usami like a rock. Was it Tetsu just having a conversation with someone so close as Wen? Or did he really feel so pushed away that he needed others to talk about it to.
“You two are everything to each other and I know you know that. So I’m willing to help you in any way I can, alright?”
By now, Wen was full on smiling, his fangs showing as his usual cheerful expression with that protagonist charm was once again all over his face, trying to give Usami the most comfort he possibly could at that moment.
Usami, the one who seemingly bullied Wen the most, wanted to give him the biggest hug in the world right then and there.
“All of a sudden?” Usami caught himself already giggling.
“Well….”
Wen paused for a second.
“Because I care. That’s really it.”
Usami was really fighting back those emotional late night tears now. He’ll never hear the end of it if he cries in front of Wen.
That's all he felt like he ever needed.
“Thank you.” He spoke the only words that could possibly come out. Two words with the most emotion he had ever put into anything before.
After a while of heartfelt silence, they went back to their karaage, scared that it’ll start getting cold again.
Usami finally felt like he could go back to his usual cheerful, laid back self and he ate while secretly admiring Wen’s cooking in his head. And most importantly, he felt like he could go back to sleep.
With only 2 pieces left on the plate, he started chewing a little faster, already yawning and trying not to choke as he did. That was until Wen spoke up again.
“Rito-kun..”
Usami was surprised at the sudden -kun from him, nearly choking once more. He looked over at Wen, whose blue eyes seemed to be sparkling somehow and had a mix of serious and on the verge of tears on his face.
“Thanks for keeping Tetsu happy.”
He was left utterly speechless for a few seconds before regaining consciousness.
“Of course.” He looked back at Wen with that same smile, filled with strong but unsaid emotions.
“But you better watch out before I steal him from you completely~” Usami grinned at Wen with that usual teasing expression.
The same shoulder Wen earlier held to comfort Usami was now being hit by him.
And once again, they were back to bickering and laughing without a single care in the world.
________________________
Cleaning up and heading back to their rooms, Usami couldn’t help have Wen’s words replay over and over again in his head.
“Thanks for keeping Tetsu happy.”
Happy. Right. Happy
He couldn’t help but laugh at himself. Who cares if him and Tetsu are friend or more than that? That plus this whole immortal thing, why should any of it matter when Usami was still alive? He was still and will always be Saiki Ittetsu, his teammate, partner, best friend and one of his only family. And for as long as he or Usami existed, as long as he’s happy, Usami couldn’t give a shit about anything else in the world.
If he wanted to continue deeming Tetsu as his closest person, then he should probably do a better job at proving to him so.
If Tetsu was gonna have any remaining memory of what will be once Heroes, then he’ll make sure that he’s in all of them.
Right before stepping back into his bedroom, he glanced back at Wen, thinking so many sweet and gratitude filled thoughts about him that he’d rather die than ever say out loud to his face.
“Also, Wen.” He called out.
The pink haired hero looked back at him, eyes already on the verge of shutting.
“Don’t tell Tetsu I told you this, but he may or may not have went out to buy a few more packs of cigarettes today.”
Wen, who would normally be storming into Saiki's room and scolding him upon hearing such information, just started laughing as silently as he possibly could.
After a long breathe,
“That guy, seriously….. SUCH an idiot.” He snickered.
“Maybe that’s why you want him so bad :)”
Usami froze. Again. For what felt like the 50th time that day alone.
“Anyways, Goodnight Rito! Thanks for today… or tonight.. I don’t even know anymore..”
Wen then stumbled into his room, closing his door, already half asleep.
Usami just stood there for a minute.
Wen knew. Wen definitely knew.
But honestly, after all of that? He didn’t really mind at all.
Who knows if Wen is right or not, he really didn’t have the answers that he was looking for about his feelings but he now knew that it’s okay to not have said answers. Because he made sure he had his priorities straight once again, and said priority will always be Tetsu, Saiki Ittetsu. He’s the one that he wants to and will be there until he dies, literally, whether it was a whole lifetime or just tomorrow.
Whatever happens between the two of them, whatever the future holds for the both individually and together, he knows that he has people here with him who won’t make him feel like that much of a fool.